Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ Senatorial Smackdown ( Chapter 15 )

Chapter Fifteen: Senatorial Smackdown

 

[The scene cuts to a chamber in the Senate building. Yoda totters into the room and turns to face Eggman.]

 

Yoda: A new apprentice, I hear you have, Emperor. Or, Darth Egg I should call you?

 

Eggman: Master Yoda, I see you survived.

 

Yoda: Surprised?

 

Eggman: Not really. Now I get to kill you…and finally, shut you up!

 

[Force Lightning leaps from Eggman's fingers and sends Yoda flying across the room into a wall. The scene cuts to Moustache. Sonic and Tails are locked in combat. They spin around and do all sorts of flippy maneuvers that exist solely so show off the special effects. The scene cuts back to the Senate room. Eggman walks towards Yoda, crumpled on the floor.]

 

Eggman: I have waited a long time for this. At long last, the Jedi are no more, and I'll never have to hear you butcher the English language ever again…

 

Yoda: (jumps to his feet) On, you must bring it, beeyotch.

 

[Yoda uses the Force to send Eggman flying backwards, into a chair; ending in an unceremonious pile on the floor.]

 

Eggman: (from the floor) MY NADS! AGGH!

 

Yoda: At an end, your rule is. Insert witty retort, I must.

 

[Eggman leaps towards the exit, but Yoda blocks him.]

 

Yoda: If so strong you are, why not fight?

 

[Yoda pulls out and ignites his saber. Eggman does the same. They too clash in a vicious saber battle. The scene cuts back to Moustache, and Sonic and Tails are still dueling.]

 

Tails: You cannot win! The Dark Side is all powerful!

 

Sonic: I've heard that before, but not from you!

 

Tails: From who? Was it your mom who said that?

 

Sonic: YOU IMMATURE PIECE OF CRAP!

 

[Their lightsabers clash forcefully (Author's Note: It's almost a pun!} and they grunt and strain. The scene cuts back to the Senate building. The table in the middle of the room rises into the main Senate chamber, and Yoda and Eggman continue their duel. Yoda is bouncing around like crazy. The scene returns to Moustache, where Tails and Sonic continue their duel.]

 

Tails: Well, at least my mom never gave out sexual favors to the neighborhood children!

 

Sonic: At least I HAD a mom!

 

Tails: I did have a mom! I was a virgin birth!

 

Sonic: You mom wasn't a virgin for long!

 

Tails: YOU MONSTER!

 

[Blades clash some more. The scene cuts to the Senate. Eggman unloads some Force Lightning on Yoda, who blocks it with his blade.]

 

Yoda: Fall, you soon will.

 

Eggman: (cackling) Never! The Empire is MINE!

 

[The Force Lightning knocks Yoda down a few levels of Senate pods. As “Duel of the Fates” strikes up, Eggman starts using the Force to toss Senate pods at Yoda. Oh, and this is the part of the movie where I wake up the people who fell asleep earlier.]

 

Yoda: Bad, your aim is! Like a girl, you throw!

 

Eggman: KISS MY ASS JEDI! I WILL WIN!

 

[Yoda uses the Force to grab one of the pods, and spins it back at Eggman, who barely dodges it. Yoda leaps up towards Eggman, who turns and hits Yoda full force {Author's Note: Another pun!}in the chest with Force Lightning. Yoda is spent spiraling to the ground.]

 

Eggman: THE SITH RULE ALL! I WILL EAT YOU FOR LUNCH YODA!

 

[The scene cuts to Moustache. Sonic and Tails have moved their duel outside. A stray swing hits a panel, and alarms sound. The shields that keep the buildings safe from the lava have gone down {Author's Note: Dun-dun-duuuuuuun!}!]

 

Sonic: Do we really need all this senseless destruction during the course of this fight?

 

Tails: Stop trying to change the topic!

 

[Lightsabers clash yet again. The scene cuts to Yoda crawling through some pipes. He speaks into a comlink.]

 

Yoda: Careful timing, we will need.

 

Shadow: (over the comlink) In ENGLISH. I no hablo “green midget”.

 

[The scene cuts back to the main Senate chamber. Several troops walk up to Eggman.]

 

First of Several Troops: Sir, there is no sign of his body.

 

Eggman: Then Yoda is still alive…double your search for him.

 

First of Several Troops: You want a mathematical duplication of our search efforts?

 

Eggman: Just look twice as hard, with twice as many men.

 

First of Several Troops: Isn't that technically a quadrupling of our search efforts?

 

Eggman: JUST DO IT! I don't care if it's double or triple or whatever, just find him!

 

First of Several Troops: Yes sir… (under his breath) sourpuss…

 

Eggman: Second of Several Troops, prepare my personal shuttle…I sense Lord Vulpes is in danger…

 

Second of Several Troops: Yes, my lord.