Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Inked in flame ❯ Chapter the seventh: Destruction stirs ( Chapter 7 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: TheVulpineHero1 
stuff happens
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.16.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 353 | Status: Work In Progress
stuff happens
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 02.16.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 353 | Status: Work In Progress
Okay. After trying to write in size 10 (exhausting!) I decided to use size twelve in the meantime. Using smaller sizes than usual ( I usually write in size 16) will probably make my fics longer, because I have more of an idea of how they will look on Mediaminer. Also, you may have noticed that some of my previous fics are written in all bold italics. I have no idea why, although I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s because my starting note is in bold italics. So, I’m dropping that stance now, and shall end my starting note via a line or two of dashes. Also, another factor which reduced the readability (Yay! Long words! ^_^) of my fan fiction was that I didn’t use a great number of paragraphs. I tried to rectify this, but it felt unnatural. (Yay! Another long word!^_^) Also, I’m going to be writing my fics according to a new priority system, which goes as follows:
1. Inked In Flame
2. Bowtie of Doom
3. Sonic Sports Series
4. Wheels Of Abandonment
5. Other stuff
Things near the top of that list will be done faster than things at the bottom, unless I lack inspiration for one at the top or have a burst of inspiration for ones at the bottom. I’ve made the order of the list according to popularity. Whilst a lot of people (or the same people over and over- thanks to ya!) review the ones at the top, fewer people review the ones at the bottom. I’ve noticed that no-one seems to like Wheels Of Abandonment. If you do, great. Just make sure to tell me about it, because then it might get moved up the list and I’ll write it more often. Reviews tend to get me inspired to write a chapter of whatever’s been reviewed, so make sure to review your favourites! (Yay! ^_^)
Now that I’m done nattering on at you, I must get rid of the legal stuff. Raze the fox and Ai the hare belong entirely to ME. Eleanor the hedgehog and Jecht the tiger belong partly to me and partly to my co-writer, friend and fellow insane thingy, TheRealScootTh. Also, if you like any of my more random fics, you might wanna check out his story, The Legendary Hedgehog. (Yay! ^_^)
And now, a message from our sponsor.
Guy: Drink… UNCLE HARRY’S!
Gal: The official drink of TheVulpineHero1!
Guy: Get drunk!
Gal: Have fun!
Eggman: And, TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Guy: That wasn’t in the script…
Gal: Hey, gimme back my lipstick!
Eggman: But I feel so pretty!
Guy: So do I!
Eggman: Mooby mooby mooby!
Gal: Oh, this is just fantastic. All we need now is for the manager to be a robot.
Metal Sonic: You called?
Gal: Oh hell.
Yes. That was my sponsor. I have one at the start of every chapter now. Yup. Anyway, let’s start this one man-in-a-horse-costume show!
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Chapter the seventh: Destruction Stirs
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“Bleaurgh! This is your drink, Raze! How can you drink this stuff?”
“For the third time, because I like it. Seriously, Rouge, how can you get so drunk on such weak stuff?”
Tails sat on his stool and twiddled his thumbs. There was a half-finished glass of lemonade (his fifth) on the table in front of him. They had been to the bar that Rouge had been to, but they had to leave because nothing they carried was hard enough for Raze.
“Um…Mr. Raze? Shouldn’t you stop before you get drunk?” Cream piped up.
“First off, quit calling me mister for goodness’ sake. I’m only four years older than you. Second, no mercenary worth his salt would ever be caught drunk.” Raze told her, his tones quite normal.
“She’s got a point, Raze. Those things are 50% alcohol, and you’ve already had ten. Besides, if you’re 12, you’re still a kid, so you shouldn’t be drinking anyway.” Vanilla pitched in.
“Says the woman who thought I was 25. I’ve been drinking long enough to handle my booze.” Raze replied.
A few minutes passed, with Raze and Rouge drinking beer, Vanilla and Cream drinking orange juice, and Ai and Tails drinking lemonade. Ai had tried to ask for beer, but the barman had said she was too young. Meanwhile, he too was completely convinced that Raze was an adult.
“Hey, Raze. About what you were saying earlier. Why would a good mercenary never get caught drunk?” Tails asked.
“Good question, kid.” Ai said, mimicking Raze’s deep voice.
“Shut up, Ai. Mercenaries usually get hired in taverns, pubs, or even bars. Bars are where I met all of my gay bosses, by the way. Whilst they wait to get hired in one of the aforementioned establishments-”
“You what?”
“Pubs, taverns or bars, Rouge. Anyway, whilst they wait to get hired, the only way to pass the time is to drink.”
“Drink what?”
“Beer, Rouge. Anyway, the reason that any half decent mercenary will never get caught drunk is because-”
“Where’s Shadow? I wanna show him my special lightbulb dance.”
At this point, Raze turned around and glared at Rouge. After she fell silent, he downed the last of his pint and carried on.
“Because being drunk is the sign of a rookie. Either they’re new and can’t handle their booze, or they’re rubbish and they’ve been sat there waiting to be hired for far too long.”
At that point, Shadow walked back from the restroom.
“You might wanna steer clear of the toilets for a bit. There’s some punks there.” he said, sitting down on an occasional stool. Tails cursed under his breath. After five-and-a-half lemonades, he was starting to need the toilet. Bad. Still, this seemed like a rough place, and getting into trouble with some yobs was the last thing Tails wanted to do.
“Tch. You know what? I could SO beat you in an arm-wrestling match. I know your weakness!” Ai challenged.
Raze put his arm down on the table, as did Ai. Raze’s arm was a great deal more muscular than Ai’s. Tails groaned.
“Before we get started, what exactly IS my weakness?” Raze asked.
“Your weakness is…BEING TICKLISH!” Ai shouted, using her free hand to tickle the fox under the arm. Raze looked at her sympathetically, then smashed her arm down so hard on the table that she fell off her stool. Cream, Tails and Vanilla had very sensibly decided to hold their drinks. Unfortunately, the drunken Rouge wasn’t so sensible, and her drink flew in a graceful arc, landing on Ai’s head. It drenched her ears, and she looked quite a mess. Raze started to laugh, and Tails saw the difference between this Raze and the Raze up in Cream’s house. This one could laugh, make jokes, drink beer, and was generally in a good mood. The Raze up in the house had merely been terrifying.
“Me next. I’ll stand a much better chance than that hare.” Shadow said cockily.
Once again, Raze thumped his arm down on the table. Shadow did the same, and the arm-wrestling began. At first, nothing happened. Then, slowly, laboriously, painfully, Shadow forced Raze’s arm a little closer to the table. Shadow was obviously putting his whole being into it. Shadow forced Raze’s arm half an inch closer to the table.
“So much for the big, bad mercenary!” Shadow grunted, the effort of pushing Raze’s arm closer to the table making his voice quiver.
Five minutes later, Raze’s hand was almost to the table. Then, Raze smiled. He tightened his grip on Shadow’s arm and tugged upwards. As Raze pulled Shadow’s arm upwards, he pulled Shadow up too. Within seconds, Raze was dangling Shadow over the table.
“So much for the big, bad fairy.” Raze said, smirking. With a crash, he brought Shadow’s hand (and Shadow) down onto the table. With a crack, the table broke, and Shadow was left unconscious on the floor.
“Hello? Hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello? Tails, are you home? If, you don’t answer the door…” Sonic threatened. Eleanor sighed. Was this guy for real?
“Get down here!” he yelled up at a window.
Apparently not, she thought. She was sitting on a rock, on top of a hill, with some blue nut job for company. And this was supposed to help her fall in love? Just then, she jumped. A loud crash had just sounded. She turned around, and saw that Sonic was jumping around, clutching his foot.
“Do you always knock people’s doors down?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Shut up.”
They stepped on the door as they walked in. Sonic listened intently.
“Nope. He isn’t in his workshop. He certainly isn’t in bed- I could usually hear him not snoring.”
“Was that a joke?”
“Was what a joke?”
Eleanor groaned. Of all the places she wished she weren’t, this was in the top five. Closely followed by on the top of an erupting volcano.
“What is up with you, kid? You’ve practically been bouncing across the bar on your butt for the last ten minutes.” Raze asked.
“I just…REALLY…need the bathroom. Are those punks gone yet?” Tails groaned, wiggling.
“What? Scared to go to the bathroom? Geez. The things I’ll do for money…” Raze said, half mocking, half groaning.
As the two walked off, Vanilla turned to Ai.
“Why exactly does Raze want so much money?” she asked.
“I…don’t know. I wonder why he does want so much money? He’s a real skinflint, actually. We usually live on practically nothing a week. He just pays it into some account someplace. I never actually thought to ask him before.” Ai frowned.
“Hm. How long have you been travelling together? It can’t have been too long, if you haven’t even asked where the money goes…” Vanilla said.
“I’ve been travelling with him for as long as I can remember. I don’t even know how long. Definitely a long time, though. You know him though. If I asked him where the money went, he’d just be, like, ‘Why should I tell you? You’re not the one who earns it!’, and I’d be like, ‘You never tell me anything!’, and he’d just be like, ‘Damn right I don’t!’ and then we’d just end up fighting.” Ai said, almost sagely.
“Hey, kiddy. Do we need to go to the little gentlemen’s room?”
Tails groaned. He knew that they were going to pick on him.
“Yeah, I do. So, uh…just let me through, okay?” Tails said, trying to say what he thought Raze would say. The real Raze was leaning on the bar.
“Hm. Well, what if I don’t want to? Then what? We’ll have an uncomfortable little gentleman, won’t we?”, one of the punks sneered.
“What do you guys want?” Tails sighed. His bladder was killing him.
“Weeeeeeeeeeelllllll…We haven’t gone for a beer in a long time. I suppose we might be distracted if someone put enough money to pay for a few pints on that table. Anyone could go in while we’re distracted…” the youth said, making a sad attempt at making a hint.
“The one day I lose my wallet…” Tails cursed.
“Well, I suppose that means you’ll be using some other toilet.” the youth said.
“Sorry, but now I need the bathroom.” Raze said, walking up.
“O-oh…Uh…Hey, kid, that your dad?” the youth said, losing his composure.
“Nope. I’m his bodyguard.” Raze smirked.
“Uh…” said one of the youths. All of them were looking a lot less happy.
“Name’s Raze. Mercenary for hire. I do all sorts of work- body guarding, finding people who need to be found, assassination…” Raze carried on, smirking.
“Oooooh! Check out the big, bad assassin, guys!” one of the youths mocked.
“Yeah. Make sure you check out my big, bad claws whilst you’re at it.” Raze said, drawing said claws. Strangely, there wasn’t a cheeky reply from the youths this time. That was because they were all running out of the bar. Raze watched them go, then walked off, smirking. Tails got the feeling that he enjoyed that.
After Tails had relieved himself, he went back to the table, to find Rouge and Shadow fighting in a drunken manner, Cream crying, Vanilla trying to quiet Cream, Ai laughing, and Raze selling tickets. A few moments later, and Raze was involved in the fight. It lasted a few seconds longer, before Shadow went flying across the floor and Rouge was punted into a table. Raze stood there, looking disappointed that it was all over.
“Note to self: Raze enjoys hurting people WAY too much.” Tails muttered to himself.
After Shadow and Rouge had dusted themselves off, normal conversation resumed. It was interrupted by a couple of drunken men staggering over.
“Hey, you! The -hic- blue one! You’re a memarnary! Uh, mantarary! Um, mammory? Mercenary! That’s it! You’re one o’ dem MER-CEN-ARIES, ain’t ya?” one of the men asked. Raze wrinkled his nose in disgust as he smelt the beer on the guy’s breath, an action which the rest of the table followed.
“Yeah, you is, ent ya? We needs a guy like youse! There’s dis problem, she? We need someone…yaken care of, youse knows what I mean?” the second one said.
“I may be multi-lingual, but I don’t speak Drunk. Why don’t we go and talk about this over there? I don’t want any kiddies or fairies to be scared.” Raze said, lifting himself from his seat. As Shadow yelled obscenities at Raze, Tails frowned. Although he couldn’t stop him, he was sad that Raze was so willing to ‘take care’ of someone.
“It takes a desperate man to so readily agree to murder…” Vanilla said, disapprovingly.
“Raze has agreed to do a lot of murders, but he hasn’t carried any out. He listens, but he doesn’t take the money. He just uses the info.” Ai said, uncaringly.
“Uses the info? How?” Tails asked.
“Well, he asks for the name of the guy they want killed, then he finds the guy and tells him someone wants him wasted. Then, he offers them his services as a bodyguard.” Ai explained.
“So, wait. He’s never actually killed someone?” Vanilla said, her eyebrows rising.
“Oh, he’s killed plenty of people. Just not for money. He says that a man’s life shouldn’t be wasted for a few gold coins, or something to that effect. Huh? My bunny sense is tingling…” Ai trailed off.
“MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH! MUHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAAH…Uh, what was I laughing at? Oh yeah! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! MUHAHAHAHA!”
“Look, Dr. Jerknik, what the hell are you laughing at?”
“RO-BOT-NIK! GEDDIT? RO-BOT-NIK! I knew it was a mistake to install an Attitude Driver!” Eggman yelled at his creation.
“Oh no you didn’t! I just KNOW you didn’t insult me! I am the baddest bot around, ya heared? This is MY crib, boyee! You dare spit unkind lyrics in MY crib, fool? You want me to get the wax out, or what?” Metal Sonic asked.
“No! NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO! NOT MY DEAR ‘STACHE!”
“Then shaddap a you mouth! Or do I have to ask my man, Buttscratchatron 3.0, to come in here and open his own original can of….LOW FAT YOGURT!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT LOW FAT!” Eggman screamed.
“Yo mama is so fat, she has her own post code! Yo mama is so dumb, her computer screen is covered in Tipex! Hey, why you crying, wide load? You gonna go running to yo mama? The same mama who’s so dumb, she couldn’t pass a blood test? The same one who’s so poor, her bathroom is the third bottle to the left?”
“SHUT UP! RIGHT, I’M DE-INSTALLING YOUR HIP-HOP DRIVE! NOW JUST LISTEN!”
“I’m waaaai-ting…”
“What does that remind me of? Oh well. At any rate, my new master plan is RETARDED! RETARDED I SAY!” Eggman ranted.
“Uh…do you even know what retarded means?” Metal Sonic asked.
“Isn’t it one of those new ‘buzz-words’ that means ‘Super Genius’?”
“Um…Yeah!” the robot snickered.
“Ah. I AM SO RETARDED, I ASTOUND EVEN RETARDED OLD ME! Hey, what are you laughing at?” Eggman asked.
“Nothing…”
“At any rate, Chaos will ensue! Do you get it? My plan is to unleash Chaos again, and I said that Chaos will ensue! Geddit?”
“Wow, doc. That sure was one retarded joke…”
“Thanks!”
(Sorry to all those Eggman/Metal Sonic fans. Still, you’ve got to admit, you an imagine them doing it, can’t you?)
Tails sighed. What the hell was going on? It had just been a normal day, and he’d gone out to fetch a new part for his plane (just like he did every two days), and now he had a mercenary bodyguard, and he seemed to have unofficially moved into Cream’s house. Not to mention the fact that his friends and him were constantly at risk because of some Arridian Guild that seemed to be following him around. What was up with his life? Tails’ melancholy thoughts were broken by a pair of men flying across the table. They were the same (extremely drunken) men who Raze had been talking to. One of the men clambered to his feet, and gestured in Raze’s direction. Obviously, Vanilla covered Cream’s eyes.
“Whassup? You know the guy or sumthin?” one of the men slurred, his speech now even more impeded by the damage done in the fall.
“Yeah. You could say that…seeing as the guy you want taken care of is me.” Raze growled.
As he moved closer to the two men, they seemed to physically turn to jelly, and tried to wobble away. As Raze got within striking distance, a stranger in a cloak got in the way.
“That’s enough of that, young man.” the stranger said quietly.
“Well well well. Nice to see you again, Arid.” Raze said.
Ai reeled back in shock. How did Raze know this guy? And why did he seem so angry at him? As far as Ai knew, although Raze got annoyed with her from time to time, and was absolutely ferocious in battle, but she very rarely saw him angry, and never twice in the same day. And, what was worse, this guy didn’t seem all that concerned.
“I see you’re still on your toes. You’ve been watching me out of the corner of your eye all evening.” Arid said, taking off his cloak. Ai sniggered. Obviously, this old kitsune didn’t know what he was dealing with if he thought he could take Raze.
“Yeah. So, I’ll take it that these guys are with you?” Raze asked.
“Certainly. It’s so hard to find good help these days…” Arid trailed off, looking glum. Once again, Ai was stunned. Here was this old fox, faced with an angry Raze, who he seemed to know was dangerous, and he was more worried about the hired help!
“Boy, the Arridian Guild sure has gone downhill these days.” Raze sneered.
“Well, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you Raze?” Arid smirked.
“Raze? What is he talking about?” Tails asked, scared.
“None o’ your business, kid. You don’t need to worry about it. So, Arid, we on?” Raze said, brushing Tails off.
“Regrettably not. I have errands to accomplish. I will, however, provide adequate entertainment.” Arid said.
“Hmph. You were always like that though. Running when there was work to be done.” Raze sneered.
“You were always like this as well. Throwing a tantrum when you didn’t get your own way. Still, understandable considering the circumstances of your parent’s deaths…” Arid reflected.
“What? You know why they died? Tell me now!” Raze shouted, fully infuriated. Not waiting for an answer, he surged forwards and attacked.
“Do we have to go this fast? I’m sure this is illegal!” Eleanor cried as Sonic dragged her along.
“He wasn’t at his house, and he wasn’t at Cream’s house, so he must be in town!” Sonic shouted, coming to a stop. This was a mistake, however, because Eleanor then smashed into him and knocked him over. The reason Sonic had stopped was because there was now a red, angry echidna blocking his way.
“SONIC! WAS IT YOU WHO PUT UP THOSE BANNERS THAT SAID ‘KNUCKLES IS A THONG STEALER’?” he shouted.
“Geez. You hang up a few banners and everyone tries to kill you.” Sonic said, getting ready to run.
“What?!? I knew it! Still, we have bigger problems. Oh, hey, is that your girlfriend?” Knuckles asked, off the point as always.
“NO! Uh, hey, Jecht is that you?” Eleanor exploded.
“Geez. You sure can pick ‘um, can’t ya?” the tiger laughed.
“Shut up. I ain’t picked ANYTHING!”
“Hm. You kinda remind me of Raze, except he was like, perma-angry or something…” the tiger trailed off.
“Still kicked your butt though. I saw him in town recently, beating up a thug. What is it with him?” Eleanor said.
“Maybe it’s just that he likes hitting stuff. Hey, whassat?” the tiger said, looking around.
There had been a crash and a scream down the road. They ran to find the source of the disturbance (Knuckles falling behind pathetically). When they got there, they saw a group of men and animals flying out of a pub door. They were shortly followed by a tall fox, a tall hare and a hedgehog with a gun the size of his leg. Eleanor and Jecht both groaned.
“You again? I only just got rid of you two…” Raze said, as soon as he noticed them.
“What? You know these freaks? You keep such great company…”
“Unless you haven’t noticed, you’re in my company, fairy-boy.”
“Shut up, before I shoot your ass off!”
“Try me. I bite.”
“Shut up, both of you! Now is NOT the time for you to be macho!” Ai shouted, breaking up the argument.
“Why do I feel so short whenever I stand next to you guys?” Eleanor groaned. She had just remembered that she was the only one of the four who was normal-sized.
“I imagine they feel short too, but they don’t complain. Much.” Raze said, pointing to Tails, Cream and company as they ran out of the bar.
“TAILS! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? VANILLA TOLD ME YOU WERE HURT AND oh, who’s your friends?” Sonic asked.
“It was terrible! First I saw Charmy and the rest of Chaotix get beaten up, then this scary white fox chased me and tried to kill me, and then I fell unconscious, and then I was at Cream’s house, and then Raze came in and told me that he saved me, and then Ai came in and broke Cream’s toaster, and Shadow and Amy were there, and then we went drinking, and then Raze got angry, and now here we are, and I haven’t been allowed home all day and, and…”
“Breathe, Tails! You should have enjoyed yourself at Cream’s house anyway.” Sonic snickered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ll find out when you’re older.”
“I want to know now!”
“Tough. This is something you have to learn by yourself.”
“Kind of like making my workshop out of playdough?”
“Yeah, exac…Playdough?”
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I decided to end here, so I can get more muffins…er, inspiration! At any rate, this chapter was kinda long and boring, but it had some important (Yay^_^) points in it. I’ll just leave you wondering what will happen next chapter. Bye!
1. Inked In Flame
2. Bowtie of Doom
3. Sonic Sports Series
4. Wheels Of Abandonment
5. Other stuff
Things near the top of that list will be done faster than things at the bottom, unless I lack inspiration for one at the top or have a burst of inspiration for ones at the bottom. I’ve made the order of the list according to popularity. Whilst a lot of people (or the same people over and over- thanks to ya!) review the ones at the top, fewer people review the ones at the bottom. I’ve noticed that no-one seems to like Wheels Of Abandonment. If you do, great. Just make sure to tell me about it, because then it might get moved up the list and I’ll write it more often. Reviews tend to get me inspired to write a chapter of whatever’s been reviewed, so make sure to review your favourites! (Yay! ^_^)
Now that I’m done nattering on at you, I must get rid of the legal stuff. Raze the fox and Ai the hare belong entirely to ME. Eleanor the hedgehog and Jecht the tiger belong partly to me and partly to my co-writer, friend and fellow insane thingy, TheRealScootTh. Also, if you like any of my more random fics, you might wanna check out his story, The Legendary Hedgehog. (Yay! ^_^)
And now, a message from our sponsor.
Guy: Drink… UNCLE HARRY’S!
Gal: The official drink of TheVulpineHero1!
Guy: Get drunk!
Gal: Have fun!
Eggman: And, TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Guy: That wasn’t in the script…
Gal: Hey, gimme back my lipstick!
Eggman: But I feel so pretty!
Guy: So do I!
Eggman: Mooby mooby mooby!
Gal: Oh, this is just fantastic. All we need now is for the manager to be a robot.
Metal Sonic: You called?
Gal: Oh hell.
Yes. That was my sponsor. I have one at the start of every chapter now. Yup. Anyway, let’s start this one man-in-a-horse-costume show!
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Chapter the seventh: Destruction Stirs
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------
“Bleaurgh! This is your drink, Raze! How can you drink this stuff?”
“For the third time, because I like it. Seriously, Rouge, how can you get so drunk on such weak stuff?”
Tails sat on his stool and twiddled his thumbs. There was a half-finished glass of lemonade (his fifth) on the table in front of him. They had been to the bar that Rouge had been to, but they had to leave because nothing they carried was hard enough for Raze.
“Um…Mr. Raze? Shouldn’t you stop before you get drunk?” Cream piped up.
“First off, quit calling me mister for goodness’ sake. I’m only four years older than you. Second, no mercenary worth his salt would ever be caught drunk.” Raze told her, his tones quite normal.
“She’s got a point, Raze. Those things are 50% alcohol, and you’ve already had ten. Besides, if you’re 12, you’re still a kid, so you shouldn’t be drinking anyway.” Vanilla pitched in.
“Says the woman who thought I was 25. I’ve been drinking long enough to handle my booze.” Raze replied.
A few minutes passed, with Raze and Rouge drinking beer, Vanilla and Cream drinking orange juice, and Ai and Tails drinking lemonade. Ai had tried to ask for beer, but the barman had said she was too young. Meanwhile, he too was completely convinced that Raze was an adult.
“Hey, Raze. About what you were saying earlier. Why would a good mercenary never get caught drunk?” Tails asked.
“Good question, kid.” Ai said, mimicking Raze’s deep voice.
“Shut up, Ai. Mercenaries usually get hired in taverns, pubs, or even bars. Bars are where I met all of my gay bosses, by the way. Whilst they wait to get hired in one of the aforementioned establishments-”
“You what?”
“Pubs, taverns or bars, Rouge. Anyway, whilst they wait to get hired, the only way to pass the time is to drink.”
“Drink what?”
“Beer, Rouge. Anyway, the reason that any half decent mercenary will never get caught drunk is because-”
“Where’s Shadow? I wanna show him my special lightbulb dance.”
At this point, Raze turned around and glared at Rouge. After she fell silent, he downed the last of his pint and carried on.
“Because being drunk is the sign of a rookie. Either they’re new and can’t handle their booze, or they’re rubbish and they’ve been sat there waiting to be hired for far too long.”
At that point, Shadow walked back from the restroom.
“You might wanna steer clear of the toilets for a bit. There’s some punks there.” he said, sitting down on an occasional stool. Tails cursed under his breath. After five-and-a-half lemonades, he was starting to need the toilet. Bad. Still, this seemed like a rough place, and getting into trouble with some yobs was the last thing Tails wanted to do.
“Tch. You know what? I could SO beat you in an arm-wrestling match. I know your weakness!” Ai challenged.
Raze put his arm down on the table, as did Ai. Raze’s arm was a great deal more muscular than Ai’s. Tails groaned.
“Before we get started, what exactly IS my weakness?” Raze asked.
“Your weakness is…BEING TICKLISH!” Ai shouted, using her free hand to tickle the fox under the arm. Raze looked at her sympathetically, then smashed her arm down so hard on the table that she fell off her stool. Cream, Tails and Vanilla had very sensibly decided to hold their drinks. Unfortunately, the drunken Rouge wasn’t so sensible, and her drink flew in a graceful arc, landing on Ai’s head. It drenched her ears, and she looked quite a mess. Raze started to laugh, and Tails saw the difference between this Raze and the Raze up in Cream’s house. This one could laugh, make jokes, drink beer, and was generally in a good mood. The Raze up in the house had merely been terrifying.
“Me next. I’ll stand a much better chance than that hare.” Shadow said cockily.
Once again, Raze thumped his arm down on the table. Shadow did the same, and the arm-wrestling began. At first, nothing happened. Then, slowly, laboriously, painfully, Shadow forced Raze’s arm a little closer to the table. Shadow was obviously putting his whole being into it. Shadow forced Raze’s arm half an inch closer to the table.
“So much for the big, bad mercenary!” Shadow grunted, the effort of pushing Raze’s arm closer to the table making his voice quiver.
Five minutes later, Raze’s hand was almost to the table. Then, Raze smiled. He tightened his grip on Shadow’s arm and tugged upwards. As Raze pulled Shadow’s arm upwards, he pulled Shadow up too. Within seconds, Raze was dangling Shadow over the table.
“So much for the big, bad fairy.” Raze said, smirking. With a crash, he brought Shadow’s hand (and Shadow) down onto the table. With a crack, the table broke, and Shadow was left unconscious on the floor.
“Hello? Hello hello hello hello hello hello hello hello? Tails, are you home? If, you don’t answer the door…” Sonic threatened. Eleanor sighed. Was this guy for real?
“Get down here!” he yelled up at a window.
Apparently not, she thought. She was sitting on a rock, on top of a hill, with some blue nut job for company. And this was supposed to help her fall in love? Just then, she jumped. A loud crash had just sounded. She turned around, and saw that Sonic was jumping around, clutching his foot.
“Do you always knock people’s doors down?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Shut up.”
They stepped on the door as they walked in. Sonic listened intently.
“Nope. He isn’t in his workshop. He certainly isn’t in bed- I could usually hear him not snoring.”
“Was that a joke?”
“Was what a joke?”
Eleanor groaned. Of all the places she wished she weren’t, this was in the top five. Closely followed by on the top of an erupting volcano.
“What is up with you, kid? You’ve practically been bouncing across the bar on your butt for the last ten minutes.” Raze asked.
“I just…REALLY…need the bathroom. Are those punks gone yet?” Tails groaned, wiggling.
“What? Scared to go to the bathroom? Geez. The things I’ll do for money…” Raze said, half mocking, half groaning.
As the two walked off, Vanilla turned to Ai.
“Why exactly does Raze want so much money?” she asked.
“I…don’t know. I wonder why he does want so much money? He’s a real skinflint, actually. We usually live on practically nothing a week. He just pays it into some account someplace. I never actually thought to ask him before.” Ai frowned.
“Hm. How long have you been travelling together? It can’t have been too long, if you haven’t even asked where the money goes…” Vanilla said.
“I’ve been travelling with him for as long as I can remember. I don’t even know how long. Definitely a long time, though. You know him though. If I asked him where the money went, he’d just be, like, ‘Why should I tell you? You’re not the one who earns it!’, and I’d be like, ‘You never tell me anything!’, and he’d just be like, ‘Damn right I don’t!’ and then we’d just end up fighting.” Ai said, almost sagely.
“Hey, kiddy. Do we need to go to the little gentlemen’s room?”
Tails groaned. He knew that they were going to pick on him.
“Yeah, I do. So, uh…just let me through, okay?” Tails said, trying to say what he thought Raze would say. The real Raze was leaning on the bar.
“Hm. Well, what if I don’t want to? Then what? We’ll have an uncomfortable little gentleman, won’t we?”, one of the punks sneered.
“What do you guys want?” Tails sighed. His bladder was killing him.
“Weeeeeeeeeeelllllll…We haven’t gone for a beer in a long time. I suppose we might be distracted if someone put enough money to pay for a few pints on that table. Anyone could go in while we’re distracted…” the youth said, making a sad attempt at making a hint.
“The one day I lose my wallet…” Tails cursed.
“Well, I suppose that means you’ll be using some other toilet.” the youth said.
“Sorry, but now I need the bathroom.” Raze said, walking up.
“O-oh…Uh…Hey, kid, that your dad?” the youth said, losing his composure.
“Nope. I’m his bodyguard.” Raze smirked.
“Uh…” said one of the youths. All of them were looking a lot less happy.
“Name’s Raze. Mercenary for hire. I do all sorts of work- body guarding, finding people who need to be found, assassination…” Raze carried on, smirking.
“Oooooh! Check out the big, bad assassin, guys!” one of the youths mocked.
“Yeah. Make sure you check out my big, bad claws whilst you’re at it.” Raze said, drawing said claws. Strangely, there wasn’t a cheeky reply from the youths this time. That was because they were all running out of the bar. Raze watched them go, then walked off, smirking. Tails got the feeling that he enjoyed that.
After Tails had relieved himself, he went back to the table, to find Rouge and Shadow fighting in a drunken manner, Cream crying, Vanilla trying to quiet Cream, Ai laughing, and Raze selling tickets. A few moments later, and Raze was involved in the fight. It lasted a few seconds longer, before Shadow went flying across the floor and Rouge was punted into a table. Raze stood there, looking disappointed that it was all over.
“Note to self: Raze enjoys hurting people WAY too much.” Tails muttered to himself.
After Shadow and Rouge had dusted themselves off, normal conversation resumed. It was interrupted by a couple of drunken men staggering over.
“Hey, you! The -hic- blue one! You’re a memarnary! Uh, mantarary! Um, mammory? Mercenary! That’s it! You’re one o’ dem MER-CEN-ARIES, ain’t ya?” one of the men asked. Raze wrinkled his nose in disgust as he smelt the beer on the guy’s breath, an action which the rest of the table followed.
“Yeah, you is, ent ya? We needs a guy like youse! There’s dis problem, she? We need someone…yaken care of, youse knows what I mean?” the second one said.
“I may be multi-lingual, but I don’t speak Drunk. Why don’t we go and talk about this over there? I don’t want any kiddies or fairies to be scared.” Raze said, lifting himself from his seat. As Shadow yelled obscenities at Raze, Tails frowned. Although he couldn’t stop him, he was sad that Raze was so willing to ‘take care’ of someone.
“It takes a desperate man to so readily agree to murder…” Vanilla said, disapprovingly.
“Raze has agreed to do a lot of murders, but he hasn’t carried any out. He listens, but he doesn’t take the money. He just uses the info.” Ai said, uncaringly.
“Uses the info? How?” Tails asked.
“Well, he asks for the name of the guy they want killed, then he finds the guy and tells him someone wants him wasted. Then, he offers them his services as a bodyguard.” Ai explained.
“So, wait. He’s never actually killed someone?” Vanilla said, her eyebrows rising.
“Oh, he’s killed plenty of people. Just not for money. He says that a man’s life shouldn’t be wasted for a few gold coins, or something to that effect. Huh? My bunny sense is tingling…” Ai trailed off.
“MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH! MUHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAAH…Uh, what was I laughing at? Oh yeah! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH! MUHAHAHAHA!”
“Look, Dr. Jerknik, what the hell are you laughing at?”
“RO-BOT-NIK! GEDDIT? RO-BOT-NIK! I knew it was a mistake to install an Attitude Driver!” Eggman yelled at his creation.
“Oh no you didn’t! I just KNOW you didn’t insult me! I am the baddest bot around, ya heared? This is MY crib, boyee! You dare spit unkind lyrics in MY crib, fool? You want me to get the wax out, or what?” Metal Sonic asked.
“No! NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO! NOT MY DEAR ‘STACHE!”
“Then shaddap a you mouth! Or do I have to ask my man, Buttscratchatron 3.0, to come in here and open his own original can of….LOW FAT YOGURT!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT LOW FAT!” Eggman screamed.
“Yo mama is so fat, she has her own post code! Yo mama is so dumb, her computer screen is covered in Tipex! Hey, why you crying, wide load? You gonna go running to yo mama? The same mama who’s so dumb, she couldn’t pass a blood test? The same one who’s so poor, her bathroom is the third bottle to the left?”
“SHUT UP! RIGHT, I’M DE-INSTALLING YOUR HIP-HOP DRIVE! NOW JUST LISTEN!”
“I’m waaaai-ting…”
“What does that remind me of? Oh well. At any rate, my new master plan is RETARDED! RETARDED I SAY!” Eggman ranted.
“Uh…do you even know what retarded means?” Metal Sonic asked.
“Isn’t it one of those new ‘buzz-words’ that means ‘Super Genius’?”
“Um…Yeah!” the robot snickered.
“Ah. I AM SO RETARDED, I ASTOUND EVEN RETARDED OLD ME! Hey, what are you laughing at?” Eggman asked.
“Nothing…”
“At any rate, Chaos will ensue! Do you get it? My plan is to unleash Chaos again, and I said that Chaos will ensue! Geddit?”
“Wow, doc. That sure was one retarded joke…”
“Thanks!”
(Sorry to all those Eggman/Metal Sonic fans. Still, you’ve got to admit, you an imagine them doing it, can’t you?)
Tails sighed. What the hell was going on? It had just been a normal day, and he’d gone out to fetch a new part for his plane (just like he did every two days), and now he had a mercenary bodyguard, and he seemed to have unofficially moved into Cream’s house. Not to mention the fact that his friends and him were constantly at risk because of some Arridian Guild that seemed to be following him around. What was up with his life? Tails’ melancholy thoughts were broken by a pair of men flying across the table. They were the same (extremely drunken) men who Raze had been talking to. One of the men clambered to his feet, and gestured in Raze’s direction. Obviously, Vanilla covered Cream’s eyes.
“Whassup? You know the guy or sumthin?” one of the men slurred, his speech now even more impeded by the damage done in the fall.
“Yeah. You could say that…seeing as the guy you want taken care of is me.” Raze growled.
As he moved closer to the two men, they seemed to physically turn to jelly, and tried to wobble away. As Raze got within striking distance, a stranger in a cloak got in the way.
“That’s enough of that, young man.” the stranger said quietly.
“Well well well. Nice to see you again, Arid.” Raze said.
Ai reeled back in shock. How did Raze know this guy? And why did he seem so angry at him? As far as Ai knew, although Raze got annoyed with her from time to time, and was absolutely ferocious in battle, but she very rarely saw him angry, and never twice in the same day. And, what was worse, this guy didn’t seem all that concerned.
“I see you’re still on your toes. You’ve been watching me out of the corner of your eye all evening.” Arid said, taking off his cloak. Ai sniggered. Obviously, this old kitsune didn’t know what he was dealing with if he thought he could take Raze.
“Yeah. So, I’ll take it that these guys are with you?” Raze asked.
“Certainly. It’s so hard to find good help these days…” Arid trailed off, looking glum. Once again, Ai was stunned. Here was this old fox, faced with an angry Raze, who he seemed to know was dangerous, and he was more worried about the hired help!
“Boy, the Arridian Guild sure has gone downhill these days.” Raze sneered.
“Well, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you Raze?” Arid smirked.
“Raze? What is he talking about?” Tails asked, scared.
“None o’ your business, kid. You don’t need to worry about it. So, Arid, we on?” Raze said, brushing Tails off.
“Regrettably not. I have errands to accomplish. I will, however, provide adequate entertainment.” Arid said.
“Hmph. You were always like that though. Running when there was work to be done.” Raze sneered.
“You were always like this as well. Throwing a tantrum when you didn’t get your own way. Still, understandable considering the circumstances of your parent’s deaths…” Arid reflected.
“What? You know why they died? Tell me now!” Raze shouted, fully infuriated. Not waiting for an answer, he surged forwards and attacked.
“Do we have to go this fast? I’m sure this is illegal!” Eleanor cried as Sonic dragged her along.
“He wasn’t at his house, and he wasn’t at Cream’s house, so he must be in town!” Sonic shouted, coming to a stop. This was a mistake, however, because Eleanor then smashed into him and knocked him over. The reason Sonic had stopped was because there was now a red, angry echidna blocking his way.
“SONIC! WAS IT YOU WHO PUT UP THOSE BANNERS THAT SAID ‘KNUCKLES IS A THONG STEALER’?” he shouted.
“Geez. You hang up a few banners and everyone tries to kill you.” Sonic said, getting ready to run.
“What?!? I knew it! Still, we have bigger problems. Oh, hey, is that your girlfriend?” Knuckles asked, off the point as always.
“NO! Uh, hey, Jecht is that you?” Eleanor exploded.
“Geez. You sure can pick ‘um, can’t ya?” the tiger laughed.
“Shut up. I ain’t picked ANYTHING!”
“Hm. You kinda remind me of Raze, except he was like, perma-angry or something…” the tiger trailed off.
“Still kicked your butt though. I saw him in town recently, beating up a thug. What is it with him?” Eleanor said.
“Maybe it’s just that he likes hitting stuff. Hey, whassat?” the tiger said, looking around.
There had been a crash and a scream down the road. They ran to find the source of the disturbance (Knuckles falling behind pathetically). When they got there, they saw a group of men and animals flying out of a pub door. They were shortly followed by a tall fox, a tall hare and a hedgehog with a gun the size of his leg. Eleanor and Jecht both groaned.
“You again? I only just got rid of you two…” Raze said, as soon as he noticed them.
“What? You know these freaks? You keep such great company…”
“Unless you haven’t noticed, you’re in my company, fairy-boy.”
“Shut up, before I shoot your ass off!”
“Try me. I bite.”
“Shut up, both of you! Now is NOT the time for you to be macho!” Ai shouted, breaking up the argument.
“Why do I feel so short whenever I stand next to you guys?” Eleanor groaned. She had just remembered that she was the only one of the four who was normal-sized.
“I imagine they feel short too, but they don’t complain. Much.” Raze said, pointing to Tails, Cream and company as they ran out of the bar.
“TAILS! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? VANILLA TOLD ME YOU WERE HURT AND oh, who’s your friends?” Sonic asked.
“It was terrible! First I saw Charmy and the rest of Chaotix get beaten up, then this scary white fox chased me and tried to kill me, and then I fell unconscious, and then I was at Cream’s house, and then Raze came in and told me that he saved me, and then Ai came in and broke Cream’s toaster, and Shadow and Amy were there, and then we went drinking, and then Raze got angry, and now here we are, and I haven’t been allowed home all day and, and…”
“Breathe, Tails! You should have enjoyed yourself at Cream’s house anyway.” Sonic snickered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ll find out when you’re older.”
“I want to know now!”
“Tough. This is something you have to learn by yourself.”
“Kind of like making my workshop out of playdough?”
“Yeah, exac…Playdough?”
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I decided to end here, so I can get more muffins…er, inspiration! At any rate, this chapter was kinda long and boring, but it had some important (Yay^_^) points in it. I’ll just leave you wondering what will happen next chapter. Bye!