Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Sonic the Hobo ❯ Sonic the Hobo ( Chapter 1 )

Sonic the Hobo

By DragonDude and RedPanthe

PG for violence and mild language

Disclaimer:

Sega and Sonic Team own Sonic the Hedgehog (created by Sega and Sonic Team).

DragonDude owns HoboSurfer, The Joe Man, BladderBoy, and FartSkunk (created by DragonDude).

MTV Networks (a division of Viacom International) owns Nickelodeon (created by MTV Networks).

Snee-Oosh owns Hey Arnold! (created by Craig Bartlett).

Snee-Oosh, Paramount Pictures, and Nickelodeon Movies own Hey Arnold! The Movie (created by Craig Bartlett).

Lil' Romeo, Lil' J, Lil' Bow Wow, Jerry Springer, and Mr. T own themselves.

This fanfic is written solely for the purpose of entertainment.

No copyright infringement is intended.

WARNING: I suggest against reading this if:

-you are a fan of any of the "Three Lil's"

-you are a fan of Hey Arnold! (particularly the movie)

-you are any of the "Three Lil's"

You can read if ya want, but don't go complaining to me if you are offended, because YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

(Sonic is at home, watching TV with Miles "Tails" Prower and eating chili dogs.)

Sonic: This stinks worse than our farts! All that's on now are evil rappers, talk shows, and soap operas.

Tails: How `bout Jerry Springer?

Sonic: What? You want to watch the most idiotic idiots of all idiocy yell at each other? No way.

Tails: How about watching our Invader ZIM tapes?

Sonic: Grounder stole those, remember? Hey, I know! Let's find Grounder right now!

(They grab spiked baseball bats and head out into downtown Station Square.)

Sonic: OK, Tails, you go look in the buildings, and I'll stay on the street.

???: Give me coal! I need coal!

Sonic: Who the heck are you?

The Joe Man: I'm the Joe Man! Now, GIVE ME YER ANTHRACITE!

Sonic: I don't have any. Are you trying to burn something?

Joe Man: WHAAAAATTT????!!! How can you even THINK of burning precious coal?!

Sonic: Huh?

Joe Man: Coal is for EATING!

Sonic: Won't ya get a heart attack?

Joe Man: Yes, but I LIVE! I LIVE!

Sonic: See ya!

(Tails, meanwhile, is searching in the Sega building.)

Random Guy: Hey Tails?

Tails: What's up?

Random Guy: (hands message to Tails) Give this to Sonic. Oh, and I think that guy you're looking for is in the men's room.

Tails: THANKS!

(Sonic is at the Casino Night Zone, playing a slot machine. He gets ring, ring, Eggman.)

Sonic: Oh, crap!!! I LOST ALL OF MY RINGS!!!! ^$#@*%!!!!!!

(Enter Tails)

Tails: Sonic! What the hell are you doing HERE?! Anyway, I beat up Grounder and got our tapes back. Oh, and here's a note for you. (hands the note to Sonic.)

Sonic reads the note, which reads as follows:

Sonic, we regret to inform you that, due to budget cuts and the cost of the remaining Dreamcast consoles, you have been fired from the cast of Sega characters. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Good luck to you in your new future,

The management staff at Sega

P.S. We have your house and all of your money, with the exception of $100.

Sonic: WHAAAAAAAAAATT??!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Tails: What'll you do now, Sonic?

Sonic: Don't worry. This slot machine will eventually pay off, and I'll have as much money as before!

(Later…)

Sonic: I can't believe I have no more money left. WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Tails: Great. NOW what will you do?

Sonic: I'll find a job.

(Two weeks later… Sonic has not found a job yet, and he is a hobo on the streets.)

Sonic: Spare a buck? Or two or three? Please?

???: That's not the way it's done, dude.

Sonic: Huh?

HoboSurfer: The name's HoboSurfer. You have to show them your cowabunga!

Sonic: Cowabunga?

HoboSurfer: You know! Make them want to give you money, man!

Sonic: How do I do that?

HoboSurfer: I'm still figuring that out, dude.

(Sonic then spots a want ad for a coal miner. Seeing this as the only job available, he goes to the mine the next day.)

Sonic: I'm here for the job of coal miner.

Head Miner: Hmm? Oh, the miner. OK, you'll work over there with Joe Man, heh heh.

(Sonic walks over to where Joe Man is operating machinery. He stops periodically to take a chunk of coal and shove it in his mouth.)

Joe Man: Hey! Welcome to the COAL mine! There's enough coal for both of us to eat! I wonder why we're collecting it and not eating it…

Sonic: It's collected so that it can be taken to places and get burnt as fuel.

Joe Man: ATROCITY! THAT IS UNTHINKABLE!!! COAL IS TO BE EATEN, NOT BURNT!!!!!

Miner #1: Joe Man, you are so stupid.

Joe Man: I am not! Coal is verrry nutritious!

Miner #2: Idiot!

Sonic: That's it. I'm leaving the crazy peoples' mine.

Joe Man: <GASP!>

(Joe Man has a heart attack, and his MedicAlert bracelet beeps. Soon, paramedics storm the mine and take him to the hospital.)

Sonic: Okay, I am DEFINITELY leaving!

Head Miner: No money for you!

Sonic: Nooooo!!!

(Tails comes in.)

Tails: Sonic! I've found something out! Come to my workshop!

(At the workshop, Tails turns on a monitor.)

Tails: I've analyzed the note, and I can trace it to…

Sonic: Just as I suspected! Dr. Robotnik! I'll go get Amy and Knuckles, and you can get the Tornado 3 ready!

Tails: We'll do that, except it's not Eggman this time!

Sonic: It's not?

Tails: No. It's Lil' Romeo, Lil' J, and Lil' Bow Wow!

Sonic: You mean THEY said I was fired?! Those @#$%%&!

(Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Knuckles take the Tornado 3 to Nickelodeon studios, where the 3 Lil's are.)

Lil' J: Yo yo, Sega execu-whatevers! That Sonic is no longa on yo team!

(There are Sega executives tied up and gagged in a corner of the room.)

Sonic: Yeah right!

Lil' Bow Wow: Oh, darn! It's Sonic and his loser friends!

Lil' Romeo: Lil' Bow Wow! Lil' J! ATTACK!!!

(The two Lil's charge toward Sonic and his friends. Amy whacks them away, where Sonic spin-dashes Lil' J in half. Then, Knuckles punches Lil' Bow Wow's gut, and then he is finished off by Amy and Tails.)

Knuckles: Do you give up, or do ya want more?

Lil' Romeo: Hey Arnold! Get you and yo friend over here!

Amy: More minions? No matter, my hammer will take care of you!

Arnold: You must be from FTI. Die!

Tails: But we're not…oh well. We'll kick your butts!!!

(Gerald and Arnold grab sheathed sabers from the wall and whack Sonic's and Tails' toes.)

Sonic: You butt! That's not how you use a sword. (He and Tails snatch the swords) You use it like THIS!!!

(Sonic and Tails slice Arnold and Gerald.)

Lil' Romeo: Rrrrrggh! I can still beat you!

Amy: Not if I do this!

(Amy dials a number on her cell phone.)

Amy: (Impersonating Lil' Romeo) Hello, Mr. T? You suck!!! I hate you, and I don't think you know anythin'! Oh, and I am Lil' Romeo at Nickelodeon studios! (Hangs up)

(Soon, Mr. T's van zooms into the building.)

Mr. T: I pity da foo' who insulted me! Dat foo' is a rappa: Lil' Romeo!

Lil' Romeo: Uh oh.

Mr. T: You a foo'!

(Mr. T runs over Lil' Romeo and drives away.)

Knuckles: Whoa! You got Mr. T to run over Lil' Romeo in his helluva fast 1982 GMC van! Excellent thinking, Amy!

Amy: Thanks!

Tails: Hey everybody! For saving them, the Sega executives are giving us…

Knuckles: What?

Amy: Money?

Sonic: Chili dogs?

Dr. Robotnik: The Chaos Emeralds?

Tails: Go away, Eggman.

Dr. Robotnik: Okey-dokey! (leaves)

Tails: They are giving us the honor of meeting this fanfic's writers!

Sonic: Writers?

Amy: What writers?

Knuckles: We don't have writers!

DragonDude: Oh, yes you do, pathetic minions!

Knuckles: How did you get here so fast?

RedPanther: We wrote ourselves here.

Amy: Don't you mean, "we rode here?"

DragonDude: No, we wrote ourselves here, and I could write YOU out!

Tails: NO! DON'T!

Sonic: Wait, how is this a reward?

RedPanther: It's rewarding to meet us.

DragonDude: Yes, and I was the creator of The Joe Man and HoboSurfer!

Sonic: YOU CREATED THOSE TWO IDIOTS?!

DragonDude: Yeah, and that's not the last you'll see of them!

Sonic: Oh great.

RedPanther: Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll have to go write more crazy stories!

DragonDude: Be glad you haven't met BladderBoy and FartSkunk! Now, we gotta go!

(We teleport away.)

Amy: (nervously) BladderBoy? FartSkunk?

(Sonic cries in frustration.)

THE END???