Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Almost Done! ( Chapter 21 )

Chapter Twenty One: Almost Done!

 

[Inside of the throne room of Minas Tirith, Luigi, Gordon Freeman, Eggman, Shadow, Cervantes, and Megabyte are standing around.]

 

Luigi: Sonic is-a out of-a my vision.

 

Eggman: We're pretty much screwed, aren't we?

 

Megabyte: Definitely.

 

Luigi: Not-a really. If-a Sauron had-a the Ring, he would have-a come here and-a bitched slapped-a Eggman.

 

Eggman: Oh.

 

Luigi: Doesn't that-a…shock-a you? Or-a something?

 

Eggman: Not really. Since I'm the King of Men, it's pretty obvious that Sauron would be pissed at me.

 

Cervantes: Arr?

 

Shadow: That's what I've been saying! How did you get of be the King of Men? I want to be the King of Men!

 

Luigi: You-a can't-a be! You are-a hedgehog!

 

Shadow: Thank you, Captain Obvious…

 

Eggman: I'll make it up to you. I will nominate you the Grand Duke of Bad-Assery!

 

Shadow: Sweet…can my poofy get a ceremonial position?

 

Eggman: I dunno about giving posts to inanimate objects…

 

Gordon: (cough)

 

Eggman: Uhh…yeah…I'm going to have to give the position of Grand Duke of Bad-Assery to Gordon…

 

Shadow: What? Why? Why are you taking away my position?

 

Eggman: Because Gordon is about to whack my head off with a titanium crowbar, and to be honest, I like my head, and I really want to get a few more years of service out of it.

 

Luigi: Wise-a decision!

 

Cervantes: Arr! Arr!

 

Megabyte: Ooh…the Prime Minister of (extreme rage) DON'T YOU EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP?! (back to calm) has something to say…

 

Cervantes: (hurt) Arr…

 

Megabyte: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!

 

[Megabyte and Cervantes hug.]

 

Shadow: Gaaaaaaayyyyyyy….

 

Eggman: As the King of Men I declare that we shall ride out to the Black Gate of Mordor where I shall parlay with the Master of Mordor and then act as a diversion so Sonic can dump the accursed Ring into the fires of the infernal mountain of DOOM!

 

[Silence.]

 

Eggman: I mean…we can kick Sauron's ass! While Sonic destroys the Ring!

 

Megabyte: Meh…we have nothing better to do…

 

[As triumphant hero type music plays, the remainders of the armies of Men marches out of Minas Tirith and heads towards Mordor. The camera cuts to Mordor. There is a large massive army of Orcs heading towards the Black Gate. It's impossible to see who is who in this next scene.]

 

Orc General Guy #2: (echoing) Move you slugs! Get to the Gate! On the double you punks!

 

Orc's Voice: That's mean!

 

Orc General Guy #2: I'm paid to be mean!

 

Other Orc Voice: Why don't I get paid?

 

Still Another Orc Voice: Because you suck!

 

Orc General Guy #2: Cut the chatter!

 

Still Another Orc Voice: Your mom didn't cut the chatter!

 

Orc General Guy #2: Okay, we can stop with all the “your mom” jokes…

 

Orc's Voice: Your mom didn't stop!

 

Orc General Guy #2: AGGGGH!

 

Other Orc Voice: That's the noise your mom made last night!

 

Orc General Guy #2: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP OR I'M GONNA KILL ALL OF YOU!

 

Still Another Orc Voice: I killed your mom last night!

 

Orc General Guy #2: ARREST HIM! CHARGE HIM WITH MURDER!

 

Orc's Voice: I arrested your mo—

 

[Loud strangling noises echo across Mordor.]

 

Orc General Guy #2: THERE! The next idiot who makes a “your mom” joke gets strangled to death!

 

Other Orc Voice: I strangled yo—actually, never mind.

 

[As the army moves off, Sonic and Tails begin walking towards Mt. DOOM.]

 

Tails: Holy crap…what an immature group of dorks…

 

Sonic: Hehe…that was pretty funny…”your mom didn't cut the chatter”…hehe…

 

Tails: Wow.

 

Sonic: What?

 

Tails: Nothing…at least we're getting some good luck, the army is moving off…

 

Sonic: (gasping for breath) Tails…I can't…

 

[Sonic staggers, and leans against a rock.]

 

Tails: Sonic?

 

Sonic: I'm so thirsty…

 

Tails: Here…take this…this is the last of my water.

 

[Tails hands Sonic a small water pouch, which Sonic drains of water.]

 

Sonic: There…isn't enough for the journey home…

 

Tails: Sonic, there isn't going to be a journey home.

 

[Sonic and Tails look at each other for a second, which dissolves into a minute, until the two realize they're staring at each other, and look away. {Author's Note: Man, this is a short chapter…the next one should be better…}]