Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Wacky Sonic Adventures! ❯ Ran for the cupboard ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

[Tails Workshop/Bumming Place/Eggman's home away from home]

Shadow [sitting on couch; watching friends]: I love this show!

Knuckles [sitting beside Shadow]: You know there hasn't been any new episode for friends in five years, right?

Shadow [crushed; rage]: What?!

Knuckles [scooting away from Shadow]: Take it easy! I thought you as the ultimate lifeform knew.

Shadow [shame]: I'm ashamed of myself.

Knuckles [to himself]: Duh! that's what the brackets say!

Shadow: What?

Knuckles: Nothing!

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[Intro them song performed by Ryudo]

Ryudo [singing theme song]:

They's the ultra fast invulnerable Sonic crew! Ain't nothing in the world they don't know how to do!

Save you from eggman's plots and evil tyranny!

Tear you from the clutches of his goons and giant laser beams.

No villain has the balls to stand up to them!

Cos' if they do they goin get ripped limb from limb!

So don't fuck wit the crew unless you got a death wish!

Whip that ass so hard you be sleeping wit the fish!

Remember who told ya! My name is Ryudo!

Don't get it mixed up with that bitch named Ryuho!

I'm outta here!

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W*A*C*K*Y*

A*D*V*E*N*T*U*R*E*S

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[COMMERCIAL]

Eggman [In tune with R.Kelly's song `Tapped in the closet']:

I woke up in early in the morning, looking for my hoes.

Cos they know they gotta fetch me my cereal bowls!

After long I gave up on looking!

I went down stairs to my cupboard!

I opened my cupboard!

Had to get in the cupboard!

I took a look inside

Where the f[bleep] is my Cheerios!?

My bitch probably ate em!

I had to fill up my cupboard!

So I could eat from the cupboard!

I had to get to the store, to by some more Cheerios!

I walked in the store!

I looked for my cheerios, so I could fill up my cupboard!

So I could eat out the cupboard!

But I didn't see any Cheerios!

I went to the counter!

Asked for my Cheerios!

They said `We don't have any Cheerios!'

That's when I got mad! `Not have any Cheerios?'

What the f[bleep] kind of grocery store is this?!

I went thrashing about

Looking for my cheerios!

I had to find them cheerios!

Or the box that was wit my hoes!

I had them cheerios!

That's when the cops came in, guns raised.

They tried to shoot me while I was looking for some cheerios!

So I did what any man in my position would do…

I ran for the cupboard!

Had to get to get in the cupboard!

Tried to hide in the cupboard!

I said `f[bleep] cheerios!'

That's when the cops found me.

Because they smelled the smell of rotten Eggs around me!

Do you know what they did?

They took me out of the cupboard!

Took me away from my cupboard!

Cuffed me in front of the cupboard!

Now where the f[bleep] are my cheerios!?

I guess I'll never know!

Just one piece of advice,

Stay away from the closet!

Don't get trapped in the closet!

Cause if you do…

Eggy won't save you!

Catchy jingle: Pledge to Eggman <Sparkle noise>

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[Tails' workshop…]

Knuckles [watched very Eggman commercial; after a moment of silence]: Whoa…

[In a random hotel in SS]

Sol Badguy [From Guilty Gear]: Hmm, bellboy! Come take my stuff to my room!

Edge [the bellboy; whiny]: But it's too heavy!

Sol [Fireseal in hand]: Is it still to *heavy*?

Edge [scared shitless]: No…

Sephiroth [The manager]: I will not have any of this bullshit in the masamune hotel!

Sol [cocks an eyebrow]: Masamune hotel?

Edge [ditto]: Masamune hotel?

[Sephiroth points to a sign that indeed says: `welcome to the masamune hotel.']

[A few feet away…]

Janemba [You should know where he's from; evil; sword in hand]: You, candy girl! Give me some candy!

Bridget [the `candy girl'; Guilty Gear Bridget; angry]: I'm not a girl!

Janemba [cocks an eyebrow]: are you sure?

Bridget [rage]: Yes! [Normal] now, what is it you want?

Janemba: Well, I was thinking a snickers bar. I heard they were good.

Bridget [disbelief]: you've never tasted a snickers bar?

Janemba [angry]: I've been in hell my whole life! There's no snickers down there!

Bridget [hands him said candy bar]: here ya go!

Janemba [grabs it and gobbles it down]: More…

Bridget: They're aren't any more… and there never will be!

Janemba [Darth Vader-ish voice]: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[Back at the H.F.I.B. (Home for infinite bums)]

Amy [Trying for the umpteenth time to get Sonic to date her]: Please?

Sonic [not looking at her; watching Tv, while drinking some beer]: No.

Amy [seductive]: I'll—[gets interrupted]

[Some guy bursts through the door wearing a torn up under shirt; some coke rubbed against his lips, and a bag of cheeseburgers in his hand.]

Daigo [the guy; to Shadow]: Hey man, you got some weed?

Shadow: No.

Daigo: Please, man. Give me some weed, man.

Shadow: Are you drunk?

Daigo [after a moment of silence]: I got these cheeseburgers, man. [Holds up bag of cheeseburgers]

Shadow [shrugs]: I don't want any cheeseburgers.

Daigo [Not giving up]: Come on, man! I suck yo dick!

Shadow: What?

Daigo: I suck yo dick, man!

Shadow [disgusted]: Ew! Get out of here!

Rouge [seen the whole scene; walks up to Shadow]: Was that Daigo?

Shadow [shrugs]: I don't know.

Mario [suddenly there; talking in some weird language]: H3ll0 n00bs!!

Shadow [confused]: What?

Mario: What-a?

Shadow: Huh?

Mario: Who?

Shadow: Where?

Mario: Why?

Rouge: Shut it!

[Suddenly, who should burst through the door other than…]

Eggman [Peach hefted over his shoulder]: What's up, bitches?

Sonic [Takes a swig of his drink; doesn't notice the bound and gagged princess sitting on eggman's shoulder]: yo!

Mario [Pointing an accusing finger]: Ha! I've-a found you, you-a lame piece-a sheet! (He meant to say shit.)

[eggman removes the gag from Peach's mouth]

Peach: Thank goodness, Mario!

Mario [ignoring Peach]… give me-a back the-a remote! (See last chapter)

[Peach's jaw drops to the floor]

Peach: WHAT!!!?!?!?!?!?!

Eggman [shifty eyes]: What remote?

Mario: the remote in-a between you-a asscheeks!

[Everyone exchange disgusted glances]:

Eggman [Sucking the remote into his anus as we speak]: I don't have any remote.

Sonic [realization, spits out beer]: Hey…

[Eggman begins to sweat]

Sonic: I misplaced my pants.

Tails [walking into the room; rage]: You don't wear pants!

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[COMMERCIAL]

Eggman [holding some strange object in hand; to commercial audience]: Dear people of the world; are you tired of taking a shit and that water splashing up on your ass?

[The studio audience nods]

Eggman: Well, try my patented `Eggman water shield' [Holds up some round metal with a hole in the middle] All you have to do is sit it on your toilet, then sit on the hole in the middle and drop your deuce! There, no water.

Sephiroth [in the audience]: What if your shit is too big to fit through the hole?

Eggman [still smiling as he talks]: Then you're a freak, and should get that checked out by a doctor, or your shit out of luck! Pun intended.

Farah [in the audience also]: You suck balls, Eggman!

Eggman [suddenly angry]: Oh yeah? Well, your mother can't talk without batteries, bitch!

[The audience gasps in shock]

Eggman [rage; pulls out two giant plasma cannons from nowhere]: Yeah! I'm gonna f[bleep] all yaw motherf[bleep] up! I'm-a stab your f[bleep] neck, and [really long bleep as Eggman's mouth keeps moving]

[The screen changes to the blank screen with the strips of colors on it. In the background you can hear guns being fired]

Catchy jingle: Pledge allegiance to Eggman <Sparkle noise>

A/n: well, there you have it.