Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Addiction ❯ Chapter 1

~Addiction~

 

 

 

Marron's response had been almost annoyingly predictable; the kind of person who could not lie even in action, it seemed... he would not put up a pretence towards anything that he didn't feel within himself, and when he looked to Milphey with eyes that only expressed the same calm and believed truth, the words perhaps didn't have the effect that the intent had implied.

 

The two of them had been sat in Eden's gardens, enjoying the sunny day and watching the Misu sisters chase Carrot across the lawns. Chocolat had been shouting loudly about things that most people probably didn't want to know about her bodily state in accordance to Carrot, and whether Tira was chasing to stop Chocolat or to stop Carrot was unclear. Marron was able to watch those three, as he was able to watch most things, with an entirely objective stare. Indeed, the only thing that seemed to turn objective to subjective in Marron's eyes was Carrot, but when it was a calm afternoon and there was no immediate threat, he seemed to see no point in getting involved.

 

Milphey had commented on this, on Marron's objective view on things, on his ability to be able to remain entirely separate to those sorts of actions... Carrot was always chasing women, the Misu sisters were always chasing Carrot (for one reason or another), Gateau was always posing and flirting and trying to get people to look at him... even Milphey himself wasn't invulnerable to such things, anybody who knew him would know that almost immediately. When somebody was cute and giving Milphey even half an opportunity to indulge, he'd happily take friendly advantage. If somebody was cute then it was a good idea to tell them so, wasn't it? Milphey wasn't sure how many times he'd told Marron he was cute, and also wasn't sure if any of that had ever gone on board. If Carrot was told then he'd get annoyed and embarrassed, even Marron would be embarrassed sometimes but then other times he'd just reply with an 'oh' and it'd be as if Milphey hadn't said anything at all...

 

Perhaps it was action merely for the reaction, but the further Marron remained as he was, the further Milphey was tempted to make him react. Not in the way that Gateau attempted things; Gateau would flirt and pose, but it seemed obvious to anybody's eyes that Marron didn't appreciate such showy displays of affection. One could wonder why Gateau even bothered.

 

So everybody had their different activity and style. You couldn't help it, could you? People were, on the whole, attractive in some way, shape or form. If you liked them for something, then essentially you'd let them know. Marron was the exception. He could remain so quiet, he was the type of person you never knew what he was thinking... sometimes he'd have that kind of displeased expression when Carrot did something he didn't approve of, but at that moment on that afternoon under those trees, Marron had seemed entirely comfortable. Carrot was on the way to pain from the Misu sisters, but that wasn't something important. That was usually a judged and deserved punishment - and the two of them had their own rationale behind it all. Marron knew that they didn't attack Carrot for purely vicious reasons; their punishment had the reason of improvement behind it, though by now it seemed proved that the physical pain wouldn't detract Carrot from his activities.

 

Things like that, though... the feeling, the chase, the emotion, the flirtation... anything like that. Marron never got involved in anything like that. It was unfair to say that it seemed that Marron didn't have feelings towards anybody, he quite obviously had strong emotion when it came to his brother, and he was at least friendly in his own detached sort of way to the others of his daily life... but when it came to that feeling... well, maybe Marron just didn't see anybody in the immediate vicinity like that? There were quite a few people in Eden, but nobody said you had to fall for somebody just because they were in your locale. Perhaps none of the people in Eden had caught Marron's attention.

 

From Milphey's point of view, that was just asking to be addressed.

 

So, watching Carrot and the Misu sisters, the conversation had eventually been steered in that sort of direction. The fun things about having somebody to chase. The nice things about having somebody you cared for. The way things could be shared, the things that could be done together. All the things that could be done together. Marron had seemed a little embarrassed to hear some of the things that Milphey said, but the boy wasn't stupid and surely he had some idea. It was fun to tease him, anyway. In the end, Milphey had asked just how come Marron didn't apply himself to things like that, why he didn't choose to behave like that.

 

He'd almost smiled, "... I... have no interest in that kind of behaviour."

 

Something like that seemed almost amazing to Milphey's mind. Well, watching Carrot, Tira and Chocolat as they'd been at that time, such a thing could be understandable. The way they yelled and screamed at him, the way he yelled and screamed his protests, the irrational beatings, the pain that could be involved... not all relationships were like that though, surely Marron realised? Didn't he want the things that had been previously mentioned, the comfort and the love and the warmth and the sex!?... Marron had only reiterated his point. There were other things to focus on, things that were of more practical importance. Their job was an important one, and Marron hadn't said exactly that at least somebody should be able to keep a level head, but Milphey felt that that was what he'd been implying. While able to perform to their utmost when the situation required it, far too much of their activity seemed to be concerned with chasing each other round and around. Marron did at least say that he admired Chocolat's stamina - for years now she'd been pursuing Carrot every single day, but in that stamina was there not also weakness? Surely that determination belied the feeling behind it. What kind of desperation kept somebody after an unwilling target for that length of time? Marron didn't understand and he didn't want to understand. Surely there was a point where somebody realised that the pursuit was futile, where they should give up?

 

Milphey had only smiled; sometimes the chase was better than the catch itself. While it was a reasoning that Marron didn't seem to be able to understand, perhaps Chocolat really never expected Carrot to return her feelings, but she enjoyed the action and the reaction? If Carrot would never change in his ways, then there was no real reason why she should have done either. Indeed, this line of thought seemed alien to Marron, and he just shook his head. He had no interest in meaningless things like that.

 

Things, Milphey felt the need to point out, didn't have to be meaningless. Even Marron had to be aware of how meaningful some relationships were, surely? The human heart had such a capacity to be able to love... people could be quiet or enthusiastic in their feeling, but surely for even its existence, the basic feeling could never have been described of as pointless. Marron had only remained seemingly unconvinced on the subject, and the conversation had eventually died out and moved to different topics.

 

After that one afternoon, the thought had become a kind of a project in Milphey's mind. How could somebody really feel that way? Perhaps it was understandable if somebody didn't feel ready for those sorts of feelings, but even then, somebody would recognize their worth... but to have no interest? To only see such things as a distraction? That such an opinion would be held by such an irresistible person only made the thought of a plan that bit sweeter. After all, Marron was irresistible; Milphey appreciated all of the Sorcerer Hunters to different degrees for different reasons, and Marron certainly had a lot that was going for him. His calm manner, his mysterious emotions, his stunning good looks - not that Milphey saw himself as somebody who was shallow exactly, but one had to be simply blind not to acknowledge Marron's appearance...

 

If nothing else, it seemed a shame that nobody would be able to appreciate that. At least, they wouldn't be able to appreciate it in the special sorts of ways - and even more of a shame, Marron didn't seem to want to let himself be appreciated like that. Gateau certainly held an interest, but that was neither one way or the other with Marron. Perhaps he saw himself as being teased? Milphey wasn't sure of the extent of the relationship between those two. When Gateau wasn't annoying Marron they seemed to get on perfectly well, if nothing else. Perhaps his own feelings towards Gateau had soured Marron in the thrill of the chase. It wasn't something that could be known without talking to Marron, and as far as that went, that seemed somewhat difficult. Not that Marron was hard to talk to, Milphey quite liked to find him on an afternoon to converse with, but when it came to conversation along those lines... Marron always seemed reluctant to broach the topics. Sometimes he'd come right out and say he didn't want to talk about things like that.

 

Maybe asking so much had taken its toll on Marron. Gateau was annoying in the physical flirtation, and Milphey started to worry he was becoming annoying in the prying and the curiosity. If Marron wasn't going to vocalize his feelings, then he wasn't going to say anything; that couldn't be helped.

 

What would it take, Milphey wondered, to inflame Marron's curiosity? It seemed strange that somebody of his age wouldn't be curious, though given the activity around him then perhaps it wasn't so strange. Though still a shame. Did he never even consider what things could be like? What were his thoughts and fantasies like? Did he even have thoughts and fantasies? Milphey had dared ask that, once. Marron had only blushed and looked to the side; he didn't really think about that... he wasn't really sure... he was obviously deflecting the question. Milphey found it hard to believe that somebody really wouldn't have fantasies. Everybody did. At the very least, surely Marron had had an erotic dream or two in his time... perhaps he couldn't remember them, but that wasn't the point! Lust was just as valid an urge as anything else, and if Marron was repressing anything then surely it wasn't something healthy...

 

On the other hand, a practical demonstration had never been on the cards. The idea was to open Marron's mind a little, make him a little curious, get him thinking about things. The question itself that had led to the rest had been one that was spontaneous, asking Marron if he'd ever been kissed or not... quite predictably, the answer was that no, he hadn't been.

 

That particular afternoon had been a harmless one in itself. Nothing had been going on otherwise, so Milphey had ended up talking with Marron in one of the bedrooms of Eden. There had been a cup of tea, a boardgame had sat between them... that was soon to be forgotten.

 

Milphey wasn't sure just what impulse it was that made him ask Marron if he'd like to try it. Try kissing. See what it was like. Marron had only looked at him across the table in slight confusion, Milphey had clarified. If Marron wanted to see what kissing was like, well, they could kiss. Milphey was quite happy with the idea, it was just up to whether Marron wanted to or not... as usual he'd just looked away, this time saying that he wouldn't want to do something embarrassing like that.

 

What was embarrassing about it, he couldn't seem to say. This only made Milphey that little bit more determined. It was a sign of affection, wasn't it? People kissed all the time, whether it was on the lips or the cheek or anywhere else on the body... a kiss on the lips couldn't be that different, could it? Even Marron would have kissed and been kissed before, even if only as a child...

 

A kiss on the lips could be terribly terribly different, but it was alright to obscure the truth just a little. Milphey had primarily wanted to surprise Marron. It could make him curious, couldn't it? Make him want to kiss again, make him want to find somebody to kiss, to do more things with... if it could be just the first step taken then it would have been a result, and Milphey would have been happy.

 

Marron had, surprisingly, eventually caved to Milphey's argument. Maybe there was nothing wrong with a kiss if it was just one to see what it was like, one to experiment... at first he'd protested, they were both men (Milphey didn't have a problem with that), there was no feeling between them (Milphey had quite a few feelings for Marron, though he didn't really know Marron's opinion of him), it'd be embarrassing (though Milphey still wasn't sure why or how), they could be caught (by who? And who would begrudge them a kiss?)... even Marron seemed to realise when his point of argument was failing.

 

There seemed to be quite a few reasons why Marron felt that they shouldn't do something like that, but Milphey had been quick to notice that not one of those had been 'I don't want to'; if Marron had said that clearly then Milphey would honestly have stopped, but the protest did seem to originate from that basic embarrassment rather than any strong feeling against such an action... less that Marron didn't want to and more that Marron felt that he couldn't, for one reason or another. The only real reason seemed, to Milphey, to be that he wouldn't let himself do something like 'that'. Sometimes people needed a little help to find out things that they could or couldn't do, and Milphey had had Marron sat on the bed from the early origins of the conversation... actions could speak louder than words and actions could also silence words, and Milphey's kiss had been quite effective in persuading Marron to silence.

 

It was impossible to know what thoughts were running through Marron's head at that time; indeed, in a way, it seemed hard to judge what his reaction was, if he was reacting at all... Milphey's lips had been pressed against Marron's own and a tongue wished to seek further... Marron hadn't forbid this, but he'd hardly seemed to embrace the action, either... Milphey had moved closer, then. To think that things like that were embarrassing... other things could outweigh that embarrassment. Milphey allowed himself be a little rougher with the boy; a kiss could so easily communicate desperate feeling if one let it, and for Marron to even be aware of just a fraction of such feeling... could he answer in a similar fashion?

 

Whether he could or whether he couldn't, he didn't seem to protest any as Milphey wrapped his arms around behind Marron's shoulders, ended up pushing him down against the bed... a kiss while lying down could be that bit more languid, and Milphey's movements had only expressed that; Marron had made such lovely little sounds, tiny cries... but a cry could also be a negative thing, and so Milphey had pulled away at that moment to ensure that Marron was still alright. Milphey wanted to make him comfortable, not scare Marron away from the things he was already unsure of.

 

Marron hadn't seemed to know how to react, and on receiving that total sense of speechless silence in return, Milphey could only stare back; Marron looked up at him with such a kind of confusion, momentarily unable to speak and perhaps even momentarily unable to move... Milphey had whispered his name, aware that something had changed in the few moments taken to move forward and kiss him. Perhaps something had been nudged into stirrings of life, there was the potential for something to be discovered... but whatever was in that stare could not be left unanswered. The position itself had suggested much, Milphey's legs lying lazily between Marron's own, his arms still around Marron's shoulders, their bodies pressed together... it took such willpower to move away far enough to be able to look at him, and... the realisation on moving away was only the growing need to be closer once more. To be able to look upon Marron was something special in itself, but then to be aware of his warm body so perilously nearby...

 

There was another rather sudden realisation that Milphey came to, though he never would have dreamt telling Marron of it at that moment in time.

 

A kiss would not be enough.

 

To be able to have a little was to want more, more. To have seen Marron was to want to know him. To know him was to want to know him more, know him deeper. To know him more was to find out about him, to find out this, to find out that... to find out those things was to want to know more of those things, and to know his barriers was to want to break them. In the most careful way possible.

 

To walk with him was to want to sit with him, to sit with him was to want to lie with him, to lie with him was to want to hold him, and to hold him was only to uncover a plethora of more that was available. Nothing could be thought of in itself in that instant - a kiss could indeed perhaps be for educational purposes, but following along that train of thought, just what was it that followed a kiss?... It seemed to boil down to the fact that to know Marron was to want him, and the unsure confusion in those eyes... to be able to clear that confusion, to be able to make him comfortable, to know more of him and to be able to teach him more, to be in that capacity to be able to be something more special... it was entirely possible that Marron had his own legitimate reasons for not showing interest in relationships at that time, but then at that very specific point in time, none of that seemed to matter. When Marron let out that little moan and leant up to bring Milphey down with his own hands, leant up to resume the kiss that had been disturbed only by the silent stares, Milphey knew this wouldn't be something in his power to stop. It would go as far as it was able, it would stop if and when Marron said so, not before.

 

As it was, Milphey eventually found himself pressing Marron against the pillows and the headboard of the bed, legs over his shoulders, erection buried deeply within the gasping youth beneath him... somehow it had managed to go that far, and it was almost exhilarating to realise that he couldn't really remember how.

 

Clothes had been hastily discarded. Marron's trousers lay on the floor somewhere, but the frenzied need to be closer had only really needed removal of those, and Marron's robe still hung around his shoulders. Quite far back against his shoulders, it was entirely undone and the only thing really keeping it to his body was how it caught up against his arms... it seemed to slip down his shoulder then be pushed up just a little with each movement, and there was something inexplicably arousing about the sight of Marron like that, still technically half-clothed. Something brazen about the temptation of flesh still covered, that just a little would remain hidden even once gone that far... the kind of urgency it implied, the fact that they hadn't even managed to remove each other's clothes before indulging in each other... Milphey's top remained, but his shawl was alongside Marron's trousers and his headscarf was tangled up in the bedsheets somewhere, he didn't care where.

 

Marron had at least managed to find his voice, by that point. A voice which was disturbed by sharp gasps and then silenced by Milphey's continual kisses, but he would moan and he would gasp and he would cry, and even the hint of his voice in those noises was enough to send a shudder right through Milphey's body. He knew that voice. He knew the person who owned that voice. He'd spent afternoons conducting friendly conversation with the owner of that voice, had heard it talk of many things, but until then had never yet heard it caught so fully around his own name, had never heard it sound as if even one word took so much effort to be able to speak... Marron was the kind of person where, if he addressed you by name, you noticed it. This situation was so different to any other, though... this was not the quiet satisfaction of 'ah, he said my name'; this was the carnal desperation of 'he can't say anything but my name', and realising that only made Milphey's movements more feral. Each gasp and cry was a shielded request and the sheer force of need in that voice was so terribly evident. The voice became louder, higher, more breathless... what could be more than that? How much further could he be pushed? The singular mindframe was an insane yearning to want to be able to know.

 

For Marron to be so vocal even in his utterances was at least to bring Milphey some form of relief. If there was one thing he did remember, it was that long moment of the first movement, the moving forward to first claim him... there had been no chance to really ask if Marron was alright with such a gesture, how much he was aware of by his own learning... would he ever even have considered what such a thing could feel like? That kind of practise was not for everybody, and the extent of Marron's own sexuality seemed to be that he showed equal disinterest in either gender. He showed no protest at the idea of being taken, but again it had been his wordless expression at the end of that moment that had shaken Milphey the most. It was one physical gesture, just as a kiss was, or to hold hands, or to stroke somebody's head... well, perhaps it was different to that, the blush across Marron's cheeks was evident to the depth of his feeling, but still he said nothing - for that brief moment, it seemed as if anything was beyond that boy's control. He looked up with eyes that were more than unsure, those were eyes that clearly didn't know... Milphey had felt terribly aware of himself and of Marron at that time. What feelings were those that spread throughout Marron's body? Were they thoughts he could even think to express, to describe? He held his breath, and Milphey wondered if, for that second, if he had forgotten even how to breathe...

 

What was something to be so powerful like that? Milphey didn't know if it was something he'd lost between the years or something he could only ever feel brief knowledge of, but to whisper "Breathe, Marron-chan..." into his ear and hear a rushed gasp in return... was it something so powerful in the body of he who was taken that Milphey would have control even over his breathing...?

 

What was it when you had to put trust into somebody else to be able to take care of something so basic and required?

 

What was it about Marron's breathing that made even the movement one that was addicting? The way his chest would rise and fall as it came to some kind of order... the way he seemed to move forward just slightly as he gasped, the way he shuddered as breathing became caught on emotion and even a name was too complicated to form within his throat... to hear a name was to know conquest but to hear nothing was to know domination, and Marron's eyes seemed to stare forth across the bedroom with the empty gaze of knowing nothing, of knowing confusion, of knowing this, of being able to feel nothing but that which he was given to feel and the feeling of being overwhelmed by it. There was nothing left in the conscious world but that which was felt between them, they had both devolved to the point of being nothing but two physical bodies needing to release the other could drive them to grant and evolved to the point of knowing nothing but each other, feeling nothing but each other, being aware of nothing but each other in that very immediate physical influence. Anybody and anything outside of that bedroom, outside of that bed had been forgotten. Nobody else existed. Nobody else mattered. To Marron, Milphey had enveloped him up in something that had very quickly and scarily easily become his entire current world. To Milphey, nothing and nobody was anything near to what Marron could be and was; he was there, he was something beyond what he would ever normally be... for all that he ever was, he had reached something higher. Milphey couldn't be sure what that was but he knew that he had helped Marron to reach it... and he didn't know if that was something to be frightened of or not.

 

Marron seemed to find it hard to meet Milphey's line of sight. Milphey certainly kept trying to nudge Marron's head back into that kind of position, would try to look on him with kind eyes... ideally he would have wished to smile, but that kind of conscious physical movement was one that felt too strenuous to be able to grant. Though, to look into Marron's eyes... there was still something distant about him. Not distant as he had been before, not distant as in being unreachable... more distant as in being lost. To see that kind of expression only made Milphey want to hold him closer and tighter, to be able to be prevented from losing him entirely...

 

To go deeper was to risk the extent of that knowledge. One day Marron would be entirely lost, with no hope of resurrection. To be closer was to risk that pain. To perhaps speak of that knowledge. Would it hurt Marron more if he knew or if he didn't know? It wasn't his own legacy that he would have to deal with. He'd be dead, he wouldn't be around to care. Perhaps that was what gave him the freedom to be able to give himself with such totality... his control was governed by his mind and he had the innocent freedom to be able to give himself entirely. Milphey only held Marron tighter. He wished he had that kind of freedom. He wished he could believe he could find that kind of freedom.

 

If he was able to grant Marron that kind of freedom, then perhaps it was all worth it... for all of the people and all of the years, it all came down to that one current moment which could have been considered as the present, and if all events had bearing on other events then it was each past moment which had added up to equal the present. Immortality was a curse, Milphey was aware of that, but had he lived out his human lifespan back at a time when he could have been considered mortal, then he would have died a good two hundred and fifty years before Marron had even existed. And yet here they were together, sharing a bed, sharing an afternoon, sharing a moment, sharing an experience, sharing life.

 

Such things were what moved Milphey's emotion. Not that Marron could be aware of that.

 

Just as it had been hard to judge the beginning of things, so was it also hard to tell just when it became that bit too much. Marron was undoubtedly tight and the movement to move back and forth within him and then so fractionally outside of him sent constant sensation to Milphey's body... to keep Marron held forth and to keep the movement constant, the warmth that settled below his stomach and spread lasciviously through his body felt almost numbing in its repetition, but... the further he was taken by watching Marron being taken, the sharper he could feel something within his body that was further than just 'numb'; it was impossible to know what it was that Marron was feeling exactly, but just to look at him at least held some indication. He stared somewhere up to the side, his eyes now less lost and more unseeing entirely... he was feeling something, he was seeing something, but just what that was or could be Milphey could have no idea of, and the memory would pass almost as soon as it came to life. Milphey couldn't bear witness and Marron wouldn't be able to explain, but for a moment there was something there, and for as much or as little as that something was, in the end, it seemed to be enough.

 

Was there even anything that could be said afterward? Climax rose and fell within Milphey's body at some point during all of that, in the way that something so intense could never quite be recalled come the return of rational thought. Sexual relation was something tricky like that; you could remember the circumstance and the fact, but the actual experience and sensation... how was it something different to be something so elusive to memory? Milphey didn't know. That was something that remained a mystery, and he wanted to keep it that way. From Marron's flushed expression and suddenly limp body, it seemed that he had managed to quite tire himself out also. A slight bodily shift caused Milphey to suppose that Marron had reached orgasm somewhere along the line, and he felt a little remorse for only thinking of such a thing at that point. However, that couldn't really be helped. For all the will and care in the world, when you were really so taken it was hard to concentrate on anything at all...

 

Then, for all the physical details, to really consider that... who had really been taken? Marron was lying with his eyes closed and his breath heavy. It was all the effort Milphey could afford to even lift his head to be able to look down at him. With an exhausted sigh, Milphey fell back against Marron, supposing that they both needed some time to recover their strength. Even a few moments could cause the rest of fractious feelings... it wasn't worth trying to consider anything whilst still in such a pervasive state of mind... it had only been proved that he didn't seem able to restrain himself when it was a matter concerning Marron. Would things have been the same had it been any of Mama's other children...? Would they have let something go so far? Would they have prevented things from happening? Would Milphey had done? Somehow, Milphey couldn't imagine the situation that had just happened with any of the others. It'd be too different. The thoughts and feelings would run through entirely different channels.

 

None of them had quite the qualities that Marron did.

 

To be fair, Marron was different from those others too, likely experiences with them would also be enjoyable in their own sorts of ways... but to be able to lean against Marron, to remain inside him as his body regained physical awareness, to be able to feel his breathing return to some kind of normal, to be able to lie with him and feel his heartbeat... even if things had happened without much conscious decision, Milphey wouldn't have changed that. Even if Marron had ideals that he'd spoilt... well... Marron didn't seem as if he hadn't enjoyed what had happened, in one way or another...

 

In the end, it was Marron who broke the silence, who said something that had to be thought about therefore bringing some need for coherent thought and speech back to the pair of them... or at least to Milphey, who felt he had to think about Marron's singular utterance.

 

"... Again..."

 

Milphey could only stare across at what he could see from his position, which happened to be the bedside cabinet beyond the upturned folds of the bed blankets. Also his headscarf, part of it caught up in the covers and the end of it hanging from the bed. Again? Was that... did Marron wish for a second experience so quickly...? Surely even he would realise the failings of the human body and the need for just a little rest before even considering something like that... the thought seemed almost amusing, for a moment. Milphey laughed quietly.

 

"... Again, Marron-chan...? So soon...? As much as I'd so very much love to, I... I really don't think I could for just a little while... so... perhaps with a little patience, the-"

 

"No..."

 

"Marron-chan?"

 

Marron's eyes were open, but he still didn't seem to be seeing anything in particular. He seemed to be staring up at the ceiling, but Milphey couldn't think of what would be so inherently fascinating about that which would cause Marron to want to stare at it so intently. He didn't mention it, just allowing Marron to say whatever he felt the need to put across.

 

"... In the future... I should wish for..."

 

"You want to do this again... in the future?"

 

"... Yes..."

 

The answer to that could only be a soft smile and a gentle expression, "Well, if that's what you want, then I can only agree with that... I wouldn't ever want to deny Marron-chan something, in any case. So I suppose it became something that interested you, hm?"

 

Still Marron only stared at the ceiling.

 

"I wished to keep myself from the frivolous things. I was also... I also felt that there would be something more than that... something which would keep those who wished for him in pursuit of my brother, something which enabled such constant determination..."

 

"You said you didn't understand that..."

 

"And perhaps I still don't. However, I think... I at least... I knew that the heat of emotion could sometimes become so overbearing that I-... if it was in a frivolous manner... I can't understand how it could be looked upon in such a way. The serious feeling. I can't feel I can explain how I let you seduce me... and yet I found myself so entirely seduced. It was... frightening, somehow."

 

Milphey spoke with honest concern, "I frightened you...?"

 

Marron shook his head in reply, "No, no... and that is something I am also unable to understand. It... I recall moments that felt so empty... where it felt as if there was nothing... and I couldn't understand, I couldn't... yet... you were still there, and I could only cling to you... it was frightening, but not entirely by that definition. I was frightened, but I... I wasn't scared... only aware, and yet not aware, but that-... that isn't something that I feel I can explain... I only knew that the emotion would be something difficult to bear. I found it so, yet I found it with you..."

 

His voice trailed to some kind of silence, and for a few moments it seemed that there was nothing that could be said. Who could be said to understand such irrational emotion in such a circumstance? Even those who had been present to experience it found it jumbled and already fleeting in their minds. Marron had the innocence to want to be able to explain that which he felt... Milphey knew it wasn't worth trying to twist his tongue over. There had been feelings, they had been intense. To go further than that was to know the limits of human memory, and that kind of situation was something that seemed to lie beyond recollection. In that, it was plainly something special... but how or why, Milphey still found himself unable to say. However, the emotion left over from a situation like that was still something to deal with; obviously Marron felt quite strongly on the fact that, whatever had happened, it had happened and it had happened with Milphey... that kind of strange petrification... Milphey felt a kind of nostalgia for recalled similar feeling.

 

However, what could happen after that? Marron seemed insistent on some kind of future for the both of them. Milphey was willing to grant that as far as Marron wished to go, but there was always the knowledge of newfound human feeling... to nurture experience could be something wonderful, but it was always something painful, too...

 

Not that Marron had to know that. If there were things that could make him happy... if there were things that he wanted, then Milphey wished to grant them, and grant them with a smile. The Sorcerer Hunters didn't have to know of his duty as a Haz Knight and even if they did, they didn't have to be aware of his immortal curse. Milphey was quite willing to live alongside those Sorcerer Hunters and only answer questions once they were raised. They were young, and at the moment, he seemed older, didn't he? He would only remain so. Likely they would notice as they grew, and he didn't. That wasn't going to happen until the future, though.

 

Milphey held Marron with a tight hug, "Hush, hush. You don't have to think about complicated things when you've just done something exhausting... just relax for now. There's nothing else we have to be doing, is there? Nobody's going to get angry if you spend a day in bed."

 

"... I suppose..."

 

"They might get angry if they knew who you were spending a day in bed with, but you don't have to worry about that, either. Nobody else has to know anything unless you tell them."

 

Marron's expression seemed to grow somewhat troubled, "Milphey, my brother-"

 

"Ah! Didn't I say that you don't have to think about complicated things? I wouldn't worry about that one. But for now, we don't have to worry about a~nything, do we...? Come on, now. We can leave things like that until later. If you frown too much, you'll get wrinkles. You don't want to spoil that pretty face of yours, do you?"

 

It was the kind of comment that could have earnt a smile or a slap depending on the mood of the recipient, but as it was, Marron couldn't seem to look at Milphey's honest smile and remain in a negative mood. He seemed to realise the advantage in relaxation, and his own expression softened. He wasn't the kind of person who liked to put things off until later, but... you couldn't argue with that entirely peaceful smile, either. It was alright because it was Milphey.

 

"... You're right. We... don't have to do anything, just for the time being."

 

"Exactly! I mean, you're happy, right?"

 

"... I feel contented somehow..."

 

"Then, stay feeling contented. Things don't have to be a problem unless you make them a problem, do they? Anyway... let's try to keep a contented feeling for as long as possible. Alright?"

 

"... Yes."

 

The answer was only one word, but Marron did truthfully sound contented, and Milphey himself was happy enough to accept that and snuggle up against Marron again. Nobody would want to disturb them or know what they were doing... maybe there'd be things they could do in the future, perhaps there would be problems that would have to be addressed in the future... but as long as there was life, there was hope. Milphey always liked to take that to think that he could somehow be eternally hopeful. And indeed, being able to remain there in Marron's lap... or was Marron on his lap? Either way, they were arranged somehow on each other's laps and it was a nice sunny afternoon with nothing to worry about...

 

The nature of the future meant that it would always remain so. If the future was always something upcoming and the past was something to look back on... Milphey wanted to keep that moment of content feeling in the present, then be able to treasure it as a fond memory.

 

Then be able to hope that similar things would happen in the future, always. To keep things as a living memory and to be able to keep the memory of Marron living, even in that future which hadn't happened yet...

 

Ah, but those were complicated thoughts. Milphey decided to follow some of his own advice, and closed his eyes in preparation for a little nap. The complicated things could be thought about later. The painful things could be ignored, just for now. For the time being he would nap, perhaps have a nice little dream that he probably wouldn't remember, then wake up to find himself still sprawled over Marron, who didn't seem to mind much at all.

 

Those things, Milphey thought to himself with a small smile, were the things he could so very easily get addicted to.

 

 

 

~fin~

25th February 2005