Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Crestfallen ❯ One-Shot

Crestfallen

by Neko NoSei

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Author's note: My first "Sorcerer Hunter's" fic! I've been hearing lots of songs perfect for songfics lately and am getting urges to write tons of the damned little things. I hope I don't get an over-population of them, but I'm particularly happy with this one. I hope you guys like it as much as I do. The song is "Crestfallen" by The Smashing Pumpkins.

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Who am I to need you when I'm down?

In the quiet of their hotel room, Gateau stared across the thin space between his bed and Marron's.

The magician had been asleep for hours, but Gateau Mocha was nowhere near the soothing, merciful arms of unconsciousness. He could only wish he were.

Gateau had never been very prone to depression, the closest he had ever gotten was when Opera died, and then it was more a sense of revenge and anger than mourning and loss.

And where are you when I need you around?

Marron stirred, his deep voice whispering a moan in the dark quiet of the room. What was he dreaming about?

Gateau rolled over, turning his back on the beauty draped in the parallel bed only a few feet away; he couldn't stand the peaceful visage. The blissful ignorance.

He wanted it. He wanted him. His fingers itched to touch him, his lips begged to kiss him. His heart ached to be nearer than life, God, it ached all the time for him.

Gateau laughed bitterly to himself. My heart... the weakest muscle in my body. And he was oblivious, blessedly oblivious.

Your life is not your own

Marron was more than human, they all were. The spirit of a god embodied in a youth, and in Marron it seemed strongest, it certainly showed in every word he spoke and every move he made. The wisdom of an eternal, the power of a god of war, and the heart of a guardian brother over the world. He was a Sorcerer Hunter, born and raised, and he would always be.

"Go to sleep, Gateau..." he uttered, his rich velvet voice weighed with slumber. He must have heard his tossing and shifting.

"Sorry... I guess I've got a case of insomnia." God, I sound like nothing is wrong, he thought.

"Want me to get you something?" His voice was so sincere, so willing to go get something warm and sleep-inducing for the man who held the spirit of the North god, even when he was so obviously tired.

"No, I'm finally starting to drift off."

"All right... Goodnight, Gateau."

"Goodnight..." My love.

And all I ask you

Is for another chance

Gateau woke up and stared at his ceiling, it was pale with a hue of cool gray from the winter sky outside his window. Another strange dream.

"Hey, Mocha! Get your ass out of bed!" Carrot wailed from the kitchen.

"Oh, *no*," he moaned and rolled over, pulling the sheet up over his head. "Who let him cook?"

Tira flung his door open and the crack of a whip sounded as Chocolat ran in and pulled his sheets off.

Gateau sat up like a shot in nothing but a pair of boxes. "And who let her get another whip?!"

The girls were laughing even as he shoved them out of his room and locked the door behind them. He grumbled as he hunted for his jeans and his favorite shirt. He growled and opened the door when he couldn't find it.

"Where's my Rammstein shirt?!" he yelled.

"Here you go, Gateau, it somehow ended up in my room," said Marron's silk voice and the shirt was placed in his hands.

Gateau felt very suddenly light-headed as the dream flooded full force back into his head like a tidal wave ramming into a dam. All those feelings, all that fantastical, poetic talk of gods and sorcerers. Especially the feelings.

"Um... thanks." And he slammed the door shut.

He pulled the shirt on then smacked his own face to wake himself up.

"Holy God, man, what's wrong with you? That's your best friend you're dreaming of like some kind of fag, snap out of it!"

And he did, or at least he did for little awhile.

Another way around you

He shot out the door before Carrot could yell at him again.

"Shut yer yap, Glace! I'm coming!"

The girls were giggling again, God only knew about what, and he honestly didn't want to know. They were sadistic and often cruel, as was proven by the fact they let Carrot cook this morning.

"Carrot...?" Marron asked, staring at his plate with a mildly concerned expression.

"Yah?" he called, his voice loud and obnoxious, as usual.

"Half my food looks like they've been in an incinerator too long," he picked up and dropped a piece of charcoal to accentuate his point. Gateau watched after sitting across from him and lifted an eyebrow. "And the other half of my food is still 'moo'ing."

"Really?!" came the excited yelp and Carrot flew out of the kitchen with a "Kiss the Cook" apron on.

He stopped with his head above Marron's plate, head tilted to the side with his ear closest to the food, eagerly awaiting such a noise.

"I was being facetious, Carrot. Really, you amaze me."

Carrot made a face at him and then crossed his arms, standing straight up and looking rather haughty.

"Don't get my hopes up like that, it's very mean."

"Darliiiiing? There are clouds of black smoke coming out of the oven--is that supposed to be happening?"

"My *MUFFINS*?!?!?!?!" he screeched and dived back into the kitchen, the black smoke rolling forth out of the swinging door.

To live by circumstance once again

Marron simply shook his head and proceeded to poke at the pieces of... stuff, on his plate. He stabbed one raw piece and held it up, wiggling it around a little.

"Does this remind you of a twisted butler by any chance?"

Gateau was instantly laughing, but he didn't know why. Why was that funny? He didn't know any butlers, never even met any, those only existed for very rich people in distant places, and raw jiggling meat certainly shouldn't remind him of one. But by God, he was still cracking up.

Marron looked rather confused himself as he let it drop back onto the plate, as though he had no idea where the comment had come from.

Carrot screamed and shot from the kitchen, Chocolat hot on his trail, arms out-stretched with grabby hands.

"But I *love* you, darling! Just come to my room? Pleeeeeeease?"

Tira pushed her glasses up her nose and shook her head, Marron just look embarrassed.

Something so normal... something so... old. Something comfortable that... had always been. Gateau sat back and smiled.

"I... am going to my room." Marron stood and shook his head as Carrot and Chocolat ran circles around the living room.

"Hey, I'll go with you, I can't eat this stuff either."

Marron nodded and headed off down the hall, Gateau only a moment behind.

"There's a concert coming into town to play at Embers, VnV Nation and Beborn Beton--want to go? I know that's your kind of music and all, and I kinda like VnV."

"Yeah, I'd like that, I haven't seen Beborn in awhile." He pushed into his room.

Marron's room, unlike Gateau's, was spotless, neat, always cool in temperature, always smelled sweet like fresh jasmine, and was very minimalist.

Instead of turning on lights, he lit a few candles and sat down on his mattress with a weathered looking old book titled "Paradisio" by Dante Alighieri, it's alter ego "Purgatorio" lay on the nightstand.

Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

Gateau shut the door behind him with a light click. What was he thinking? He couldn't keep these feelings inside... especially when the magician looked so god damned beautiful.

Magician? he thought, confused. Yes, the magician, the swordsman god, the sorcerer hunter. He remembered, though it was quite fuzzy, and he knew it wasn't imagination or simply dreams.

In his mind he saw Marron wrapped in white cloth, his frame unknown, his body unrecognized beneath for what it really was. Gateau had caught glimpses before, when Marron was comfortable enough to be without a shirt, he was finely molded, not chiseled, he was too smooth and flawlessly wrought to be chiseled. And he was so very pale, he always had been, a moonchild, an alabaster figure of beauty.

Gateau approached the slender male, lying so easily on his bed placed in the center of the room. The blonde circled around him, looking him over. Then from behind, his large hands touched Marron's sides, sliding over his torso until his arms encased his waist. His face nuzzled into his hair and breathed in deeply to take in all that was Marron.

Marron didn't resist or pull away, but Gateau also couldn't see his face, and Marron wouldn't speak. The book dropped.

Gateau's blue eyes slid shut, behind them his mind raced, screaming about stupidity, bracing for violent reactions and screaming only he, a bumbling fool, could bring out of the calm, peaceful being. But his mind also thanked him for that instant, that moment that he held Marron, no matter what it might bring.

And you may go but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories

Gateau suddenly let go and recoiled.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry... Sorry..." He was on his feet, pacing back and forth. "Sorry... Sorry..."

Marron took a deep breath.

"Sorry... God, I'm sorry..."

The magician rolled over onto his back and looked up at the pacing barbarian who was apologizing like a monk chanting.

"Sorry... so sorry..."

"Gateau."

"Sorry... I really am."

"Gateau."

The voice was slightly firmer, to get his attention, and he tried to stop, forcing his feet to stop moving as he looked at the male nymph laid out on the bed.

"It's okay."

"What?"

"It's okay, I didn't mind. It was harmless. You didn't hurt me, that's more than some men have tried. You should know, you've severely scarred and disabled a number of them."

Gateau reached around and scratched the back of his neck with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah, I have haven't I..."

Your life is not your own

"You're the only one who understands me, Gateau, the only one who pays attention beyond one facet. I am noticed for my looks, I am noticed for my intelligence, my voice, my beliefs. But never at once. Only you do that. You and I are very alike."

We're Sorcerer Hunters, Gateau thought, comrades in godhood, I suppose we are alike.

"So if anyone is to be more deserving of me it's you, so I don't mind your moment of giving in."

"Um... Marron... Do you know how gay you sound right now?"

Marron laughed, looking up at the ceiling, a satin sound, crisp and cool, and it caressed you, making you want it's touch again. It was a rare thing to hear him laugh.

Who am I to need you now
To ask you why to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

He still wanted him. What was wrong with him? He had never had Marron before... he knew this. Things were becoming clear to him. Another life was being remembered.

He had always loved Marron, this was for sure. Maybe even the god inside him loved the god inside Marron. But that didn't make this right.

"Come here, Gateau..."

Gateau snapped from his reverie at the sound of his name.

"Wh-what?"

"Don't act like a shy schoolgirl, Mr. Coffee Cake, I said come here."

Gateau did what he was told, sitting down on the edge of the white-covered mattress.

"Why...?"

Marron hushed him with a long finger placed over his lips, his dark eyes smouldering as he watched him.

"You would never hurt me."

"No... Never."

Marron's lips drew into a wistful smile.

"You love me..."

"God, yes..."

His long, serene fingers wrapped around Gateau's wrists and pulled him onto the bed to lay beside him. His smooth hands trailing up Gateau's warm skin, as though being golden in tone generated the heat just as Marron's paleness made him cool.

"Hold me... Wrap your arms around me and get your fill. I don't want you unhappy because you can't have something so easily given. I understand the need for touch as anyone..."

I don't deserve you, Gateau thought.

Who am I to you?

But Gateau couldn't resist, and he embraced the smaller man again.

His heart pounded in a driving rhythm that he felt would probably deafen the magician, but he couldn't seem to hear it, or at least he didn't give notice to it. He was pressed against Gateau's broad chest, eyes closed, with the visage of an ice angel fast asleep. And Gateau was the stone guardian keeping him safe.

Along the way I lost my faith

Gateau couldn't stop the flood of memories that flashed beneath his eyelids, he was so content just holding Marron that he had closed his eyes to savor it, even to drift in that comfort forged by it.

He saw a horrifying battle with a man who he could only see as his enemy. The opponent's face blurred by pain and anguish. Death. That was all he knew for sure. Fear, pain, horror, sadness, such infinite sadness and loss, and hatred. Hatred for this being who brought it all on them. Then final death, death for him as well as those around him.

He had lost them all... He had lost Marron. All they had worked for--gone.

And as you were you'll be again

But they were alive. Maybe not in that life, but they were the same, their spirits moved on. Found another place to survive. They had found each other.

Gateau was remembering, soon the others would too. Marron would remember. He would be who he was, who he is, all at once, like Gateau was now. Things would be very much like they ever were, they would be Sorcerer Hunters once again and their fate would come to pass.

To mold like clay to break like dirt

Marron's magick and power would return full-force and he would fall further into a state of inner peace and become a man of even fewer words. He would meet more people and change them with his beauty and his words of wisdom. He would destroy any who threaten his brother with a rage unmatched to this very day as though he'd never been calm.

To tear me up in your sympathy

And Gateau would never again have this chance to hold him so close, so dear to him. He would revert back to the way he was before and Gateau would have lost his chance again. Because...

Because...

You were never meant to belong to me

Gateau risked much in a simple moment. The future was uncertain and yet set and he knew this was the last time this could come so easily.

He nuzzled into Marron's midnight hair, breathing in again, memorizing his enchanting scent.

"I love you..." he breathed even as his mind echoed back.

You were never meant to belong to me

Marron, in his drifting, comfortable doze, smiled.

Who am I...?

~owari~