Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Disillusion ❯ Admission ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Sorcerer Hunters, but that hasn't stopped me from writing about them.

Warning: This story contains the themes of incest, maybe some violence, sex (a bit graphic in scenes), and male/male relationships. If any of these may offend you then stop reading. If, however, you do read this, in spite of my warnings, and find it offensive then I have to say it is your own fault. Some scenes are of an erotic nature, but I have attempted to write them as tastefully as my ability allows.

So, anyway, please review and no flames. (Deus, if you read this part as well, I will most definitely kill you!)

Much Love,

S-girl

Disillusion

I knew my beloved brother had regained some measure of his former health when our mother and father ceased to argue late at night. Yet, every time I closed my eyes I would see the wraith-like creature masquerading in the flesh of my older brother. I refused to believe that that had been him. I felt someone had played a cruel joke on me. That wasn't my brother.

After a week of quiet nights, at least for our parents for my nightmares became regular visitors to my dreaming mind, they allowed me to see him. I found him sitting listless against a mound, or rather a mountain of freshly laundered pillows. The room smelt of death's lingering kiss, a sort of musty, sweet-rank smell that told you that next time you wouldn't be so lucky. You wouldn't escape. My brother's cheeks were sunken and his flesh hung like tea-stained paper from his bony frame. For a second I thought he was a yellow skeleton turning the pages of a book with indifference.

"Brother?" I queried tentatively. I wasn't certain that he was indeed my brother.

He turned his head towards me with a sort of mildly focused attention. Upon seeing me a weary smile crossed his face. He looked old in a way that only those recently ill could.

"Marron, I'm glad they've finally let you see me," he rasped with a voice that seemed to have lain dormant for an unimaginable period time. I crossed the room and stopped at the edge of the bed, my chin barely clearing the mattress. He reached out a lethargic hand and gently ruffled my hair. "How are you?"

"I'm doing fine, brother." It was him. He was my beloved brother. The hideous monstrosity of my earlier encounter proved to be a transient intruder. "I'm fine."

* * *

Carrot Glace picked up a pebble and put it down a top another. He picked up another and placed it on the second, but it fell off so he settled it down next to the first. He repeated the process several more times until a small pile formed in front of him. Then he plucked one up and tossed it into the pond in front of him. It struck the water with a mildly satisfying plunk and then promptly sank. Only the rippling water marked its passing, but then a teasing zephyr ruffled the pond's surface and all traces of the pebble vanished. He picked up another stone and skipped it across. He repeated this until the pile was gone. He didn't feel completed at all.

"I like girls," he muttered obstinately for the millionth time. Then he mentally wondered what he and Mille had done, which was a vast improvement over his wondering what Mille had done to him. Now he acknowledged complicity with the occurrence in the hall, instead of being the passive recipient.

He tried to reason the incident away with something he considered to be logic. First all he liked girls (no more debate was needed over that in his mind). Mille Feuille acted and looked like a girl, most of time-So far so good. If it walked like a duck, talked like a duck, it might be an albino goat in disguise, but until it acted that way a person was safe calling it a duck.

"That's right! Alright!" He jumped up with an excited shout. Now he didn't have to worry about it anymore. All he had to do was avoid the Haz Knight, easier said than done, and he was home free.

"Carrot!" The boy issued a startled yelp and spun around to find an irate, titian-haired girl standing there.

"Tira," he squeaked. "What are you doing here?" Sun glinted dangerously of her tinted glasses.

"What have you done now?" she demanded bringing out her much-used mall from the folds of her voluminous red cloak. The boy blanched and backpedaled frantically, waving his hands in denial.

"Nothing." Her suspicious frown deepened and her hands turned white as she gripped the handle of the mallet harder. She knows, he thought wildly. Did she see us? This thought led him to take two more steps back and into the placidly waiting pond.

Tira Misu emitted a sound of surprise, as the water closed about a wildly flailing Carrot. A few seconds later he broke the surface coughing violently.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He looked down and grimaced with annoyance. Then he sneezed. "I'm just a little wet and cold."

"I'm sorry, Carrot," Tira apologized in a small voice. He immediately recognized her tone of voice from when they had been children. Then she would have burst into worried tears, but now she rarely cried. In fact he honestly couldn't remember a time she had cried since becoming a Sorcerer Hunter. Despite this he hastily assured her that he was perfectly fine and he had planned on taking a bath soon anyway.

"If you're sure..."

"I just need to change," he reassured her again. By that time he had left the pond and was emptying his boots of water. She nodded with relief and then waved good-bye to him as he went back inside.

As soon as the archway leading to the garden faded from sight, he heaved a relieved sigh. He had been a complete idiot to think that Tira had suspected anything, and a bigger one for falling into the pond. She probably thought he had been plotting how to seduce Dotta or something similar in nature. There was no possible way that she would even be capable of conceiving of what he and Mille had done.

Heat exploded in his cheeks with such violence that he felt light-headed. He smacked himself several times.

"I'm not blushing, dammit. I'm not." He ground out a frustrated groan and told himself to stop thinking about it, which only served to make him think on it more.

Alternating between imprecating and striking himself, he finally reached his room. He flung the door open with an especially virulent curse.

He blinked in surprise.

"Marron?"

The younger boy had risen from his sitting position at the table near a pair of large windows, but, upon seeing his older brother's sodden condition, he sat back down.

"What happened, brother?" he finally inquired after staring at Carrot in shock.

"I fell into the pond," the older boy replied with a small shrug of embarrassment as he tossed his dripping boots on the floor. A slight smile tugged the corners of the younger boy's mouth. Soon both brothers found themselves laughing without reserve.

"I suppose you should change before you catch cold," Marron gasped as they wound down. Carrot brushed away a few mirthful tears and agreed.

"Was there something you wanted to talk about?" he asked as he yanked his tunic up over his head. He heard his brother violently push his chair out. Curious, Carrot lowered his arms and cast a puzzled look at his decidedly uncomfortable looking younger brother. "Marron?"

"It's nothing important. I will talk with you later." The younger boy stood up abruptly, avoiding his brother's questioning gaze.

"Come on, Marron, you wouldn't have been waiting here if it was nothing. Now sit and tell me what's on your mind." Carrot gave a small grunt a satisfaction when the younger boy obeyed the sit command. However, he seemed reluctant to unburden his mind. Knowing his brother would speak when ready, Carrot pulled off his damp tunic and carelessly tossed it aside.

"I..." His brother's soft voice barely reached his ears. "I..." Carrot noticed a slight flush on the younger boy's cheek. He frowned worriedly. Had his brother caught a cold?

"Are you feeling okay?" Carrot asked coming over to feel the younger boy's forehead. The boy went rigid at his touch and stared fixedly at a spot on the wall. Feeling a little hurt the elder boy took back his hand and cocked his head to one side.

"Yes...I'm not sick."

"Did something happen?"

"No...Not really." Carrot puzzled over this reply. What did Marron mean by 'not really'?

"Did someone do something to you? Did someone hurt you?" Carrot demanded with a surge of protective fury from their childhood. He momentarily forgot that Marron hadn't needed help in dealing with bullies since he gained his magical ability. "I'll bust his-or her-teeth in." Marron smiled softly and shook his head. Carrot sighed in relief. So no one had hurt his little brother.

"It's not that at all, brother."

"So you're not sick, nothing happened, or at least 'not really', and no one's hurt you...I don't know what else can be the matter. You've stumped me, little brother." He ruffled the younger boy's long hair affectionately and smiled kindly at him when he didn't flinch away.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time. I won't bother you any further." Gracefully the younger and taller boy stood and moved past his bemused brother.

"Remember, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you."

"I know that, brother. Thank you."

Carrot heaved a sigh as the door closed behind his brother. Sometimes he wondered what was going on in that deep brain of his. Obviously something had been bothering Marron, but, for the life of him, Carrot couldn't figure it out what without a spotlight interrogation.

"He'll tell me when he wants to," he murmured undoing his belt.

"Carrot, dear!" The boy shrieked and jumped backward, a cheerful, purple-haired Haz Knight clinging to his neck.

"Where did you crawl from, Mille?" he cried, arms wind milling wildly for balance.

"I've been waiting for you. I would have met you at the door, lover."-Carrot started sputtering at the Knight's little name of endearment-"But your brother arrived five minutes before and I didn't want him to alert you. So now will you answer my question from before."

"What question?"

"Do you have any objection of a repeat?" Mille Feuille brought his face close the struggling boy, a soft smile on his face. Carrot froze, eyes wide and panicked. Gravity chose that moment to reassert its dominance and the two crashed roughly into the table. It held their combined weight for a moment and then, with a deafening crack, it shattered and both went down. Carrot found himself pinned down among the wooden wreckage with the Knight straddling him, the warmth of the Knight's body heating his water-chilled body.

"Are you okay?" the purple-haired man asked with concern.

"Yeah." Carrot experimentally tried to wriggle free, but the man's weight and position prevented success.

"Good. Then what's your answer?"

"My answer?" The man leaned down and nipped the boy's lips playfully.

"Don't be coy, Carrot, it doesn't suit you."

The boy squeezed his eyes close and began to mentally chant that he only liked girls. The encounter the other day didn't prove anything. His...reaction had been a freak accident. He couldn't possibly enjoy a...repeat.

He had to ignore the strange ache pulsing through his blood or he would lose something irreplaceable. If he yielded to the slow-burn desire, then how would he define himself? Would he still be the messenger of love? Would he still be Carrot Glace, crazed womanizer? He had lived with that identity for so long, longer than memory, that he had never tried to be anything else. Who would he be? Panic ripped into him. He had never doubted his own identity before. It has always just been there like a reassuring hand, but now he found himself hurtling through an unknown moment without a point of reference or anything to hold on to. What would he be in the end? Soon he would have to make a choice, he knew that, but he didn't know what the choices were or what would happen. Nothing made sense anymore.

A peculiar warmth trickled past his temple and into his scalp.

"Carrot? What's wrong?" Mille's gentle voice reached his ears as the first soft sob escaped his lips. The boy could make no reply around the hopeless noises emerging from his traitorous throat, not that he could have articulated his confused thoughts anyway.

"I...I don't know. I..."

The Knight shushed him and moved off in order to gather him into a comforting embrace. He stroked the boy's dark hair and carefully sipped the bitter tears leaking from his eyes. After a few minutes the boy quieted and opened slightly puffy eyes. Mille placed a silencing hand over his mouth before he could say anything.

"You don't have to speak. You can pretend whatever afterward, but for now just feel." Carrot, grateful that Mille wasn't pushing him into an awkward admission, acquiesced by relaxing into the man's arms. He didn't have to decide anything, yet.

The purple-haired man smiled tenderly and caressed the boy's tear-damp face. Carrot shivered, acutely aware of his position in the man's lap, and closed his brown eyes again. The Knight tilted his head up with and lightly brushed a thumb across his still mouth. The boy issued a small gasp as the man delicately bit his lower lip and stretched the caught flesh out. Then he released it and swirled a warm tongue over the delicious hurts. Carrot whimpered softly and shifted restlessly, one hand gripping the Knight's shoulder the other ripping into the carpeted floor.

Mille expertly thrust his tongue into the boy's unresisting mouth and slipped one adroit hand past the loose waistband of his pants. Carrot reared upward in surprise at the first touch, eyes snapping open in burgeoning panic. The Haz Knight distracted him with another heated kiss.

Carrot couldn't think around the warm hand encircling his member with calculated firmness. Then the hand began to move in time to his erratic heartbeat and the world became shattered fragments sensation. He strained against the solid arm against his back, as if he could flee the aching pleasure ridding his body. He almost felt nauseous from the intensity. Moaning loudly, he tried to escape the agonizing tension that bowed his spine and sent jagged stars of light into his reeling mind.

Thrashing madly, restrained by Mille's unmoving arm, he arched back and let loose howl of pained ecstasy into the Knight's mouth. He caught a glimpse of the man's dark grin before everything faded into a weightless oblivion.

"Carrot." Pain flared up in his cheek. Carrot snapped awake with such speed that he nearly blacked out again.

"What? Hey, did you slap me?" he demanded as he touched his stinging cheek. The boy found himself neatly arranged on the floor with a concerned Knight crouching beside him, one hand raised for another light smack.

"I thought I'd accidentally killed you," Mille told him with a small smile of relief. He lowered his hand and offered it to Carrot. The boy accepted and sat up.

"You slapped me."

"I had to make sure you were alive."

"You slapped me."

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" The boy flushed darkly, remembered what had caused him to pass out in the first place, and turned a particularly brilliant shade of carmine. He had let it happen again. Was he still the same person now? Was he still Carrot Glace, messenger of love? Did he still like girls? He frowned and carefully examined himself. Somehow the answers eluded him and he was left with a sort of anxious confusion.

"I'm still me, aren't I?" He turned worried eyes to the patiently waiting Knight. The man reached out and brushed back a few locks of sweat dampened hair.

"If you weren't, I wouldn't be attracted to you." The boy grimaced and rolled his eyes, all worry slipping away. He would think about everything latter. Maybe then he'd understand whatever it was that bothered him. Maybe then he would know why he hadn't put up more of a fight.

"You're attracted to anything with two legs." The man flicked his nose and chuckled innocently.

"Jealous?"

"What? No!"

"Yes, you are!" Mille giggled and tackled a sputtering Carrot.

"Stop it! Thanks to you I need to take a bath now." The man purred in agreement, running a finger down the boy's chest until the boy grabbed his hand to stop it.

"Want company?"

Carrot blanched, then blushed darker than ever. "No!"

"Maybe once I've opened up your mind a little more..." He leaned closer with a beatific smile on his face. Carrot squeaked a half-hearted protest and tried to wriggle away. "We can't have you all dirty, now can we?"

"Alone. I'm taking it alone," the boy declared, finally managing to free himself. "I...I need to think."

"Maybe another time," the Knight replied, unperturbed. The boy made no reply.

* * *

"Mille Feuille." The purple-haired Haz Knight paused at the sound of my voice. He pivoted on one heel and turned to face me with his usual cheerful smile. He didn't seem any different than normal, despite having had my older brother moaning helplessly the other day. How could he manage that? How dare he? Didn't it evidence any reaction in him at all?

"Hello there, Marron. What's on your mind?" How could I tell him that I had seen him and my brother? There really was no tactful way to go about it. I would just have to settle with being blunt. Sometimes discretion failed to meet the occasion and now was such a time.

"I saw you and my brother the other day." A fleeting look of surprise, and even a touch of embarrassment, passed over his face and took away his smile. So he wasn't as unaffected as he appeared. Good. All I could think about was what I had seen. It consumed my thoughts with merciless heat. If it had been me there instead...

I could still see my brother's face so clearly as his ultimate pleasure played across it. A small stab of satisfaction entered my gut for I knew Mille Feuille had not seen it. I possessed something of my brother that he didn't. It was petty of me, but I didn't care.

"I see," he replied softly and with utter seriousness. "What do you want me to say?"

What did I want him to say? He was the one who had usurped my rightful place with my brother. I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him to leave my brother alone. That I should have been the one to...But in reality such a thing was impossible. The blood that bound us together also kept us apart.

I could tell my brother anything, anything but the truth of my desires. His rejection would shatter me. It would break apart everything I held dear. I would loose him and I couldn't bear that. Yet I wouldn't change us being brothers, even if it meant that I could have him.

"I don't want to see him hurt by you or anyone else."

"Are you asking if I'll be faithful?"

"I suppose." The man grinned suddenly and strode closer.

"You are a very considerate brother. His heart'll be broken someday, if it hasn't been already." He searched my face, nodding slightly, and I felt as though I had missed something. He almost seemed to be telling me two things at once, carrying on two separate conversations.

"But will you break it now?" I heard myself ask even as I attempted to make coherent logic out of his remark. Surely he couldn't guess...

"I will be as faithful as he is." I wanted to scream in frustration. I wanted to demand of him why my longings, my desires would never find satiation.

Jealousy ate at my heart every time Carrot raced off in the pursuit of some girl, and I feared that someday one of them would return his affection. Or perhaps he would fall for one of the Misu sisters who were only too eager for his love. Yet, that didn't stop me from wanting to...to tell him that he didn't have to look any further. I would make him happier than any woman could, complete him like no one else could.

"Marron?" I blinked in surprise, having forgotten Mille while under the influence of my own self-indulgent despair. I found the Knight regarding me with a peculiar look, or at least one that I had never observed, on his face.

"That is a rather doubtful answer, considering my brother," I hastily responded to his previous answer. Why did he keep staring at me like I was some lab animal that had done something unusual?

"And if you were in my position? You would be completely, devotedly faithful." I went rigid. I knew what society thought of such incestuous desires and, no matter how open minded the Haz Knight appeared to be, he was a member of society.

"What are you insinuating?" The infuriating man grinned innocently, but his golden eyes spoke volumes. "Would you like a confession?" I demanded with cold anger. I had spent an entire lifetime restraining my emotions and yet anything to do with my brother always managed to break them free.

"Not a confession, merely an admission," he replied with such gentleness, as if I was some unruly child that he wanted to calm down. "You aren't merely worried about your brother's heart, Marron. You are jealous. Now, I'm not so egocentric as to think it's over me. So the only other person would be..."

"My brother." He nodded briefly and then laughed softly. "Well?"

"Are you waiting for my judgment? For me to condemn you?"

"And what else would you do? Carrot is my brother and I want him as a lover would, as you do." There, I had finally admitted it, said it aloud and in front Momma's Haz Knight no less.

"So why haven't you pursued him? If you desire him so much." I gaped at him and I never gape.

"Haven't you been listening? He's my brother." What was he trying to accomplish? Was this some sort of trick? No, Mille was not cruel, intentionally.

"If you love someone like that, then you have to go after them. Look at Chocolate, and even Tira in her own way." He gave me a coquettish wink. "And me."

"You love my brother? But I thought you wanted to sleep with everyone?"

"I'm not a whore, Marron," he told me with an indignant sniff. "I'm just more liberal in my thinking. Sure I wouldn't mind sleeping with them, and you, but in a serious relationship I would be monogamous."

"Where does that leave my brother?" Where did that leave me?

The man shrugged with a little sigh. "It all depends on him. If he's mature enough for one...Then, of course, there's you." I once again found myself the focus of our unnatural conversation.

"Me?"

"I thought you wanted Carrot."

"And, as I mentioned before, he's my brother. It would be incest." I spat out the last word. That word and all that it entailed were the cause of my misery, my damnation. Mille nodded with understanding, serious once again.

"Doesn't love conquer all?" I had thought he was serious. Love conquering all was something children and romantics believed in. Sorcerer Hunters couldn't afford to be children or romantic, unless your name was Chocolate Misu, but she was a woman unto herself.

"Not blood, not genetics."

"And what of them? Incest is merely the procreation of the same, and, unless there's something I don't know about you two, I don't think children are going to be an issue."

"What?" I choked out. Children? My brother? What was Mille talking about? Were we even holding the same conversation in our heads? I was feeling so confused that I forgot to be mad at him. His logic proved to be a maze that I couldn't navigate unassisted.

"Incest is considered perverted because of the offspring it would create if allowed. I mean, people would start to get suspicious if three armed kids were running around."

"I think you've lost me," I admitted with a bemused shake of my head.

"You two aren't trying to have children, so there's no problem. However..." He smiled, but it wasn't his usual smile. This one was almost predatory, feral. "You and I would be rivals." Rivals...Yes, we would and, if so, I had no intention of losing. "Unless you'd be willing to share." I choked again.

"What?"

"Carrot's worth it. If you're up to it." He giggled and walked away while I attempted to articulate the incoherence of my mind.

So I had come to terms with my desire for my brother and I begrudged that to Mille. However, now I found myself in opposition to the Haz Knight over my brother's affections. Unless I was willing to share...?

* * *

Carrot sneezed.

* * *

From Sarryn:

So I mentioned the fact that I considered myself 'emotionally invested' in Mille, Marron and Carrot. Now what do I mean? It's simple, at least to me. First of all, I have an attachment to Carrot that I normal reserve for female characters of anime shows. As in, I care who he's with and believe he can pretty much be with anyone. Also I'd rather read fics that center around him and with the other guys of the show (If Carrot wasn't a guy then I probably wouldn't be interested in yaoi now). Now Mille and Marron take the roles that I ascribe to possible love interests for the 'girl' (Carrot this time). So for me they can be in a relationship with no one else, but with my favored 'girl' (I'm not implying Carrot's a girl, but I usually only sympathize with the females in shows).

Now for the questions people asked. The first one has to do with what Mille did to Carrot in the first chapter. Since there's no discrete way to put it, Mille went down on Carrot. The other question about Marron confronting Mille has been answered by the fic itself. I think. I hope. As to the threesome (can't spell the French way for the life of me), I haven't decided yet. It all depends on how the characters evolve.

Now for a pseudo-rant about incest: as I have mentioned before, I don't approve of it in real life. Just because I write about it doesn't mean I believe that brothers and sisters should have sexual relations. However, I don't really care if relatives in anime and manga have sex. This is because it isn't real life, which opens a whole new can of worms.

If anyone believes anime and manga characters are real people, then I'm sorry for offending you. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion and yours is just as valid as mine.

In addition I think I'll be doing a rewrite (not sure yet how major) of the whole Carrot and Mille interaction above. I might not, but if I do I'll let you know.

Now please REVIEW!!

Next Chapter:

The Sorcerer Hunters are sent out on another mission and Marron tells his brother the truth.

From Sarryn:

I'll be answering more questions and probably think up of some more pseudo-rants to regal you all with. It's good stuff.