Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Perpetual Thoughts ❯ A Little More Is Not Enough ( Chapter 20 )

Milphey had figured his plans for the afternoon to be fairly straightforward. Kahlua had restored Marron's mental state back to whatever passed as normal for the time being, but had recommended that he rest for a while, let his mind readjust to things naturally. Basically, he'd probably sleep for an hour or so and remain sleepy for the rest of the day, but that wasn't anything to be concerned about. So Milphey had been quite jubilant as he'd carried Marron back from the pyramid; he'd set Marron up in one of the bedrooms, get a nice hot bath running, plenty of bath oils and maybe some candles and all those relaxing things... and while on the thoughts of relaxing... there were always things like massages and the like, were there not? An afternoon of Marron-flavoured luxury, that seemed like a nice thing to partake in.

 

Then, as Milphey had returned through the corridor that led to the main hall, he'd walked in on Big Mama and the rest of the Sorcerer Hunters. It seemed as if she was ready to send them off on another mission; Milphey had inwardly kicked himself for not having a better sense of timing. Out of all the ways for the others to presume something wrong with Marron, he wouldn't have picked them seeing him unconscious and being carried to a bedroom as a way to go about it. Big Mama was as seemingly unconcerned as she usually was (though it was more likely that Kahlua had told her of what he had planned for the morning, though she obviously hadn't told Carrot and the others from their reaction on seeing Marron), so Milphey had tried to just smile and walk through the background, but Carrot had stopped him and asked just what was wrong with Marron, though not worded quite so eloquently. This had ended up with Carrot loudly protesting his inclusion on the current mission, arguing that he should be there for Marron in his time of need. Surprisingly, Big Mama had smiled and decreed that Tira, Chocolat and Gateau could likely handle the mission themselves. They were sent off, and Carrot remained with Marron and Milphey.

 

Currently they walked along the corridor that led to the bedrooms; ideally Milphey hadn't wanted Carrot to know about the situation (and therefore hadn't planned to take Marron back to his own bedroom, that was too risky), but that had ended up being unavoidable.

 

The silence between the two of them was quite tense. Milphey felt aware of their footsteps along the smooth corridor... he stared straight ahead, sensing that Carrot wasn't pleased with him. He couldn't help but think it a little strange that Big Mama had allowed Carrot time off a mission so readily, but even more so than that he'd been surprised that Carrot would opt out of a mission (where there would likely be pretty ladies) in favour of staying by his brother's side... it seemed a little amusing, to Milphey's mind.

 

"... Heh."

 

Carrot looked up sharply, "What's so funny?"

 

Realising he'd uttered without even realising, Milphey shook his head.

 

"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering... perhaps you couldn't be bothered for a mission today, hm?"

 

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

 

"Just seems strange that you'd skip a mission where, perhaps, there may be an opportunity to see some of the Continent's pretty and accessible ladies... maybe you didn't get a lot of sleep last night?"

 

Casting a sidewards glance over at Carrot, it did seem that perhaps that had been too flippant a view to take on things; Carrot really did, for whatever reason, seem quite angry. He had his arms tightly folded, but the way he carried himself... if it hadn't been for the fact that he was carrying Marron at the time, Milphey was almost sure that Carrot wanted to hit him, or at least that he wanted to lash out at something...

 

"Maybe I didn't want to leave Marron alone with someone like you!"

 

So it was something personal? If Carrot had some kind of problem with he himself, then Milphey didn't see the point of hedging his words.

 

"And what's that supposed to mean...?"

 

"Take a wild guess! Big Mama says we got a mission all of a sudden, nobody's seen Marron anywhere 'cept for Tira who said she last saw him go off with you but that was back early this morning... then when you do turn up, Marron's freakin' unconscious! Isn't that just gonna be a bit suspicious for anybody to see?!"

 

Milphey sighed, supposing that that probably could be seen as being somehow incriminating. Of course, Carrot had no idea of the situation behind what he'd seen... Milphey really was annoyed at himself for having walked out so obviously. No doubt Marron would be getting some unwanted attention from most of the group for the next little while, unless Milphey himself could quickly get around and ask everybody not to say anything... no, but they were on a mission, and besides, telling everybody not to mention what they'd seen... didn't it make it more suspicious? It seemed that the only way to deal with things would be to tell Marron what had happened once he woke up. That likely wouldn't please him.

 

"Alright, yes, I admit that that could seem a little bit weird. But please, let's not argue when Marron-chan could wake up any second, okay? Let's at least put him to bed first."

 

They reached the bedroom door; Carrot opened it and allowed Milphey to take Marron inside, then ran ahead to pull back Marron's bedcovers for him.

 

"I'd at least feel better if I knew why we had to put him to bed in the first place..."

 

Walking over to the bed and gently dropping Marron down onto it, Milphey quickly went over his options. Obviously Carrot required some kind of explanation, and he required one somewhat immediately. On the other hand, Marron would probably wake up soon... he'd also have to know of what happened. Quickly thinking over just what he could tell Carrot, Milphey also knew that he wouldn't want Marron waking up to find an argument taking place around him. Carrot was perhaps just slightly more a priority than Marron at the moment; Marron at least had time before he woke up, but Carrot didn't look like he wanted to wait. Pulling the sheets back over Marron's sleeping form, Milphey stood up straight.

 

"Alright, alright. Marron-chan'll be asleep for a while longer, so why don't we take this to somewhere where we won't risk disturbing him?"

 

"Whatever."

 

Carrot was already on his way to the door, slouching as he went. Milphey glanced from where he'd been watching Carrot's exit down to where Marron lay. Would it be alright to leave him? Well, there wasn't really anything that would happen to him, just that he'd wake up and realise that nobody was there; hopefully he'd either look around until he found somebody (and Milphey didn't intend on going too far from the bedroom) or wait until somebody (probably Carrot, knowing Marron) turned up. Sighing, Milphey followed Carrot out of the door; he closed it quietly behind him, noticing that Carrot hadn't gone too far. Currently he stood with his back to Milphey, arms folded against the windowsill of the window opposite the bedroom door. There wasn't anything immediately fascinating out of the window, not from where Milphey stood... perhaps Carrot was purposefully feigning ignorance?

 

"So are we going to go...?"

 

"We don't need to go anywhere, nobody's around to listen, right?"

 

"Well, no, but... alright. What is it?"

 

Carrot's accusing stare was the only answer to that question.

 

"... Carrot, what exactly is it you think I've done to that brother of yours?"

 

"That's what I want you to tell me! You're always hangin' around him and stuff... you never even said anything after that... that... that thing, then me 'n Gateau saw you guys in bed but Gateau hasn't said anything about that for a while though I haven't really spoken to him in a while so I guess maybe he got over whatever it was that was up with him, but, that is, Marron never says anything! It's not like he's ever all 'oh Milphey' or anything, he's just always quiet and not saying stuff but then again he doesn't tell you to go away either, and that was Gateau's problem I think, but the point is, there's some reason why you were carrying Marron back from the basements and what the hell were you doing with him or to him in the basements in the first place!? I mean... yeah it's probably private, but it's gonna be a bit cold... if you're going to do anything dodgy to him at least do it somewhere where it's warm, okay!?"

 

Milphey blinked, leaving a moment to ensure Carrot's silence.

 

"Carrot-chan... dearest. From the speed of your argument, you could be getting angry at me for any reason from spending time with your brother to having sex with him without putting the fire on! Take a deep breath, look at me, calm down a little... there... okay? Now. Start again from the beginning."

 

"You've had sex with him!?"

 

That wasn't Carrot calming down. He sounded somewhat incredulous, as if he'd only just come to that conclusion; perhaps that wasn't something that could morally be denied, but as far as things went, Milphey wasn't going to be shouting that one from the rooftops anytime soon. He kept his gaze even and folded his arms, "What makes you say that?"

 

"Just now, you said about sex without a fire or whatever! So that was what you were doing down in the basement!? You don't even know what's down there! What if a rat bit him?"

 

"I was merely pointing out the incoherence of what it was you were saying...! I can promise you, hand on heart, I didn't take Marron-chan down to the basements to screw him unconscious. Besides, down there I think you're more likely to step on a cat than any kind of rodent..."

 

"Then why were you down there with him?!"

 

Milphey sighed, moving to stand next to Carrot, leaning on the windowsill himself. He could feel Carrot staring intently at him, but he relished the silence, just for a moment. Focused on the grounds outside. The trees really were starting to lose their leaves... and it did seem somehow tricky. Marron probably wouldn't want anybody knowing about what just happened, but admittedly, Carrot did have some right to know if things were happening to his little brother...

 

If the situation was reversed and it was something happening to Carrot, Milphey knew that Marron would make it his business to know what was happening to Carrot.

 

On thinking about a point like that, Milphey couldn't prevent a sudden jealous flare of 'This is because of YOU, Carrot' in his mind. He regretted it the second he turned his head to stare back at Carrot - he was righteously angry and moreover he was concerned. From his point of view, this suspicious crossdresser was obviously making some kind of unwanted move on the precious little brother, it had to be sorted out!

 

Milphey smiled gently and ruffled Carrot's hair, "It's been a while since we've last seen each other, hasn't it?"

 

Ducking Milphey's hand, Carrot didn't lighten in mood any.

 

"That's 'cause you're always sittin' around with Marron! Don't dodge the subject!"

 

"Alright, alright. If you must know, we weren't in the basements. True, we did go down to the basement area, but there are many more things down there than just rooms and corridors. We went somewhere a little more private and secret than that."

 

"I don't really care where you went, I just wanna know why!"

 

"Because Marron's presence was requested by one of the Haz Knights, alright?"

 

That certainly stopped Carrot in his tracks. Milphey felt fortunate at that moment that, as far as he knew, the Sorcerer Hunters were unaware of his own identity as such. Marron himself had been talking about that strange kind of trust one would afford to somebody in such an honoured position; just mentioning the Haz Knights brought a kind of dignity to the conversation, to the situation in Carrot's mind. That probably wouldn't have happened had he known the one he was suspicious of was also a Haz Knight. Not that Milphey ever purposefully thought about hiding such a thing in the beginning, but by this point, the difference in perception was quite interesting.

 

"... One of the... Haz Knights?"

 

"Kahlua, yes."

 

"... Why would... one of the Haz Knights want to see... him...?"

 

"That's... something that's a little more difficult to explain..."

 

Annoyingly enough, Carrot seemed to accept this without question.

 

"Well, if it's a Haz Knight... I guess it had to have been something important... I wonder what happened? Hmn..."

 

It almost seemed like Carrot had lapsed into a conversation with himself, trying to argue his own reasoning against the workings of his own mind. Milphey watched with a vague kind of amusement, "You don't question it if it's a Haz Knight?"

 

For a second, Carrot looked up at Milphey as if he'd forgotten him standing there.

 

"Uh? Oh... well... I mean... a Haz Knight, a Haz Knight isn't going to do anything to someone that's gonna be risky, or anything. I mean... no, I mean... more like... if they did, it'd at least be for a real good reason, you know?"

 

"And if I was a Haz Knight?"

 

Try the question with the other brother... Carrot's explosive reaction jabbed at Milphey's pride, somewhat.

 

"... Knn... nnh... BA HA HA HA HA HA HAAH"

 

"Hey, hey! What's so funny?! You'll wake Marron-chan up with a laugh like that!"

 

"HAHAHH... hah... ahahah, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to... to laugh so loud... but I mean, no offence or anything but come on, you're so totally not a Haz Knight type!"

 

Milphey folded his arms, "And what's this Haz Knight 'type', then?"

 

"Well, I dunno... I mean, you're a pervert, that's one thing... but then again that father of mine is also some kinda Haz Knight, isn't he? I remember he said to me once that Big Mama's main Haz Knights were immortal or something but he was at least powerful enough so he was kinda a honorary one, or something. And besides, he went psycho after what happened to mom, so he really needed to do something... but... shouldn't a Haz Knight have muscles and stuff?"

 

"And Cinnamon-chan?"

 

"Well... she's a chick, that's different. She's all speedy or whatever, isn't she? Okay then, okay then, if you were a Haz Knight, what kinda power would you have? Maybe you'd get super-beefy when you transformed. Though that'd be kinda weird."

 

"What power would I have? Mmn, well. I'd have to think about that. Nevermind, though... Carrot-chan, can you name all of the Haz Knights?"

 

Carrot looked thoughtful for a moment, "Umm... well... there's dad... Sacher was one, wasn't he?"

 

"I mean, Big Mama's current Haz Knights. The ones who always attend her. Those four who always stand behind her, you know?"

 

"Oh, okay. Umn... Cinnamon, of course... that... dude with the glasses... Salmon?"

 

"Shiffon."

 

"Him, yeah. That other dude, the... the tall one... Kaf... Kah... lua?"

 

"Yes, yes... and the other?"

 

"Ah-... ...err..."

 

Milphey poked Carrot on the forehead, "You're not very observant, are you. Anyway, Carrot-chan isn't angry anymore! My super diversion tactics obviously worked. Do you feel better now?"

 

The reason for standing in the corridor with Milphey in the first place occurred to Carrot's mind; he thought about Milphey's question - did he feel better? Well, at first he'd been angry with Milphey. He still didn't know why Marron was unconscious, but... unless Milphey was lying, the reason for Marron having been gone seemed an appropriate one. Milphey wouldn't lie about something like that, would he? Maybe it wasn't something that could be easily checked on...

 

"I, I guess... but... um... I guess you might not know or anything, but... why did the Haz Knight want Marron in the first place?"

 

Milphey gazed out of the window again, "Well... Kahlua is a long-standing master of magic. Marron himself is very adept with his own kind of magic..."

 

"Oh, he wanted to check out Marron's magic?"

 

"Something like that. More that... he wanted to make sure that Marron was okay."

 

"Why, would there be something wrong with him?"

 

A glance at Carrot, "You tell me that, you're his brother. I wouldn't want to worry my cute little Carrot-chan, but... well, there's just an outside possibility that if Marron keeps on as he is, always meditating and working himself so hard, he... might work himself a bit too hard."

 

"Stress, huh?"

 

"More like death, or something close to it. But think whatever you want, as I said, I wouldn't want to worry you or anything!"

 

There was a silence after that. Milphey had looked back to the window as he'd finished speaking, trying to at least end on a high note... besides, Carrot saw him as a frivolous person, didn't he? Maybe he was joking about the death thing, or something. Milphey wondered if he should have said something like that; the risk was there, but at least for the moment that was only a very extreme diagnosis... maybe too much work and emotional stress would eventually work Marron into the grave, but so would eating a fieldful of Nossian mushrooms, nobody ever said that was a danger... however, Carrot had lapsed into silence, so it seemed that something from what Milphey had said had gone in.

 

Milphey looked up, "Carrot-chan?"

 

Carrot was standing against the wall next to the window, now. His own arms were folded, he seemed to be intently staring at... the floor? He probably wasn't specifically looking at anything. His brow twitched in a slight frown, he looked back up at Milphey.

 

"I don't... want... anything bad... to happen to him..."

 

It seemed as if he didn't quite know what to say. Milphey smiled fondly, ruffling Carrot's hair again. Carrot didn't pull away, that time.

 

"I know, I know. Nobody does, do they? That's why we have to take care of him. I'm not saying there's anything actually wrong with him... well, I don't know if that's a way to put it... it's more that... if you took him to a doctor he'd probably have a perfectly clean bill of health... it's nothing a medical examination could pick up. They say that nobody ever died of a broken heart, but quite a few stabbed themselves before giving themselves a chance to heal, if they even felt they could in the first place... so... look, you're the most influential person to that one. Do influential things."

 

"You don't call him 'Marron-chan' when you're being serious..."

 

"Ah? Oh, oh... you're right, I don't, do I? Ahaha, I didn't even realise what I was saying. No, I suppose I don't. Well, he's a troubled youth, and he's got a lot of problems on his shoulders. I suppose I have a bit of respect for him. I think he thinks he's doing the right thing..."

 

Carrot frowned again, "You sound like you know what you're talking about..."

 

"I wouldn't try to tell you things if I didn't!"

 

"I mean, it sounds like you know stuff about Marron... okay he's got these problems, what are they? What kinda problems can someone have that end up being so risky? I mean, everyone's got problems, what kinda problems is it that's gonna be so bad like that?"

 

"Marron-chan never does things by halves, I'll give him that. Well, how should I put it... if you wanted to give up a bad habit, how would you go about it? Say you wanted to go on a diet."

 

"A diet? Umm... I'd probably... look at what I was eating, figure what was the worst kinda thing, like, sweet things or something... buy more fruit and vegetables? Exercise?"

 

"Would you suddenly stop eating anything at all?"

 

"Of course not, that's not a way to diet, that's starvation!"

 

"How do you think Marron-chan would diet?"

 

"Um, oh man. He'd probably work out detailed charts of everything he ate for a month and come out with some perfectly balanced plan at the end of it, or something. He's not starving himself, is he?"

 

"He's not, no. Well, I think he could always do to eat a little more but he's at least healthy. Now, say you were addicted to something. Like... say... oh, I don't know... picking an example out of thin air... hm hm hm... here's an idea floating along here, I pluck it gently with two fingers... masturbation. You were wanking too much. You woke up each morning with a sore groin and found it a little hard to walk because you did it so much. How would you stop that?"

 

"Uhhh..."

 

Milphey smirked, "Of course, didn't Carrot-chan have a similar problem not long ago..."

 

Carrot blushed, "You don't need to say anything about that! Well, I mean... something like that... I guess I'd... try to do it less? I don't know... something like that, it's hard to think about... how you'd stop it, 'cause... well... um... I mean... you can say 'oh I want to not do it so much' but then when you're actually doing it there's no real way to stop it or maybe that's just me, but... um... yeah. I dunno."

 

"If Marron had a problem with that, how do you think he'd solve it?"

 

Carrot scoffed, "I don't think Marron'd have a problem with something like that. He's too preoccupied with clever stuff to get caught up with that kinda thing."

 

"You'd be surprised. Alright, look at it another way; you're in love with somebody. Entirely in love with them. Everything they do makes every moment of your life a pleasure to live, merely because they're in the same rough geographical location as you. You live them, you breathe them, you want them. You can't have them. They're already taken, maybe they're celibate, perhaps they're not attracted to your gender... there are so many reasons why you can't have that person, but despite anything and everything, every fibre of your being cries out for them. You don't know how it happened, when, or why... just that it did, and it's affecting every part of you. Every waking moment is spent thinking about them. You know the situation is hopeless. What do you do?"

 

For a few moments, Carrot's expression was entirely blank. Milphey wondered if the topic of such disguised obsession was perhaps a bit too abstract for Carrot's mind.

 

"That is, you're totally smitten for somebody, but you know it'd be sensible not to be. Would you just stop? Would you go after them anyway?"

 

"Uh... well... I mean, if it was just simple I'd probably go after them anyway, but if it was something all complicated... I don't know... if it was something you couldn't help, then you couldn't help it, right? Can you really say 'I'm just gonna stop now'? Not that I've ever really had anything like that before, but... just from what you were saying..."

 

Milphey softened his tone, "Imagine if it was Marron who felt like that."

 

Again, Carrot's expression what somewhat blank... his brow twitched into another frown, emotion seemed to subtly change his expression. He still seemed confused, but differently... Milphey just watched him.

 

"... I... I dunno..."

 

A soft laugh, "It's not something that needs a straight answer. I doubt even Marron-chan himself could answer suddenly! Just, it's something to think about. I really want you to think about that, alright?"

 

"... It's... it's the whole person-he-loves bit again, isn't it? Dammit, but he never said anything about that in the first place other than that they existed..."

 

"He probably won't say much more even if you asked him. Don't try forcing things out of him... I think he just needs somebody to be there for him."

 

Carrot looked down at his chest, where Milphey had one outstretched finger pressed against the edge of his tanktop.

 

"Me?"

 

"You're the treasured older brother..."

 

"I guess..."

 

Supposing that was enough to be giving Carrot to think about for the time being, Milphey stepped away. The conversation seemed to have come to some kind of close, and they'd managed to avoid any unpleasant situations... Milphey still couldn't help but watch Carrot with a different kind of eye to how he normally might, however. There was something about Carrot that couldn't quite be specified, and he still found himself attracted to the older Glacé brother. It was that sort of roughness, perhaps? Onion had been a lot like that. As for Marron's attraction to Carrot... that seemed harder to define and probably something not even Marron could easily explain. Again, it just was.

 

"So... Marron's got problems because he's in love?"

 

"Love, lust, dangerous obsession... a combination of the three."

 

"Don't get how that's got to do with the magic thing and Kahlua..."

 

"It would take a while to explain, and I don't know if Marron would particularly want it explained... as I said, just try being there for him rather than getting on some high horse. He's the kind of person who only clams up if you make him uncomfortable."

 

"Well, that's true..."

 

"And besides, how would you feel if you hadn't been able to have an orgasm for months? That's surely got to make somebody a bit uptight. Aaa-nyway, I was going to go do some cleaning, my bedroom could do with a little sorting... I'll see you sometime later, Carrot-chan. B-"

 

"Wait, what?!"

 

"What about what?"

 

"The orgasms thing! Months?!"

 

Milphey nodded, "Months, yes. I mean, I don't know things exactly, but... it's got to have been months by this point!"

 

"But he's... he's... I've... he's... I've caught him doing stuff before...! And sometimes, while he's been sleeping... I know they said you usually grow out of that, so I was wondering about that 'cause he's not getting any younger, but..."

 

"Conscious orgasms, Carrot-chan. Again, it's not something I'd ask him outright, but... the sooner we can get his brain and his balls speaking the same language, the better things might be for him, I think. I shouldn't say too much, really. So... he should be waking up soon, shouldn't he? You should be there for him when he wakes up. I think he'd like that."

 

"Ah, mm."

 

An understanding nod, and Milphey started to walk away from Carrot, off in the direction of his own bedroom.

 

The other thing that caught Milphey about Carrot... it was again watching things from that slightly biased viewpoint, but... well, it was like anybody in Eden who wasn't privy to the things that Milphey was aware of. He'd suspected Marron's feelings from long before Marron ever said anything, and that time when he'd revealed his feelings had only shed more light on events that enabled them to make sense. It seemed that, to understand Marron, you just had to accept that... there was no question about his feelings, not by this point.

 

Given how events currently stood - how could the others be so unknowing?

 

Perhaps that wasn't strictly true. Both Gateau and Carrot seemed to show only-more-frequent signs of knowing, or if not of implicitly knowing then starting to understand... once one thought occurred, surely the rest would follow? Wasn't it quite obvious what the root of the problem was?

 

Oh well, Milphey thought to himself as he turned the corner along the corridor. Denial could be a powerful thing, sometimes.

 

Carrot stood where Milphey had left him. He stared at the floor.

 

Months?!

 

How could you not have an orgasm for months?! Did Marron just choose not to? Were there other reasons for it? How did Milphey know about something like that anyway? Had Marron actually spoken to him about something like that!?... Carrot still found himself at a loss as to Milphey and Marron's current relationship. He'd half-meant to bring up the subject of that whole oral sex thing back from when that had happened, but Milphey had managed to change the subject too quickly, and Carrot had forgotten to mention it. It still seemed a bit weird, but... well, maybe that could wait for another time.

 

Yes, Milphey had been right. Marron would probably wake up soon; occupying his mind with this thought, Carrot opened the door to his bedroom, walked through, and quickly closed it (quietly) behind him. Any movement from Marron...? No, there didn't seem to be. He seemed to be still asleep. Carrot approached the bed... he turned on his heel, and sat on the edge of his own. He watched Marron for a few moments. Just his sleeping breathing... he looked quite peaceful. Whatever he'd been doing with that Haz Knight... Carrot first thought that it couldn't have been anything disturbing, but then again, he had no idea. Anything could have happened, really.

 

Sighing, Carrot swung his feet over onto his bed and leant against his pillows. He stared up at the ceiling; there always seemed to be problems, when it came to Marron... problems with himself, problems with other people, problems with his powers, problems with all three... Marron was always a mysterious person and that still annoyed Carrot. It was alright to be mysterious but couldn't he at least talk to people about some things...

 

Well. It seemed that he certainly talked to Milphey about things. Milphey seemed to know an awful lot of the situation, from the things that he said and the things that he hadn't said...

 

Still, whatever was or wasn't, the current important thing was that of Marron. Currently sleeping, seemingly peaceful, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with him. Carrot looked from him to around the room; when Marron woke up, might there be anything he wanted? A drink, perhaps? Something to eat? A bath, maybe? The room seemed too quiet and Carrot felt an eager rush of wanting to be useful. He wasn't psychic and Marron wasn't awake to make any requests anyway, but... surely there had to be something? Carrot couldn't think of anything. He growled in his annoyance.

 

Milphey'd probably know exactly what to do.

 

Slipping himself off of the bed, Carrot walked over to stand next to Marron's bed. Unable to think of anything else, Carrot reached out and shook Marron's shoulder slightly.

 

"Hey, Marron...?"

 

"Uh... nn..."

 

Only a very slight noise in reply. Carrot retracted his hand. Perhaps it was a better idea to let Marron wake up naturally? Besides, Milphey had carried him quite a long way, even up stairs, and Marron hadn't woken up. Surely somebody would notice if they were being carried, especially up a staircase! Marron could certainly be a light sleeper at times...

 

He hadn't had a conscious orgasm in months?! That still seemed something amazing to Carrot's mind. Usually he ended up masturbating more or less every day, depending on energy, lethargy and the need to sleep... Marron was of course very different when it came to his thought processes, but even he would have to some of the time, surely...? Events with Gateau had proved that Marron wasn't asexual in body or mind...

 

Or at least, so it was assumed. That said, things with Marron and Gateau hadn't gone well and they only seemed to continue to have a wary regard for each other's existence... they didn't argue or end up in bad situations anymore (as far as Carrot could tell), that had to be a good thing, but... maybe Gateau had put Marron off of sex? Maybe it'd been something Gateau had done? It'd been a while since those two had been together, had it been a couple of months? Nobody said that Marron needed to have had an orgasm while with Gateau either, but perhaps...

 

Carrot growled to himself. He couldn't really think of any sensible reason for things, just that Marron was such an incredibly private person... he liked to think Marron would tell him of any problems he was having, but practical sense said that he probably wouldn't. More than anything else, he probably didn't want to burden Carrot with anything... clenching his fists, Carrot shook his head to himself; surely Marron realised that something like that would only make him worry more...!

 

"Nn... nnn..."

 

"Ah? Ah, Marron?"

 

The little noises that Marron made seemed louder now. Carrot turned his attention back down to his brother - was Marron waking up?

 

"Ahn... nnh... nn?"

 

"You awake now?"

 

Marron's eyes seemed to close more tightly for a moment, before flickering slowly open. He stared lazily up at whatever was in his direct path of vision from waking up... he blinked a few times, his mind realizing who it was he was looking at; his expression seemed to relax some for realising this.

 

"Ah, niisan...! I-... oh, I'm in bed...?"

 

Carrot nodded, sitting himself on the edge of Marron's bed.

 

"Yep. There was some thing going on with you and a Haz Knight or something, then Milphey carried you back, and we were just on our way to doing a mission when we saw you and him coming back... I got Big Mama to let me have some time off 'cause I was worried about you. Was worried about what Milphey had done to you, but... if it was with a Haz Knight then it was probably something important, right? He wasn't lying, was he?"

 

Marron's head felt somewhat hazy; the last thing he remembered was being in that pyramid that Milphey had taken him to... he remembered Kahlua being there, his worries at his thoughts... he didn't remember much from after that. No doubt Kahlua had done whatever he'd had to do and Milphey had taken him from the pyramid to the bedroom, but... a sudden impatience burnt within Marron. Whatever it was that Kahlua had done, had it worked? Had he found out anything? Could anything be done? Marron wished that he'd been able to stay with Milphey and Kahlua for a little longer, to be able to find out such things... but then again, he'd probably been put to bed for a reason. As wayward as his thoughts were, he also felt somewhat drowsy... it was probably better to think about important things once he felt better. He looked up directly at Carrot, who was looking down at him with a genuine kind of concern... it warmed Marron to see such an expression. He smiled slightly and shook his head, "No, no, he wasn't lying, niisan. Kahlua wished to make some observations."

 

"I see..."

 

Carrot stood up then went back over to his own bed, "What kinda observations?"

 

"Ah... that is..."

 

"I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't wanna, or anything. Just curious."

 

"I'd... I'd rather not say."

 

"Kay then."

 

There seemed to be something dismissive in Carrot's tone; Marron didn't know what to make of that. Carrot was curious, he could pass off his own curiosity so quickly? Then again, he probably thought that Marron wouldn't tell him if he asked. That was possibly true. Marron didn't know how he'd describe what happened to Carrot, especially since he himself wasn't quite sure... then something else occurred.

 

"Ah-... niisan, you... you took time off of a mission...? I didn't know that we had a mission... I assumed that since our morning was undisturbed, then the rest of the day would be the same..."

 

"Yeah, I thought that too, but then suddenly Dota was callin' up on all of us, saying that there was suddenly a mission for us all to go on... but when we all got down there, Big Mama didn't seem too alarmed that you weren't around, I guess that Haz Knight of hers already said he was doing stuff with you? Still, coulda told someone about it... Tira saw you this morning, she'd been the only person who'd seen you! I was pretty worried! I mean, okay if you went down to the town, but you usually woulda gone with someone... though I guess maybe if you'd wanted to do something on your own, then you woulda gone on your own, and if you thought nothing was going to happen today then I guess there wouldn'ta been a reason to tell anybody, so... uh... yeah. You feelin' okay now? I was pretty worried when I first saw you in Milphey's arms like that. Thought something bad mighta happened."

 

Marron's smile was warm, "You were concerned..."

 

Looking away, Carrot closed his eyes with a vague embarrassed blush. Of course he'd been worried, Marron didn't have to say something like that and sound so pleased about it! He folded his arms, "You don't have to sound so surprised!"

 

"Niisan..."

 

Carrot opened one eye, glancing across at Marron. His smile was still warm, and he never sounded happier to say that word...

 

"What is it?"

 

"Thank you. For being worried."

 

"Y-yeah, well. As I said, I'm gonna be, aren't I? Any sorts of things coulda happened to have had you being unconscious or whatever, I didn't know what'd happened! Anyway, you're okay now, so I guess we can forget about it. Is there anything you want? Something to eat, something to drink? I could do you a bath if you wanted."

 

"I'm alright, niisan. More than anything I still feel a little tired... I think I should probably stay in bed, just for a while."

 

"I can always bring you stuff!"

 

"If I become hungry or thirsty, I'll tell you. Thank you for offering, though."

 

The two fell into silence.

 

Mind working overtime, Carrot stared down at his feet. Marron did seem alright, didn't he? He seemed warm, seemed contented... however, for all that he seemed to be, there was little to tell Carrot of how he actually was - after all, anybody could seem alright, but then there were the things that Milphey had said... not just the orgasms thing. About Marron working himself too hard. He could get too stressed out. He could die? Well, in their line of work that was always just a tiny threat, but... Carrot didn't know what to make of that. Was Marron aware of the risks? Just what was he doing that was risky in the first place?

 

"Um... Marron?"

 

"Yes, niisan?"

 

"You're... really okay, aren't you?"

 

"Ah, I think so... as I said, I feel somewhat sleepy, but I'm sure that'll pass-"

 

"No, no, I don't mean just now, I mean in general...! I mean... you're not... stressed or anything, are you?"

 

"I think we're all a little stressed, niisan. Don't you have frustrations?"

 

Carrot frowned, "Well yeah, but... but..."

 

"But?"

 

"... I wanna know if there's anything bugging you, okay? I... okay, it was something Milphey said. He was saying about you always working and meditating and stuff, and saying that if you did stuff like that too much then maybe... maybe... I mean, he coulda been exaggerating or whatever, but..."

 

"But...?"

 

The more Carrot spoke, the more emotional his tone seemed to become. Marron sat up, leaning against the headboard of the bed and looking over at his brother with concern. Aside from that, just what had Milphey said...? Carrot looked back across at him, the sadness in his eyes seeming terrible to Marron.

 

"... I don't want anything bad to happen to you!! I don't really get it... cause... all the stuff you do, the magic and the meditating and stuff... it's stuff you do 'cause you know you can, isn't it? You wouldn't do anything risky on purpose, would you...?"

 

"Well... some spells can carry more risk than others, but it's all part of a learning curve. Once you learn a spell, you have the potential to learn another, but I wouldn't attempt something I knew I wasn't yet suited for. If anything were to happen to me, it would only be because of my own carelessness... sometimes it's impossible not to be distracted..."

 

Carrot frowned, Marron didn't understand the expression.

 

A distraction? Being distracted? It would of course be best not to be distracted from important magical things... if Milphey had been in the room and able to read Carrot's mind, he might have been pleased at Carrot's mind making the connection. Marron seemed the kind of person who was infinitely patient, but then again, arousal was a funny thing and it could do strange things even to the most sensible of people... perhaps that was why Marron hadn't done anything for months? A kind of celibacy related to his studies? That also tied in with what Milphey had mentioned about the love thing. If there was someone who Marron loved then almost definitely he'd think about them sexually, wouldn't they? Anybody else would probably take that as it was, but Marron... Marron would probably see something like that as a distraction against important things...

 

"Do influential things," Milphey had said. Carrot's mind worked furiously; of course, if there was anything he wanted to know then it wouldn't fall directly onto his lap... if there was something wrong with Marron, he'd have to do his best as an influential older brother to help! Even if he wasn't sure what was wrong or what he could do to help, that wasn't important. It was the thought that counted, wasn't it?

 

"Um... Marron?"

 

"Yes, niisan?"

 

"It's... okay to think about sex, you know."

 

Marron blinked. That had come out of nowhere.

 

"Ah... y-yes, niisan..."

 

"I- I mean... well... you probably know this kinda stuff already... but... if you get horny it is okay to touch yourself, okay? Even if people think it's horrible and disgusting, it's not their business. Everyone does it, don't they? I mean, you know I do... I know you do... but... um... I- I guess it sounds weird if I say 'do it more', but... uh... uhm... if you get frustrated... it's okay to let out some of that frustration...! I guess that's it... so, um... if... you're ever, eh... frustrated... I mean... I wouldn't mind if you wanted me out of the bedroom while you wanted to do stuff, 'cause... you're... I know you probably would rather stay quiet than ask something like that, but..."

 

"... It's not as simple as that, niisan."

 

"... uh?"

 

Marron's voice was quiet, "If it was only frustration, then perhaps then it would have been easier..."

 

"Marron, Milphey told me you hadn't had an orgasm in months! That's stupidly amazing! I mean, months?! Has it really been months?! How can you keep it in that long?! I mean, months... that's loads of days, and during that time you were even up to stuff with Gateau! Surely you came at least some times with him, right?"

 

Not looking up at Carrot, Marron just shook his head.

 

"What, he didn't make you come?"

 

Another shake.

 

"At all?!"

 

No movement.

 

"Damn... that must really suck, being in a relationship and, y'know, sex sucking. I wish I could be so picky, I'd be happy enough just to have a relationship where I could have sex!"

 

Marron remained still, his knees pulled to his chest and his head leant on his knees. Carrot realised that, while such an argument was true, it probably wasn't the kind that would really help Marron. It was enough to say things like that but there were probably many different reasons why Gateau hadn't managed it, though it seemed really weird to think about...

 

No wonder they'd always seemed to have been arguing over things. How frustrating would that be! It just seemed weird still, though. How could somebody be in a relationship where there was quite blatant sexual contact and not come!? The thought was alien to Carrot.

 

"Was he just not good?"

 

"Ah? Ah, well... that is..."

 

He seemed uncomfortable. Carrot waved one hand, "You don't gotta say anything if you don't wanna. I just find that pretty amazing...! I mean, you guys were at least getting to the heavy petting stage, right? How can you not come if somebody's touching you right?"

 

"Niisan, I-"

 

It seemed as if Marron had been about to say something he felt was important, but then had decided against it at the last moment. He'd looked up at Carrot... he looked back down again, but it was too late if he'd hoped that Carrot wouldn't notice. There was a brief moment of anticipation - was Marron going to say something? Was Marron going to open up to him? Carrot remained quiet for a short while to see if Marron would continue, but he said nothing. Carrot sighed heavily (this caused Marron to look up at him) and swung his legs back off of his bed. He slowly moved from his own bed back over to Marron's, walking as if the effort it took to move two meters in the other direction was entirely strenuous. He sat himself on the edge of Marron's bed and brought his legs up onto it, leaning back against the headboard and somewhat balanced on the edge. Realising this, Marron quickly moved to the side, allowing Carrot more space on the bed if he so wanted it. He blushed so very slightly as this was accepted; the bed seemed quite small when it had two people sat upon it... Carrot looked down at Marron.

 

"I don't want it to always be silence when we're trying to say stuff. You trust me, right? I, I mean, it's okay if you don't, I probably haven't done much for you to wanna trust me, but... if there's a chance you're gonna say stuff... say stuff, okay? I do worry about you, and I'm only gonna worry more if you're always doing mysterious things. So say what you were gonna say, whatever it is, I don't mind it. I wanna hear it. Talk to me, Marron!"

 

Marron only stared at Carrot as he spoke. It was easy enough to say things like that, to request trust in such an easygoing voice, but... he couldn't realise the half of it. Of course he trusted Carrot - but trusted with what was a different matter entirely.

 

"I... I was going to say... that at least... if it's you saying things like that... that it's so easy to feel climax... then that's a typical thing that you'd say, because your needs are so indiscriminate..."

 

"Uh?"

 

"You would care less of who it was, and more what it was... just that the contact itself existed... that would be enough for you, wouldn't it?"

 

"Well, uh... I mean... without getting too deep into it..."

 

Unable to hold back a note of malice, Marron continued.

 

"You certainly found yourself quite deeply involved on Euran Island."

 

"Hey now, I thought we sorted this one out while we were there! I couldn't help that, I... I..."

 

"You were swept along by events."

 

"Yeah! Uh... y-yeah... yeah, I guess. Something like that. But... if it'd been you... not that you woulda got into that kinda situation but just saying if you had, wouldn't you have wanted to take advantage of it?! Something you thought you'd only ever dream about, and suddenly it came true! Wouldn't you be just a bit knocked for a loop by that?"

 

Putting it like that put a slightly different slant on the past events. Carrot did of course have a point; it was enough to be self-righteously angry because Carrot had found himself at the centre of a hive of swarming horny women, but if the situation had been reversed... Marron still found himself thinking, very occasionally, of that dream he'd had. He and the anonymous masses. Such a potent dream that had been. What if Euran Island had held something such as that in it's overgrown forests? He might not have wanted to escape that. What if the illusion had held Carrot somewhere within it? If he hadn't known it an illusion then it might have just been perfect, for those moments the illusion could have taken.

 

Perhaps, put like that, he had no right to accuse Carrot on his intentions. His own, Marron felt, were possibly much worse.

 

"I... perhaps, niisan. I apologize."

 

"You don't have to, I was just sayin'. Besides, that was ages ago... that's all forgotten about now, right? It's just something that happened. And something you managed to save me from, so that's good, isn't it? You rescued me. Couldn'ta done it without you, little bro!"

 

"A-ahn..."

 

Marron rarely received praise well. Carrot passed that off as being usual, staring ahead as he leant his hands behind his head. In that kind of position... he was sat just an inch or so away from where Marron's head lay on the pillows. His left leg pressed against Marron's upper arm and shoulder... they were under the blankets, but Carrot could feel them. They felt warm. He moved his body a little, Marron remained still... Carrot brought his hands down, "So..."

 

"Niisan?"

 

"If you went onto Euran Island right now and there were a bunch of demons there gonna show you your hearts desire before they ate you... what would you see?"

"Ah...!?"

 

Carrot smiled and nudged Marron's shoulder with one fist, "Just wondering what kind of things my little brother would think about. I mean, surely you gotta have things you think about, right? Maybe tall girls, really pale... or really tanned ones, like the ones we saw! Ones with huge breasts? Oh, oh... you like guys though... um... well, you can still get like tanned guys and not tanned guys. Maybe a bunch of guys all like Gateau? Maybe a bunch of pretty guys. Like Milphey. I don't know. What do you think?"

 

"Ideally, a fantasy wouldn't have such a broad range..."

 

"No?"

 

"My fantasies... my thoughts... they would contain only one person."

 

There didn't need to be an island colony. Marron fell into silence, Carrot watching him and waiting for him to continue. He remained respectfully silent, which only helped to fuel Marron's lapse into that momentary fantasy... it would be like Euran Island. It would be Euran Island. No colony or population was needed - just the two of them, in the jungle. Or perhaps on the beach. Yes, the beach. The sand would be warm from the blazing hot sun of the day... while they were there, the moon would shine down on them. The tide would rise and fall, the loud rush of the sea being the only sound outside of their harried breathing... they'd work themselves against the sand and against each other. It'd be strangely exhilarating to be outside like that, wouldn't it? Nobody would catch them. The island would be their own private paradise...

 

"You've gone quiet again."

 

"Ah! Ah... I'm sorry, niisan. I was... I was thinking."

 

"Heh, thinking about a fantasy, huh?"

 

"... Perhaps..."

 

"See, it's possible to think about things like that! It's not a bad thing, or anything. Aaa, it's still frustrating though... you're never going to tell me who the person is that you're after, are you? If it's all about the person rather than what's happening then obviously that person's gonna be important, but... um... oh, what was it that Milphey said... nobody ever died of stabbing themselves in the heart!"

 

Marron and Carrot stared at each other, frowning in unison as the muddled sentiment of Carrot's statement dawned on them. Carrot cleared his throat, "Ahem, you know what I mean. Milphey made more sense than me, he's better at stuff like that than I am. Doesn't matter. Okay, then... if the person you wanted walked into this room at this very moment and walked over and said 'Marron, I'm yours, do what you would to me'... what would you do to them?"

 

It was so very hard to think of something like that when the real target of Marron's affections was currently lying next to him in bed; that was a far more attractive prospect. Oh, but if Carrot were to walk up and say something like that? Such a thought seemed far too glorious to Marron's mind; it'd be less a matter of what to do, and more a case of where to start...!

 

The close physical proximity seemed too much to bear. Carrot shifted a little when he felt Marron moving against him, but then found himself with Marron's arms wrapped around his waist and Marron's head leaning into his side; he held his hands up, "M-Marron?"

 

"If something like that were to happen... at first, I think I should wish to hold them. Be able to feel them, be able to feel that they were mine... be able to whisper such declarations into their ear, and hear an acceptance in return. To be able to be quiet with them. To share such close and comfortable moments."

 

Marron's voice seemed so very far away at that moment. Gingerly, Carrot lowered his arms back to where they'd been, one now resting over Marron's back, due to his position. Marron held him tightly, Carrot could feel the vague shudder of Marron's fingers as vocally-guided fantasy shivered through his body... he didn't know what to do. Marron seemed to be in quite a comfortable position now, but... thinking of whoever it was he was thinking about, surely it was only risky to play substitute for something to hug in that person's absence? Not that he'd exactly invited Marron's embrace, but Carrot felt bad about even thinking about pushing him away... after all, wasn't that a form of opening up in itself? Marron didn't hug just anybody around the waist. He supposed he could put up with it just for the time being; it was a hug, there wasn't anything deep in it.

 

He did speak so warmly, though. It seemed strange to hear words like that, spoken in Marron's voice... for him to talk so fondly and with such familiarity about somebody he wouldn't even tell Carrot who it was... the mental stock was taken again. Not Gateau. Not Milphey. Neither of those two. Perhaps a Haz Knight? It seemed that Marron had some interaction with them now, so... possibly? Probably a Haz Knight. That older one sure was intimidating, wasn't he? Sometimes there was something sexy about people who were intimidating in just that right kind of way. Maybe that other Haz Knight guy, the one with the glasses. He looked a kinder sort of person. Maybe that was what Marron liked, like some sort of kindly teacher. And just what things would Marron want to be taught...

 

"Um..."

 

"Mmn?"

 

"... You sure you don't want me to get you anything? I could try and make you a sandwich if you wanted me to..."

 

"I'm alright, really I am."

 

"You sure there's nothing you want? I wanna make myself useful here."

 

Marron felt his heart pound in his chest, unable to stop himself from saying the things he wanted, just slightly...

 

"Niisan... for me to ask something of you... for me to make a request of you... all I would ask of you is that you would remain here with me for as long as you were comfortable. Let us stay like this, just for a while. That would be what I would ask of you."

 

Carrot shifted a little, easing himself against the pillows.

 

"Um, sure... still, I'm probably not good for this."

 

"Niisan?"

 

"I don't mind you hugging me in place of the person you want to hug, but I'm probably nothing like them... bigger muscles, y'know? So... that is... I don't mind, but... I just wish I could be what you wanted."

 

There was quite a tangible pause in the room following Carrot's words. Marron was glad that his position meant that Carrot couldn't directly see his facial expression, because he wouldn't have been able to disguise his shock and subtle confusion on hearing that. Carrot wished he could be what Marron wanted? Oh, but if he could realise that he was what Marron wanted, who Marron wanted...! He stared straight ahead, not sure what to think. Had Carrot meant to say something like that?

 

Carrot himself only realised his error once it'd left his mouth. He froze before saying anything else - that was quite a strange thing to say, wasn't it? He hadn't meant it like that... Marron knew he hadn't meant it like that, right? There wasn't any need to say anything, and there wasn't really any way to explain it, but... no, what kind of thought was that? The person Marron wanted was probably somebody brilliant and powerful. Maybe it was a Haz Knight. Whoever it was, Marron probably had a high opinion of them, and his feelings must have been so strong to have held him so powerfully for him to be at risk like how Milphey had mentioned... such powerful feelings that even Marron was helpless against them! Carrot felt awed that such feeling even existed - something that even Marron was powerless against? It really was something he felt he couldn't understand. Then to think that somebody had stirred such feelings in the first place...! Carrot couldn't think of anybody he thought of as being good enough for Marron, though obviously he was a little biased when it came to that. Marron was brilliant, how could anybody be good enough for him!?

 

Still, nobody said that feelings were ever rational. Marron had fallen for somebody, and that couldn't be changed. Who he had fallen for... Carrot was starting to lose faith that he'd ever find out. Even as the trusted older brother, it didn't seem that he was trusted that much... why didn't Marron trust him to tell him something like that? If Carrot knew then at least he could maybe help...! Maybe go up to the person, drop a few hints... even like that, it didn't seem like he could be useful to Marron.

 

He wanted to be able to go up to that person and give them a piece of his mind, tell them that Marron was often miserable because of them, that he was doing dangerous things because he was having problems with his feelings... of course Marron was the kind of person who'd stay quiet, who'd seem content in comparison to sit with his feelings unrequited as long as his interaction with the person was undisturbed... but who wouldn't want Marron? If it was a Haz Knight maybe that made it a bit awkward, they were all important and powerful and maybe they didn't want young Sorcerer Hunters crushing on them, but they were also wise and knowing and surely they had to realise that, if Marron felt for any of them, that was something they couldn't just ignore!

 

"There's no reason why it would be me."

 

Carrot wasn't sure where that thought had come from, and more than things he said quickly without realising, that thought made him uncomfortable. He'd occasionally had issue with Gateau about that, hadn't he? Milphey too... it was common knowledge that Marron loved Carrot the most, or at least, that was what it seemed... thinking about that, thinking about somebody who Marron loved... how did that work... unless he was very good at keeping his professional duty and personal life apart, and it seemed a little sad to think that Marron would only protect him with such determination through duty...

 

Feeling somewhat nervous, Carrot realised his breathing had quickened and his heart was racing; why was that? Well, it was... it was a pretty weird thing to think. His own little brother, having the hots for him? No, that was only perverting things. Marron could be weird but not that weird. He had the sense to keep such things separate... didn't he!? And then he was lying there in bed hugging his niisan as if he were the last rock protecting against the flood. Oh god.

 

He took a deep breath. He was panicking. He was letting his thoughts run away with themselves. What kind of stupid things was he thinking?! If anything else, no way would Marron ever want somebody like him! He'd just been thinking that Marron was brilliant, he was, there wasn't really anybody Carrot could think of that he felt deserved Marron and he never thought himself part of that elite either! He didn't understand why Marron protected and dedicated himself to him so loyally...

 

Nobody said that Marron did have awkward feelings for him.

 

People could imply it pretty loudly, though.

 

Nobody said he had those feelings but then nobody said that he didn't, either...

 

The thought was usually one that rose in Carrot's mind then fizzled out pretty quickly as he dismissed it as being stupid. As far as Marron was concerned it seemed that his very reason for birth was to protect Carrot, to look after him, to ensure his wellbeing, to protect him, to keep him comfortable, keep him happy, keep him contented... Marron would risk anything and everything for Carrot, and had done so on more than one occasion. Marron wasn't somebody who lied well, and he certainly sounded sincere when he said that he loved Carrot... maybe he could be obsessed with two things at once? Maybe his love was the pure love of a protective younger brother? Of course, of course. What more would it be? Both at once, the answer seemed scarily believable then reasonably stupid in Carrot's mind. On one hand it seemed to be the natural conclusion that Marron would love Carrot, but on the other hand... love? Love love? Love love love love? As in love love? Love as in desire-obsession-sex-oh-god-sex-love? No, no way. Marron had better things to do with his time than want into his brother's trousers.

 

Despite his troubled thought process, there was one thought that didn't go away.

 

"Maybe that's why he's not telling you who it is that he's after. It's you, Carrot."

 

The more he thought about it the more he wanted to prove such a thought wrong, but then the more he thought about it to try to rationalize it as being wrong in his mind, the less such a rationalization seemed possible. Either Marron was living a spectacular double-life or he had the hots for his blood brother, and Carrot didn't know which one of those was the more likely. Yes he did. Marron's hands were still tightly around his waist. Neither had said anything for a good while now; he would have thought that Marron would have said something but he hadn't... would have thought that he himself would have said something...! After all, he'd just made quite a stunning faux pas, didn't Marron have anything to say for or against that!? Carrot tried to turn that to his advantage.

 

"Ahahaha... I mean... that is... I wouldn't be what you wanted, right? Ahaha... didn't mean it like that... 'cause like... if I wanted to be what you wanted... that'd mean I'd want you to... to want me, wouldn't it? Or something. Gah, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Forget I said anything. That'd sure be weird, wouldn't it?"

 

Marron didn't say anything. Either there was an agreement that didn't even require vocal notice, or Marron didn't know what to say. Carrot glanced down, but all he could really see from his position was the top of Marron's head.

 

"... Wouldn't it, Marron...?"

 

Carrot spoke with a nod, aware that he was being a little forceful in his tone of voice but he needed Marron to say something! To say something, to say anything... to agree with him, to agree that it'd be weird, that it was a silly thought, that he was messed up for even mixing up his words and saying something like that in the first place, or even to disagree and to let everything make sense for once... just... just something...!

 

The thought that there was possibly a very real reason for Marron's silence wouldn't leave Carrot's mind. Marron had his reasons for remaining silent and maybe Carrot didn't need to or want to know these reasons,é however... just for the sake of his own reasoning, he had to know...! Even if it was only a hint, anything would help... and he didn't know how far he'd get by asking Marron anything. Carrot found himself moving on the bed before he could really think about what he was doing; it seemed to be a sensible thing to do. If Marron was uncomfortable then Carrot would be able to tell, wouldn't he? If he got really uncomfortable he'd probably try to push away. Marron wasn't the kind of person who'd stay in a situation for any longer than he had to. So when Marron pulled away from Carrot's waist, Carrot caught him in mid-movement and held him still, more or less ending up on all fours on top of Marron, holding him down by his wrists.

 

Marron just stared up at him, his eyes unblinking.

 

"... If you were uncomfortable... you'd say so, right?"

 

"A-ah..."

 

"... If somebody did things to you you didn't want them to... you'd stop them... wouldn't you?"

 

A slight nod, "Y-yes, niisan... but... but why...?"

 

"... Because... because I can't figure you out at all..."

 

Carrot felt eversoslightly lightheaded. Just what was he doing!? On the bed like that, on top of Marron like that... and Marron wasn't arguing or saying anything to dissuade the behaviour... what did that mean? Did that mean that it was a position he didn't mind? He'd just said that he'd stop people who did things he didn't want to have happen... did that count if it was Carrot? Even if it was his brother, he'd stop him, wouldn't he? And Marron still just stared up at him, seeming as if he didn't know what to say. Carrot himself didn't know what to say either - it'd seemed a good idea a few seconds ago, get him into a slightly dodgy position and see how he reacted... but that kind of depended on Marron reacting, and as things were, he wasn't.

 

Anybody would freak out, wouldn't they? Suddenly finding their older brother pinning them to the bed. What a perverted thing to do! Wasn't that unforgivable? Surely that was betraying the fraternal ties that bound them together? Abusing the closeness for sexual gratification... or any kind of gratification at all, Carrot especially didn't intend to go that far...! However, the margin for reaction seemed so very slim in Carrot's mind. Marron wasn't moving or doing anything at all - either it was that, as he'd said he'd hit out if he didn't want something happening, he did want the situation, or... or it was a case of, because it was Carrot, he didn't want to stop him. Carrot felt all too aware of Marron's manner, his outlook on life... was he too scared to do anything because it was Carrot doing things in the first place?

 

"... Marron..."

 

"... Yes... niisan?"

 

"... It's okay to hit me..."

 

"Niisan...?"

 

"If you're uncomfortable. If you think I'm acting weird. You... you don't gotta just accept stuff that happens only because it's me..."

 

"Aah..."

 

It didn't seem as if Carrot's words were having any conscious effect on Marron. That was frustrating. Carrot's body also felt somewhat heavy by this point... he wondered if it was alright to move. He wanted some kind of straight reply or answer out of Marron, some kind of indication as to just what the hell was going on in that pretty head of his... he wanted to move, but if he went back to sit on his bed then Marron would probably escape his questioning by dodging neatly. It was easier to corner somebody if you could look them in the eye, wasn't it? Marron still looked quite relaxed, really. Perhaps a straight answer required a straight question before it.

 

"Marron...?"

 

"Yes...?"

 

"... Are you... uncomfortable...?"

 

A slight pause... Marron looked away from Carrot, his gaze darting off to the side.

 

"... No."

 

Carrot grabbed Marron under his chin and held his head steadily against the pillow; Marron seemed to freeze for a moment, Carrot felt very aware of Marron's pulse, of his quick breathing... perhaps his movement had been a little brutal, but he had to know...!

 

"If you look off like that then it's only confusing... just say things right out!"

 

His head held in position, Marron couldn't look away. He could feel himself blushing... was it really alright to say the things that Carrot wanted him to say? When it came to it, he wasn't really sure what Carrot wanted him to say... his thoughts rushed through his mind. He could never be uncomfortable, not in that position, not like that, but then... might that be a strange answer? Might not he be asked why he wasn't uncomfortable? What might that reveal... would Carrot want to hear something like that? His own feelings made Marron feel unsure, but he could never question Carrot's intentions.

 

"I... I couldn't... couldn't feel uncomfortable with you, niisan...! I... I don't feel uncomfortable like this... perhaps... unsure somehow... but only with a kind of anticipation for... for what may or may not happen afterward..."

 

"Antici... pation...?"

 

It seemed that Carrot didn't know how to take that. He frowned. As Marron spoke, Carrot's hold around Marron's upper chin had softened, his hand now leant against Marron's neck. Saying nothing to the raised question, Marron wrapped his fingers around Carrot's wrist, pulled his hand away from his neck. For a moment Carrot thought to retract his hand, but then Marron's fingers were just a little too tight for that... then their hands were wrapped together, the pad of Marron's thumb pressing into Carrot's palm. His gaze switched from Carrot's unblinking eyeline down to Carrot's hand... he watched it as if he didn't know what to do with it, as if he wasn't sure whether to dare what occurred to him... but he wasn't saying anything, Carrot wasn't saying anything, neither spoke or moved and as far as doing things went, it seemed fairly logical to Marron's suddenly somewhat hazy mind. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the edge of Carrot's finger. That in itself could have held any amount of implication, but it was when Marron closed his eyes and took Carrot's finger into his mouth that Carrot had a sudden strong sense of misgiving. Implication was implication but what the holy fuck was that!?

 

Carrot could only watch with momentarily suspended disbelief as Marron didn't stop. He felt Marron's teeth graze softly across the top and bottom of his finger as he started to suck it - suck it?! Why would anybody suck somebody else's finger?! Carrot just let his hand be held and his finger be sucked as he stared with bemused shock. He didn't want to admit that Marron was blushing. Didn't want to admit that he was quite sure he was blushing just as much, if not more. Certainly didn't want to admit that that was quite a sexy move in itself - whoever got hard over having their finger sucked, and from their brother, too! Even so, Carrot was morbidly curious as to what would happen if Marron continued, and so didn't pull his finger away. Marron's own hand then moved, and he took Carrot's middle finger into his mouth... he ran his tongue along it, feeling wonderfully embarrassed. Without saying anything, surely Carrot had to realise... and Carrot could also perhaps see some of the small things his brother was capable of. If Carrot decided he liked some of those small things, then the small things could lead on to the larger things, and... ah, but that was getting ahead of oneself. Marron kept his concentration on Carrot's hand, letting out little 'nmn' noises as he sucked back and forth. It was alright for Carrot to know another side of him, wasn't it...?

 

That could only last for so long, and eventually Marron pulled Carrot's hand away. He lay his head back on the pillow, opening his eyes again and looking up at Carrot, really looking up at him... Carrot looked purely shocked.

 

"There were always things... I felt that I didn't wish Gateau to see..."

 

"Ah-hah...?"

 

"I don't think... I don't think I wanted to admit to either he or myself that I could allow myself... that I could allow myself to feel such strong feelings... caused by him. If there were things which I dreamed of, fantasies which I entertained... if there was one person I wished to watch me, then... that one person..."

 

Marron didn't say anything after that. Carrot only stared down at him still, unsure of what to say, what to do, what to think... if anything, he still didn't have a straight yes-no answer. If anything else, then signs were more pointing towards the former than the latter. His breathing was still quick; if Marron did want him, then what?! What was he supposed to do? Could he return Marron's affections? That seemed a hazy sort of idea. Returning his affections... that certainly meant that things would happen... of course, they were brothers, other people wouldn't like that...

 

That fact seemed to hit Carrot between the eyes again. Of course, they were brothers! They were brothers, and brothers just didn't do that kind of thing together! If Marron had got any funny ideas from anyplace, well, as the responsible and influential older brother he'd just have to dissuade Marron from them.

 

That was the sensible idea, anyway. The practical side of it didn't seem so easy; Marron was staring up at him still, his eyes a little wide and his expression a little lost somehow... if it was true and Marron did have weird feelings for him, of whatever kind... what was the best thing to do? Of course it'd be better for Marron's overall wellbeing to be a normal and well-adjusted human being, but on the other hand, what was normal anyway? You couldn't help your feelings. More than anything, Carrot didn't want to do anything that would hurt Marron...

 

He felt trapped. He didn't know what he was thinking anymore. A relationship with Marron?! Nobody ever said he wanted something like that in the first place - importantly, nobody had ever said that his overwhelming feelings were for Carrot anyway! Carrot had established that Marron wouldn't do anything against him and that Marron would probably do anything he asked, accept anything he did... but that... that was different to love, wasn't it? All it took for Marron to have mysterious feelings for somebody else would be for him to not mention it to anybody, and given Marron, that was also quite possible... Carrot felt at a loss. He didn't want to get involved in anything more than he felt he could manage, and he also didn't want to confuse Marron into anything either...

 

He found himself staring back at Marron. All of his thoughts seemed to head off in strange directions, and he still didn't know what was going on in Marron's head... his eyeline caught Marron's own, and they were staring at each other. Neither said anything. There was something in Marron's expression, but Carrot didn't know what that was... some kind of needing emotion. Perhaps that was all that it was? Need? If so, then what was that... Carrot leant a little closer... what did that mean, if Marron were to need him? To want him? A little closer... no, to actually need him... closer... because, after all... there were all of those problems, weren't there?... A little closer... all of those problems that Marron had had with Gateau because of the person he'd loved... so close now, Carrot could feel Marron's breath against his lips and was quite sure that the reverse was true... that had all been quite complicated, hadn't it? And now all the problems Marron was creating now for himself... and maybe... just maybe... there was the outside chance... all the danger, all the problems, all the emotions that Marron carried with him... were perhaps... caused... by Carrot himself... and then he kissed Marron, and he knew that perhaps that hadn't been the best thing to do, not if Marron was confused, not if he himself was confused, but at that moment, just for a second it seemed that all that existed in the world was the hint of Marron's breath and the way his lips parted as if in expectance, and if in expectance then they were expecting something, were waiting for something, and if that was the case then Carrot felt the matched need to give them something. To create a mirrored picture of the need his brother felt with his own body, to part his lips and let Marron feel his breath and then press that together and feel something different, and maybe it was wrong but at that moment it felt like anything in the world could have been wrong and nobody was saying what right was anyway, so if they were both wrong then they could only be wrong in their ignorance... and Marron was making such little sounds, little gasps, little cries... when Carrot pulled back in concern he was only met by a keener sound of protest, and the momentary sadness in Marron's eyes was too terrible to contemplate. He was pulled back by the sudden force of Marron's hands on his shoulders and back as well as his own body longing for warmth again. Warmth. Marron's warmth. Wasn't that what he craved for so many lonely nights? For the body of another to be beside him, to be pressed to him - for him to press to somebody as he was pressing to Marron currently, yes, he'd wanted that. He had that now. He had Marron pressing up against him and he felt almost dizzy somehow; pressing up again and again, what was a movement like that supposed to mean?! Only what he could answer it with. They moved together against each other and Carrot felt a nervous pull within him. Marron would let him do anything. He wouldn't have to have any lonely nights, because if he just asked then Marron would never refuse... Marron would do anything... anything...

 

That thought was almost scary somehow. Carrot realised that, and pulled away from Marron's lips suddenly; he stared at Marron again, who just stared back with equal emotion. Both breathed heavily, Marron's hands still cupped over Carrot's shoulders... Carrot's mind raced.

 

"... Marron..."

 

"... Nii... niisan...?"

 

"... You... you love me... don't you...?"

 

"Of course, niisan."

 

"N-no... not just as a command... I mean... is there anybody else you'd love more than me...?"

 

Feeling an intent need to have Carrot's body close to his own again, Marron shook his head with desperation.

 

"No, niisan...! Nobody, nobody else... I would never... I could never love anybody more than you...!"

 

And there, with a horrible sense of realization, was the answer Carrot had been hoping not to hear. If there really was anybody else that Marron loved so much, then surely he wouldn't be able to easily say something like that... if somebody could lie then alright, but Marron, Carrot knew how hard Marron felt it to lie, and there was no falsehood in the emotion of his tone... Carrot knew how people got when they were in love, when you saw couples going around concentrating on each other and nothing else... if somebody really got into your mind, then they were going to stay there. You wouldn't be able to say you loved somebody else the most if you really loved somebody else, whether as a brother or a lover or anything else... no, Carrot knew that was as straight an answer as he was going to get from Marron. Legs shaking, he pulled himself away from Marron and off of the bed.

 

"Crap."

 

Carrot walked over to the window, and pressed his hands against the windowsill. Nothing much seemed to be happening outside... well, the others were probably still on their mission, and anybody else left around Eden probably had more important things to do inside. Like he did. Carrot looked down at the windowsill itself... he risked a glance over his shoulder. Marron was just staring at him, and he looked so horribly vulnerable... realising that he couldn't look away, Carrot attempted a smile.

 

"Pretty nice of Milphey to carry you back, wasn't it?"

 

"... Mm..."

 

"I guess you'll have to stay in bed for the rest of the day. Probably feeling a bit weird still, huh? I mean, Milphey said you should stay in bed. So there's probably reasons for that. Ha ha ha, I suppose the others are still on their mission, huh? I wonder what kinda mission it is! Big Mama was telling us all about it before Milphey came through, but I wasn't really paying attention... well, I guess it's something those three can handle, Mama wouldn't send them off on something they couldn't manage. Gives you a break, doesn't it? You always work so hard on missions, no wonder you might get stressed or whatever!"

 

"... Mnn..."

 

Carrot turned back to face the window, "Milphey... likes you, doesn't he?"

 

"Ah? Ah... I... I couldn't really say... he likes me as much as he would like anybody else, I think."

 

"I dunno, I think it's more than that. Don't you think he spends a lot of time with you? I always seem to be seeing him going off into that room of yours! Oh, that reminds me, should go check on Mi-chan soon... usually you're in there with him, but you were off wherever you were for the morning, so you weren't... cats can get pretty pissy if you leave them. Maybe I should bring him in here... but yeah, Milphey sure likes spending time with you. It's gotta be said, me and Gateau were a little suspicious..."

 

"... and Gateau, niisan...?"

 

"Mm. I mean, come on... at one point we saw you sharing a bed! I was sure something had happened, weirdly enough it was Gateau who stuck up for you..."

 

"He could only remember what happened the last time he jumped to an immediate conclusion, I suppose."

 

"Yeah. Look, um... Marron?"

 

Marron looked up at Carrot, "Yes niisan?"

 

"Um... I think... I think that maybe... if you're having problems and stuff... those sorts of problems... I think you should try and relax back with Milphey. If that's who you want to be with, I mean. He's always hanging around with you and you're pretty okay with him being around, right? I woulda suggested Gateau, but... we all know how things turned out with him...! No wonder the guy was always so pissy with you, I'd be pretty bitter if I'd been in a relationship with someone and hadn't been able to make them come!"

 

"... Mnn..."

 

Carrot turned around, leaning against the wall. He watched Marron sympathetically, "I really don't get that. I mean... even if it's been random women or hell even Milphey once though don't tell that to anybody at all, things have been good, and I came... I don't see how you can't come if it really feels good! Surely stuff he did to you felt good?"

 

Retaining his quiet tone, Marron shook his head.

 

"It wasn't a case of it feeling good or not feeling good... more a matter of... what I would allow myself to feel... and the things that he bid me feel, they were things I couldn't allow myself."

 

"Why the hell not?! If you're horny then you're horny, what's the problem in that?"

 

"There... there should be no problem. I only created a problem for myself... and now I wonder if there are any that could help me. Milphey tells me that Kahlua may be able to... I would like to hear word from him, to know if he made any kind of advancement..."

 

Carrot's expression was a little sad, "So it's not just 'won't' but 'can't', huh?"

 

"There is a danger within me if I allow myself to go too far."

 

There was a silence in the room as that sunk in. Carrot frowned, wondering just what this problem was, just what kind of cure there could be to such a problem... whatever the problem was, it was stopping Marron from having orgasms. Carrot could only feel pity for Marron in that circumstance - somebody not being able to have orgasms!? What a terrible fate that was! And Marron had brought something like that down on his own shoulders, for some reason... Carrot had a horrible feeling that he was responsible somehow, but he didn't want to raise anything on that subject if Marron didn't. It occurred to his mind that he had just kissed his little brother... he clenched one fist. That was the sort of thing he'd have nightmares about, wasn't it? It was alright to be jealous of those Marron would choose to go after and not consider anybody good enough for him, but...

 

Well, perhaps that wasn't alright. Marron was his own person, and for his own good he needed to have nice normal relationships with people! Carrot remembered a time in the past when he'd thought about how he'd liked that Marron always protected him with such devotion. He couldn't bring himself not to like that, it felt good to have somebody like Marron so worried about him and nobody else, then Marron would often save him and quite a few times Carrot owed Marron his life, but... there was all of that, and it was possible that the effect that that was having on Marron was... undesirable. If he spent all of his waking time with Carrot, thinking about Carrot, protecting Carrot, saving Carrot... if his entire thought process was Carrot then of course he was going to develop some kind of brother-related mania...

 

He'd always liked the fact that Marron lavished so much attention and care on him. He'd never really sat down to think of the psychological effect it might have had upon his apparently impressionable younger brother.

 

If things all worked along the same line, then basically Marron was too preoccupied thinking about his brother to want to think about sex, or anything. Therefore he'd ended up with this bizarre problem where he couldn't have orgasms, and somehow this was Carrot's fault!? In any case, Carrot felt responsible.

 

"Look... I meant it when I said it's okay to think about sex, okay? It's perfectly normal to jerk off, it's perfectly normal to have orgasms, it's even perfectly normal to have weird sexual fantasies. Okay? I mean, some of the dreams I've had I never even want to think about repeating to other people, but... nobody's gotta know...! That's the great thing about it, it all happens in your head, so..."

 

"I... I don't feel that it is enough for me, anymore."

 

"No? Well, go to Gateau, go to Milphey, just ask them to have sex with you, I'm sure they'd agree! Well, I dunno about Gateau. He probably woulda agreed in the past but I don't know about now. Milphey... Milphey'd do anything with consent, I think. Either of them are good though, don't you think? I wish I could have a choice like that!"

 

"... Such a choice... niisan, why would I require something like that? What are you trying to ask of me?"

 

Carrot sighed briefly, "Marron, I... I'd like you to have a normal relationship with somebody. It's gonna be Gateau or Milphey I guess, but... well... most people our age are getting out there and doing a bit of exploration, ya know? People just tend to hit me away, but if it was you... if you went out and tried to pull then you'd probably get a bunch of people before you'd even been out an hour! I mean, I get it if you'd rather not do something like that, but... basically... you're young and you're attractive so use that! It's okay if you just want to have sex with somebody, nobody's going to yell at you if you do..."

 

"I... I wouldn't..."

 

"Hm?"

 

"I... wouldn't want to have sex with only anybody..."

 

"I'm not saying that, I know that! Gateau or Milphey aren't just anybody, are they? You know 'em pretty well, they both liked you... Gateau you'd probably have to have some talkin' with, sort things out, but I'm sure he'd be willing if you were."

 

"B-but niisan... niisan, they aren't... Gateau and Milphey are... not the people who I... not the person... the person who I love, so..."

 

"So? How many people ever get exactly what they want? Rather than sitting around mooning over this true love of yours, why not do a bit of experimentation in the meantime? I'm not gonna make any guesses on who this person is but if you ever got with them or not, I don't think they'd really mind if you'd had sex or not in the past..."

 

Marron stared down at the bed. The situation earlier had been so heated...! For a few glorious moments things had been wonderful, Carrot had had him pinned to the bed and had been kissing him and oh, if they hadn't have stopped... any situation was something like that, but... just then... he'd felt Carrot's warmth, and perhaps Carrot might have realised...

 

This thought made Marron more edgy than anything else. After that, it didn't seem possible that Carrot couldn't have realized, but then again now he was talking about such unrelated things... expressing his desire to see Marron in a nice relationship, a relationship with somebody else... and when it came to that... it wasn't really a case of what anybody else thought, as far as Marron could gather. As far as he knew, it was simply that he didn't want anybody else to see him when he was so preoccupied - he wanted to save that part of him for Carrot and Carrot alone. This didn't take into account what would happen if Carrot didn't want that part, but... that likelihood had never figured into Marron's plans...

 

Of course, for the time being, things were difficult anyway. Even if he did start to go just that bit too far, things became dangerous, he tended to pass out. That wasn't a good sign of anything; perhaps it was a better idea to try to not focus on such things, but then when it came to not thinking about things, Marron primarily tended to revert back to meditation... and that had really been what had caused him his problems in the first place. The sooner he heard back from Kahlua, the better.

 

"Niisan, I..."

 

Carrot looked over at Marron again, and realised that he felt quite far away from Marron, somehow. Not only because they were more or less at opposite sides of the bedroom, but... it suddenly felt like it was a case of so much that was said, but also so little that was said... it was a little scary, and there were things he had to decide without having a rock-solid basis for, but when it was Marron you could never quite be sure... he still wanted to be there for Marron. He still wanted Marron to trust him, still wanted to be somebody Marron looked up to... he just wanted to be able to do things for Marron to look up to in the first place. If he could get Marron into a decent relationship... maybe he didn't see that as something he wanted at the moment, but Carrot was quite sure that Marron would thank him eventually if something did happen. Then the time that Marron had been all uptight because of feelings for Carrot, or whatever? They'd be able to look back at that and laugh, or something. Approaching his bed, Carrot leapt on it and smiled across at Marron.

 

"What is it?"

 

"I..."

 

"You can tell me, right?"

 

"... How would... how would you react... if I were to have sex...?"

 

"I'm not really an important person to ask... you don't have to have my permission for everything, Marron! You're at a rebellious age. Do rebellious things. Don't tell Milphey I said that."

 

That didn't seem like it was a reply Marron had wanted to hear. Carrot softened, "You wanted a better answer for that?"

 

"... If there's one to give."

 

"I dunno, I just get the feeling I gotta be a bit careful about what I say... that is, if I said 'oh my god I'd hate the idea of you having sex I never want you to have it ever ever' then, just because I'd said that, you'd actually never have sex, would you?"

 

Marron didn't reply to that.

 

"... I know you, I know you wouldn't. So, that is... if you had sex? I'd probably be a bit weirded out by it and all, my younger brother having more of a sex life than me... but it'd be more than that, you know? If you were in a good relationship, if you were happy and contented and stuff, then... then I could only be happy for you, even if I was a bit jealous on the side."

 

Carrot added a wink to the end of that, emphasizing the playful nature of his last sentence. That wasn't a lie, Carrot felt he really would be jealous, in some ways... but that wasn't the point. Marron was the point, him and his wellbeing... wasn't it selfish to want Marron all to himself? Especially given their relationship, as it stood. Marron had to have been receiving all kinds of confusing signals... okay to think 'I want him all for myself' but nobody could really be kept in such a way, everybody had desires and wants and needs... even Marron. Carrot felt quite pleased with himself for thinking things like that; weren't those mature thoughts? Wasn't it a selfless thing to try and get Marron to do his own thing at an unknown personal expense? Marron had the potential to be a perfectly normal human being, he just had to be given pushes in the right direction. He had to discover his wants and needs for himself.

 

Staring at his bedsheets, Marron couldn't really concentrate on anything at all. Carrot was continuing on as if nothing had happened, or even worse, like he was ignoring that something had happened... Carrot could be slow sometimes but surely even he had to have realised...! Then to say that he wouldn't love anybody else... that had been more or less spelling it out. That had been when Carrot had changed track of the conversation.

 

Did Carrot know? Had he guessed? Marron felt unsure of Carrot's motives, now. There'd always been a little joy found in previous situations, being able to say and do things and know that Carrot didn't know, couldn't realise... the events of the past little while had had a subtle but permanent effect on things. Marron couldn't be sure of Carrot's ignorance any longer.

 

On the plus side, if Carrot had come to that kind of conclusion, then he hadn't yet run screaming. That had always been Marron's base fear. Then again, maybe he hadn't realised, and that was the reason why he hadn't publicly disowned Marron yet...

 

It was inviting to come right out and ask. However, to ask would be to reveal would be to offer a weak spot to Carrot, a weak spot Carrot could either retain the knowledge of or suddenly attack... and now of course Carrot was all on about the great things about going off with other people, and Marron didn't want to hear things like that. He didn't want to hear Carrot talk about how wonderful things could be with Gateau, how wonderful things could be with Milphey... he didn't want to hear Carrot say that he just wouldn't mind if Marron were to have sex with others...! Marron knew inside that if Carrot were to have a relationship with anybody, even if it were only meaningless, he'd still feel hurt, feel betrayed... even if it were something that could have been seen to have been in the pipes for ages, if Carrot were to somehow take Chocolat up on her flirtation... Marron didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think that he'd end up resenting Chocolat for that but he also couldn't help but know that he would, know that he'd end up hating her for stealing his precious brother away...

 

It seemed that Carrot was determined to send Marron off into that separate world that Gateau had spoken of that time so long ago. So long ago... back at the start of their relationship? Hadn't it been then? The time when Gateau had said about a world of adult relationships, or whatever. Now even Carrot was saying things with similar connotations.

 

Couldn't people just accept that he didn't want to go to such a place?! Carrot could have had the best intentions in the world and Marron accepted that, but when the only place he wanted to remain was at his brother's side...

 

Would Carrot let him stay there?

 

It didn't matter if Carrot said it was alright to have sexual relationships or not. When it came to really thinking about sexual attachments... those weren't really important, were they? Marron had only pursued Gateau (and then ended up with Milphey's interests also) after events involving Carrot. The primary reason for such things at the moment would be to put Carrot out of mind; Marron didn't feel there was any worth to a relationship like that by it's own merits. He had little interest unless Carrot was involved, and then that would make things so different... sex was sex, but if it was with Carrot... and Carrot had been so physically close just a few moments ago... if Marron had held him tighter, if he hadn't let him go... if things had happened...

 

No, but Carrot wouldn't want him like that. Obviously something or other had caused Carrot to get away from the bed. The fact that he'd kissed his brother probably hadn't helped. Had Carrot actually enjoyed that at all...? Marron felt he'd perhaps enjoyed such a spur-of-the-moment thing far too much.

 

More than anything, he wanted some kind of confirmation as to Carrot's feelings. It was nice that Carrot was still being warm and friendly, there were many many worse scenarios running through Marron's mind even to that moment, but... he didn't want to sit and listen to how Carrot would be happy enough to see him go off with somebody else. He wanted Carrot to be maybe a little possessive over him, like he'd been some times in the past. What things could be said that would bring about a positive reaction? Marron felt slightly guilty for his next question, it was quite blatant attention-seeking, but as far as seeking attention went, it did work.

 

"... Niisan..."

 

"Mmm?"

 

"How would you feel if-... ah... that is... if I... if I... died...?"

 

Carrot's expression changed to one of deeper concern, and Marron felt a rush of guilty pleasure for that. Carrot's look softened, and he moved to sit on the edge of his bed. Not lying in the same bed as Marron again, but closer...

 

"Don't say something like that...! Even if stuff is stressing you out and you've got to go to Haz Knights and stuff, nobody says anything bad's gonna happen...! Whatever the problem is, that Kahlua dude'll sort it out fine, I'm sure about it. Besides, if you did die I'd probably turn into Hakaishin and destroy half the world like I almost did that other time, and don't forget who saved me back then, 'cause I haven't!"

 

Marron briefly glanced down at his fingers, a momentary recollection of that time flashing through his mind. Yes, he'd saved Carrot's soul, hadn't he? Chocolat and Tira had been there, but...

 

"Niisan... without taking that into account. Emotionally, how... how would you react...?"

 

"Emotionally, huh?"

 

"Mm."

 

There was still something about Marron that looked terribly fragile somehow; Carrot smiled gently, then reached over Marron's bed to ruffle Marron's hair. Marron pressed his head up at the contact, Carrot was put into mind of how Mi-chan would react at somebody petting his head... did Marron really get that much pleasure from one physical gesture? He let his hand rest on Marron's head as he spoke.

 

"Umm... I'd probably turn into Hakaishin anyway, and destroy half the world in my sadness. How about that?"

 

Destroying half of the world due to something he'd done... the second half of the emotion of the scene could be treasured. Marron closed his eyes, "... I could appreciate an answer such as that..."

 

There was something strange about Marron's whisper. Carrot pulled his hand away from Marron's head; no, something had to be done about his behaviour... it was unquestionably good about how he protected Carrot so much and Carrot had as much interest in his own well-being as Marron did more or less, but protecting was one thing... after all, Tira managed to protect him pretty well in battles and such and as far as Carrot knew it wasn't as if she was driven by insane obsession, was she? If she was, she made a real good job of hiding it. Maybe if Marron could be a bit more like that...

 

While the two of them had been talking, an idea had worked itself into Carrot's head. Maybe it'd work and maybe it wouldn't, but it was worth a go... maybe Gateau and Marron were at slight odds these days, though nobody said it was nothing the two of them couldn't work out if they really talked about it, but when did they ever get a chance to really talk about things?! Maybe Carrot could give them that chance...

 

Marron could only stare as Carrot as he stood up and walked over to the gap between the door of the room and the beds; he watched Carrot as intently as he could and always whenever he could, so why was it that he was watching him now and he couldn't understand him!? He knew Carrot better than Carrot knew himself, surely?! Or at least, Marron liked to think that he did... but it still came down to the fact that, Marron had no idea how Carrot would react if presented so blatantly to such powerful feelings.

 

Given that, perhaps Carrot himself didn't know how he'd react either. Perhaps that was his reaction.

 

More than anything, Marron wanted some sign that perhaps things could be different. Perhaps Carrot would let their relationship be a little more. Maybe even not a lot more, but even a little more was a little bit more than what they had at the moment...! Not that Marron would have complained of that either, but... if Carrot knew how much he could soothe Marron's troubled emotions...

 

"... Niisan?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

The words sounded as awkward as Marron felt as he spoke, but he just had to ask... had to ask something of Carrot...!

 

"... If... if I asked you... to... to embrace me... then... then... would you... refuse me...?"

 

Carrot blinked at Marron. He was asking for a hug, right? He opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, then shook his head slightly.

 

"You wouldn't want someone like me hugging you...!"

 

"... I... I would...!"

 

Trying to ignore the note of desperation in Marron's voice, Carrot shook his head again.

 

"No, I mean-... I think... I think it'd be better if maybe I didn't. Anyway, I'm thirsty, I'm, I'm just going to go and... and... and get a drink. Yeah. Nice cold drink, could really go for one of them right now. I could bring you up one too if you wanted...! Anything in particular you want? I don't know exactly what we've got, but I'm sure I could make some tea too if you wanted me to. I'm not so bad in the kitchen that I can't boil water! You should stay in bed and probably sleep a bit more. You're looking a little tired."

 

No reply to that. Carrot waved good-naturedly as he left the room, walking proudly out, shutting the door behind him, deflating once he stood in the corridor. He took a deep breath. Right, a drink. Marron hadn't asked for anything but Carrot sure as hell felt like he needed one. Why was there no alcohol in easy reach in Eden... sighing, Carrot made his way down along the corridor to the staircase. As well as getting a drink, there was also his primary purpose...

 

Back in the bedroom, Marron could only stare up at the ceiling.

 

So Carrot thought it best not to even touch him now?

 

What did that mean?

Perhaps things had been moving too quickly for Carrot. Maybe he'd come to some kind of conclusion, and didn't know what to do next. He'd bolted because he was unsure. He'd come back soon, perhaps bearing drinks, and be more willing to... to...

 

To sit down and talk about things?

 

To really realise things...?

 

Marron leant his wrist over his eyes. What part of him was it that always hoped for a positive reaction? For Carrot to come back and say he'd figured things out and he was fine with them? What kind of comforting illusion always brought that back up in his mind? Too often he considered the alternatives. Carrot denouncing him as being a sick and twisted little bastard, lusting after his own brother... Carrot was a generally kind and reasonable type of person most of the time, but that didn't stop Marron worrying.

 

Then there was another line that often sprung from that train of thought. Carrot would denounce him as being sick and twisted. Marron could only agree to that. There wouldn't be any clothes. Marron would get the chance to prove just how sick and twisted he was, Carrot would ask to watch such things and oh, Marron would do anything that Carrot asked...! It'd be sick and twisted and wrong, but Carrot would touch him and neither would care... it'd be wrong in the rightest way, and...

 

And all that about somebody who, at the moment, wouldn't even hug him. Marron rolled onto his side, staring blankly across at the cabinet next to his bed.

 

Either nothing much at all had changed, or everything had changed in a quiet kind of way. Marron closed his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have sucked Carrot's fingers like that, though it had seemed quite a delicious idea at the time... Carrot hadn't resisted or refused, or anything...

 

Carrot had kissed him...! That couldn't be seen as nothing!

 

What if Carrot knew that more things had happened in the past... what if he was told of such things... would he want to listen? Would he become agreeable for what had unquestionably passed between them? Would he be surprised, scared? Happy? Might he accuse Marron of lying? But surely Carrot realised how impossible that was for him...

 

Whatever could be thought of or done, none of it helped while in an otherwise empty room.

 

If Carrot had just hugged him then it would have been just a little better... he would have been able to feel the warmth of Carrot's body, be at least able to imagine it for those few seconds even if only for that time...

 

Earlier on had been so much more heated...

 

Marron rolled over onto his front, his arms tightly folded to his shoulders. He wouldn't allow himself masturbation, but so desperately he wished for Carrot's warmth... and if he only had his own and his imagination to form that from, well, that couldn't be helped. Imagination and memory was better than nothing at all...

 

Downstairs, Carrot had reached the main hall. Big Mama stood there as she tended to do so... she noticed Carrot, she smiled.

 

"Is Marron alright now?"

 

"Ah, ah, yeah, he... he woke up, he seems better now. A bit flustered maybe but, um, yeah, fine."

 

"Are you alright, Carrot?"

 

"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? Um..."

 

"You seem to have something on your mind."

 

Carrot walked until he stood directly in front of Big Mama.

 

"Well, uh... maybe I do, just a bit..."

 

"Is it something you wanted to talk to me about?"

 

A nod, "Y-yeah. There's, um... if I can... I want to put in a request for a mission."

 

That seemed something unusual for Carrot to want to do, but if that was what was on his mind then Big Mama could only smile and agree with him. The Sorcerer Hunters had their work that they had to do, and then if there was work they wanted to do, that was only a bonus...

 

As it turned out, the kind of mission that Carrot requested, Big Mama managed to find a client for. A few days after the request, the mission came through.