Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Perpetual Thoughts ❯ The Required People ( Chapter 22 )

Despite the feelings attached, three days were really only three days, and in the end, Marron and Gateau returned to Eden with little fanfare.

 

The trip to the hot springs had indeed been quite enjoyable, and those left behind at Eden had indeed been quite eager to hear about what it had been like, how the layered springs had worked, how many people there were, what the scenery was like... Gateau especially was happy enough to tell everybody of how things had gone on. Marron remained quiet and spoke little of the mission. It wasn't as if he hadn't enjoyed it - the mission in Yuessis could have been more interesting, but when it came to relaxation there were few better places perhaps even on the entire Continent, from what especially Tira and Chocolat were saying...

 

Marron had been content enough to listen to the Misu sisters and their excitement, but when it came to the person he really wanted to see... well, Carrot was there, of course. It had only been three days, to presume that something disastrous would happen in such a space of time was to be presuming the worst of a situation... nobody really spoke of anything that had happened while Marron and Gateau had been away. They had of course only been back for half a day or so - they'd returned back to Eden quite late, they'd slept, they'd woken up - and Tira and Chocolat seemed more intent on finding out how Kaesis had been, and Carrot seemed to have little to say about anything...

 

When they had originally returned during the night, Marron had wondered if Carrot would have anything to say as he returned to the bedroom... but by the time Marron set foot inside the room, Carrot was already comfortably asleep. Marron had carried out his nightly rituals as quietly as he could manage, supposing that waking up Carrot wouldn't be worth it, anything that needed to be said could be said in the morning.

 

That promise to himself hadn't stopped him from watching Carrot while he slept, just for a short while. After coming back from the bathroom, Marron had stood between his own and Carrot's beds, just considering... sleep was important and after such a long (and uneventful) journey home, sleep had been all he could think of... he was sure he would have tried to sleep on the carriage back, had the road not been so bumpy and the noise of travel so loud... for all the conversation that he and Gateau had had, he may as well have slept. Gateau hadn't had much more to say to Marron after the time they'd spent in the hot springs; Marron had fallen silent after that, Gateau didn't want to provoke anything complicated or accusing from Marron, and so had reverted back to atmospheric comments about how nice the water was, how calm the night was, how nice the stars were, et cetera. Admittedly the atmosphere had been a nice one, even Marron could have realised that, but it felt safer to realise it to himself, to keep his feelings to his heart for just a few hours longer. Gateau could not be such a target, Marron knew he couldn't speak too firmly on his thoughts for fear of accusation.

 

So having spent most of that mission wondering about Carrot, it seemed almost surreal to come back home and be presented only with his sleeping face. Between sleeping himself and watching Carrot for just a few moments before sleep overtook him, Marron chose the latter; knelt by Carrot's bed, watching his face only vaguely illuminated by the far-off moonlight... the moon shone in through the bedroom window, but not directly onto Carrot. The room couldn't be dark, unless the curtains were drawn... Carrot hadn't drawn the curtains. Perhaps he had a preference for sleeping with the moonlight shining in...? More likely he'd just forgotten to draw them before sleep. Marron felt he should have drawn them himself, but then, his brother's sleeping form...

 

Carrot looked just so innocent. After the somewhat fractious feelings of previously... he could still justify his feelings to himself, wonder just when his feelings had grown so much in their intensity, wonder when it had become so painful sometimes... but then there were also moments like that, quiet moments, gentle moments... perhaps Carrot was asleep and so unable to notice, but just for that moment, nothing more could be described further than the most simple level; daring himself slightly, Marron had reached out to touch Carrot's face, stroke his cheek while he slept. He could only think "I love him", and while Carrot was unable to agree, disagree or even react, there was no argument against that. No question.

 

The morning had eventually arrived, and had brought with it little worth mentioning. Carrot had seemed pleasantly surprised to find Marron there in the morning, and for once the Glacé brothers had both woken up at around the same time as each other. Marron found his morning tasks interspersed by interrogation from his brother. Primarily Carrot was concerned with matters of the mission, how did it go, was it difficult, was it okay to spend time somewhere else like that, such things... then it had moved on to matters of Gateau, had it been okay to take a mission like that with him, he'd been okay hadn't he, he hadn't tried anything strange had he, had anything happened...? Marron could only reply that nothing of that kind had happened, and he'd quietly thrown Carrot's words back at him, saying that he hadn't had an orgasm during the mission and he hadn't really been trying for one over that time, either. Carrot had glanced away, admitting that perhaps suggesting something like that had been something said on the spur of the moment.

 

Even Marron had been aware that he'd been somewhat harried when he'd said that the mission had been 'fine'... Carrot didn't press the point, but there was at least a look in his eyes which seemed to work out that things hadn't been as nice as they could have been. Despite the obvious deception in their language, Marron was glad for Carrot's respective silence. He didn't want to explain how he'd spent most of the mission in a Carrot-induced haze. Looking back on it, the entire three-day stint seemed somewhat blurry... he remembered the physical acts of going to Yuessis, going to Kaesis, the things that they'd done there... but the primary frustration of that mission had been his feelings for Carrot. Knowing nothing could be done about them while in some obscure town across the Continent. Wondering if anything could be done on his return. Wondering, wondering, only able to wonder... as it was, Carrot seemed little different to return to, but that was somewhat relieving in itself.

 

Marron didn't raise the point of Carrot's denial those few nights ago. Probably Carrot had already forgotten about something like that. Maybe he had just not been in the mood. Gateau's words had echoed in Marron's ears, but to randomly hug Carrot like that...? Marron never felt that he had the chance. If he ever did, would he want to take it up? It'd surely only confuse Carrot...

 

Currently, Marron was in his small study, knelt on the floor in front of the bookcase beneath the main window. Not that his books really needed to be sorted, he kept them in perfect order as a matter of practise, but... it seemed a while since he'd last been able to just sit and casually leaf through some of his books. He wasn't quite in the mood to see anybody, wasn't quite in the mood to lock himself away anywhere. His door was open, and looking at books was something to do.

 

At one point, Milphey glanced into the room. Only for a moment, only to confirm that Marron was indeed in the room, and then he skipped off quickly back to the direction of his bedroom. Mi-chan had hopped off from the windowsill on seeing Milphey, but Marron himself hadn't noticed. Involved in reading a particularly nostalgic passage on sealing magic, Marron had been quite preoccupied. He didn't notice Milphey's presence until he returned a few minutes later, an item in hand (and hidden behind his back). The sound of Milphey closing the door was what alerted Marron, in the end.

 

"Ah-?... Ah, Milphey. Good morning."

 

"Good morning, Marron-chan! So, I hear you and Gateau-chan spent a nice time in that Kaesis place! It's certainly been a while since I was there. How is it now? I hear it went a lot more commercial..."

 

"It was quite pleasant, yes. Gateau would be more somebody to ask, though... he was telling Tira and Chocolat quite enthusiastically about our detour to that place."

 

Milphey placed the object he'd been carrying down on the floor, out of sight. He sat in front of it, pulling his knees to his chest then idly kicking his feet out.

 

"Oh, but I want to ask you about it! Don't you have any kind of opinion on somewhere you visited? Even if you and Gateau-chan experienced the exact same things, there would be a few inches difference to your point of view, don't you agree? So, I want to hear what Marron-chan thought about the springs. I can always find Gateau-chan and ask him later, can't I?"

 

Placing the book he'd been reading down to the side, Marron faltered slightly. How many ways were there to describe how it had been? Looking up at Milphey's expectant and smiling face, he was reminded of a different memory. He glanced to the side, unable quite to look at Milphey as he spoke, but... the truth was the truth and he knew he should show gratitude when he felt it, even if it was a little embarrassing to say... Marron's voice was quiet as he spoke.

 

"... I..."

 

"Mmm?"

 

"... I... missed you, Milphey."

 

There was a slight pause, primarily as those words sunk in to Milphey's realisation. Marron had... missed him? Even while only away on a three-day mission? He felt confused and amused both at once, and he could only be overtaken by Marron's sheer cute as his eyes momentarily darted a glance back... on catching Marron's line of sight, Milphey smiled warmly.

 

"You did...?"

 

"M-mm."

 

"Why would Marron-chan miss somebody like me, I wonder..."

 

Again, Marron seemed to find it impossible to directly address Milphey as he spoke.

 

"I... wished for your company."

 

Milphey's tone was sympathetic, "Well... sometimes, even in a crowded and popular place, it can feel lonely. Though, wasn't Gateau-chan there? Surely it was alright to be somewhere with him...? I know he's perhaps not your initial choice for such a holiday, but..."

 

At that point, Marron did look up at Milphey.

 

"I can't speak to him as I can speak to you."

 

"No...? Well... I suppose that's understandable, isn't it? Hmmn, Marron-chan needed somebody to talk to? We could talk now, if you wanted... I'm not doing anything else if you're not."

 

Marron shook his head, "It's... it's alright now Milphey, thank you. I... my mood could only become fractious while on that mission. I... I found myself wondering and worrying quite deeply on... those thoughts which I could not dissuade myself from... Gateau kept noticing that there was something 'wrong' with me, that I was more quiet than he usually found me, that I had a 'sad' expression... but how much could I tell him, Milphey? How many of my feelings could I truly express? That which I did say was ambiguous... he couldn't give me a satisfying reply..."

 

"You were worried about Carrot-chan...?"

 

"Worried about him... worried about my connections to him... however, I-..."

 

To Milphey's slight surprise, Marron attempted a small smile.

 

"... I woke up in quite an agreeable mood this morning. I... perhaps should not wish to recall that which moved me during that mission in quite so much detail. I wouldn't want to risk my mood devolving further. Outside of that... the hot springs were indeed nice, but I don't know how much further I could describe them... I cannot know how they were when you last visited, but they were indeed quite popular. The hotel in which Gateau and I slept was quite impressive... indeed, if the journey were not so long I may be tempted to travel there myself, someday."

 

Milphey smiled, "Well, if Marron-chan was preoccupied during that time and still enjoyed it just a little, I'll have to take him there some other time when he's in a better mood. Once you're familiar with a place, you can only enjoy it further, right? We'll leave it a couple of months, but I'm sure I could persuade Mama down there into jetting us over to Kaesis. If it's in the name of vital relaxation for her poor dear stressed Sorcerer Hunters, she could only agree! Right?"

 

"Ah... Gateau wondered what it may be like were the others to join us. The mixed hot springs... I would not wish for my brother nor Chocolat to gain access to such a place... I would not wish to endure knowledge of either of their actions."

 

"No no, I mean, you and me go to Kaesis! Just us! Don't need those others around, do we? I'm sure I could argue a convincing case about how you're so much more stressed than the others are, and about how I wanted to treat you so of course it's natural I'd go with you... wouldn't that be fun?"

 

"Ah... you... and I?"

 

"Sure! I'd like to see how Kaesis is now, and-... come on, you don't need an excuse to want to go to a hot spring. They're one of the greatest joys in life! I mean, in what other context can you hang around with so many naked people for the purpose of pleasure and relaxation? Maybe a swimming pool, but then you're supposed to be more occupied with swimming, and if you go naked to those places you get kicked out. Oh, and an orgy I suppose, that's all about the naked and the pleasure, but you don't get many of those these days, more's the pity... but yes, hot springs!"

 

In reply to that, Marron only stood up; Milphey remained on the floor but looked up, "Marron-chan?"... Marron's only reply was to fall back into a kneel in front of Milphey, then to lean forward and wrap his arms around Milphey's shoulders. A random hug... but at least for somebody who might appreciate something like that. Milphey wasn't sure what prompted such a thing, but Marron seemed to be holding him quite securely indeed... he could only smile and wrap his arms around Marron's back and waist in return.

 

They remained like that for a few minutes. Marron, eyes closed, wondered if perhaps that was long enough... how long did a hug last for, anyway? However, Milphey seemed quite content to just stroke against Marron's back... little actions like that kept Marron in position. Milphey was obviously occupied, and... it wasn't as if it was unpleasant, either.

 

If Milphey pressed his head against Marron's own, it nudged his nose against Marron's hair. He shifted lower, down between hair and neck... he took a deep breath, able to faintly sense Marron's own scent. Only very faint, but in turn, quite intoxicating... the urge to lean in for a pressing kiss against Marron's soft skin was nearly overwhelming, but Milphey caught himself in time. What kind of hug was that? A platonic hug? Nice as the things that could lead from hugs and kisses could be, if Marron was in a good mood than he didn't want to disturb or confuse the boy any. The simple physical closeness could be, and was, for that moment, enough.

 

"... I'd like that."

 

Marron's voice was again a whisper. For a moment, Milphey couldn't work out just what he was implying - then he remembered. The offer to go to the hot springs, for them to go together... well, if Marron thought he'd like something like that, then there wasn't any argument. They'd have to go together, someday. Hopefully someday soon. Milphey found himself looking forward to such a trip before he'd even thought of it too much.

 

Suddenly, around the moment that Marron softly opened his eyes, Marron's body tensed and pulled away from Milphey. When he fell back into his kneel, he looked quite shocked.

 

"Ge-... eh...!?"

 

"Haa? Marron-chan?"

 

For a moment Marron seemed genuinely speechless, only able to indicate towards Milphey's right shoulder. Milphey frowned, looking down at his indicated bodypart... he glanced over his shoulder, and then realised.

 

"Hn? Hmn... nn- oh! Ohh! Ahahaha! Yes, I can see how that'd be just a little bit shocking. Here, let's get it over here... I'd almost forgotten about it! That was why I came here in the first place! I meant to show it to you. Been looking for it for ages, since I mentioned it to you that time! I knew it was in my bedroom somewhere, but I hadn't been sure just where... ended up being at the back of my wardrobe, I don't know how it got there. Probably wanted to hide it from Cinnamon. Anyway! What do you think?"

 

The item that Milphey had been hiding since he'd entered the room turned out to be, in fact, a large dildo. A large one. Too big for Milphey to wrap the fingers of one hand around, and surely too long to be considered realistic... Milphey held it forth with a triumphant smile on his face, and Marron just stared. What kind of thing was that for somebody to own!? Why did Milphey own it?! More to the point, why had he wanted to show something like that to Marron in the first place!? Marron continued to just stare at it. Milphey opened his eyes.

 

"Well?"

 

"Ah, ah, ah... it... it's... it's big...?"

 

"Haha, yes. Yes, it is, isn't it? I don't even know if the shop I bought it from still exists, it was a long time ago, but... I think it was the largest one they had, anyway. Not really sure what it's made out of, either... see, it's not hard like wood, but it's not really very flexible, either... oh, oh yes. Did I bring the key for it... ah, pocket pocket pocket... here, here we are. See, this goes in here, you wind it up a bit..."

 

Milphey did so, the sound of a mechanism being wound up vaguely audible. When he removed the key, the object suddenly started to shake somewhat erratically in Milphey's hand. Marron still gaped, Milphey still smiled.

 

"See, didn't I say I had a toy? Though, I think it might be a bit... it might be better to not wind it up much, I think it may have been a little, ah, how should I put it, overused. If you knew somebody else who had one you could race them across the floor, I did, we did, it was great fun! Mi-chan would probably be amused by it too, actually. See look, he's watching pretty intently as it is... here, hold it!"

 

Finding the vibrator almost pushed into his hands, Marron held it before it quite dawned on him what he was doing. He stared down at the thing; it shook quite powerfully, the mechanism working itself back down... but in all honesty, that was the only word that Marron could think of to describe such a thing, that it was big. It certainly was that. Suddenly realising how incriminating it'd be for somebody to walk in and find him holding such a thing, Marron looked up quickly at Milphey.

 

"W-why...!?"

 

"Why what, Marron-chan?"

 

"Why... why would you want to show me... something like that?!"

 

"Well, I remembered it, I remembered that I hadn't used it in a while... oh, don't worry, I washed it very very carefully and completely after I found it. Don't worry about that. But, I just thought it'd be something you could perhaps... practise with!"

 

"... Practice...?"

 

"Mm! After all... I mean, I won't lie to you, anal sex can hurt, and it can be quite strange if it's not something you're used to... some people take to it more than others, it's like anything, really. I know you may not be planning anything with anybody anytime soon, but it never hurts to practise something, does it? Wouldn't hurt to get used to how it feels, in any case. You wouldn't try out a new spell on the battlefield before practising it a lot in the garden would you? Some people even say it's bad to masturbate, but I don't know... again, it's better you know what your body likes before jumping in bed with somebody else, I think. Sooo, I thought you could take that back to the bedroom with you, maybe have a go with it. Though you may want some kind of lubricant... I'm sure you've got plenty of things you could use in your bathroom, but I could also just go out and buy some if you really didn't want to use anything in there..."

 

As Milphey rambled on, the mechanism wound itself out, and the dildo lay still in Marron's hands. He just stared at it, as if half-expecting it to jump at him... he couldn't quite believe Milphey had just leant him something like that. Something like that! A... a... a sex toy! What kind of person owned things like that anyway...!?

 

Though, looking up at Milphey... thinking about him, the things that interested him, the things that excited him... it was barely surprising, really. Just that he would lend such things to other people...!

 

"... oh look, it ran out. As I said, you may not want to bother winding it up too much... it's a little bit noisy, and really, it can be a two-person job to keep it going, sometimes... it's pretty damn frustrating when you're right on the edge and suddenly it's run out, you really need somebody else on standby to get ready to wind it up! Of course, I could always be on your standby, if you wanted... I wouldn't mind!"

 

"... I... I could... I could never get... something like... that... inside... inside of... me! It's so large..."

 

"You'd be surprised, actually. It seems pretty monstrous, but when it comes to biological sorts of things, we've got pretty stretchy muscles down there. Believe me, I've been stretched a lot. Of course it's going to hurt more if you don't lubricate properly, but you've always got time for that, haven't you?"

 

"H-... haa..."

 

"It's not going to be exactly like what sex is like, that thing's harder than a real one would be and of course it's quite a bit bigger, then there are feelings and emotions and, you know, an actual person attached to it, but... when it comes to just giving it a physical go, it's good for that. And I mean, it's not like you can't make it feel good just with that, you know? I... I know it's difficult for you to get that far, Marron-chan... but perhaps if you had something a little different to do during masturbation, it might distract you from having strange fits, mightn't it? I can understand how you might be on your guard with somebody else around, how you might be unwilling, but... if it's only you... you've jerked off before, haven't you? It's not like it's something totally alien."

 

"Ahh... i-indeed..."

 

Milphey stood up, "So! You can keep that for as long as you want to borrow it, as I said, I hadn't used it for ages, it was in my wardrobe. Do you want the key, too? It actually has a small door here... see, on the underside. The key clips in there, just so you don't lose it. Okay?"

 

"Ah... hah..."

 

"You're quite speechless, all of a sudden! Did it really shock you that much?"

 

"I... I was quite... surprised..."

 

"Seems like it! So anyway, what have you got planned for the rest of the day? I mean, maybe we could go somewhere, if you wanted to... if you had something planned then that's alright too, but... well, whatever you want to do. What do you want to do?"

 

Somehow, Milphey was unable to shake the memory of Marron saying that he'd missed him out of his mind. He'd missed him. He'd missed him. He still wondered what that meant. Naturally he'd missed Marron himself a little, but some days they really didn't see an awful lot of each other, compared to some days it didn't seem so unusual to not see Marron for a while... and he was on a mission, so there was at least a reason there. Milphey trusted Marron to come home safely from something like that, it wasn't as if Big Mama would purposefully send Sorcerer Hunters out on missions she thought were too difficult...

 

Given that Marron could indeed be so silent when he wished to be, what was it that moved his tongue to show emotion that time? Nobody said that he had to say anything. Milphey wished to prove himself in any way possible - be able to be there to talk to Marron, be able to be there to do fun things with Marron... just to be up for anything Marron wanted to do. Marron had missed him! He had to make up for the time they hadn't been together, even if it was only a matter of days.

 

"Ah... well... I had been going to just finish sorting out these books... then I'd hoped to move to the garden to be able to practice some of my magic. Nothing that you would find too interesting..."

 

Milphey's expectation fell slightly, but he bounced back with a smile.

 

"That's alright, that's alright! If you change your mind and do want to go somewhere, I'll just be easily around Eden if you want to find me. Anyway, I won't stay here distracting you, I... had somebody I wanted to go and talk to. But as I said, I should be easily around Eden if you want to find me, so don't worry."

 

"Ah, y-yes."

 

Watching Milphey, he was already advancing toward the door. He opened it, he stood there momentarily, and also Mi-chan spotted a chance for freedom and shot out between Milphey's legs. Marron had held Milphey's eyesight for a moment... this was broken as Milphey leant out from the doorframe to look at where the cat had run to, he turned back to the room with a smile.

 

"Well, you can't keep him in a room like this all day. It'll be good for him to stretch his legs... maybe catch some mice..."

 

"... M-Milphey...?"

 

"Yeeeis, Marron-chan?"

 

Still holding the dildo, Marron lifted it slightly to indicate it. He seemed embarrassed as he spoke, still blushing faintly and not quite able to look Milphey in the eye as he spoke.

 

"Ah... for this... um... t-thank you..."

 

You always had to show gratitude if somebody did something nice for you or if somebody gave you something, after all. Such things had been ingrained upon Marron from childhood. Milphey leant against the doorframe, his arms folded.

 

"That's quite alright, I just thought it might be useful..."

 

"U-un... something like that... could perhaps... perhaps help where... where an actual person is unable... and... it's something you thought of because you wished to help me... so... so... thank you..."

 

Milphey's smile was that bit warmer, "It's no problem. Ahaha, perhaps you could give it a little go once I've gone...? Lock yourself away, no missions for today, nobody's going to notice if you lock your door..."

 

A wink, "... Wouldn't hurt to try it, would it? Knock yourself out."

 

"Ah..."

 

That was followed by a brief pause, then a slightly apologetic look, "Actually, don't do that. That's the exact opposite to what we want to have happen, isn't it?"

 

Marron could only smile in return, "I know what you mean, Milphey."

 

"Haha... yes. Well, I'll leave you alone now...!"

 

Trying to act suddenly as quietly as possible, Milphey backed out of the room and carefully shut the door behind him. Once it was shut, he stared at it for a few moments... hopefully such a thing might be able to help Marron. He and Kahlua could do all that was in their power to try to help the boy, but if he wasn't willing to at least try to help himself, then one had to argue just how much help they'd be able to give... perhaps it was something a bit abrupt to give to Marron suddenly, but if somebody had something like that, surely even just mere curiosity would dictate that they would want to at least try it. For now, Marron could only be left to his own devices. Milphey turned on his heel, heading off down the south side of the corridor. That was Marron seen to... but he couldn't help but have a slight curiosity as to how Gateau had experienced things on the mission. It wouldn't hurt to visit him.

 

Back in the small room, Marron's books lay ignored for a short while. Milphey gone, Marron could still only just stare at the dildo... Milphey had implied him use it immediately? Marron wasn't too sure about that. It seemed the kind of thing that would, as Milphey had said, require lubricant and therefore at least a bit of preparation... Marron didn't know if he'd easily be able to find something suitable and explain why he was carrying it off to his private room to anybody who might have met him along the way. It'd be better to perhaps wait until the night, when at least he could walk around with a degree of privacy... and besides, there wasn't any rush, Milphey probably didn't want him to hurry into anything.

 

As for the time being... what to do with it?! It would certainly be a talking point of any room that it was in, but Marron didn't know how willing he'd be to admit to anybody who noticed it just why or how he came into possession of something like that... what if the Misu sisters were to come in? What if they were to see something like that? Or Carrot, Carrot'd probably be shocked at something perverted like that... well, anybody would be...

 

Marron glanced around the room, trying to think of somewhere where he could hide the thing. There didn't seem to be anywhere in that room where it could be hidden... essentially the room was just a large roughly circular floor area with benches to the side and then bookcases... it couldn't really be hidden on a bookcase, and while it could be perhaps hidden on the windowsill behind a curtain, nobody said that somebody wouldn't come in, pull the curtains back, see... or, even worse, that it wouldn't be visible from outside...! Then there was also the matter of Mi-chan, he'd probably think it something new and interesting to play with, and Marron would only notice it gone after it was rolling down the corridor, accompanied by a mad feline...

 

A sigh. Just where did people keep embarrassing things...?

 

Milphey had said he'd found it in his wardrobe...

 

Perhaps in the bedroom? That seemed a theoretically sensible idea. The wardrobe was shared between the two Glacé brothers, so that wasn't really a choice... they did own separate drawers in the chest beside the wardrobe for their clothes, though. Marron himself rarely if ever looked at Carrot's clothes, surely the opposite would have to be true... perhaps it could be safe if hidden beneath robes and socks and other benign things? Or perhaps under the bed... under the mattress, under the pillow, in his bedside cabinet... the bedroom at least seemed to offer more places to hide something than the study room did. Marron stood up, holding the dildo firmly in his hands and then shifting his hands up his robesleeves so that nothing was immediately visible... he left the room, checking to make sure nobody else was along the corridor, and headed over to his and Carrot's bedroom.

 

To his relief, when he got there, he found it empty. Carrot was presumably out somewhere else. He hadn't said he'd be going anywhere... perhaps he was just around Eden? There was little concern if he'd even gone out to Facade, it wasn't as if Marron could keep tabs on Carrot's whereabouts all the time.

 

Well. He could, but when it was only Facade and Eden, it seemed being just a little too suspicious to place Spinner Traces on Carrot if he was only going out to the garden, a little too eager to show up immediately if Carrot had had a minor mishap in the town... while it was their home territory, he had to lend Carrot just a little trust. Despite his manner, Marron didn't want to appear as being entirely overbearing from Carrot's point of view.

 

So. Where in the bedroom could one hide a large dildo... Marron walked over to the chest of drawers. The top two belonged to him, the bottom two belonged to Carrot. He pulled the top one out; folded robes and smaller items of clothing. The second one contained nightshirts... mm, probably be better to go for the second drawer. Marron sat the dildo on top of the chest as he looked through the drawers.

 

Given the amount of clothes in there, Marron didn't know if it'd be easy to disrupt them so suddenly to place something at the bottom... if nothing else, it'd create a strange lump, wouldn't it? Would the drawers then shut properly... well, it'd probably only be a matter of re-arranging the clothes... would that not take a little while? Though, he also had little else to do... and then, nobody said that he had to hide the thing in the drawers, he hadn't yet gone over to his bed to see if that was a possibility yet, either...

 

Marron felt a momentary inexplicable pull of curiosity. He was in front of the chest of drawers. Those bottom two drawers contained Carrot's clothes. Carrot never looked through his own clothing (as far as he was aware), he never looked through Carrot's... usually both brothers would be in the room, and what point was there in something like that? The Misu sisters probably had a lot of fun trying on each other's clothes, but that was something neither Marron or Carrot had an active interest in... however... Marron found himself opening the third drawer down, just to see what was in there.

 

The clothes in there were folded more neatly than Marron would have given Carrot credit for. Various tanktops and similar tops, folded in piles... those were ones he hadn't worn in a while. The ones he wore most often he kept in the wardrobe to be able to find them more quickly when getting dressed... ah, there was that one with the triangle pattern along the collar...! Marron carefully pulled it from where it had been underneath a few others. He held it out in front of him, let it fall unfolded... a tanktop was a tanktop, but then again, Marron was quite sure that that had been the one that Carrot had worn that time... a time long ago... when he'd looked at Marron with such hatred...

 

Expression falling slightly, Marron carefully folded the tanktop back up, replaced it back on the pile of clothing. Next to those were a few pairs of folded trousers... some socks... a couple of vests, even. Carrot never wore them, but Marron sometimes thought it'd be a good idea for him to, especially when it was colder... but no, Carrot just didn't like wearing vests with tanktops.

 

The bottom drawer held a pile of nightshirts, then some other items of clothing that Carrot barely ever wore. Some jumpers were in there, as well as some tidier shirts... they weren't exactly Carrot's fashion, but they were there for if he needed them, really. There was a random pair of gloves tucked in between the piles, and then there was Carrot's underwear. Marron shook his head - what was he doing, randomly looking at his brother's clothes like that? There was little reason for it. Marron made to close the drawer, his eyes lingering as he did so. He paused.

 

Fortunate clothing... clothing which could hang all day over Carrot's shoulders and be unnoticed... fortunate clothing that could hang to Carrot's hips, hold him snugly, hold him tightly, hold him all day and be only commended for their created task... Marron pressed a hand to the pile of nightshirts. Carrot wore those at night, didn't he? While he slept... and before he slept... before that time, what things did he do...? How many of those clothes held the memory of Carrot's flushed desperation? How many robes had clung to him in their restriction, making Carrot feel hotter than his feelings would bid him feel? Would he rip those clothes from his body, or would he keep them on...?

 

There was no excuse for Marron then running his hand to that last pile. Boxer shorts and briefs, it seemed... oh, wicked clothing. To be able to exist only for the purpose of clothing Carrot's crotch. What a duty...! Marron picked the topmost pair of boxer shorts up, they were red.

 

To experience a day as just one fibre in those shorts...

 

Being in that drawer, the items within could only smell freshly-laundered or of the small clove pouches Marron would place in for their fragrance... just the physical motion made Marron blush, then stop again to really think about what he was doing, about what he'd just done...

 

There was no justification. He really was unavoidably perverted, wasn't he...? Feeling somewhat shameful, Marron carefully folded the boxers back into their original position, put them back into the drawer, closed it with a finalistic push.

 

No wonder he never looked in Carrot's clothes drawers; could he really be trusted to do so even occasionally? Eden held a strong ethic of doing one's own laundry... Marron felt a guilty rush, he wouldn't mind doing Carrot's, really he wouldn't... but even Carrot could do a small task like that, and once they were washed and dried there was nothing to separate his recent clothing from those in the drawer. Only holding the memories, but washed of any scent that might be of Carrot...

 

Marron stepped away from the chest of drawers. Just what was he thinking!? He was letting his thoughts run away with him. What kind of pervert drew thrills from unwashed clothes...!? He closed his eyes, feeling guilty.

 

At that point, the door opened. Marron glanced up to realise he'd been joined in the room by Carrot. He looked back to the drawers in the second it took to turn around, and then he realised, the dildo was still sitting there. He made a hasty grab for it and held it tightly between his robesleeves, smiling far too brightly as he turned fully around to acknowledge Carrot.

 

"AH! Niisan! Niisan! How are you!"

 

"Hnmh? I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? Just had a nap outside. It's pretty sunny outside, ended up sleeping for a bit more than I wanted to but I guess if I catch up on sleep that's not a bad thing, right? Thought I'd come back and, well... Chocolat lent me some books to read, so I thought I could catch up on them. How about you? You up to anything interesting?"

 

"No, no no no... I was just... looking... at clothes. To wear. For tomorrow. To make sure there were enough. In case any needed to be washed."

 

"Over there? But we always put washed clothes into the drawers..."

 

"Ha ha ha ha, yes... but just in case..."

 

"Just in case of what...? Marron, you're acting awfully weird all of a sudden. What's that you've got there?"

 

There wasn't any way to hide the fact that he was quite obviously holding something beneath his robesleeves. Despite that, Marron tried.

 

"Oh, nothing, nothing, I don't... have anything..."

 

Carrot walked over to his bed and jumped on it, rolling onto his back and staring across at Marron, "You'd be standing so awkwardly if you weren't carrying something? Hehehe... is it something embarrassing? Did Gateau give you a thong again? Maybe it's a... hmn, maybe it's a love letter! Did somebody give my little brother a love letter?"

 

"N-nothing like that!", which was true. However, Carrot seemed to have worked the idea into his head...

 

"Oh, come on. You're blushing! What else would you get that you'd be trying to hide in a drawer like that...? I bet it's a love letter. I bet someone sent it to you in the post... ooh, a secret admirer! Maybe you've got a shy little stalker. Better keep your eye out when you're next in the city, Marron! You never know who might LEAP AT YOU!"

 

Suddenly, Carrot made a leap of his own at Marron, launching himself from his bed, aiming for the arms, trying to grab whatever it was that Marron was holding. Realising Carrot's impending impact a half-second before he actually did, Marron managed to swing his arms away from Carrot's grabbing hands, but little else. Carrot ended up grabbing around Marron's waist then standing up, shifting to move behind Marron... if nothing else, Carrot seemed clearly amused by the situation. Marron continually tried to move away from Carrot, to keep his hands covered... Carrot was laughing, jumping and grabbing, causing Marron to move across the room... they ended up at the edge of Marron's bed, Marron holding his hands in the air, the edges of his robesleeves tightly held between his fingers. Carrot kept making little leaps to try to grab at Marron's hands, laughing while he did so... then he realised another angle he could work from.

 

"Ya know..."

 

"N-niisan, I... I really don't want you to see..."

 

"Come on, it can't be that embarrassing, can it? I'm probably gonna see it eventually, so you might as well show it me now! Of course... I could always see if you're as ticklish as you used to be when you were a kid..."

 

There was something almost surreal about being trapped between Carrot and the edge of a bed, trying to hide a large dildo from one's brother who was threatening to tickle you. Perhaps Carrot was bluffing. Marron shook his head, "Niisan... niisan, you wouldn't..."

 

"I might!"

 

He made as if to grab under Marron's armpits. He didn't, but Marron's telltale flinch was enough to ensure power; Carrot smirked, "I'm guessing you probably are..."

 

"N-niisan... honestly... you honestly don't want to see the... the thing I'm holding...!"

 

"That's only gonna make me wanna see even more! Here I GO! BAHAHAHA-"

 

"AHN!! HHNNAHAHNN...!!"

 

"GAHAHAH!"

 

Several things seemed to happen quickly; Marron doubled up on himself as he was suddenly grabbed and tickled, trapping Carrot's hands beneath his arms which still clutched the dildo secretly. Marron lost his balance, Carrot had been pushing forward anyway, and Carrot only laughed louder as he ended up pinning Marron to the bed; stretched lengthways over the narrow part of the bed, Marron could only look up at Carrot who just for a moment had him straddled... his arms hung off of the edge of the bed. Carrot was advancing now, then straddling Marron's shoulders as he leant over to finally inspect what it was that Marron was holding... Marron himself was momentarily distracted by having his brother's groin suddenly so close to his face, and that distraction was enough. Carrot was able to pull Marron's robesleeves down, causing Marron's hands to open, his sleeves to be pulled back, and the object he'd been holding to fall to the floor with a heavy 'clunk'. Carrot leapt over from where he'd been leant over Marron, crouching to the floor to inspect what Marron had been hiding so intently. Marron could only roll over onto his front, feeling somewhat dazed - then he saw Carrot stand up, the dildo in hand.

 

It didn't seem to dawn on Carrot just what it was, for a few moments.

 

"Huh? What's this?"

 

"Ni... niisan..."

 

Carrot turned it around in his hands, mind slowly ticking over. He shook it, it rattled slightly. What was it? Some kind of ornament? A sculpture? A doorstop? Why would Marron be trying to hide something like that with such determination? Why would he want to hide-

 

The shape of it finally clicked in Carrot's mind. He realised.

 

"Wai-... wait. Marron, is this a... a... a sex thing...?"

 

"Ah-... nn... mmn... mm."

 

Carrot just stared at Marron, amusement suddenly gone from his expression and tone.

 

"Marron, why do you have something like this? That's... that's..."

 

Marron picked himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed. That wasn't something that was easy to explain... especially not to Carrot. Marron's mind was too busy catching up with the fact that for a moment he'd been tickled and that was a touch and why did Carrot have to be so unpredictable...? One moment he was refusing to grant hugs, then the next he was happily pouncing people to the bed... and now he had to explain just why he was dutifully carrying a sexual aide... Marron could have thought of better situations to be in, despite the previous events.

 

"... There are other things you could be spending your money on! I mean, how much is something like that gonna cost, something perverted like that...!"

 

"Ah... M-Milphey... gave it to me..."

 

"What, he bought it for you? Jeez, why would he be buying stuff like this for you... I mean... you weren't gonna use it, were you!?"

 

Marron didn't answer. Obviously that was the point of having something like that, but when it came to the thought of seriously using it, he hadn't quite decided yet. Of course Milphey probably intended him to, but... it was still quite large and formidable, and Marron felt he probably needed a little time to get used to such an idea. However, when Carrot was so suddenly against an idea like that...

 

"Ah... ah..."

 

"I, I mean, look at the size of it! No way you'd be able to do anything with this, it's like, thicker than my wrist! What are you trying to do to yourself?! What's Milphey trying to get you to do to yourself?! You're not-... that's-... that's not-... you just don't put things like that up your ass!"

 

Marron still didn't say anything, looking purposefully away from Carrot, blushing hotly. What could he say to that? It was hard to admit that that was exactly the purpose of it, but then again, how could something like that be hidden as anything else? Obviously being in ownership of a dildo was not something that Carrot considered 'normal'. Even knowing that Milphey had given it to him, Carrot seemed somewhat angry...! If that was one of the people he was trying to push Marron towards being with, surely he should have been pleased for the sexual overtone...

 

Noting Marron's guilty expression, the way he purposefully didn't look up... Carrot realised he'd been perhaps a little insensitive. It was too strange, but... well, Marron was strange, too.

 

"A-ah... that is... I mean... you're gay, you obviously like the whole idea of the whole... ass... up... thing, but... even a girl'd have a hard time getting this up her pussy! You trying to cause internal damage, or something?!"

 

"I... I... Milphey only just gave it to me... I hadn't yet... there wasn't... I hadn't... thought about... quite what I might do with it... he was quite enthusiastic, but I-... I can't help but be somewhat unsure..."

 

"Damn straight!"

 

"I thought I should only show gratitude, though... obviously he thought that such a thing would... obviously he thought it could... help me, so... if he'd had me specifically in mind, then... surely... it's best to be thankful... is it not?..."

 

"I just wonder what the hell he's gonna be bringing up next... you watch, it'll get worse and worse and before you know it, you'll have the contents of all the sex shops in Spooner in here! You could at least learn to gracefully refuse something, couldn't you?!"

 

Again, Marron only looked to the side. Carrot sighed slightly, feeling a little remorseful on seeing Marron's plainly embarrassed (and guilty?) face; perhaps he was being just slightly harsh on his younger brother. It was shocking that he'd be in possession of something like that, but... if Milphey had given it to him suddenly, then he probably couldn't help it... or maybe Marron had asked for Milphey to get him something like that? Maybe Marron did want something like that. He was somebody who seemed repressed at the best of times, wasn't getting angry at him only going to make him feel worse?

 

Before anything, Carrot felt he should be encouraging Marron to do things like that if he wanted. Maybe it was some kind of mating signal from Milphey's side? Nothing had happened, it seemed, on the mission between Marron and Gateau. Perhaps Marron really did prefer Milphey? Besides, Milphey would easily get sex toys for Marron... certainly kinky...

 

Carrot sat down on the bed next to Marron, gently slapping the dildo in his hand.

 

"Ahaha... well... I mean... I guess... if it's something you want... then... it's something you want... right? Even if it's embarrassing. I don't-... it's... you really were trying to hide it, weren't you? S'only my fault for trying to pry into your stuff. I shouldn'ta. It's only your business, right? So... um... here."

 

He handed the dildo to Marron, who slowly accepted it and held it across his lap.

 

"You can hide it in the drawer if you want, I'm not gonna tell anybody that it's there. Whatever turns you on, right? Ha ha ha... I'm sure you'll get a lot of fun out of it. Right? That'd be the best way to show gratitude to Milphey, to get good use out of that... so... um, I... I've probably said it before, but... y'know... if you do need time to... to yourself, I'll only give it to you, okay? We all need a little private time sometimes, so don't be ashamed to ask! We should be able to trust each other, as brothers. Kay?"

 

He ended that on a smile. Marron could only look at him, finding Carrot's sudden change in opinion quite interesting... that had probably been the difference between shock and acceptance, Marron supposed. Anybody would be surprised at finding a close relative in possession of a sex toy. Carrot was just the kind of person who'd be shocked by something like that, but he could also get used to the idea... but as for asking him for time to use it, Marron was less sure about that. There were empty rooms across Eden most nights, there was no reason why he couldn't go to one of those places. There was no reason why he'd have to boot Carrot out only for his own personal gain.

 

If 'gain' was the right word.

 

Without saying anything, Marron quietly stood up, then walked back over to the drawers. He opened the first one, gently lifting up a pile of clothes... he tucked the dildo at the bottom, then rearranged the clothes as best as he could around the slight bulge. If he pressed hard enough, the drawer was able to be closed, just. That would do, until he could think of somewhere better to put it.

 

"Ah... niisan?"

 

Carrot was already heading over to his own bed, "Yeah?"

 

"What are you... what are your plans for the rest of the day?"

 

"Mmn? Was gonna do a bit of reading, sitting back in bed, avoiding getting beat up by the Misu sisters, that kinda thing. Why?"

 

It seemed like he already had a program of relaxation figured out. Marron considered asking him down to the city for something to do, tried to think of more things that they could do together... but as Carrot arranged himself into a comfortable position on the bed, Marron couldn't bring himself to disturb that. He could ask things of Carrot another day.

 

"Ah... n-no reason."

 

"What are you gonna be doing?"

 

"I was thinking of continuing on with some of my magic study... nothing particularly interesting..."

 

"Ah, yeah. That's your kinda thing. Well, if you wanna chat about anything or anything, you can always come back and talk to me, y'know!"

 

Talking with such an enthusiastic tone of voice... Carrot seemed to have forgotten that it had been Marron who'd raised the subject in the first place.

 

Leaving Carrot to do as he wished, Marron quietly left the room without answering. The sentiment was there and it was treasured, but in reality... the practicality of such a statement...

 

Surely that was impossible.

 

****

 

Gateau had been in the main kitchen, making himself a hot cup of something or other when Milphey found him. Having peered in all of the rooms from Marron's study down to the kitchen, Milphey felt a small sense of victory when he finally spied his target. He swung himself around the arch of the entrance to the room, the slight noise of his feet against the floor alerting Gateau to his presence before he actually spoke; it was never a good idea to surprise somebody while in the kitchen, after all. You never knew what people were doing with knives, or with hot water.

 

"Go-oo-ood morning, Gateau-chan!"

 

"Ah? Uh, oh, hi Milphey."

 

"Whatcha makin'?"

 

Skipping over happily, Milphey easily leant over Gateau's shoulder. Gateau wasn't entirely sure he was in the mood to be leant over so early in the morning, but it also occurred to him that Milphey was in fact able to lean like that; he really was quite tall, wasn't he...? Gateau glanced from Milphey back down to his cup.

 

"Oh, just a hot drink. Got some fruit drinks from Facade before that last mission, remembered I hadn't tried 'em yet... this one's... hmmn... yeah, this one's lemon. Want some? There's more than enough water, anyway."

 

"Hmmn... alright, yes, I'll have some. Thank you, Gateau-chan!"

 

"No problem."

 

The water slowly came to the boil. Gateau pulled down another cup for preparation, poured the water, stirred the tea... Milphey still hung over his shoulder.

 

"Was there something you wanted?"

 

"Only to see you-uu!"

 

"Me? Why would you wanna see me?"

 

Milphey finally pulled away from Gateau's shoulder, spinning around to lean against the workspace opposite.

 

"Well, you and Marron-chan returning from Kaesis... it's a nice place, there! I went there a few times in the past, I quite enjoyed the hot springs then... I asked Marron-chan what they were like, but he can sure be quiet when he wants to be. 'It was nice' doesn't tell me much about what it was really like, I mean, having a cup of tea is nice but can you really compare that? Sooo, I thought I'd come to you to get a better opinion. Right? We can find somewhere nice to sit with the tea, and have a nice little chat. Unless of course you wanted to be left alone, don't let me disturb you if you're not in the mood for it, but... it's a nice day, nothing better to do...!"

 

A shrug, "Yeah, I don't mind. I was just gonna walk around for a bit, didn't really have anything to do. Thought about going down to the city later, Eclair had said she'd wanted to go shopping... but she'll probably ask one of the girls before she asks me. Isn't it Dota's birthday coming up?"

 

"Oh? Ah, I... oh my, I don't remember. That's quite shocking, isn't it... I suppose I should find out."

 

"Well, I remember it's somebody's birthday, or something. I dunno. When it's something like that, girls prefer to go shopping all together, don't they? Figure out what to buy for each other... I could probably buy something myself but if Eclair was asking me somethin' like that that she should buy, well, I don't know. Probably be easier if she goes with the girls."

 

"Indeed, indeed. Though we should also get something too, shouldn't we? It's a good thing you reminded me. I'm so forgetful when it comes to things like that... see, looking at you, I couldn't even tell you when your birthday is..."

 

"Don't worry, s'not for a while yet. Hey, I don't think I ever even found out Marron's birthday, though I remember it happening in the past. He's the kind of person who doesn't really say about things like that... just 'oh, it's my birthday' and it's like, why didn't you say anything before now, then I could have bought you something, but... well. You know what he's like."

 

"It's about five or six months away, I think. Also not for a while."

 

"Heh, you remember something like that, don't you..."

 

Figuring that the tea was reasonable to pick up, Gateau held his own and offered the other cup to Milphey, who accepted. He just laughed slightly, "Well... some things you remember, some things you don't. Funny how the mind works, really."

 

"Mmm..."

 

"So where shall we go? We could go and sit outside, perhaps... it's a bit cold but it's a nice day out there."

"I dunno... I think I'd rather sit in somewhere."

"Okay, okay... how about the front room just along from here? That's got comfortable chairs and a table we could put our drinks... I think that's also where some board games are kept, though somebody might have moved them. I know Sirius-chan became quite attached to that... oh, what was it called... well, I don't remember, but I think at least one of them might have been 'borrowed'. Still, what's left will be good enough, I think. Do you play board games?"

 

"Uh? Well, not all the time... have done a few times in the past though, s'not like I don't know how to play..."

 

"Right, then! Let's have a nice game of chess."

 

"Well... that was one I could never remember..."

 

"Draughts?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Instead of chess. You know, with the counters and the jumping... you play it on a chessboard, or at least it looks like it. Draughts."

 

"Checkers?"

 

"Draughts."

 

"Is it like checkers?"

 

Milphey was starting to walk towards the door, "... Yes. Anyway, if we stand around here talking all day, we'll never get as far as a completed game! Let's go."

 

Finding no reason not to follow him, Gateau did so.

 

The day outside really did seem quite bright... there was something cloudy about the sky and it didn't seem exactly sunny, but the day didn't exactly seem dull, either. The way the trees outside the windows shook and wavered, there seemed to be quite a strong wind... it was probably quite cold out there. As he and Milphey walked towards the aforementioned room, Gateau silently decided to himself that it was probably a good idea to stay indoors for the time being. And recommend Eclair wear something warm if she was going to go out.

 

The room itself was quite bright and comfortable. Two decorated glass doors would lead to the gardens outside, if they were opened... as it was, they provided quite a pleasant view without that. There was a table in the middle of the room, a sofa on either side of it, and a singular comfortable chair at the far end. On the left side of the room was an unlit fireplace. Milphey put his drink down quickly on the table, then turned to smile at Gateau.

 

"Shall I put the fire on?"

 

"Oh? Uh, sure, if you want to."

 

"Mmm... at this time of year, it's definitely starting to get colder... better to be as warm as possible than settle for discomfort. I don't want anybody getting colds this year! Even after all this time nobody has a cure for it, it's terrible. Do you remember that year Tira-chan lost her voice?"

 

Gateau sat himself down on the rightmost sofa, "I think so, yeah. I think the worst thing about it for her was that she couldn't yell at Carrot for about a week straight!"

 

The fire flickered to life as Milphey attended it, "Oh, indeed... I'm sure poor Carrot-chan saw it as a kind of freedom, surely? Able to do things and have only one Misu sister yelling at him. I'm sure he'd like it if that happened every year, but it hasn't happened since..."

 

"Well, Chocolat sure did her best to yell for her and Tira."

 

"Ha ha, yes... she's quite spirited, isn't she? There we go, that's the fire lit... now! Games. Let's see... there should be a-... ah, here we are!"

 

Beneath a smaller table next to the glass doors was a reasonably-sized chest. Milphey stepped over to it, pulling it out from beneath the table as Gateau watched.

 

"You want some help with that? Looks heavy."

 

"No no, I'm- uhnnnf... I'm fine!"

 

The chest was pulled out far enough for the lid to be opened. Kneeling in front of it, Milphey lifted the lid and inspected the contents. Chess... well, Gateau had said he hadn't wanted to play that, or at least implied it. There were at least four packets of cards, for some reason... and then there was the draughts set, the board folded in half and clipped together by a small brass catch. Picking up the wooden box, it sounded as if the pieces were kept inside the folded board; Milphey smiled, and closed the lid of the chest. He walked over to the sofa opposite the one Gateau sat at, and placed the board down onto the table. He undid the catch and opened the board. The pieces were there, but seemingly mixed up. Milphey set himself the task of sorting the red painted counters from the plain wooden ones; Gateau just watched.

 

It seemed to idly occur to Gateau, as he thought about it; Milphey really was a genuinely friendly person, wasn't he? It was only one of those days where by mere definition there was nothing constructive to immediately do, but without argument he offered to play games and offer his company... he seemed to do things on impulse, and he seemed to do them eagerly.

 

He was... patient, wasn't he?

 

The more Gateau watched, the more he felt just slightly guilty for having had such malicious thoughts of Milphey in the past. Being so angry at Marron due to suspicion of him and Milphey... well, the situation was a little different, now. As bitter as Marron could seem somehow... he probably would want to make a decision between that which Carrot picked for him, despite the call against common sense that that was. It was Carrot, common sense didn't need to go anywhere near that.

 

Gateau wondered just what Marron thought about Milphey. He trusted him, obviously something or other had happened in the past to lead to that conclusion but Gateau wasn't sure he could ever know just what that was... he trusted him, but how did he look at him?

 

Aesthetically speaking, Milphey was pretty. Like Marron, one would have to be blind not to notice something like that - especially moreso in Milphey's case since, not only was he pretty but he confidently knew that he was pretty, and wasn't above flaunting that if he was in such the mood to do so. Milphey had a kind of air of confidence to him - he could drape himself over people if he so wished, he could flirt shamelessly without even a blush, and then he also held the respect of people to act like that and get away with it... all the times Milphey had hit on Carrot, the Misu sisters were far more eager to attack Carrot for that than Milphey, who arguably had been at fault...

 

Perhaps that had been borne from the fact that, when it came to missions, Milphey was good. Flippant and frivolous at times, but he could keep himself out of trouble and rather stunningly easily keep others out of trouble at the same time; he was powerful, and again, he knew it.

 

Didn't he say that he even took on jobs usually handed to the Haz Knights? Now that was power.

 

So Milphey was powerful when it came to missions, but outside of that... when it came to just those lazy easy days spent hanging around Eden... he was just a very easygoing person, wasn't he? He'd waltz from person to person, perhaps helping the girls with their dresses and makeup, then going to keep Marron company for a bit, maybe drop in a word to Carrot, sit around with Gateau and play board games...

 

He could do no wrong, could he?

 

"There we go! All sorted out. I suppose it's unavoidable to get them mixed, but you'd think they could make these things with separate compartments for each colour... ah well, it's made how it's made, I suppose. So! Do you want to be red or brown? I don't mind. Oh? Gateau-chan?"

 

"Hmn? Ah... what?"

 

"Did you zone out? I was just asking you which colour counter you wanted to be."

 

"Oh, uh... red. I'll be red."

 

"Okay! Now to set them out..."

 

Another silence as Milphey set out the counters. Gateau fell back into his train of thought once more... wondered again just what Marron thought of Milphey. How he thought about him. How it might be possible to think of him.

 

If there was anybody who could help Marron with his strange problems, perhaps Milphey would be that person? Gateau hadn't been able to keep up with Marron's strange moodswings, power trips or vicious words, but... maybe even just Milphey's manner would help Marron be calmer. Perhaps they could do things without there being such venom involved. Something done not for the domination or subordination, but for the feelings involved... the shared feelings, the loving feelings...

 

Would Milphey be willing to try things like that? Would Marron know if he was?

 

Given the choice, if there was one... could Marron be trusted to make a sensible decision...?

 

Both sets of counters were set out on the board, Gateau's set out on the brown squares, Milphey's on the red squares. Seeming honestly gleeful, Milphey clapped his hands together.

 

"There! Now, we're ready. Draughts championship of Eden, versus Gateau-chan! Oh, do you want to go first, or shall I?"

 

"I don't mind."

 

"You go first. I don't mind either!"

 

So Gateau made his move. This was followed by Milphey's move, and the two conducted themselves silently as the game became their primary focus.

 

Gateau glanced up at Milphey. Contrary to his previous excitement, he did seem to have a look of total concentration on his face now... Gateau wondered if he had any chance of winning. Another move. Another. The pieces were now beginning to move in on each other, the gap across the middle of the board having been breached... Gateau noticed a chance, and claimed the first piece of the game.

 

"Oh my! Gateau-chan's suddenly winning!"

 

"It's only one piece, I don't think you could really call that 'winning' so far..."

 

"Even so. Well done! Now, let's see..."

 

Milphey dropped back into his mode of concentration. His fingers hovered above the board, ready to make a move, ready to select a piece... then thought against it, turning his attention to another piece. Was every move really so calculated? Gateau just moved the pieces to where he thought they'd be good... could you really have any kind of strategy when it came to something like checkers?

 

Thinking of how deeply he seemed to involve himself in such a simple game as that, Gateau felt quite glad, secretly, that he hadn't attempted to challenge Milphey at chess. Competitive suicide.

 

A move later, and two of Gateau's pieces lay surrendered. Milphey sat up, smiling happily at Gateau.

 

"Ahaha, I saw an opportunity... your go again!"

 

"Ah, mm..."

 

Gateau stared at the board, trying to develop the same kind of concentration at Milphey had seemed to. Become one with the board? Feel the power of the pieces? It was a board of wood with more wooden chips on top of it, what was there to become one with... still, by the logic of pieces, Milphey was winning. Was there any chance to even out that score? Beat it? Gateau's mind wasn't entirely on the game. After a few moments of failing to psychologically connect with the draughtsboard, Gateau glanced up at Milphey, who was waiting patiently with his hands flat against his lap.

 

"I guess you've heard, then?"

 

"About what, Gateau-chan?"

 

"Well, you said you spoke to Marron earlier... since he was talking to you I guess he woulda said the kindsa things he talked to me about, given how you two get along so well... the way Carrot's been getting at him."

 

Milphey raised one eyebrow slightly, "... How Carrot-chan's been... getting... at him...?"

 

Carrot-chan got at Marron most of the time one way or another, from Milphey's observance. However, was that something even Gateau would notice? How did he mean 'getting'...? Gateau kept his glance steady, obviously surprised by the lack of recognition in Milphey's eyes.

 

"Didn't he say anything?"

 

"Not about Carrot-chan, no..."

 

"Oh. Huh. Weird. Well... I dunno. Even though the hot springs were nice and relaxing and the room was comfortable and dignified and all that stuff, he spent most of the mission mooning about after one thing or another Carrot said to him beforehand... seems that Carrot had some kinda thoughts that maybe Marron should get with me again, or something."

 

That earnt an honest frown, and a flicker of almost worry on Milphey's expression, just momentarily. Carrot was thinking something like that? What could be gained from Marron forming another relationship with Gateau, after the failings of the last time that happened...?

 

All throughout the time of that mission, Milphey had been quietly watching Carrot. He'd wondered if he'd have anything to say about Marron, after finding out he had problems that a Haz Knight had to attend to, that he was stressed, things like that... Carrot never said anything, though. He stood around corridors and stared out of windows a lot, but Milphey wasn't psychic and so couldn't be sure just what Carrot was thinking. To his credit he wasn't running around outside and chasing after women, that was at least a departure from his usual behaviour, but... could somebody like Carrot even realise how much of it was all his fault? It seemed somewhat unfair to pin such stinging blame on his shoulders, but that was the basic truth. Marron's problems originated because of Carrot, or at least because of his uncontrollable feelings for Carrot. Whether Carrot realised that or not, surely by now he had to realise at least that Marron had quite the plethora of issues...

 

He could support Marron, couldn't he? He could act the part of the caring big brother, do caring things, say caring things... couldn't he? And if he did so... perhaps Marron would feel more comfortable into opening up to his brother... perhaps Marron would then be able to say something?

 

However, that was a different eventuality. Had Carrot actually told Marron he wanted him to form a relationship with Gateau?

 

What kind of advice was that to give to somebody? Even Carrot had to realise just how volatile their relationship had been...!

 

"Carrot-chan said that?"

 

"Seems so."

 

"... I wonder why he'd suggest... something like that..."

 

Gateau finally made his move, "Yeah, well, I wondered that too. Marron'd only say that Carrot was worried about him, wanted him to have 'normal' relationships, though normal compared to what I dunno... Marron was sure getting weird during that mission, though. All going on about how love was such a painful thing now, about how he'd apparently spoken to that person who he loves, said he loved them more than anything, but didn't get much of a favourable reply... he also seemed pretty upset 'cause he'd asked Carrot to hug him or something, and Carrot wouldn't. Which I guess is just piling all the problems on, but... well, as I said to Marron, maybe Carrot just wasn't in the mood for a hug! Carrot's not really the kind of person who'd go around hugging everybody, is he? Probably just didn't wanna. Probably just Marron makin' a mountain outta a molehill again, sayin' he was terrible just 'cause of that, but with him everything about Carrot is a crisis, isn't it? I dunno what to think anymore. No way I can help him."

 

Milphey stared at the draughtsboard with intent concentration as he had been doing before, but this time his mind was working overtime on the things Gateau was telling him, so quickly and with such dismissal. Marron had seemed alright that morning, but then again, he'd also said he'd been in a good mood which he hadn't wished to sour... a good mood compared to what?

 

Carrot wanted Marron to have a 'normal' relationship. Marron had spoken to the person he loved. Marron was upset because Carrot wouldn't hug him. Love, to Marron, was something painful.

 

Leaning forward on one hand, Milphey pressed a finger to his lips and his thumb against his chin. Oh god, just what had happened in the past few days?! Maybe Gateau hadn't made the connection between the person Marron loved and Carrot, but if one was to look at that with the knowledge that Milphey possessed... if one were to sort it into some sort of order...

 

Marron had, somehow, ended up talking to Carrot. This, whatever Marron had said, hadn't gone down too well. Carrot started making plans on Marron's lovelife... Milphey wasn't sure where the refusing a hug had come into it, but... if it was something Marron had even mentioned to Gateau, then it had to be something affecting him, didn't it?

 

... And during that trip, Marron had missed Milphey.

 

With such pressures and problems obviously on his shoulders, Milphey was suddenly angry he hadn't been able to go on that mission, hadn't been able to witness the events which caused the results... or at least known... he should have spoken to Carrot, surely if something had happened he'd at least have something to say about it all!

 

Still, Marron had been able at least to smile that morning. So even if things had gone badly, unless Marron was hiding his emotions, Marron still had the capability to smile...

 

It took all of Milphey's willpower not to walk out from the draughts game and just find the Glacé brothers and find out just what the hell had happened all of a sudden, but... that would only leave Gateau on his own, and nobody ever won anybody else's trust through forcing information out of them. If either of those brothers had anything to say, they'd probably say it in their own time.

 

"... So Carrot-chan wished for Marron-chan to start another relationship with you...?"

 

"Or you. Though I dunno if he mentioned that to you, or anything."

 

"No, neither of them said anything..."

"Heh, it's gotta be a bit of a surprising thing to hear then, sorry. But I mean, isn't that exactly how it is? Marron was all on about me making a 'possessive decision' of him, wondering if I'd rather he chose you or something, and I was just... I felt I had to tell him that just because Carrot said 'go with Gateau or Milphey!', it doesn't mean Marron can only choose between us! He quite clearly said to me that he didn't want a relationship like that anyway, so the only reason he's gonna be even thinkin' like that is 'cause Carrot said so... I was a bit angry at Carrot when I got thinkin' about that. Someone like Carrot could suggest anything to Marron and Marron'd do it without question, wouldn't he? Forcin' himself to do things just 'cause Carrot said so... I don't think Carrot realises the amount of power he has over Marron."

 

It seemed that Milphey had forgotten the game for the moment, "It's... not a healthy relationship that those two have, is it..."

 

"You only realise that now, huh...? But no, I guess it's not. As I said, nothing I can do about that, nothing I can do to help. I think the best thing I can do is just keep out of Marron's business, you know? Never know when he's going to hit back with hateful comments."

 

Milphey made his move, capturing another one of Gateau's pieces. He quickly picked that one up and deposited it to his side of the board, the motions for the game almost made only by habit now.

 

"You want to distance yourself from him?"

 

A shrug, "Well, I dunno. If I have to do something like that for the length of time it takes for him to sort his head out, that's all I can do, isn't it? Maybe one day we'll be able to be comfortable like how we used to be. I don't really care who his feelings are for anymore, just given the way he gets, I'm almost glad they're not for me..."

 

"Really...? Somebody as devoted and loyal as Marron... you wouldn't want that?"

 

Gateau looked momentarily torn, leaning back on the sofa and staring across at the window. His brown furrowed in concentration, then he looked back towards Milphey.

 

"If it was just the devotion and the loyalty, then I could probably take that. It's just... he's such a complicated person, and the person he wants to be with has got a lot to answer for... I wouldn't want to have that kinda responsibility on my shoulders. I guess someone would really want things like that, but... I just... I don't."

 

"Relationships are barely ever simple though, Gateau..."

 

"I know that, I know that. But there's a difference between a relationship and something you can't figure out no matter what... when you have no idea what the other person is thinking, no idea what they're feeling, no idea how they feel about you... if you like them and they know that but they won't trust you to say if they like you or not... it just messes with me too much. If it's a relationship you don't need to worry about all the shy crap - by that point you're together so just be straightforward already!"

 

Two of Milphey's pieces were collected.

 

"Some people find it too hard to be straightforward, though. If they've been used to hiding behind a mask for as long as they can remember, then to suddenly surrender that... some people find it difficult. If we were to believe that Marron has a mask, then I think it's more a question of who he'll lower it to."

 

"Not me."

 

"Evidently not."

 

Another move.

 

"You, though... he lowers it to you, doesn't he? Trusts you with stuff, talks to you... dude, he wouldn't randomly sleep naked with me, not without making some kinda comment or weird seduction move..."

 

That point seemed to hang in the air; Gateau let out a deep breath and leant his head on his hands momentarily.

 

"He's a tease, more than anything. Tries to take advantage too much. He knew I liked him, knew I found him the sexiest damn thing on the Continent... Milphey, do you even know how many times we got close to fucking?! He'd be all straddling and nudging and smirking and 'we can have sex, but only if we do it in the way I want' and all of that... all controlling... who knows, maybe he isn't even into the whole gay sex thing, he certainly wouldn't be tellin' anybody if he wasn't. Pick a target and go after it and drive them mad..."

 

His move completed, Milphey now lay back against the sofa.

 

"You could perhaps say that he trusts me, but I think it's only so far as, that which he'll show me only shows me how much more there is that he isn't, if you see what I mean. I don't-... I don't think Marron would be so callous as to go after a sexual situation for the sole purpose of aggravating his partner. I don't think he'd initially go out to hurt somebody like that... but what he ends up doing, that's often a lot different to the things that he intends to do."

 

"I guess... I suppose I'm just too bitter from being on the receiving end of his crap too often. Doesn't he ever get like that with you?"

 

"Like that...? No... not exactly..."

 

"Then it has to be something about me that Marron was zooming in on, hasn't it? I thought-... for a year or so there, I thought we were decent. I sure respected him, he seemed to respect me, we'd kick ass in battles and be okay in our after-hours. I admit, for a while, it probably became overpowering - I wanted that guy, and the only thing against that was me not bein' able to say anything eloquent enough for him to agree or disagree to. Then suddenly all of that messes up... I don't know what he's trying to go for. Seems sensible enough sometimes, then he's making all weird comments on others... then I look at him and he's still the sexiest guy on Spooner, and that really pisses me off... I look at him and think 'damn you're such a little bastard' but he's still a bastard in a really pretty package, and-..."

 

Milphey glanced up, "... And...?"

 

Gateau shook his head, "N-no... it's nothing..."

 

The way Milphey's expression flickered in acceptance and eyes darted back down to the board game only seemed to incite Gateau to continue. Maybe it was nothing, but it was something he seemed to want to tell Milphey anyway.

 

"Really, I'd just want him to apologize. When I think about it, I can't really-... it's hard to think of things that he'd apologize for... it'd either be too specific or too wide, but either way... just a sign that he knew he was in the wrong, just something like that, anything like that...!"

 

The game of draughts continued on, one of Gateau's pieces touching the edge of Milphey's territory by that point. A discarded piece was placed on top of the far-reaching one.

 

"... Milphey?"

 

"Mm?"

 

"You've... broken up with people in the past, haven't you? Or been broken up with..."

 

Milphey spoke with dry amusement, "I don't know why exactly you'd pin those sorts of experiences on me so quickly, but... yes. Yes, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. Neither are too pleasant."

 

"When someone breaks up with you... you get angry, don't you?"

 

"It'd be quite telling of a relationship if you didn't get angry... human beings don't like change, and if you grow used to being in a relationship, the sudden ending of it is one that can be very hard to adjust to, sometimes... some people find that harder than other people do. But, yes, yes. Don't they say that there are seven stages of acceptance, or something?"... Milphey started counting on his fingers, "Anger, denial... ahm... well, I'm sure you know what I mean. It's natural to get angry, both with the person and with yourself... what they did that was wrong, what you did that was wrong... you'll end up scouring every remembered second of the relationship to try to pinpoint where things went wrong..."

 

A shift in position on the sofa, "... that's when it's sometimes a bad idea to keep diaries. Too easy to just spend days involved in them."

 

"Oh, you keep diaries?"

 

"I do, yes."

 

"Cool... well, I never really had the patience for 'em. I'd start 'em then forget to carry on a week later... find them after months and think 'oh, that was that diary I never kept!'... not really my kinda thing."

 

"Well... I like to be able to recall things. Be able to look back on things I might otherwise forget. But, as we were saying, in the case of relationships... it's too easy to get caught between the pages of remembering when things were right, too jarring to come back to a reality where things changed... ah, don't mind me. Just, it is normal to feel angry at the other person, at yourself, at the world... like most similar feelings, it should eventually pass."

 

"I sure hope it passes soon."

 

"Mm?"

 

"Well... sometimes my thoughts are kinda... kinda... violent, you know..."

 

Seeming to have knowledge of the sentiment, Milphey closed his eyes momentarily and nodded. He opened them to make another move on the game before looking back up at Gateau.

 

"Again... that's also something that'll happen."

 

Gateau's tone seemed to become more irritated, "That doesn't make it any easier to bear, Milphey!"

 

Milphey looked up again, sitting up straight to be able to meet Gateau's eyeline. He sighed gently, the look in his eyes both compassionate and slightly sympathetic... of course, being able to agree that such things happened wouldn't really help anybody. Who cared if they happened to other people? It was the fact that they were happening to Gateau and they were happening now that was the problem!... Milphey's expression softened.

 

"So... what are the kind of violent things that Gateau-chan thinks about...?"

 

"I... I couldn't say those kinds of things...! They're not nice..."

 

"Oh, I'm sure I've thought of much worse in the past. And done worse, too."

 

There seemed to be something to Milphey's earnest tone that was entirely believable. He probably had. Gateau faltered, looking down at the draughtsboard as he spoke.

 

"Well... I guess it's just... I want to make him hurt as much as I did, you know? I'm not as crafty or sly as he is, but at least if it's just me thinking about it... 'cause... it was always him in control...! Always me looking at him, wanting him, and it felt almost like he was just goin' along with it 'cause he could rather than 'cause he actually wanted to... he always had the power, I guess. Knew how to smirk and when to bat his eyelids in all the right places. It just pisses me off that all the kinds of thoughts like that I have about him - they're all the kinds of things he wanted me to do, Milphey! Holding him down even if he protested, screwing him senseless without giving him a choice... he wanted me to do all those sorts of things! That then makes me think if he was all tryin' to make me angry on purpose just for that... but it's like... the things that happen in my mind... they're not the kind of things you do to someone...! Not... not unless you wanted to be really unforgivable..."

 

"Would you ever act on your thoughts?"

 

He spoke such a shocking suggestion so calmly. Gateau shook his head quickly, "What kind of guy do you take me for?! If I did things like that... even if it did hurt him, even if I could have had the power he'd had even just for a few moments... that wouldn't help anything... and knowing him he'd probably sneak into my room the next night and kill me via kooky Eastern Magic thing, if somebody's unforgivable in his eyes then, well, he's not going to forgive them. It'd all just get worse."

 

"And what kind of thoughts do you think Marron was acting on?"

 

"Ah-"

 

Marron was the kind of person who was usually commended for being calm, rational and sensible. Such qualities never seemed to come anywhere near when he was in a bedroom with Gateau, outlining his most recent plan for their activities... anybody seeing him like that wouldn't be able to call him any of those things! Suddenly fractious, irrational and rash... acting on impulse and not even wanting to hear disagreement...

 

That was a good question. Just what kind of thoughts had been Marron acting on? Surely not rational, well-thought-out plans...

 

"Gateau, I don't blame you for having such thoughts about Marron. Pain, after all, lasts a lot longer than comfort... if somebody punches you in the gut or somebody hugs you, which are you going to feel the effects of for longer? Marron hurt you. Physically or mentally, in whatever way you could manage, you'd want to make him hurt too; hurt is still hurt, no matter the situation or the form in which it comes in."

 

"That's true..."

 

"However, hard as it may be to try to do so, I don't think you can discount Marron's feelings so quickly, either. I'm not saying that he didn't treat you badly, but I think you have to ask yourself just why he acted how he did... and without saying something generic like 'he's a bastard', please."

 

Gateau realised that Milphey was actually expecting some kind of answer from that; he looked up with surprise for a second, then set about really thinking. Why did Marron act like that? Who could even know, or tell? That seemed an impossible thing to even try to answer, and Gateau said so.

 

"I can't think of an answer..."

 

Milphey smiled knowingly, "You've never been frustrated, Gateau-chan?"

 

"What, so Marron's frustrated? And that's not a generic answer?"

 

"Well... it could seem so, yes. But if you look at the kind of person he is, the kinds of things he does, the ways he acts about things... perhaps it's slotting Marron-chan into a cliché, but he is still a teenager, and there are things that happen around that time... the fact that he's at the latter end of that scale is only more telling, though. You become a teenager, and suddenly the world's against you. It's in the nature of people to rebel against the things that have kept them in place to that point - parents, guardians, whatever. Sometimes you can't find out who you really are if you're always living by things that other people have told you. I think there's a word for that kind of mindframe... well, I can't remember it. But, does that make sense?"

 

"So he's becoming a teenage rebel all of a sudden? That doesn't seem like him, somehow... then again, sometimes it's hard to remember he is still a teenager, 'specially compared to some of the other people 'round here..."

 

A nod, "Exactly. Even subconsciously, don't you think that's something that he might feel he's constantly got to live up to? He's the sensible one, the calm one, the one who always does the right thing, the one who frowns upon extravagant and frivolous behaviour... wouldn't that drive you mad? Being the one always expected to pick up the pieces after-... especially after that brother of his. That duty was written onto his heart the second he made the misguided decision that Carrot was the best person on the planet."

 

The draughts game really had become abandoned, by that point.

 

"You woulda thought that, if anything, he'd rebel against Carrot... keepin' up after him for all those years, I think even he'd decide that enough was enough by some point..."

 

"I think that's underestimating Marron's determination, though. I don't know if there was ever a choice of what he really wanted to do, but more than anything, he does love that brother of his. If there was going to be something to rebel against... I don't think he'd forgive himself if he rebelled against Carrot. He could rebel against his work perhaps, but how badly do you think that would end up!? You have to look out for each other as Sorcerer Hunters. Part of the job."

 

"So what are you tryin' to say?"

 

"I think... Marron has quite a few problems and issues of his own. Combine that with all of the feelings and expectations pressed on him, the responsibilities put on him if he really likes it or not... there's too much to be lost by risking the constant things in his life. If there's anything he can rebel against, I think... I think, it has to come from within. His own behaviour, his own moral codes. Then again, morals and ethics... the kinds of things that Marron would live by would be things that he's certainly decided for himself. In other words... can he really break out of the rules and guidelines he's placed upon himself? That, I think, is his frustration."

 

There was a silence after that. Gateau paused, just staring at Milphey. Thinking about what he'd just said, all of what he'd just said. Thinking about him. Thinking about the situation. Thinking about the things that he was saying, and how he was saying them... he really did have a keen mind, but to be able to say things like that in such a sure manner... Gateau frowned.

 

"Milphey..."

 

"Yes, Gateau-chan?"

 

"What... do you... uhm... how exactly do you see Marron?"

 

"How do I see him? In what way?"

 

"You sure seem to be able to say a lotta deep things about him. Do you just sit and think about him all day, or what...!? All I woulda been able to say about something like that would be 'gee, Marron's messed up in the head' or something, but you go and make it sound all impressive... can you do that for anybody? If I asked you how come Chocolat always hits on Carrot, would you be able to come up with some huge psychological profile for her on that?"

 

"Ahaha... I don't think it's exactly like that, Gateau-chan... I never said that I thought that anything I said was the truth or not, it's just what I see. I could be wrong. Perhaps it is just in Marron-chan's nature to be spiteful and malicious, but... depending on what you know of a person, depending on what you've seen of them... sometimes... he seems like such a fragile person. You've known him for quite a while also, haven't you? Would you say that he's naturally such a mean-spirited person?"

"Well... no, I never woulda suspected it of him until he started being all weird on me..."

 

"Exactly. If he acts strangely then there has to be a reason behind it, doesn't there?"

 

If there had to be a reason behind everything, then by that logic, Gateau figured there was also probably a reason for Milphey quite obviously dodging the question like that. All very deep, but that didn't tell Gateau just how Milphey saw Marron... romantically? As a friend? As somebody to protect? He certainly seemed to be able to say a lot about him, if nothing else.

 

"Yeah, but... that... still doesn't tell me just how you see him, Milphey."

 

"Ah?"

 

Milphey smiled, looking annoyingly relaxed.

 

"I'm sure I've said it before... I have an interest in quite a few of Big Mama's cute Sorcerer Hunters. Marron-chan, Carrot-chan, Tira-chan, Chocolat-chan... Gateau-chan too, even. You're all interesting and amusing people, so of course I'm going to find you all interesting!"

 

The impact of Gateau's hands hitting against the table between them caused the draughtsboard to judder, the pieces shifting a little across the board from their positions.

 

"That doesn't tell me how you feel about him, Milphey!"

 

Gateau had raised into a half-standing position, leant against the table, glaring intently at Milphey. Milphey blinked up at him... he was angry, all of a sudden? Frustrated, perhaps... unwilling to let himself be intimidated, Milphey busied himself shifting the draughts pieces back to the squares they'd originally been occupying. Gateau obviously wanted a straight answer. Was there even a straight answer to give?

 

"How I feel about him?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Well... I feel happy that he seems to trust me. With somebody so quiet and reserved... it's almost like a little victory if you can get somebody like that to open up to you, isn't it? Even if it was through ways they might not have chosen... when you realise that... perhaps they do need you, even in a little way..."

 

"... Milphey..."

 

"Ahaha, listen to me, getting all wistful all of a sudden. However... Marron trusts me just slightly, and... I'm glad of that, glad that perhaps I can help him with some of the problems that honestly plague him. But when it comes to what he's looking for... keeping the things I've just told you in mind, I don't think that somebody he can trust and tell things to is that kind of person. It's the difference, I think, between being comfortable and feeling thrilled. Somebody who knows too much becomes exactly that - somebody who knows too much to be thrilling. If... I think... if I went up to him and said 'Hey Marron, let's have sex', he'd probably refuse, wouldn't he?"

 

"Well... I dunno..."

 

"I don't think he'd agree, if you gave him the choice. However, if I - or anybody - were to go up to him and say 'I'm going to fuck you', he probably wouldn't know how to react... and, I think, part of him craves that kind of spontaniousness. That kind of decision where you don't have a choice."

 

Gateau leant back against the sofa again, "So why don't you just do something like that? Say that to him, don't give him a choice. See what he does."

 

"Well... I can't help but wonder if that would shake his trust in me. I don't know if that's something he'd thank me for. Here, it's your go."

 

Realising he'd forgotten all about the game between them, Gateau looked back down to the board. He glanced over it quickly, moved a piece.

 

"Uh... there. Well, if it's something like that, then maybe it can't ever have a solution! What kinda things can you do to him if you don't want to risk anything..."

 

"That's his problem, also."

 

"Hnh?"

 

Milphey kept his eyes on the board as he made his move, "There are things he doesn't want to risk."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Ah... to say that would be to say too much, I fear. But I think... it's almost as if he has different areas he needs fulfilment in. Like anybody, but I think he's altogether too specific in his demands. In a relationship... you want somebody who you can love and trust, don't you? And, a relationship being a relationship, the love can move to the physical... somebody you love to have sex with, somebody you trust to have sex with... somebody you love to trust, and somebody you can trust to love. Everything's wound up in those three sentiments, isn't it? Or at least, that's how I see it. You might have a different opinion on relationships, especially at the moment."

 

Gateau shook his head, "I get what you're saying. I mean, damn, if Marron coulda trusted me to even say anything reasonable to me, it woulda been better, I think... I think that's the thing that annoys me most about it all, that he just couldn't seem to trust me. With anything. Just wanted me to accept all his weird crap because it was him..."

 

"I don't think that Marron is looking for somebody to trust his emotions with. More than anything - I'm not trying to be funny here - he does just need to get laid."

 

"So if he trusts you..."

 

"In his opinion, I know too much. Gateau... given what we already know of Marron, don't you think it'd be fair to say that perhaps... his perceptions of the people around him are... skewed, somewhat?"

 

"Uh... I dunno..."

 

"Who do you think he loves the most?"

 

"Could only really say Carrot for that, couldn't you?"

 

"Exactly. Now... again, perhaps it's only me, but... I've even had Carrot come to me and draw such conclusions, so... at least... if we take it as read that those three things, love, trust and sex, are ingredients for a relationship... he loves Carrot more than anybody else, indeed, most people wouldn't argue with that. Anybody could see that his love for Carrot is overwhelming, his need and duty to protect... would he even be searching for somebody to love outside of that safe zone? Given their relationship, they're almost obligated to love each other in some way or another."

 

"Milphey, where is this going?"

 

"Bear with me. We'd both accept that Marron would love Carrot. However, given the nature of that love, there are things that he can't trust him with; therefore, he would develop a trust, perhaps, with somebody else. Say... with me."

 

"But I thought you were just on about how relationships were a mix of it all..."

 

"I was, and I still say that it all is. However, our dear Marron-chan, having loved nobody but his brother for the very tender and influencing years of his life... there are some things you just can't do, some paths you just can't follow. If he's separated his love as to being for Carrot, can't you say that he'd separate the other things also? He loves Carrot. He trusts me. And then, when it would come to, ah, sexual relations..."

 

There seemed to be a definite look in Milphey's eyes as he said that, speaking with such a knowing kind of expression... Gateau could only shift on the sofa, feeling uncomfortable with that kind of sentiment.

 

"What you lookin' at me for while saying something like that..."

 

"Because I think that that's the dilemma that Marron faces. He loves Carrot, but can't trust him or have sex with him. He trusts me, but wouldn't want to... to love me, or perhaps even have sex with me... he sees you as a sexual object, but would he wish to complicate things through love or trust...?"

 

"Milphey, that's a really depressing way to look at it."

 

"Yes, but you have to admit that it does quite make sense. Again, maybe I'm wrong, it's just something I've perhaps thought about, but... well, who can say if it's true or if it's not true? I don't know if Marron himself would be able to look on his emotions like that, it's hard to take a step back when you're so wrapped up in things. Ah, it's my move, isn't it? Hmmn... ah... there. AH! No-... tch, that was a mistake."

 

"Ah hah!"

 

Feeling genuinely amused for the first time in what felt like hours, Gateau was able to claim several of Milphey's pieces in one move. However, Given the slight smile on Milphey's face as Gateau triumphantly made took the chips, one could have perhaps argued that he'd made such a move on purpose.

 

"My my, it seems that Gateau-chan's certainly winning now, isn't he?"

 

"It's been a while since I played this, but it does, doesn't it? Your go again."

 

"Hmmn..."

 

The air seeming somewhat clearer all of a sudden, the game continued quietly on. After a few silent minutes, all pieces had either been removed or doubled; the game was coming to a heated kind of end. Milphey fought bravely, but in the end, it turned out to be Gateau who made the winning move.

 

"Oh! I lost!"

 

"I WON! Ga ha HA HAH! I am, the champion."

 

"Indeed, indeed! My, that was certainly an involving game, though. How long do you suppose we've been playing for?"

 

"Dunno, I didn't really see a clock to tell when we started..."

 

"Mm, me neither. Well! We could either have a rematch, or perhaps play something else... maybe go for a walk? Go down to the city? It's still only the afternoon, we have quite a bit of time on our hands."

 

"Well... it's probably still pretty cold outside... I'd rather stay in. Save going outside for when we next have a mission, or whatever. I don't think I could take another game, though... that one got pretty, ah, involving. We should just sit around and chat, or something. We don't do that often."

 

Milphey stood up, collecting the pieces and gathering them up into the wooden box of the folded board, "Well, if that's what you're in the mood to do...! Perhaps we could make some more tea. That lemon tea was quite nice! I haven't had something like that in a while."

 

There was a comfortable silence as Milphey went back to the chest, putting the draughts away and pushing it back beneath the table. Gateau was inspecting his cup - in the end, he hadn't managed to drink all of his tea, and now it was quite cold. Shrugging, he supposed there was no harm in finishing it - it was cold, but admittedly it tasted alright like that. A nice surprise. Then, something occurred to him.

 

"Hey... Milphey?"

 

"Yes, Gateau-chan?"

 

"You know how... Carrot's trying to get Marron to have a normal relationship and stuff...?"

 

"Well, I only heard that from you, but... yes, what about it?"

 

"Maybe... maybe it's 'cause of... all the kinds of things you were on about? Like... the way Marron is about Carrot, it's affecting how he has relationships with other people. I dunno if Carrot himself would actually think about it like that, but maybe it's something he's subconsciously realised? That Marron loves him... too much, I guess...? If you can love somebody too much, I mean. When it's like that, it's..."

 

"It's...?"

 

"... Carrot says either me or you, but... you can't really make somebody love you, can you...? Especially not someone like Marron..."

 

"I don't think we could find that out unless we were able to get rid of Carrot-chan somehow... but I think the effect that that would have on Marron-chan would lead to anything but love, or anything else. It's something we just have to work around, really."

 

The one point that was primarily on Gateau's mind... there didn't seem to be any subtle way in which to word it.

 

"... Milphey."

 

Milphey spoke as he walked back over to the sofa he'd been sitting on, "Yes, Gateau-chan?"

 

"The person Marron loves. That person he's always on about. It is Carrot, isn't it?"

 

Sitting himself back on the sofa, Milphey only smiled, "I don't think we can draw a conclusion like that..."

 

"But it is, isn't it?"

 

"... Is that what you think?"

 

"I can't see how it'd be anybody else... jeez. It's too weird. It's not like you can make somebody love you or anything, and I guess you can't help who you fall in love with, either... but I guess... I dunno. It just seems that Marron's too eager to cling to Carrot than to do anything else. Kinda like he's scared to do anything else. I guess it could be that he loves Carrot the most... but then it's like... in what way? Is it like the stuff you were on about, where it's different people for different things? I mean... if... if you were gonna love somebody... you... you wouldn't... you wouldn't want your own brother, would you...!? I don't even get how come Marron idolizes Carrot so much as it is, but... he... wouldn't be that messed up, would he...? I could get it if it was all of that, but... just... all the times Marron mentioned that person he wouldn't even name... some of the things he said..."

 

Gateau shook his head, "It's too creepy... I dunno. I still can't help but think that Marron was just trying to put me off with all of that..."

 

"Maybe, either that or draw you in closer."

"Huh?"

 

"Give you some kind of unknown rival to fight against. Make you try to want him more, since you knew there was a challenge involved."

 

"Mmmn... maybe..."

 

Milphey stood up, picking up the empty cups from the table, then holding them to his chest. He couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable; after all that they'd been talking about, it was a reasonable assumption to make that indeed Carrot was the one that Marron felt so keenly for - Milphey had always been quite of the opinion that one would have to be blind or in denial to not notice such a thing. However... Gateau wasn't stupid, but who could say what Marron thought of him? Milphey didn't know if Gateau would try to raise such a subject with Marron or not. No matter what he thought of the relationship, fraternal or platonic or sexual as it may or may not have been, would Marron's first instinct not be to blame Milphey for saying too much?

 

"We should take these cups back to the kitchen. Ah... and... Gateau-chan?"

 

Gateau stood up to join Milphey, "Yeah?"

 

"Don't mention anything to Marron."

 

"Huh?"

 

"About Carrot."

 

There was something terribly serious about Milphey's expression and tone of voice as he spoke. The matter was so serious? Gateau hadn't really been planning on saying anything anyway...

 

"I wasn't really gonna..."

 

"Well, just in case. Whether Carrot is or isn't the one that Marron loves... in whatever way... I don't think he would appreciate you accusing him or even asking him if he's in love with his own blood relation... alright? Even you admit that that's something strange..."

 

If nothing else, Gateau could at least recognize the gravity of Milphey's tone, "Well... y-yeah, okay. Though... I dunno if he'd... he's been doing the same thing for so long I dunno if he'd know how to do anything else... I mean, who'd choose to love Carrot like that of their own free will? He's an unbeautiful dolt!"

 

There was at least humour in that; Milphey smiled, "Tell the Misu sisters that."

 

"And get my ass flayed into next week? No thanks!"

 

The two of them left that front room laughing easily.

 

The walk back to the kitchen involved walking along a long corridor, of which there were arched windows that showed the garden outside. The day still seemed bright but cold, somehow... trees shook in the continuing breeze, and as Milphey walked along, he couldn't help but spot Marron outside, sitting beneath one of the larger trees in the garden. It was a little too far away to tell, but he seemed to be... meditating? Probably. Milphey nudged Gateau, "Speak of the devil."

 

"Huh? Oh... oh, yeah."

 

They wound to a halt, leaning against the windowframe, pausing to look at he who they'd just spent the last little while discussing so deeply.

 

"See... looking at him like that, it's just a bit weird..."

 

"Mm?"

 

"Looking at him sitting there like that, you wouldn't think that he was so amazingly messed up."

 

"Well, I think that's a little unkind..."

"Don't you see what I'm saying, though? He's just sitting there all peaceful. Still damned pretty. You'd never think he could get up to such weird things sometimes..."

 

"You have a point..."

 

"So..."

 

"So...?"

 

"... If we were to just go up to him and go 'I'm gonna fuck you', huh..."

 

Milphey laughed, "What, both of us?! My my, that's not something I'd considered before..."

 

Gateau realised his little slip-up; they looked at each other, they laughed. Surely as much as Marron would be disorientated by one person asking, surely it'd be outright bizarre for two people to ask...!

 

It still seemed amazing just how much Milphey was willing to psycho-analyse Marron, though. Perhaps there had been a glimpse of feeling, but Gateau still didn't feel he quite understood Milphey's point of view... why would somebody be so interested in somebody like that? Then again, nobody said the attraction had to be sexual. If nothing else, they'd just spent the last hour or so talking about how, essentially, desire didn't have to be sexual in origin... perhaps sometimes it was possible to just want somebody without knowing why or even how. Did Marron want Carrot? If so... he wanted him to do what...?

 

There was a slight wistful sigh from Milphey, "I suppose we can only wait for things to eventually sort themselves out. Marron hasn't always been so fractious after all, has he? His frustrations have been building... I'm sure they'll eventually fall away."

 

"Or something'll happen."

 

"Or that. But when it comes to that one, part of me dreads to think what... I think, though, we can only watch. He's not somebody who can be kept or contained unless he wants to be kept or contained... like the wind, I suppose. He'll do what he pleases for as far as he can manage... and I suppose people like us are powerless to stop him, aren't we?"

 

"I guess. It's still annoying, though."

 

"What is?"

 

"That he's such a nice person most of the time. I mean, if he was always bitchy and snide and weird then it'd be easier to hate him... as it is, it just feels like I'm the one being resentful and unforgiving since most of the time he's just so calm... makes me look like I'm in the wrong."

 

Milphey patted Gateau's arm, "That'll eventually fall away too, in time. You can't blame yourself for what happened. As things are at the moment, I think he can only work things out for himself, and try to come to his own conclusions. He'll make a decision for himself eventually."

 

"I guess..."

 

They fell into silence, watching Marron again. So calm and peaceful... sitting there on his own like that, he really did seem to fit into some kind of perfect template. It still seemed so hard to fit that person sitting there with the person who'd acted so unreasonably, in Gateau's mind... but, perhaps Milphey was right. He needed time to himself, needed time to work things out. Perhaps, in the end, they could be reasonably close friends once again - even nothing more than that could be acceptable. Anything more than that could just become unwieldy.

 

Then, as they watched, Tira appeared from somewhere. She walked up to Marron, seemed to be saying something to him... disturbing him? Why would Tira wish to disturb him? Glancing across the way showed that Chocolat was waiting nearby. Both of the Misu sisters?... Then, to Milphey and Gateau's slight surprise, Marron stood up - was that a smile? - and walked off with Tira, joined Chocolat, and the three of them walked off to somewhere past their combined field of vision.

 

"... Huh. Weird."

 

"Perhaps Marron-chan just felt like taking a break?"

 

"I guess... wouldn't have had Tira down as to somebody who could easily disturb him, though..."

 

"Perhaps she was feeling brave today. Anyway... weren't we going to take these cups back to wash?"

 

"Ah? Ah, oh yeah."

 

Milphey was already walking off. Supposing that perhaps Marron did just want to spend time with the Misu sisters, Gateau shrugged it off, and upped his pace to catch up with Milphey.

 

****

 

Several hours after that, it was beginning to get dark. As far as days could sometimes go, Marron had been quite pleased with the way that that one had turned out. He'd managed to maintain a decent mood throughout the day, despite some questionable patches with Milphey and Carrot... if one were to take the day on basic value, not only had he acquired a present from Milphey but he'd also been tickled by his brother, and if that wasn't something to think about and smile at, what was? Even if it only proved that Carrot could be fickle... it seemed that he wasn't entirely unforgiving, either. Or perhaps the things that Gateau had said during that last mission had been right, maybe Carrot just hadn't been in the mood, and had said something quickly without realising the consequence... even Marron would admit that Carrot was the kind of person who spoke before really thinking about it, a lot of the time.

 

Marron hadn't been expecting the Misu sisters to turn up as he'd been studying. At first he'd been a little bit surprised, Tira asking if he wanted to join her and Chocolat down to Facade for a drink or so... there hadn't really been any reason to refuse in the end, and so Marron had happily joined them. It made a change, anyway... Tira only continued to prove herself as somebody pleasant to be with and talk to, and Chocolat had been happily contented also. It seemed that she was quite curious about that mission he and Gateau had had together... it'd taken quite a bit of convincing to get her to believe that nothing had happened between he and Gateau for the entire time - and despite the line of the conversation, Marron hadn't been able to help laughing as he'd spoken. She really was eager to know about such relationships, wasn't she? And she made such brazen comments... but in the company, again, they could only be amusing.

 

Somehow it'd felt quite liberating to have been able to spend an afternoon like that. Nothing serious, nothing had happened outside of visiting usual haunts and talking over hot drinks, and then just gentle conversation and humorous exchange, but... that kind of everyday conversation, that was something Marron felt he lacked, sometimes. Conversation was something that felt difficult, sometimes. In any case, Marron felt he'd have to spend more time with the Misu sisters in that fashion; it was quite relaxing. He hadn't managed to cover as much of his magical study as he'd originally wished, but... in comparison to the peace of mind he'd gained otherwise, surely that was worth it? Marron didn't regret the former in comparison to the latter.

 

Currently, Marron was in his study, finishing tidying his books up. He'd left them out as he'd been talking to Milphey that morning, and then had been so preoccupied with that thing Milphey had had, he hadn't managed to finish sorting and arranging. It was late but perhaps a little too early to sleep, and Marron didn't feel quite tired. There was still time to sort out the books before sleeping, in any case.

 

Nobody said he had to sort out the books, but... as far as his own reasoning went, he'd left them like that, it'd only be disorganized to leave them like that. Besides... as well as the physical task itself... it had a kind of monotony to it that allowed Marron's mind to wander as he applied himself. It allowed him to revel in that kind of end-of-the-day feeling, let him think about the events of the day, sort them in his mind... not that there was a lot to sort, but it was nice to look back on happy memories. It seemed altogether too quiet in the study by that point, but the silence was also treasured somehow... he wasn't sure why, but the quiet atmosphere and the sky that darkened above him out of the window only seemed to lend itself to the setting of the room. It was the end of the day, it felt like the end of the day.

 

It was dark outside by the time Marron was finished with his books. He didn't quite realise the darkness of the room until he looked up from the shelves in front of him and realised that there were even stars in the outside sky... was it really suddenly so late? Perhaps he'd taken his time sorting his books... looking to the side, even Mi-chan was curled up on top of the rightmost bookcase, asleep. Marron stood up, glancing down at the bookshelf... well, that was sorted. That was sorted, the cat was asleep, it was dark outside... maybe Carrot wondered where he was? It'd been a while since they'd last seen each other. Thinking about it... he hadn't even gone through to say he'd returned from his trip out to Facade, had he? He hadn't had a chance to say he was going, either... Tira had asked him so suddenly... so really, the last time he'd seen Carrot had been back that morning...

 

Picking up two books he felt he needed, Marron held them tightly as he went to the door of the room. Opened it quietly, shut it with the same sentiment. He walked down the corridor, thinking only of returning to the bedroom, being able to see Carrot... perhaps he'd be asleep already, but even if that was the case, it'd be nice to be able to see him again. A day spent in the company of the Misu sisters was nice, but of course, Chocolat would keep on about her darling, about how he'd obviously be hers someday... Marron couldn't help but wonder, would that ever come true? Would Carrot indeed ever be hers? Would he make some kind of decision like that? Carrot had had a preference against disturbing the equilibrium of the group, but then again, there had been other things he'd said in the past that he was now going back upon, what did that say of his serious thoughts?

 

However, thoughts like those only brought unwanted feeling, and so Marron had had to focus himself back on the immediate things that Tira and Chocolat had been saying. It was the same logic as dissuading his unwanted thoughts, and as the afternoon had progressed, Marron felt he really realised how long it'd been since things had been like that. Times recent, it felt like it was all he could do to bear the brunt of his emotions and feel things no matter what... it was a question of control, of willpower, of self-discipline. Of not betraying his facade in front of Tira and Chocolat. He didn't want them enquiring after anything strange he said or did.

 

Had his self-control really dropped so terribly? Well... in comparison to some times in the past, technically he was better. Technically. When he'd been with Gateau... all sorts of things had happened then, hadn't they? Things Marron had wanted to do, things Marron hadn't been able to feel like he could control... even recently, with Milphey. That hadn't been a controlled situation, had it? Not that Milphey had tried to control it any, and then to see how that had turned out... though perhaps Milphey had thought it best to let things run their natural course, see if things would be allowed to run their natural course... now it seemed that things were slightly more serious than that, but... alright, that was a matter for another situation. It didn't immediately change anything to know that nothing would immediately change.

 

When it came to the physical, on the whole, Marron felt that he'd achieved some kind of constant state for himself. He didn't even bother trying to masturbate anymore, feeling he still knew that pointless. And after all, to masturbate would be to think of shameful things (if any kind of feeling was to be potent, surely it had to have a fantasy associated with it)... think of shameful things, think of Carrot... to think of anybody else would be a betrayal, wouldn't it? Even in his own mind, it would be a betrayal. That said, to think of Carrot was a betrayal in itself - there was guilt and there was shame, and then the further guilt from the excitement that former guilt and shame brought... but unrelated to that, there was a more basic kind of shame, the kind Marron had expressed to Milphey during one of their past conversations. To think of Carrot could be thrilling, but to twist his image even in dreams... to change the mental impression so terribly, for such selfish ends... that was the kind of shame that brought a more honest guilt. Honest guilt that could fuel the continual repression, whether Marron was entirely aware of that or not.

 

A night could be filled with endless thoughts, and Marron didn't stop his thoughts as he continued down the corridor. In a way, to justify such things as being exciting was only a way to pacify his own guilt, was it not...? Still, if Carrot ever was disgusted enough to show only violence, even pain would have to be treasured as a physical sensation, wouldn't it...?

 

As if Carrot would react with violence anyway. To think of Carrot's unforgiving face and such punishments... those were only more products of a sick and twisted mind. Marron sighed slightly to himself, glancing out of one of the arch windows. Those sentiments never lessened, but it was possible to escape them sometimes, just slightly... to be able to spend afternoons in a relaxed fashion, to be able to behave in a normal fashion with normal people...

 

Perhaps it was better to be able to act normally, to act naturally; Carrot had some perception of that, but exactly what his definition was, was something that Marron felt he couldn't ask for... probably, at least, normal in comparison to past relationships. Normal in comparison to things that had happened with Gateau. So much had depended on the loss of power and the force of seduction that Gateau just hadn't been willing to go for... at times, hadn't he protested that it was better to be gentle and natural? Was there any question of waiting for something like that? Marron leant against the windowsill, overseeing the gardens in darkness. The longer the wait went on, the more hopeless it seemed. For anybody else, it would have to be forcing things... wouldn't it? Force feeling out of him, force emotion, force anything in that perhaps it would draw a true feeling... for the only true feelings he felt he could feel, were that which he also felt he perhaps shouldn't feel, or shouldn't want to feel... that was a dilemma in itself. Did he really want to prevent his feelings for Carrot?

 

The alternative seemed less emotionally charged, but somewhat more peaceful. To be able to be... normal. To function as a proper brother did. To be able to maintain a fraternal relationship, to be trusted and to be loved but to know a separation between that and other relationships... to be able to watch the other sibling have relationships, to have experiences, to be able to be genuinely happy...

 

Perhaps all relationships of that kind held some kind of emotion, some kind of jealousy. Parents who would cry at a child's wedding, the emotional joy of inevitable growth... siblings who would protest at a girlfriend or boyfriend snatching away the attention of their treasured other sibling. Perhaps meant half in jest, but anybody would be at least slightly ruffled by the removal of attention, would they not?... But then things would settle, and things would be accepted. Love and feeling would be confirmed, and things would work themselves to a kind of circle.

 

You could gain nothing by being jealous for somebody you had no right to be jealous for.

 

The thought could perhaps have been a depressing one, but the mood that pervaded Marron's mind, he could only think of things with an apathetic sense of acceptance. He had no social right to be so possessive of Carrot. It had its practical uses, more than once he'd saved Carrot quite spectacularly due to said feeling, but... Carrot was his own person with his own needs, wants, desires and drives. To think about it, could one justify being jealous of anybody... to be annoyed by Chocolat's flirtation for how close she would always get to Carrot, that was something that was annoying, but as far as her interests went... she loved Carrot, didn't she? She wasn't aware of any rivalry, no matter how much Marron stared into the back of her head in some failed psychic attempt... she loved Carrot, she had the assets she felt could impress him, she wasn't the kind of person to hold back things that she felt. She was the sort of person to seize on opportunity.

 

Milphey, though a different classification entirely, was the same sort of person. For quite some time had there been negative feeling towards him, just slightly... the relationship was different now and Marron knew it, but there were still some events that he wondered on, wondered just how far Milphey had (or hadn't) got with his treasured niisan... the knowledge that possibly neither would ever tell only stung further. To think that there were secrets that Carrot would keep...! Things that he would never say, things that Marron would never know...! You could never know everything about a person, but you could damn well try your best, and when you had such advantages in relation, you could only use those to the positive...

 

To be able to know Carrot...

 

To be able to have the chance to know Carrot...

 

Surely those were the only things Marron really asked for? To be able to have some kind of guarantee that there would be some kind of loyalty that would always remain, that even just a part of Carrot could remain always his, no matter what... that didn't have to be sexual. If there could be a manner, a tone of voice, even a kind of smile that Carrot gave Marron that he gave to nobody else... to know that he held something secret, something special...

 

To know that he held a special place in Carrot's heart? That was the underlying thing that whispered to Marron's mind, but arguably he had that already. He was Carrot's little brother and as far as he knew Carrot didn't hate him, so surely there had to be at least some kind of recognition there, some kind of part of Carrot that accepted and loved Marron for something or other... you couldn't grow up alongside somebody so steadfastly, share so many experiences with somebody without making some kind of impression. That was true for all of them, but... the feeling was different for some than for others...

 

Rarely had Marron ever considered the Misu sisters. In comparison, Gateau (and Milphey, in a different sort of way) was something entirely foreign. That could have been seen as both a positive and a negative point.

 

To really think about it however, most things that had happened, seemed to happen as some kind of reflex action. Something would happen, it would spur a reaction. That seemed common sense, anything that happened surely had to have a cause, but when it came to specific events... even that first time doing anything with Gateau had happened because Gateau had walked in on him, hadn't it? You couldn't help being swayed by the object of your desire, and more than once had Carrot's words or actions had such effect on Marron. Many times in the hazy past had Carrot's nightly habits stirred Marron's mood to the same. More recently... hadn't even that time with Milphey happened after managing to successfully stimulate Carrot?

 

Everything seemed to operate nicely until a situation presented itself with something irresistible. The same could have been said of many things, but Marron realised that he had some kind of problem when it came to judging just what to do when presented with irresistible things. By the very nature of the word, it implied that one couldn't resist... and indeed, he found himself in situations where he either didn't want to resist or felt that he couldn't resist (if he even had the mindframe to think about that in the first place), but... had those ever led to anything positive? It seemed that each event and experience only showed him just how far he'd travelled down a mistaken path, how much there was that just wasn't possible, given his personality and his feelings, whatever monsters those had grown to become in recent times...

 

That came back to the thoughts of forcing things, forcing emotions. Given the alternative... there seemed to be no alternative. He either continued on in his feelings for Carrot, or changed to something - someone - else. In black-and-white terms... that was it. Or perhaps just deflect the feelings of Carrot in favour of... of the kinds of things that spiritualists and the like spoke of. Marron would have been the first to admit that he was more attuned to that kind of behaviour than perhaps the other Sorcerer Hunters, but he couldn't quite find himself quite convinced by the near-monastic sort of lifestyle... he wasn't sure he was at the right point in life to be able to make such a decision. There were other things. To dedicate oneself fully to one's descent into a purer life, there would be things that would have to be given up, discarded, changed... and Marron doubted that any higher mental order would accept the fact that he was in the line of work that, basically, involved killing people. That was usually low on the list of tolerances, but one couldn't help being born a Sorcerer Hunter... he was stained by his work as well as his personal agenda.

 

Smiling slightly to himself, Marron supposed that that was why the Stella Church both maintained public support and also controlled an underground organization such as the Sorcerer Hunters. A stricter religion would never condone such a thing, but could one even call the backbone of the Famille Empire a religion...? It was something that fed the masses, but seemed to do little more than that. Big Mama seemed to be a goddess, but of what...? If she indeed had such power, why didn't she directly address the problems of the Continent herself? Marron supposed that that would depend on the sort of powers that Big Mama had, and while she was certainly powerful, even he wasn't sure he knew quite what her powers involved. That was something that was only on a need-to-know basis, probably. Did even the Haz Knights know of her power? Was that something they needed to know? They probably wouldn't tell, even if requested.

 

Going back to a further train of thought, thinking upon self-control and self-discipline... well, didn't a lot of orders speak of higher pleasures and lower pleasures? The former being that which opened the mind and fed the soul, the latter being that which pleased the body... that probably depended on perception, but Marron couldn't help but feel convinced by that argument, the further he continued on. Did not his preoccupation with the lower distract him from all else? He wasn't quite sure what kind of higher things he'd be trying to pursue, but given the loss of control associated with such emotions, then perhaps they couldn't have practical mental application...

 

Such things could possibly be better in moderation. To would out that would be to work out a standard, and to work out that would be to have a confidence and stability that Marron didn't feel that he had. The context of a relationship could account for a lot of that, but then one had to take the relationship itself into account, and...

 

Marron yawned, and the action caused him to lose his train of thought. Realizing he was still staring out of the window, he looked at himself with amusement. He really had time to be standing around corridors at night, musing on deep matters of life and other things? There were such things that could be considered 'higher', thinking so deeply on matters... there was also a comfortable and inviting bed in a room not too far away from his current global position, beckoning him silently but quite certainly. Marron turned on his heel and carried on back towards the bedroom. He wasn't sure what time it was, but knew it had to be late by that point. Nobody had made any kind of move down the corridor for as long as Marron had been standing in it, and that felt like it'd been a long time... other people obviously had better things to do. Like sleep. Sleep sounded like a good idea.

 

Reaching the bedroom, Marron supposed that Carrot would already be asleep. It was late, nobody else seemed to be moving around, and Carrot was usually the first one to choose sleep as something to do, if there was a choice in it. Always mindful of his brother, Marron opened the door as carefully and quietly as he could manage; past concerns had been similar, and Marron knew just the right way to hold the doorhandle and press it to the side just slightly to prevent loud metallic sounds or elongated door creaks. Not that Carrot was an especially light sleeper, but... that didn't matter. If he ever did disturb Carrot by doing something insignificant like that, he knew he could only feel guilty. Marron stepped into the room; it was dark. He couldn't see if Carrot was in bed or not, but Marron didn't feel especially aware of anybody else in the room... being able to sense those little things was almost second nature, and it seemed a bit strange that there wouldn't be that feeling... had something happened?

 

"... Niisan?"

 

Marron's voice was a whisper. No reply to that. If Carrot was asleep then he certainly wouldn't answer, but then again, if he wasn't there then he wouldn't be able to answer either. Perhaps he'd gone to get a drink? It was possible. Marron didn't recall having heard anybody walk along the corridor, but he had been so engrossed in the books he'd been sorting, listening for distant footsteps hadn't been his initial mental priority... that had at least been while he'd been in his study. He'd been in the outside corridor for quite a while, though... it didn't take so long to get a drink, did it? Even going down to the kitchens could be done quickly if you knew what you were doing.

 

That said, somebody as clumsy as Carrot could sometimes be, fumbling around in the darkness, trying to find a cup, a drink... well. Perhaps it was possible that he would take his time.

 

Maybe Carrot had ended up sleepwalking? It wasn't a habit he seemed to possess, indeed it'd been something that had more seemed to afflict Marron during the later years of his childhood, but perhaps something or other had stirred Carrot's mind into action...? If that had happened, that was a little more serious to think about. Back at Mount St Hordic it had been easier, their house had been smaller and there were fewer places to get lost or fall and hurt yourself, but... well, Marron liked to think he would have been aware had Carrot fallen down the stairs at the end of the corridor. Given the amount of noise Carrot made while partaking in any kind of task, most of Eden probably would have been aware if that had happened. Though, even though it obviously hadn't happened yet, if he had walked off somewhere like that, was there not that danger...?

 

One could worry about such things all night, but then... there was also the possibility that Carrot had just gone to the toilet. The room seemed generally silent and there didn't seem to be any nearby noise (of any kind)... perhaps he'd fallen asleep in there?

 

Just to make sure that his initial suspicions were correct, Marron quietly stepped over to their beds. He leant over Carrot's bed... dropped a hand down... if he woke Carrot, then he could truthfully speak of his concerns. His fingers met cold bedsheets - Carrot wasn't there, and it felt as if he hadn't been there for a while. The covers were disturbed, that meant that obviously Carrot had been in bed at some point, but at what point...? Marron slipped his hand down to the folds of the lower sheets. If a bedcover was left unfolded then of course it was going to lose heat quicker, but... even the lower part of the bed felt cold.

 

Marron stood up. Would Carrot spend that long in the bathroom? Perhaps for a bath or so, but... so late at night? Then surely there would also be splashing. He wasn't sure...

 

Trying to occupy himself and tell himself that it was nothing, Marron quickly set about changing from his robes to his nightclothes, changing into the shirt he'd left for himself earlier on in the day. It was at that point that Marron heard a noise. Not Carrot... but it certainly seemed to be coming from the bathroom. Curious and a little suspicious, Marron carefully padded over to the wall that held the bathroom on the other side. He didn't want to alert any untoward presence to his being there... he felt along the wall for the door then pressed himself against it, an ear to the wood.

 

Gchk chkchkchkchk. Gchk chkchkchkchk chk chkk.

 

Clunk.

 

Zii-zii-zii-zii.

 

Chk chk chk chk chk chkchkchkchkchkchkchk.

 

"... haaaAHN..."

 

No, that was Carrot's voice, Marron was sure of it. But... his voice, doing what? What were those other sounds? Was Carrot in some sort of pain?... Marron didn't know if it was just that his thought process was so horribly horribly biased, but he didn't sound pained... at least, not in the kind of way that would draw concern... Marron continued to listen in against the door, trying to make out any other sounds. The primary sound was the chk-ing sound, that was louder now... what would make a noise like that? Had a mouse got in? Perhaps Carrot was trying to catch it. No, why would Carrot be trying to catch a mouse? The sound died down again.

 

"Nnnhnn... hhn... hhn..."

 

Things only happened because other things caused them to happen. Arousal was something to be ignored and buried, apart from the case where it was somewhat inflicted, and then you couldn't help that. Marron had his suspicions as to what the noises were, but he wasn't sure he even wanted to admit them to himself... but the mental images were quite inviting, he couldn't help but admit that, despite himself...

 

Perhaps a double check was necessary. Marron quietly and quickly made his way across the room, to where the chest of drawers was. It was open. Clothes had been moved. Something else had been removed entirely.

 

"Oh... god."

 

It would have perhaps been the sensible option to remain ignorant. Pretend nothing had happened, pretend nothing had been seen, pretend he was asleep, and hope that once Carrot had done, he wouldn't say anything, and presume Marron was asleep to have not seen anything to question in the first place. Ignorance was, as they said, bliss... there was the small matter of lying in that Marron found himself incapable of such a thing at the best of times, but would Carrot ever ask...?

 

Despite the pullings of common sense that lured him over to his bed... Carrot's passionate moans were impossible to hear and not think of in that fashion...! Even if it was wrong, even if it was using the image of Carrot for a deviant purpose... he was behind the bathroom door and he was involved in practices just as deviant. To imagine Carrot with... with that thing...! How would he wish to use it? Where would he wish to use it? What kind of thought process led him to the decision to use something he'd deemed as being so perverted in the first place?!

 

Marron found himself soon next to the bathroom door again, knelt in front of it, ear pressed to it, one hand rapidly losing the rational argument as to why it shouldn't dare explore between his legs... the futility of masturbation was a prominent factor, but arousal was arousal and when such chances arose, you didn't pass them up...

 

Carrot only continued. Marron pressed a hand to his mouth so that the risks of him being heard were lessened, but... as far as he could take himself, he continued also.