Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Redemption ❯ Chapter 1

~Redemption~

 

 

Dammit.

 

I can't believe it!!

 

No, I mean, REALLY, why?!

 

Out of all the... jeez. Out of all the places, why did we have to end up somewhere like this?

 

Loads of cute girls, though. Walkin' around town today, there were just so many cute chicks! Ohh yeah. If the three I talked to were anything to go by, this place is just full of cute, nice girls!!

 

Feel a little bad, though. I did have to ditch Marron, after all. After we decided to go investigate together, too... but hey, he's a big boy now, he doesn't need me to hold his hand or anything. Besides, it's not like I WANTED to be walking around Redemption with him... aaah... Shiyal-chan... she's so cute!! We've only known her for a day or two, but she's so adorable, with her blonde hair and green eyes and oh oh oh she's so adorable!!

 

There must be some kind of fate against me getting anywhere near her. I have the feeling that that fate has pink hair, glasses, and a large mallet ready and waiting for the back of my head.

 

No, but... even when we were in Western Town, couldn't get anywhere near her! So close... I was as quiet as I coulda possibly BEEN, creeping up to her bed, ready to pounce... I could almost feel her soft hair beneath my fingertips, see the delicate curve of that beautiful face...

 

... unfortunately, it wasn't HER bed.

 

I almost ended up hitting on...

 

... w-well, it wasn't her bed, and it wasn't Tira's bed. It... it was Marron's bed.

 

Just to think! I coulda ended up hitting on Marron!! Ugh, that's Gateau's job.

 

That makes me think of now.

 

So, we've been travelling with Shiyal-chan for a couple of days. We went to Western Town, then the forest of Damando... on getting there, we met this dude, Doredo... damn, he was a bastard. He had a gun and he liked using it, damn... he almost shot Tira, and... he was about to shoot Marron... I couldn't let him do that, could I?

 

Hurt more than anything when he shot me, I mean, that was REAL pain there... but... he could've shot Marron, y'know? I don't really get many opportunities to protect my little brother these days... but hey, the opportunity was there, not like anyone ELSE was gonna do anything. If Gateau'd been there then he'da probably smashed Doredo into the ground before we could blink, but Gateau wasn't there, and... Marron's shock was almost painful to hear, he just sounded so worried... but if he'da got shot, I woulda sounded the same.

 

That little brother of mine can certainly kick ass, though. Doredo was brutal, but... well, eventually Marron managed to magic his ass into the ground. After single-handedly defeating Doredo's two lackeys, too... it's weird, I can't help but admire him for that, his strength and his magic and stuff, but... I don't know, I just can't get over him being so POWERFUL... he's my little brother!! Shouldn't I be the powerful protective one?

 

Still, it's not like I did anything to help... trying to flirt with that chick... they were so obviously up to no good, but... hey, if I managed to get on her good side, maybe she wouldn't attack us?

 

I sigh. That's a stupid reason, even for me.

 

She WAS kinda sexy, though. In an evil sort of way.

 

My shoulder's okay now, though. Tira healed me up, good as new. Marron could have done the same thing, I kinda wonder why he didn't... Tira was eager to help after passing out earlier on, though. Maybe she felt a little guilty.

 

Couldn't help but notice, though... while she was healing me, Marron kept kinda... STARING... maybe he was shocked, though. I'd understand if he was, I mean, Doredo's attack was pretty bad. But when I looked at him, asked him if he was okay, he just quickly looked away...

 

... mainly, I couldn't help but notice that blush...

 

I think it was a blush, anyway. Either that or he was just a bit rosy-cheeked after that attack.

 

I think it was probably the latter.

 

Probably.

 

After we had that encounter in the forest, we came to where we are right now, Redemption, Shiyal's hometown. According to her, the place was destroyed ten years ago in a huge explosion, which was when Shiyal got separated from her older sister, Gelnika.

 

I wonder if Gelnika was cute?

 

Anyway... yeah. We've been around all day gathering information... Tira suggested we split up into pairs.

 

Cha~~nce!!

 

I could pair off with Shiyal-chan, and... I know she's quiet, but she's got to fall for my charm eventually, right? Just a little time alone together... the two of us... me... Shiyal-chan...

 

Unfortunately, seems that Marron and Tira had already thought of that, they wouldn't even let me finish the sentence before telling me off for that. So they made me choose between them, either go with Tira, or go with Marron.

 

Went with Marron. He's less likely to smash me in the back of my head for even LOOKING at a girl. And besides, I've seen how girls react with Marron, all laughing and squealing and blushing... Shiyal-chan's quiet, but what if she was wandering around with Marron and ended up falling for him or something? I'd never have a chance then!

 

Damn him for being such a handsome little bastard. His looks, that deep, sensual voice... jeez, pisses me off.

 

... Not that I think his voice is sensual, it's just, it is, y'know? Not that I... well, whatever. It's the kind of thing that chicks dig. And he has it and doesn't care. Again, pisses me off.

 

But yeah... walking around town with Marron. I felt like I was being babysat or something... Marron's so dedicated, wondering where we could go to get information, thinking about things we've learnt... who cares? It's a new town, it's somewhere we've never been... how could anyone want to pass up that chance? All those girls!!

 

If Marron wants to go hunt for information, he doesn't really need ME to do it, does he? And anyway, he wouldn't let me chase girls. He'd go on about the mission, say about how we didn't have time for that... that, and if any girls saw me and saw Marron they'd probably crush me in the stampede to get to him.

 

So that was how come I needed to ditch him, y'know?

 

He looked kinda shocked, he called for me to wait, but I just ran off and left him...

 

I managed to meet cute girls, none of them'd let me get a little closer, and I didn't see Shiyal-chan anywhere... I eventually managed to fall asleep on this little hill I found. Well, it was quiet, it was nice, why not? My night before that was disturbed way too much by the fact I almost groped Marron in his sleep, too scary.

 

Of course, I got a rude awakening from Tira... she's so much more bitchy when Chocolat's not around!! Of course, if Chocolat's around, I just get asskicked and whippings from the both of them, so... no rest for the wicked. Not that I even get a chance to BE wicked, but... hey.

 

When Tira dragged me back to the inn, Marron and Shiyal-chan were already waiting for us. Marron asked me where I'd gone... can't remember what I said. Just the look in his eyes was enough to make me feel bad... he SOUNDED calm enough, asking me where I'd been as if he was asking me the time of day, but... something in his eyes seemed like it was hurting, kinda... or so it seemed like to me, anyway. Maybe it's just me being weird, but... I sat down quickly and let the conversation steer itself into a different direction.

 

After listening to what the other guys managed to find out, time for sleep. Tira said night, and even Shiyal-chan said goodnight. The other night she just said nothing, so maybe she's warming up to us a little.

 

When we got into the room, thaaaat was when we realized something.

 

Only one bed.

 

A double bed, but still.

 

ONLY ONE BED.

 

Marron had just taken the situation with generally good humour, "I suppose we'll have to share, niisan."

 

I couldn't really argue with that, could I? I mean... if I said that one of us should take the floor, then he'd probably insist that if I didn't want to sleep next to him then he should be the one to take the floor, if I said I wanted him to have the bed he probably wouldn't even listen... 'sides, wouldn't it be kinda childish of me to get worked up over something like that? Just because I had to share a bed with him... nothing bad, is it? We're brothers, it's not like anything like THAT would happen, is it? It's only 'cause there wasn't another alternative, he knows that.

 

That's where we are right now. We talked a bit about the day's events, but... I dunno, it was weird. The conversation kept being peppered by all these pauses... I couldn't think of anything to say, seems like he couldn't either... and it's weird, because that's not really happened before. He's generally quiet, if he wants to tell me something then he'll tell me and that's the end of it, but it's not that... if there IS silence, then... it's not usually as uncomfortable as THIS silence is.

 

I wonder if he's fallen asleep?

 

I barely dare move.

 

I think he's got more of the blanket than me.

 

I wonder if he'd mind if I moved the pillow a bit?

 

Somehow, I can't sleep.

 

I kinda want to say something.

 

"... Marron, you... okay?"

 

"Yes, niisan."

 

...

 

Well, that didn't go anywhere quickly.

 

"Sure? You got kinda beat up today."

 

"Niisan got shot..."

 

"Hey, Tira healed me up fine. I'm as good as new, don't worry about that!! Couldn't let him hurt you, could I?"

 

"..."

 

"I wonder how Shiyal-chan is?"

 

I wonder if she's got to share a bed with Tira?

 

... No reply.

 

"Marron?"

 

"Niisan?"

 

I pause. So does he. Dammit...

 

"Marron, are you... sure you're alright? You're quiet...er than usual."

 

"Niisan, it's time we should be sleeping."

 

"Y-yeah..."

 

DAMMIT, we've got all silent again. Why can't we think of anything to say? ... He's right, though. We should be sleeping. That's why he keeps going quiet, 'cause he's trying to sleep, like I should be doing. Why can't I sleep, though? Maybe it's cause I napped earlier...

 

He moves a little, I feel the sheets move as he does. They're caught round him, I feel them lift.

 

I feel kinda self-conscious, sharing a bed with someone... even if it IS only my brother, I still feel like that. Bah, we always used to share a bed when we were kids, what's different?

 

Well, about ten or so years, that's what's different. He's really grown up since the weepy little crybaby I used to protect was around. I wonder when that changed? Can I even pinpoint a day, or did it happen without me even noticing? Somehow, he went from wide-eyed and innocent to calm, powerful, in control...

 

I want to roll over a bit but I don't want to disturb him. Maybe that's why I'm scared to move, in case I disturb him... if he wants to sleep, then I shouldn't take that away from him, should I?

 

Thinking of him being calm and in control... he wasn't when we fought Doredo. Well, in control yes, calm... no. He gets so angry on my behalf!

 

Then again, the guy DID shoot me. Anyone'd get angry at that.

 

Even so... all I can think of... the look afterwards, the way he looked away... I can hear him in my mind, "Wait, niisan!!"... see that shocked look on his face as I ran away from him... it's probably just the darkness making me feel a bit regretful, but... maybe I should apologise.

 

"H-hey, Marron...?"

 

"What is it, niisan?"

 

No pause between me and him; he obviously can't sleep either, else I'm sure he'd be asleep by now. I wonder why he can't sleep? Oh well.

 

"Uh... sorry for ditching you earlier. I... I... uh... yeah. Sorry about that, leaving you alone like that..."

 

"Niisan had his reasons."

 

Yeah, STUPID reasons.

 

"It's... quiet on these missions without Chocolat or Gateau, isn't it?"

 

"I hadn't noticed."

 

Yeah, right... sure you hadn't.

 

"Hey, come on. Whenever Gateau's around, he's hanging around you yapping for attention like a faithful dog. His bark sounds like 'MIIIITEEEEEEEE' and he hasn't dared bite you yet... but how could you not notice something like that?"

 

"It's inconsequential to me, niisan."

 

I wonder what he means by that. Randomly, images of Gateau pop up in my mind. Him asking Marron to sleep with him, him ripping his clothes off, always telling Marron to look at hiiiiiiim and stuff... I sigh lightly. Marron... what do you think about all of that? Is it something you just ignore? Is it something you don't care about?

 

It'd be a bit random, but I kind of want to ask Marron about him... still, all the times I've asked him before, he's never said too much. Usually gives me as much answer as he gives Gateau, a few words at best.

 

I'm different though, aren't I? If Gateau DOES annoy him or he's indifferent or whatever, then okay, so Marron's gonna ignore him... but I'm his niisan, can't he talk to me about it?

 

I screw my eyes shut. Sleep! I've got to sleep! Tomorrow's a new day, who knows what'll happen? Maybe I'll score big with Shiyal-chan! Yes... Shiyal-chan... maybe if I have a nice daydream of her, I'll be able to sleep. Hmmm, let's see... a field... it's all sunny... Shiyal-chan's running to me wearing a light dress that flows with her as she runs... she's laughing, "Carrot-san!!" she'd say... and I'd run to her, "Shiyal-chan!!"...

"CARROT NO BAKAAAAAAAAA"... then Tira'd appear from nowhere and smash me into the ground.

 

Agh, seems like I can't even have a nice peaceful daydream without Tira disturbing it. Let's try that again. Me, field, Shiyal-chan, flowy dress, "Carrot-san!", "Shiyal-chan!"... "Carrot-san, there's someone crying about you over there!"... "Huh?"

"Niisan, you abandoned me just to go girlchasing! Do I really mean that little to you?"

"Marron?"

"IKE... SUZAKU!!"

 

ARGH

 

Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead, I don't think my mind's gonna let me have a nice peaceful dream of me and Shiyal-chan.

 

Hnn... I've apologised, but I don't really feel... well, it's like... I apologised, but Marron just brushed it off... like he brushes everything else off, really. Can't he just accept that I'm sorry? I don't want him to try and justify it... he never gets angry with me. If it's me, he can just accept the behaviour, because it's me...

 

I stare at the other side of the room. I almost wish he WOULD get pissed off with me, it's not that I want him to hit me down as much as the Misu sisters do (though he might have good reason), it's weird, it's just... when he just accepts the things that I do, sometimes that feels worse. I swear, I could murder someone and he'd just nod and sigh and accept it as something that niisan did... maybe I should try apologizing to him again?

 

"... Marron, I AM sorry for earlier."

 

"Just sleep, niisan. It's late."

 

He sounds calm... kinda distant. I feel my heart sink; can't I say "I'm sorry" and have him go "I know you are, I accept that"...

 

I listen to his breathing a little. Is he sleeping? Not sure. Probably not, but he's quiet enough for it to sound like he could be.

 

"Marron..."

 

"Niisan... what?"

 

He could sound angry, but he doesn't. Just as patient as if it was the first time I'd stopped him from sleeping in the past couple of hours.

 

I sigh, "Aren't you even a little bit angry with me?"

 

"..."

 

A pause.

 

"Marron... I'd understand if you were..."

 

"Niisan..."

 

He sounds as if he was going to say something else, but like he stopped himself at the last minute. He doesn't say anything else... this could go on all night, maybe I should just come out and say what I feel.

 

I bite my lip. I don't quite know how to say it to him.

 

Suddenly, I realise something. Something I'd always known, somewhat... but once I think of it NOW, it makes me feel that bit more uncomfortable to be here in this bed right now.

 

He's always so distant, sure. But even from ME he's distant... he didn't say he wasn't angry, but he would tell me if he was, right? ... I don't know, and I feel bad because of that. If he was angry with me, I don't think he'd SAY he was... he'd probably just keep it inside until it went away...

 

He's only next to me in the bed, but for all it means to me, instead of being on the other side of the bed, it feels as if he's on the other side of the world... he's my brother, he's supposed to be the person I'm closest to, but I barely feel close to him at all, and it bites at me that I feel like that... how did he get so distant anyway? Maybe it's just how he is, but... why, even with me? He doesn't have to be distant with me! And if it's the only thing he can be with anyone, then... that's almost a little sad, because he could be so WARM... sometimes he shows glimmers of that, mainly when we're alone together... he's quiet, but it's a warmer kind of silence, hard to explain... not that kind of silence now, though.

 

"Marron..."

 

A slight pause between that and "... What is it, niisan?"... maybe he's getting closer to sleep.

 

"If you were angry with me, you'd tell me if you were, right? I... I wouldn't mind if you WERE angry, or anything... if you wanna hit me over the head, go ahead and hit me, I, I wouldn't mind."

 

"Does niisan have some kind of craving for physical punishment?"... There's almost amusement in his voice, it's a little strange to hear, but it's a type of reaction, I guess.

 

"N-no, it's just..."

I pause again, he stays silent while I try and work out what I want to say. What can I say... I don't know. Maybe if I knew he wasn't falling asleep it'd help, though I don't think he'd fall asleep while I was talking.

 

I sit up abruptly, looking down at him. He moves his head slightly; he's got his back turned to me still, the arm closest to me draped over his stomach. He looks a little ruffled, but he's tired, I suppose. I sigh, rolling over to a slight kneel, pulling on his shoulder until he falls onto his back; now I can look at him.

 

He looks up at me, questioning me silently with those EYES... what kind of mind works behind those eyes? Dammit, Marron, just talk to me!

 

"... please. If you're angry, SAY you're angry. If it pisses you off that I ran off and left you to do all the work so I could go chase girls, SAY you're pissed off. If it upsets you that I did that, then... then say you're upset... when you just accept everything... you're so forgiving, Marron..."

 

I shift over a little, pinning him down. I'll keep him like that until he gives me an answer.

 

He's warm underneath me, where I can feel him.

 

... Why did I even notice that?

 

His body feels warm even if his distant stare doesn't.

 

"... nii-niisan..."

 

"... Marron... please... just talk to me...?"

 

He doesn't, though. Are those... is that... in his eyes... are those tears? Is he near tears? N-no, Marron doesn't get like that... but he DOES look emotional, almost.

 

"... niisan... what is there to talk about...?"

 

"Marron... you always seem to forgive me no matter what I do! Sometimes... sometimes that feels worse, I could do anything, and you'd just pass it off 'cause it was something I did... it's not that I WANT to piss you off or anything, b-but..."

 

I feel bad for leaving you. How could I leave you on your own like that, just because I wanted to...? Marron, god... I'm not surprised you act distant with me, with me not seeming to care HOW I treat you half the time... you always forgive me... do I take you for granted? What if... what if one time I left you to do something stupid and unimportant or something, and... something happened?

 

"... you always, always forgive me... why?"

 

He looks away slightly, "I can't be angry at niisan for long."

 

"But you DO get angry, right?" I move one of the hands on his shoulder to gently knock his face back into looking at me. "Look at me, Marron. You... do get angry, don't you? With me..."

 

"So-sometimes... but it's unimportant, niisan. What would be attained by remaining angry?"

 

"I just wanna know how you feel. You're always quiet and stuff, yeah, but... I kinda like to think you'd tell me what you were feeling, even if you didn't tell anyone else, y'know?"

 

Something on your face changes slightly when I say that. I don't understand, and you're not telling me what's changed...

 

"Marron, what...?"

 

"Niisan, we really should sleep now..."

 

"Marron-... Marron, stop trying to change the subject!"

 

He sounds fractionally more emotional now, "Niisan, I don't know what you want me to say!"

 

"... I don't want you to say anything, Marron. I just want you to... I... I don't want..." I pause for a second and sigh, trying to say something that'd make sense.

 

"I just want you to say what you feel. If I do something that annoys you or something, don't just sit quietly... I... I don't wanna hurt you, but if you keep forgiving me, then I don't even know if I'm doing something wrong..."

 

He's still warm underneath me. I still have him pinned to the bed... why does that thought suddenly make me blush? And why doesn't that thought make me want to leap off him and back to the empty side of the bed?

 

I want him to open up a bit more. I want him to talk to me.

 

I want to keep him close, I don't want to lose him... I don't even want to RISK losing him.

 

Me, always running off after girls... and then I get mad for Gateau trying to hit on him... Marron doesn't actively look out for stuff like that, but if he did eventually return Gateau's feelings...

 

A sudden irrational thought boils in me. I don't WANT him to do that... I don't want Gateau to have my little brother, I want him, I...

 

... I... I want him?

 

How did I mean THAT when I thought it? I mean... sure, I... I don't want to lose him or anything, I want him by my side always, I hate it when I feel distant to him because it makes me feel so lonely, almost... but... no, I... I want him, but... to do what?

 

Thoughts of Shiyal-chan seem so far away as I hesitantly lean down.

 

"... you always forgive me, otouto..."

 

He's frozen beneath me, barely daring to breathe.

 

"... forgive me..."

 

I kiss him.

 

If he was going to get upset about anything I did, if he was going to get angry about anything I did... anything like that, then... now would be the time. He could resist, he could push me away, he could run off (though I don't know where he'd run to)...

 

He doesn't do any of that. He just... lies there, unmoving. Letting me kiss him. Maybe he's... scared of saying anything?

 

I don't stop. I don't want to stop, not for the moment, at least; the movement fills the silence with something... when I stop, he might hate me...

 

I freeze at that thought, suddenly pulling back, suddenly sitting up.

 

I kissed my little brother.

 

I kissed my little brother! Not just a peck on the cheek or anything, but... the type of kiss I really shouldn't be doing with my brother... I stare down at him, almost disbelieving at my action. He just stares up at me, impassive, blushing... that's a definite blush there. Not just the vague reddening of his cheeks that comes from Gateau's latest stunt or whatever, but... a proper blush.

 

Before I can stop myself, I reach out and lightly run a finger over his cheek. It feels warm... well, it would do. He still doesn't move, he still just stares at me with that same lack of emotion... I stare into his eyes as he does mine. Lack of emotion? He seems confused... so am I.

 

"Marron... Marron, don't you even have anything to say about that?"

 

I pull my hand back. A short silence, then "... no."

 

I frown, "Marron how can you not have anything to say about that? Even Gateau's not kissed you before, has he? S-sorry, I'm just... god, I'm so screwed up, I feel so confused... but Marron, you didn't even say anything, or fight against me, or... or anything... did you want me to do that? Did you mind?"

 

No reply.

 

"Marron... you just... accepted it because it was me, didn't you? If it was Gateau, you woulda Suzaku Kaen Goku'd him into next week before he could even get close, but... Marron, I'm your brother, it- it's... I mean... I... I shouldn't have done that, right?"

 

Again, no reply.

 

"Marron? Marron, I don't wanna think I could do anything to you and have you stay silent about it, it's too creepy to think about... just for tonight, say what you feel... yell at me or something, I don't care, by tomorrow it's a new day, right?"

 

"... I don't want to shout at you, niisan. I don't want to get angry with you, because... I... I hate it when I feel angry with you, even when there's good reason... we wouldn't accomplish anything by being angry..."

 

I grab his nightshirt by the shoulders, just a little too tight... somehow, I suddenly feel like crying. I don't know what to do, I'm suddenly so confused... I drop my head and choke back a sob, but it's too late, he notices. Suddenly he sounds so concerned.

 

"Nii-niisan?! Niisan, don't cry! Niisan, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

 

I try to control my emotions but I just sound that bit more strained for my efforts.

 

"Marron, I feel so frustrated... I don't understand you, I dunno if I ever understood you, and, and, I don't know, I guess I just wanna understand you, but I can't, 'cause everytime I try to, it just confuses me even more, and I even kissed you and you didn't seem to care, what kind of person lets his brother kiss him like that and not care? Even more, what kind of sick freak kisses his brother like that in the first place?!"

 

Marron looks away suddenly as I look up; his voice is so quiet, but I don't have any problems in hearing him.

 

"... what kind of sick freak says nothing as his brother kisses him... what kind of sick freak lets that happen..."

 

He closes his eyes, "... what kind of sick freak would... want his brother to kiss him like that... again?"

 

I frown, he turns his head to look at me again. He's not impassive, he's not distant, he's not emotionless, I realise that now. I don't know what he is, but there's something there that's not any of that, I know that much.

 

"Ma-Marron..."

 

He nods, "But I can't say anything, because even though you kissed me... it's something you... it's probably something that you regret, and... I don't want to tarnish that memory with regret..."

 

"Marron, what?!"

"... you said, by tomorrow, it's a new day... just for tonight, you want me to say what I feel... by tomorrow, it's a new day and nothing has changed, is that what you're trying to say? B-because... if I said what I felt, then... if nothing changed, then it'd be so painful, but... I wouldn't want it to change for the worse... I would rather that nothing changed than risk..."

 

"Marron, stop dodging the issue, and just say what you feel, okay? I... I promise I won't hate you, or anything... I just don't get how come you don't hate me for kissing you, I mean, ew, right?"

 

To my surprise, Marron shakes his head.

 

"N-no... it's not like that. I... I didn't mind."

I sigh, feeling as if we've gone back to square one again. "Because I'm your niisan, right? Because I can do what I want and you don't care, because it's me?"

 

"It's not that I don't care, niisan. I do care. But I don't mind."

 

I realise I still have my tight hold on his shoulders; I loosen that hold, hoping I didn't hurt his neck any from holding onto his nightshirt too tightly.

 

"... huh?"

 

He smiles, a small sad smile that makes me want to hug him just to see it. He doesn't look me in the eye as he speaks, something else that makes me want to hug him. I want him to look at me.

 

"... I'm almost scared to say what I feel, but... niisan would tell me not to be scared, wouldn't he?"

 

I feel uncertain, but I nod, "He would..."

 

This time, Marron looks me in the eye, and... I'm sure I can feel myself blush as he speaks.

 

"... perhaps I'd become braver... if you kissed me again..."

 

"Marron?!"

 

He sighs, "Niisan... you're... you're confused, so am I... but I'm certain of that one thing. I- I want you to kiss me again... but I'd understand if you didn't want to..."

 

I'd done it before, and... it's what he wants, right? It's not just him letting me do what I want because I'm his big brother and I've got that power, it's... it's because he wants me to...

 

Earlier on, I'd thought about how I'd wanted him. It's too strange, but... could it be possible that he... he wants me too? I'm not even sure how I want him, but... him... he seems so sure...

 

Something occurs to me, I frown slightly.

 

"Marron... when you're always so distant... when... when you're always so forgiving of me... is it... is it because you, uh... 'cause you want me? I-I mean, not that you do, well, I dunno, you might, but... is... is it because... of that?"

 

I realise I might have sounded a little rushed; Marron brings a hand up and presses a finger to my lips.

 

"... would you hate me if I said... yes?"

 

I think about this for a few moments. Would I? No, I wouldn't. I couldn't hate Marron, no matter what. He's my beloved little brother, I couldn't hate him, not ever. The implications of what he's suggesting, though... he's expecting me to say something, I can't think about that now.

 

"I, I could never hate you, Marron!"

 

Marron nods to himself, something decided in his mind.

 

"... then yes. Yes, niisan. I want you."

 

He lets his finger drop, I let out a deep breath I realise I've been holding.

 

"... I... I see..."

 

Marron looks slightly regretful, "I'm sorry, niisan... but... you asked, and... you did want to know how I felt... you wanted to know, so badly you wanted to know... you know now. Have I made you uncomfortable?"

 

I sigh with a smile, "I guess I was asking for it, going on at you like that... uncomfortable? It... it's a bit weird, but I guess I'm a bit weird too, since I kissed you and all..."

 

I think about it now I have the chance to. So Marron does want me... and I want him? I'm not sure how I feel, but I'm not angry with how he feels, and that's gotta be something even if I don't know what. Wanting each other... the word 'sex' occurs to me. Sex... Marron wants to have sex with me? I'm not sure about that, I think that would be weird... then again, even kissing him's weird, and I did that... I guess this is one of those things I just have to deal with as it happens.

 

"So... niisan... you don't mind that I have... these feelings?"

 

I wrinkle my nose, "I can't, really. It explains a lot, anyway, how you react about things and stuff... nah, I don't mind."

 

There's another silence in the room, but for once, it doesn't feel uncomfortable. Marron smiles at me. I smile back. Yeah, it seems right. Marron's always acted differently about and around me than to anyone else, I guess his feelings just ran deeper than I ever suspected. Little things he does and says... I almost feel like an idiot, various thoughts and memories playing through my mind. I never suspected... how could I not have suspected? It all seems so obvious now!

 

Marron's smile warms me; it's nice to see him looking so happy so suddenly.

 

"... I'm glad."

 

It'd almost been as if a weight had been visibly lifted off his shoulders... he seems so relaxed!

 

"... but, niisan..."

 

"Hm?"

 

"... I asked you to kiss me again, but you didn't say anything... after all of that... would you?"

 

"O-oh, y-yeah! Of course!"

 

I speak happily if uncertainly enough, but I pause with my smile, trying to kickstart my brain into doing what he asked. I think Marron notices my momentary unease, because he sits up.

 

"... niisan... like this..."

 

His kiss is so soft and gentle, and it makes me blush... I close my eyes, letting him kiss me. I get the idea, and think that maybe he'd like it if I, y'know, kissed back... so I do.

 

As I do that, I can feel him submitting so slightly against me... he lies back on the bed, reaching out to pull me down with him. I wouldn't move away anyway. I kiss against him, I kiss with him, I pull back slightly, and he just gasps suddenly... I've never heard him gasp like that before. I pause momentarily... thinking... that maybe I'd like to hear that gasp again...

 

He glances at me, blushing, smiling. "Niisan..."

 

I smile back, a little embarrassed. "Marron, you gasped just then... I'm just a bit embarrassed, I've never seen you like this before, you're... suddenly all kinda... ya know..."

 

I wave a finger around, not really sure.

 

"Do you mind?"

 

I smile ruefully, "Not in the slightest."

 

I lean down to kiss him again, he doesn't fight back, he doesn't argue. Why would he? I'm happy that he doesn't. An idea occurs to me, and I move from his mouth to his cheek, kissing him there... I move slowly downwards, tracing his jawline with kisses, softly pressing my lips to his skin... his eyes are closed now, and he's... he's panting? His breath is certainly more hurried than it was before... well, with the feelings he had, I suppose I can't blame him. The feelings he had then, the feelings he has now...

 

"Niisan..."

 

As I move down his neck, he gasps my name. Well, my title. I suddenly craved that word said in that voice again... the way he says it, even though it's a word he's been saying daily without fail for most of his life, never quite had that word stirred something in me like it did that time.

 

"Niisan... niisan, nii-... niisan... niisan..."

 

That last one is so more urgent than the others... my brother has a sensitive neck, it'd seem. Then again, I guess any part of his body would be sensitive if it was me doing the touching.

 

I blush at that thought, and wonder where this might lead. Sex with Marron would be weird? I guess so. Sex with Marron would be good? Eh, undoubtedly so. I pull back again, looking at him. He opens his eyes slowly, turning his head to face me.

 

"... nii... san?"

 

"... Never heard you like that before, otouto... but I like hearing you like that..."

 

He smiles warmly, "I'm glad."

 

"Heh, I bet Tira and Shiyal-chan ain't having such an exciting time in their room." I look thoughtful for a moment, "I though, if they were, I kinda wouldn't mind watching..."

 

Marron's face seems to fall fractionally. Did I upset him somehow?

 

"... niisan... I know that to stop you would be like trying to stop the sea's tide, but... I'd rather you refrained from... those kinds of things, at least while we're alone together..."

 

I smirk and prod Marron's nose, "Otouto gets jealous?"

 

His eyes narrow, "Niisan... p-perhaps..."

 

I slip one arm around his waist, holding him close. I'm still smirking, "Hey, come on. Looking at girls and stuff... they're pretty, ya know? They always hit me away, though. Isn't it okay just to look at them? Cause even after looking at them and getting hit away by them and stuff, it's still you who I'm sitting in a bed on top of kissing, isn't it?"

 

Marron nods, "I... I know..."

 

He seems slightly distant again, and I think about that. Girlchasing... chasing... girls... chasing girls in order to try and get with them, in order to have sex with them, all of that... then there's Marron's feelings, which I'd never known before... I know it certainly pisses Tira and Chocolat off, me acting all like that, but... maybe it's hurting Marron too?

 

It suddenly seems a little more serious as I think of it like that. Tira and Chocolat get over these things so quickly, but of course, Marron never said anything...

 

"Marron... when I'm chasing after girls and such... you... don't like it, do you?"

 

He sighs, "In the past, I... it doesn't matter. Things are different now, and... I don't have to think the thoughts that I thought then... but now that things are different... maybe... you could just tone it down, even if only a little?"

 

I idly run my fingers through a little of his hair, "So I guess things are different... this is a permanent change, right? You don't want me kissing you and stuff to just be tonight?"

 

"N-no... I... I'd rather it was for longer than that."

 

I nod, shifting down the bed a little, resting my head against his chest.

 

"Well, okay then, we'll see how it all turns out. Still, if I did suddenly stop chasing girls or whatever, don't you think Tira and Chocolat might get a little suspicious and stuff? Is it okay if I do it so they don't suspect anything? I don't think they'd like the idea of me getting all kissy with my brother somehow."

 

I feel Marron nod above me, "You have a point, niisan. I suppose it's alright in that case."

 

I close my eyes, wondering if I've suddenly signed myself away to a life of monogamy with my brother. I'm Carrot Glacé, the messenger of love! ... Can't I at least sleep with some girls to see what it's like?

 

Well, maybe that'd be a bit heartless. I think that would hurt Marron, if I randomly went off and slept with girls after I know about the feelings he's had... even so, I'm still kinda curious... with Marron, I guess he'd want to, but it'd be different with a girl, wouldn't it?

 

Doesn't he want to do it with girls?

 

I feel suddenly responsible as I think of how he always acts. I guess he doesn't want to do it with girls, because... well... me...

 

"Marron, you... like me, don't you? I mean... you... you want me and stuff..."

 

"I love you, niisan."

 

I blush, "... y-yeah. Don't you ever get curious about girls and stuff, though? I mean... if you were, I'm sure there'd be a million out there who'd help you..."

 

"I don't know... I've never really thought about it."

 

"Don't you even get horny or anything, though?" I woulda thought that'd be physically impossible, not to get horny...

 

"On occasion..."

 

"So... if you don't get curious about girls... don't you even think about them when you're horny? All those curvy bits that bounce and jiggle and look good in tight clothing... don't you think about them?"

 

I move my head, looking at him, shifting my chin so it's not uncomfortable for him against his chest.

 

"I can't be as anonymous in my thoughts as you, niisan. There's somebody I think about when my thoughts become like that, but..."

 

But it's not a girl? I guess it's me.

 

"... You think about... me... when you do that?"

 

He's silent again, he looks embarrassed.

 

"Niisan, I'm sorry..."

 

"N-no, don't apologize... I just don't get how someone can't think of girls like that, seems like I'm never not thinking of girls like that... oh, uh... but, um, I'll try, for you. Y-yeah. I'll think of you a bit as well, how about that? Hey, even if I'm always chasing after girls, they're always gone after the end of the day, but you're always there. Right? Is it okay to chase after girls as long as I'm always in your arms at the end of the day?"

 

Marron smiles slightly, not looking so distant. I'm glad.

 

"I suppose, niisan. As I said, it'd be impossible to change the way you are, niisan is niisan after all... but I would like to think that my feelings meant a little to you, even if not as much as your craving for feminine partnership..."

 

"Marron, don't say that! You're so important to me, you're my important little brother," I prod him to punctuate my point, "You're important important important! I'm sorry if it seems I don't pay attention to what you're feeling and stuff sometimes. I'll try harder at that, okay? And I'm sorry if I still happen to think that girls are pretty and stuff, but... you're pretty too, y'know? I'm just trying to suddenly get used to all of this."

 

Marron looks apologetic, "I... I know. I'm sorry, niisan... I've had my feelings for what seems like so long, now that you acknowledge them... unless you'd somehow felt the same way for so long, I suppose it would be something that was hard to adjust to. I apologize."

 

"It's okay, it's okay. Let's just take it a day at a time, ya know?"

 

He nods.

 

"And if you've got something to say, if I've done something to upset you or make you angry or anything like that, tell me, okay? Even if it's only when we're alone."

 

He nods again, "Of course, niisan."

 

I smile at him, and roll off him with a sigh, going back to the other side of the bed. He looks at me curiously, "Niisan?"

 

"Much as I'd like to fall asleep on top of you, I don't wanna know what Tira'd have to say about it if she found us like that in the morning. Besides, Tira and Shiyal-chan are only next door... I dunno if they can hear us or if they heard us or what, but... getting a bit closer with you and stuff... I'd like to maybe leave it until we're in a safer situation, you know? I wouldn't wanna be calling your name at the height of passion or anything only to have Tira storming in wondering what the hell's going on..."

 

Marron nods, "I understand, niisan. Perhaps it should wait until we're safely in Eden."

 

"Yeah. Let's get some sleep so we can get this mission over quickly. After all, the sooner we finish the mission, the sooner we can get home."

 

I reach out under the covers to try and touch his body to imply what I wanted to imply, but the first thing I encounter is his hand. As I happen across it, he closes it around mine; oh well, that'll do, I suppose. He's not stupid, anyway.

 

Besides, Marron's hand feels warm around mine. I almost feel nostalgic; we always used to hold hands when we were kids, when did such a small normal thing stop happening? If we walked around town now holding hands, people'd think it was weird, not least Tira and Chocolat and that lot... but I guess while we're in bed, it's okay.

 

Marron makes a slight noise in agreement at my statement, I look at him, his eyes are closed now. He seems happy... I feel happy... there's no reason to keep him awake any longer. I guess there's no reason to stay awake either, but I can't help but look forward to the end of the mission, getting back to Eden, getting into bed with my little brother... even if I never see Shiyal-chan again after this mission, well, what with Tira around and everything, I'm hardly going to end up sleeping with her anyway, I don't know if I ever expected I would, no big loss. However, Marron... probably... well, he would... and... he wants to... and... once we get back to Eden...

 

I smirk as I close my eyes. I can't wait.

 

 

~End~

 

 

 

26th May 2003

 

For more information on what inspired me to this fic, check out http://tabi.racso.com/Hive/Glacecest/Games.htm that site.