Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ The Morning After The Night Before ❯ Chapter 1
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Tabi 
Spoilers for the end of the anime.
After the events with Hakaishin and Sacher Torte, life seems to be settling back down to some kind of normal. However, after what happened, just how relaxed can Carrot be? Marron senses that something is wrong with his brother. Will he be able to find out just what's bothering Carrot, or might it be eventually too late...?
Rated for 'mature' themes. As well as, y'know, the incestual leanings.
Anime/Manga: Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 31 | Words: 35.4K | Visits: 387 | Status: Completed
Spoilers for the end of the anime.
After the events with Hakaishin and Sacher Torte, life seems to be settling back down to some kind of normal. However, after what happened, just how relaxed can Carrot be? Marron senses that something is wrong with his brother. Will he be able to find out just what's bothering Carrot, or might it be eventually too late...?
Rated for 'mature' themes. As well as, y'know, the incestual leanings.
Anime/Manga: Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 31 | Words: 35.4K | Visits: 387 | Status: Completed
~The Morning After The Night Before~
Marron's eyes snapped open - after he'd opened his eyes, he wasn't entirely sure why. He looked around the room for a moment; there was darkness. Just the quiet darkness. The darkness... ah, and Carrot, snoring in sleep. Marron smiled slightly to hear his brother's breathing. Considering what'd happened just a night or so ago, Carrot didn't seem to be having much trouble sleeping... it'd been too close, everyone had died so suddenly, Hakaishin had almost been resurrected... but he hadn't, and everyone had been brought back to life. The seals on Hakaishin were therefore sealed again, Sacher had gone off somewhere to muse over what'd happened, and life could return to normal, whatever normal happened to be.
Marron wondered how the others were getting on; after everyone'd come back, Big Mama had transported them all back to Eden, and had pretty much confined them to their rooms; she'd spoken kindly to them, and suggested they take some time to think about what happened.
The Misu sisters had, surprisingly, not come into the room. Marron had thought that they would have done, especially after professing love so excitedly to Carrot earlier on... but Marron supposed that they were just thinking about what happened... he knew that he himself was. He couldn't understand how Carrot could just sleep so soundly...
He wished Carrot was awake. He wanted to talk about what happened, he suddenly felt so awake, he had to remember he'd just woken from his sleep, that just a few moments ago he'd been in exactly the same position and mental state as his brother... Marron looked across and sat up, watching Carrot. He looked so innocent in his sleep... he was snoring, but innocent. Peaceful. Calm. Relaxed. Marron sighed, smiling softly. Despite everything that'd happened, Carrot still looked so calm... Marron wondered if he'd be so calm if he was awake.
Once Big Mama'd retrieved them from the scene of the battle and returned the group to Eden, just after Big Mama had spoken to them and recommended their rest, Carrot had complained of a terrible tiredness all of a sudden. Everyone had been understandably concerned, but Carrot said it was nothing to worry about, he just wanted to sleep. He asked for Marron's accompaniment, and Marron had obeyed without question; Marron had accompanied Carrot to their shared bedroom, and he'd fallen asleep almost as soon as they'd walked in.
Marron had been shocked, wondering if Carrot had passed out suddenly... Marron'd caught him before he fell, and carried him onto the bed. He'd held Carrot in his arms, holding him close... he'd treasured the moment, quiet and still as everything seemed. Carrot had fallen down like that, exhausted, but... looking at him, looking at his lightly-closed eyes... Marron'd hugged him tightly, even though Carrot couldn't react. He didn't mind. Carrot was warm in his arms... Carrot was alive, and Marron was alive alongside him... that had been when Marron'd shed tears. How lucky he was to experience such things; being alive, being with his brother... things he treasured, but perhaps things he'd almost taken for granted... for who doubts being alive? Who honestly had experience of death? And the person Marron'd been with every day of his life, the person who was always, always there...
Marron had held Carrot's head against his neck, one arm wrapped around Carrot's waist, his warm body spurring on Marron's tears further. If there was even the smallest chance that Carrot might have been taken from him... oh, and he had been... Marron had remembered so vividly the events of before. Sacher's dark smirk, the power he had... Carrot, suddenly bestial... eyes glowing red, screaming out uncontrollably... it chilled Marron's body cold just to remember that. Everyone'd been shocked to see that. Tira and Chocolat had tried to bring him back, but... Carrot just hit them away...
At that point, Marron'd broken from his memories and taken Carrot to the bed. He'd rested alongside Carrot, watching him, feeling his warmth nearby, stroking his hair. Such little things that warmed Marron's heart.
The thought of losing Carrot scared him so much. He'd been so close, there... he'd had to do what he did. His eyelids lowered slightly as he sighed deeply. The thought of losing Carrot was his darkest nightmare... Carrot was his most important person, and no doubt Carrot felt strongly in turn for his devoted little brother... Marron remembered the sudden desperate power that'd ripped through him...
Stylistically, aesthetically, technically, it'd been quite impressive. The kind of power one never quite knew they existed until said power was called into play, and by then it was too late to make any kind of comment, it was a case of just watching and seeing what'd happen... Marron's emotions had become so intense, and no-one could have known what would happen after that...
Marron remembered something, a hazy memory. A memory of being suddenly so tired, but... opening his eyes and seeing his brother... he remembered Carrot's arms holding him so tightly as he himself had held Carrot... Carrot's questioning near-disbelieving eyes... his voice... saying Marron's name... Marron had only been able to look up at him, "Nii... niisan..."
That memory seemed suddenly so vivid, the pain in Carrot's eyes, the worry in his voice, the desperate tightness of Carrot's embrace... then his body had failed him, his energy, his vitality, that'd gone toward saving his brother, exorcising the demons that plagued him... it'd saved Carrot, and killed Marron.
Feeling numb, Marron'd remembered. That'd been when he'd died. He remembered nothing after that, couldn't remember how it felt... doubted he wanted to. His death, when he'd died...
No, but he was alive now. He was alive, and Carrot was alive with him. Everyone else was alive too, and... that was the most important thing.
Even so, Marron couldn't quite quell his tears at being with his brother again, not with those memories running through his mind.
After a while, Marron'd felt heavy and tired, and decided that he too should sleep. Then he'd woken up, and wondered just how long he'd been asleep in the first place... it couldn't have been long. It'd been dark outside when Marron'd taken Carrot to the bedroom, and as Marron looked to the nearby window, he noted that it was still dark. Either he'd slept for a long time or for no time at all, and the tiredness Marron still felt confused him further, he didn't know whether he was tired from too much sleep, or from too little.
Glancing back to his brother, Marron sighed. Earlier, he'd taken Carrot's shoes off, deposited his sword to the side, but apart from that, Carrot was still clothed. Marron was clothed himself also, he realised. He remembered thinking about undressing his brother, helping him into a nightshirt perhaps, but... he hadn't. It didn't matter, not for the time being.
Marron's tears had been before he'd slept. He wanted Carrot to be awake, but... but also didn't want to wake his brother. If Carrot had it within himself to sleep easy, then Marron didn't want to disturb him. No doubt Carrot would be so terribly exhausted, best just to let him sleep until his body felt ready to wake up.
Oh, but he looked so innocent while he slept.
Marron couldn't prevent the memories flooding his mind once more... his eyes pricked with tears as unbidden memories sprung to his eyes. His brother, in the grip of Hakaishin, controlled by Sacher's power... his own determination as he'd gone forth and... he... his brother... that which'd happened...
Marron shook his head. Thoughts like that would only upset him once more. It was best not to think about that... as time passed, the memories would fade and the pain would lessen, he hoped. No doubt it would.
He didn't want to lose the overpowering gratitude that came from being with Carrot again, though. He always wanted to keep that, always wanted to be the happiest just for being with Carrot, being near him... them being alive...
Even though he tried to fight it, the thought "You died" kept floating around Marron's mind. Marron sat up on his bed, looking forward into the quiet darkness of the room... he'd died. He'd been dead. He'd died. He'd died... he'd come back, but... he'd... he'd died!!
Not many people could say that, that they'd died and come back... the Sorcerer Hunters, though... Marron, Gateau, Tira, Chocolat... sitting in his bed, Marron couldn't help but feel almost like something was missing. His brother had been quiet, his brother had fallen asleep almost immediately, but Marron had, as had the others, inevitably picked up that the others had all died too... died in front of his brother's eyes... Carrot seemed peaceful, but... deep inside of him, truthfully, Marron had a hard time believing that Carrot could be so calm about the situation. Everyone had just died in front of him... how could anyone be so calm after that?
Perhaps, Marron thought, Carrot was just too happy and relieved to have everyone suddenly back to worry about the fact that they'd been gone in the first place... perhaps. Marron wasn't convinced, but perhaps that was the truth...
Suddenly, without warning, Carrot sat up in bed. "MARRON!!"
Marron turned to face him, vaguely surprised by Carrot's abrupt cry. "Niisan?"
Carrot was panting, his fists clenched around his sheets... he slowly looked around the room, taking in the darkness, the atmosphere... the slight light that entered the room from the moon outside... then, in that light, he saw Marron, pale skin and subtle shock illuminated by the moon... however, on seeing Marron, the worry on Carrot's face lifted, and he smiled. Slightly unsure, looking a little upset somewhat, but... the smile was the foundation of Carrot's expression.
"M-Marron, you're..." Carrot looked down, seeming to find his lap inherently fascinating all of a sudden. "You're... yeah, you're here. S-sorry. I just... uh..."
He fell back onto his bed, turning away from Marron, hugging close to his sheets. "I'll go back to sleep now. Sorry."
Marron sighed, shaking his head. Carrot didn't have to apologize for anything, and if he was awake suddenly... Marron got out of his bed, and wandered over to Carrot's own bed, sitting perched on the side. He put his hand out, ruffling the sheets pulled tightly over his brother's shoulder.
He kept his voice as warm and comforting as he could make it as he spoke, "Niisan, it's... it's alright. you can talk about it if you want to talk about it. That was what Big Mama suggested, after all... that's probably what's preventing the Misu sisters from storming in here at this moment and hugging you until you faint - they're probably thinking about what happened too. Niisan... I don't really know what happened. I... wasn't there..."
Something occurred to Marron. "But... don't talk about anything if you don't feel you're ready, I wouldn't want to... don't talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. It's a big thing to have had happen... it... I can't even imagine it... niisan... no, I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have said anything."
Carrot seemed to tremble, the shaking of his body visible even under his numerous bedsheets... Marron felt slightly pained, wondering if he'd hurt his brother so. He made as if to get off the bed, to go back to his own bed and not disturb his brother any longer, but Carrot rolling over and catching a loose part of Marron's robe prevented him from leaving too quickly.
"Niisan?"
He looked back, and was surprised to see tears shimmering in Carrot's eyes. "Please, otouto... don't go back to bed just yet... stay here and remind me you're alive... please?"
The honest pain and hurt in those eyes... the nervous uncertainty in the tone of his voice... Marron sighed, feeling just a little more pained... his brother's sadness was the most painful to see... he only wanted to ensure his brother's happiness, after all. He could only do everything he possibly could to bring that happiness back... it was without question.
"... Of course, niisan. I won't leave you."
Something so simply said in such a warm, comforting, sure voice...
At Marron saying that, Carrot broke down into broken bitter sobs, as if he'd been hit by some powerful invisible assailant. He pulled himself up on the bed, knees pulled close to his chest, bunching up the bedsheets around his fists as he sobbed softly into them. Marron's look darkened; he'd never seen his brother quite like this... he sat back down on the bed, gently wrapping his arm around Carrot's shoulders, pulling him close once more.
Carrot cried for a few moments, Marron rocking him by his shoulders slightly, just letting him cry as much as he wanted... he said little, just holding him tightly, nestling his head against Carrot's own, feeling the hair tickle his face... he comforted his brother as best he could, hushing him softly, assuring him that it was alright, and it was alright to cry, also... as much as Carrot wanted to cry, Marron was willing to let him. As long as he cried, Marron'd hold him, Marron'd stay alongside him. Marron repeated his promise to stay with Carrot forever over and over... he realised the scathing irony of such a statement in such a situation, but hoped that it'd be enough to placate Carrot somewhat.
After a while, Carrot looked up at last. He was wide-eyed, his eyes red, tears still threatening to fall... his cheeks were damp and his voice shook and wavered, finding words and sentences almost too difficult to manage.
"O-Otouto... I just... part of me... almost can't believe that you're back, I... Sacher..."
"Hush, niisan. You don't need to worry about it... just... yes, I'm back... I'll be with you for as long as I can, I'll stay with you forever if that's what you want... I won't leave you, niisan... I won't ever leave you..."
Carrot launched his arms around Marron, throwing himself against his little brother, crying against Marron's robes. "Yeah, but you woulda said that before, right? That you'd never leave me, never ever leave me, and stuff... but you DID, you DID leave me..."
Marron's eyes widened in slight shock to hear Carrot's voice so... so bitter...
"N-niisan! I only... I only wanted to save you! I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if I'd have stood back and done nothing as Hakaishin warped you! What might have happened had the power taken you over... I couldn't risk that... I couldn't let Sacher do that to you, either... bring you so much pain... I needed to save you, I needed to... I needed to make sure that... that you were alright, I..."
Marron trailed off, finding the words hard to say to justify his actions. It wasn't something he could easily express in words... just that Carrot had been in danger, deathly danger, and Marron had to save him... the deepest extensions of his feelings were more than Marron had the power to say. The feeling just was, it couldn't be explained, and it couldn't be argued with. Marron wasn't prepared to argue about it, not with Carrot, not with anybody else. He wouldn't doubt his own love for Carrot, and he didn't like to think that anybody else would either... but was that doubting it? Carrot'd seemed angry, but not through anything like that... more through the consequences of such an intense love...
Carrot looked up at Marron, looking sad.
"I... I know you did what you did 'cause you had to... but Marron, it... it was just so sad... my little brother, who I loved so much, who I'd always looked after, suddenly- suddenly dead... you died 'cause of me, and suddenly it was like, I could control myself again... and you were just there in my arms, and you were dying... then you were dead... then..."
Carrot's voice became fractionally more halting with each word. At hearing that, Marron frowned slightly. Alright, he'd died, but... what came after that?
Marron's curiosity got the better of him.
"... then?"
Carrot's untamed anger was audible through his pain. "T-then that BASTARD... Sacher... he... shit, I can't believe he did that, I still can't believe he did that, he couldn't let it be that you'd just died and everything, he couldn't just let you be, he had to go and shove a fucking big SPIKE through your ribs..."
Carrot trembled with anger at his memories, and Marron froze slightly, suddenly trying to picture what his brother had spoke of.
Sacher had done that?
Carrot seemed to notice Marron's body tensing. Carrot pulled away a little, noting the confused intense frown on Marron's face. He smiled sadly up at his brother.
"You... didn't know that, huh?"
"N-no..."
Carrot's bitterness returned, "Well, he did... you were just there in my arms, then he said about how you were a poor excuse for a comrade or something, dying for the sake of your family and stuff... and... he did a hand wavey thing, and then this spike just burst from the ground and ripped you from me... I... I couldn't believe it, you were just... it was like... you went really pale, like, like you were frozen or something... it happened to the others too, Gateau got all angry, saying he'd have revenge for you... damn, it was really really brutal, I mean, jeez, I... wanna check up on how Gateau is, I couldn't be sure, but it's like, I think Sacher kinda ripped his heart out or something, there was a whole lotta blood, I mean, ow, I mean, well, yeah..."
Marron just watched his brother, slightly disbelieving, as he ranted. Seemed like he couldn't stop him now, the floodgates had been opened as to what actually happened. He'd thought it bad, but... hearing what'd happened to Gateau... that indeed sounded brutal. Sacher was really that vicious? The others had died, but... Marron felt a little weak, suddenly. His friends, the people he cared about... what pain had they all gone through?
Carrot continued.
"... I mean, I guess Gateau was... well... already dead by that point... then another spike just went WOAH and he was, well, impaled... and we all just froze, 'cause, well, no-one deserves to have that happen, do they? I... I hate to say it, but you were almost lucky, otouto... at least... at least you didn't die in that degree of pain... and... Tira and Chocolat... oh, damn..."
Carrot stopped suddenly, remembering what had happened to the Misu sisters, the shock at those memories overtaking him before he could narrate the events to Marron. Carrot's hand was over his mouth, and he was shaking slightly once more.
Marron replaced his tight hold over Carrot's shoulders, holding him close, rocking him slightly. "Niisan, niisan, don't let it worry you, we're all back now, I'm back, Gateau's back, Tira's back, Chocolat's back... we're back. We came back for you... we're back."
Carrot looked at Marron, his wide eyes almost seeming scared, fearful. "Y-yeah?"
"Niisan, yes! Yes, we're back... for the pain it caused you... I won't let myself leave you again... e-even if it's to save you..."
Marron's voice was a little unsure; he wanted to reassure Carrot that he'd always be around no matter what, but at the same time, he felt little regret for his actions during the conflict with Sacher Torte. He couldn't tell his brother of his feelings, but he couldn't help but at least think it to himself.
"... I wouldn't want to leave you, though... I WOULD do anything to save you... if I had to give my life again, then I would. Without question, without hesitation. Niisan can't understand how I feel about this."
Carrot smiled slightly at Marron, still looking somewhat worried.
"Marron, if... if the chance came for me to die again... and I was dying... and you wanted to give your life for me or something... couldn't we maybe... die together, or something?"
"N-niisan?!"
Carrot pressed himself against Marron, gentle tears flowing into the fabric of Marron's robe.
"Well, it's like... I don't wanna be separated from you... but you're still always hell-bent on saving me from like, anything... and some things ya just don't come back from, do ya? Big Mama said something about reincarnation... wouldn't it be better to get reincarnated together rather than get split up? You guys musta got reincarnated without me for you to remember me like that..."
Carrot's voice came a little lower, a little quieter.
"... I... I'm just one person... how come you all remembered me? What the hell's so special about me, Carrot Glacé, that means that... things like that have to happen?! Sure, I'm a Sorcerer Hunter, but so're you 'n Gateau n' Tira n' Chocolat, and there are loads of other Sorcerer Hunters out there, but THEY don't end up having stupid evil things inside them, THEY don't end up having to save or destroy the world, THEY don't haveta make choices like that! It's... otouto, it just feels so hopeless... Sacher's not dead, is he? What's to stop him coming back and trying to raise Hakaishin again?"
"Nii-niisan... niisan... Sacher's gone now, he won't bother us again..."
Carrot ripped away from Marron's hold, suddenly angry, shocking Marron.
"How do you KNOW that?! Did you see Sacher die?! Did you see his body?! No! None of us did! We just saw him, then everyone was back, then Hakaishin came and went, then Big Mama took us all back here... does anyone KNOW what happened to Sacher? I bet even Big Mama doesn't... Marron, for all we know, he could be plotting our deaths as we speak, probably perfecting the spike technique or something... he could come back... Marron, I..." Carrot seemed to break down back to his bitter tears. "... I don't want him to come back..."
"Niisan... I wish... I wish I could say something or do something to make you feel better..."
Silence in the room for a few moments. Carrot's voice sounded... almost scared... so quiet... so alone.
"Just... hold me?"
"... Yes, niisan."
Carrot let Marron hold him for the rest of the night.
****
The Glacé brothers eventually slept and morning eventually came; Carrot seemed genuinely amazed to see the bright morning sunlight streaming in through the window in their room. Marron had smiled at his brother's honest near-childlike amazement at seeing the light, seeing the view from their window, the trees outside... it was nice to see his brother so excited over something so usually mundane. Still, after what had happened... the little things, in the end, were the things that mattered. It was nice to be able to wake up in the morning to be able to see the morning sunlight in the first place.
Chocolat and Tira had burst into the room, and, as Marron had predicted, had almost tried to kill Carrot via hugging him to death. Marron wondered if there'd be any animosity between the Misu sisters - Carrot now knew that they both loved him, would he choose between them? Did he have to?
Fortunately, thoughts of competition and sisterly rivalry for Carrot's attentions seemed to be forgotten. They seemed to be honestly happy just to be near Carrot, and Carrot seemed happy to be with them. Marron supposed that they were all too happy to be alive and be alive together than worry over such small details like that... Marron also decided that perhaps that was a moment that didn't need him, so he stepped outside, to be met there by Gateau.
"Y-Yo.... Marron...!"
"Gateau... you seem... almost surprised to see me..." Marron smiled a small, satisfied smile.
Gateau looked at Marron, wide-eyed, seeming disbelieving.
"... Guess I am... man, I can't get used to this. How's Carrot coping with it all? I ended up going to see Big Mama and chatting with her most of the night, just couldn't sleep. Marron... Marron, do you know how damn good it is to see you alive again?! Jeez, I mean... damn, you didn't see any of us die, did you? It was really really... damn, I don't even like to think about it."
"I heard what happened from niisan... he seemed to get quite upset about it."
"Yeah, well, he would, wouldn't he? He didn't die, did he? He just had to sit there while we all died around him... I mean, that's gotta be a big thing for anyone to be faced with, 'specially someone like Carrot... well, maybe we can hope it's made him grow up a bit and consider what's important... I think the Misu sisters'd kill him if he so much as looked at another girl after all of that happening..."
Marron nodded good naturedly.
"I'm not sure my brother would want to go girlchasing by any means, he does seem happy to be with those two at the moment. If it was love that brought us back together, then that's undoubtedly what they have. What he has. What... we all have, Gateau. My brother is in there right now with them at the moment... I thought I should leave them, perhaps..."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Heh, so love for that scrawny brother of yours brought us all back together? He really is an idiot, after all."
Gateau spoke kindly, and Marron knew what he meant. Marron just smiled, "... Indeed."
There was a silence for a few moments, Marron still smiling warmly, and Gateau just looking at him, still seeming amazed to see Marron standing in front of him, being not-dead and everything... Gateau wondered if there was anything to say, but couldn't really think of anything, so just folded his arms. Chocolat's squeals of happiness were audible from inside the room, Gateau laughed quietly.
"You think we really want to know what's going on in there?"
Marron just laughed back in reply, seeming a little embarrassed. Gateau noted this, and smirked.
"Well, if it's so weird to speculate on what those three might or might not be doing, how about we take a walk or something? Doesn't have to be far, or anything... the grounds outside are nice enough, ya know. I mean, hey, it's a nice morning, it's nice to be alive, nothing else to do... feel like it?"
Marron stared at Gateau, then glanced to his own bedroom door, then back at Gateau. On one hand, there was his brother... he wanted to stay with Carrot, make sure he was alright... but on the other hand, Marron was sure that the Misu sisters would make sure just as keenly that Carrot wouldn't suddenly die or anything, and he trusted them enough with his life to feel comfortable. Beside, Marron had had Carrot to himself all night, and even slept alongside him... something that, Marron thought to himself with an irrational feeling of private happiness, the Misu sisters would do anything to be able to do... he'd had Carrot for the night, Marron didn't see any harm in letting Tira and Chocolat have him for the day. He smiled at Gateau.
"... Alright, then. I'd like that."
Gateau looked happy and relieved, "I'm glad."
The two walked along the corridor, both silent... the silence wasn't uncomfortable, though. Both were quietly caught in their own thoughts as they walked in and out of patches of warm light that stained the inner walkway from outside... trees were disturbed by the wind, the light inside danced alongside the trees outside. Marron noticed the light and shadow fall upon himself, upon Gateau, upon the floor... things just seemed so peaceful. He liked it.
"... So you say you went to see Big Mama last night?"
Gateau looked up when Marron spoke, "Oh? Oh, yeah..."
"What did she have to say?"
Gateau took a moment to gather his thoughts, looking somewhat wistful as the two walked to the staircase at the end of the corridor. Their footsteps echoed as they padded downstairs, eventually coming out at one end of the great hall where Big Mama usually watched over all. She wasn't there at the moment, Gateau and Marron wondered for a moment where she'd gone, but didn't ask about it. They took a left, walking through the arch that would lead them to the outside.
"Well..."
The two walked around until they reached the gardens on the quieter side of the church. Marron looked at Gateau, requesting he continue.
"Is it that hard to remember?"
"Not that, it's just... a little weird to think about, really... oh, hey, let's go sit under that tree there. Looks shady and nice, huh?"
Marron decided that Gateau might be more willing to speak once the two were sat down and settled. He nodded his agreement and stepped forward with a quicker pace than Gateau, sitting himself on the grass underneath the tree, leaning against the main trunk of the tree. He smiled up at Gateau, "Indeed, it's lovely. Now, you tell me what she said, Gateau."
Gateau sat alongside Marron, one knee up against his chest, his arm leaning on that knee.
"Well... you probably remember that you died, and all... and I remember with me too... but... seems that Chocolat and Tira died too, I mean... well, yeah, you knew that, Big Mama said. Well, last night, me and her just got more talking about the whole reincarnation thing... it seems that while we died here," Gateau prodded at the grass to one side to illustrate his point, "our souls like... went somewhere else."
"Somewhere else?"
A nod, "Yeah. Some other place... some other time... a whole different dimension, maybe. I don't know, I can't remember quite what she said. Thing is... it's like... you know we've got those Gods inside us? Those ones that seal that one inside Carrot? Seems that that connection kinda binds us together... we died, but our souls still went through time and space together, ya know? Big Mama says that she killed herself..."
Marron couldn't hide his shock, "What?!"
"Mmm, yeah. She killed herself so her soul could go to where ours were too, or something... ah, I won't pretend to know how it all worked, but hey, it worked, so I wouldn't knock it. Anyway, once she got to that place, she met up with the Chocolat and Tira in that place, and also with the Marron and Gateau in that place, and somehow, something just clicked... Carrot managed to summon us back through time and space, and, well, the rest you can remember for yourself."
Marron folded his arms, hands gripping lightly against the fabric of his robe.
"... That place where our souls ended up... you and I... Chocolat and Tira... that place... where even Big Mama managed to follow us... that place... my brother wasn't there, was he?"
"Hm? No, I guess not. Hey, I'm glad he wasn't, though... if he'd died too, we mighta been stuck in that other place for good! I mean, not that we'd have any knowledge that there was somewhere else where we'd been, we don't remember what that place was like now so I guess we wouldn't remember this place here, there... Carrot came in useful for something after all, heh. Still, I woulda had you all to myself in that dimension..."
Marron blushed lightly at Gateau's mild flirtation, "Gateau, please!..."
His voice dropped, "... A place without my brother..."
Gateau nudged Marron's shoulder with the edge of his fist, shaking his head at the suddenly preoccupied young mage. Marron just stared ahead of him, not seeming to focus on anything... he didn't say anything after that sentence.
"Hey, come on! We all know how important Carrot is to you and stuff, and I know it's probably kinda weird to you that you were somewhere without him and you didn't even know you had a brother unless you had one in that other dimension too which I don't know about since I can't remember... but... whatever happened, it's just something bad that happened, right? We fought Sacher, not good. We died, that's bad. Big Mama died, even worse. We came back, better enough to make up for all those bad things. Right? So you didn't have a brother in that dimension. You'll just have to love the one you have in this dimension enough for both then, won't you?"
"Thank you, Gateau... but it hurts me to think that... somewhere, anywhere, there might be a myself without my brother... and how slim the chances were... I might never have had one, had the circumstances of our birth been anything different... never have known his love, never known the happiness that comes from just being with him, I-"
Marron was abruptly cut off by Gateau launching himself to the side, glomping Marron powerfully and knocking him to the floor. Marron let out a sharp exhale of breath, the air scared out of his lungs.
"WHUF-... Gateau, what was THAT for!?"
"Shut up being so gloomy already! You're gettin' too philosophical for too early in the morning, jeez. Okay, so... there might be a million Marron Glacé people out there, some of them might have Carrot Glacé people to be brothers to. Some of them might not. Pity to them. Thing is, it doesn't really matter! Even if there are multiple versions of us all over the place, different dimensions with different us people in, that doesn't matter! Most important thing is, I guess, you are one of the ones with a brother, with the happiness-love thing going on... okay? You could beat yourself up over what mighta been and what coulda been for years, and end up so petrified you'd never leave yer bedroom, do you want that to happen?!"
"N-no... I suppose not..."
Marron just blinked up at Gateau, who slowly bright himself up to a crouch before leaning back against the tree, freeing Marron of his hold. Marron still looked distant and sounded quiet... Gateau sighed.
"There's no point in being depressed about it all. You, you, the Marron Glacé sitting next to me at the moment, has a brother. You love him enough for it to be juuust a little bit creepy, but that's okay, 'cause that's just how you are. Just be happy you're with him again, okay? We're incredibly lucky, Marron. I doubt anyone at all gets a second chance on life like we did... not everyone has circumstances like us. But it just so happened that we did. So we're the lucky ones, yay us..."
Marron still stared forth towards the grass in front of him, Gateau rolled his eyes with a barely-hidden smile.
"You want me to kiss you to snap you out of it, or what?"
Marron looked back at Gateau, a little shocked until he saw Gateau's smile. He relaxed slightly, and allowed himself a small smile.
"... That won't be necessary, Gateau. You... you're right. I could centre myself on those feelings entirely, but... the fact is... Carrot's in the building just behind us, he's my brother, he's always been my brother... he'll always be my brother. Nothing will change that... I won't let it." Marron nodded, smiling warmly. "I've always thought myself lucky to have him as a brother... now I'll consider myself even luckier."
Gateau extended his arms in a stretch, then leaning his hands against the tree, and the back of his head against his hands.
"That's the spirit. Damn, but I hope Carrot knows how lucky he is, to have you as a brother, and to have you care about him so much... if he ever does anything bad to you ever, or acts like an idiot - more than he usually does - just tell me, and I'll punch him one for ya."
Another smirk, "Wonder if you'd be so easy with yer feelings for me if I was your brother..."
"Ga- Gateau! Just what are you trying to imply?!"
Gateau just chuckled at Marron's suddenly flustered expression. He shook his head, closing his eyes as the wind blew a few loose leaves from the tree.
"Oh, I'm just teasin' ya. You know that."
Marron watched Gateau for a few moments, then leant back, closing his eyes also.
"I know, Gateau. I know."
****
The days and the nights were therefore spent in much the same fashion; they were quiet, they were peaceful. To the surprise of the Hunters, Big Mama hadn't even suggested sending any of them out on missions... when prompted, she insisted that they needed their rest and relaxation. The one time Carrot had seriously mentioned it, Big Mama had almost got angry, or if not angry, then at least self-righteous, "I almost lost you in that battle against Sacher - can't I at least keep you around here for a little longer?"
Everybody had been a little amazed at Big Mama's sudden protectiveness, but she was Big Mama, and she did refer to the group as her 'children', so... they hadn't argued. They started to relax and take advantage of the peacefulness that stemmed from not having to worry about missions, or Sorcerers, or anything of that kind... it wasn't as if they were the only Sorcerer Hunters Big Mama had, after all.
So instead, the group had shopping in the nearby locality. Gone on country walks, or even city walks. Had picnics. Wandered around. Generally enjoyed life.
Marron suspected, however, that there was... almost that there was something wrong with Carrot; not that there seemed to be anything obviously blatantly wrong, but... at times, he seemed... almost too happy, and it un-nerved Marron slightly. Not that it worried Marron to see his brother happy, that was always nice to see, but nowadays... there almost seemed to be some kind of edge to Carrot's happiness that Marron couldn't help but notice.
There had been Carrot's initial angsty outburst on that night after the whole incident, but... despite Carrot having had some sleepless nights where Marron had held him unquestioningly and gently coaxed him back into sleep, reminding Carrot about how he'd always be close, always be there... despite that, Carrot seemed to be returning, more or less, back to normal.
However. There'd been that first night where Carrot'd spoken so bitterly to Marron, but after that first night, Carrot hadn't really spoken about the whole Sacher battle... Marron didn't want to mention anything, but it worried him. Not that he expected Carrot to be constantly talking about it, but... it almost seemed like his brother had shut that part of him away, somewhat... Marron would sigh at thinking this, thinking that that was probably what had happened. He didn't blame Carrot at all, part of him didn't, at least. It was nicer to have those picnics and outings without worrying about what happened at all. But that night in the past, Carrot had seemed so... lost... though, Marron thought, perhaps that was just post-battle trauma, or something. There was the hopelessness that Carrot had felt, but... maybe that'd passed. Maybe Carrot was genuinely happy to be alive, now.
Marron hoped so.
Tira and Chocolat had their fun window shopping when in town, Carrot was usually more preoccupied with getting something to eat. Marron usually accompanied Carrot wherever he went, sometimes Gateau'd tag along, sometimes Gateau would go and do his own thing. It never mattered; peace was peace and the time was to be done with as they wished.
One time, Carrot and Marron had been wandering down one of the busy streets of downtown Façade, doing a little shopping, maybe just walking around, looking at the people who were there... just taking in the general atmosphere of being in the bustling centre of the capital of the Spooner Continent. Carrot seemed quite amazed, speaking with hushed excitement.
"Woww... all the people!"
Marron spoke with amusement, "It's not that unusual, niisan. It's almost midday, it would seem that most people choose to shop at this time of day..."
Carrot shook his head, not losing his amazement and excitement as he spoke. "No, I mean... all the people... they're all alive, aren't they? Isn't that... kinda amazing, when you think about it? There's all these people here, all doing their shopping, but like, they've got their own lives too, right? All the experiences they've had... all the thoughts and feelings that only they can have... y'know? Or am I just talking rubbish?"
Marron was taken aback slightly by his brother's rough philosophy. He saw what Carrot was saying, he was just vaguely surprised that it'd been his brother who'd said it in the first place.
"Y-yes, I see what you're saying, niisan. I suppose it is amazing, in a way... even the thoughts and feelings that I have are ones that you can't have... everybody is... unique, but they still live alongside each other, sharing experiences but seeing their own opinion... is that what you mean?"
Carrot blinked for a moment before smiling. "... I guess, something like that. Yeah, something like that. It's kinda cool though, y'know?"
He smirked. "No-one round here knows what we went through, do they? No-one's gonna look at us and go 'woah, that's the guy who almost destroyed the world, and look, it's his brother, the guy who died!', are they?"
Marron felt uneasiness creep through his body, his facial expression fading similarly. He spoke a little quieter also, "Niisan... niisan, you haven't spoken of that for... a while..."
Carrot shrugged, not feeling or seeming to notice Marron's uneasiness. "No, well, you know how it is. But you gotta admit, no-one's gonna think that, are they?"
"No... just as we can't know what other people th- niisan?"
Marron noticed that he didn't have Carrot's attention anymore. Carrot had walked on ahead a little, and was standing against one of the shop windows, his hands against the glass. Marron walked over, curious. He stood behind Carrot, glancing over his shoulder.
"Oh... weapons, niisan?"
Carrot nodded. "Yeah... just wanted to see what they had. Maybe I could get something new for when Big Mama does choose to send us on missions again. My sword's kinda old, not as sharp as it could be... besides... it's... would it be stupid to say I just wanted a new one? That," Carrot motioned towards the sword that swung at his hip, "... that's the sword I tried to fight Sacher with. I... kinda don't want it anymore. Kinda. Hey, do you want it? I know you go for all the kooky magic stuff, but it wouldn't hurt to like, up your skills... yeah! Let's do that!"
With a sudden burst of excitement, Carrot grabbed Marron's wrist, dragging him into the shop. Marron went along with him, whatever Carrot wanted to do was fine by him. Sword fighting wasn't exactly his thing, but if Carrot wanted to teach him, then why not? Time Carrot spent teaching Marron would be time spent together, anyway.
Carrot looked over the various weapons inside the shop. The selection was quite impressive; swords, daggers, broadswords, pikes, axes, strange spiky things that Carrot wasn't sure what to call them... some of the axes were large enough to merit Carrot's amazement. "Hey Marron!" he called, "Come over here!".... his thoughts had been right. Some of the axes were taller than Marron; "Who on earth would be able to even lift an axe like that, let alone use it?!"
"Niisan... father?"
Carrot blinked, "Oh, yeah. Or maybe Gateau?"
"Perhaps."
Wandering around the enclosed area, the thing that eventually caught Carrot's attention was a pair of daggers, shiny handles made out of some kind of firmly packed material, blades of about six inches each... Carrot smiled at the weapons.
"Hey, Marron? What about these?"
"What about them, niisan?"
"Well, y'know... I had my sword, but I never really used it that much... 'cept against Sacher, really. Weapons have memories... but, what about daggers? Maybe I'd get to use daggers more often. More easy to walk up and stab someone in the back with a dagger than a sword, right? Maybe even I could train up a bit, and be more useful in battles without even having to turn into a monster!"
Marron remembered the mission to the town where the Sorceress Margo had ruled, that time when Carrot'd suddenly become so morose, talking about the power that the other Sorcerer Hunters had, how the only power he had was one he got beaten and whipped for...
Marron understood why Carrot might wish to develop his skills in the field.
"I... suppose, if that's what you want, niisan..."
Carrot mused on the thought for a little longer, still staring at the daggers, before nodding finally.
"... Yeah, I'll get them. And even if I never use them, they're pretty, right? Yeah, let's get them."
So Carrot bought the daggers; money wasn't much of an issue these days, Big Mama was high enough on the social ladder to not need to worry about such things, and this lack of worry was passed onto her lucky-to-be-alive hunters. Worrying about money could come along with worrying about missions.
The evening brought a pleasant meal in the gardens of the Stella Church. It didn't take much to transport food from inside to out, and picnics were always nice to have. The hunters enjoyed them, and Dota seemed to enjoy them more than enough for everyone else's benefit.
****
Evening moved to night moved to day moved to night, again the days seemed to go past, still no missions, still just quiet happy living. Marron watched Carrot as he slept, but he barely even mumbled in his sleep, letalone woke up screaming, or anything. Marron almost missed having the opportunity to hold his brother, but he was happy that Carrot's mood seemed to have levelled out at last. He would always be there for Carrot if Carrot happened to need him... he'd always be there for Carrot, whether Carrot needed him or not.
That was something of a callous thought to have, though... and Marron never doubted that Carrot wanted him around. Everywhere Marron went, Carrot seemed to follow... and vice versa, unless Carrot was going somewhere with the Misu sisters. Again, Marron wanted them to spend time with his brother also.
After a couple of months, Marron was starting to forget the worry he'd had prior to that; perhaps Carrot was just happy to be alive; perhaps Carrot was, perhaps everyone was, perhaps Marron was the only one worrying... and even so, that worry was starting to lift, and life did really seem good. Even if Big Mama started up again with the missions, it was like no-one would mind, because everyone was alive to do missions. And it'd be something to do, at any rate.
And after another while, Carrot remembered he'd talked to Marron about teaching him how to use a sword; afternoons were therefore then spent in the Stella Church gardens, Carrot showing Marron how to hold the sword, how to swing it, how to deflect attacks, how to cause damage with the weapon... Marron would watch, Marron would repeat Carrot's movements happily enough. Carrot sometimes picked up on little errors, they'd be smoothed over.
Marron didn't seem outwardly excited about learning how to use a sword, he wasn't even sure if he'd ever use those skills even, but Carrot was right, perhaps it'd come in useful in the future, or something. It wasn't so much the learning to use the sword that Marron enjoyed; no, more than that, he enjoyed the fact that it was something that him and Carrot were doing and doing together. Just a brotherly thing, like when they'd been children... the others didn't interfere. Sometimes they watched, most of the time they were off doing their own things. Marron liked having his brother's attention like that; he liked Carrot teaching him. He liked spending time with Carrot... it was relaxing, it was one of those brotherly bonding type things... after a while, Marron's skills did seem to be improving, and when Carrot praised him, it was it's own reward for putting up with the vague tedium of waving the weapon around for that afternoon.
Marron was quietly happy with the lessons and Carrot was overtly happy with the same; Marron didn't remember his past feelings or even suspect that anything was wrong at all, not until one of the fighting sessions.
Carrot had found another sword somewhere, and was currently using it as a teaching aid.
"Okay, so if you're gonna try and defend against this... you hit it like that, that, that, this... then maybe you sweep down like that... maybe go in for a stab, but be careful they don't bring their sword down, like... if I was standing like this" Carrot stood himself up straight, "and you like this" Carrot positioned Marron so his sword was near Carrot's side, "then you could get me in the side, but I could also get you, you see?"
"Yes, niisan."
Carrot smiled, hands on his hips, standing back. He nodded his happiness at Marron, "Good! You're learning. Let's see you put that into practise, okay? Careful, I won't go easy on you just 'cause you're my brother."
There was humour in Carrot's voice; Marron knew what he meant. He stood back, holding the sword in both hands, running at Carrot as Carrot ran at him, swords clashing. The two of them deflected each other's attacks, tried to find a chance to attack... the chance didn't come, the two seemed as good as each other.
After a few moments, Carrot decided to be kind and let Marron 'win'. Marron was the student in the relationship, anyway. Carrot let one of the sword's impacts catch him off-balance, and he fell to the ground, laughing once he was there.
"Okay, okay, you win, you win."
Marron dropped to a kneel next to Carrot, a satisfied look on his face.
"Niisan let me win."
Carrot grinned deviously up at his younger brother, "Oh, you think so, huh?"
Marron nodded, "Yes."
Carrot smiled warmly, Marron was much too perceptive sometimes. "Okay, perhaps I did. But you're getting good, Marron!! You won't need me to teach you anymore, soon..."
"Perhaps that's because I have a good teacher. You're more competent with a sword than people'd initially think, niisan..."
"Yeah, well. Not like I'd ever get a chance to use it anyway. Tira and Chocolat always steal the show, whippin' and garottin' and everything... you, throwing magic and ofuda everywhere... why do I need to fight when you guys do all the work before I even get a chance? Heh, anyway, by the time I get anywhere near attacking, something hits me, and I end up transforming. Can't really use a sword when I'm a hulking monster, can I?"
Carrot noticed Marron's suddenly somewhat-worried look, "Marron?"
"Niisan... what's... that?"
"What's what?"
Marron placed his sword on the ground, pointing with a vaguely-shaking finger, indicating to Carrot's hand, the one that leant behind his head. Carrot just blinked. "What?"
Marron reached over and took Carrot's wrist in his hands. Carrot sat up, letting Marron look at his hands, looking also, wondering what it was that Marron saw there.
"Niisan, these are... what happened here? Almost like... cuts?"
Silence for a few moments. Marron spoke the truth; there seemed to be some kind of lacerated section on Carrot's wrists. Not cuts exactly, but definitely something. Like something had tried to cut the skin, but failed... marks, not deep enough to draw blood. Slight white lines.
Carrot retracted his hand suddenly, talking stiffly, as if Marron'd noticed something he shouldn't have noticed. He shook his head, "Nothing, nothing happened."
Marron didn't seem convinced, "Niisan?"
Carrot sighed deeply, supposing that Marron was expecting an explanation anyway. " Okay, okay... I... I was out... a while ago, I got caught up in some of that sharp grass, y'know the kind that kinda cuts ya when you run your fingers along it fast? I didn't realise it was there, and it... ended up cutting. I'm just letting them heal, just forget about it."
Marron tried to follow Carrot's advice, but couldn't quite bring himself to do that. The next couple of days were full of dark, uncertain thoughts. Those marks... they were just enough to tip the balance of Marron's thoughts into uncertainty again... Marron wasn't convinced by Carrot's reasoning, his story about the grass. So the grass just caught him on his wrists, or what? It wasn't just that. The grass was something Marron could deal with, it wasn't as if such things were unheard of... it was just Carrot's sudden suspicious behaviour that worried Marron the most.
Marron didn't, however, want to come out directly with "Niisan, have you been trying to kill yourself?"... Marron wanted to ask that, but... even if Carrot'd tried something like that, was it really the kind of thing he'd tell Marron about? "Oh, sure!"... no, he wouldn't admit it... Marron didn't think so, anyway. Marron hoped that, if there really was anything deeply wrong with Carrot like that, then he'd at least tell Marron of it first, see if the problem was one that could be sorted out... Carrot had said it was nothing, and Marron hoped it was. He wasn't convinced, but he hoped that, perhaps, he was just thinking too deeply on the matter.
Days passed, and Marron grew quietly more worried as they went on.
Was that the only time it'd happened? Was Carrot honestly letting his wounds heal? Were they wounds, or had they been, at some point? Maybe Carrot had been telling the truth. He was Marron's big brother, after all... Marron almost felt bad for doubting him, despite his suspicious behaviour. Maybe Carrot had just caught them on the sharp grass. Marron wondered if he was just over-reacting, choosing to pick on something because it was there to pick up on... after noticing them, Carrot hadn't mentioned them, Marron hadn't seen them, and it wasn't as if they were immediately visible, anyway.
Still, Marron kept tabs on Carrot's behaviour. Asides from his quick denial that other day, he was more or less acting normally. Usual happy genial Carrot. Occasionally he made comments that made Marron think, though. Strange little throwaway comments about the deal with Sacher, strange little sadistic comments that made Marron blink and take a mental step backwards... but still, that was all they were. Comments, sayings, nothing, Marron felt, that he should really worry about.
He did anyway.
****
Time still continued on, and still they didn't go on missions. Carrot's swordfighting lessons to Marron still continued though, and Marron grew steadily better; even though this was obvious, neither suggested stopping the lessons, even if they were growing into more of an annual swordfight rather than a lesson, as such.
About a month after Marron'd noticed the marks on Carrot's wrists, long enough for Marron to be able to look back and think that, alright, maybe it had been just something that'd happened, and if Carrot didn't want to talk about it then it was his own decision, Carrot'd been wandering around the Stella Church, swords in hand, looking for Marron.
He eventually found Marron in the gardens, sitting underneath a tree, reading a book. Carrot's look brightened to see him, supposing that perhaps he'd been out since earlier, that perhaps they'd crossed paths without realising... he wondered how long Marron'd been waiting, he hoped it hadn't been too long. Even so, Marron seemed perfectly engrossed in whatever it was he was reading; he didn't even notice Carrot approach, so Carrot decided to call out for him, "Oh, Marron! There you are!"
There was some kind of peaceful balance that seemed to surround Marron. He didn't look up when Carrot called, it was almost as if he hadn't heard him... no, it was definitely as if Marron hadn't heard him. Even if Marron was purposefully ignoring him, then he'd at least notice him at first to ignore him in the first place... Carrot frowned, that was a bit strange.
"... Marron?"
Confused, Carrot covered the rest of the distance between him and his brother, then leaned in and put his hand on Marron's shoulder, ready to shake his brother into wakefulness, had he fallen asleep or any such thing. Carrot was surprised though when he was repelled back with quite some force; he fell to the floor a few feet away, holding his hand, wincing. He shook his hand, Carrot felt uncomfortably like he'd just had an electric shock, or something similar.
"Oww..."
Carrot looked up. Marron seemed at least to have noticed him now, and was looking at him with a mixture of shock and concern. He looked ready to pounce over to where Carrot was, to make sure Carrot was alright.
"Marron, what the hell was that?"
"Niisan... niisan, you should have told me you were there!!" He closed the book and lay it on the grass next to him, leaning over so he was closer to Carrot. "I was going over some of my older magic skills... since we haven't been on missions recently, I haven't used them so often... it wouldn't do to fall out of practice. That doesn't matter, though... niisan... niisan, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm alright, my hand just hurts a bit, though. Hey, but I tried to call you! I even walked up to you and everything, but you couldn't even hear me!"
"I, I'm sorry... it's a kind of protective barrier, it forms a kind of concentration in order to let me focus my thoughts, and the magic... I suppose I lost myself in it somewhat." Marron's voice fell slightly, "Are you... sure you're alright?"
Carrot nodded, "Yeah, my hand nips, though. You coulda guessed that... eh, it'll heal, no problem."
Marron did look apologetic. "I'm sorry, niisan... I didn't mean to hurt you..."
Carrot smirked, trying to put a brave face on. Marron really did seem to feel bad about what'd happened, he decided it'd be better just to see Marron's smile again. "Ah, It's okay, I've had worse happen before. Hey, at least I didn't turn into a rampaging monster, if I'd gone beast form and you'd just been lost there, I mighta squashed you!! Wouldn't be too nice. How come I didn't turn into a monster, though? It's... magic, isn't it?"
"Niisan, keep in mind... it wasn't attack magic, or anything negative... it wasn't designed to be, anyway. It just happened to deflect you. I... don't think magic barriers were designed to be prodded."
"Oh, okay."
There was silence for a few moments. Carrot smiled, a little embarrassed. "So... I guess you don't wanna carry on with the swordpractice, huh? All involved in yer magic stuff..."
Marron still looked concerned, "Niisan, if you've hurt your hand, you shouldn't really... come here, niisan."
Carrot obediently crawled closer to Marron, and let his hand be taken. Marron turned it so the palm faced him, he put his own palm over Carrot's. He closed his eyes, concentrating quietly for a few moments... his hand glowed a bright, light blue, and Marron's heart fluttered inexplicably at Carrot's seemingly loud relaxed exhalation.
"... Ohh... Marron..."
A moment's pause.
"... N-niisan... did that... help?"
Carrot retracted his hand, nodding with a smile on his face. "Yeah, that feels great now, thanks. Good as new. Better than new! You really know how to do your healing magic. Definitely comes in handy. Anyway, as I was saying... you, doing all the magic stuff... you probably don't wanna do the swordpractice, since you were busy..."
Carrot stood up, about to go back inside to put the swords away, but was caught by Marron shaking his head, smiling serenely.
"I don't mind, niisan. You got the swords out, so... my magic revision can come later. I... I don't mind it... spending time with niisan..."
Carrot grinned, reaching over and ruffling the top of Marron's hair. "You're too sweet, otouto."
So, the rest of the afternoon was filled with the sword practice. This continued on until sundown, at which point, the two went inside to eat, joined up with the others for a short while, exchanged happy chat and gossip, then went up to their bedrooms to sleep for the night.
Carrot jumped onto his bed, sighing happily as he did so. "Aa-aah, that was pretty good! You really ARE getting better, otouto. Can't be much more to teach ya. What should we try next? Archery? Kendo? Wrestling?"
Marron went to a bookcase underneath the window in the room and put his magic book there, alongside countless similar tomes. As Carrot spoke, the thought of being caught in a bodily tangle with Carrot crept across his mind and stayed there for a little longer than it perhaps should have done; he froze for a moment, then brushed the thought aside.
"Oh, um..."
He smiled.
"Whatever niisan wants."
Carrot just smiled back, "Whatever sounds good. Maybe we should try and find out what kinda magic Sacher had, and then maybe we could get you learning that dignified sophisticated form of magic, summoning hugeassed spikes out of the ground to impale people on..." Carrot caught Marron's half-disapproving glare. "Hey, at least if Sacher ever came back, we could give him a taste of his own medicine."
There was a slightly uncomfortable silence in the room. Marron just stared at Carrot, not quite comfortable with that line of humour. Carrot just stared back, trying to figure out what'd riled Marron up this time. He sighed.
"Jeez, well, y'know..."
The dark mood lasted for all of a couple of moments before Carrot burst into smiles again, waving his arms around.
"But isn't it great? That was a really pretty sunset today, did you see it? All the reds and yellows and pinks and oranges, really pretty. We shoulda got that whassname bloke in to paint it... y'know, the guy Tira and Chocolat fell for that time... that guy with the long hair..."
Marron thought briefly, then remembered. "Julian Monet?"
"Yeah, him. Shame he vanished without a trace, I guess he's off in other towns and stuff, still painting and things... hey, maybe we could try that next!! Painting!! Could be relaxing, waving all those brushes around and stuff."
Marron sat down on his own bed, laughing gently. "And who would teach us, niisan?"
Carrot sounded playfully indignant, "We could teach ourselves!! Can't be that hard, can it? Couple of lines, bit of colour, voilá! A tree!"
"I think it requires marginally more skill than 'a few lines and some colour', niisan."
"Well, okay, perhaps."
Carrot was pulling his tanktop off as he spoke. He looked over at Marron, who just sat on his bed, making no move to remove his own clothes or get ready for sleep himself. Carrot patted at his bed to illustrate his point, "C'mon, sleepy-time. Aren't you gonna get changed?"
Marron blinked at Carrot, "Hm? Oh, I, I wasn't feeling too tired. Also, tonight's a full moon. I... wanted to practice my magic by moonlight, I've heard that the moon has the power to increase power in some forms of magic..."
"Marron, admit it, you just wanna go outside 'cause it's pretty when the moon's out."
Marron smiled warmly, "That too."
Carrot nodded, accepting Marron's line of reasoning. "Well, okay, if you wanna go do that, you go do that. I'm tired, I'm gonna... sleep, now. Yeah."
Marron got up from his bed, Carrot pointed over. "While you're over there, could you pass me that nightshirt?"... Marron did. "Thanks."
Marron went back over to the bookshelf, and knelt next to it. He ran his fingers over the spines of the books, looking for something... he eventually seemed to find what it was that he was looking for, and pulled the book out. The book next to it fell back half-diagonally, filling the previous book's place.
Marron smiled over at Carrot, just to double-check. "So... are you sure you'll be alright, niisan?"
Carrot smiled back, pulling his nightshirt on over his head. He nodded as Marron walked over to the door of the room, his hand on the doorknob. "Yeah, sure, I'll be okay. You just go do your magic thing, have fun. I'll, uh, see you in the morning, okay?"
Marron waited at the door for a few moments, holding the door open with one hand. The book was carried underneath one arm; Marron nodded. He seemed content, "Alright. Sleep well, niisan."
Carrot nodded back, sounding good-naturedly harried. "Yes, yes, I will, I will."
Marron watched as Carrot fell back onto the bed and pulled the covers up around his body. Carrot pulled the blankets around him, moving so just his closed eyes and the top half of his head were visible. He didn't move after that; Marron accepted that Carrot was now ready to sleep for the night, and quietly turned his back on the room, shutting the door. It clicked with one audible sound, and Marron was gone.
Carrot waited a few moments after he heard the sound of the door, then, being sure he was alone in the room, sat up. He stared at the door, sure that Marron was gone now. He smiled, almost sadly.
"Goodnight, Marron. Goodbye, too... and sorry, I guess."
He hopped neatly from his bed to the floor, looking around the room. He walked over to the bedside cabinet that separated his bed and Marron's bed, located a small oil lamp, and lit it. It lent it's small light to the room... Carrot held it up so the light shone upon more, he looked around the room. He frowned, talking quietly to himself.
"... Damn... where did I put those daggers... they're in here somewhere, I know they are..."
****
The corridor was dark, but not scary in any way at all. Marron walked along with a smile, not that anybody was around to see his smile. His footsteps, even his light, padding footsteps, seemed loud in the dark hallway. Anything seemed loud... even the near-inaudible sound Marron made in his sheer happiness.
Marron walked past the windows in the corridor, walking from darkness to the moon-bestowed light, casting a glance over each window as he did so.
One window, he stopped at. He hugged the magic book closely to his chest and leant his elbows against the windowsill. The corridor was silent, and outside seemed silent too... Marron reached to unlock the catch of the window. A change in sound was audible, but no sound seemed to increase. Marron found himself sensing some of the sounds of the outside world, the irresistible whisper of the wind in the trees, a far-off sound of a door slamming (or something similar) from the nearby city... but so quiet, chiefly...
Marron was happy to remain at the windowsill for a few moments. If he just walked the rest of the corridor, descended the stairs and walked out through the great hall, he'd be outside. He'd be outside, and he'd be able to continue with his magic study.
That said, the waiting was half the fun. Feeling just a little of the cold night air on his face, being able to look forward to his study... no doubt it'd be cold outside, but it was always so refreshing... such a nice thing to feel, it made Marron glad to be alive to feel something like that...
Marron pulled away from the windowsill, continuing along down the corridor, listening to his soft footsteps. For a moment, his heart felt heavy... he was glad to be alive to be able to do such relaxing things, but... it'd been so close, and he might not have been able to do such things at all... no doubt he would have lived on somehow in some other place, but... that would have been so different, and that would have been... without Carrot...
Quietly shaking himself back to his senses, Marron recalled the conversation he'd had with Gateau the day after they'd come back. About how he was lucky to have been able to come back, how they were all fortunate to have been given a second chance... Marron steeled his resolve at that thought. Gateau was right, they were lucky. Too many innocent people died at the hands of Sorcerers, people so pure and innocent, and did they get second chances? Did their loved ones have a chance to see them again?
Walking out through the door that led to the outer grounds, Marron couldn't help but feel a kind of injustice. He wasn't complaining that he and the others had been brought back, but even so... everybody died, some people sooner rather than later, but... what had they done to earn that chance, other than be born with the Four Peer Gods inside them?
Making his way to the large tree from earlier, Marron supposed it couldn't be thought of like that; such things, unfortunately, were just luck. Some people were luckier than others. He was one of the lucky ones. Still, to someone with such a strong sense of justice as Marron, the situation still seemed terribly, terribly unfair... there wasn't any point in trying to reason with it, it just was, but that didn't stop how unfair it seemed.
Unfair to other people, of course. Marron didn't dare complain against the fact that he was with his brother once more. The idea of being without Carrot scared Marron more than anything, and the thought that he actually had, and hadn't known... that thought sent a chill racing through his body...
It'd been lucky, though. It'd been lucky that he'd been reincarnated, lucky that Big Mama had been able to bring them back like that, lucky that they'd all come back, lucky that he was able to be with his brother again. Marron wasn't sure how happy he felt, chalking everything important to him at that moment up to luck, but... it was the only possible way. There'd been no prior plan that'd dealt with it all beforehand... it was just luck that meant that he'd been born with one of the Four Gods inside him, that he was connected to his brother and the others so, that they had somebody as self-sacrificing as Big Mama to look out for them...
Marron shook his head. He'd been standing underneath the tree for a good while, just looking out upon the darkness, contemplating matters of life and death... he still held the magic book close to him, that was his prior reason for being outside.
Sitting down, Marron couldn't help but think to himself, it was an interesting subject. He couldn't help but see life in a slightly different way... no doubt the others, too... not many people could say they'd died, and come back.
And of course, such an event would likely have an effect on Carrot, too...
Marron couldn't help but worry, there. Marron vaguely remembered his own death, as if in some far-off dream... but from what he'd heard, what came after his death was the worst thing. And that which happened to the others... his own death had been on his own terms, he'd sealed his brother's fear with his own life, and, to Marron, it made perfect sense to do such a thing. What was his own life in comparison to his brother's life? Well, not quite that, but... how was Marron supposed to forgive himself if he let his brother be twisted so?
That didn't excuse the fact that Gateau, Chocolat and Tira had died in, to Marron, unimaginable pain; the feeling of giving himself to his brother was still in his mind, but the others... he remembered their talk... how Sacher had ruthlessly beaten up Gateau to within an inch of his life, then snatched that away... about how he'd attacked Tira and Chocolat with their own weapons, then impaled them...
Marron fell onto his back, looking up at the tree above him. Seemed he couldn't shift those thoughts from his mind. What kind of pain must that have been? It hurt in battle to have this or that happen, though hurts like that could always be cured... he knew that Gateau was a strong fighter, though. And he hadn't even been able to touch Sacher...
Talking with Gateau about it, like Marron, he seemed to only be able to remember that time as if in a hazy, far-off dream... but the image of Sacher smirking at him, that image still burnt in his nightmares.
Marron issued an annoyed noise as he sat up, drumming his fingers against the grass. Magic! Magic studies! That was why he was outside, not to speculate and procrastinate!
He looked around to where the book had fallen when he'd lay down; he picked it up and brushed grass from it, smiling warmly to himself.
"... If I carry on like this for much longer, it'll be sunrise, and I'll have missed the chance..."
Marron allowed himself a quiet little laugh, amused at himself for his line of thought, and for his talking to himself. Did he expect himself to respond?
It was quite dark in the grounds, though. Marron could see, but only vaguely. Light would be needed. Either an ofuda, or... ah, another magic spell could be used. That would count under magic studies, would it not? Yes, it would.
Marron held his hands to his chest, clasping them together. He took a moment to remember the needed spell, then chanted.
"En vren tú rumi nós se réirú..."
As Marron pushed his hands away from his chest, a small ball of light gathered between them. Marron opened his eyes, saw the ball of light, and was pleased. Such a thing took up more strength than calling an ofuda to light, but it could be held in place, rather than an ofuda, which would just darken once he dropped it.
Marron set his book up closer to the tree, and held the small ball of light over it. He did a slight hand movement, and slowly brought his guiding hand away; the ball of light obediently hovered where he left it, illuminating the book perfectly. Marron smiled, magic could be such a useful thing sometimes.
He wondered what it'd be like for many of that spell to be cast... something like many large fireflies, perhaps? No doubt the effect would be stunning... such a pretty little thing. Marron took a moment to really look at the ball of light... something seemed to zip around the contained area, causing the light... it made a light 'hnnnn' sound also. Soothing to listen to.
Drawing himself up into a momentary cross-legged position, Marron flipped through the book. What spell was it he wanted to work on... he looked down the pages. Some spells had different rules... some spells could only be first practiced on... he raised his eyebrow at some of them. Some spells called for a live volcano to draw power from, some from thunderstorms, some from hail, snow, any kind of weather. Some spells thrived in the light, some spells thrived in the darkness. Some spells called upon the power of life, some called upon the power of death.
As his finger traced down the current page, Marron realised he wasn't quite concentrating on what his finger was following. Again, the thought of what'd happened occurred to him.
He'd sealed away his brother's fear - and also the almost-unleashed power of Hakaishin - that time. He'd sealed it away at the cost of his own life, but... for the life of him, Marron couldn't remember quite how he'd done that. Was it something that could be repeated?
With the consequences in mind, Marron decided it'd be best if it wasn't.
He was still curious, though. He'd felt the destructive power coming from his brother, he'd conquered his own feelings of fear and hopelessness, and he'd turned that feeling into power and courage, sent to his brother to ensure his survival...
... but how?!
Marron supposed it'd just been something that'd happened for the circumstance. Such an extreme circumstance... such a thing surely couldn't be done in a battle against a usual Sorcerer, but... more than anything else, Marron wanted his brother to live, and to be happy. Preferably both at the same time. Marron knew his own habit of turning into a psychopathic killing machine when his brother's life was threatened, and that could be at the merest provocation...
That situation had been different, though. Of course, there was anger at Sacher for inducing such a state onto his brother, but more than that, was the matter of Carrot's safety... Marron supposed that, just as the state of psychopathic rage tended to overtake his mind in other situations, the opposite had happened then; nothing had been important at that time, not Sacher, not his own life, not anybody else, just his brother. It'd suddenly become a matter of life and death; Carrot's life, and Marron's death. And Marron hadn't felt any qualms about doing so, not at all.
Maybe somebody else might have worried about it, have panicked about death, but... that thought hadn't really occurred to Marron. As long as Carrot could live, that was the most important thing. Death had almost been something he'd subconsciously welcomed, if only to know that his live had been given to the most important cause... and just before he'd died, he'd seen his brother, human once more... heard his voice speak his name with concern... and he'd felt only peace as life slipped away from him, knowing that Carrot was alive... that was enough.
Marron couldn't help but smile wryly at his book, though. All the magic books he had, all the volumes and tomes and everything... he doubted that that exact spell, or state of mind, or state of magic, or whatever it'd been... he doubted that anything like that could be found in such tomes.
But as for now, Marron reminded himself, now, it was quiet. It was quiet, it was peaceful, Sacher Torte wasn't looming anywhere ready to strike, nobody was about to die, everybody was sleeping peacefully in their beds, waiting for another peaceful morning to rise over Façade.
Marron frowned as he looked through his book. The spell he wanted... where was it...
He lifted the book to his lap, shifting under the light ball. Where was it? Surely it was in this book... it had to be... he was sure it was... pretty sure... quite sure... or maybe it was in another book...
After a few moments of frantic flicking through the book's pages, Marron sighed. Seemed he had brought the wrong book out after all. And if he hadn't been so preoccupied with his thoughts, he might have noticed that a long time before, and not when he'd been outside for so long...
Marron stared at the light, as if it was supposed to offer any kind of input to the situation.
"I could just go back inside and sleep... or should I concentrate on the spells that are in this book, even though they're not the ones I... oh, I should get the other book... it's only my own fault I brought out the wrong one..."
Marron stood up, holding the book, watching the light. He was pretty confident it'd stay there... he couldn't help but wonder what'd happen if someone saw it from the main building... not everyone was going to know Marron was out practicing magic, after all. Still, if it caused any kind of uproar, it could only be amusing, even if in a mischievous way.
With a loud sigh, Marron made his way back to Eden, back to his room, hoping only that he wouldn't disturb his brother too badly when he returned to their bedroom.
Despite his prior line of thinking, nothing quite prepared him for what was waiting for him once he did return.
****
It hurt.
Undoubtedly, it hurt.
Maybe not hurt as such... more like... it stung... yes, that was it... it stung, and it stung badly...
Earlier, Carrot had been blinking tears away, but now he didn't see the point in it. It stung, and he cried, but he just let tears run down his cheeks unchecked. His view would be misty, and that'd been when he'd blinked, but now he watched through half-lidded eyes, and now, he didn't care.
Those blades had been sharp, hadn't they? Carrot had been impressed. A test swipe against the edge of his bed had rendered the sheet a nice clean cut through it... Carrot had held the dagger with awe. If that was what it did to fabric, then... what might it do to flesh?
A red seam ran across Carrot's upper arm, his testing area. That stung now... it hadn't really stung when he'd done it at first, it was just now that he'd had a short while to grow used to the idea of having a cut there, and the sting was starting to register, now. He supposed it was like some other cuts and wounds; sometimes you could have a cut, and you wouldn't feel it at all, not until you noticed it, or somebody pointed it out, and then, only then, that was when it really began to sting.
The pain was a release, though. A kind of release. It hurt now, but... in time, it wouldn't hurt. Not too much longer, and there wouldn't be anything at all. No worry, no pain, just... just nothing.
Carrot couldn't help but feel a little guilty, though. Marron was so loving, so trusting, he didn't suspect anything at all... well, maybe he had suspected, back in the past. But Carrot'd lied, made it seem like it was nothing... he'd been careful, and Marron hadn't seemed to suspect anything at all. Now he was gone for the night... Carrot remembered dimly how Marron'd been earlier on in the afternoon, where he'd been so overtaken by his magic studies. It wasn't unheard of for Marron to fall asleep out on Eden's grounds, preoccupied with some magic... thing...
Carrot hoped that'd be the circumstance this time around. It'd be that bit easier...
No, it wouldn't. No way could it be easy. It wouldn't be easy for any of them... not for Marron, not for Tira and Chocolat, not even for Gateau...
A harder resolve formed in Carrot's mind, "THEY shouldn't have died in the first place!!"
... The thought formed, and was gone. Was he really so bitter? They'd died, but... they'd come back! They'd come back. They'd come back, they were around... but what was there that kept things like that? Life really was a fragile thing, wasn't it... anything could happen... anything could happen, and the uncertainty had been biting at Carrot ever since they'd returned to Eden. An earthquake could kill them while they slept, a Sorcerer could kill them while they weren't watching, anything... anything could happen... and they'd be dead... did they really hold their own lives at all? Things seemed so uncertain, and the thought made Carrot feel so hopeless...
The only solution seemed to be to take his own life into his own hands. The sadness, the pain... he didn't want to feel that anymore. The others had died, hadn't they? They'd died... so... if they'd died, he could die too, couldn't he?
The cuts on his wrists bled into the sheeting on the bed. From the oil lamp next to him, he could see it'd spread out quite a bit... no doubt his blanket'd have blood on it too. His nightshirt, bunched up somewhere on the bed, might do also...
Such a headache he suddenly had, but such a dull pain... he found it hard to concentrate on anything, he felt dizzy. He supposed that that meant that... this was it... it was getting close, and even though it hurt, it'd stop soon... how much blood might he have lost? He wasn't sure.
Darker... it seemed to be getting darker. Carrot lifted his head, heavy as it suddenly felt. Was the light going out? ... He couldn't even hold his head up anymore. No, that light still burnt happily enough in it's little lamp. Not that light going out. Not that one.
Marron made little enough sound walking along the corridor for Carrot not to notice. Even Marron barely heard his own footsteps... lithe and quiet as he was...
Holding the magic book to himself, Marron pressed the door's handle closely to his hand, opening it as quietly as he could manage. Carrot was a pretty deep sleeper, but even so, he didn't want to risk disturbing him.
His first surprise was looking up as he walked in, to see the bedside lamp on. He frowned and looked up, all in a second, and met Carrot's eyes as they looked up also.
"Ma-Marron!"
"Niisan?"
It took a second or two for Marron to realise the situation; the light was on, Carrot was leant on his side on the bed... blood was visible on his upper arm, dried where it'd started to run down his arm... his sheets... what was that on them? Something dark... that was blood too? Carrot held his wrists close to the bed. Blood... had the blood come from them?
For a moment, those thoughts jumbled inside Marron's mind; his brother, sitting on the bed... all that blood! Oh, and there were those daggers there... one of them... was that blood there, on it's blade? Yes, it seemed to be.
The connection formed itself in Marron's mind, and he threw the heavy book to the floor, his original purpose forgotten; he ran forward, "NIISAN, NO!!"
"Marron, don't come any closer!"
Carrot sounded like he wanted to shout, but wasn't capable of it anymore... for once, Marron ignored Carrot, quickly scrabbling onto the bed, rolling Carrot onto his back... without the pressure of being pressed against the bed (which Carrot had almost been unknowingly doing), the blood flowed freely again; Marron let out a cry at seeing that, and quickly pressed his own hands to Carrot's wrists; Marron closed his eyes, chanting something inaudible. Carrot looked up at him, frowning. What was Marron doing?
After a moment, Marron removed one bloodied hand... the blood flow was less, but... once more, he closed his eyes, did the chanting... Carrot realised, with an irrational sense of bother, that Marron was obviously healing him. At realising that, at feeling the healing and curing spells which Marron usually employed after battle... Carrot broke from Marron's hold, "NO, Marron!"
Marron pulled back, blood on his own hands; he'd been too shocked to cry, but when he saw Carrot's angry face, he felt tears running down his cheeks. He looked down at his hands, saw Carrot's blood on them. He looked back at his brother, casting half a glance to the sheets below the two of them... Marron currently straddled Carrot's legs, he shifted as Carrot sat up, Carrot sitting at the far end of the bed, Marron knelt in the middle of it.
"Niisan..."
Tears overcame him, "Ni-... niisan... why?"
Carrot held at his wrists, as if he didn't want Marron to see what he'd done, despite the situation. He couldn't bear to look into Marron's tearful eyes for too long; he didn't feel dizzy anymore, he didn't hurt anymore, physically, his body felt quite healthy and refreshed... that frustrated him. He looked away, looking across at the window.
"You weren't supposed to come in."
Carrot's voice was low. Marron reached over, shaking at Carrot's shoulder a little, leaving a handprint.
"Niisan... niisan, how can you... how could you... how can you do something like that?! I wasn't supposed to come in... that means... that means, you didn't want anybody to stop you... niisan... was I supposed to come in in the morning, and find you... find you... d-..."
Marron's voice wavered; he choked back his sob, looking down, letting his hands drop to his lap.
"... I wasn't even supposed to know..."
Carrot didn't move his stare away from the window, "... I don't want to live anymore."
"Niisan how can you say that? Niisan... niisan, after everything that happened..."
Carrot looked back up, speaking angrily.
"EXACTLY after everything that happened, Marron! How can you be so happy?! Always walking around, always being so... so... so how you are... how can you be like that?! How can everyone be like that?! You were the ones who died, and you didn't even have to see it all... something might happen again! Anything might happen again! We don't know what's going to happen, and I just can't TAKE it anymore! That uncertainty, that feeling... every single fucking day, I wonder if we're all gonna be there at the end of it, even when it's just a quiet day... I can't carry on like this!"
Marron just watched Carrot, looking and feeling empty.
"... Niisan..."
"How can you be like that!? You don't know what's gonna happen! I mean... I mean... we might go up against a Sorcerer... he might be a total bastard, like Sacher was... he might... he might... I dunno, he might... he might grab you and not let you go... then he might... he might slice your head off! And cut open your chest, and break your ribs open, and rip out your bleeding still-beating heart, then pull your-"
Carrot was silenced by the flat of Marron's hand against his cheek.
"-Oph..."
Marron was angry, tearfully so. He stared at Carrot, who held at his cheek for a moment. Maybe the impact had been a little harder than Marron had meant it to be, but it at least quietened him... a few seconds past, Carrot looked back up at Marron, a little more wide-eyed. Marron'd... hit him? He'd never done that before, never... Marron'd never hurt Carrot, but he'd... Marron'd hit him?
"Ma-... Marron?"
Marron shook as he breathed, his eyes angry, his tears still flowing.
"Niisan, be quiet. Don't speak like that."
Another moment, then Carrot smirked.
"See, it gets to you too... that might happen, or it might happen to me... come on, can you imagine what that'd be like? Feeling so helpless as you see the people most important to you die horribly? Can you even IMAGINE that?!"
Carrot sat up slightly, moving closer to Marron.
"Can you even IMAGINE that, otouto?! Seeing the people you grew up with, friends, family, people you loved... seeing them all be slaughtered like that? Seeing you like that... seeing what happened to Gateau... what happened to Chocolat... what happened to Tira... all of that... I couldn't do anything... and I had to watch all of that... do you have even the faintest idea what that was like?!"
"Niisan... niisan... I can't... I-"
Carrot leapt forward, pressing Marron to the bed.
"Exactly. You can't even imagine it, 'cause it's too terrible, right? What's to stop it happening again? Is there anything you can do? No, there isn't... anything I can do... anything anybody can do? Even Big Mama can't do anything!"
"Ni- niisan..."
"We don't even know what happened to Sacher, do we? What if he comes back, what if he wants my power again? Would we end up like that again, running around, pathetic in front of his stupidly strong powers? We couldn't even hit him... hell, I even shoved a sword through his chest, and he didn't even flinch! He just broke the sword like it was nothing, and carried on after me... he's not human, Marron. No human could have that happen and brush it off like it was nothing! Our powers against him, they were nothing! We are nothing against him, and he killed you all... he killed you all 'cause of me..."
"Niisan... niisan, you couldn't have helped it... you didn't choose to have Hakaishin within you, none of us did..."
"No, but I do, don't I!? Hakaishin, is within me. ME. Carrot Glacé. No matter how much I wish it wasn't, it is. And as long as Hakaishin's in me, Sacher's gonna be after me, isn't he? Wherever the hell he is... if he wants that power so badly, he's not gonna let it go so easily, is he?! He'll come back, I'm sure of it... he'll come back, he'll come back and he'll want me and we won't be able to do anything against him, and he'll do something bad again... he'll probably kill you guys again... destroy the seal... 'cause he can only get at Hakaishin once the seal of the Four Peer Gods is broken, right? So... again... he'd kill... just to get at me..."
Marron didn't know what to say to that. He just stared up at Carrot, "... Niisan..."
"I can't do anything about it, Marron! You said it yourself, I couldn't help it... so as long as that thing is inside me, he's gonna be after me! But... but if I died... then... I'd be dead, and... maybe Hakaishin'd be reborn inside someone else, but... that's the thing it'd be in somebody else... I could be free... Marron, you shouldn't have stopped me just now. I want to be free of this thing inside me... the only way I can be free, is if I destroy myself... 'cause Hakaishin can't live in a dead body, can it?"
Marron's eyes narrowed, seeing Carrot through wavering vision.
"Niisan, please... please don't talk like that..."
"It's all too hopeless, Marron. We live, and we carry on living, but we're all gonna die someday, aren't we? Face it, I'm probably gonna die when Hakaishin's resurrected anyway, s-"
"Nobody says Hakaishin will be resurrected..."
"Until I see Sacher Torte's dead body, I won't be satisfied. And even if Sacher were to go, who's to say there aren't whole sects and gatherings of Sorcerers, wanting my power, wanting to cleanse the world, all of that crap? And it's all because of me! It's... it's all because of me..."
Suddenly, inexplicably, Carrot broke down into tears. Marron looked up as Carrot looked away, closing his eyes tightly, the dried tracks on his face made fresh as tears flowed once more.
"... It's... it's all because of me..."
Marron reached up, pulling Carrot towards him in a protective hug. Carrot fell willingly, suddenly seeming as if he had no energy left in his body... he sobbed against Marron's robe for a few moments, Marron staring up at the ceiling, his mind swimming. So there had been something wrong with Carrot all that time. How could there have been something affecting him so deeply that he hadn't noticed? How could his brother have been suicidal, and he hadn't even known about it?
If he'd decided to stay outside, leaning magic from that other book... if he'd chosen the right one on the first place... he might not have got back in time, and then... he'd have come back to find Carrot...
Marron hugged Carrot more tightly, stroking his hair, whispering soft words of encouragement to him, his title, telling him it would be alright, that he was there for him... Carrot just cried into Marron's robe, before quietening a little. Marron loosened his hold a little, "... Niisan, are you... alright?"
"... It's all because of me... it's because of me, it's because I've got Hakaishin in me... apart from that, I'm nobody... you're always looking after me so much, and idolizing me, and going psycho because of me, and all of that... and I don't get why, 'cause I'm really not that special... Gateau fought for me, he fought because he didn't want me sacrificing myself for you... Tira and Chocolat, they love me, but why? Why is it me they love? What is it about me that makes all these things happen? Sacher after me, you guys all fighting for me and protecting me... it's stupid, 'cause I'm really not someone who should be protected at all... I shoulda just died ages ago, 'cause... 'cause there's just no point in staying alive, 'cause... I'm only gonna bring people pain..."
Marron's tight hold was replaced, "Niisan, don't talk like that! You don't bring me pain... niisan, we all react like that... we all react like that because we love you... I love you... and even if it seems hopeless, I don't want you to die..."
"Yeah, and you think I wanted you to die either?!"
"Ni- niisan..."
"Just now, you rushed in here and healed me all up and all... imagine what it'd be like if it was different, and I was the one with the magic powers and you the one with the creepy destruction god inside you, and you found me dying, or saw me dying, or whatever... you managed to do something, but... I had to watch you die and I couldn't do anything at all! I had to watch as that spike went through you... I had to watch while that happened... while he took you from me, and I couldn't even grieve for you, or for anyone else, because everything happened so quickly... then... when you did die... the place where you went, was a place without me, and I was left alone... and you didn't even know about me, and... in those lives... I wasn't even there... and you didn't remember me, but I remembered you... and all I wanted to do was to see you again, but I couldn't even do that, 'cause... 'cause when I did see you, you were up on those spikes, totally dead..."
"Niisan... I can't help that we didn't remember you, and it hurts me more than you can imagine that we were like that... an entire life we lived without you, the idea scares me like nothing else... niisan, that idea scares me like nothing else..."
Marron took hold of one of Carrot's wrists.
"... don't make it a reality... please..."
Once more, Marron's voice wavered on the edge of tears; Carrot watched silently, let Marron hold his arm for a few moments... he pulled his hand away, and went back to sitting at the end of the bed, closer to the bedside cabinet, closer to the blood, closer to the daggers. His voice was halting, like he knew what he wanted to say, but not quite how he wanted to say it.
"... Marron... I, I... I hate having to bring people pain, and I don't wanna bring you pain either, so... it's the only way I can think of, you know? The others'll have pain too, but... you're my treasured little brother, and nobody means quite as much to me as to what you do, you know?"
Marron frowned, uneasy.
"Niisan... niisan, what are you trying to say..."
He felt rising panic as Carrot picked up the clean blade, idly throwing it into the air, catching it by it's handle. He looked at the blade, then at Marron.
"I said it before... if it happened that we had to die again, I'd rather die with you than have to go through your death again... 'cause... if we got reincarnated, then... maybe we'd get reincarnated together? And then we'd be somewhere away from Sacher..."
Carrot's voice sounded too happy for the situation.
"... we'd be free, Marron! You and I, we... we could escape him, we could escape together, and nobody'd have to see anybody die, except for the one time, but... we wouldn't be able to help that... but surely if we got away from the others, it'd be splitting us up, therefore if Sacher did appear again, he'd get confused and not be able to do anything... and... it's this world that Sacher wants to purify, isn't it? It's this world he wants to use Hakaishin's power on, to destroy... so... if we were in the other world, the place you went to when you died... surely he wouldn't be able to do anything at all, right?"
"Niisan, you're scaring me, what... what are you trying to say?"
Carrot put the dagger's handle between his teeth and crawled over to Marron on all fours; he crawled up, kneeling next to and partly behind his brother. He leant his right arm over Marron's shoulders, pulling him close suddenly. He reached over, taking the blade out of his mouth... he ran the dull side of the blade over Marron's neck, over the cloth collar of his robe. Marron's breathing quickened as he felt the blade turn... the tip picked over the catch, severing strands of material, letting his collar fall so slightly open.
Carrot's face was pressed next to Marron's own; Carrot shifted so he was behind Marron, one arm holding Marron across his chest, the other still holding the blade. His head moved back to Marron's shoulder, chin pressing against it. He smiled, but Marron didn't see that... his voice was a strange whisper, thick with a meaning Marron didn't understand.
"Otouto... Marron... my beautiful, loyal, darling little brother... my dearest relative... my love..."
Marron tried to pull away, but was stopped by the arm and the blade.
"Niisan-! Niisan, what are you saying... niisan... niisan, please, just tell me! I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong!"
Carrot's head nuzzled slowly up Marron's neck, Marron was sure he felt his brother's lips press against the soft skin, otherwise breathing slowly against it... Marron was unsure, and he was scared. He didn't understand what Carrot was doing... holding him like that, moving so slowly... and then there was the dagger... anything else Marron had in mind certainly didn't involve the dagger.
Head now against the top of Marron's head, Carrot leant against Marron's ear. He licked it slowly, ending with a bite near the top... Marron made a confused sound, "Ahn-n... niisan... niisan..."
He wanted to ask 'What are you doing?', but was no longer entirely sure he wanted to know. Anything, as long as it prevented his brother's suicidal leanings... Marron leant his head back, feeling Carrot's shoulder behind his head. Even if it meant his own purity... for his brother, that... that was alright...
Carrot whispered so quietly into Marron's ear, sounding so quiet even though he was so close...
"... Marron. When two people love each other... when they love each other so much, they'll do anything for each other... right?"
Marron closed his eyes, feeling those lips against his skin again.
"Y-yes, niisan..."
Carrot spoke in his same even tone, "... They'll do... anything... anything to make sure the other is alright... and that's like you and me, isn't it? You'd do anything to make sure I was alright, I'd do anything to make sure you were alright... you'd die to make sure I was alright... you've already done that... and, my beloved little brother... if it came to it... to make sure you survived, if there was no other way... I'd rather die than see you in pain also..."
"Ni, niisan... your death would be my pain..."
"I know, I know... hush for a moment, listen to me."
Marron dropped into silence. Carrot's voice was... his voice was so soft, so calm, so laid-back... but with that strange tone Marron couldn't place... the one that un-nerved him more than any other... still the blade pressed against him. And his brother's body was warm against him... he couldn't ignore that, he couldn't...
"Now... when two people love each other so much... and they'd do anything like that for each other... and they both know of each of their feelings... that's when they call them lovers... they love each other more than anything or anybody else, they'd do anything for each other... their world revolves around the other... and they're in love."
Carrot paused for long enough for Marron to wonder if he was expecting him to say anything... ignoring the pause, Carrot carried on, now addressing Marron directly.
"... So, tell me, Marron. Honestly. Who's the person you love the most?"
"I- in what way, niisan?"
Carrot's hold became tighter, "In any way, Marron. Out of everybody you know in your life, who's the person you love overall? ... We both know the answer..."
A moment's pause, "... You, niisan."
Marron felt Carrot's nod against him, "I knew you'd say that. I'm the person you love the most... and you too, I don't have to pretend in my feelings for you... the Misu sisters, I guess in a way I love them, you do too... and in a weird way, I guess I kind of love Gateau too. Don't you dare quote me on that. But... though I love all those guys, none of them are you, none of them are like you, none of them are my brother... and you're the person I can go to when I want to cry, I can trust you to look after me and comfort me... and even if it's hopeless, your body is warm, and your voice is comforting... so the person I can love most easily, is you..."
"A-ah..."
"So you see... we both know of our feelings, don't we? We both love each other... and we'd both do anything for each other... my world without you... I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe that you were gone... and your world, you didn't even know me... but it was realising that you did know me that brought you back... wasn't it?"
"Yes, niisan..."
"... You see... lovers'll do anything for each other, and do anything to be together. Won't they, Marron?"
"Ye-yes, but I don't see what that has to do... with you and I..."
Carrot moved the hand around Marron's stomach up to his head, fingers lightly brushing against Marron's skin, tracing his jawline, brushing a few hairs here and there out of the way... he stroked at Marron's hair, then dropped his hand down again.
"... Lovers will do anything for each other and they'll do anything and everything to be together. Do you remember an old story of lovers who couldn't be together?"
Marron's mind raced for the appropriate tale, "Niisan?"
"They loved each other more than life itself, and so, in the end, ended up taking their own lives in order to be together. See, people think that's romantic, and so they call it lover's suicide, when lovers take their own lives in a drastic situation..."
Another pause while Marron took this in.
"I still don't see what that has to do with us, niisan..."
A light laugh that didn't calm Marron's nerves any.
"This relationship we have... we're brothers, but we're almost like lovers, aren't we? With that steady devotion of yours... who else might you love more than me? And if we were lovers, wouldn't that be a forbidden relationship? Such condemned love? As things are, our lives are so threatened, we could have the rest of our lives together, or only until tonight... but if we escaped this world, if we escaped it together, then... then we could be free... together..."
"Ni-niisan, talking like that... talking as if we were... as if we were... more..."
Carrot hushed Marron gently, stroking Marron's chin with the hand that clutched the dagger, "Sssh, sssh. You don't have to think like that if it disturbs you, my brother. No, it's just... the tales of those lovers who commit lover's suicide... they kill themselves to be together, don't they?"
Marron felt Carrot's legs snake around him, next to his hips, over his own legs. Pressing over them, gently entwined, Carrot pulled Marron down until he lay on top of him, still pulled close. Still pressing close with the dagger.
"And... that's what I want to do too, so... let's not commit lover's suicide..."
Marron couldn't help but blush as he felt a hot, pressing kiss against his neck... definitely not the kind of kiss one should receive from their brother... Carrot's teeth against his skin, the feeling of his brother biting there, sucking hard enough to leave a mark... Marron was distracted enough to only barely hear Carrot when he next spoke.
"... instead..."
The blade pressed closer to Marron's chin...
"... let's commit brother's suicide... let's die, and... let's die together..."
The blade pressed just a little too hard to be comfortable, and that was when Marron broke away from his brother's hold. Everything else... talking in terms of lovers, talking so strangely like that... all of that, Marron could take. Anything his brother did, he could accept... but when it came to that... he didn't want to hurt his brother, he didn't like to disagree with his brother, but... he couldn't let himself be killed, not like that! He'd already died once, this was his chance to live again, his only chance. He doubted he'd get another.
Marron squirmed out of Carrot's hold, shifting away from him, sitting across from him on the bed. His heart pounded in his head, his breathing was heavy... he just stared at Carrot, disbelieving. His hand went to his neck, he brought his hand out, saw a slight smudge of dark blood on his hand... that'd been too close. His hand went to his neck again, this time casting another one of his healing spells. A cut on the neck was much too dangerous to keep, especially one that'd been made with such a sharp blade...
Carrot just stared back, his breathing also heavy. He didn't smile, but there seemed to be some strange kind of amusement in his eyes... this disturbed Marron almost as much as Carrot's previous actions had done. What kind of person found that funny? Had Carrot gone mad?
Marron wasn't too far away from believing that that was in fact true.
"Niisan... I've already died once, I have no desire to go through that once more. Even with you by my side, I refuse. If I'm with you, I want it to be in life, and in celebration of life. Not in death. I want to stay with you forever, and when I die, I want to die by your side... but not like this, not now! Niisan... niisan, I... I think there's something wrong with you, perhaps..."
"Oh yeah, there's something wrong, alright."
Marron frowned, "Niisan?"
Carrot shrugged, "I said that, for Gateau, I'd live, even if it killed me. If I have to die before I can live, then so be it. For my brother, I said I wouldn't become Hakaishin. I don't want to become Hakaishin, I never want to become Hakaishin. For my brother, I said that. And that's the problem."
"... Niisan, what?"
"I said that for my brother. You are not my brother."
Marron's eyes widened in shock, "Nii- niisan!?"
Carrot pointed the blade in Marron's direction, repeating himself, with emphasis.
"You, are not my brother."
Marron made as if to argue, "Niisan, what are you saying? Niisan... niisan-!", but was prevented by Carrot throwing himself at him, pinning him down once more. The blade was upon him, cutting, but not deeply. Not against his skin; it cut against his robe. Carrot seemed to grow tired of that, and pulled the robe apart with his hands. Marron cried out in surprise, and the ripping of fabric was audible.
Carrot's eyes were piercing, "You're not my brother. You look like him, you act like him, you sound like him... you're really really similar to him, but you are not him."
Carrot's hands were on Marron's chest now. Marron felt at a loss; what did Carrot mean? What else was he, who else was he? Who else could he be? He could only ever be Carrot's brother, nothing he felt he could do could change that... but Carrot suddenly seemed to think that... he wasn't...
Feeling hopeless, the wavering tone had crept into Marron's voice once more.
"Niisan... what do you mean...?"
"My brother died. I felt his body in my arms, I saw his body there, I felt it, I saw it... I saw him die, and I couldn't do anything... my brother's body was impaled by Sacher, I saw it, I saw it... and you're so similar to him, but... you can't be him..."
"Niisan... it's true that that happened, but... I am myself, I can only ever be myself-!"
Carrot pressed one finger against Marron's chest, shaking his head. He pulled Marron up, slipping the robe from his shoulders. Marron felt Carrot's hand against his back.
"The way I saw it, the spike came in around here..."
The hand moved around to Marron's chest, dropping down to his upper stomach.
"... and came out around here. So... there should at least be some kind of mark, like, a scar or something, right? It'd only make sense... after Sacher chased me into the underground... I didn't see his body again. I don't know what happened to it, but... Sacher's fallen kingdom disappeared. I can only imagine my brother's body went with it. Along with Tira, Chocolat, Gateau... maybe to wherever Sacher went... maybe you're not really the people I knew, maybe you're all puppets, made by Sacher to trick me! Or... or maybe you're just ghosts, and I'm just imagining touching you right now... I... I can't live with ghosts!"
Carrot's voice sounded more desperate. Marron looked up, feeling sad and sympathetic. He stroked Carrot's hand with his cheek, trying to sound soothing.
"Niisan... so you thought to become a ghost to live with the ghosts? You... you don't have to do that. Do we understand how Big Mama brought us back? Do we understand how we live in the very first place, from the moment we're born? I... I can't say that we do, I can't say I do, at least. As for us coming back... perhaps we do have different bodies, but... we are still ourselves... though I can't say which part of us makes us us, I... I can only say that I love you, niisan..."
Carrot's piercing look faltered.
"... Marron..."
"I love you, we all love you. Our connection to you is what brought us back, and now we can only be thankful to be back together again... so please, let's not cause them any more pain... they died in pain originally, and perhaps there'll always be the burden that they - that we - died for you, but... closer than that... the memory that we came back for you... we couldn't leave you alone, niisan."
Carrot's look fell into one of tears.
"... Even if we are ghosts... we can still touch, and we can still feel... can't you feel my warmth against yours, niisan? If I'm truly not Marron, or not your brother, or a ghost, or whatever it is you think I might be, I..."
Marron dropped into silence for a few moments, holding Carrot closely once more; this time, Carrot let himself be held, and the dagger fell to the carpeted floor.
"... I... if I'm not anybody I used to be, and I have to be somebody new... let me at least be somebody who loves you... somebody who wants to protect you, and comfort you, and care for you... if I have to be a spirit, I'd rather be more than a mere ghost... perhaps it's presumptuous of me to say, but... I'd rather be, perhaps, a guardian of some kind. A guardian spirit, always watching over you..."
Carrot looked up through his tears, "... Like an angel?"
Marron blushed lightly, and faltered for a moment. He glanced to the side, then smiled at Carrot, feeling tears also.
"... If that's how you want to see me, then... yes, alright."
A moment where they just remained held together, Carrot with his eyes closed, his head leant against Marron's chest. He sighed deeply.
"You're beautiful enough to be one, anyway..."
"Ni-niisan..."
"Well... it's true. Even when you were dead, and even when you were on that spike... even though you'd used up your life protecting me... you were still beautiful, you know?"
"Niisan..."
Carrot shifted, "Well... it's true... oh, but Marron... it's still painful, it still hurts... it won't go away... every day, it's a nice day, and it makes me happy... but then... it's like a cloud, it just smothers me, and I can't help but wonder if tomorrow is the day where it all goes bad, if Sacher's gonna turn up, or... or if I'm gonna wake up, and I'm back there again, and this was all a dream, and you never actually came back at all..."
Carrot fell back onto Marron, crying again. Marron sighed, going back to whispering the words of comfort, stroking Carrot's hair, stroking his back, doing his best to comfort him...
"Niisan... try to reverse that..."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... try and look on it so that... what happened with Sacher, that was all the dream. That was the nightmare, and us being here... this is the reality... because it is the reality..."
Marron felt Carrot nod against his chest, "I... I'll try..."
"I'm glad, niisan... and I'll support you... the others will also..."
Carrot looked up, shaking his head.
"N-no..."
"Niisan?"
"I.. I don't want the others to know... what happened. I don't want them to know about this... I don't want them to know that, uh, I, I was trying to kill myself... I... I don't want to worry them any... I'd rather they didn't know, 'cause then they'd just act like nothing happened... you're right, I should just remember what happened as a nightmare, but... if they knew I'd tried to kill myself... Tira and Chocolat'd be so worried, it wouldn't help me forget... and I'm sure Gateau'd get pissed off if he knew I'd tried to kill you..."
A pause.
"... oh my god, I tried to..."
Carrot was silenced by the realization of what he'd done, or what he'd almost done. He looked up at Marron, his eyes wide, meeting only Marron's calm eyes. This seemed to induce heavy tears, all of a sudden.
"I- I tried to kill you! Marron... Marron, how can you sit there so easily like that? I could have killed you... then you'd have died again, and... I... I don't want you to die, I only don't want to be apart from you... and the thoughts of things that could happen scare me so bad, 'cause I don't want you to die, and I don't want the others to die, and I don't want to die, but sometimes it seems like that's all I can see, that's the only way out, the only way to escape..."
Marron guided Carrot's head back to his chest. Carrot held on to part of Marron's robe, letting it soak up his tears. He caught sight of his wrists, bloodstained as they were... he cried louder, feeling wrong, feeling trapped... but Marron's arms still held him tightly, and Marron was still so calm...
"Niisan, I know it seems terrible now... but it's not been too long since it happened... some people never get over the deaths over their loved ones, and no matter what happened afterward, you still had that happen, so suddenly and so brutally... and I know it's easy to imagine that you might not have got a second chance... earlier on, I was thinking so deeply... why us? Why did we get to be brought back? Many innocent people out there don't get that, and it's only by luck that we did... and I know it's uncomfortable to pin your entire existence on luck, but... that's what we have to do. And we have to keep with our life, and live out this luck as much as we can, alright? Not panic because we might die. Anybody could die, anything could happen."
Marron paused for a moment, "What was it that Gateau said..."
"Gateau?"
Marron nodded, "Yes... the night after we came back, I ended up getting... a little fraught, myself. I ended up talking with Gateau about how I'd ended up in a dimension with no brother... and how it scared me to think that there could be so many dimensions out there, where I don't have a brother... but he managed to calm me, by saying that I'm in one of the ones where I do have a brother, and while that's bad for those who don't have a brother, I should just consider myself lucky that I do... but there was something else he said..."
Carrot watched Marron as he continued thinking.
"It was something like... if we always worried about what might have happened, or what might happen, we might get so scared that we'd never leave our bedrooms... and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? I suppose what he meant was... living in itself is a risk, but... it's one we take, because the benefits outweigh the risks... and the happiness we get from living... sadness is tragic, but anybody can be happy, can't they? I know you're feeling bad at the moment, but... surely you're at least happy that we're together, niisan?"
"I'm not unhappy 'cause we're together, I'm just so scared we're gonna get thrown apart again..."
"I know, I know... if it helps... I won't leave your side, at least until you want me to. I don't want to leave you alone, niisan... I don't want to risk anything happening... so I'll stay by your side until you want me to leave it... alright?"
Carrot just clung to Marron more tightly, "I don't want you to ever ever leave my side..."
Marron's smile softened, "Then... alright, niisan. I won't leave your side. If I indeed comfort you that much."
"You do, Marron. You do. Just stay by my side and make sure I don't do anything stupid again, alright?"
"Niisan, I'm not sure about that..."
Carrot couldn't help but smile and knock at Marron's shoulder, "Hey, you know what I mean!"
"I do, niisan. I do. I'm only teasing you. Though..."
"Though what?"
"No, I mean... it's nothing related to that. I just wondered... perhaps we should have a bath, or at least wash ourselves... and change the sheets on the bed... you, I and it still seem to be covered with blood... niisan... I'm glad I found you in time. I don't know what I'd have done if I hadn't. It was so lucky I managed to... you see, again, that's something I'm pinning on luck... but sometimes, that's all you can do, don't you think?"
Carrot reluctantly pulled himself away from Marron, "Y-yeah..."
He sat on the side of the bed, then pushed himself laboriously up into a standing position. Marron watched him sympathetically, "Are you sure you're alright, niisan?"
"I want to be alright... and you helped me, Marron... so... as long as you're around, I'll be alright..."
Marron stood up alongside him and guided him to the bathroom, "If you're sure..."
Carrot nodded, "I'm sure."
It seemed dark in the bathroom when they walked in; Carrot pushed the door closed, and the only light visible was that around the door, from the other side where the oil lamp was still lit. Marron looked up, though he couldn't see anything.
"Niisan, I can't see anything..."
"I know, but... I'd rather keep it dark, just for a little while... I don't want to have to look at the blood... can you work the bath fine like that?"
The sound of the bath running, Marron's voice audible above it. "... Yes, niisan."
The window in the room meant that the room wasn't quite so dark as it'd first seemed... it was enough for outlines to be visible. Carrot leant against the door, watching Marron's outline. Water ran into the bathtub, Carrot heard Marron mixing the water around in it. He watched Marron's outline carefully, then approached it. Gently, he pulled Marron's robe away from his skin, tugging both the top and the trousers to the floor. Marron stood up, surprised.
"Ni-niisan?"
"You shouldn't take a bath with your clothes on..."
"I wasn't planning to..."
"Oh."
Silence again while they waited for the bath to fill. Marron stepped away from his clothes, looking around to where Carrot's voice had come from, wondering if Carrot was alright after all... the daggers were still in the other room, both were now naked, Marron didn't think that Carrot had brought the daggers through to kill them both while they were in the bath... he hoped Carrot'd be alright now, though. He'd always wanted to protect his brother, but now... now, he'd have to do so more... well, he usually never stopped. This time, it would just be closer to Carrot. He didn't mind that.
Eventually, the bath was full; Marron dipped his hand to it, testing the depth and the temperature. He nodded, more to himself than to Carrot, "You can get in now, niisan. I'll wait until you're finished, but... I'll stay here, if you want me to."
"No, I... I'd rather take the bath... with you..."
"Niisan?"
"I don't want what happened to leave this room... it can be our secret. Can't we wash it away from each other?"
A pause, "... Alright, niisan."
"You get in first..."
Marron did so, sitting against the back of the bath, his feet pressing against the side of the bath with the taps... once in, Carrot moved over, "You in?"
"Yes, niisan..."
Carrot lowered himself into the back, sitting to lean against Marron's chest, his legs running alongside Marron's own in the warm water. He closed his eyes, feeling Marron's skin next to his own, able to feel Marron's hair near to his skin... the warmth of the water was hypnotic, and Marron so near to him, so comfortable... Carrot felt that he might just be able to fall asleep in the bath. He was sure Marron wouldn't argue if he did.
"Marron... hold me?"
Wordlessly, Marron complied. They sat there for a few moments, before Carrot spoke again.
"... Heh... I can't imagine we're getting too clean just sitting here like this... I dunno where the soap is, though."
"I don't either, niisan... I can find it, if you'd like..."
"No, I like it like this, it doesn't matter if we don't wash just yet. I just wanna sit here like this for a while, it's nice. Bathing and being with you and it all being warm and such. Um... Marron?"
"Yes, niisan?"
"I... I'm sorry."
Marron's hug was tighter for a moment, "It's alright, niisan."
"No, I mean... I'm really sorry... I musta really scared you there, I mean... I know how you always get about me, and stuff... and then you had to find me like that... I don't know... well, I know why I did it, but I shouldn'ta... I just got... I got too overtaken... I guess... but, um... I'm glad you found me in time..."
"... I am too, niisan."
"You saved me... heh, you're always saving me. But... I'm glad you did this time. 'Cause if you hadn't, we wouldn't be here like this at the moment, and... I like being here like this. It's nice... I don't mind if we don't get clean, really."
"Might not the others question us in the morning, though?"
"... Yeah... okay, I guess we better find the soap. Or a light. Or both..."
"Ah, niisan... wait, I know what..."
"Hm?"
Carrot felt Marron shift a little behind him, and turned his head to question him, even though he could barely see anything. He heard Marron's chant, "En vren tú rumi nós se réirú..."
"Oh, wow!"
The two were suddenly partially illuminated by the small ball of light Marron held between his hands. Carrot's eyes seemed to light up; Marron felt calmed to see that excitement, he smiled warmly. He carefully guided the light upward, to a point above the two of them, in the middle of the bath.
"... Is that light enough, niisan?"
"That's really cool, how come you've never done that before?"
"It was a spell I was practising tonight... I just happened to remember it, I thought it might be useful..."
Carrot nodded, "Yeah..."
The two of them stared up at the orb for a few moments. Carrot then looked to Marron, looking at him for a few moments before Marron realised his stare, and looked back.
"... You really are beautiful, otouto..."
Marron looked down, smiling quietly, "T-thank you, niisan. Though, I think we should find that soap and-"
"Not just yet. Um... I'm sorry if I scared you back there. Not just with the killing myself and all, but... uh, when I was all... yeah... the lovers thing..."
"Don't worry, niisan... you weren't yourself, you probably didn't know what you were saying. As you said, nothing that happened will leave this room... it's forgotten about."
Carrot shifted around a little, "... I don't want to forget about... about that, though... Marron... did it scare you?"
"Niisan? I... I didn't know what to think... for a few moments, I wondered what you were going to do to me..."
"And... what did you think I might do to you?"
Marron looked Carrot in the eye for a moment, then glanced away. "I thought you might... take me... the way you were talking, the way you were acting... I didn't know what to think, but... if it was what you needed... just then... I thought that maybe I should allow it... if it calmed you down..."
Carrot looked surprised, "M-Marron! You mean... I could have done something like that, and you wouldn't have minded-... damn, that... Marron... I'm sorry if it seemed like that... I did go really weird, but... I never meant to do that... or anything..."
"Then that's alright, niisan. It doesn't matter."
Carrot leant over, pressing his hands against the edge of the bath, wrapping his arms around Marron's neck, pulling the two close. Marron shifted to prevent Carrot slipping, but couldn't help but notice how close to him his brother was... the light illuminated them so slightly, and the light seemed warm in the room, warm and dreamlike... Carrot seemed to have some kind of purpose in his eyes... he seemed hesitant.
"... Marron, I... I don't want to take advantage of you, or make it seem like I don't appreciate you... in the past, I... I might not have been a good brother, always taking off in the middle of missions, or badmouthing you to make me seem better in the eyes of the girls we met or anything... anything I ever did that might have made you feel bad, or anything... I'm sorry..."
Marron's mind went back to previous missions, the kinds that Carrot meant. Like when they'd fought the Gamuru, and Carrot'd said he was clumsy and stupid and didn't like girls, or whatever it was that he'd said... or when they'd been fighting Koh, and Carrot had said that Marron was embarrassing...
Marron's mind went to another mission. The mission for the Rouge Camera, the kinju that showed a perfect future... and his perfect future...
Suddenly so close to Carrot like that, in the bath, with Carrot being like that... Marron's only wish was to ensure his brother's happiness. That, and added to that, to ensure that his brother had a future to be happy in... but he couldn't help but smile, "I... I accept your apology, niisan... but..."
"But?"
"But... why are you so close to me...? I understand there's not too much room in the bath, but..."
Carrot's eyes narrowed, looking up at Marron meaningfully, "I... I think you know why."
Marron leant back just a little, his head leaning against the back edge of the bath. He looked up at Carrot, hoping he wasn't mistaken.
"... Show me, niisan."
Nothing more was said; Carrot indeed showed Marron what he meant. Marron was glad; indeed, he hadn't been mistaken. A forbidden relationship... such condemned love... that didn't matter, not to them. Carrot wanted to be comfortable with Marron, he wanted Marron to protect him, to hold him, to embrace him, to comfort him... and, even in the bath, surely that was also a comforting embrace?
And of course, nothing that happened would leave the room. Everything that happened, good and bad... it'd be their secret. And as long as Carrot never mentioned anything to the others, Marron was prepared not to also. Whatever his brother wanted, whatever his brother needed, he'd grant. It'd been love that'd brought them back together... and if his brother wanted him to be a guardian angel, he was willing to fulfil that position. Anything, for Carrot's sake.
Though, a bath taken for the purpose of washing would have to wait. Maybe come the morning.
~End~
October 30th 2003