Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Thoughts in the Bath ❯ Chapter 1
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Tabi 
Marron muses on recent events between he and Carrot. Such a thing that could make or break a relationship... should it be worried on or cherished?
Actually one of the posts from my old Sorcerer Hunters RP journal, but I liked it enough to upload it.
Anime/Manga: Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 319 | Status: Completed
Marron muses on recent events between he and Carrot. Such a thing that could make or break a relationship... should it be worried on or cherished?
Actually one of the posts from my old Sorcerer Hunters RP journal, but I liked it enough to upload it.
Anime/Manga: Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction | Genre(s): | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.5K | Visits: 319 | Status: Completed
I just took a bath with my brother... I can't help but smile at that thought, surely we're past the age where we might do such things... still, it was what he requested, so... I like to spend time with my brother, even if it's in such a simple way. People might boast of all the exciting things they might do together, but I'm sure there's nothing they can do that's quite like being able to spend a quiet hour or so with my brother... I mean, it was only keeping him company while he bathed... then joining him when he asked me to, staying in there with him to scrub his back... I think he enjoyed it also.
And though it might be against my best interests, I wish to record it... this... doesn't need to be read. I just... want some record of it somewhere... niisan, you were there, you... you know what happened... I just wish to keep my feelings as they are now somewhere, so I might look at them one day in the future with nostalgia... I'm not sure what I feel. I just need to write what's in my mind before it leaves...
**
My brother and I ended up talking... not about anything much in particular, just easy conversation... he was quite quiet, actually. Introspective. He apologized for some of the things he'd done more recently, but I told him they didn't matter. It's true, they don't, not to me. He really wanted to apologize, though... like the day not long ago, where him and I accidentally 'kissed'... I just smiled while washing him, saying that that couldn't really be counted as a kiss, more as an accidental meeting of lips... he smiled, like I did... his smile seemed sad, though. "I suppose 'real' kissing is something you'd do with Gateau, huh?"...
I wasn't quite sure what to say to that... we were both quiet.
Eventually I told him that even niisan had kissed people in the past, so it wasn't as if either of us had never experienced such things... he supposed that was true, but... that was when he trailed off. I prompted him, then he just went on to talk about how it was suddenly so hot in the bathroom... I agreed, it was quite.
He turned around, then. Such little space there...! I just looked at him, surprised, questioning... he seemed nervous. Nervous and hesitant, but his eyes... there was just something in them I hadn't seen before... suddenly... something deeper... and I didn't know what he was going to do, his body seemed suddenly to fit against mine (he felt so warm) and his arms were tight around my neck and shoulders (his fingers were almost clinging to me) and his head was pressed against mine (I could feel him breathing against me)... then he spoke, and his voice was low... saying about how he never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable, and if he ever did, he was sorry... and if I wanted to blame anybody then I could blame him for being so screwed up, and blame the atmosphere of the bathroom for dulling his senses (steam rose from the water, and we were both so relaxed from bathing, the vague massages we gave each other...) and that I should just slap him if I was really so uncomfortable... but there was something he had to do...
He kissed me.
Not just a peck on the cheek, or an 'accidental meeting of the lips'... that kiss was purposeful... deep... heated... passionate... from my brother...!... That can't... I mean, he... he's my brother, I know there are the things he says, but... honestly... I can't be the person he'd want, I'm male, I'm his brother, it's wrong, it's disgusting, it... it... it felt so strange to have him kiss me like that... not just nervous, but... wanting... and I gave in, and wanted him back.
My brother...!
Just thinking about it makes my heart pound... my brother... a numb feeling in my stomach... no... lower than that... my... my brother... my brother... Carrot...
How long we kissed, I can't be sure of... almost as if we didn't dare separate, unsure of what might come afterwards, what we might do, what we might say... ah, but what we might do... I'm sure that thrilled us, also. I can barely remember, my memories come from as if in a dream...
A noise from outside seemed to startle him, eventually. Perhaps somebody walking past outside, I'm not sure... he froze suddenly, then pulled back quickly... he almost slipped in the bath, but I caught him. And he looked at me, so scared... I was still drunk on the feeling, looking up at him as he'd done to me, and... I... I didn't want him to deny what'd happened, I didn't want him to retract it as something he'd done by mistake... I was selfish... I let go of him, I let him fall purposely, knowing he'd fall on me. Moving in the water, moving so that I covered him, moving so that he couldn't escape... that time I was the one who kissed him, and I trapped him like that... and he moaned, and I was worried... he didn't want me to stop.
Such delirious pleasure we found in each other! So forbidden and sinful and wrong, but... the knowledge of just how wrong it was... somehow that seemed to fuel the excitement...
We perhaps realised our shared arousal at the same time... he suddenly pulled back, confused and scared once more... I whispered his name... he shifted from under me to stand up, to stand outside of the bath... I just sat there as I watched him towel himself, suddenly feeling unsure... he didn't look at me, he just said that we couldn't do things like that, not when it'd hurt so many people, not while we were suddenly overtaken by the atmosphere... he said he didn't want to scare me. I said I wasn't scared, I still felt the excitement deep within me and I was too light-minded to be scared... he said he didn't want to do anything I might regret. I told him that I couldn't regret anything I did with him... he left the room at that point, telling me not to say things like that. I'm not sure where he went after that. I assume he got dressed and perhaps went to the town, I looked all over Eden and couldn't find him, though perhaps I kept missing him... I feel so confused. Those things that we did... just remembering them makes me feel warm, makes me want to return to that world of steam and water and him and I and nothing else... but my brother is so confused these days. Confused, depressive, angsty... I can't help but worry if I've set him further along that path, with the confusion and... the regret, of our actions?
I hope I didn't upset him. It makes me uneasy to think that I upset him, but somehow... perhaps this is selfish, but somehow I can't be upset, knowing what happened... remembering it... I want to take this time as it is now and treasure it, just for the moment. When I next see my brother, perhaps I won't know what to say, but... for the time being, I... I can dream...
And though it might be against my best interests, I wish to record it... this... doesn't need to be read. I just... want some record of it somewhere... niisan, you were there, you... you know what happened... I just wish to keep my feelings as they are now somewhere, so I might look at them one day in the future with nostalgia... I'm not sure what I feel. I just need to write what's in my mind before it leaves...
**
My brother and I ended up talking... not about anything much in particular, just easy conversation... he was quite quiet, actually. Introspective. He apologized for some of the things he'd done more recently, but I told him they didn't matter. It's true, they don't, not to me. He really wanted to apologize, though... like the day not long ago, where him and I accidentally 'kissed'... I just smiled while washing him, saying that that couldn't really be counted as a kiss, more as an accidental meeting of lips... he smiled, like I did... his smile seemed sad, though. "I suppose 'real' kissing is something you'd do with Gateau, huh?"...
I wasn't quite sure what to say to that... we were both quiet.
Eventually I told him that even niisan had kissed people in the past, so it wasn't as if either of us had never experienced such things... he supposed that was true, but... that was when he trailed off. I prompted him, then he just went on to talk about how it was suddenly so hot in the bathroom... I agreed, it was quite.
He turned around, then. Such little space there...! I just looked at him, surprised, questioning... he seemed nervous. Nervous and hesitant, but his eyes... there was just something in them I hadn't seen before... suddenly... something deeper... and I didn't know what he was going to do, his body seemed suddenly to fit against mine (he felt so warm) and his arms were tight around my neck and shoulders (his fingers were almost clinging to me) and his head was pressed against mine (I could feel him breathing against me)... then he spoke, and his voice was low... saying about how he never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable, and if he ever did, he was sorry... and if I wanted to blame anybody then I could blame him for being so screwed up, and blame the atmosphere of the bathroom for dulling his senses (steam rose from the water, and we were both so relaxed from bathing, the vague massages we gave each other...) and that I should just slap him if I was really so uncomfortable... but there was something he had to do...
He kissed me.
Not just a peck on the cheek, or an 'accidental meeting of the lips'... that kiss was purposeful... deep... heated... passionate... from my brother...!... That can't... I mean, he... he's my brother, I know there are the things he says, but... honestly... I can't be the person he'd want, I'm male, I'm his brother, it's wrong, it's disgusting, it... it... it felt so strange to have him kiss me like that... not just nervous, but... wanting... and I gave in, and wanted him back.
My brother...!
Just thinking about it makes my heart pound... my brother... a numb feeling in my stomach... no... lower than that... my... my brother... my brother... Carrot...
How long we kissed, I can't be sure of... almost as if we didn't dare separate, unsure of what might come afterwards, what we might do, what we might say... ah, but what we might do... I'm sure that thrilled us, also. I can barely remember, my memories come from as if in a dream...
A noise from outside seemed to startle him, eventually. Perhaps somebody walking past outside, I'm not sure... he froze suddenly, then pulled back quickly... he almost slipped in the bath, but I caught him. And he looked at me, so scared... I was still drunk on the feeling, looking up at him as he'd done to me, and... I... I didn't want him to deny what'd happened, I didn't want him to retract it as something he'd done by mistake... I was selfish... I let go of him, I let him fall purposely, knowing he'd fall on me. Moving in the water, moving so that I covered him, moving so that he couldn't escape... that time I was the one who kissed him, and I trapped him like that... and he moaned, and I was worried... he didn't want me to stop.
Such delirious pleasure we found in each other! So forbidden and sinful and wrong, but... the knowledge of just how wrong it was... somehow that seemed to fuel the excitement...
We perhaps realised our shared arousal at the same time... he suddenly pulled back, confused and scared once more... I whispered his name... he shifted from under me to stand up, to stand outside of the bath... I just sat there as I watched him towel himself, suddenly feeling unsure... he didn't look at me, he just said that we couldn't do things like that, not when it'd hurt so many people, not while we were suddenly overtaken by the atmosphere... he said he didn't want to scare me. I said I wasn't scared, I still felt the excitement deep within me and I was too light-minded to be scared... he said he didn't want to do anything I might regret. I told him that I couldn't regret anything I did with him... he left the room at that point, telling me not to say things like that. I'm not sure where he went after that. I assume he got dressed and perhaps went to the town, I looked all over Eden and couldn't find him, though perhaps I kept missing him... I feel so confused. Those things that we did... just remembering them makes me feel warm, makes me want to return to that world of steam and water and him and I and nothing else... but my brother is so confused these days. Confused, depressive, angsty... I can't help but worry if I've set him further along that path, with the confusion and... the regret, of our actions?
I hope I didn't upset him. It makes me uneasy to think that I upset him, but somehow... perhaps this is selfish, but somehow I can't be upset, knowing what happened... remembering it... I want to take this time as it is now and treasure it, just for the moment. When I next see my brother, perhaps I won't know what to say, but... for the time being, I... I can dream...