Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Wanderer ❯ Chapter 1

~Wanderer~

 

 

 

It barely ever rains in this part of the world, but even so, the sunlight seems that bit sweeter for being close to home. Perhaps I don't come here as often as I should, but it's my own choice. If I chose to visit more frequently then it might hinder my outward travels, and... well, coming back after time away is it's own reward.

 

I say 'here', but it's really there. A little ahead of me. Just over this plain. I can already see it, part of it, and already I can feel a kind of feeling that I only feel when I'm there. When I'm here.

 

The Spooner Continent. The centre of the Famille Empire, the capital city of Façade.

 

Thinking of the name makes me smile, because it seems such a long-winded title for a place that can be just as accurately described as 'home'...

 

Façade, as I approach it, is busy. Even from the outskirts I can tell that there's some kind of activity going on... nothing special, just the usual routines of day to day life. I suppose it must be a market day or something similar. Whatever it is, it's the usual. It's the same. It's Façade, it's the capital, it's... it's home, and even though no-one seems to notice me as I arrive, I can't fight the growing excitement within me. Several months since I've been here, three or four at least... perhaps it doesn't seem so long when recalling it, but it feels like it's been a long time. Going from here to there to there then there again is something I enjoy, but I also love going from here to there to there to here back again.

 

Wandering deeper into Façade, I look around. Busy people, laughing children who run around amongst people's legs... market stalls, people selling things, people buying things... the atmosphere feels so light around here. Everybody seems happy, somehow... even though I can't see all of them, even though I'm not paying attention to each person individually, there's just something about them all, about it all... nothing changes, not really. It's been months since I was here last, and it was like this then, just as it is now. And even the things that do change, I can bring myself to accept after a while.

 

I wonder how long it's been since that largest change... at least three or four years, I reckon. Everything changed back then. It changed and then remained the same ever since.

 

I wonder if anyone might recognize me here... it's a crowded, bustling city now, crowded, bustling and happy, and I'm not here anymore. I come but I never stay. Might anyone recognize me, should anyone recognize me? Amongst such hustle and bustle, perhaps not. Even so, there are some people that I want to see, some people that I want to recognize, be recognized by...

 

I sigh with a light smile, tucking hair behind my ears. Some hair just won't tie back, I've grown used to that now. The people I want to see are probably in their own houses going about their own business... I've never made a habit of announcing my arrivals (or my departures either, but that's a different matter altogether), but I never seem to arrive at a bad time.

 

The sun seems so bright in the sky above; somewhere like this... it seems almost impossible that somewhere such as this could be capable of bad times. I don't doubt that it's had it's fair share, but even so, no-one seems unhappy here.

 

My thoughts drift to those of the ones I left behind; since that time which seems so long ago, since the ordeal with Hakaishin... since then, they've all been happy. I've been happy too, I'm not saying I've not been happy, but sometimes it's hard to come to terms with such feelings. One might almost notice how much they've changed; my brother and the others were always somewhat carefree, but now that the threat of Sorcerers has vanished from the world and Sorcerer Hunting is an occupation of the past, I feel they are literally so. And if they are, I'm happy for them. No worry seems to enter their lives... I observe from outside, so I wouldn't know if perhaps there was a worry that I didn't know about, but... generally, their lives are happy, and I'm happy for them.

 

On my own, I'm happy. It's a happiness that perhaps they wouldn't understand, but it's still a happiness. I had my reasons for not staying in Façade, but I don't feel that they would understand my reasons. Fortunately they seemed content with my decision and didn't question me; my brother settled down with his wife, the others seemed to sort themselves out, and I went before I noticed much more.

 

My robes still have ofuda in the pockets. Just because Sorcerers are gone doesn't mean that evil is gone; evil can, after all, live in anyone, not just somebody with a mark on their forehead and the ability to use magic. Magic is gone, but magic is magic is magic, and some curses and transformations and abilities still exist, but in greatly reduced forms.

 

The recent encounter with Galman and his curse proved this, in any case. Someone who still had the power to summon beasts to attack and to curse others, even if not directly through magic, then at least through some power. I still have the power to attack if needs be, but needs rarely be, and the powers go by unused. Sometimes when it's a quiet night in the forests, I might attack a rock wall or aim at a waterfall; I would never forget the power which I wield, but it might fade in my mind as the years progress. Never do the words catch in my throat, never do I hesitate to finish a spell, but perhaps one day they might, or I might.

 

Maybe I should have no need for magic, but it's something I carry with me despite myself, and if I have it, then I might as well put it to good use, what little good use is left for magic in this day and age.

 

Actually, I barely use those powers these days. The encounter with Galman was the first time in a long time, and that both pleases and worries me. It pleases me because such an occasion is so rare, but worries me because... such an occasion is so rare. It's not that I want the Spooner Continent to be plagued with evil once more, but sometimes I yearn for the past, I linger in dreams of memories of days gone by, and I do miss the days when I was a Sorcerer Hunter, when we were inseparable, when the only importance was punishing those who'd bring oppression to the Parsoners, when the only importance was surviving in battle, when the only importance was protecting my brother.

 

And these days, I barely see him.

 

There's always something I feel when I think of that fact... it's ironic, and I usually only think of that fact when my thoughts drift into melancholy. It's strange to think of such a mood in such a happy place... it's hard to believe, sometimes, that anyone on the Spooner Continent could be unhappy anymore. I'm not specifically unhappy, but sometimes I'm not specifically happy either. Even though he's not around anymore, or I'm not around to be with him, my thoughts are usually spurred on by thoughts of him. My brother. Niisan. I haven't seen you for so long, and I want to see you...

 

Well, I saw him when we fought Galman, and... it's fair to say that he's changed. A lot. It's delicate to think about and I suppose his sudden change in lifestyle might mean that he had it coming to him, but I still blink and wonder if that's what four years can do to a person.

 

All of a sudden, I'm disturbed from my thoughts, trapped by a strong, muscular pair of arms... my instinctive reaction is 'get an ofuda and protect yourself', but the hold is too tight around for me to even reach for one, my arms pinned tightly to my sides, and... I wouldn't want to attack anyway; the voice is one that I happily recognize and therefore allow myself a slightly indulgent smile to hear.

 

The voice is also quite loud, "MARRON!! IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!!"

 

I laugh softly as I extract myself from Gateau's arms. Just as Façade doesn't change, he doesn't change either. Gateau is still Gateau.

 

Taking a step back, I just look at him as he does me. He can't stop smiling, the happiness seems to want to almost burst from his face, and... the happiness in his eyes is worth the going away and coming back for. After all, they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And abstinence turns Gateau Mocha into a horny maniac, but that's different entirely.

 

He's clad in uncomplicated clothing, I think 'typically Parsoner' before I can stop myself; Parsoner, Sorcerer, there's no distinction nowadays. And besides, clothing, I think, is probably not something that Gateau counts highly amongst his list of priorities, due to his penchant for spending not a large amount of time in it. Apart from his other penchant, that for thongs, but... well, that's just how Gateau is. I wear robes, Gateau wears thongs, that's that. Maybe he's shopping at the moment, though... as free and easy as Façade is these days, someone such as Gateau wandering around in only a thong could be seen as, well, a public disturbance? The men might certainly be disturbed, not only by their own personal feeling, but also by the inevitable disturbance caused in the female population of the surrounding area...

 

Still, that's a generalization. Gateau liked women just as much as he liked men, more or less... as for now, well, he raises up that clan of Macho Girls in his Super Mocha Club with Eclair, but I don't mean that. There are those girls, but then there's the one man in Gateau's life... unless I'm missing something, of course. Hopefully I'm not. His happiness seems to tell me that I'm not.

 

After a few moments of careful study... he seems to relax, content that yes it IS me, content that I'm not some figment of his imagination. He turns around and extends his elbow, offering it to me to take. I smile and accept it, "Maybe we could go somewhere quieter..."

 

He smirks down at me, "And what might you be suggesting, Mr Glacé?"

 

I prod his elbow with a finger of the hand that isn't currently entwined, "Only what I know you don't stop thinking about, Mr Mocha."

 

I smirk back, then let my smirk turn into a softer smile.

 

"Maybe later, Gateau. For now, I want to catch up on what I've missed..."

 

He turns to face me, taking both of my hands in his, "Yeah, we got some catching up to do..."

 

Gateau still sounds suggestive. I roll my eyes in mock annoyance, but I don't mind, he knows I don't mind, and when I don't stop him when he kisses me, not caring who might see us... I don't care either.

 

His kiss is warm, a kind of touch I haven't felt for what seems like so long... I suppose that maybe it has been so long. Too long? However long it's been, his feelings don't appear to have changed. It warms and comforts me to know that. One thing that never changes, and I don't want it to change.

 

After a short while he pulls back, I make a slight noise of disapproval, he just smiles at me.

 

"So... missed me?" He folds his arms, sitting down on the edge of the nearby fountain we seem to have arrived at.

 

He couldn't be what I wanted him to be and I couldn't stay, but... yes, I suppose I did. I did miss him.

 

I just smile quietly, saying nothing, revealing nothing, just sitting next to him on the fountain.

 

"So how... have things been here?"

 

Gateau shrugs, "Not any different. Me and Eclair still have the Macho Girls training up, ya know how it is, it certainly keeps us occupied."

 

I nod politely, he sounds a little resigned when he next speaks, "... but I guess you didn't mean me..."

 

I blush, looking up at him in slight denial.

 

"N-no, I want to hear how you've been..."

 

"You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't to see him, Marron."

 

He smiles, a little sadder now.

 

"I missed you... you're hardly ever around these days, but I still think about you, ya know? I'm not trying to be depressive or anything, but I think about you every day..."

 

He glances wistfully off into the crowd, "I know nothing short of Carrot commanding 'Stay!' will make you stay... but I miss you when you're gone, Marron..."

 

There was a silence after he said that. I thought that maybe he had something more to say and so allowed him that chance, but he didn't say anything, and I couldn't think of anything to say either. I know he misses me. I know he wants me to stay. He knows I can't stay, but he can't know why... hopefully he's like my brother and the others; he just accepts what is without question...

 

Well, it's not as if I don't tell them why I go; staying in Façade just makes me restless, I love to see them all but I couldn't live there, not permanently. I don't think so, anyway. At first, when my brother married Tira, I just stayed in the house with him and Tira and Chocolat... Chocolat eventually opened her hotel with Dota, somehow ended up with Carrot's children (I'm not that naive, I just wonder how Tira agreed to something like that... I found it best to keep out of my brother's affairs when it came to that aspect), and... I don't know. Suddenly, Chocolat was away working a lot - she didn't actually have her children until after I decided to leave, but I have seen them, and they're certainly adorable. Shiyu has my brother's eyes. No, but... once Chocolat was suddenly absent for a lot of the time, it became just me and Carrot and Tira, and I hate to think it, but it did become quite uncomfortable. Chocolat was happy enough to indulge herself in her work, but I had no work to indulge myself in, and found myself milling around the house while the newlyweds enjoyed their status as such. Some days, they never seemed to stop... I want to know why Chocolat has the children and Tira doesn't, that makes no sense to me, but... there could be any amount of reasons, and I suppose it'd be impolite to pry. Perhaps Tira can't. Maybe she's using some kind of Gaia... thing. I don't know. I don't really want to.

 

That made me restless, and also... just suddenly having nothing to do made me restless. We had our days of leisure when we were Sorcerer Hunters, days without missions, sometimes weeks without missions... but there was always, always the promise of something new on the horizon, Sorcerers were Sorcerers and there was always someone in the world being oppressive or evil or depraved in some shape or form, and it was our job to chase after them and punish them... so we did, and it was our way of life for most of our lives. We grew up with tales of Sorcerer Hunting from mother and father, we grew up with visits from Milphey-Yu, though at the time we didn't know of his connection to Big Mama... it was always with us, and then we became Sorcerer Hunters, and suddenly, as well as being with us, it was suddenly part of us, and it was a binding destiny we couldn't escape from...

 

We're after that destiny now. This is some kind of after-fate time, and I couldn't stay in Façade anymore. Not just because of my brother and Tira, they didn't help, but it wasn't only them. The forests seemed to call me, somehow... after years of complaining about the constant travel through the forests of the Spooner Continent, the realization that we might never do that again dawned on me, and somehow, I... I don't know, I just needed to go. I thought I'd go and just see what I'd find, visit places we'd been to before, visit people we knew from the past, and see how their present and future was... in the end, I found that there was still evil on the Spooner Continent, albeit hidden... it's hidden, but it's there. And it's enough for me to take on on my own; I'm capable, and I'm willing.

 

I turn to look at Gateau, he seems suddenly quiet, unsure of what to say, lost in thought.

 

He was the only one who didn't really want me to go. Carrot accepted that I wanted to leave, Tira asked me if I was sure but didn't protest when I said I was... Chocolat was happy for me now that I had some kind of plan of what I wanted to do worked out... they were all happy for me in their various ways, but Gateau had to make it difficult. Not that I resent him for how he reacted, but... he found out I was going to leave, then that night was, well... it was somewhat emotionally fraught. I recall it so vividly... I was wondering what to take with me on my travels, and came to the conclusion that I barely needed anything at all, only myself and a few choice items... then he appeared and told me that I couldn't leave, he loved me, he didn't want me to go.

 

He loved me. I couldn't believe him at first, but he spoke with such conviction... he went on to explain his feelings, nervous and harried as he seemed; he didn't know how long he'd loved me for, apparently. He just knew that somehow he loved me and that he'd always planned on saying something, but he'd never been sure of when that time would be or what he'd really say, and it just so happened that the time would have to be now, but he still didn't know what to say... I listened to him, I wanted to be sympathetic, but he didn't want my sympathy. I couldn't be uncaring because after the extent of what he said, I cared. I certainly knew about how he'd acted with me for the past... oh, six years, was it? Around that. His constant flirting was always something I was generally indifferent to, but he'd strangely enough been a master at hiding what he really felt, and so I truly didn't realise he loved me until he told me. I thought he just liked flashing his body around at me as he did everybody, but... he loved me. The ripping his clothes off and running around yelling at people to look at him was one thing, but I was another thing, apparently. I was special. I was the person he loved.

 

He took me that night. Somehow the conversation spiralled from this to that, and a certain look went to a kiss went to a touch went further, and suddenly I didn't mind being subjected to his naked body or his command to look at him... of course, this was different. This wasn't Gateau Mocha ripping off his clothes in front of and for the questionable but hopeful gratification of me and countless other people who might have been around, this was just me and him, alone. He was naked, and for once, I was naked alongside him, the only pair of eyes there to see. He didn't shout or yell at me to look at him, he just held my hand and asked me gently, softly... he didn't demand that I look at him, he asked me to. He seemed scared that I'd say no. I looked at him though, I really looked... and that night, we belonged to each other.

 

I still left in the morning, though. Despite that, I couldn't stay.

 

In the morning, he'd been sad when I told him I was still leaving. I felt guilty for that, but... I'd made up my mind. I was leaving Façade, and I wouldn't have to worry too much about my brother and Tira anymore. They would become physically distant to me, and perhaps I could forget about the present and perhaps live in the past a little with my travels. Gateau couldn't understand any of that so I didn't tell him. I didn't tell him I was in love with my brother, either. The events with Hakaishin washed over me like some unhappy dream, it was the end of an era, and there was a sudden dull realization that I couldn't tell my brother how I felt and have him respond in kind, that there wouldn't be a time where I'd tell him and he'd realise that he felt the same... by the time I realized that, it was too late, and my brother was inexplicably in whatever passes for love in that mind of his. Or at least, that was how it was. They seem genuinely happy, and I love to see them so happy... deeper down, I suppose I worried I was being a bother, staying around while they just wanted to shake the house to the ground with their bed banging against the walls...

 

Once that morning came, I knew I couldn't stay. More than the feelings I was going take with me... more than that, there were suddenly new feelings to contend with. It'd occurred to me, when my brother married Tira... it crossed out the eventuality of us being each other's first time, and the thought numbed me. Someone else has had the person I was sure I loved before me, and... a lesser person might hate Tira for that, but she isn't somebody I can hate.

 

And overall, my brother's happiness is the most important thing. Carrot is... happy with Tira. I can't argue with that.

 

That realization was probably part of what enabled myself to give myself to Gateau that night. In the morning, I worried... part of me had almost expected that Carrot would be the one who... I would be with first, and I never really entertained the possibility of anyone else... not even Gateau, I suppose. But suddenly, Carrot didn't care that I secretly wanted him to be my first, that I wanted to be his first, and so his first was therefore with Tira. Even if my brother did realise my feelings now, there would still always be Tira. She loves him, he loves her, they have each other. Chocolat also loves him, and I think he loves her too, even if not in the same way as he loves Tira; but also, Gateau loved me. I love niisan, but he has Tira. If niisan loved me, then... I would have Gateau.

 

That sounds so spiteful, though. 'Niisan slept with someone who isn't me, so I'm going to sleep with somebody who isn't niisan!'... it didn't seem like that... it isn't like that. Gateau is someone else I love, even if differently to niisan, I still love Gateau. It was a slower kind of love, but my feelings for niisan certainly simmered for long enough, as they still simmer even now... Gateau told me he loved me that night, then I left. My thoughts were confused as I travelled. I knew that I loved niisan as I know it now, and that was a constant. But suddenly there were feelings of Gateau to contend with too... how deep his feelings had really been, and then there was all the inevitable remembrance of that night that we'd spent together... the forests seemed so suddenly lonely during those fractious, oppressive nights, when the heat of the forest combined with the heat in my mind, and I craved the touch of another so badly... I only had my own touch with me, though.

 

Being alone was lonely at times and liberating at others. Eventually I got used to it, I think it was after the first time I returned to Façade. I went there, met with Gateau, realised I'd missed him, he realised he'd missed me, but he was happy I'd come back. I said I was going again, and so I went a few days afterward, but something changed that time. My sojourns into the forests became more than just 'I want to get away from Façade', it was as if... as if the whole Spooner Continent was suddenly my own private playground; I could go anywhere and do anything, and Façade would always be there waiting for me, wouldn't it?

 

Then I met this one young boy who appeared to have run away from home. I talked to him kindly enough, and it was soon apparent that something wasn't quite right; I persuaded him to show me where he'd come from, and he showed me the mansion where he lived, owned by two former Sorcerers. The boy told me about how his parents encouraged him bringing friends home, but the friends would always be taken away and never seen again... it eventually turned out that the owners of the mansion had been trying to resurrect an ancient power by collecting children to sacrifice... it was brutal, and the lives lost cannot be saved, but... it was brutal and exhilarating at the same time. Suddenly there was danger and battle again, and I realised, yes, this was what I wanted to do. And so I did it.

 

I realise that maybe I should say something to Gateau, but I can't think of anything that hasn't been said many times in the past... I just sigh.

 

"I... know you miss me, Gateau. I'm back now, though... can't you just be happy that I'm back?"

 

"Oh, and for how long? A couple of days max, I bet. Then you'll dash off without even telling me, and I'll suddenly wake up on my own... it always happens like that, Marron. Can't you just stay a little longer this time? You're perfectly welcome to stay with me..."

 

Gateau puts his hand to my cheek, his fingers seeming to brush against my skin...

 

"... you know I'm not going to say yes, Gateau."

 

"Not even for a few days longer? A week? No-one's telling you you can only stay for a short while, are they?"... there's an accusing tone in Gateau's voice as he speaks next, "No-one else is waiting for you, are they?"

 

I shift my head away from his hand, "I'm surprised you'd even suggest such a thing, Gateau."

 

He realises my gesture and drops his hand away.

 

"... Sorry. I'm sorry. You're here again after so long and I'm pissing you off already. It's just... you go anywhere, do anything, you could be with anyone... with anyone... doing anything... I'm probably just being paranoid. If you say there's no-one else, then I believe you."

 

"And for you... there's also no-one else?"

 

Gateau breaks out in a wide enthusiastic smile, slinging his arm around my shoulders.

 

"Hah, Marron gets jealous! Nah, there's no-one else. Come on, after I've been with you, why would I want anybody else? No-one else is as beautiful as you, after all."

 

His enthusiasm fades into kindly sincerity, "I said I loved you and I mean it. If I had to choose between you and the world, I'd still choose you, okay?"

 

I sigh, his small smile is just begging 'believe me! believe me!'. I nod, "I know, I believe you. So you're still the same, then? I trust you've been well?"

 

Gateau nods, "Yeah, nothing's changed around here, you've been around and about enough to know how that is. I've been okay... I got some kind of stomach bug a coupla weeks ago but I guess you don't wanna hear about that... oh yeah, a while ago, that chick you used to know was in town, she was seeing Carrot and Tira about something..."

 

"Someone I used to know?"

 

"Yeah. Chick. Black hair. Butterfly thing in her hair. Kinda pretty."

 

Mention of butterflies reminds me, "Oh... Shicho."

 

He nods, "Something like that. Dunno what she wanted, though."

 

"I caught up with them soon after that... it was another case of someone wanting to revive a forbidden power, some people don't change. Those people... have been taken care of."

 

Gateau nods, "I see, cool, cool."

 

He doesn't ask anything more about the mission, and I'd rather not tell him. Some things are best left consigned to memory, and the memory of my brother in the closest thing to his demon form I'd seen him since the battle with Hakaishin, in front of me, Chocolat and Shicho, with Tira, not... caring that we were even there, just watching... Tira didn't seem to care either, I never knew she was quite like that, and... well, yes. Best left consigned to my memory. Even though I'd rather it wasn't there either.

 

Gateau stands up, I just watch him for a few moments. He smiles down at me.

 

"So, uh, wanna go somewhere? Come back to my place? Maybe you're hungry, you've just been travelling around, so... if you wanna eat something I'm sure I can fix something up. Yeah... what do you say?"

 

There's no reason why not to, so I take him up on his offer.

 

As we walk to his house, we go deeper into Façade, and I can see the spire of Eden much closer now. Eden... the place where we used to live, the place where Big Mama and her Haz Knights used to be... they could be anywhere, now. I suspect that perhaps Dota knows where Big Mama went, but she barely talks about those days now, happier to live her life day by day with Sirius by her side... if that's how she wants to live then I don't blame her. She lived her whole life with Big Mama, then suddenly, she was gone...

 

That's not to say that Eden is uninhabited now. Mount St Hordic was destroyed during the battle with Hakaishin, and while I don't doubt that the town is being rebuilt, some people chose to stay in Façade, my father and mother being two such people.

 

That has to be the best thing that came out of the battle with Hakaishin. I don't know how it happened, and I don't really care; my mother is back amongst us, and... it's worth more than anything to me, I almost can't believe it... but it's true. My mother has returned, and now... she's a mother to the people, because she has become the new Big Mama. My mother, Apricot Glacé, Big Mama!

 

... Some things I don't think I'll ever get used to, but that's not to say that I'm unhappy that they happened. It makes father so happy that she's back too, and it seemed to relax a small part of me deep inside once I knew that she was back. I was so young when she died, and I didn't even realise she'd died until I was older, yet... well, I don't know. She's back now, and that's all that counts.

 

Perhaps I'll stop off there later, she's somebody else that I miss when I'm away from Façade, but that thought hasn't occurred to Gateau, he's happily leading me along to his house. His and Eclair's house, anyway.

 

"I wonder if Eclair's in? Probably not, she's probably doing stuff with the other girls. Still, if she is in, I should get her to cook for us. She's been trying cooking out recently, she's getting pretty good at it, you know? She makes some mean soups, anyway... what do you feel like eating? Anything in particular? If there's anything special you want I can try and get it for you..."

 

"Oh, I'll just have what there is, Gateau. I don't mind."

 

Gateau smirks, "Oh, hey, come on. You don't come back that often, why not make something a bit special? You coming back and all, it's a special event, isn't it?"

 

"Well... if you want to make something special, then... I won't stop you..."

 

An enthusiastic nod, Gateau shuts the front door behind me as I step inside, and rushes off into the kitchen. I hear his call from through there, "Sit down, make yourself comfortable! You've been walking around for ages, right?"

 

I slip my shoes off and walk through into the front room, sitting down on the sofa in there. Same old house. Gateau's humming a happy tune and I can hear various cooking-related sounds from the kitchen, chopping, the sharp clashing of metal... same old Gateau. Same house, same Gateau, same Façade...

 

I want to see him.

 

I want to see my brother.

 

Gateau's head pops around the wall, "You still don't like alcohol, right?"

 

"That's right."

 

"Okay, I won't put any of that in, then... wouldn't want you passing out on me or anything..."

 

Memories from the past occur and make me smile before they make me stare at the table in the middle of the room, suddenly caught out by my thoughts. No, I never could handle alcohol. That time when we were children, Chocolat and Carrot had managed to 'acquire' some of father's alcohol... we didn't really know what it was, just that he had it our during suppertimes every now and then, and he certainly seemed happier after drinking it, if not a little odd. Sometimes he made no sense whatsoever after he'd been drinking, and asking mother why he was acting so strangely usually just elicited an "Oh, he's just in one of his moods..." from her.

 

Eventually we made the connection between this and that, and Carrot was determined to try some. So we hid in the garden behind some trees; Tira and I weren't too sure, it looked strange and smelt stranger, but Carrot and Chocolat just urged us to live a little.

 

Carrot had been unsure; "Tastes kinda strange... maybe it gets better if you have more of it?"... Chocolat had had more because Carrot had more, Tira wouldn't touch it because it smelt funny, I seem to remember her bursting into tears when Carrot had persuaded me into it; maybe she felt left out, but I don't remember much after that, because soon afterwards, I suppose I must have just blanked out. Next thing I remember was waking up in bed, and then Carrot coming up in a mood... Tira had panicked when I'd passed out and ran to tell mother and father; they'd found out about us spiriting away some of father's alcohol, and hadn't been too pleased about it. Carrot wasn't too happy with me for passing out or with Tira for tattling on the little escapade, but it wasn't as if I chose to pass out, or anything... other similar events have made me wonder if it's perhaps an allergic reaction, but if it was that then I think the consequences would be much stronger than merely passing out. I suppose it's as my brother says, I just can't hold my drink... that said, in my opinion most of it tastes vile anyway, I wouldn't really want to be able to stand it even if I could, but I can't, and that's an end of the matter. I don't really mind. As relaxed or hyper the others get when drunk, I much prefer remaining sober. After all, you don't end up doing things you normally wouldn't and forgetting all about them in the morning when you're sober. And when you're sober, you can watch the others as they indulge in their amusing drunken escapades, and laugh good-naturedly when they do silly things, and smile serenely when they remember nothing of what they did, come the morning.

 

... Things they would never do if they were sober...

 

My thoughts drift to one festival several years ago. I don't remember what the festival was for, perhaps a new year's celebration or something similar... as usual, the others were drunk, some passed out, some running around insanely, yelling and shouting... niisan had just been sitting next to me, swaying back and forth for no particular reason. Then he turned to me, and I just regarded him with calm disapproval; he was obviously drunk, probably not too far off passing out himself... but he just went from his swaying to a sudden hug, catching me off-guard; I fell, looking up at him, "Niisan!?"... he just smiled, looking strangely... seductive, almost... despite his altered mindstate, still seductive, so desirable... his eyes were dulled through intoxication but it was almost as if there was something else there, something that blazed... I was curious and I was nervous.

 

"Marron... yer beautiful..." he said. I just nodded hesitatingly at him, "Th-thank you, niisan... but... why..."... I wanted to ask him why he'd said that, why he was hugging me, but then he just said "Kish me" and I couldn't say anything at all... I couldn't say anything or do anything and I don't even know why he did it, other than that he was drunk... I suppose it was just because of that, being drunk makes people do strange, strange things. But even though he was drunk, he was still warm, and he was still him, Carrot, my brother, the person I loved then and still love now...

 

After a few minutes of that, Chocolat had rushed over with a shriek of "DARLING!?", Tira had appeared from somewhere, and Carrot had been subjected to another brutal whipping.

 

Nobody mentioned that little event come the morning.

 

I remember it so vividly, though... I suppose the others don't remember, but I still remember how my heart beat, how I trembled as his hands brushed against my body... oh, such faraway hopeless dreams. But he still kissed me, and I felt lightheaded for quite some time even after the Misu sisters had whipped him into a drunken coma. Perhaps it was the alcohol on my brother's breath, perhaps it was something else. It was something else. It was him. He kissed me. Without warning, he kissed me... might he only have kissed me? Even if only because he was drunk... might he have gone further?

 

I feel warm in a way I feel I shouldn't as I rest my elbows on my knees and still stare at the table. Such memories! Such memories... such dreams... such fantasies...

 

Gateau walks into the room, clapping his hands and rubbing them together with a wide grin as he sits on the chair opposite me. I look up, blushing despite myself; he disturbed me from my thoughts, is it too evident what I was thinking about? I look up almost guiltily, feeling like the child caught with their hand in the biscuit tin; even in Gateau's house, I think about my brother... and Gateau never made me tremble like Carrot did. Gateau made me feel... many things during the times we spent together, but never quite that tremble, that feeling of wanting to give myself so completely to somebody... Gateau took me but he doesn't have me; my thoughts still reside at my brother's side.

 

He motions in the kitchen's direction, "It'll take a little while."

 

I nod, "I see..."

 

"So! How's Spooner while we're all still sitting around in Façade? Much evil around these days?"

 

The conversation's become pedestrian. I can fall back into it and relax, and forget the thoughts of Carrot that I shouldn't be thinking about... I try to sound light-hearted as I speak.

 

"... Oh, here and there, here and there. Old habits die hard, as they say... some former Sorcerers just can't cope with the idea that they don't have magic anymore. Some still rule with fear and terror, despite not being able to use magic..."

 

"You've always been a one-man apocalypse! I guess people like that aren't around to tell the tale anymore, huh?"

 

"A one man...?"

 

Gateau folds his arms, "Oh, come on. 'I WON'T FORGIVE THE ONE WHO HURTS MY NIISAN!!!'... that usually put paid to any Sorcerer who'd come our way..."

 

"I-I know, but... apocalypse?"

 

"You slaughtered anything that came in Carrot's direction! I'd say apocalypse, even if only to the Sorcerers who you killed... heh, always for Carrot. But hey, it got the job done. Those brotherly ties of yours gotta be strong, though... I mean, jeez, some pretty bad things happened to all of us, but it was only him who you reacted like that for!"

 

He speaks with amusement, he smiles, but I don't feel amused. Don't talk about him, Gateau. You'll only make me think about him more and remember that he can't be mine.

 

I just stare intently at the table until I notice Gateau trying to catch my eyeline.

 

"Hey, Marron? You okay? You're quiet..."

 

I attempt a smile but it feels weak on my lips, "And how's that different from usual?"

 

A sigh, "I know that look."

 

"Gateau?"

 

"That's the I-miss-my-niisan look. You don't... you don't have to stay here, I guess... if you wanna go see him right now, don't feel you gotta stay here if it's makin' you sad or anything."

 

"Gateau..." The smell of whatever it is Gateau's cooking drifts through from the kitchen, it reminds me. "You're cooking..."

 

"So you'll stay and eat and then go?" A smirk, "So you're using me for my culinary skills?"

 

I glare quickly at Gateau, "Gateau, it's not that and you know it."

 

"You're using me for the mad sex, then?"

 

If I could reach him to hit him then I would, just lightly, in warning. I can't though, so I just make my tone of voice as stern as I can make it.

 

"Gateau, I'm not using you at all, don't even suggest something like that!"

 

His hands are in a defensive position, "Okay, okay, I was only joking around!"

 

"Don't joke about things like that."

 

"Okay, I won't... oh, hey, smells like that cooking's ready. Hold on, I'll go check on it."

 

I nod and he leaves the room.

 

Using him... is there anything I could use him for? More than anything, I suppose I'm deceiving him, but... he can't know that. He can't know that, I won't tell him, and while he seems to be able to tell that I still care deeply for my brother, he can't guess just how much... no-one would suspect, I suppose. Why would they? Such an unusual thing... the unusual love I harbour for my brother... the unnatural lust... forbidden, wrong... I'm alone in the room again, alone with my thoughts which I allow to drift for a little.

 

Even now, I still feel like this. I suppose I thought that the feelings would eventually fall away, pass it off as teenage infatuation and rise above it, I'd grow out of it... my thoughts seem to have had an inverse effect on my emotions, though. The more I'd like to say that my feelings were just that of a teenage crush or something similar... for me to even be feeling like this, they have to be more... we're not teenagers anymore. My brother is married. He's married, he has children, he's got a life of his own, and despite my determination to search for evil on the Spooner Continent... that doesn't deter the fact that I'm still on my own most nights. It's through choice, I don't have to be alone. I could be with Gateau if I wanted. But it's not him I want. It's my brother. My niisan. Carrot. Innocent feelings through childhood that deepened into uncertain nervous feelings through my teenage years that levelled out and took hold as obsession until now. Even now.

 

I clench one fist. Why? Why is it only you I think of, Carrot? We're adults now. We should be above this. I should be above this. Everybody always said it, that I was always the mature level-headed one, so sensible, so wise... yes, and I'm the one who dreams of his brother fucking him into an incoherent lust-dependent stupor, bestial passion turning us into nothing but mere animals, but still animals that exist for each other...

 

That icy jealous claw stabs at and surrounds my heart. It's not fair. You were taken from me. It wasn't fair, why was it her you chose? I can't hate her, but... she can't love you like I love you... nobody can love you like I love you, niisan... if only you'd let me show you, then you'd see... nobody else can love you as much or as deeply as I love you... not now, not ever... only me, and I can only love you... niisan... niisan...

 

Gateau walks back in, smiling brightly, somehow balancing food and drinks in his arms and hands. I look up with heartbeats that seem to shake my chest; somehow I... I almost feel tearful?

 

Stupid, I'm back in Façade now; thoughts like that don't belong here; thoughts like that belong to the lonely silent forests where there's no-one to hear my cries and no-one to care. Gateau's surely bound to notice something, feeling such as I do then he's got to notice something, and what do I tell him?

 

Incapable of lying though I am, I at least try to hide what I'm feeling. That's not exactly lying, is it? Just... clouding the truth somewhat.

 

Gateau places my plate down in front of me; it's a kind of stir-fry, it'd seem. It certainly smells delicious. If he taught Eclair to cook then we've got nothing to worry about. I try to smile.

 

"It smells delicious, Gateau..."

 

He flips a forkhandle at me, "Eat it, then!"

 

I accept the fork and quietly eat.

 

Gateau does the same, and it's quiet in the room for a few moments as we occupy ourselves. He eventually smiles widely, "Gotta say, I'm pretty proud with how that came out! Pretty good, huh?"

 

I nod, "Yes, it is good. Thank you, Gateau."

 

"Huh? Oh, hey, it's nothing. Glad ya enjoy it. Hey, being out in the forests all the time, you can't have that many opportunities to eat well... what do you eat? Are you eating okay?"

 

He's suddenly concerned...

 

"It's alright, Gateau. You don't need to worry... those who can tend to reward me finely for my efforts in eradicating the evil around them, especially so since the fall of the Sorcerers. Some people just seem to think that, since there are no Sorcerers, there won't be evil... that sadly isn't the case. Between that and meeting the people we used to know, I don't go hungry. Besides, from being a Sorcerer Hunter, we all learnt to be resourceful..."

 

A nod, "Yeah, I guess I've kinda lost that, being in Façade for so long. I don't exactly have to fight for my survival or anything, anyway. Well, as long as you're sure, I don't want ya wastin' away on me! You're beautiful as you are."

 

I nod back, "I'm sure. You know me, Gateau; my appetite isn't large."

 

"Heh, unlike that brother of yours."

 

I freeze slightly, mental barriers rising.

 

"... Mmm..."

 

Gateau laughs heartily, "They always say that the way to a guy's heart is through his stomach... with Carrot I thought it woulda been lower down than that, but hey, if Tira's willing to cook for him then he's willing to eat it. All of it. I wouldn't like to see how much her weekly groceries come to! I mean, jeez, Carrot's certainly an expert at putting it away, wheew! He should come along to Eclair's workout classes, trim him down a bit. It's not like he can have a beautiful body like me, but hey, he could at least try. Still, Tira loves him, I guess that's the most important thing."

 

"Mm..."

 

A moment of silence. I look up from the table, "And... have you seen my brother recently?"

 

Gateau shakes his head, "Nah, not for a while. Don't really tend to see him much anymore, or Tira... kinda weird, we live close by but we don't really see each other... just knowing we're close together is enough, I guess. I think Eclair sees Tira and Chocolat more, they tend to hang out together, ya know, girl stuff. Those three and Dota do shopping sprees every now and then. Scary stuff. Even scarier is when I end up babysitting for those kids of Chocolat's... god forbid I ever have kids! Can't keep up with them, not when they're high on Eclair's home baking."

 

"When they're...?"

 

"I'm pretty sure she shouldn't pack that much sugar in. I swear, they're literally trying to run up the walls when they're at their worst. Then they want Uncle Gateau to pick them up and swing them around, then they want piggyback rides, then they want to see me twitch my muscles, then they bet each other that they're just as strong as I am, then they wanna see who's the strongest out of the two of them, and they end up fighting, then I've gotta explain to Chocolat and the others why the place looks like a bomb's hit it once they get back... sheesh. Sweet kids, but occasionally they could do with being strangled, you know? Just a little."

 

I nod, knowing the feeling.

 

"I haven't seen them for a while, but... how old are they now? I remember when I last saw them, they kept calling me Auntie Marron and pulling my hair."

 

Gateau just laughs, "Uncle Gateau and Auntie Marron, huh? Heh, it could work. So you don't want kids, then?"

 

What kind of question is that?

 

"Gateau, I couldn't have children even if I wanted them, not personally."

 

"Well, you're beautiful, I'm sure there's a million women out there who'd oblige you if you wanted that sort of thing. I mean, look at yer brother and the Misu sisters! How come Chocolat ended up with the kids?"

 

"I'm not sure. I didn't like to ask."

 

"Yeah, I guess it's best to keep out of that kinda thing, I guess. I think I'll just be happy enough to watch when Eclair has kids, not sure if I'd ever be ready for kids of my own... still, I dunno, with the right person..."

 

Gateau catches my steady glare, "Kidding, kidding! You're my favourite person, doesn't matter that we can't have kids, it's better like that, right?"

 

I nod vaguely.

 

My brother has children... it's almost strange to think. Children... do I want children? I don't know. Father, at least, has mentioned it (or forced it into the conversation) at many points. He knows about my relationship with Gateau (everybody does, it seems), but even so, he wants to know when I'll find a nice girl and decide to settle down with her. If I try and argue and say that I love Gateau (which is easier to argue than 'I'm in love with my brother but Gateau loves me and I suppose I love him somehow so we're in a relationship but secretly I can't stop thinking about my brother') then he says that he accepts that, but even so, that can't really be a permanent thing, can it? Eventually I'll get married, won't I?

 

My thoughts concerning my brother are much too complicated for me to even consider such a thing. I love my brother, and then there's Gateau, who I also love, in a different way. Between my brother and Gateau, I don't think there's room in my heart or mind for anyone else, not least for marriage, which is considered to be more or less permanent... if I married, my heart would still belong to my brother and I don't think Gateau's feelings would change so suddenly, so that'd be lying to whoever I married and hurting Gateau at the same time, as well as making myself more distant from my brother, placing another barrier between us... it'd hurt too many people, it wouldn't be fair. Father expects me to marry eventually. Will I? Not that I can see. Maybe, but... I don't know, I couldn't predict the circumstance. I'm not planning on walking down the aisle anytime soon.

 

I look at Gateau, he smiles warmly at me, placing his fork down on the table. He's finished, I've almost finished. I occupy myself with that as I think.

 

Gateau's twenty-eight, I'm twenty-six. We seem so old, suddenly... to me, at least. I remember times in the past as if they were yesterday, and it isn't until I think about it that I realise that such times in the past were eight, nine years ago... but Gateau seems so concrete in his feelings! He loves me, that's the main thing to him. Marriage, children... he doesn't seem to worry about any of that, because he loves me. Me, I suppose I'm just even more confused because of what I feel for Carrot, and marriage and children isn't any part of that, it could never be. Gateau doesn't want that, he just wants me, and as far as he's concerned, he has me... he doesn't know the feelings I carry around with me. More than anything else I still want Carrot, even if just my memory of Carrot and not as he is now... I don't know. My feelings are so confused. Even after so long... it seems as if time hasn't healed any of my wounds.

 

I've finished; Gateau takes my plate, "Do you fancy pudding or anything? I'm sure I could rustle something up if you wanted it..."

 

"I'm fine, Gateau. That was delicious."

 

"You sure you don't want anything else?"

 

I nod, "I'm sure."

 

He leaves the room again, I hear the sound of him washing up in the kitchen. My hands are clasped together... why do I feel so suddenly uneasy? It seems as if, whenever I'm alone, my thoughts and feelings multiply uncontrollably... even when Gateau's in front of me, they do the same. But when I'm alone... I close my eyes and stand up, quietly walking through to the kitchen.

 

I don't say anything, but Gateau must have heard me, because as soon as I stand at the doorframe, he looks over his shoulder at me.

 

"Yo! You change your mind about pudding?"

 

"No, it's not that... I just... felt like..."

 

Felt like being near someone. Felt like not being alone. Felt like being with someone who cares.

 

"... Felt like...?"

 

"I just wanted to be near you..."

 

My voice is quiet, but... I suppose that's essentially what I was feeling. Gateau stops in his washing up, shaking soapy water from his fingers and quickly drying them on a towel that hangs on a nearby rail before quickly walking over and taking me into his sudden embrace.

 

My eyes widen, I was caught off-guard by that, but... his arms are strong around me, and I at least feel safe. I suppose he's trying to comfort me, but can I even allow myself to be comforted? The comforting I need... it's not a comforting that he can give.

 

Even so, his hug is warm, and despite the fact that we don't speak for a good while, it's not uncomfortable. I lean against his upper chest, his head leaning against my own... he rubs my back, again, trying to comfort me.

 

"... I guess even you get lonely, huh?"

 

"Gateau..."

 

I feel his sigh against me.

 

"Earlier... I meant it when I said I think about you every day. I mean... I barely see Carrot and that lot anymore... of course I see Eclair every day, and there's the girls and the bodybuilding, but that's not- that's not the same, y'know? Façade's full of people, loads of people, none of which are the person I wanna be with... I guess I get by and manage to keep myself occupied, but damn, it's hard, y'know? You... you at least get to hunt down evil and fight the bad guys and go on adventures... it's peaceful in Façade but it's boring, Marron! 'Specially when it's late at night and all I can think about is you. It's not just boring, it's lonely too... all those people but none of them are you 'cause you're off somewhere else... don't you... ever get that? Going all over the place and everything, don't you get lonely?"

 

Most nights, Gateau. I miss my brother. I miss your touch. I miss the touches that came from you that I pretend are my brother's. Yes, it gets lonely for me. He's right, though... the nights can be cold and lonely but most days are occupied with more immediate mundane things... here in this city, how can there be variety?

 

How I love my brother, I suppose, Gateau must love me. He has more than I have, he at least has me in a certain way, but... as much as my love is my burden, I suppose his must be too. I'm barely ever around, but I'm the person he loves... he never knows when I'm going to be around, or when I'm going to be gone... as much as my love is my torture, that must be a kind of torture also. At least I definitely know that, when I'm not in or near Façade, I'm not going to see my brother, or Gateau. I'm in control of where I go, and, to a degree, who I interact with. Gateau just... sits back and lets the world go by, I suppose. If I happen to turn up, like I did today, then bonus to him, but as soon as I arrive, I'll be gone...

 

We just stand in that embrace for a good while before either of us speaks again.

 

"... Marron... don't you get lonely...?"

 

"... So much, Gateau... more than you can imagine..."

 

His hold is that bit tighter, "Then stay. No-one's telling you you've gotta go out and kill all the bad guys. It's not like it's a mission anymore... we don't have to be lonely if we've got each other, right?"

 

Gateau... I miss you, but so much more than that, I miss my brother... but I can't tell you that. It'd be much too brutal, and you... you can't understand my feelings.

 

"Ga... teau..."

 

He nestles his head against mine, "Don't you wanna stay, or something? I mean... well, yeah... as I said, it can get boring and everything but at least it's a safe kind of boredom, and if we were together we wouldn't have to get bored, would we? I- I mean... well, you know what I mean. When it gets dangerous out there, don't you...?"

 

"Don't I what?"

 

"... I said it before and I'll say it again, nothing can destroy your beauty... but a sad beauty is the most tragic, are you really happy like that? Going out and getting the bad guys sure, but... on your own... isn't that just so sad?"

 

I pull away from Gateau's arms, reaching back and tugging my hair tightly back into it's tie. Strands fall in front of my eyes, I tuck them back behind my ears... I just watch him closely. Closely, sadly.

 

"I couldn't stay in Façade, Gateau. You know that. It makes me restless if nothing else, I... I can't stay in one place while I know that, out there, in the world..."

 

"Marron, you don't have to get all self-righteous. Okay, so there's evil out there. There's always gonna be evil out there... be a bit selfish, do something 'cause you wanna do it, okay?"

 

I step back a little, standing back by the door.

 

"I want to do it, though..."

 

"You say that all the time. I love you, though... I guess that's not enough for ya. I always wonder about you, though! I wonder where you are, what you're doing, whether you're hurt... jeez, I can't even protect you. Don't like to think about people hurting you, Marron. What if you... what if something happened to you? You come and go like the wind, if something did happen to you, how would I even know about it? You don't tell anyone when you're coming to Façade, you leave without telling anyone... do you even tell anyone out there where you come from? Does anybody else really know anything about you?"

 

Gateau's leaning with his back against the sink now, his elbows leaning against it's edges. I just watch him carefully, wondering what it is he's trying to say... I don't know. I can't work it out.

 

"Gateau, what are you trying to say?"

 

He just looks down, sighing.

 

"I'm... I... I don't know. I guess it's just... I miss you when you're gone, I wish you were around more often. That's basically it, I guess. We're older now and everything, but you're still... you're still the person I fell in love with, Marron! Whenever I see you I feel lucky just to have known you, to know you and all, but... that's just not that often! When I see you in my mind, it's different... I know you, but you're not around, and it's just loneliness like nothing else... I mean, jeez, back when we were Sorcerer Hunters it hurt that you were always around and I couldn't say anything to you, but at least you were around..."

 

I can't stay, Gateau.

 

No matter what you say, I can't stay.

 

Not only because of my brother. Somewhere like Façade is peaceful, is calm... but the shroud of the forests is more calming to me. It's a matter of personal preference, and I couldn't prefer Façade over my freedom. Such freedom as that is, trapped within my feelings as I am.

 

My look turns to one of sadness; Gateau looks so sad... almost as lonely as the feelings that he talks about. He slowly walks over, I look up at him, "Gateau, I'm... I'm sorry..."

 

He presses me against the wall, thumb and forefinger framing the edge of my face. He looks resigned as he leans forward, "Don't be."

 

There's silence as he kisses me. We remain still for that silence; the tap drips, a new drop of water grows heavier and heavier, and then falls... that happens several times before I feel Gateau press harder against me, his kiss a little stronger, perhaps... more desperate? I let him kiss me, his body warm against mine, his lips warm against mine... somebody's warm touch... it warms me also. So long, alone in the forests...! So long like that, and now...

 

Gateau pulls back, looking serious.

 

"I always miss you when you're gone."

 

His hands are on my shoulders now, pressing firmly against them. I don't try to hold myself up, I trust him to hold me. I glance away, "I know you do."

 

He kisses against my neck, making me look at him.

 

"Do you... miss... me?"

 

As he pulls away, the warmth leaves, making the warmth in my own body seem suddenly stronger... suddenly more desperate, as his kiss had been. Yes, I miss you. I want that warmth again.

 

"... yes..."

 

He makes a slight noise of agreement as he leans forward and kisses me again, and this time I don't just submit against him. He kisses me, I kiss him... his arms around me, his body so close... he's not Carrot, but I can't be like this with my brother. These feelings... I need them... as much as I need the feelings, I need Gateau. He's the only one who can give me those feelings... I want them, I crave them, I need them...

 

Wordlessly, we ascend the stairs. No more words; we know what we want, and what we want doesn't require such communication. Into his room, onto his bed...

 

... no, but isn't this betraying niisan?

 

The thoughts and feelings I have for niisan, the cries I cried for him, the passion I felt... being with Gateau like this... isn't that betraying my brother?

 

I'm knelt on the bed and Gateau stands beside it; it's too late for that.

 

I watch Gateau carefully. I don't deserve this. Or you. You'd hate me if you knew how I really felt. If you knew how much I'd been misleading you. Perhaps I shouldn't indulge in this, I shouldn't let you touch me.

If I can bring him to a quick climax then that'll be giving him what he wants, then he'll sleep, and I can leave to see my brother before Gateau wakes. Then I'll leave again, as I always do.

 

The room's atmosphere feels almost tense as I lean forward, slipping my fingers underneath Gateau's waistband; I go to pull further, but his hand on my head prevents me. He pushes me back up, helping me back up into my kneel.

 

"Hey, hey... you don't have to... hurry things, Marron. We haven't seen each other in so long. Can't we be a bit slower?"

 

"Gateau..." ... but being slower means that there's a longer time before I can see my brother... and you won't let me escape before I cry your name... you don't even know the sneaky game you play, and I'm helpless against it. I can't tell you of my situation.

 

"... I guess you might be horny after being out in the forests for so long and all, but... I wanna be a bit slower, Marron. I wanna be able to treasure the time we have together, okay? I wanna see that delicate blush, the way you hold tightly when you're crying with desperation..."

 

Or because you're not my brother.

 

"... even if I try and stop you you'll be gone tomorrow however much I wanna help it, so... until then, let's just enjoy it a bit..."

 

He leans down and kisses me again before climbing onto the bed alongside me; he smiles softly at me, brushing hair away gently... it falls back into place, but that doesn't matter. He's not the person I want, but... for the time being, I suppose... it's hopeless...

 

I don't want you, Gateau.

 

I need you.

 

He moves slowly and it makes my heart beat faster as he does so. Undoing my robe, button by button... he lets it fall open, he slips it over my shoulders... the soft caress of the material makes me gasp quietly, and the soft caress of his fingers where my robe once was makes me gasp louder. He kisses me, he never stops kissing me. He kisses my lips, then he moves... he holds me tightly, but not uncomfortably... his kiss against my neck makes me moan his name, he's so tender, and his kisses are so light... would my brother kiss me like that? I look at Gateau deeply, my breath that bit quicker... would niisan kiss me like that? I don't know. For the time being, it doesn't matter.

 

I press my fingers against his chest, against his shirt, trying to tell him that I want him to take it off... his kisses render me incapable of speech for those moments, but at least he seems to realise what it is that I want. He pulls back slightly, smiles at me, my hands fall back as he slowly pulls his shirt from his body, letting it fall to the side... he wraps me in his arms, his bare skin against mine... kisses that almost seem to bite... I can feel his fingers trailing through my hair, I can feel that slight pull... I tug my head in the other direction, I hear his soft laugh. Feel another pull at my hair. I kneel there quietly as he kneels to my side, pulling out my hairtie slowly, so slowly... he lets my hair fall against my back, and softly throws the tie onto the bedside. It unravels slowly as it sits there, I just close my eyes and let him look at me, head slightly bowed.

 

My hair is so rarely like this... feeling it over my shoulders, against the back of my neck... I feel Gateau's hands on my hair, I open my eyes and I see how he's arranged it; how I always used to have it, how it always used to be, how it always used to automatically fall... Gateau looks almost wistful as he trails his hand down the length of my hair.

 

"... There's the Marron I fell in love with..."

 

I smile softly, taking hold of his hand.

 

"And I'm not the Marron you fell in love with otherwise?"

 

He sweeps one arm underneath my hair, holding me to him, my back against his chest. I fall slightly, he's pressing his lips to my neck again in such soft kisses... I gasp, he continues, his speech punctuated by his touch.

 

"... Not at all, not at all... but you... only ever seem to... wear it like... like that these... days, Marron... it's still... you, but... like this... it's like some things never happened... and you're the lithe... graceful... beautiful... elegant... wonderful... sexy... sixteen year old I fell in love with... in the first place..."

 

I can't help but laugh softly, pushing at his arm. "Paedophile."

 

He pushes back, "Hey, I didn't even get to touch you until you were like, twenty-something! And now..."

 

Leaning back in his embrace, I let his arms drop down further. For a moment he runs them over my chest, still so soft and slow... Carrot can wait. I don't want to be anywhere other than here. Maybe I will stay for a day or two longer. Two fingers pinch a nipple because he knows it makes me cry out. I do. I hear his warm laugh, I blush.

 

"Heh... we get older but we still don't change, I know what makes you tick. Then again, I guess at least you've changed a little... these shoulders aren't so slender anymore..."

 

"... ah-hh... n-o?"

 

His hands press over the flat of my stomach, his touch making me want to burn... my trousers feel suddenly so restricting. He pushes against my trousers, "What happened to the sash?"

 

"... different robe, Gateau..."

 

I feel his nod, "Oh, okay then. Shame, I always loved to pull that off, so slowwwly..."

 

"G-Gateau..."

 

"You want me to be faster? You want me to hurry up?" He sounds amused. "'Cause I'm not gonna."

 

I pull my legs up as he leans over to push my trousers and undergarments off; they fall from the end of the bed, I'm naked in his arms. Gateau holds me across my shoulders again, "Yep, definitely more broad-shouldered."

 

"Gateau..."

 

His hands go wandering once more, I cry out when I feel his hand suddenly around my burning arousal... touches like that... touches that are not my own... how long I have waited...

 

"But hey, that's 'cause you're a MAN now, isn't it? Mawwon's all gwowed up!"

 

My hands press back, one hand taking hold of Gateau's lower leg.

 

"I don't need the babytalk, Ga-... a-... ah..."

 

Gateau just smirks, sounding so deliciously self-assured, "No... we're both adults now, aren't we?"

 

His touch seems to fall away, I realise I've had my eyes closed. I open them weakly, looking up at him. I meet his piercing blue eyes; he just stares at me.

 

"... Gateau... w-what...?"

 

Against my lower back I can feel his own arousal pressing against me, between me and his trousers which he still wears. I don't need to ask 'what', but I do anyway... I shift slightly against him, he's not the only one capable of teasing. I hear him gasp, I allow myself a slight smirk as I look away... but he tips my head up again.

 

"Marron, look at me."

 

I do.

 

"... God, I... I want you..."

 

His voice is suddenly thick with need and desire... it burns in his eyes and is evident in his voice... in his touch, even in his skin...

 

"And I wanted to take it slow, and all... but... you're just... damn, Marron... how do I stand it when you're not here..."

 

Abruptly, he shifts from behind me, sitting on the edge of the bed, slipping his trousers off quickly. Once they're disposed of, he just sits there for a moment; I kneel behind him, perching my hands on his shoulders.

 

"... if you want me, then... I don't mind if you take me... I want that too, Gateau..."

 

I whisper into his ear and feel his shudder, his tremble.

 

I have that effect on him... that stirring within me... knowing I have that hold over somebody else...

 

Gateau turns around, shifting over on the bed until he's on top of me, his hands over where my shoulders rest, his knees leaning on either side of my upper legs. So close, I can almost feel him... I bite my lip, he cups my cheek in one hand.

 

"You're still so beautiful... nothing, nothing can destroy that... I just feel so lucky that I... that we... that you let me do this kinda thing to you..."

 

"It's not only you, Gateau... it's not just that I let you do what you want... I want you to do what you want... what I want..."

 

His hands brush over me then are gone; "Marron... do you want me to... to take you... now?"

 

I nod, "There's no reason to wait..."

 

We're silent again as I watch him prepare. Cold, slick fingers enter me and make me gasp, make me cry out... I reach for the bedsheets as I feel something different against me... part of him not his fingers... my legs lie motionlessly to either side of him, but as he moves slowly forward, it's as if they're connected, and I wrap them around him, draw him deeper, deeper... with a slight thrust, he's within me totally, his arms are around me, and he's kissing me again.

 

"Ga... Gateau..."

 

His kisses are more urgent now we're in this situation. Seems that being slow went out the window... but I can't argue. I wouldn't want to argue. I shift my arms from beside me, looping them around Gateau's neck, holding on tightly as I let his movements guide me. He moans my name and I gasp his, but his moans soon turn to gasps, I hold myself tightly against him, and his gasps come quicker now.

 

"... Ma... Marron... Ma... Marron...! You're... so beautiful..."

 

I try to smile up at him but the smile turns into another gasp, "I- I know... somebody always tells me that..."

 

Gateau tries to nestle between my arm and my neck, but my arms around his neck make that difficult. I drop one arm, allowing him his kisses, shivering slightly at their effect.

 

"... 'cause it's true..."

 

His arms around me lift me up slightly from the bed, I let myself fall against him... I want to give myself to someone, and if he's the only person I can give myself to, then... then I can't fight it...

 

Shaking fingers wrap around my erection, my legs hold against him that bit tighter as he does so. I fall back onto the bed then arch up against Gateau, the air cooling our sweat-slicked bodies, then warmth shared as skin touches again... I gasp. I cry his name, I hold my breath and let it go with a rush of feeling, I hold his name to my lips then let it escape... he holds me as I arch, one arm swathed against the small of my back, bodies moving together...

 

"... Marron... I can't... I can't hold it back much longer..."

 

I manage to smile this time, "... then don't..."

 

Those final intense moments, I can never remember. We carried on, movements and names cried becoming that bit more urgent, that bit more desperate... it's strange. In such a situation, suddenly... I can't think of my brother. Part of me argues, why don't I imagine that this is him? ... But I couldn't do that, not to Gateau, not to myself, not at this moment. It's Gateau who's doing this to me, and my brother would be so different... Gateau's name is all I can concentrate on, repeating it with desperation as I do. Those movements and cries are eventually rewarded with that intense numbing feeling spreading throughout me, perhaps I screamed his name, I don't remember. As my mind whites out, even remembering who I am, where I am and what I'm doing is something I'm incapable of; my body freezes and my mind alongside it. He's taken me, and I've let myself be taken.

 

When we fall back on the bed, we're exhausted. Breathing takes some time to come naturally, and a gentle push makes Gateau fall to the side.

 

He opens his eyes, "... Shoulda kept you under me, then I woulda noticed you escaping..."

 

I just half-smirk, "You'd trap me like that?"

 

"... Nah, I can't trap you, as I said, you're like the wind, coming and going as you do. You can't be trapped."

 

A yawn.

 

"... Doesn't mean I can't wanna try, though."

 

We lie there like that for a while, and I let him wrap his arm around me as he sleeps. I'm tired, but I can't let myself sleep... I come and go like the wind? Niisan... I have to see you... but Gateau hasn't been asleep long. Maybe I'll stay like this for a little longer.

 

From downstairs, I hear the front door go, and a happy 'tadaimaaa!!' carry up the stairs... I smile at myself, whispering 'okaeri' to the silent room.

 

I hear Eclair calling for her oniichan, then I hear her thunder up the stairs.

 

"Oniichan! Oniichan?"

 

I hear doors open and shut, quietly waiting for this door to do the same... eventually it does, Eclair starts to speak before she realises the scene in front of her.

 

"Oniichan, did you fall asle-... oh, hey Marron."

 

Her lack of surprise amuses me. She walks in and leans against the door, folding her arms, smiling. She's totally not surprised at her brother and his boyfriend lying in bed in front of her in a state of post-coital bliss.

 

I just smile as if the situation is the most normal in the world, "Hello, Eclair. I... trust you're well?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, things are the same. Just got back from the club, did a little extra training. S'dark outside now, kinda scary coming home in the dark without oniichan, he was supposed to meet me there a while back but he didn't, I wondered if something had happened..."

 

She smirks.

 

"... seems like something did happen. So how come you're back? I don't see you much these days! Neither does oniichan, he's always talking about you."

 

"So I hear. Why am I back? Same reason I always come back; I don't know."

 

Mentally, I run through a list of reasons in my mind; because I missed everybody? Just because I wanted to? Because I just happened to wander near to Façade during my travels?

 

However, Eclair's not stupid, she hits the nail on the head immediately.

 

"It's to see Carrot, isn't it?"

 

I freeze slightly, and delicately remove myself from Gateau's hold. He seems totally gone now; I think it's safe.

 

Reaching for my clothes, Eclair hands them to me, I proceed to get dressed again. I speak a little stiffer now, thoughts of niisan wandering through my mind...

 

"... Perhaps, Eclair. Perhaps."

 

"So how come you're here?"

 

I reach for my hair tie and tie it back once more.

 

"I happened to meet your brother in town... we talked for a while, we ate..."

 

"You talked, you ate, you ended up sleeping together. And now you're gonna leave him again?"

 

I say nothing as I make sure my hair is tied back securely.

 

Eclair sighs, a short-tempered sigh.

 

"Marron, I wish you could just see oniichan when you're not around... I mean... can't you just... can't you even say goodbye to him? Were you even gonna see him? You ran into him in town, but if you hadn't, then..." Another sigh, "... I guess you can't be changed, but still, it's just kinda sad, y'know? Seeing oniichan so sad..."

 

Eclair steps aside for me as I walk through the door. She follows me, she shuts the door... I start to walk down the stairs, she follows me again. My shoes lie near the front door; I slip them on, I'm about to leave, but she stops me.

 

"... Marron, just wait a bit."

 

"What is it?"

 

"... Why do you always do this? Can't you see how much it's hurting oniichan?"

 

She almost becomes a little more angry, "... I don't see how he puts up with it... not knowing where you are... how do we know you've not got a whole load of other lovers on the side? He loves you more than anything else! It hurts him loads, aren't you even affected? ... You're so heartless at times, Marron!"

 

My eyes narrow, and I let silence reign for a few moments as I keep my anger in check.

 

Heartless? I feel the feelings I feel, yet I'm heartless? I don't see myself as that. I just never expected to have to work Gateau into my plans, that's all. Balancing my feelings for niisan and my feelings for Gateau, balancing Gateau's feelings alongside those... I never, somehow, had Gateau's love written in my plans. My feelings were set in stone, and then he disturbed them... and that makes me heartless?

 

I just stare at Eclair, becoming impassive.

 

"... Heartless? I'm heartless?"

 

"You treat oniichan so cruelly!"

 

"... You wouldn't understand."

 

"Maybe if you just told me... what is it I wouldn't understand? Try me, I might!"

 

She stares with such determined eyes, I have to admire her for that. I feel the cold air from outside against my hand, but I don't leave, just yet. I don't want to leave the Mocha house on an argument, but I don't see how this can be rectified...

 

"Eclair, it's... complicated. It's hard enough for myself to... I... I can't... let you know. I'm sorry."

 

"And oniichan? Does he know why you act like this?"

 

"I can't let him know either."

 

She folds her arms, glaring off to the side.

 

"I see... it's some weird secret thing. Do I even want to know?"

 

"Probably not. Would it be enough to say that I get restless? I can't stay in Façade all of my life, it's just not something I can do."

 

"Restless I can understand, but why can't you just stay the night with oniichan and say goodbye to him in the morning?"

 

I think of that. It's never happened; I can never bring myself to stay with him through the night, I can never say goodbye to him in the morning... if I stayed with him... it twists my heart to think about it. The sun would rise upon the two of us, he'd smile at me, the sun shining on him... nothing would be said, I'd just smile back at him... it'd be so warm, our smiles, the sun, our embraces...

 

Niisan, still I think of you.

 

If I stayed with Gateau... if I stayed with him for the night then I wouldn't be able to say goodbye in the morning. Being so close to him... I wouldn't be able to leave him, I wouldn't want to leave him, and that thought scares me. Niisan, the thoughts of you I've carried with me all my life... isn't it enough that somehow I love Gateau as well as you? If I stayed with him, it'd destroy everything my thoughts were ever for, my selfless, selfish determination... I could never love you any less, but to be with Gateau, I'd be happy with somebody who wasn't you, and that... that would undermine... what I felt for you... wouldn't it?

 

I turn my back on Eclair, feeling quietly guilty. My brother is happy with Tira; what have I got to gain by carrying this hopeless desperate love inside of me?

 

It's almost as if... I'm... scared to let myself be happy...

 

I quickly shake that thought from my mind, "I'm sorry, Eclair... I have to go now."

 

"To see Carrot? Marron, he's gonna be asleep by now. Just stay here for tonight! No-one's gonna say no."

 

I step out of the door anyway, and glance at Eclair. She shakes her head.

 

"Well, if that's what you wanna do. Oh, hey, wait a moment..."

 

She runs off somewhere, I wait as she asked. She returns, leaning down to take my hand then pressing something into it. I look at what she gave me, it's a key.

 

"Do you have a key already? I'm really tired so I wanna sleep, but if you do go to Carrot's place and they're all asleep you can still come back here. Don't feel you have to jet off so fast just 'cause you couldn't see Carrot. Even though it's probably against oniichan's best interests... you're always welcome here, Marron..."

 

The metal of the key is cool in my hand as I close my fist around it. I nod at Eclair, not smiling.

 

"... Thank you, Eclair."

 

She nods, and as I turn around and walk away from their house, I hear the front door close behind me.

 

Eclair was right, it is dark. Above me, I can see stars... perhaps my journey to Façade took longer than I thought it did. Perhaps I lay with Gateau for longer than I thought I did. Either way, night's fallen, that can't be argued with.

 

I glance behind me; the Mocha house is in darkness now. Gateau'll wake up in the morning and I won't be there. I slip the key that Eclair gave me into one of my robe pockets... I'll keep it with me, but I won't use it. I don't intend to return to this place, not until my next visit.

 

Perhaps Eclair is right. Perhaps I am heartless.

 

I walk quietly down the street, past silent houses... the people who sleep in those houses... are they... happy?

 

None of them have dangerous obsessions with their close siblings, I can say that almost for certain.

Close siblings...

 

My sigh is the loudest thing to my ears for a moment. Carrot and I were close. Every day we saw each other, or almost every day. Sometimes missions separated us, but... that was duty, that was different. We could only do our job as asked, after all. Besides, after the few days needed for the mission, we'd always be together again, hunting the Sorcerers... sometimes it was all five of us, sometimes it was just my brother, Tira and I... those days... I'll always miss them. It was so easy to be close to you then, niisan... even if I was quiet, I could look at you with warm eyes, speak to you tenderly... in battle, I could show you just how I felt... it didn't matter about me, as long as you were safe. Even if it meant my life, I would have protected you. Even if it took my life. You have my life in all other respects, at least... how would it be so different to just give my life for you?

 

I'd rather give my life to you, though. It's already dedicated to you, I'm dedicated to you, mind, body and soul... and you can't realise that. Nobody can. You can't, Gateau can't, Eclair can't, nobody can. You have me, but you don't realise it... but... do you want me? Not only as a brother, but...

 

The stars twinkle silently down at me. Of course he wouldn't want me like that. He's got a wife, he's got children, he's got the house and the lifestyle and everything else, all he needs now is a faithful dog and he'll have the image set out for life.

 

No-one made me feel like this though, I suppose. It's only my own fault. As I approach the street turn that leads to his house, I feel strangely morose. No-one asked me to love my brother that much. Too much. Is it possible to love something or somebody too much? If it was, then this is probably that feeling. He used to protect me because he was my big brother, and I became strong... my brother urged me to be strong for my own good, for my own protection... but it wasn't for myself that I nurtured the powers I now possess. To protect him. To keep him safe. That was why I became strong, for him, for Carrot. I always protected him, as much as I could. If there was pain, then it was worth it, because it was pain taken on behalf of him, my brother. Even if it hurt so much it was unbearable, it was made somehow bearable. The more it hurt me, then... the less it would hurt him... if an attack hit me, then it hit me, and it wouldn't hit him... but the greatest pains I couldn't take from him. I comforted him during his nightmares, and had I been able to dream, to sleep instead of him, then I would have done. Hakaishin was still within him, though. I couldn't do anything about that, and therefore could only watch helplessly as events unfolded...

 

Any pain was bearable taken on niisan's behalf, but this pain, this pain is entirely my own... and I suppose that's why it's that bit more intense. There's no resolution to this pain, there's nothing that makes it bearable... it's not on anyone else's behalf, it's not for the sake of anybody else, it's only myself and my own stupid, selfish feelings that I just shouldn't have... he's my brother, why can't I live only with that?

 

I'm standing in front of his house now. It's as dark as any other house, but it's unmistakably my brother's house. I walk to the front door, and debate knocking, but... no, that'd be pointless. No-one would be awake, not at this late time... but I'd regret it if I didn't at least try it. He's in this house, and I'm standing outside it... perhaps that's enough.

 

I go to knock on the door, but just before I do, I notice something from inside the house; some kind of... movement? Was that movement?

 

I frown. What had that been?

 

Well, it could only be my brother or Tira. Either them or someone who broke in, either way, it's still someone who's there. Perhaps someone can let me in after all.

 

A few moments pass, then I knock. The sound seems loud in the empty street; from inside, I can hear the sound of... somebody dropping something? Somebody's annoyed yell. That can only be my brother.

 

Another few moments, then I hear a muffled 'Who can that be at this time...' before the door opens. It opens, and... it's him. My brother. Carrot. Somehow all the pain leaves me at seeing him, and I smile warmly at his momentarily confused face.

 

"... niisan..."

 

Carrot's look softens for seeing me; he pulls me into an altogether too brief hug, speaking in a whisper.

 

"Marron! Man, it's been ages since we last saw ya! What brings you to Façade all of a sudden?"

 

He steps back from the hug... there's no reason to lie.

 

"You, niisan."

 

He doesn't know how to react to that, he just turns back into the house, holding the door open for me.

 

"Y-yeah, well... be quiet, 'cause I'm not supposed to be awake..."

 

Curious, I follow him, eventually into the kitchen. I notice dark shapes on the floor, shapes that look suspiciously like various food items... it clicks, that's what's different. The last time I saw him, well, it was as Gateau had talked about... now, he's... he's exactly like he was.

 

I help him pick up that which'd fallen, then we stand up, I fold my arms.

 

"... Why are you awake at this time, niisan?"

 

He smiles widely, indicating to the pile of food in his arms.

 

"Midnight snack."

 

"A-ah... I was going to say..."

 

"I'm lookin' good, right? Thank Tira for that. She's been... whipping me into shape, if you see what I mean... aaah, but it's torture! Seems like I can't eat anything these days! Just for looking at a cake I have to run around Façade's perimeter ten times with her on my tail and the whip not too far behind! It's terrible, Marron, I'm wasting awaay!"

 

I smile wryly, "She took matters into her own hands, then..."

 

Carrot glances down at the food in his hands, at me, hands me an apple, then goes to put the rest back where he found it.

 

"I guess so. Maybe she got sick of always cooking for me, I dunno. The S+M Housewife, scary."

 

I laugh softly, "I see, I see. So... other than that, you're... well?"

 

He nods, "Yeah, pretty much. Nothing's really happened since that Gal-... uh... well, you were there, I'm sure you remember it..."

 

"Y-es, niisan."

 

For a moment he seems hesitant; I remember what happened, and I realise why he might act like that, and I can't help but be distant for that moment.

 

"And how ar-"

 

"CAAARRRROT!!!"

 

Niisan freezes, looking suddenly at the doorway; he whimpers, "Oh noo..."

 

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

 

Is that the crack of a whip I hear?

 

"MY NAUGHTY LITTLE HUSBAND'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE, I KNOW HE IS! AND IF HE'S IN THE KITCHEN..."

 

I think it must be.

 

"... THEN HE'LL HAVE TO BE..."

 

Yes, it is.

 

"... PUNISHED!! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!"

 

The sound of somebody quickly descending stairs is audible; Carrot hastily attempts to hide behind me, "Marron, Marron, protect me, pleease... she's scarier than Chocolat when she's like this, honestly..."

 

Tira's psychotic laugh is audible again, Carrot attempts to run for it, but runs straight into his wife; usually sweet, usually demure, occasionally leather-clad dominatrix...

 

"Oh, Carrot! And what might you be doing in here?"

 

I quietly edge back towards the sink, Tira hasn't noticed me yet.

 

"A-h-uh-ah-ha-ha-ha-er-uh-ha..."

 

"You wouldn't be searching for a midnight snack, would you?"

 

"We-ll, that is, um, ah, ha ha ha, er, I was, um... er... sleepwalking! Yeah, that's it... I... was sleepwalking, and I, er, just happened to wake up in here! Ha ha ha! Funny how these things happen, isn't it..."

 

"And you were sleep-opening-all-the-drawers-and-cupboards too, I take it?"

 

My brother winces as he sees the open drawers and cupboards.

 

"Don't fight it, my darling husband. You've been caught in the act, haven't you?"

 

The strange relaxed excitement in Tira's voice as she speaks of that is something I haven't heard in a long time, not since... well, not for a long time. Usually reserved for when she was about to subdue my brother so I could bring him back from his beast form, or at least about to give him another brutal whipping...

 

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

 

The cracking of the whip sounds brutal, and I wonder if I should have maybe said something. I'd arrived, and niisan was just fixing me something to eat after my long journey... or something... even though it's so late at night... well, she might have believed it, but it's a bit late for that now.

 

Eventually, Tira has Carrot on the floor, standing on him with her high heel. She laughs again, "Ohohohohoho!! Do you consider yourself punished now, my sweetness?"

 

"... uhnngghh... M-... Ma... rr... o... n..."

 

"Carrot?"

 

Carrot raises a finger to point in my direction.

 

"Marron's.... here..."

 

Tira looks up, noticing me for the first time. She gasps, laughing in a 'you weren't supposed to see that' kind of way. She steps into the hallway and emerges back into the kitchen wearing a nightie and her glasses. I frown, thrown momentarily. How did she do that? Does she habitually wear her leather dominatrix outfit underneath her nightclothes? People are often amazed by my powers of Eastern Magic, but I'd admit to being constantly amazed by Tira's - and Chocolat's - powers of random bondage... still, if that's what she's into, I can't really argue with that.

 

"Ha ha ha, Marron, why didn't you say you were here? That, um... well... yes. It's late... did you just arrive?"

 

Thoughts of Gateau occur, but I dismiss them.

 

"... Yes, I just arrived in Façade a short while ago."

 

"I see... well, the spare room's ready for you, it always is... you can tell us how you've been in the morning, can't you? I'm tired, and... some people have punishments they might like to sleep off..."

 

Carrot stands up, moaning. "I wasn't even doing anything bad! Marron just got here!"

 

"You were sneaking downstairs long before he knocked on the door, Carrot."

 

"You were awake?"

 

"Of course!"

 

I watch with amusement. I can't feel any resentment towards Tira for marrying my brother, not at this moment. They have such an... interesting relationship.

 

Carrot yawns, "Well, uh, bed now, I guess..."

 

He stretches, and moans with his discomfort.

 

"Tiraaa, you know how you've got like, healing power and all...?"

 

"NO, Carrot! It's not a punishment if you just get healed up quickly afterwards! You see, there are these little things called consequences..."

 

"Okay, okay, I get it already."

 

Sounding slightly bad-tempered, Carrot leads the way out of the kitchen.

 

Sometimes, you can go somewhere, do something, and it feels suddenly as if nothing ever changes. This is one of those moments.

 

We pause at the top of the stairs; Carrot laughs, sounding somewhat forced.

 

"Ha ha ha, Tira, you go ahead and sleep already, I wanted to talk to Marron for a little while..."

 

"Carrot, Marron's just come in from a long journey, he's tired! Let him sleep, you can talk to him in the morning, he'll still be there!"

 

Niisan turns to face me, "It's no problem, is it Marron? Not just for a little while..."

 

I feel tired now that I think about it, but if niisan wants to talk to me about something, then I can't argue with that. I smile, "Not for a little while, niisan."

 

Carrot smiles and claps Tira heartily on the shoulder, "See? You go back to sleep, I'll be along in a while! Ha ha ha!"

 

"Carrot..."

 

She sighs.

 

"Well, alright... goodnight, you two. See you in the morning."

 

We nod, "Goodnight, Tira.", and she closes the door of her room, across the landing from the spare room. Carrot wastes no time, quickly pulling me into the spare room, closing that door... it's still the same as I remember; he goes over and lights the small oil lamp on the bedside, then smiles at me as I look around. Still the bedside cabinet, still the double bed, still... my brother... he's still smiling at me, smiling brightly.

 

"So, Marron, you know how you've got healing power and all...?"

 

I smile softly, "I should have known..."

 

My guard automatically rises before other things can as Carrot pulls his nightshirt over his head. He throws it casually to the side, and sits on the bedside, turning his back to me so I can see it.

 

"How does it look? It really stings..."

 

"It looks like it stings, niisan... all these years, and you're still not used to it?"

 

He sighs, lying on his front on the bed. Such an irresistible position... no, but this is nothing to do with that. He just wants me to heal him... that's all...

 

"And why would I wanna get used to that? Jeez. Still, you woulda thought my skin woulda toughened or something, but no, it still hurts like hell whenever she does it, much too damn often these days... I mean, jeez, you saw how she got just then just for me being in the kitchen!"

 

"It was quite suspicious though, niisan. She wasn't to know I was there. And besides... from what I could hear, you were already on your way to the kitchen before I got there. You told me yourself you were getting a midnight snack!"

 

"Yeah, yeah, but she's not supposed to know that!"

 

He pats the bedside next to him, "Come onn, lemme feel those fingers!"

 

I freeze momentarily. He really doesn't know what it sounds like he's saying, does he? Or at least what he's saying to me...

 

He looks up at me, smiling.

 

"Marron, you don't need to be nervous... it's only me, after all. You always used to heal me up after battle and stuff, didn't you?"

 

I hesitantly kneel next to him on the bed, "Y-yes, niisan..."

 

He closes his eyes as I press my hands to his shoulderblades, my hands glowing with their soft healing light... I gently press my fingers against him, massaging his skin... I look more closely at his back, it seems that the whippings from today are not the only scars there... I trail one finger down a long lashmark, "Does that hurt, niisan?"

 

"A little..."

 

I concentrate on letting the magic do it's work, his relaxed sigh warming me as I continue.

 

"... And now?"

 

"That feels a lot better... thanks, Marron."

 

"It's no bother, niisan. I..."

 

I like to make sure you're alright? I like to be close to you like this? I... don't know how to say it anymore. Somehow, he seems to understand.

 

"Yeah, I know, I know. It's okay because it's me, right? Up a little... yeah, just th-there, ah... ah yeah, that's good..."

 

"Tira won't be happy with me for doing this."

 

"So? I don't like getting whipped the hell outta me for the smallest thing!"

 

I smile sadly as I move down his back, gently caressing the sides of his chest.

 

"... You still love her though, don't you?"

 

He speaks more quietly, "You need to ask? ... Of course I do. I mean, well... you know."

 

"It's strange how one incident can change lives so suddenly..."

 

There's a silence in the room after that, slightly uncomfortable. I know what I'm referring to, and I suppose he does too... it touches me to hear him speak so softly, but still... no, but he loves her, and he's happy with her. That's the most important thing.

 

I glance down at him, still massaging with glowing fingers... I suppose that, by now, his wounds would have lost their pain... I don't have a reason to carry on.

 

"Niisan..."

 

Sitting back into my kneel, he looks up at me, opening his eyes.

 

"Hey, did I say I wanted you to stop?"

 

"But... those whipmarks..."

 

"So? It's kinda comforting when you do that... we don't even see each other much anymore, Marron. Can't I wanna feel close to you just a bit?" He smiles softly, "I miss my little brother when he's not around."

 

"You'd rather... I stayed, niisan?"

 

He sighs, "If you still wanna go and stuff, then I can't stop you... it's what you wanna do and everything, isn't it? Still, I do miss ya when you're not here... you're my treasured little brother, I... jeez. I guess... I worry about you, ya know?"

 

I can't help but smile; he seems quite flustered at expressing his emotion like that. It's rough, but the emotion is there, and it's comforting.

 

"Yes... I... I miss niisan too."

 

Carrot sits up abruptly, leaning on his side.

 

"Stay, then! You don't have to keep going off everywhere! I mean, if for nothing else, can't you stay for Gateau? I don't see him much these days, but whenever I see him he's always asking about you, always asking if I've seen you, heard from you, how you are... Tira's always telling me stuff Eclair tells her, Eclair gets worried about Gateau a lot 'cause he always gets depressed 'cause you're not around..."

 

I sit up delicately.

 

"Niisan, there... there are reasons why I can't say."

 

"So I hear, 'cept you never tell anyone those reasons!"

 

"No..."

 

We just stare at each other, his kindly brown eyes seeming to stare deeply within me... I look away, it's hard to stare at such eyes for too long. I have to be on my guard... I can't let too much away.

 

Carrot sighs, leaning back down on his side. He reaches for me, his hand on my arm. I feel it press me slightly, I think he wants me to rest alongside him, so I do, watching him quietly. He watches me back, seeming almost sad as he does so...

 

"Is it... 'cause of Gateau? Everyone knows you guys are together and stuff, but... is it 'cause you... don't wanna be with him...?"

 

I shake my head, "No, niisan... he loves me, and in a way, I love him too..."

 

A sigh, "Marron, do we have to keep talking in riddles? I mean, come on. We're not children anymore... don't you... trust me anymore? I'm your older brother, I want to be there for you... it's hard to be there for you when I don't even know where 'there' is 'cause you're all over the continent..."

 

"Niisan, niisan... it's not that I don't trust you, it's just... my problems are my own, nobody else can help them. I brought them upon myself, I... it doesn't matter."

 

A silence, then he speaks again.

 

"Did something happen while you were away? Did you get a girl pregnant or something? Did you kill someone you shouldn'ta? Steal something? Accidentally revive a deadly Kinju? Fall in love with someone?"

 

"... niisan..."

 

"Did you get someone pregnant? Hey, if I'm gonna be an Uncle Carrot then I wanna know about it."

 

I can't help but laugh quietly at that, "It's not like that."

 

"Still don't like girls, huh?"

 

I let the question hang for a little while, glancing to the side.

 

"... It's not a question of liking girls... male or female, there are..."

 

"Hey, you've got a boyfriend, so you've got to at least like guys a bit. What is it, then? I'm not good at guessing games... if there is something wrong, you'd... tell me, right? Just 'cause we don't see each other anymore, that doesn't mean you can't still tell me stuff, right? Maybe if I told you something secret, you'd tell me something secret too. Um, er... something secret... oh yeah, a coupla weeks ago I went to visit Chocolat at her hotel and I walked in on Dota getting changed, and I saw her in her bra and panties! How about that?"

 

He looks a little embarrassed.

 

"... I kinda ogled for a bit then she screamed that I was a pervert and kinda threw stuff at me until I left, but even so, it was still sorta fun."

 

A brighter smile, "So! You gonna tell me anything now? No-one else knows about that Dota thing, just me and Dota and you! ... Unless Dota told Chocolat or anything... that's not the point."

 

I just smile softly, maybe a little sadly.

 

"Niisan, I can't tell anybody, not even you... I appreciate your concern, but I've carried it with me for far too long to tell somebody about... how I feel..."

 

"Damn, I'm even more curious now."

 

I fall onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. Such a situation as this... I could tell him, if I wanted to. I still don't know how he'd react, but... I could tell him, perhaps. Should I tell him...? N-no, he can't know. He'd hate me for what I felt, no doubt he'd tell the others, they'd hate me too... it'd be too much of a destructive cycle, nobody can know what I feel, especially not niisan.

 

I look at him.

 

If he can't know what I feel then why do I still feel like this? Such feelings are unrequited, but if he can never know what I feel, then of course they're going to be unrequited... if he doesn't know how I feel then he can't react to my feelings.

 

And why do I always come back here, anyway? To see him, to see Carrot? Undoubtedly, but... why do I always want to see him? Because I miss him, because I always miss him. Because I like to see him, to talk to him, to be close to him... but would I ever, ever tell him how I feel?

 

He prods at my chest, "Heyy... so you're still not gonna tell me about this big secret feeling type thing you got?"

 

"I can't, niisan. I'm sorry."

 

Carrot rolls onto his back, leaning one leg up and folding his arms with a suddenly sulky air.

 

"Well then, I'm not gonna talk to you until you do! You don't have to keep secrets from me, it's not fair, it's not like there's any big secret I'm keeping from you or anything, don't you even trust me? Hmph!"

 

I just watch him as he stays like that for a while, his eyes closed, still with that self-righteous scowl. My eyes drift slowly down his body. Tonight, he's here with me. Next to me, in bed, naked... alright, so I'm still clothed and he has no idea of how I feel, but it's the thought that counts. I can't tell him, though. Above all else, I can't tell him.

 

I just lean over, wrapping my hand over his far shoulder, holding him across his chest. I cuddle against him a little, sighing slightly. There's nothing else I can say and he can't understand how I mean it, yet still... it makes me tremble just to say it to him, even though... to him, it can only be natural...

 

"I... love you, niisan."

 

He opens one eye, "Oh noo, that's not gonna work with me! I'm still not gonna talk to you! Even if you start crying, it won't change my mind!"

 

I nestle my head between his shoulder and his neck. His skin is warm, so warm. I know he's only joking. I know I won't tell him how I feel. I can comfort myself with my memories of this night on the lonely future nights.

 

"No, but... I do, niisan. I love you, more than anything... more than anyone else. I love you."

 

He sighs, opening his eyes again, relaxing slightly.

 

"I guess I can't make you tell me what the secret is... okay, I give up. You don't haveta tell me if you don't wanna."

 

But I did tell you, niisan... you just don't realise.

 

Underneath me I feel his hand shift; it slips underneath me, holding me slightly as I hold him. I sigh again, contentedly this time. Like this... I'll remember this night. I love being like this. Like this with him. With niisan. The person I love.

 

He laughs gently, "You're so comforting, Marron. Can't even remember what it felt like when it hurt, where Tira whipped me... jeez, Gateau's lucky."

 

"Niisan?"

 

"Well, he's got you, hasn't he? You and him, you know, being together and all... I dunno, I mean, I'm married and all, Tira's all great and everything, it's nice when she comforts me and hugs me and looks after me and stuff, but... it's just a little different when it's you comforting me. Sorta strange. Kinda nice. I dunno. I just feel all warm when you're around, maybe it's 'cause you're not around much, I don't know. But I like it when you're around."

 

"I'll be leaving tomorrow, niisan."

 

"I thought you would be. You never stay for long... you sure you're alright with that? I mean... well, yeah, I said it before... I just worry about you being out on your own, you know how it always used to be, me protecting you, then you protecting me... now you go around on your own... I don't know, it's just, doesn't it get lonely or anything?"

 

I just tighten my grip around him. I can't be lonely, not with him, not at this moment.

 

"Gateau keeps asking me that."

 

"What do you tell him?"

 

The room's silence hangs on Carrot's question.

 

"... That it does get lonely..."

 

"I guess you miss him. He misses you too."

 

"Niisan, I... yes I miss Gateau, but... niisan... it's you who I miss, I... I can't stay in Façade, but... I miss you, I always miss you. I always think about you, I always love you..."

 

"Hey, hey, calm down...! You're all emotional suddenly... shouldn't you be feeling that all about Gateau, though? He is your boyfriend, after all."

 

Carrot yawns suddenly. I glance at a nearby window, I'm reminded that it's dark, that it's well into the night, that certain people should really be asleep by now... this conversation captivates me too much, though. He captivates me too much. I barely want to sleep, not while he's nearby.

 

I let the conversation die for a few moments before I revive it again.

 

"... Niisan, you... said that Gateau was lucky to have me..."

 

"Well, he is."

 

"... if you... wanted, you... could... have me... also..."

 

He frowns, I've confused him. My heart beats in my chest, suddenly feeling frantic. I said that... that's almost directly propositioning him... how can he react to that?!

 

"Marron?"

 

"N-nevermind... it... it's n-nothing, we... we should... sleep now, niisan..."

 

"You're nervous?"

 

"Niisan... it's nothing..."

 

He still doesn't understand...

 

"Well, if you say so... yeah, you're right. We should sleep now, I mean, it's gotta be way late... and you're

leaving again tomorrow morning? You sure you don't wanna stay for a bit longer?"

 

I close my eyes, "I'm sure."

 

He shifts over, hugging me and letting me hug him in an easier position.

 

"I guess none of us can make you stay. Well, goodnight, then."

 

"Mmm... n-night, niisan..."

 

We're silent for a few moments.

 

"... I love you, niisan..."

 

Another silence, then, surprising me, he speaks also.

 

"I know. I love you too, Marron."

 

The warm feeling I feel, that comfort, that happiness... guides me eventually takes me into the world of sleep.

 

****

 

Opening my eyes, I realise several things.

 

Firstly, it's morning; sunlight streams in through the window... the sun seems quite high in the sky. I overslept? It's possible.

 

Secondly, Carrot and I are still in our sleeping embrace. Second-and-a-half-ly, he's still naked...

 

Thirdly, Tira's standing next to the bed, wearing her apron, her arms akimbo, looking slightly puzzled.

 

"Boys will be boys, I suppose... you two, it's almost lunchtime!"

 

I groan slightly as I look up at her, "... Hn?"

 

"Well, it's good to see that someone's awake. What happened here? How come Carrot's not wearing anything?"

 

"... that is..."

 

She sighs, unable to hide a smile.

 

"You healed him, didn't you?"

 

"... yes..."

 

"You shouldn't be so soft on him, Marron! I guess you can't help it, but still... I'm trying to teach him a lesson! Though I suppose it doesn't matter if it's just this one time, okay?"

 

She winks, and walks over to shake Carrot's shoulder.

 

"Carrot! Carrot, time to wake up!"

 

"Nnh..."

 

He just shifts and holds onto me a little more firmly. I sigh happily, and whisper quietly into his ear.

 

"Niisan... niisan, it's morning..."

 

"M... rrn... nn?"

 

One eye opens slowly, then the other one; he sits up quickly, "Marron? What are you-"

 

He looks to his other side and sees Tira, "Tira? Marron? Huh?"

 

I just smile, running a hand through my hair, freeing it from night-time tangles. I let my brother think he's been caught in a different kind of night-time tangle before speaking.

 

"Nothing happened, niisan. You don't have to worry about that. We just talked, then we fell asleep..."

 

"Oh... oh, right... uh... Tira, were you just in here to wake us up?"

 

She nods, "That and to tell you it's almost lunchtime. Did you want something to eat?"

 

"I was going to be leaving soon..."

 

A warm smile, "I know, but it wouldn't hurt to have a meal together, the three of us, would it? Come on, it wouldn't take too long."

 

Niisan's warmth still echoes on my body as I stand up, "Well... alright."

 

Tira smiles and leaves the room. Carrot glances around the room, "Guess she didn't bother to bring clothes in for me... oh well. You go ahead and go downstairs, Marron. I'll just get dressed, I'll be down in a coupla minutes, okay?"

 

"Alright, niisan."

 

Tira left the door open... we both leave, Carrot heading into his own - well, his and Tira's - room, and I walk down the stairs. Tira's waiting at the bottom with a happy smile.

 

"You slept well?"

 

I nod, "Yes, I did. It's always nice to come back after being away..."

 

I follow her into the now sunlit kitchen.

 

"You should come back more often, then..."

 

"If you're going to tell me that either you miss me when you're gone or that other people miss me when I'm gone, then you don't have to. I've already had that from Gateau, Eclair and Carrot, I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I don't have to leave Façade, everybody keeps telling me... I'm sorry, Tira. You probably weren't going to say anything like that. It just seems to be the only thing that anybody ever tells me these days..."

 

"I could say things like that, but I suppose you've got your own reasons for acting like you do... Marron-chan's always been quiet and serious, right? It's not as if anything's happened to change that..."

 

I laugh softly, sitting down at the kitchen table.

 

"It's nice to hear someone speak like that."

 

"So you've seen Gateau, then?"

 

The vase of flowers on the table fascinates me into silence for a short while before I sigh, "... yes, I saw him."

 

"He's still the same?"

 

"He's still the same. I also saw Eclair, as I was leaving, I ran into her... she was angry, Tira."

 

Glancing over my shoulder, I see that Tira's preparing lunch, cooking something... I turn my attention back to the flowers.

 

"Angry?"

 

"Yes... she doesn't know how Gateau puts up with my actions."

 

A slight mirthless laugh, "I don't know how he does either. But he loves me, and... I suppose that's how."

 

Carrot wanders into the room, clothed.

 

"Yeah, well, otouto's gotta learn, people put up with a lot 'cause it's from the person they love... right, Tira?"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Carrot."

 

"Tira Misu's Whippings Of Love?"

 

She smirks around at him, "Tira Glacé now, husband. We got married, remember?"

 

"Ha ha ha, how can I forget..."

 

Carrot wanders over to the table and sits himself down opposite where I am sat.

 

"... so, Marron! Where do you think you're gonna go now?"

 

"Where am I going to go, niisan? I'm not sure. Perhaps south of Façade, last time I went west, I haven't been south for a while now."

 

"I see, I see, sounds good. Meet anybody interesting on your travels?"

 

I think for a few moments. Did I?

 

"Oh, yes... a few months ago I encountered the Chips family, on a holiday or something similar..."

 

"Ack, that little Count Runt. How are they? ... Hehe, how's Salad?"

 

I notice Tira's little glare but dismiss it.

 

"They're fine... she doesn't look a day over twenty-five as usual, even though she's... how old would she be now? In her late forties... oh, but Count Potato Chips... strange as it would be to say, he's actually grown into quite a fine young man, speaking from a platonic viewpoint..."

 

Carrot sniggers, "HAH!! Potato?! A 'fine young man'!? THAT'S a good one! He'll never be more than a runt in my mind."

 

"He is twenty-four now, niisan..."

 

"Yeah, well. Even so... hath he thtill got that lithp?"

 

"He has, but his mother said he was working on it."

 

At that point, Tira approached with the lunch, sat down with us, and we ate.

 

The conversation was friendly enough, telling them of things I'd encountered on my journeys, them telling of the things that've happened in Façade while I've been away... all too soon, lunch ended, and I realise that I told them I was leaving after lunch. I suppose I have to leave; it might be relaxing to stay for a little while longer, but... such is habit and tradition, I can't stay for too long.

 

Tira was busying herself with the washing up as we heard the knock on the door; she looked up, "Oh, who could that be?", hurrying off to answer the door. I lean my head on caged hands, smiling at my brother.

 

"Why don't you help her with the washing up?"

 

"Last time I tried I ended up breaking stuff... she doesn't trust me with it much anymore..."

 

"Oh, I see."

 

Talking is audible from the front door... Carrot and I fall into silence as we listen to the conversation; I freeze as I realise. It's Gateau.

 

"Tira... has Marron been here at all?"

 

I wince; she wouldn't know to say no...

 

"Why, yes, he stayed the night..."

 

Carrot notices my wince.

 

"... he's in the kitchen if you want to see him, we just had lunch..."

 

Damn... Tira, why did you have to tell him that...

 

"Marron? You okay?"

 

"Hn? Y-yes, niisan..."

 

I stand up, pushing my chair underneath. "I think... he'd want to see me."

 

"Uh huh..."

 

I walk through into the hallway, noting that I'm followed by my brother as I do so. Tira and Gateau look up as we walk into the hall, Gateau looking surprised as he sees me.

 

"Ma-Marron!"

 

"... Gateau..."

 

"I thought you woulda left already..."

 

"I was just about to."

 

"Right, I see... I'm glad I managed to catch you before you left, 'cause... I'm gonna go with you."

 

He surprises me with that. I just stand still for a moment, slightly disbelieving...

 

Gateau wants to leave Façade with me? No, but... he has a life here, why would he... why would he want to leave that?

 

"Gateau, you can't mean that..."

 

"Why wouldn't I? I always worry about you when you're gone and stuff, I always get depressed and lonely and I miss you and all of that stuff, so... I've been thinkin' about it for a while, actually... but whenever I wanted to say anything, you were always gone, and I'd haveta wait until the next time you were in town, and of course, I'd never know when that would be... glad I managed to catch you, 'cause now I've managed to... well, yeah."

 

I notice a small pack on his back; he's serious.

 

"Gateau, but... what about Eclair? What about your club? What about... what about your life here?"

 

"Eclair's not a kid anymore, she can cope on her own. Besides, Tira, Carrot, you guys can look out for her if she needs anything too, right? Chocolat and Dota and everybody else too. And she's good friends with the girls in the club... she knows how unhappy I get, I talked about her with it this morning... heh, she was the one who persuaded me to come out just now, I was sure you'd already be gone but she made me come out here anyway, 'cause she said she spoke to you last night... so... yeah. Are you going now? 'Cause I'm coming with ya whether ya like it or not."

 

"Gateau..."

"And my life here... what life here? I guess it's a bit like you, gettin' restless and all... I'm happier when I know where you are and that you're safe and stuff... and if I go with you, I can at least protect you and all, can't I? It'll be an adventure, like when we were Sorcerer Hunters! I'll get to go all the places I hear you talk about."

 

He... but he can't come with me... those nights where I think only of niisan, those lonely lonely nights...

 

They wouldn't have to be lonely anymore. Not with Gateau around.

 

No, but... my feelings for niisan...!

 

I look at him, he smiles expectantly. I look at Tira, and at Carrot. Tira smiles happily, Carrot smiles widely.

 

"Heh, well, I guess that solves some of your problems, right otouto? You wouldn't have to miss Gateau while you were gone 'cause he'd be right there! Right?"

 

My feelings for niisan...

 

Maybe in the future I could tell Gateau of my feelings, and hope that maybe he'd understand. It's not as if I don't love him also after all, but... niisan will always have part of me that can never belong to anybody else.

 

However, with Gateau by my side... perhaps it will be less lonely.

 

Eventually, I smile slightly.

 

"I suppose... I can't stop you, Gateau..."

 

"Eeexactly! Even if you don't want me to I'll end up following you anyway, I can walk just as fast as you can if not faster."

 

"Alright, alright, so you're coming with me."

 

I step forward, Gateau steps back and out of the house. I follow him, turning to smile at my brother and his wife. My brother who I love more than anything or anyone else, I'll always love you like that, even if you don't realise... but you also love Tira, as much as I also love Gateau, I suppose... I entertain the idea that maybe our situations are similar, and that you might also have a hidden love for me also... maybe you do. It'd be nice if you did. But we have to hide our situations behind loves for other people, so... yes, I can live with that. As long as you can love me and other people, then so can I. Because you can, I can too.

 

They stand in their doorframe, my brother looking... happy, in the sunlight. He looks older, undoubtedly. Older, but still my brother... it'll take a good couple of years before he's as well-built as father, anyway. He'll always be my brother, though... there'll always be that connection... and I'll always love him...

 

He and Tira call their goodbyes, Gateau calls back, and I wave. Eventually we turn the street corner, and they're gone. Gateau throws his arm around my shoulders, and I feel strangely emotional, even though I leave them everytime... goodbyes are always the least pleasant...

 

"SO! What are we gonna do now?"

 

I blink back the vague tears I feel, smiling softly up at Gateau.

 

"Anything we want, Gateau."

 

"I see, I see... had you planned to go anywhere?"

 

"I'd thought about heading off in a southerly direction, since I haven't been that way for quite some time..."

 

"Yeah, sounds good to me."

 

It's another busy day in Façade. We walk through the crowds of people, and it's not until we're approaching the outskirts that I see Eden's spire and remember my parents... I wrinkle my nose, doubtless they're the same. My mother is Big Mama now, she can always watch over me, or at least, I like to fancy that she can. I'm sure she does.

 

Gateau smirks, nudging at me.

 

"What, Gateau?"

 

"Wanna know what I've got in the bag?"

 

I glance at the pack on his back.

 

"Food, water, other things? What else are you going to have in there?"

 

He leans over, whispering something into my ear.

 

"... ... Gateau, why do you need that much lubricant?!"

 

He walks a little further ahead as I stop and stare at him. He stops too, his hands on his hips, still smirking.

 

"Hey, gotta be prepared for the mad forest sex, ya know?"

 

"Ga-Gateau!"

 

"C'monn, don't say you didn't think about it. Ha ha, we can be as loud as we want! I can't wait. So let's go already!"

 

With that, he runs off, laughing as he goes. No, some people never change. So I chase off after him, knowing that he wants me to; perhaps some things change, but I can't help but feel that this journey away from Façade will be different to those other journeys... but I don't mind. Niisan will always be waiting for me back in the city, and Gateau and I can have fun in the forests while Carrot and Tira enjoy their interesting relationship...

 

Somehow, life looks just a little happier now. Gateau can't wait until we reach the forests? I catch up with him, letting him hold my hand as we slow to a walk, happy with each other. He can't wait?

 

... Neither can I.

 

 

 

~End~

 

 

 

 

****
Author's Ranting

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Whee, I love Gravitation music so much... *listened to a lot of Gravi music while writing this*... Yuki's theme, Shuichi's theme, Theme Of Gravitation and Glaring Dream, to be exact. And some other music that wasn't from Gravitation.

Anyway, this fic... it takes place after the manga (obviously) and after the 10th Anniversary Manga Special... thing that came out last month in Japan. That I just had to have, cough... I think the bad guy in that was called Galman, it was something like that, anyway. In the aforementioned special, Carrot and Tira are still living together (and Carrot is, as my friends would put it, "A FAT JABBA"... scary Carrot, bad Akahori, no cookie for you *spank* *not in a kinky way*), Eclair and Gateau are still exactly the same (and in it for about four frames, grr... what is it with Akahori leaving Gateau out of all these things? He wasn't even in the epilogue!), Chocolat has Carrot's kids (Cream and Shiyu) and a hotel with Dota, for some reason. Apricot is now Big Mama ("Apricot-sama-... no. Big Mama of the Sorcerer Hunters..." ~ Shicho) and she's still with Onion (Apricot and Onion <3 <3)... anything else... uh... oh yeah, Marron, of course... Marron now seems to be wandering around on his own. I don't know quite why, but I know that, when Shicho's asking Tira near the start how everybody else is, Tira mentions something about "Marron's work", and when he's out in the forest later on, Marron meets a Young Boy (and proceeds to have absolutely no kinky yaoi makeout sessions with him at all, sigh) who then turns into a demon thing (I think... maybe he was possessed or something... not sure) he's still got his ofuda and he's still using his magic and all, so... yeah, why else would Marron be out on his own? Because he's still being kickass and upkeeping justice in the land, of course <3. He now has his hair tied back <3. The current background on my webpage ( http://tabi.racso.com/Hive/Main.htm , cough) is Marron with his hair tied back~. At first I was like "OH MY GOD HE'S CUT IT" but then ya see he's just had it tied back ^~

At one point in the fic, it's got Marron remembering the Galman incident, and wishing he couldn't... see, the anniversary special culminates with the demon thing they're fighting taking over Carrot's body (or something) and, uh, Tira has sex with Carrot to turn him back to normal. La Blue Dominatrix. Tira and Carrot are boinking while Shicho, Chocolat and Marron are just watching, and as per usual for Marron, he's chibi and crying, aww... poor Marron-chan *gives him the cookie she wouldn't let Akahori have*

Originally I wanted this fic to be Glacécest, then it sorta went Gaterron, it's sorta both. I just love the mental image of Gateau pulling out Marron's hairthing and letting it fall all around him... <3 <3... mm... I also like the mental image of 26-year-old-Marron in glasses ^o^. Mmm... older!Marron... *drool*

 

~Tabi~

20th June 2003

 

"But suddenly, Carrot didn't care that I secretly wanted him to be my first, that I wanted to be his first, and so his first was therefore with Tira. Even if my brother did realise my feelings now, there would still always be Tira. She loves him, he loves her, they have each other. Chocolat also loves him, and I think he loves her too, even if not in the same way as he loves Tira; but also, Gateau loved me. I love niisan, but he has Tira. If niisan loved me, then... I would have Gateau."

... isn't that just the most confusing paragraph ever? ^___^;;;;