Spirited Away Fan Fiction ❯ Bored Little Girls ❯ Chapter 1

I had always thought that they'd simply forgotten. That, because they had been pigs, because it had been so magical, they had forgotten. Or their memories had been erased. Or that they were blind to magic. My mind could never decide on that one thing. It could never decide on things like that. Never on things that had to do with back then. It shied away from thinking too deeply about that place, about what had happened.

It hurt sometimes. Okay, so it hurt almost always. But I always held onto that little promise he made. I daydreamed about what he would look like, now that I was all grown up. Would he have grown as well? Do dragons age at the same rate as humans? Would he remember me? I was determined that I wouldn't forget him. It always seemed like if I did, even for a day, he would disappear. I tormented myself, teasing and thinking that if I didn't think about him at least once a day he would fade away, like those magical creatures in cartoons that always say "If you believe in me and believe in magic, I'll live forever!" and did, because they were only animated drawings. They were only ideas, after all. Playthings for the mind.

But I still waited for Haku to come for me.

"Chihiro? Are you coming?"

"No mom. It's alright. I'm just going to make myself something here. You guys go and have a good time, okay?" and I smiled at them as they walked out the front door. I listened as the car started, as the wheels rolled them toward their dinner.

It wasn't the same car. Not the one that took them to that meal before, in that place. The one that branded them for consumption by spirits and gods. That car had long since died. That back seat that I had flopped around in restlessly, the scratches in the paint from the branches that scraped it when my father decided to take that little road. They were all gone, and that hurt a little, though I wasn't sure why. I still had those memories, didn't I? And I still had Haku. It didn't matter if this outside world was so boring and so grey that it almost made me cry. I knew there was something else out there, some special magical place where the spirits and gods and dragons were waiting for me, their little mortal girl, to come back to them. I could imagine so clearly, running toward them, running toward Haku and he opened his arms to welcome me, and I ran into him and he held me against him and I could smell that wonderful scent that came off of him, and I could feel all that magic and power all around me. Everyone cheers for us, so in love, so happy. Everyone cheers.

I open my eyes again. I'm lying on the ground, and I get up slowly. I think about my life so far. It had been a few years. I had been known, Before, as the bored girl. I was always whining, complaining, fussing over the smallest things. I was always so bored. And then, After, I was the Good Girl. I knew when to swallow my pride and discomfort and do as I was told. I had decided that I would not whine anymore, because Haku must not like girls that whined. And I so desperately want to be that girl that Haku likes. How many other girls wandered through there and met Haku? How many others must have told him his Name? How many times had he forgotten, how many girls had he promised to come back for?

… How many did he actually come for? And what made me so special?

I'm walking. Shivering. It's cold, am I outside? Yes. Yes, I'm walking somewhere outside and I've gone a long way already because my legs hurt a little. I'm going to find that place, and I'm going to wait for Haku there for awhile. And I'm going to call his name-

"Kohaku! Kohaku, where are you?! Kohaku, I miss you! Where did you go Kohaku?!"

-and maybe I'll try to go back. This place is boring anyway. Not much to do here. It's no fun.

I'm getting bored again.

I laugh and run a little. It will be so much fun to see them all again! And even if they don't remember me, even if they don't care anymore, I will be happy. I will have fun, even if I forget my name and I can't ever go back.

Haku hasn't come for me yet. That's alright. I'll come to him then. He knew my Name when I had forgotten, so I will bring him his Name now that I am sure he has forgotten again. I will bring myself to him, and maybe then he can start remembering again and remember his promise.

He promised we would see each other again.

And I'm here. There. In the darkness, the little statue smiles at me like a demon, an ill omen, a warning. Maybe it's mad at me because my father almost crashed into it. It probably thinks that us mortals are so foolish. It hates me. It wants to jump up and bite me.

I smile wistfully and pat its stone head.

The tunnel. Does it pull at me? I can't tell. I'm so happy. I'm going back.

I'm so happy.

I run towards it, into it, tears streaming from my eyes because I'm that happy, I've wanted this for so long, finally…

It's dark.

"Don't look back."

Something cold? Hard… on my hands. They're out in front of me, feeling around. It's… a wall? What?... Why is there a wall? There can't be a wall here!

I fall to my knees and claw at it, trying to find a hole, or a secret passageway, or something.

We're walking into the tunnel, my dad, my mom, and me. I cringe behind my mother, scared that there might be an axe-murderer or something scary in here. Maybe even a monster?...

"Huh," my dad says, coming up to a stone wall in the middle of the tunnel and patting it. "I guess there's nothing here after all. Oh well. Back to the car guys!"

I hear a river from far away, a rushing trickling sound.

My eyes glaze over as I follow them back out of the tunnel and into the car.

NO! No no no, that can't be it, I saw it, I saw it, I know I did! This was the place, I know I entered a different world right here, I met Haku, and he promised to meet me again someday, didn't he? I know he did! I know it!!

I scream and it echoes around the tunnel, dying slowly. Tears come pouring out of my eyes, clogging up my nose and throat even as I start sobbing and making horrible sounds that are like a wounded animal laying somewhere and waiting for a predator to come and finally kill it.

This is too much.

I pluck the hair band from my head and watch it blur as my eyes refill with salty water again. I hiccup and sniffle as I crawl over to a wall of the tunnel and place it gently where I had found it.

There. I was… never here. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry I can't come back. I'm sorry I even came in the first place, because you were real to me and now I have to let you go. I made you real, and made you feel the same things a real person would feel. So, when I stop thinking about you, you will die, and you must be so sad right now, but I'm still so sorry!

Haku… I'm even more sorry. Haku, I have to stop thinking about you. You'll fade away, just like one of those cartoon characters on television when their shows are cancelled. They collect dust, and they disappear and you never hear their voice again, never see them light up your television set again, because you stopped believing in them and they died. I'm so sorry Haku.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper, laying down curled up next to the wall and letting my eyes slowly close.

"Hey, did you hear?"

"What?"

"There was this rain storm last night, and, you know that little river over in the forest over there?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, news last night said that the river flooded over its banks because of the rain, and it completely soaked all the ground around that trail up to the creepy statue, remember it?"

"Wow. Damn."

"Yeah. And that cave, tunnel-looking thing, the news said that because the ground got so damp it caused it to collapse. And that creepy statue sank into the ground too!"

"Because the ground was so weak, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But that's not the best part! Last night, people swore that they heard the statue screaming and crying as it got swallowed up by the ground! Isn't that creepy?"

"Yeah. … I'll bet it's not haunted anymore now."