Spirited Away Fan Fiction ❯ Kohaku's Quest ❯ Kohaku's quest ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter two: Delaying a fait, desiring a fait.

I wish I could tell you that I was as polite as Chihiro while leaving, but I didn't bow nor showed gratefulness. I simply turned and left the room and Yubaba in shocked stillness. After all, Chihiro hadn't been treated so badly. She had kept her innocence and pure aura intact; in fact, it was stronger while she left than when she came. But Yubaba had made me a murderer and a filthy thieve. I, who was created to guard and love, was now feared. My skin was constantly chilly and pale, my eyes sharp and icy and before Chihiro came I hadn't smiled for ages. There was nothing to be thankful about. Nothing.

Hatred is a very easy feeling to welcome, but it's consequences is not desirable. Along with hatred follows insecurity and suspicion. In time, hate makes you unable to ever trust or fell faith ever again. I knew that and therefore I mended my anger, stilled it until my hate was no more than a silent wrath over my mistreatment. After all I had only been temporally shaped, not changed forever.

As I entered the elevator for- hopefully- the last time, and pulled the lever, I felt a strong relieve. All the dark doubts inside had vanished, I was once again pure and truly white. But I also felt all the tense I had ignored and pushed aside demanding some space. Shivering, I slide down the wall and sat in the corner with my arms around my knees. To say I was all shook up wouldn't be covering these confusing feelings that crowded my brain and made me burst out in tears. Old as I may be, I was sort of new-born for the moment. I had regained my name, my strength and my freedom within only a day. Cry is what new-born do. Cold salty drops fell from my eyes, each and every one of them reminding me of Chihiro.

<I am free. She is gone. I am lost. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all. But free. No more black work. No more hiding in the dark. Pure. Pure as her gentle soul. Pure as the child who could charm not one, but two witches. And a dragon.

Zeniba!>

<Ouch! >

I accidentally banged my head at the wall as I rose quickly to standing. Zeniba was no longer angry whit me, she had said. And she had also told me to look after Chihiro! And that is my most eager desire now. Oh, I do want my river back, I do. Being without it's delightful depths and gay murmur is awful. For all I know, I may know have the power to once again let the streams flow, to let the strong, long buried water drown the buildings and roads that held it captured... But to be without Chihiro was plain impossible. She would never forgive me for flooding the society, and by bonding myself to the river once more I would also be tied to it.

I know what to do. I will seek up Zeniba and ask for her advice. For sure, she will know more than me about how to enter and stay in the human world. And maybe she even will help me by teaching me some magic that couldn't be used to harm anyone.

No, what am I thinking? No more magic!

The elevator had reached its goal. I could hear the Aogaeru and Yuna yell their welcomes to the new guests. Oh yes, the ferry came today. Normal I would snoop around, checking that no one got any none-paid treatments or if they had hidden gold or jewels somewhere. If so, Yubaba would suggest exclusive baths and massages just to get her hands on it. Now I can if I want, demand to be treated as an honoured guest myself.

The thorn soul inside me enjoyed to imagine a woman's gentle massage while bathing in hot water, but I knew I wouldn't like it in reality. Even though I appear in a boyish human gestalt, I am over 2000 years old and I know those pleasures isn't for me. Experience has made me even stop trying, since I just can't feel the sensations others are talking about.

But I felt some new kind of feeling while spending time with Chihiro. Not the one humans and spirits had talked about, but... Well, I just can't understand it.

My diffuse thoughts shattered as Lin saw me from distance and loudly called the one name she had on me.

"Haku-sama!"

She rushed over, eager to know the latest news. She had earlier been frightened for me, I knew, but my relationship with Chihiro had changed that. It was if as Lin automatically trusted the ones Chihiro seemed to care about. Considering Chihiros age and Lin's popularity and influence at the Aburaya, it should be the other way around. Why was that? Busy socialising, I saved that thought for later.

"What have you been doing? It's a massive buzz all around the Aburaya about you challenging Yubaba! And where were you all day? Kamaij worried sick about you!"

Lin's statement showed clearly that Kamaij hadn't been the only worried one. A warm feeling, similar to the one I felt every time I thought of Chihiro, flooded me. I smiled, a true, sincere smile, totally different than the one I used to call a smile. Somehow that strengthen that diffuse feeling of mine. Curious.

"I will tell you all about it, Lin. But if Kamaij also want to hear, I think it's better if we go to him so you both can listen." I lay my hand on her shoulder. "And I'm fine, as you can see for yourself. Do you have time to come right now? I must leave the Aburaya as soon as possible."

Lin seemed perplex. I'd rather not sort out if it was because of what I had said, or about me touching her. That's not a pleasant thought. But Lin nodded, obviously ignoring the fact that the Aogaeru had called for her repeatedly. I worried for a moment that I would jeopardise Lins and Kamaijs positions, but then I realised Yubaba never ever would let them go or stop working. They were keyfigures in this establishment and she knew it.

We didn't talk to each other in the elevator (The one before wasn't my last after all). I'm not much of a small-talker and even if I were, this moment demanded silence. I could feel how Lin struggled not to disturb the silence with questions. She ogled at me from time to time, I could see in the corner of my eye. Lin was wearing her working clothes, the only clothes she had. Hakma tied up with a white tie. It stung in my heart when I realised that I probably never will be able to help her or anyone out of here. Maybe I should have tried to force Yubaba to change the employment terms for everybody while having advantage...

<But no. No, that wouldn't work. As it was now, everyone had to fight for themselves. No use in blaming myself for something I'm not guilty nor responsible of.>

Entering the cellar and its darkness and noises I straightened up, both physically and mentally. Lin walked slightly behind me, as she used to do while I still were higher up than her in the hierarchy. Well, I still am, but now it only feel silly. She still has a given position; I am only something who is born to be something. I waited so she would catch up, equal as she was to me. Lin accepted this new order with a nodding. She understood the hidden meaning behind or at least she had reasons not to question equality. As we kneeled in front of the sliding door I tried to imaging Lin being in Chihiros age. Shiny, curious eyes, an infectious laughter, soft, long hair who fell against her shoulders. Quite like herself today, but smaller and less serious. Lin must have been a child once, but she had grown to a hard-working young woman with more responsibility than she ought to have. I trembled inside while thinking that. Would Chihiro grow up to a future like that? Would she forget the adventures, the beauty, the power one single little spirit could have? But then I remembered - Lin only looked as a human. Her spirit wasn't. Human shape was the most practical one for hard work and Yubaba knew that. Therefore everyone here were in human shape, even if their spirits were or had been of another shape. Lin was a fox. She came here as a fox, I knew, for I had led her to Yubaba. I wondered if telling Lin who she really was would be enough to free her, but then I realised it was the discover of one's true name who was the key. And what name can a fox have?

Torment would be the outcome of the truth. So I kept it.

As we entered the boiler room, all activity slowed down. The soot looked at me an Lin as they passed. Kamaij sat crushing herbs as always, totally fixed at his task. Eager to hear my story, Lin called out his name while crawling in gracefully.

"Kamaij. Kamaij! You ought to take a break now, you have a guest!"

Kamaij turned his head and spotted us. You could almost see a smile behind that big moustache of his. And I suddenly wondered for the first time which colour his eyes had.

___Where do these new thoughts come from?___

"Lin! And Haku! I wondered where you had gone."

Carefully, Kamaij climbed down to the floor, using his extra arms. His legs just hang freely in the air, since they were so much shorter than his arms. Yubaba had transformed him, adjusted him for this task and this task only. A depressing thought. As if Kamaij were born just do end up here and do this for all his life. Even more depressing: for all I know, that could be true.

I waited `til Kamaij and Lin had settled and the soot flew and gathered around. Then I sat down, crossing my legs under me and told them what has happened and what I was about to do.

Chapter three to follow