Spirited Away Fan Fiction ❯ Spirited Delay ❯ Welcome to the Spirit World, May I Take Your Order? ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimers: I don't own Spirited Away..this is also on FF.net

[Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo…insert boring opening music and credits here]

"GET TO THE POINT!" many Spirited Away fans yelled, attacking the poor, innocent author. The author did anime waterfall tears, and fast-forwarded to the part where they are in the car talking.

Chihiro sat boredly in the backseat of her parent's car, chewing on her bouquet.

"Holy shizzle fo fizzle wally mo mizzle yo, this really is in the middle of nowhere! We might turn into country hicks, dawg. Keepin it real!" Chihiro's creepy mother rapped, running over a squirrel with the car.

There was a long silence.

Chihiro continued to knaw on the poor flowers. Until, however, one of the flowers jumped up and started attacking her.

"O_O!! MOM! ONE OF THE FLOWERS IN MY BOUQUET IS PSYCHICALLY ATTACKING MY EYEBALL!" screamed the ten year old, waving her arms frantically.

"That's nice, dear ^_^!" her mother replied, getting out a permanent marker and drawing flowers on the windshield.

"I finally get a bouquet and it's a good bye present from a random person I have never heard of. That's depressing," Chihiro sighed, attempting to pull the evil flower off her eyeball.

"Your father gave you a rose on your birthday!" Chihiro's mother remarked.

"Yes, but one rose isn't a bouquet! Besides, the neighbor's nephew fed it to his cat! ::sniffs and stares at her good-bye card:: Why are we speaking English when we live/write in Japanese?" questioned Chihiro.

::crickets chirp::

"Because of the MOOSE!" Chihiro's father hollered, doing the Can-Can.

"o_O Right. ::looks outside:: What are those things that look like little houses? AHH! I BET THEY'RE VOODOO HOUSES THAT KI-" the heroine started, but her mom cut her off.

"They're little shrines. Some people believe spirits live there,"

But however, Chihiro completely ignored her mother and kept on rambling.

"THAT PERSON WHO REMINDS ME OF MICHAEL JACKSON IS GONNA CALL ME AND SAY "ONE WEEK," AND, AND THAT GUY FROM THE HOOKED ON PHONICS COMMERCIAL IS GOING TO COME AND HAUNT US AND STEAL OUR SHOES THE-"

"Silly Chihiro!" the people who are currently reading this fanfic chimed, doing a cheesy grin. Chihiro's dad looked at the map blankly.
"Huh..? Where are we?"

His wife pointed out the window, giggling insanely.

"YA FOO, T EH HOUSE IS OVA DER! DIG IT, DAWG? IT'S THE SHIZZLY FIZZLY BLUE ONE. DAWG. Yeah. Okay. ::sweat drop:: "

"We have a blue house o_O? That's just plain strange," their daughter grumbled.

"I must have taken a wrong turn. I can't read these freakin' Japanese directions..Oh well! ::insane grin:: I'll just take a short cut!" Mr. Chihiro's Dad screamed insanely.

"NO! REMEMBER LAST TIME YOU TOOK ONE YOU GOT US LOST IN THAT MIDGET CIRCUS!!" Chihiro and her mom said at the same time. Her father shrugged, and kept driving. After a while, he sped up.

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KIILLED! SLOW DOWN!"

"Whoa! What's that?!" he questioned, slamming the breaks. Chihiro sat in the backseat, huge-eyed and gasping for air as her father got out of the car.

"This building isn't real! It's made from ::sniff: Candy?" he said, confused. Hansel and Gretel skipped by, and combusted into platypuses..or platypi..whatever o_o;;The who family blinked,and edged away.

Chihiro hopped out of the car, and her mom reluctantly followed.

"C'mon! Let's take a quick look!" her father yelled, motioning them to come inside the boring.

"Blah blah afraid of statue blah blah blah wait for blah me," Chihiro read from her script, bordley.

"Silly Script Writers!" the readers said, and continued reading this lame parody.

As they entered the building Chihiro clung to her mom's arm.

"LYK OMG!!11oneone CHIRIO!1 LET GO OF MEH ARM!1 YO BREAKING IT!1 IMA GONNA BEE DOOOMED!1`1112323"

Censor Guy: KEEP THE RATING AT PG! ::disappears::

"Oh. Okay. Chihiro, stop clinging like that. You're going to make me trip and break my nose and blood will go everywhere and-" she continued.

Censor Guy: ::reappears:: AHEM!

Chihiro's mother started to sob.

"LYK OMGG SORRY!11" she wailed, as the Censor dude disappeared..again. Pretty soon, the family reached the end of the tunnel. Giggles! That sorta sounded dramatic..in a not really dramatic way…okay..yeah.

"Silly Chihiro's Mom!" the readers at home squealed.

"This must've been one of those old amusement parks built in the early 90's. They all went bankrupt, though,"

"Silly Amuse-" the readers started saying, but the author cut them off by throwing Martha Stewart at them.

"STOP..SAYING..SILLY!" Silver Strife screamed, causing all of the readers to run away crying…and not reviewing.
The movie kept on going through all of those boring parts, until the reached the place with the food. Yes. Indeed. Chihiro's dad got on all four hands and feet, and sniffed like a dog until they got to the food.

"FOOD!" he squealed, flopping on the floor like a fish.

"Wow. This is a place with really funky food that REALLY doesn't look like food," Chihiro commented. Their parents started to do Mexican clapping games, and eating.

"SNORT!" screamed her dad, even though he didn't actually um...snort?

"Chihiro! EAT THIS FOOD!" her mother demanded.

"No! Some chef dude is going to run out here with a butcher knife and get mad at us and, and, and chop off our nose so we will be like Michael Jackson ::quiet sob::" Chihiro replied. Her parents ignored her, and continued to act like pigs. Chihiro shrugged -_-; and ran off to the bridge.

"A TRAIN! HAPPY! FUN! WOWZER CABOOTLES!" she said, pointing to indeed, a train.

A weird dude with blue hair, known as Haku, ran out of the bathhouse with a ski cap on and holding a bag of stolen money.

"O_O;; YOU DID NOT SEE THAT! ::takes mask off:: YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE! GET ACROSS THE RIVER BEFORE THE CREEPY AUTHOR COMES AND CHANGES IT FROM MORNING TO NIGHT! I'LL DISTRACT THEM!" he yelled, stuffing the money into his pants pockets.

"WTF?!" screamed Chihiro, running insanley, as DarkStri changed the setting from the afternoon to night.

Haku did the super spiffy thing where he blows rose petals..or whatever he does. Yeah. Which is awesome. Cookies for Haku. ::hands Haku a cookie::

Chihiro ran to where her parents where.

"MOM! DAD!" she wailed. But to her misfortune, her parents had morphed into those plastic toys you get in your happy meal at McDonalds.

"O____O AHHHHHH! MY PARENTS ARE CHOKEABLE FOR CHILDREN 3 YEARS OLD OR YOUNGER! ::dramatic pause::" Chihiro said in a dramatic voice, as spirits surrounded her. She ran off, screaming.

"I'M DREAMING! I'M DREAMING! I'm like a bird, gonna fly away. I dunno where my home is, I dunno where my soul is, bu- wait. What the..?"

When Chihiro reached the river that her and her parents had earlier crossed, she realized the it was now a huge ocean filled of those plastic balls at McDonalds. She gasped in horror, as a giant ice cream truck with spirits on it approached the land.

She tried to cover her eyes, but she realized that her arms had shrunken. Looking at her reflection, she started to cry.

"HOLY CRUD, I'M TURNING INTO A TODDLER," she sobbed, running to a near by bridge. The blue-haired teenager from before sighed, and walked up to her.

"o_O; I'm Haku. I'M YO FRIEND! ::silence::You have to eat a special food if you want to stay your age here. ::hands her food::" Chihiro put it into her mouth, and quickly spit it out.

"THIS ISN'T FOOD, IT'S HILLARY DUFF!"

"LYK OMG SPIRITED AWAY IZ SOO YESTADAY AND IM JUST A GIRL AND I'M GONN-" the annoying teen pop star combusted into flames.

"^_^;; Um. How'd that get there…n_n;; ::hands her an ice cream cone:: Silly me!"

"Silly Haku!" the readers said.

Chihiro ate it, and morphed back into a 10 year old.

"Follow me. When you cross the bridge, you have to be sure to sing an annoying song. Just choose one, or the spirits will see you and throw plush toys at you," Haku warned, as they started walking onto the bridge.

"Er, I mean, um..IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFFFTEEERRR ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL! IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!" Chihiro sang merrily, as Haku put on earmuffs.

Then, an evil frog jumped up to him.

"HAKKKKU!! YUBABA WANTS TA SEE YOU!" he said in his evil-like evil-frog evil-voice.

"Lemme guess, it's about the new triple deluxe hamburger, right?" Haku estimated.

As they reached the half-way mark, Chihiro could no longer bear to sing that dreaded song. The spirits around her gasped. Haku grabbed her by the wrist, and started running.

"Look, you have to get a job if you want to stay here. If you don't, Yubaba will turn you into a plastic toy. You have to go down the weird ladder thing, and into the boiler room. There, you will meet a creepy spider dude named Kimanji and you will need to ask him for a job. He may refuse, but insist. Hurry, and don't make any loud noises. I need to get back to the McDonald's now. Good luck," he spoke seriously, running back into the fast food place.