Sports Fan Fiction / Other Fan Fiction ❯ 'WWF Coliseum Video Review #1' ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

`Randy “Macho Man” Savage and Elizabeth'

~ IT BEGAN OVER 5 000 YEARS AGO WHEN CIVILIZATION

WAS YOUNG… God, I love that intro. All the computer special effects

and licensed music from rock bands in the world can't compare to the

awe that intro still gives me to this day. Some may call it cheesy

and over the top, but considering a somewhat recent Royal Rumble

promo had sumo wrestlers in diapers and midget cowboys, cheesy is a
relative term.

~ Your host is Mean Gene Okerlund.

~ Hulk Hogan v. Rusty Brooks -- Hogan has the white tights on so he

hasn't quite settled into the talentless, three move wonder we all

know and loathe. Savage is stalking Hogan outside the ring and sends

in Elizabeth during the introductions to ask Hulk why he won't

wrestle anyone with credentials. What, and have somebody expose him

for a talentless, three move wonder even SOONER? For shame. As Hogan

ponders the question, Rusty attempts to jog his memory with a few

punches to the head. Gee, you'd think after being insulted by

Elizabeth, Rusty would attack her or Savage but I guess he had a

match to win. Mere seconds later, Hulk makes the comeback, closeline,

slam, legdrop, pin. Savage then leaps into the ring and lays in the

shots to Hogan from behind but Hogan manages to fight him off… for

now.

~ Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v. Hulk Hogan -- This entire match is on

`Best of the WWF Vol. 7' but unfortunately we're JIP here as Savage

is busted wide open. Looks to be about a .6 Muta. A big boot has

Savage kissing the canvas before he's thrown outside to the exposed

floor. Hogan then goes outside and attempts to ramrod Savage into the

post only to be foiled by Elizabeth until Savage recovers enough to

shove Hogan into the post himself, roll back into the ring… and beat

the count! HA! Of course Hogan accepts the loss with the spirit and

grace of a true champion by attacking the downed and bleeding Savage

until the job squad manages to pull them apart. And SAVAGE was
considered the heel in this feud?

~ Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v. Hulk Hogan -- This is a Lumberjack

Match to apparently prevent Savage from getting yet another cheap

countout victory. So let me get this straight… because Savage

managed to thwart Hogan's attempt to smash him into the post by

beating him to the punch and get his ass back into the ring in time

for the win, it's unfair to HOGAN? You know, Jack Tunney may
have been a far more dignified president than Vince McMahon but

between shit like this, the Killer Bee and Machine mask controversies

and reinstating Danny Davis as a referee, I'm amazed the guy wasn't

facing impeachment hearings by 1989.

But back to the match. Hogan, role model to children everywhere,

blindsides Savage before the bell rings and brains him repeatedly

with the championship belt. Yeah, I know Savage probably did that

to Hogan first in previous matches but that's why he's the HEEL.

Hogan's ribs are taped up as this match took place after he was

assaulted by Muraco and Bundy before Wrestlemania 2 so of course

Hogan effortlessly lands a back suplex on Savage with no ill effects,
forcing Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes to scramble for an

explanation on how he could do that with sore ribs. Yeesh.

Hogan sends Savage outside but it's the good side so they refrain

from laying in the cheap shots as Hogan rolls him back in. Nice to

see SOME babyfaces not sinking to the heel's level. A deliberate

choke and bearhug by Hogan follow before Savage is sent crashing

into the corner. An atomic drop and then Hogan is tripped by Bundy

and Muraco outside, prompting him to go outside and deliver a cheap

shot of his own. Savage soon gains control with an eyerake and a

running knee to the ribs as Hogan FINALLY decides to sell his

previous Bundy induced injuries. Axehandle and 2 count for Savage.

He throws Hogan outside to the bad side as they lay in the beating.

Amusingly, the good side doesn't seem to be trying very hard to save

Hogan as Bundy delivers an avalanche before rolling him back into the

ring. But Savage says it isn't enough and rolls Hogan back out for

seconds and Bundy obliges him with another avalanche. Hey, I'm

starting to like this match.

Savage lays in the boots, following with a axehandle and closeline

for a 2 count. Savage rips off the bandages and kicks him, kicks him,

kicks him like a dog before following with an axehandle to the ribs

for a 2 count. Knee and elbow drop each get 2 as Savage continues

to focus on the ribs. Then Savage goes up for the flying elbow and

nails it. But it only gets a one count as Hogan IMITATES A FISH,

thus magically regaining all his energy before beating the tar out of

Savage. Savage tries to regain control with an eye-rake but gets
thrown into the ropes and tripped by lumberjack George `The Animal'

Steele, enabling Hogan to drop the leg for the win. Hogan then shows

his appreciation to George by… making fun of him. What a jerk.

~ TNT Interview: Say It With Flowers. Vince tries to ask Elizabeth

about how she feels being ogled by wrestlers and fans alike. Savage,

as usual, won't let her answer as he takes his frustrations out on a

WWF Magazine before calling attention to the slogan on his T-shirt,

`Hulk Who?'. I'd buy that for a dollar. Hell, I'd buy several and

pass `em out to total strangers. The show is soon interrupted by a

chauffeur… oh, wait, it's just a delivery guy about THIRTY YEARS

behind the times with a gift-wrapped box for Miss Elizabeth. This

leads to the most disturbing moment on the tape as Vince

*inadvertently* makes a risqué comment involving Elizabeth and Alfred

Hayes… dude, that's just wrong in SO many ways. The box contains

roses but when Savage demands a card Elizabeth fails to find one.

Vince then decides to stir up trouble again (2nd only to Scheme Gene)

by observing that the packing material in the box is actually

turnbuckle stuffing, leading to one obvious suspect…

~ WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v.

George `The Animal' Steele w/Capt. Lou Albano -- Ahh, you just don't

see sequined dresses like Elizabeth's anymore. As Savage jaws with

the fans, George attempts to court Elizabeth by copping a feel of her

evening gloves, first with his hands, then his head and finally his

nose. Sexy.

But before George can get her to tell him about the rabbits, Albano

leads him away as a pissed off Savage puts Elizabeth back in her

place with yelling and grabbing of the chin. He's a macho man, don't

you know? George quickly puts a stop to that by wiggling his flabby

arms and driving Savage out of the ring. Vince calls this technique

`unorthodox', I call it `really fucking dumb' as Savage renters the

ring and George flaps his hands like a hummingbird to drive him out

again. Maybe this match should be played in slow motion and set to
ballet music? Actually, I could think of quite a few matches where

such a technique could only be an improvement. Imagine Giant Gonzales

v. Undertaker set to `The Nutcracker'? Or a Sid match set to

`Pagliacci'? Certainly couldn't make them much worse.

Back to the match, they lock up and George bites the arm before

sending Savage out to the floor. Savage tries to take control in the

ring but is soon forced outside again, giving him the opportunity to

pull the old `Hide behind Elizabeth's skirt' routine to escape. In

the ring, George hits a slam and then it's LUNCHTIME as he goes for

the turnbuckle. A stuffing assisted eyerake sends Savage to the

outside as Ventura demands a DQ. But George doesn't capitalize as

he just can't resist gawking at Elizabeth. And really, can you blame

the big lug? Savage takes advantage of the distraction with an

axehandle and gets the pin. Savage then carries off Elizabeth over

his shoulder as a lovelorn George looks on. Ah, we've all been there,

George.

~ Macho Lifestyles: At home with Randy Savage and Elizabeth: Mean

Gene stands outside the estate of Randy Savage and meets up with a

pair of newlyweds, taking special care to note that the young man

isn't bad looking. Ooooo-kay. It turns out the wife made her husband

promise to take her to see Randy Savage before they went on their

honeymoon, even going as far to make it part of the terms of

marriage. And indeed, when Savage's limo arrives, the wife sprints

after him leaving her befuddled husband and a simply AGHAST Mean

Gene behind.

~ Cut to poolside as Mean Gene is led into the grounds by the lovely

Elizabeth in a bathing suit. It's not a bikini but still appreciated.

Elizabeth keeps her answers short and to the point, probably because

she's used to rarely getting a word in edgewise. We learn that

Savage's estate is seventeen acres at the time of this interview as

we meet up with Randy during his workout and he immediately takes

over. Savage describes the three strives of man `Pleasure, Power and

Possession.' He has Elizabeth for pleasure (lucky bastard) and plenty
of possessions but he still seeks the power of Hulk Hogan and the

World Heavyweight Championship. Can't say I blame him considering

the shit Hogan gets away with. According to Savage, Hulkamania is

dead and Macho Madness is more seductive than sex. Elizabeth agrees

with this sentiment, with help from Savage. Gene then reaches past

Savage with the microphone to ask Elizabeth some sports questions,

driving Savage nuts until he ominously asks if Gene's arm is getting

tired from reaching over him.

Gene takes the hint and starts to ask Savage another question when

the phone rings. It's a national women's publication (so you know it

must be big) offering a half million dollars for Savage to pose for

their centerfold. Moments later, a Japanese promoter offers four

hundred thousand dollars for Savage to wrestle three of his men. Is

there some kind of inside joke here that I'm not privy to? Anyway,

Savage turns both offers down as he refuses to sell out until he's

won the Heavyweight title. That's actually somewhat noble for a heel.

Gene then brings up the couple from the beginning and when the wife

in question is found in his pool, he tells Elizabeth to call security

while apologizing to the girl for breaking up her two second marriage

with his Macho Madness.

~ WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Tito Santana v. Randy Savage

w/Elizabeth -- We're joined in progress as Savage nails Tito with an

elbow but misses with a knee, injuring it. Tito further softens it up

before applying the figure four. Savage is in agony as he struggles

to turn it over and finally does, forcing Tito to break it. Savage

tries to go down into his tights but gets caught with a punch and

suplexed back into the ring. Tito goes for the figure four and
Savage kicks free but Tito is relentless as he goes for it again,

only to be pushed away by the referee as Savage is in the ropes,

giving Savage the change to reach into his tights for a foreign

object. He swings it at Tito but misses as Tito sets him up for a

back suplex but Savage manages to nail him with the object on the

way down. Savage collapses on Tito for the three count and the title

to a HUGE pop. Sorry Tito, I guess the fans were ready for a change.
Savage then immediately rolls the object out of the ring when the

referee isn't looking. Savage used this exact same method to defeat

Ricky Steamboat in the semi-finals of `The Wrestling Classic'

tournament. I would have liked to have seen the entire match but

it's good for historical value.

~ The Body Shop: Jessie's guest is the Macho Man as he praises Savage

for getting the drop on Chico. Savage is wearing a shirt with the

slogan `I'm The Champ' for the occasion. Between this and forgetting

who Hogan is, the guy has some serious short term memory issues.

Savage demands praise from Elizabeth and gets it so he offers to let

her hold the belt but changes his mind just as quickly. `Champion's

prerogative', Jessie explains as Savage echoes that sentiment.

~ WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v. Tito

Santana -- This would be the first rematch between these two. I would

complain about it being joined in progress again but the reason for

this becomes clear as the tape goes on. Tito is a house of fire as he

works over Savage before going for the figure four but an eye gouge

stops that in a hurry. A seemingly exhausted Savage goes outside to

take a breather only to sucker punch Tito when he goes in for the

kill. Back in the ring, Tito manages to hit a cross-body on the

rebound and then locks on the figure four, making sure Savage is

stuck in the center of the ring this time. Savage thrashes about for

several moments before deciding to save his title by grabbing the

referee and shoving him into Tito, drawing the cheap DQ. When Tito

is announced as the winner, the crowd goes apeshit and even Tito

looks thrilled causing Monsoon to wonder if he forgot that titles

don't change hands on a DQ. And indeed Tito is shocked as The Fink

clues him and the crowd in.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v. Tito

Santana. -- No DQ stipulations for this match. It's JIP time as

Savage throws Tito out of the ring but gets caught with a punch and

rammed into a chair. Tito follows with a… um… jumping head vice?

But Savage turns the tide with a double cross. Back in the ring,

Tito blocks a suplex so Savage switches to a swinging neckbreaker

for a 2 count. Savage works Tito over with more kicks but misses a
chairshot. Savage tries to nail him with an axehandle but gets caught

coming down with a chairshot to the gut. Ouch, that looked painful.

Tito pulls Savage back into the ring for a 2 count. Tito pounds away

on Savage as he bails and then Tito lands a forearm from the apron

before following with a shot to the barricade and the announce table.

Tito takes another page out of Savage's book by going airborne with

a elbow to Savage's head and goes for the figure four but gets an

eyerake for his trouble.

Savage and Tito get into a slugfest outside and Savage gets posted,

busting him open and knocking him silly. Savage manages to struggle

back into the ring and they have another slugfest which ends with

Savage nailing the referee. Savage throws Tito into the ropes but

gets caught with the Flying Jalapeno. Tito goes for the cover but

the ref is still out. Tito desperately tries to revive him while

keeping Savage down. It doesn't work as Savage catches him with a
knee to the back. Savage then goes for a slam but it's reversed into

a rollup but Savage reverses THAT into a rollup with a handful of

tights and gets the lucky pin. The announcers seem to be unaware

that the match was no DQ as they berate the referee for not

disqualifying Savage when he was punched out. Still, it was a great

match.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Savage w/Elizabeth v. Tito

Santana. -- Well, at least my cut and paste button isn't feeling

neglected tonight. I like Tito but couldn't they have found one

house show where Savage wrestled Steamboat or included his match

with Dynamite Kid from `The Wrestling Classic'? Oh well. This match

has a special guest referee and it's none other than the living

legend Bruno Sammartino. And finally, the match looks to be starting

from the beginning or at least close to it. Tito works the arm and

Savage makes the ropes, only to be nailed off the apron. Savage

declares himself the winner on a DQ but Bruno just shoves his arm

down. Savage and Tito do a lock-up sequence with Savage getting

pissed off at Bruno while Bruno tells Savage to get out of his face.

Tito gets a surprise roll up but Savage grabs the ropes so there's no
count.

Axehandle soon follows, drawing Bruno's ire as Tito was in the ropes

at the time. Savage follows up with a running knee and then judo

flips him for a 2 count. Savage hits the sleeperhold and Tito

eventually powers out of it so Savage just tosses him outside. He

follows with an axehandle as Bruno yells at him to get back in the

ring. Savage does so but then goes out again and delivers another

shot to Tito, just to be a dick.

Back in the ring, Savage drops the knee for 2. Tito comes back and

they collide in the center of the ring. Savage recovers first and

goes for another axehandle but Tito catches him with a shot in the

breadbasket and tosses him outside, laying in the boots. Back in,

more boots by Tito and a back drop. Tito goes for the figure four

but Savage escapes and catches him with a knee in the corner for 2.

Tito hits a small package for 2, hits some shots and goes for the

figure four again to no avail as Savage kicks away. Savage hits a

suplex for 2 but Tito reverses an atomic drop into the figure four!

Unfortunately, the cruel hand of fate seems to have it in for Tito as

Adrian Adonis, dressed in drag, climbs into the ring and nails Bruno

from behind with a kick before splashing Tito. Adrian tosses Tito

outside but gets caught with a slam by Bruno. Savage nails Bruno

from behind with an axehandle and then he teams up with Adrian to

deliver a slingshot closeline as the crowd litters the ring with

crap. Tito manages to make the save with a chair as an incensed

Bruno gives the DQ victory to Tito before taking his frustrations

out on Adrian's wig.

~ Randy Savage w/Elizabeth & Adrian Adonis w/Jimmy Hart v. Tito

Santana and Bruno Sammartino -- Well, I guess Tito's out of

Intercontinental contention at this point and all that's left is the

grudge match, poor guy. Bruno and Tito clean house on Savage

with fast tags and then bring in Adonis for more of the same. Tito

blows a cross body for 2 but Adonis regains control with a suplex
and tags in Savage who gets pummeled by Bruno.

Tito then nails Savage with a chair to give Bruno a 2 count. Adonis

is tagged back in and slams Tito then goes for a flying splash but

Tito gets the knees up. Savage is tagged in but Tito manages to tag

Bruno and it turns into a slugfest outside that ends with Savage

nailing Bruno from the top and rolling back into the ring to for the

countout victory. Not a bad match but unfortunately, the final

blowoff tag match to this feud, taking place inside a steel cage, was

saved for the `Inside The Steel Cage' tape and that one was MUCH

more exciting than this one with Savage bleeding like a stuck pig by

the end of it which, after seeing Tito cheated over and over on this

tape, was rather satisfying to witness even if Savage remained the

champ.

Final Thoughts: Well, if you like early WWF Savage, you'll LOVE this

tape. Even the less compelling stuff is worth a look and I

wholeheartedly recommend this tape to rent or buy if you're lucky

enough to come across a copy.