Sports Fan Fiction ❯ Punishment ❯ Home Again ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
He stopped. He didn't want to stop, he wanted to run. To be as isolated as he possibly could be. He wanted to hide. He didn't want Tony to see him, to see how dirty he'd become. He wanted to run and never stop running.
But he stopped.
"Please don't run away," Tony's voice eased closer to him, "Please. Please just let me help you. We always said we could get through anything as long as we were together. So please, please let me help you. You can lean on me, Kase, you can count on me. I promise."
His knees buckled. He desperately wanted to believe. He wanted to feel normal again, to feel safe, but most of all, to feel clean. He wanted to fall into Tony, but he couldn't.
"You don't understand," he whispered, "You can't ever understand."
"I do understand, Kase, I understand more than you will ever know. What happened wasn't your fault. None of it," he took Kasey's chin in his hand and tilted it up.
Tears filled Kasey's eyes. He so wanted to believe that Tony understood, but he simply could not. Though Tony might have seen what happened, he wasn't there. He could never understand the violation.
And yet...
There was something in Tony's eyes he had never seen before. A spark of recognition he had never noticed. He realized in an instant that Tony wasn't simply sad for his lover, but sad for himself. For the first time he realized that, at some point in his life, Tony had suffered the very same fate.
"Oh, god, Tony," he broke down, his knees buckled, and he dropped to the floor.
It took no more than a second for Tony to sink down with him, to gather him up in his arms, "It's the past, sweetheart. It's all the past. I survived what happened and so have you. God, Kase, you are so much stronger than you realize. Do you have any idea what it takes to survive something like that? The average person couldn't. And before you say it, there is nothing dirty about you. Nothing."
His body shook with the weight of his lover's words. Tears that had been a slow trickle down his cheeks became a desperate sob. His body wracked with the pain of knowledge. He had been able to feel nothing but unclean from the moment his body first gave over. But now Tony, the man he loved more than life itself, the one who knew, who understood only too well what Kasey was going through, he was making it as clear as he possibly could that he had never been, and would never be, dirty.
"It's okay, Kase, I promise you that it's all going to be okay," Tony whispered against his ear as he rocked him gently.
From the moment Kasey's ordeal had begun, he'd convinced himself that nothing would ever be okay again. In Tony's arms, hearing his words, knowing his truth, for the first time he felt as though his world was right again. As though he was going to be alright.
He turned his eyes to Tony, their shine slowly returning, "I love you so much, Tony."
But he stopped.
"Please don't run away," Tony's voice eased closer to him, "Please. Please just let me help you. We always said we could get through anything as long as we were together. So please, please let me help you. You can lean on me, Kase, you can count on me. I promise."
His knees buckled. He desperately wanted to believe. He wanted to feel normal again, to feel safe, but most of all, to feel clean. He wanted to fall into Tony, but he couldn't.
"You don't understand," he whispered, "You can't ever understand."
"I do understand, Kase, I understand more than you will ever know. What happened wasn't your fault. None of it," he took Kasey's chin in his hand and tilted it up.
Tears filled Kasey's eyes. He so wanted to believe that Tony understood, but he simply could not. Though Tony might have seen what happened, he wasn't there. He could never understand the violation.
And yet...
There was something in Tony's eyes he had never seen before. A spark of recognition he had never noticed. He realized in an instant that Tony wasn't simply sad for his lover, but sad for himself. For the first time he realized that, at some point in his life, Tony had suffered the very same fate.
"Oh, god, Tony," he broke down, his knees buckled, and he dropped to the floor.
It took no more than a second for Tony to sink down with him, to gather him up in his arms, "It's the past, sweetheart. It's all the past. I survived what happened and so have you. God, Kase, you are so much stronger than you realize. Do you have any idea what it takes to survive something like that? The average person couldn't. And before you say it, there is nothing dirty about you. Nothing."
His body shook with the weight of his lover's words. Tears that had been a slow trickle down his cheeks became a desperate sob. His body wracked with the pain of knowledge. He had been able to feel nothing but unclean from the moment his body first gave over. But now Tony, the man he loved more than life itself, the one who knew, who understood only too well what Kasey was going through, he was making it as clear as he possibly could that he had never been, and would never be, dirty.
"It's okay, Kase, I promise you that it's all going to be okay," Tony whispered against his ear as he rocked him gently.
From the moment Kasey's ordeal had begun, he'd convinced himself that nothing would ever be okay again. In Tony's arms, hearing his words, knowing his truth, for the first time he felt as though his world was right again. As though he was going to be alright.
He turned his eyes to Tony, their shine slowly returning, "I love you so much, Tony."