Sports Fan Fiction ❯ Punishment ❯ Comfort ( Chapter 9 )

Rain soaked. Until that very moment in time, he had never understood what it meant to be rain soaked. Standing outside, unable to move, drenched by water that fell from the sky, he was not only soaked by the rain. He had become soaked by his own overwhelming pain.

He wanted to die. He was desperate to die. He was alone in the world, he had no one, and he had nothing. He wanted his life to end. But that had not happened.

He had planned to step into oncoming traffic as he left the hospital, but had, instead, climbed into his car and started to drive. How he had ended up standing in the rain outside of this door, he was completely uncertain. Though he knew he should at least ring the doorbell, he could not even bring himself to lift his hand.

"Jamie?" a voice questioned from just inside the doorway and he lifted his head.

He was suddenly reminded why it had been this place he had come to. Comfort stood but a few feet from him. Here he would be safe. Safe from the demons that haunted him. Safe from his fear of being alone. Here he would not be allowed to falter.

"Kasey..."his voice trailed into a torrent of tears and he nearly collapsed.

A pair of strong arms surrounded Jamie and he fell into them. He allowed himself to be carried into the house, into the bathroom. He uttered not a word as the clothes that had become rain drenched were removed. Though he watched as the bath was filled, he could not bring himself to move. Numbness had washed over him again and he cared not to feel anything. Ever again.

"Jamie, sweetheart, I'm going to sit you in the tub," the recognition of Tony's voice registered in his mind and he looked up from his feet, "The water is as close to hot as Kase could get it. We need to warm you up."

A very small smile creased the corners of his mouth. The gentleness with which Tony handled him would have overwhelmed nearly anyone. As his body was settled into the heated water of the bath, he jumped slightly. His skin was still so cold and the warmth that now surrounded him was shocking.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tony and Kasey step towards the door. "Wait," his voice rang loudly in his ears and he winced, "Please, please don't leave. I...I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone, Jamie, I promise," Kasey knelt beside the tub.

The tears came again. They flowed freely down his cheeks. He had lost everything. His whole world resided in his love for Casey, without him, there was nothing. He cried for all that was gone from his life because of his own appetites. He sobbed unabashedly, barely feeling the arms that surrounded him.

"It's okay, Jamie, cry all you want. It's going to be okay," Tony spoke softly against the back of his neck.

With a start, he realized that he was no longer alone in the warmth of the water. There were strong arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. Slowly, he raised his head to see a pair of bright blue eyes staring back at him. They had both climbed into the tub with him and were doing their best to ease his pain.

More tears flowed. They had their own pain to deal with. Kasey had been just as brutalized as Casey, and yet, he was trying to comfort a friend. Trying to make Jamie's world better if even for a moment. He felt his head swim slightly and leaned into Tony.

"We're going to take care of you, Jamie," Kasey's voice was soft and low, "I promise."

“B-but, Casey...He's...He's going to be alone. He-he doesn't w-want me around," he heard himself start blubbering and quickly shut up.

Tony's nose nuzzled his neck gently, "He just needs to sort out his life, Jamie. Casey's always been that way, you know that. When it's straight in his mind, he'll come back to you."

The sound of Tony's voice was so soft, so gentle, and so certain. Jamie almost believed, for a moment, that he would get his Casey back. He wanted to believe it. He was desperate to believe it. But he had seen the blame in Casey's eyes.

"He blames me," he whispered, "Because he, he...because..."

He couldn't force himself to say the words. It was because of him that Casey had not only been violated, but that his body experienced release when it was. He had convinced himself that Casey would never be able to forgive him for that.

"So did I, Jamie," Kasey whispered, his eyes slightly downcast.

Jamie could not hide the shock on his face. It had been the same with Kasey. He felt a momentary relief was over him, and then felt disgust. The Voice was tearing them apart, piece by piece. First his best friend, then his lover. He brushed the tears harshly from his eyes and growled in frustration.

"There is no point in anger, now, Jamie. Believe me. I was angry too, but it doesn't do any good," Tony squeezed him gently; "You have to get past that anger. You have to heal just as much as Casey does. And that won't happen if you stay angry."

He sagged slightly, knowing that Tony was right. There was so much healing to be done, and yet none of it could occur if his anger overtook him and didn't let go. With a soft sigh, he allowed himself to relax in Tony's arms, and took one of Kasey's hands in his own.

There were no words to truly express what he felt. Nothing that could encompass how grateful he was to have both men in his life. Caring for him. "Thank you," he sighed and bit back more tears, "I love you guys."

"We love you, too, Jamie," Kasey smiled softly.