[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Covalent Bonds

Chapter 36

I must admit, I'm curious if sex will feel different, now that I know what's happened to me. Let's try something like we did on Gelgelar.  Like last time when we had to be quiet, mmmmm ... in Threxa's boarding house ... it's like a secret between just us two when we're like this, do it some more, Anakin ... ohhhh ... This was what they had done when rooming with Six and his brothers.  All the squad stretched and yawned at the same time each night, all five fell asleep with little variation in their roles of disaffected deserters. And in that guise of datarie-pinching necessity, the officers had bunked with their troops. Somehow the giddy deception of one Jedi sneaking into another's bunk for a few hours of enforced claustrophobia added to his desire. Several times Obi-Wan had bitten his knuckles hard enough to bleed when stifling a moan, certain he would soon hear a gruff, "Keep it down!", which, under the circumstances, he most certainly did not want to do. He squirmed in his Council seat this warm summer afternoon as if the roothairs were still attacking him and jerked himself away from his fantasy about tonight as Anakin's voice percolated into his consciousness. Unifying Force, let me alone.

"Artoo could help us."

"He's a droid." Ki-Adi-Mundi's conservative Cerean prejudice against mechanical devices came to the fore.

"That's why he could help us. He could be shipped as a bonus surprise from JediNow! on Palo's part, an incentive for business, a recognition of Dooku's stature, I don't know. Watto used to groom his marks with small free things like that sometimes." Watto, I never thought I'd use your business tactics. Mom always said that things could be much worse when were were enslaved. I suppose she was right, as always.

Yoda said slowly, "Insight, you have to the outside world from a different level than other Jedi. Humbled, I am." Nearer to Knighthood than he thinks he is.

The day is coming when I shall have to let my Padawan go. I hope it hurts less than I think it will. Next to Obi-Wan, Ki-Adi-Mundi concentrated with both brains, his head pulsing in that way that it had. The Cerean was about to say something, Obi-Wan could tell.

"This method uses both Dark and Light sides of the Force. I admit to being puzzled."

"It's called a 'white lie,' Master Ki. It pushes a customer to think favorably of a merchant, so that when he next needs a product or service, he'll think of that merchant," Anakin brought Ki-Adi-Mundi up to speed on their latest ploy to enter Dooku's sphere. Master Yoda leaned away from allowing any more Jedi in on their plan, and Padmé made the number of their think tank an even six, counting Artoo. Artifact Number Six of nearly forty-eight thousand artifacts rested in its cover in the middle of the Council chamber floor, along with boxes of signed special edition Jedi holocards, from Initiate Mimo who could barely scrawl her name to Yoda himself, whose calligraphy was hardly better. Anakin thought of the hopes invested in these items with more gravity than he had ever experienced. No more fighting in fullscale battles, after Grievous is brought to justice, that is. Peace will take some getting used to.
 
Booodleybeepbeepdeyeeee? Artoo's dome swiveled from Anakin beside him to the four seated occupants of the grand chamber. Padmé voiced her concern.

"Masters, Healer Unduli's suggestion of a drug to alter their metabolisms disturbs me. Couldn't this subterfuge all be done by using the Force to suppress their lifesigns? Drugs need constant monitoring to dose correctly and they'll both be far from sympathetic hands ... "

She's smart and is thinking of us both. I'll talk to her later. "Your Excellency, the technique of deadening one's body to outside recognition is beyond my Padawan's abilities at this time. It is something I myself have never used in the field. For us to depend upon it, given the gravity of the mission, would be unwise." 'Disastrous,' I nearly said, 'Disastrous.'

I thought it was easier than that. Oh. "Forgive me if I misspoke. I know little about the Force, much less your techniques." Anakin said that Obi-Wan was holding him back, but was it because Obi-Wan simply did not know some things? Anakin respects and loves his Master so, perhaps he thinks of him as infallible. Or omniscient. Padmé thought of swimming in clearer intellectual waters with Enri, and sighed. "This is complex, gentlebeings, but not impossible. Yoda's, pardon me, Master Yoda's insight into Dooku's personality has led us to this plan and now it comes to implementation."She stood to emphasize her authority and to leave a seat where her feet dangled, making her feel like a child. One hand outstretched, head up, look each in the eyes. "All of us here in this chamber constitute the best hope that the Republic has for ending this war, and even though it sounds prideful, it is the truth. We shall do what we must, and prevail."

Warm feelings, yes, but back to business, Yoda. "Padmé, your world's NabooExpress, promise delivery in two full Standard days, they do. Pressure suits complete with helmets, these two warriors will use and to depend upon the terentatek strips for Force-insulation, enough that will be. When Dooku himself opens his prize alone, and know he will attempt this, I do, then the outcome will depend on the Force. Allies among his household, the formidable Jedi-killer, Grievous, all these will come into play at that moment." Yoda produced an ampoule from his robe so quickly that no one could swear to its origin. Padmé shivered. "Soporific drugs then may prevail over the Count of Serenno. Customized from his prior medical records here, Master Unduli says, though the details of this assignment she knows not."

"And our escape depends upon Anakin's acting ability." Obi-Wan beamed a smile full of confidence at his Padawan's competence. "Disguised as Dooku, he shall walk Dooku out of his own estate secured senseless in the carpet and onto the stalled delivery ship, which he will 'repair.' The scheme shall be to have Anakin as Dooku act the enraged customer who has been bilked and demands an immediate return in person of the misrepresented goods."

"Won't that be risky for the delivery pilot? They might get thrown into danger -- " Padmé tore her gaze from Obi-Wan's scruff of beard to Ki-Adi-Mundi's formidable cranium. She found herself thinking of a Nubian's smooth cheeks, wide smile and massaging fingers. That's danger, of a different kind.

"It's all droid pilots for that sector. Everyone else fears Dooku's unpredictability. NabooExpress has had pilots drop out of sight after runs to Serenno, so droids are the best option for their company." Ki-Adi-Mundi's left brain already had worked upon its vast knowledge of sector-specific details even as his right brain speculated on which preparations two human Jedi would need to stay immobile in what would be their final resting place should the mission go awry. Various unpleasant bodily function repressors needed, one of them must stay conscious all the time, no, not a mission for regular Knights. I'm content to be a run-of-the-mill Knight. Ki-Adi-Mundi's topknot bobbed as he activated his corpus callosum more fully and an un-Jedi-like thought swam through from left to right brain. After Dooku's capture, I want Grievous for myself. Hypori will be avenged.
 
"And you, Master Jedi?" Padmé halted before Obi-Wan's seat. She tilted her head downwards and as Obi-Wan looked up into her concerned gaze, he knew why Anakin found her attractive for so many years. "You shall be where?"

"The droid will tug the delivery case along and I shall be inside it, ready to defend our escape if necessary, Your Excellency. Our mission is utmost in importance, but not at the expense of my Padawan's safety, rest assured." She probably has residual feelings for him. I would, if our situations were reversed.

I like roll-up sandwiches, but not that much! Dooku wrapped inside the carpet, Obi-Wan outside that, the case holding them both. Consternation flooded Padmé. If the Republic lost two such talented and high-profile Jedi, in addition to the average toll of one death in the Order per Standard day, the demoralizing factor would cripple the war effort.

When Padmé looked aghast, Anakin said quickly, "Your Excellency, we are Jedi. We are used to tight entrances and swift action, erm -- "

"What my Padawan means to say, Your Excellency, is that we will not pull out before our mission comes to a successful climax, erm -- "

"Get the job done, they will, Padmé," finished Yoda. He nodded at the group. "Finished, we are. May The Force Be With Us."

Later that night ...

After the first drink of the evening had gone straight to Anakin's head, something told him to confide in Obi-Wan about his Telling-Upsetting-News kata. Obi-Wan countered with one of his own: Tell the news in a moving vehicle. Tell it in an undertone, so the other person needs to be very quiet in order to hear. Do it once only. Allow for processing time. When Anakin spluttered his next drink all over his next-best tunic and had to change into his tattered watching-holovids outfit, Obi-Wan regretted not practicing his own kata. He continued preparing dinner to give his hands something to do and because it was his turn.

"So," Anakin choked, "let me get this straight. Something charged your midichlorians on Olanet, maybe the Force, you don't know. And on Kaer Orbital Platform, in response to Spaarti cloning radiation, those same charged midichlorians enabled your immune system, which has always been the bane of your allergy-riddled existence, to finally fuck you royally and create a uterus in you."

"Language, Padawan, but yes, you've understood perfectly."

"I hate you."

"What?"

"I hate you, Obi-Wan Kenobi. How can you be so calm?"

Obi-Wan paused, deep in thought. "Because the Living Force that Qui-Gon tutored me in has led me to this pass. And besides, Luminara said it could have happened to you as much as to me in the same situation, since we're very much alike in some ways."

Anakin swallowed hard. You're the Master, you could handle this news much better. I'd be catatonic by now. "What more did Master Lu's preliminary findings show?"

"She says, like before on New Holstice, that my survival response to the unshielded aurora radiation that high up when I blacked out on Olanet supercharged my midichlorians. My immune system's cells used something called a somatic hypermutation mechanism to adapt to foreign elements which confront it, for instance, microbes such as the Trow mold. The mechanism diversifies the receptors that my immune system uses to recognize foreign elements. This allows my immune system to adapt its response to new threats during my lifetime." Obi-Wan took a large bite out of his appetizer zog. The pungent odor of the pickled vegetable filled the cozy kitchen. "This somatic hypermutation affects the variable regions of immunoglobulin genes and strangely enough for a mutation, affects only individual immune cells while the mutations are not passed along to any hypothetical offspring of mine." He looked sideways at Anakin and continued preparations for dinner.

"The way Siri and I were squished together" -- Anakin's mouth twisted -- "when the cloning radiation hit my unprotected midsection unidirectionally when we pressed so close and all" -- Anakin hissed impatiently -- "my system thought that she was an antigen invading my body because she was foreignly female. It prepared a defense. Fascinating, really." Obi-Wan's hands never slowed his prep work, Anakin saw, as the man chopped and diced, shredded and minced. Or was Obi-Wan just nervous and working out stress with physical activity? His shields said, "Privacy requested," as clearly as they ever had.

 

"The whole duplication of her organs can be considered a sort of tumor, one that Luminara can remove easily. She is anticipating writing an illustrated entry in Internal Journal. She says my innards will be famous as 'Jedi Aurek.' Siri will be 'Jedi Besh.' She's going to take holos while I am out cold." Obi-Wan selected a fileting knife and shaved strips of nerf from a chilled joint and returned the joint to the frosty cooling unit.

Yeah, Master Tachi was a germy threat, at that. "Offspring." Kids. "Nothing of her in any younglings of yours?"

"No. Her organs acted as a template for my system to form a cloned uterus and ovaries, prior to attacking it and purging it from my system, but the burst didn't last long enough to empower the purging stage. My own cell replicating mechanism did all the work. The cells evolved to, as Luminara put it, 'a thriving, healthy adult w-woman's generating organ.'" Obi-Wan tittered. "I've turned into a clone." He whacked at a tough section of tuber.

"I've said it before, but you're so serene, Obi-Wan." Anakin pushed off the island and leaned over it, resting his elbows on its spotless white tiles, lowering himself to match Obi-Wan's height. He didn't touch him, not yet.

"Well, it took a while to get centered, but when she said that if I got pregnant from our session in the tree that the baby could be extracted at the end of term without harming it, I felt much better. Pass the scrimpi, please."

This is just the way he is. Anakin coughed himself into a laugh. "Twins."

"What?"

"You -- We might have twins. My mom was a twin, and they're said to skip a generation." Anakin rolled a blumfruit on the hard tiles after handing Obi-Wan the scrimpi. He had to think hard not to splatter the fruit with his mechno-hand. He chose another vegetable knife and sliced the fruit in two, squeezing the half-globe in his metallic hand after removing its glove. Red juice and a little pulp ran into a clear bowl. The metal left an aftertaste when he licked his hand. "I never met my Uncle Shmoo, of course. He wasn't nice to Mom, she always said, even before the pirates enslaved them all that year, but then you know how younglings are at nine. Lots of demands for parents' attention, rivalries ... "

"No, I don't know, actually." Obi-Wan pressed the control for his beloved state-of-the-art oven, marking it to 'slow rise to median temperature, cut off ten minutes before done time, browning element activated.' "In the Initiates' Hall, we never lacked for attention, if we wanted it. It must be difficult to be a parent with multiples, without the Temple's resources. Stand back." Obi-Wan phased open the oven door, sliding the luscious casserole inside. "Thirty minutes, darling." Anakin wasn't certain if Obi-Wan were speaking to the casserole or himself. Obi-Wan wiped his hands and straightened. "What's that you're making?"

"Another before-dinner drink. A new recipe, a Coruscant Cooler. Want one?" The Kessel Survivor bartender whom Anakin had met at the Galaxies Opera House had been sending a few of her favorite drink recipes at his request, her gruff voice on the comm station elevating Obi-Wan's eyebrows, though he assiduously saved each message if Anakin weren't home. Anakin's interests had branched out to elaborate fruit-and-alcohol concoctions. There were seven steps to constructing a Coruscant Cooler, each level's ingredient calculated as to its specific gravity. It was the sort of engineering challenge that Anakin reveled in.

Obi-Wan, bemused, said slowly, "I'd better not chance it, don't you think?" And besides, drinking still doesn't appeal that much, after all this time. Where would I be now if I had continued escalating it?

Anakin strained the juice and added a shot of Gralish liqueur, making the mixture fizz when he added in the final wine layer to the very top of the crystal flute. It just missed bubbling over to make a mess. "I need one tonight." He took his flute and sauntered to the common room, putting his feet up on the lammaswood caf table. Obi-Wan joined him, leaning his head against the plush sofa's back. Their fingers entwined.

"What will we do if I am already -- " "As if this is something that could really hap-- " They managed to smile. "You first," Obi-Wan said.

"It's outrageous, Obi-Wan. The whole scheme, the whole idea that you could conceive." Anakin took a long pull on his drink. "Only you could come up with this. And share it with me."

It's not all that odd in the galaxy. "Hutts are intersexed, and the X'Ting change gender every three years or so."

"But they know what's coming! That makes all the difference, Obi-Wan!" Anakin tossed back his drink quicker than a samlon could leap a weir. "Tell me honestly, is this something that you thought would ever be in your life?" He twiddled the empty flute's stem rapidly between his fingers.

"Not for myself, no, but I like younglings, whether they are mine or not. This is merely an ... unusual thing to deal with at thirty-eight. It was a little nauseating to learn about the mechanics, I must admit. I was more upset that Luminara could have gotten the impression that I would imprint with Siri, that I would imprint with anyone other than you." Obi-Wan leaned into Anakin's shoulder.

"Nausea! But it's much too soon for that! What do you think made ... not yet, no, you can't be that sensitive ... "

"Calm down. Luminara pulled up this holo of what I look like inside now and it made me ... made me ... " Obi-Wan swallowed hard. "Just a little bit sick."

"How sick? Sicker than when I ate the bugs? Sicker than when I drove the speeder straight down Galactic City's buildings chasing Wesell? Sicker than when we overturned the bongo during spring full-bore tide? Sicker than -- "

"Stop! Just ... stop. Change the subject." Obi-Wan gulped. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Out through the mouth ... out through ... out ... drat ... He doubled over, but Anakin wasn't his Master's Padawan for nothing. He whisked one arm under Obi-Wan's knees and the other around his shoulders and Force-leaped into the 'fresher just in time. His flute went flying.

You Force-leaped, ohhhhh ... wrong thing to do, Padawan ... huuuuurrrggghhhhh ... After he'd finished, Anakin handed him tissues and Obi-Wan blew his nose thoroughly. "It's true?" Anakin squeaked.

"We don't know yet, and I refuse to speculate. It was all that talk about disgusting subjects that did it. I told you I was upset, why did you insist on -- "

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's gotten to me. We've been going through a rough patch and then all was okay again, the war has a hope of ending, the Code is changed, why can't we have some peace?" Anakin heard his whiny voice and didn't care. "It's not right, not f--"

"If you say 'it's not fair,' I'll spank you. I can still do it, pregnant or not." Obi-Wan reached for his most authoritarian tone. "Remember that." The effect was blunted by a post-emesis belch. They moved into their bedroom. The four-poster looked mighty inviting to Obi-Wan and he lay down after removing his slippersox. "Get me up when the timer goes off, will you? I want to sprinkle some Mrs. Flame on top of the casserole."

"But you -hic- h-hate Mrs. Flame!"

"Stop reading things into what I say! It just sounds tasty tonight, that's all." I'm not having cravings, I'm not, and anyway, Jedi do not hate.

"Well, you're acting like you have something in the oven, and I don't mean a casserole." Anakin dimmed the light and palmed the door closed on Obi-Wan's groan.

TBC

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