Star Wars - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Same song, Different Verse ❯ The first cracks ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Not that anyone cares but I just wanted to fix all the typos.

A/N: basic lightside story, some swearing, and maybe later some sexual innuendos. Comments are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: this story represents the official view of the voices in my head not anyone else, I don't only KOTOR 2 or the characters if I did Atton would be naked chopping wood the entire game.

Darkness swirled about her as the cold stabbed her body --> . Nothing seemed to be in focus, her mind, her muscles, her eyes, yet the impulse to run flowed through her[Author:MSOffice] . Hazy thoughts and images drifted in her mind but dissipated more quickly then they came. Her pounding heartbeat was deafening but her legs would not stop their excruciating pace. Explosions of light began to become frequent and the smell of sulfur and smoke filled her lungs. Finally her body gave out as she tumbled over the protruding rocks. She lay upon broken ground, breath haggard and knees trembling when at last she conjured a name for the feeling that strangled her; fear. She couldn't remember why, but every primal instinct told her to get up and keep running. The urge to escape beat against her chest was --> too painful to ignore[Author:MSOffice] , she had to get up, she had to go. The smoke thickened and the harsh cold was replaced with intense heat. Any concept of time vanished and her swift feet again began to fly.

Sounds now too saturated the air, crumbling masses and projectiles. Her mind began to focus as she desperately tried to remember anything,

`Where…run…am I? Why … running? Who…am… I?' her muscles began to burn and bile rose in her throat, `… name? faster… My name?' Her stupor was broken as a new sound rang through the dark --> .[Author:MSOffice]

“RAYLA!”

`Rayla?… yes…run… name…Rayla… move.' The panic quelled slightly for now at least she knew her name. The fact that she heard it from another source barely registered in her distorted mind until the voice called out a second time.

“Rayla!' --> [Author:MSOffice]

The voice was loud enough to block out her heart beat and the collapse of the world around her.

`I…run know that voice run… ….I know that voice………go where? move……voice… boy…hurt…run Rayla…..…voice.…go…' What her mind could not understand her body did, she had to find the voice. A new feeling stirred within, determination, and her feet tried to bring her to the emotion's subject.

“Still running after that fool?” a second voice vibrated against the destruction.

`NO… new voice…bad…run, run, run…fool? who?', --> blinding images formed in her mind[Author:MSOffice] . They flashed too quickly for her to gain anymore understanding then the basic concept.

`Run from one voice go to the other…move… good voice… safe… bad voice…kill, kill…no…dead…she's dead…' the images were moving to fast she couldn't understand them. Tears started rolling down her face, physical manifestations of fear and frustration.

`Please stop…please slow down… please understand' she begged her mind. Her pace slowed, fatigue began to take its toll, her crying began affecting her breathing, her mind was screaming but the flashes just kept coming.

`So many people… so many places….STOP STOP!!' ironically only her legs would and she fell to ground in a heap. Sobs racked her body and she threw her arms over her head desperate to block out anything, muttering prayers. The images bore through her until for a third time the good voice chimed,

“Rayla!”, with that his image burst through and she remembered. She found her voice and gathered every fiber of her being to scream out his name.

“Atton!”

Inundated with relief and new found strength, she managed crawl among the debris. She hadn't the faintest trace of why she had such powerful feelings toward him but the feelings themselves were enough to move her.

“Atton.” She cried for him again in a desperate --> plea[Author:MSOffice] .

“Didn't I say he had nothing to offer? He won't help you, he can't help you. You can only do this alone! Run, leave them all!” The second voice was venom, burning and searing her ears, but it made the images slower, more stable, her mind began to un-fog and fear was quickly replaced with anger.

“No, not anymore!” the words burst from her with more vigor then any force scream she could remember. Her hands clawed into the ground and neck snapped up, her eyes were finally able to take in her surroundings but they didn't matter, because she focused solely on the robed figure in front of her.

“No, I can't do it, I won't.”

“If you are too weak to go on without them, then you are too weak to protect them. It will be just like last time you went on your noble crusade to save the Republic! One by one they will fall and it will be all your fault.”

The tears came again, “N…no… please it wasn't… Atton where are you?”

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Her d --> ark, brown eyes snapped open[Author:MSOffice] ; her mind finally realized it was asleep. She didn't scream but her face was damp and breathing shallow. Her body shuddered with every silent sob. The pain within her chest wouldn't grant her the courtesy to lie in bed until the violent shaking subsided. S --> he had to know if he was okay[Author:MSOffice] . Rayla bounded from her bunk and left only the echoes of bare feet slapping against steel.

As the rest of the crew sleeping or tinkering with some broken contraption, she made it all the way to the commutations room unseen. She paused, her urges and instincts had calmed and the logic part of her brain finally regained control. She frantically wiped her tear stained face. Her breathing was still erratic and legs still shaking, --> but she assumed the idiot was probably asleep in his chair[Author:MSOffice] . Besides she only wanted a peek, to make sure he was okay. With Jedi-less grace she shuffled to the cockpit, alive with the blue of hyperspace. Her pilot wasn't asleep, but close to it.

“I think this is why we crashed about four times already, flyboy,” she said, unable to help herself.

“Unhumhuh?… What?” he bolted forward and tried to shake his head awake.

“I was just saying maybe we wouldn't crash so much if you slept in a bunk and not at the helm.” --> She grinned as he shot her a nasty glance[Author:MSOffice] .

“There is a difference between crashing and getting your ass shot down by homicidal droids and anyone else you happen to piss off.”

“Well I must have gotten the trait from you since I only started getting shot down after we met, before that I was just a victim of sabotage or attempted assassinations.”

“Possibly, but I tend to not piss off people with such big guns.”

“You know the Jedi motto, its go big or go home.”

“Really? And hear I thought it was may the force be with you.”

“That's a common misconception, it's a secret motto, don't tell anyone.”

“Well you're the master I'm just a lowly padawan.”

“And don't you forget it.” She smirked with satisfaction as Atton just rolled his eyes. As a sudden silence fell, Atton was no longer preoccupied with witty banter and he took a second to really look at the woman standing in front of him. His eyes softened as it wasn't the sight he usually saw; usually it was woman brimming with confidence or posed for battle. But this one was trembling and her hands were clasped in desperate attempt to stop shaking. Her eyes and nose were red and puffy, and her hair was not in its trademark ponytail.

“You okay, Ray?” She suddenly found the glow of the galaxy map incredibly interesting and adverted her gaze.

“Fine,” her eyes darted back to his, “but you need some sleep so just head of to bed, I'll take shift.”

“You don't know how to fly a ship.”

“It can't be any harder then a swoop, besides seems to me you aren't really doing much flying.”

“Okay, first of all it is much harder to steer a 10 kilo swoop then pilot a 10,000 kilo ship, second, with our luck as soon as I fall asleep a Sith warship will come in orbit, and third you aren't fine.”

“Whatever, I didn't come in here to argue, just trying to be nice. I'll just send T3 in with some caffa if that warship happens along.”

“How about some pazaak instead?”

“Nah, I not really in the mood to steal all your credits, there's no sport in it anymore, sides it's real cold in here I'd rather spend sometime in the fresher.”

“Yeah, I didn't want to play either just wanted you to stay so we could talk about what's bothering you.”

“Oh, so you wanted to badger me with annoying questions till I agreed to play Nar Shadda rules.” He smirked,

“Ray, if I wanted to see you naked I'd just splice the fresher door or find you someone to interrogate.”

“Funny.” Bubbles of anger started to rise in her chest but he just didn't seem to take the hint and drop the subject.

“I thought so, why don't you want talk about what's bothering you?”

“I'm fracking fine, just freezing my ass off on this ship and --> Mical ran out of histamine for my allergy to the mold we picked up on Nar Shadda[Author:MSOffice] .” She didn't even brother to try and cover up her anger now as her previous shaking stopped. She was in no mood to argue but Atton always seemed to get a rise out of her.

“Come on, Mira's not that bad.”

“Again, funny.” Atton was starting to get agitated as well, after all, he was only doing what she would do in his position, why wouldn't she just talk to him?

“You know for a woman and a Jedi, you are a terrible lair.”

“Yeah, you're right, I don't think you're funny. So just go space yourself your sexist mopak. I'm fracking tried of you insulting me all the fedding time.” With that, a nerve was clearly hit because Atton stood up, leaned against the console and said in a matter-of-fact way,

“Well, you won't have to deal with me much longer, cause once we hit port, I'm gone. Big, bad Rayla doesn't need anyone now that the Sith are dead and the galaxy saved. She can finally go back to exile or on another stang suicide mission to find some presumably dead good turned evil turned good again Jedi or, even better,” his face shaded and voice moved to resentment, “you could go remake the Jedi order. Hell, you and the disciple can make a couple little Jedi of your own. Won't that be nice? Except for him because you'll probably devour his snarking organs after mating. Me?” he chuckled. “I'm going to do something useful with my force powers and hit the casinos. I figure since my debt to society has been cleared and I'm freed from being bossed around by the most” he began to enunciate every syllable, “frustrating, suicide-inducing schutta, who thinks she has the right to stick her face in everyone else's business but then has the audacity to get all pissy when someone tries to talk to her, I should go celebrate. Why don't you go back to fracking sleep because the less time I have to spend with you the better!” He turned back around and into his chair --> , jabbing the buttons as violently as he could for a few moments.[Author:MSOffice] He berated himself for trusting her, she was like everyone else, just playing a part until she got what she wanted, she didn't care about him. She was going to leave him without a second thought.

She didn't leave though, as much as she wanted to. Her feet seemed to be stuck to the floor, her stomach lurched and she didn't get her hand up quick enough to stop a single sob escape her lips. As much as she was hurt by his words, any traces of anger subsided and the fear was starting to come back.

“You're crying? What is this some new womanly wile,” he turned to face her, anger radiating off him, as if she cared about him enough to cry, “you found out about and now you're trying it out…” he paused and remembered the person he was talking to. As much as he wanted his prejudice to take over he couldn't forget that she wasn't like the malicious Jedi he imagined in his head. He knew her better then anyone, he knew she was genuine, sweet, and hesitant when it came to her power. She meddled, but she never played mind games like the witch, she never went into people's minds unless she had no other choice, and she gave this power to him, to a person she shouldn't have trusted. As he watched her convulse with sobs and whimper like a child he remembered that she in many ways just a child, who had been hurt to many times and put up a shell, just like he did, to keep everyone out so she wouldn't be hurt again. A renegade --> Jedi [Author:MSOffice] thrust a child into war then abandoned her when she came back broken. He saw that child, hands over her face, bare feet curled against the cold floor and guilt flooded him.

“Rayla?” he said as gently as he could, she flinched taking tugging his heartstrings along with it. Unable to control himself he rushed to her side and wrapped his arms around her.

“Ray, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean any of that, please don't cry, I'm a stupid ass please just stop, I'm sorry I'm an idiot…”. He squeezed her tightly in a desperate attempt, he didn't know if he was trying to comfort or smother her. Neither worked it seemed, her sobs may have been muffled by his chest but were unmistakably there.

He started to speak again but only a few syllables were uttered before a wave of power pushed him back and onto the floor. Unsuspecting and dazed, Atton got up as quick as he could to find the cockpit empty.

“Damn it, Rayla”, he voice absent of anything other then regret, he moved to go after her but paused.

`He thought he didn't have to go after her; if he just stayed in the cockpit he was clear to get off at the next port.What the hell is holding me here now? The old crone is dead, I helped her save the galaxy and it is not as if the opportunity to save her is ever going to come up. I only end up hurting her, hurting everyone.'

`You want her don't you?,' chimed a pesky voice that seemed to only show up when he thought about Rayla.

`That's not enough.'

`For who? You or her?'

`Her.'

`She needs you, just look at her you know it's true'

`She will never admit it. She wants to be alone. Beside after that do you really think she would even consider taking me along with her?'

`What have you got to lose by asking? Do you really want it to end this way? Do you really want it to end? '

`Maybe it's easier this way. To leave without another word'

`For you or for her? She never took the easy path with you, she deserves better.'

`She does, that's the point.' He felt out to her with the power she gave him, he felt the pangs of sadness, guilt and fear. He knew he put them there and if he couldn't fix it—he at least had to try.

She did what she learned how to do after the war, what she was becoming best at, she ran. Tears sped down her paling complexion and every doubt, fear, pain, and insecurity that resided on the fringes off her mind now quickly came to the forefront,

--> `It's all true everything, I hate it, I hate me, I don't want to be this ugly hole, this succubus, what's wrong with me? Why me? I just thought he could love me but who was I fooling? I am a void. I am a destroyer, a murderer, the pinnacle of everything I despised, hate, lust, and anger. Who could love that?'[Author:MSOffice] . Her running slowed to an amble as she reached the cargo hold, there she could destroy herself away from prying eyes.

But in her bluster of self-loathing she failed to lock the door and only noticed until the intruder was directly behind her.

“Rayla?” she snapped around quickly, breath in her throat.

“Mical?”

“Sorry I don't mean to interfere, but I saw you running by medical and well I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt. What happened? Are you all right?” His voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes full of compassion for the woman before him. Her throat was too tight to speak, arms dangled limply at her sides. She was confused as to why he was there, he should have been repulsed, disgusted at the creature in front of him not trying to console it. Frozen in thought she gazed intently back at him.

“Rayla? What is wrong?” he asked again in desperation.

“I am”, was all the response she could allow herself without vomiting.

“What?” he took a timid step closer. She took a breath trying to clear her head, unsure of what to tell him, unsure of even what she was feeling, she spoke the only coherent sentence within her tangled mind,

“I just wanted him to love me.”

“HE doesn't?” Sobs escaped her stiffened lips as she shook her head no,

“Rayla listen to me of co…” she was cut-off, before she knew what she was doing, she tumbled into his open arms and he enveloped her. Desperate for human contact she thought that resting in his arms her gather her wits and calm her mind.

`But I can't. I should happy, I should enjoy this moment. Why don't I? He is holding me tight… no… he is holding me like glass, his robes are soft, he smells clean, so clean, a bit like kolto too not at all like…like Atton he held me so different then this. Whenever he touched me he clenched so tightly as if I would fall away if he didn't, it felt like that for me too. And he smelled of must, sweat and grease, there was something else too, he smelled clean but not like Mical, clean like windswept. This is crazy I should intoxicated by this moment not thinking about he way he smelled, the way he held me…'

Disciple

Slightly awkward, consider rephrasing

I'd also consider rephrasing this, took me reading it a couple times to get that you didn't mean something out of King Kong

Didn't previously establish that it was night, perhaps “rang through her consciousness” ?

I'd have this in it's own paragraph like you did previously, it's more effective in showing a breaking from something outside her dream

I'd have some variation to the pacing of her thoughts, you have all the words evenly spaced, it's a little too methodical for someone who can barely control their mind.

Slightly unclear/awkward, I'd consider rephrasing this

This sentence is pretty awkward and slightly confusing

Not really necessary, I'd either go for “She pleaded for him again” or “She cried for him again, she was pleading now”

Seething is an adjective and not a verb, do you mean `searing'?

Are you saying her eyes are dark brown or in the dark her brown eyes snapped open?

Realized it was a dream?

This would be more effective as its own sentence

This is a fragment, I'd retool it and the following sentence to bridge them together

Huh?

I don't think `jedi grace' and `shuffle' quite go together, I like shuffled, but consider her physical and mental stage she probably isn't in top form in the grace department

I see her more grinning then giggling, she just woke up from one hell of a nightmare, I think giggling a couple minutes afterwards may be stretching it

Again, seems slightly out of place. I can see her suddenly dropping her head or suddenly finding her bare feet horribly interesting, but not blushing

Wow…that is a wonderfully horrible excuse…and I mean that in the sense that is was genius to come with something that silly for her to say…not dissing you

I think Atton's a little to proud/badass for that, I can see his face darkening some, but not flushing

This seems like an odd point for him to start yelling, he seems more of a `get up in your face and say the words slowly and clearly for you” kinda guy

Lol, but THAT is SOOOO Attton…

You mean `subsided'?

That break for description is really awkward with what he's saying.

? The council didn't want anyone to go to war

?

I'd rethink this whole little inner-dialouge. Atton just seems too much of a push-over here. I think even the acknowledgement that he loves her should somewhat be a struggle, plus it's one of the two climaxes you have here, draw it out some more

This bit seems a little melo-dramatic, try tonning down the “who could ever love me?” focus more on the fact that she is a void of power and unwitting manipulation.

I think that's actually a verb…