Stargate SG1 Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Stargate: Atlantis Fan Fiction ❯ April Ninth ❯ Chapter Six ( Chapter 6 )

Back to journal format again… I'm hoping to save most of the space for Operation Mii'hen, only with a Stargate twist. You'll just have to wait and see, though, what that is.

April 16th, 2006

Well, there's good news, and bad news. The good news is, we won the blitzball championship. The bad news is that Sin launched an attack against Luca with hundreds of Sin spawn (monsters that Sin somehow “produces”-I don't really want to think about it), which killed several dozen people. Considering that it's a city with a population of only a few thousand, this amounts to the equivalent of a September 11th scale terrorist attack.

No wonder everyone's scared out of their minds.

I finally decided to give Tidus one of my four nine millimeters. His sword is simply not cutting it-Literally. He nearly lopped off his own arm fighting the Sinspawn. And Lulu's magical enhancement option to my weapons is quickly making them the envy of damn near everyone else in our group. Not to mention making them a lot safer. Except Wakka. He still won't switch from his stupid ball. His blitzball, for God's sake! So what if he can silence a monster with a special technique? I can kill a monster in precisely the same time and with less effort! Shaquille O'Neill doesn't use his basketball for a freaking weapon, does he!

But I'm going off on an angry rant. I'll leave that to Lulu. It's fun to hear her rant at Wakka. Better than Cinemax.

The Aeon of Maester Seymour was responsible for clearing out most of the Sinspawn. Someone called it “Anima”. I was inclined to call it “The Giant Bondage Piranha”. I mean, what is with all the chains and bindings and the blindfold on it? It's just… Incredibly freaky, even compared to Yuna's Aeons. And Valefor's chain ornament thingy is pretty freaky. Yuna, however, seems to be swooning over Seymour's Aeon… And Seymour himself. I know I shouldn't get too attached, but I'd be concerned for anyone who was attracted to this guy. Even, say, Caldwell.

Actually, I'd be concerned period. In that case.

Agh… Horrifying mental images!

But, in any event, our post-victory celebration was rather subdued. Although it was hilarious to see Keepa try to make out with a blitzball when he was drunk.

We've picked up an old friend of Yuna and Tidus' fathers: Sir Auron the Grey. Well… That's my name for him. Gah, I'm getting as bad as Ford. He wields a Japanese-looking sword that's nearly as long as he is tall. And he can wield it pretty damn easily for a guy who looks around fifty. I have to say he reminds me of Ronan-All business, no pleasure. Doesn't talk a lot. He didn't even ask who I was, jerk. Yuna had to tell him. Afterwards, he just grunted, told me to stick to my job, and off we went.

Exactly what is this guy's problem? His love life dead or something?

April 18th, 2006

Well, now we're the Highroad, heading for the Djose Temple to pick up Yuna's next Aeon. Exactly how so many fiends can hide in the tall grass around the road is a subject of debate between myself and Yuna. With Wakka and Lulu fighting, Khimari not saying squat, and Tidus whining and bugging Auron, we're kind of stuck with talking to eachother.

Not that it's a hassle or anything, naturally. Just, well… Exactly how many times can you explain to a girl from another planet how football is played?

There I go again, forgetting that her destiny is to die in order to defeat Sin. Damn. I should tell her whatever she wants to know. Least I can do for someone willing to die for her world, right?

Man, bet Rodney and Zelenka would drool over all this ancient technology lying in ruins around us. There are fallen towers that look almost as tall as some on Atlantis, bridges, rocket-looking things. Actually, Dr. Daniel Jackson back on Earth would die... Again... to see this place. While archaeology isn't my strong suit, I can appreciate the efforts of long-dead civilizations. Like the Atlantis of legend, the machina cities of Spira had apparently done wrong in the sight of Yevon. And like any proper ancient deity, he smited them with Sin. A bit ironic, considering that sin is the reason people got smote on my planet.

Good lord, the puns. The puns. I need to get the hell off this planet before it gets any worse.

Still... It's nice to go traveling. It's like the Iliad, one of my favorite stories of all time. Good stuff, about a band of mythic heroes, off to save the world while battling monsters, evil wizards, and the gods themselves.

Now I'm being melodramatic. Maybe it's appropriate for this situation though. Guess I'll find out.

In other news… Why did I teach her that song? Why?

Yuna loves “It's a Small World After All”. I sang it to her when she asked about Disneyworld… And now she won't stop. At all.

It's hard to get annoyed with her… She confesses it's stuck in her head, but she likes it. It's very hopeful sounding to her. And so I just grin and bear it as she sings the Song of Evil. Least I didn't tell her about the “Barney the Dinosaur” theme…

Oh God, now Tidus is singing along. I think I've created a monster…

We've met up with Shelinda, who looks ready to pass out if Yuna gives her that much of a wider smile. She's an acolyte of Yevon, kind of like, I dunno… A nun-in-training. She uses White Magic, but can't summon, which is just as well. She sounds kind of like this girl I knew in high school-Kind of a cutesy, slightly-annoying voice.

And now Tidus has gone and insulted Yevon again… Ouch. I knew those pointed shoes had to be for something. That's gonna leave a mark. This Shelinda girl is scary…

Correction: This rival Summoner woman is scary. She beat down Yuna's Aeons without breaking a proverbial sweat! She advised us to work on it, even harder. Well gee, no, we were going to feed them potato chip and let them become fat watching television (no one got my comment, thankfully; otherwise Scary Summoner Woman might have fried me).

And what's with the Crusaders? Who the hell designed their uniforms, if you can call them that? One of them commented that I was dressed far too warmly. Um, yeah, and if some monster attacks you in your Hawaiian bondage get-up, you'll probably be disabled by a wedgie.

Note to self: Find someplace on this planet that doesn't have people wearing clothes that remind you of bondage gear. It may take years, but it'll be worth it.

And never tell Yuna about bondage.

Stop thinking about it! Stop!

At this rate, I will turn into Kirk! Which will give Rodney no end of amusement. And probably piss off Weir. It's a bit odd, how stressed out she becomes when women become attracted to me. You don't actually think...? Nah. Couldn't be.

Still, that kiss was good... Even though we were possessed by aliens, maybe something of our-No! Stop! Bad brain! No more thoughts of sex or romance!

... I wonder if they know what bondage is here, anyway? Rikku didn't bother to tie me or Tidus up, but her outfit just-GAH!

End journal! I need cold water...

April 20th, 2006

Today we met Rin, the Bill Gates of Spira. Only instead of computers, he sells potions, lodging, weapons, and… Well, hey, he does sell computers. Huh.

He also sells… Giant, yellow, flightless birds called chocobos.

Well, more like `rent'. I don't think I'll ever complain about Avis again… My God, a bird pun. Someone kill me now.

Not only are chocobos like McKay hyped up on coffee and sugar, not only do they take off running at the slightest twitch… But they seem to enjoy getting hit in the head. I'm serious, they run into trees and tweet what I can only assume is “DUDE! That was AWESOME!” in… Chocobo…ese.

I'm almost sorry we killed the Chocobo-eating monster. Sure, it tried to kill us all and shove us over a cliff, but less of these annoying birds, the better.

Speaking of annoying... Is that O'Ralley salesman stalking us! Everywhere we go, there he is! It's getting incredibly creepy. And his prices suck. What, like he doesn't notice that the local places have better deals?

I am so glad Lulu took away the money bag from Tidus. We had been taking turns holding it, but with Tidus' "helping hand" to O'Rally's future interests, we're out a good thousand gil. What the hell is wrong with him anyway!

And still, Yuna thinks he's cute. Him. Captain Air-For-Brains. Cute. The Blond Stereotype brought to life. I'll file it under `Things that are Common to All Women Across the Universe that Baffle Reasonably Sane Men'.

I seem to be adding to that list a lot lately…

Yes, I know, it didn't seem to be that long of a trip in the game… But I like to think that the game is more of an interpretation of what Spira “actually” looks like (perhaps in another universe, I dunno…). Anyway, next chapter we have Operation Mii'hen… Hopefully with an assist from our very own SGCS Daedalus, preferably in the form of a naquada-enhanced nuke to vaporize Sin… Or not. You'll have to read to find out! Mwahahahahaha!