Super Smash Brothers Fan Fiction ❯ Melee Interviews ❯ A "hard core" gamer ( Chapter 17 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
"Let's put an end to all this already," said Master Hand.

A young man walked in.

"Who are you?" said Master Hand.

"I'm a gamer," said the man.

"Gamer? What kind of gamer?"

"HARD CORE! What other kind is there?" said the gamer. "Only those who give their hearts and souls to gaming can call themsevles gamers! Those housewives, grandmas and whatnot. Their not gamers! Those are just noobs the companies are pandering to! And another thing -"

"That'll be quite enough," said Master Hand. "Isn't this where you make your usual smartass remark?" he said to Crazy Hand.

"No, I'm all out of material," said Crazy Hand. "Besides, I've decided to behave myself from now on."

"That's good to hear." Master Hand turned back to the gamer. "So, is there anything you're able to do?"

"What can't I do?" said the gamer. "I can beat the most difficult bosses with no trouble, play for fifty hours straight, lay the smackdown on all the noobs. I send them off with trashtalk, too! What else? Right, when I shoot at a target I never miss. I know all game strategies backwards and forwards..."

Master Hand was starting to get bored. Not only that, but he was starting to suspect something.

"Did I leave anything out?" said the gamer.

"You can stop right now," said Master Hand.

"Oh, right. I still have my Power Glove, and it works as good as -"

"SHUT UP!" Master Hand waited for a moment. "I've noticed that all your 'abilities' are something to do with playing video games. That's not what I was asking. I mean, what can you, yourself, do in the real world?"

"Um..."

"I'm waiting."

"I got nothin'."

"I was afraid of that."

"Who needs this dump anyway?" said the gamer. "I'm a REAL gamer. A gamer who plays mature games, not all this kiddy crap! Nintendo just puts out a bunch of dumbed-down kiddie crap for those who can't handle real games!"

"You may leave now," said Master Hand.

"Worse yet, you assholes had to censor everything that was on the NES. 'I will knock you all down'? What the hell was that about?"

"Get out of here, right now."

"NO!" the gamer yelled. "I won't shut up any longer! It's noob-lovers like you who are ruining video games! Those babies should just sell their games and consoles, and stop ruining gaming for -"

Without warning, bombs fell on the gamer, blowing him to bits. Master Hand then realized Crazy Hand wasn't next to him.

"Sorry," said Crazy Hand, as he floated over the gamer's remains. "I acted without thinking."

"No, it's okay," said Master Hand. "I can let this one go."