Supernatural Fan Fiction ❯ Angels and Demons: A Supernatural Fanfic ❯ Let's Make a Deal ( Chapter 19 )

19. Let's Make a Deal

A week after Rachel's death Grace and Dean were up in Oregon on a vampire hunt. Grace had needed something to take her sadness and rage out on and vampires seemed to be the perfect target. Dean had needed to get out of the house and the air of depression that had settled into it. Handling the death of a loved one had never come easy to either of them, and in their own way they were trying to cope. Destroying a coven of vamps seemed to be a lot more therapeutic to the both of them than discussing how they were feeling. It made Dean angry that one such as Rachel had died, in vain it seemed, at least to him. Life wasn't fair, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Grace was almost lost, her constant companion who she had walked with since time began being suddenly ripped out of her life. She couldn't bear to be in Bobby's house, passing by Rachel's door every morning, seeing her own somber expression in the mirror, hear Castiel's sobs of anguish. It was too much. For the last solid week she and Dean had been traveling up the Pacific coast, looking for hunts, trying to cope the only way they knew how. Before they had left however, they made Sam and Ruby promise to look after Castiel, at least until they got back. They, among everyone else in the group, were more than a little worried about him.

That lasted about a week and then Sam and Ruby had met Grace and Dean in northern Washington, wanting to join them on their journey because they couldn't bear being around the broken hearted angel either. They all felt guilty, running away like they were and leaving him and Bobby to their own devices, but they couldn't help it. Back home they wouldn't have been any good anyway, sitting around in mourning, trying to provide comfort and solace for a man who wanted to be left alone. So, for the next couple of weeks the group was out hunting, trying to get their bearings and come to grips with their feelings. They had no idea of what was going to happen now that Rachel was gone.

Back in North Dakota things weren't easy either. Bobby had blatantly chosen to stay at his place, even though Sam and Ruby had offered to take them with him and he was desperately itching for a hunt, like the rest of them wanting to get his mind off of Rachel being gone. He knew however that he was really the only person in the group who understood what Cas was going through, he had lost his wife too after all. In those two weeks while the group was gone, the only time Cas came out of his room was when Bobby would drive him to spend a few hours at Rachel's grave every day. Bobby thought it a little odd that Cas would ask him to do that, since the angel could teleport himself anywhere he wanted, but he didn't pry or ask questions, figuring that the angel could benefit from some mortal company. He knew that the only thing he could do that might make a difference was being there for his friend, a broken hearted man.

Bobby had a difficult time too, with Rachel's death. He'd loved her very much, having viewed her like a daughter he'd never had. She had been a good woman and besides that he had revealed things to her that he barely acknowledged himself. She had been easy to open up to, a calming, light filled presence when she had been alive. When Rachel had smiled it lit up a room and made any negative feelings he had subside. She was love in its purest form, iridescent in her compassion and caring for him and everyone else.

She had been the best woman he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing, and her sudden demise wasn't proving easy for him to handle. There had been more than one night that he'd drank a little too much whiskey or become so engrossed in research that he'd forgotten to stop and sleep. He had been looking for a way to bring her back and even though there was plenty of information on how to resurrect mortals, there was none to be found on angels. Bobby wasn't going to give up however, not until he had poured through everything he possibly could and ran out of leads to investigate. If he had to, Bobby would give up his own soul to bring Rachel back.

More than anyone, Castiel was coping with Rachel's death the least effectively. To put it bluntly, he wasn't handling it well at all. If he wasn't at Rachel's grave then he was up in his room, drinking some form of strong liquor and getting so drunk that he literally passed out. His tolerance for it quickly grew and it was no small thing for him to consume a bottle of vodka every night. At first being hung over in the morning had annoyed him, but now he just ignored it, taking pain killers for the headaches. The alcohol helped to numb the pain a bit. Even being intoxicated however, Castiel still felt like he had a gaping, burning, throbbing hole in his chest where his heart used to be, all of the happiness and light in his life disappearing into its unfathomable depths. It pulsed and ached so badly that the sheer, agonizing pain was almost unbearable. If not for the numbing effect of the alcohol on his emotions then it would have been intolerable. If he wasn't drinking or visiting his wife's grave, then Castiel was staring at their wedding photo or thinking about the happy times they'd had, whishing with every fiber in his body that she would come back. That's when the tears would start to flow and for long periods of time he wouldn't be able to stop, the grief overwhelming him.

Aside from the sadness he also felt a little guilty. He knew that his friends wanted to comfort him and they had all definitely tried. He didn't blame them for going off hunting, he couldn't. He knew if their positions had been reversed that he wouldn't want to be around him either. He hadn't shaved in weeks, only showered a couple of times in a week, smelled like an open bar and certainly looked like hell. Not to mention he was solemn and depressed, not only due to losing Rachel but also because he could feel himself turning mortal, his angel powers fading due to the fact that he hadn't been in Heaven so long. That hardly mattered to him however. Rachel was gone, and if it hadn't been for Bobby and the rest of his friends, so would his reason for even living. He knew that Rachel would have wanted him to look after them though, regardless of the crappy job he was doing at it.

Castiel was reminded of her everyday, seeing her in everything he did, anywhere he'd go. It wasn't the obvious things that would trigger memories of her, it was the little things like smelling her scent on her pillow, seeing her clothes in the closet, coming across one of her favorite books. The sensory triggers were extremely hard to bear, because if he closed his eyes even for a second it was like she was there again. When he would open them however, she wouldn't be there, and even though he didn't think it possible, a little piece of his already shattered heart would break. The tears would start then and the only thing he could do was take another drink and lay there on the bed forcing himself to breath, feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Every emotion he'd buried would resurface and consume him in a cloud of grief and sorrow. For awhile he would be unable to move, much less form a coherent thought, not even trying to hide his gut wrenching sobs of anguish. Once he had managed to get his emotions back under control he would drink some more, wallowing in his depression all the while, to the point where he passed out and slept like a dead man. Half the time he wished he was dead, but he knew that wouldn't solve his problems either so he tried to think of suicide as little as possible.

The other thing that made him sad was the fact that he had lost both his wife and his child in essentially the same day. Even though he hadn't known that Rachel was pregnant and the thought of ever having children had never previously crossed his mind, he still felt remorse over the loss, just as much for Rachel's sake as his own. He barely had any comprehension of what it would have been like if they'd both been allowed to live, but he figured that with Rachel by his side that he would have been alright. It didn't matter now though, they were both gone and there was nothing he could do about it. He was helpless, faithless.

All that mattered was taking the pain away, numbing himself so that he could go on just one more day. Living to die and dying to live wasn't much of a life, but it was all he had and he didn't know what else to do. He knew that Grace must be hurting just as much as he was, she had been Rachel's best friend after all. He felt bad because he couldn't find the words to comfort her, much less himself. Quite frequently, daily in fact, Castiel's mind would wander down those dark, depressing paths. The only way he knew to cope was to pick up another drink and bottle the emotions up. He didn't want his friends, care however much they did, to see him in the state he was in. To Castiel it was pathetic, beyond despicable, but he couldn't will himself to change. As long as he couldn't feel anything he would be able to make it. As long as he could keep the pain at bay he would live.

A week after Sam and Ruby had left, Cassie and Heather dropped by to check on Cas, more than a little worried about him. Walking around in Bobby's living room the sisters could feel the air, thick with sadness and despair, shuddering at how quiet the home was. They exchanged perturbed glances and walked into Bobby's study.

Bobby looked up at them and to the angels it seemed as if he had aged ten years since they had seen him last. The lines in his face had deepened, his eyes held a bone deep weariness. He reacted to seeing them almost apathetically, not seeming surprised in the least.

“Hey Bobby, is Castiel around?” Cassie asked softly, regretting it the instant the words were past her lips, seeing a shadow cross Bobby's face. He sighed and nodded. “Yeah, Cas is in his room. Good luck getting him out. The only time he emerges is when I take him to Rachel's grave. That man hasn't said so much as two words to me in weeks.”

Cassie and Heather exchanged nervous expressions and regarded the mortal sympathetically. To Castiel, as well as most angels, human emotions were a mystery and a liability. That meant that his growing experience with them would prove troublesome, because as a rule angels were taught to avoid emotional attachments and ties. To them, it was no surprise that their friend wasn't handling Rachel's death well. Love was the most complicated thing of all. Castiel had never been taught to cope with emotions so it was no surprise that he didn't know how to deal with his grief. They were uncertain of how to help him however, having had little experience with mortal emotions themselves, but because he had been their friend through Rachel the two sisters felt they at least had to try.

Bobby cleared his throat, needing to ask them a question. “Hey girls, is it possible that Cas is turning mortal?”

Cassie's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open, looking completely dumbfounded that he would even suggest such a thing. She spluttered that she didn't have the slightest idea and looked over at her sister for help. Heather nodded. “Yes, it's a very likely possibility that Cas is becoming human. In fact it's almost certain. He hasn't been to Heaven in so long after all, not to mention that he's experienced more human emotions than most angels experience in their entire existence. That definitely had an impact on him. He's grown to love another, knows what love feels like, and in contrast he's also experienced the ultimate loss. Cassie and I always knew that if something happened to Rachel that he wouldn't be able to cope very well. At the rate his powers are disappearing, he'll turn mortal within the day.”

“That's going to be hard on him. Does he know, you think?” Bobby asked. Heather nodded again. “He most definitely knows. It's like recognizing when you're getting sick, you just know. He should be alright though, with you and your friends to support him.”

“Well I'll be around if he needs me. As for the others, well, I don't know. They're not here at the moment. The young ones elected to go out hunting.” Bobby replied.

“Everyone handles grief differently, to each his own. We aren't here to judge.” Cassie said.

“Where did Rachel go anyway? She didn't have a soul but she was immortal before, so does that mean she went to Heaven?”

The sisters exchanged sorrowful glances and shook their heads. “No, we don't know where she went Bobby, if she went anywhere. We're not omnipotent. There are some things that even the angels don't know.” Heather said sadly.

“Take care of yourself Bobby. We'll see you around.” Cassie murmured, laying her hand on his for a moment in a gesture of comfort before she and Heather walked up the stairs and stood outside of Castiel's door.

They exchanged shocked glances, their eyes widening and their noses wrinkling in disgust as the potent scent of alcohol assaulted their sinuses. Cassie sucked in a breath and knocked on the door. After waiting for a minute and hearing nothing, she slowly turned the knob and the door creaked open. She and Heather soundlessly stepped inside.

Castiel felt the sisters' presence the instant they were in the house but hadn't felt the need to go down and say hello. When they walked into his room, smelling the alcohol and seeing him sit on the bed, a bottle of vodka in hand, he took a swig and set it down on the bedside table. Then he spoke.

“It's good to see you two I guess. What do you want?” His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles under his eyes. He obviously hadn't shaved in weeks and reeked of alcohol.

Cassie's eyes narrowed and she placed her hands on her hips, her lips pursing. “You're drunk aren't you?” Heather seemed a little shocked.

“No Cassie, I'm completely sober.” He murmured snidely, grabbing the bottle and taking another swig. Heather looked at him with sympathy. Cassie sighed and shook her head, regarding him with something close to pity. “Look Cas, if you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. We'll help you if you let us. You have to talk to someone at sometime about this or it will just get worse. Things will get better. You'll heal.”

“You don't know that. You can't know that. I'll never heal. She was everything. I followed my orders, did everything I was asked, never complained about anything. All I asked for in return was Rachel. She's all I ever wanted, everything I'd ever need. Now she's gone and I don't know what to do. Nothing is worth it anymore. All that's left is the pain and I can't deal with that now, maybe later, but not now. I don't expect you to understand. You never loved her like it did, didn't know her as I did. Please, I appreciate you coming by, but leave. Just leave. I don't want you to see me this way.” Castiel's voice thickened more with every word he spoke. Taking a shaky breath, he looked away from them, his eyes filling with tears once again, taking yet another drink.

Cassie opened her mouth to speak but then thought better of it. She sighed and walked over to him, taking the bottle out of his hand. “You'll have to deal with the pain sometime, you can't numb it forever. You can't run away from something like this, it doesn't work like that. She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. You know that.”

Castiel looked up, his bloodshot grey eyes boring into her blue ones. “How can you possibly know what Rachel would want? Why are you even here Cassandra? Have you really come here because you worry for me, or where you sent to take me back to Heaven where I'll answer for my disobedience?” his voice was low, threaded with anger and annoyance. He just wanted them to leave.

Cassie's eyes widened and then shrunk in anger. “How could you possibly think that? Heather and I are your friends and we are worried about you. You will be mortal soon and it will be much easier for you to hurt yourself then. As an immortal you can't die, but as a human your mortality is a liability. If you keep doing what you are now, it's going to kill you. What would possess you to think that we would ever betray you? Unless……you're losing your faith…..”

“My faith died right along with Rachel. Can you give me something better to believe in?” he laughingly barked, looking up at her, a half hearted challenge glimmering in his eyes. Cassie snorted. “Well, there is a God you know, unless you've forgotten that.”

“What good does it do me to have faith in someone whose not here, someone I can't see or feel anymore?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Because thou hast seen me thou has believed. Blessed are they which have not seen….”

“…..and yet believed. That's a bit sacrilegious, don't you think Cassandra?” he retorted. Cassie's jaw clenched and she took a step back, reminding herself that Castiel was quickly turning mortal. Heather came over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Well, if you need anything let us know. We'll be leaving now. Take care of yourself Cas.” she softly murmured. Then in a flash, she and Cassie were gone. For the rest of the night Castiel drank, contemplating the words of his friends and their sympathy as they blended with memories of Rachel that pervaded his broken train of thinking, haunting him well into the predawn hours when sleep overtook him. By that point Castiel realized he had turned completely mortal, actually needing restorative rest.

Dean, Grace, Ruby, and Sam all returned early that morning, just about an hour or so after Castiel had fallen asleep. They found Bobby snoozing at his desk, a cold cup of coffee by his side, along with a forgotten shot of whiskey. Deciding to let him rest, they drifted up to their respective rooms and unpacked. Grace checked in on Castiel, finding him asleep, his body uncovered and sprawled out on his bed. His white shirt was wrinkled, a few buttons undone. His black pants were in a similar shape, the cuffs bunched up around his knees. His room was heavy with the scent of alcohol and Grace noticed more than a dozen empty bottles of vodka lying scattered across the wood floor, at least half that amount in a trashcan by the bed.

Her eyes widened as she sensed something odd, or rather, the lack of the angel's power. Her mouth dropped as she realized that he had turned completely mortal. Closing the door soundlessly behind her as she walked out of the room, she huddled with the others in the hallway and shared her discovery.

“So wait a minute. Cas is mortal now, just like Sam, me and Bobby?” Dean muttered incredulously, scarcely able to believe the notion. Grace nodded.

“Wow, so he's human. This must be because he hasn't ascended to Heaven in so long. How long will it last, you think?” Sam murmured. Grace and Ruby exchanged glances but said they had no idea.

“Has he gotten any better since we left, as far as coping goes anyway?” Sam asked. Grace sighed and shook her head. “No, I don't think so. I saw over a dozen empty vodka bottles that were empty, scattered in the room. He isn't handling it well, but if you were in his shoes, what would you do? He's coping the only way he knows how. He might never want to talk to us about it. Rachel was the only one he ever really opened up to.”

“Poor guy. I can't imagine what it must feel like.” Dean murmured tiredly. He stifled a yawn. Sam looked equally exhausted and both the brothers were sporting similar expressions of care and worry as far as Castiel went. This didn't go unnoticed by Grace or Ruby, and they both told Sam and Dean to get some rest. Once the brothers were asleep they glided down the stairs and into the kitchen, in hushed whispers murmuring about what they could do that might help their grieving friend. A few hours later Bobby joined them in the kitchen, chatting with the girls and filling them in on what had transpired since they'd been gone. They inquired after Castiel, dismayed to learn that he had grown withdrawn and depressed. Outside the window the sky was dark, filled with ominous grey clouds that promised rain, among other things. The smell of the food they were preparing lead Sam and Dean to join them in the kitchen and they listened somberly as Bobby told them of Castiel's broken heart and dwindling spirits. The subject of his mortality was brought up as well, everyone worrying how it would affect him. The conversation turned silent however as Castiel walked into the room, or rather stumbled in.

“Well don't you have the grace of an ox. Easy does it there Cas, let me help you before you make a fool of yourself.” Dean muttered, rolling his eyes and giving his friend a steadying hand, helping Castiel to a seat at the table. Luckily the hung over drunk didn't fall flat on his face. Grace and Ruby set the table and everyone but Cas, who was staring down dismally at his plate, dug into the food. Grace, who was sitting in between him and Dean, grabbed his plate and put some waffles and bacon on it, along with an egg. “Here, you need to try to at least eat something. You're mortal now, so you have to.” She murmured.

“Speaking of being mortal, how does it make you feel Cas?” Sam asked, sipping his coffee while cautiously regarding his friend with a mixture of sympathy and mild curiosity.

“Like I need a drink.” He sullenly muttered, picking at his food with his fork and looking none too pleased to be there. Bobby gave Sam an I-told-you-so look and Sam sighed, stuffing a piece of sausage in his mouth.

Dean looked over at Castiel, feeling annoyed and angry, being sick of the man's depressed attitude and solemn expression. He knew that Cas wouldn't get over Rachel's death overnight and he also realized that his friend wouldn't be able to cope easily either, if at all. Regardless however, he wanted to see at least some spark of life in the man, something more than sadness and apathy. That intent prompted Dean's next words, “Well, if you're so gloomy and depressed and life isn't worth living anymore, than why don't you just off yourself now instead of slowly poisoning your liver with alcohol. It's a painful way to die from what I've heard.”

Dead silence ensued for a few seconds and then for the first time in his life, Dean saw Grace turn lividly mad, at him. Before he even had time to blink she smacked him hard on the cheek. “Are you insane? How could you say that to him?” she snapped, glaring at him. Her icy blue gaze made him more than a little nervous.

“Dude, what the hell?” Sam said, looking at Dean with a shocked expression. Ruby looked peeved and murmured, “Wow. Dean. Really?” Bobby's face turned red with anger. “Some friend you are.” He said. After that no one said anything, waiting for Castiel's answer. He pulled his gaze away from his plate and regarded Dean with mixed emotions, sadness, annoyance, and something close to amusement crossing his face and flashing in his eyes. Giving Dean a bitter smile he said, “That's a lovely thought, but I'm not interested. Even if I did choose to end my miserable existence here, it wouldn't reunite me with Rachel again. Remember Dean, angels don't have souls. She isn't in Heaven, or Hell, or anywhere. As tempting as your suggestion is, I have to refuse. So sorry, but no dice.”

“Well I don't think that Rachel would want you to live this way. She would want you to find happiness again and move on.” Dean retorted, ignoring everyone's heated glances, the looks on their faces clearly screaming at him to shut up.

Castiel's knuckled turned white as he gripped the table with anger, rage flashing in his eyes and fury consuming his features. When Castiel spoke his voice was filled with resentment and bitterness, all of the pent up emotions he had blocked away or pushed down resurfacing.

“How dare you tell me to move on Dean Winchester. You have no right to say anything in this matter. You didn't lose your wife and child in one day. You think you can sympathize, but in reality you have no idea, no comprehension of how it feels. Think of how you felt when your father died or how you felt when you thought you'd lost Sam and magnify that by a thousand times. I can't go one moment without thinking about Rachel and feeling almost unbearable pain. You can't begin to imagine how badly it hurts to have your heart mercilessly broken, to have your hope disappear, watching helplessly as the love of your life dies in your arms and knowing there's nothing you can do to save her. It's like there's a gaping, pulsing, burning, bottomless hole in your chest and it sucks all of the joy and happiness out of your life, out of every day, leaving nothing but crippling anguish it its wake. So tell me, would you be able to move on if you lost Grace?”

Dean mentally shuddered at the thought, knowing full and well what the answer would be. Castiel knew it too, as his eyes met Dean's and he said, “I thought so. Don't preach about moving on to me you self righteous hypocrite. I don't want to hear it, so why don't you go waste your breath on someone who actually gives a damn. I'm telling myself that you just said all of those things to try to help me, because you're my friend and you're worried and you care. You have an odd way of showing it. You couldn't save yourself Dean, you didn't think you deserved it. What makes you think I'm any different?”

Dean opened his mouth to apologize but Castiel got up and stumbled out of the kitchen before he could find the words. Sam followed him, accompanying him up the stairs and providing a steady hand, making sure Cas didn't fall. For a moment no one said anything, hearing the stairs creak as he went up to his room and slammed the door.

Grace's eyes watered as she thought on Castiel's words and softly murmured, “Everything is falling apart.”

Dean got up to follow him but Bobby's stern look convinced him to stay where he was. “Give him a minute to cool off and think about what was said. Also, would it kill you to think before you open your mouth Dean? I know some hunters that would have shot off your head for talking to them like that. Now, once Cas has had some time to clear his head, we need to catch him before he starts drinking again. You are going to apologize to that man.” Bobby said firmly. Dean didn't protest.

For the next few minutes silence enveloped the kitchen and the only sounds to be heard were forks scraping against plates as everyone finished their meal. While Grace and Ruby cleaned up the kitchen, saving a plate for Cas, the guys sat at the table, a shamefaced, remorseful Dean asking what they could do to help Cas cope.

“Well, if we could bring Rachel back then it would solve our problem and he would be happy again. I'll have to look into it I guess.” Sam murmured. Bobby shook his head. “I already tried that route Sam, and even though I'm not out of leads yet, it isn't looking like a likely or even possible feat. You can resurrect humans a few different ways, but there's nothing on angels.”

“What about making a deal with a crossroads demon? That's how I got Sam back and that's how dad brought me back.” Dean said. Bobby nearly choked on his coffee at the suggestion. “Have you lost it? You Winchesters have a funny way of self sacrifice in order to bring other people back. Look how well that's turned out for you. No way in hell are you doing that. There's no telling what implications would arise if you pulled something like that. The Winchester curse doesn't seem to be a joke or something to tempt fate with. Just look at how awful bargaining with a demon turned out for the Winchester family.” Bobby said. Sam and Dean exchanged glances and sighed, knowing he was right.

Ruby and Grace had been listening the whole time. An idea slowly formed in their minds and they smiled, discussing their plan once the three had wandered into the living room. It was a long shot and it might not even work, but they were desperate as much for themselves as well as Cas, and they had to try.

Later that evening, once the humans were asleep, they snuck out of the house and drove down the dusty back roads, intent on putting their plan in motion. Once they had come to a crossroad, they stopped and summoned the demon. Neither one of them was sure it would actually work, and even if it did the girls had no idea of what they could bargain with, but they were close to being desperate. Something had to give. They just weren't ready to face the likely fact that Rachel couldn't be brought back. They held their breath for a moment, hearing the night sounds of crickets chirping, hoping against all hope that the plan worked.

A few seconds later the demon appeared, but not just any demon. It was Crawley, and he looked a little surprised at seeing Grace and Ruby. “How can I be of assistance to you lovely ladies?” he asked, one eyebrow raised in mild curiosity. The girls exchanged glances. Grace took a breath and spoke.

“We want you to bring Rachel back.”

Crawley's eyes widened in disbelief as he murmured, “You can't be serious.” Grace's eyes narrowed in annoyance as she licked her lips and nodded.

Crawley sighed. “Well, if you're really intent on bringing her back, know this. It can be done, but there is only so much I can do. For example, if I did bring Rachel back she would be mortal and possess the body that she had right before she died. I cannot restore her immortality or power. Also, she'll be without a soul. She was an angel beforehand, I can't change that, but if I bring her back she'll be mortal, vulnerable. Are you sure this is what you want?”

Grace and Ruby adamantly nodded. “So you'll do it then?” Grace said. Crawley nodded and murmured, “Yes, but nothing is free. I'll need something in return. What can you give me that is worth someone's life I wonder?”

“We can give you anything you want. Name the price.” Ruby said. Crawley took a moment to think, wondering what the two could possibly give him that he would desire. A slow smile formed on his face as he got his answer. “Alright lovelies, I'll bring your friend back. In return however, you have to give me your own powers and your demon blades.”

“What will happen to us once you take our powers? We won't die will we?” Ruby asked. Crawley shook his head. “No, of course not. Once I take your powers, you'll be just like any other human, minus having a soul of course. I can't give you one of those. It's not in my power.”

“So we'll be human for awhile. How long will it last? Will we ever get our powers back?” Grace inquired.

“I can't say how long your being mortal will last. When and if your friend ever gets her powers restored however, so will yours be restored and you'll all be immortal again.”

“That sounds awfully fair of you Crawley. Say that you bring Rachel back and by some miracle, her powers as well as ours are restored. You would lose out on your side of the bargain. What's your game?” Ruby murmured suspiciously.

“Well I'll still have the demon blades, so it won't be a total loss. You think I'm up to something? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth now. I'm trying to help you out.”

“But why? Normally you try to screw people over.” She said. Crawley sighed, half in exasperation and half in annoyance. “My reasons are my own. Now, you've heard my proposal, so what do you say?”

Ruby looked at Grace who looked at Crawley and nodded. “Let's make a deal.” Sealing the deal required her to kiss him of course, and even though Grace didn't want to, she figured for Rachel's sake it was worth it. After that, making a mental note to get mouthwash, Crawley gave them some instructions before he disappeared.

“Head over to the cemetery where your friend is buried. She'll be waking up soon. Have fun lovelies.”

So Grace and Ruby hopped into the Impala and sped off down the road, excitement and hope in their hearts. Neither one could wait to see Rachel again.

Rachel's eyes felt heavy, as if she had been asleep for a long time. She could feel her heart beating, her lungs expanding as she breathed in oxygen. Her body felt cold and damp, not to mention a little stiff. She felt like she hadn't moved in ages. Licking her cracked, dry lips she slowly opened her eyes. She couldn't see anything but darkness and as she cautiously spread her hands out, trying to get a feel of where she was, all of the memories came back to her in short flashes, right up until the point that she had died. Her hands touched something solid and wooden, and as they followed the wood upward she realized she must be in a coffin of some sort. With a trickle of nervous apprehension, she realized as she froze momentarily in shock that someone, or something, must have brought her back. Oh you stupid, stupid boys. Of course it's the Winchester way so I shouldn't be surprised. I wonder what sort of deal those two idiots made to pull a stunt like this off. I might be human, but I'll kick they're sorry asses once I get out of here.

The small space didn't bother her, but she knew her oxygen supply wouldn't last forever. She needed to get out. Rachel managed to push the top of the casket off and took a deep breath before she dug through the dirt, climbing towards the surface.

Grace and Ruby bolted out of the car and ran for Rachel's grave, arriving just in time to see a grimy, dirt covered hand emerge from the ground. For a second Rachel grabbed feebly at air and then was yanked upward, falling into the happy arms of an overjoyed Grace.

“Oh Rachel, you're back, you're really back! I thought I'd never see you again!” she sobbed, her arms around Rachel in an iron grip as she buried her face in her best friend's shoulder. Rachel couldn't help but hug her back, tears shimmering in her own eyes. She let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding, relieved to be back. After calming Grace down Ruby told her how happy she was to have Rachel back as well, hugging her. Rachel hugged her back, murmuring how good it was to see Ruby. After that they all got into the Impala and on the drive home, Grace explained the deal they had made with Crawley.

“So let me get this straight. You gave up your powers and demon blades to resurrect me and you're human now? Do Dean and Sam know?” Rachel asked.

“Um….well no. They don't know. Dean and Sam wanted to try to bring you back like they do everyone else in their infamous family, but Bobby wouldn't have it. He didn't tell me or Ruby not to though, so we figured we'd give it a shot. I'm so glad it worked! You would not believe how much everyone has missed you!” Grace responded, giving her the short version of what had transpired since she'd been gone. Rachel's next question was inevitable.

“How's Cas?”

Ruby and Grace exchanged nervous glances. Sighing, Grace murmured, “He's not doing all that great. The day of your funeral, after the service was over, he just went up to your room and didn't come out for awhile. We tried to speak to him, comfort him, but he wanted to be left alone. We thought if we gave him some time that he'd come out of it, but he's just gotten worse. He's drunk almost all of the time now. Cas is so depressed that it's all I can do not to burst into tears when I look at him. Your death literally broke his heart. It was so bad that Dean and I left to go off hunting. Yeah, I know, some friends we were, right?”

Rachel's expression was unreadable and she didn't say anything right away, so Ruby picked up the conversation where Grace had left off. “So anyway, Sam and I stayed behind for a good week after Dean and Grace had left, but Cas barely came out of his room. The only times he did was to get more vodka or go to your grave, which he visited every day by the way. He didn't want to talk about you to any of us and most of the time, if not for the scent of alcohol, we wouldn't' even have known he was alive. He hasn't handled your death at all well. I don't think he knows how to cope.”

“And you just left him there?” Rachel sounded a little annoyed. Grace and Ruby exchanged glances. “We didn't do it on purpose. We were having a hard time too. It isn't like we left Cas on his own, Bobby stayed with him.” Ruby said.

“You should have seen Cas today. He got so mad at Dean. I've never seen him so angry before.” Grace murmured.

“What stupid thing did your husband say this time?” Rachel murmured, knowing it wasn't the first time that Dean had made Cas angry.

“Dean said that you wouldn't want Cas to live like he is, being drunk, depressed, anti social, etc. and that he should just move on.” Grace replied.

Rachel sucked in a breath and rolled her eyes. “That idiot. That was the wrong thing to say I'm sure.” Grace nodded. “Yeah, Cas blew up on Dean, screaming at him that he hadn't lost his wife or child in the same day and that he had no idea of what it felt like. Then he got up and stumbled out of the kitchen, but don't worry because Sam helped him up the stairs and made sure he didn't fall.”

“I'm sorry he isn't handling it well. I never thought he'd turn to alcohol. I always thought that if something happened to me that he'd become a cheeseburger addict before an alcoholic.” Rachel murmured.

“Yeah, Grace tried to get him to eat something, but he wouldn't. He really should now that he's mortal.” Ruby said. Rachel's eyes widened. “Cas is mortal? Does he know?”

“Yeah, he knows. I get the feeling he doesn't like it either. Then again, we'll all have to get used to it.” Grace mumbled, sounding a little wistful.

“That's right. We're mortal now. We'll have to sleep, eat, drive to places, and all sorts of other things that we previously didn't have to even think about.” Ruby muttered.

Rachel sighed. “Well, at least we're all human now. I wonder how we'll ever get anything done though.”

“Well Sam and Dean manage too, so I'm sure we'll be just fine.” Grace murmured. She pulled into the drive and parked the car. All three of the girls quietly got out of the car and soundlessly opened the back door, tiptoeing through the kitchen and up to the bedrooms.

“Do you think I can go in there? I don't want to wake him up or anything.” Rachel murmured, looking at her door. Grace smiled. “You'll be fine. A hurricane couldn't wake him up, I've tried. Cas is completely out of it.”

Rachel turned the knob, wincing as it slowly creaked open. Looking behind her she saw that Grace and Ruby had left. Slipping silently into her room, she padded soundlessly across the floor and into her bathroom, noiselessly shutting the door behind her. Luckily the full moon was out and it's bright light shone through the window, giving her enough illumination to see.

Looking in the mirror as she stripped off her soil covered clothes she saw that her face was smeared with dirt. Her face was paler than it had previously been, her eyes seemed darker. Clumps of earth were in her hair and her skin felt grimy and dusty. She turned the shower on and stepped inside, grateful that the warm water would wash all of the filth and mud away. Even though Rachel wanted to linger under the hot spray from the showerhead, she decided not to tempt fate and was done cleaning herself off and washing her hair rather quickly. Stepping out of the shower, she wasted no time in speedily toweling herself dry. Brushing her wet hair quickly, she once again soundlessly opened the door and glided like a ghost across the wooden floor to her closet, surprised to find the door ajar. Grabbing a sleeveless white dress, she slipped it on and walked over to the bedside, looking down at her sleeping husband.

Her eyes widened as she took a step back, the potent scent of alcohol slamming into her and making her eyes water and her nose wrinkle. She could see that he hadn't shaved in weeks, the stubble on his cheeks having grown into a short beard. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and even in his sleep he looked weary and grief stricken, as she saw dried tear stains on his cheeks.

She wanted so badly to touch him, kiss him, reassure him that everything would be okay and get better now that she was back, but he turned suddenly in his sleep and for a moment Rachel ceased to breath. He murmured some indistinguishable words and the only one that Rachel caught was her name. For a moment his sad solemn face turned happy, the ravages of time and hurt gone from his features.

Rachel's throat constricted with emotion and her eyes misted. She bit her lip to stop a soft sob, feeling sympathy, pain, and a jolt of guilt for what he must have gone through without her, what he must have felt. Willing herself to turn away before she lost control on her emotions and woke him, Rachel walked mutely out of the room, closing the door behind her.

She walked down the stairs and found Grace and Ruby in the kitchen, whispering quietly and drinking coffee. They looked up and smiled, offering her a cup. Sitting down beside them, she listened to the adventurous tales about the numerous hunts they had been in during the past few weeks. After that Rachel told them about Castiel, how sad and tired he had looked and how she hadn't had the heart to wake him, no matter how badly she wanted to. They looked at her sympathetically, murmuring words of comfort, reassuring her that once he knew she was alive and well that Castiel would be fine. For the next few hours they talked and lost all track of time, knowing that they would have to be more careful now that they were all mortal. Eventually they all grew hungry, hearing their stomachs rumble, and decided it was time to fix breakfast. In between making waffle batter and cooking some eggs over easy, Bobby walked in. His eyes widened and for a moment he was speechless, seeing Rachel sitting at the kitchen table, smiling warmly at him as if she'd never left.

“Well you're going to hug her aren't you?” Grace said laughingly, noting Bobby's dumfounded expression. Rachel got up and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for keeping an eye on Cas.” She whispered. After a moment of stiffness and shock, Bobby got his bearings and hugged her back, his voice thickening with emotion as he told Rachel how glad he was to have her back and how much he had missed her, adding that watching Cas hadn't been an issue because that's what friends were supposed to do. He wasn't even slightly embarrassed as tears streamed down his face, happy to have her home. Once they had both pulled away from the embrace, Bobby looked over at Grace and Ruby, who were grinning like the unashamed, conniving women they were. “I'm not even going to ask what deal you made.” He murmured, happiness overriding the anger he would have felt had it been anyone but them.

A second later Sam came down the stairs, although when he saw Rachel standing in the middle of the kitchen he nearly fainted. Shock coursed through him as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened, his mind scrambling to comprehend what he was seeing. “Rachel……you-you're…..back....” he stuttered. Her happy smile spurred him into action and before she even had time to blink, Sam grabbed her in a tight hug and stammered how glad he was to see her, telling her how much everyone had missed her since she'd been gone. He didn't try to hold back his tears either, happiness and calm consuming him. Rachel murmured that she'd missed him as well and hugged him.

Once he let go, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and looked toward the doorway as Dean sauntered in, a half asleep and surprisingly sober Castiel walking behind him. Dean opened his mouth to speak but the instant he saw Rachel the words died in his throat. Castiel's grey eyes widened and his face paled, shock jolting through him and instantly waking him up. For a long moment no one said anything. Rachel took a step toward Castiel, but before she could speak Dean blocked her view, grabbing her in a tight hug. Hugging him back, she realized that her husband was no where to be seen.

“Rachel, it's so good to see you. I don't care what sort of deal Grace or Ruby made, I'm glad you're back.” his voice was thick with emotion and Rachel heard the tears in his words. Her eyes misted slightly, never having thought about how much Dean would miss her, or any of her other friends for that matter. Up until that moment, she never dreamed of how much they would have grown to love her, or how lost each of them would feel when she was gone. She hugged him back out of reflex, softly murmuring how good it was to be home, thanking him for taking care of Grace. Dean managed to choke out that it wasn't a problem and that Rachel had better not ever leave them like that again. Smiling and trying not to cry, she promised she wouldn't. Pulling away from Dean's embrace, she looked around, feeling slightly worried as she asked where Castiel had gone.

“I think he went to the library. He was out of vodka.” Dean said, wiping the tears off of his face. Rachel licked her lips and nodded, padding barefoot across the wooden floor of the living room and into the library.

She found him standing in front of the fireplace, a bottle of vodka in hand, dismayed to find it already half empty. Taking a deep breath and willing her nervous heart to slow, she silently walked over to him.

“…….Cas?.....”, she softly whispered, taking the bottle out of his hand. For a moment he didn't respond, a shudder going through him as he heard her voice. The heartbreaking notes of concern and worry in it made him want to weep. He turned to look at her, unshed tears glimmering in his grey eyes, unsurprised to see her. In fact, he looked pained, agonized.

“You must be a ghost, a reaper, or maybe I've finally just gone mad.”, he whispered bitterly, his voice breaking, threaded with sadness and harshness, sounding almost darkly amused.

“I am none of those things. It's really me Cas. I'm not an illusion of your mind, you aren't hallucinating. It's me. Rachel. How could you do this to yourself ?”, she murmured softly, tears of regret and pity glistening in her dark eyes as she reached up to touch his cheek. He grabbed her hand and gripped it tightly, his eyes sparkling with menace and rage. “Don't you dare touch me you devil. If you mean to take my life then do it now. Don't leave me here to suffer any longer. Can't you see that living without her is punishment enough?”, he barked, pain and sorrow making Rachel wince. A shadow of hurt crossed her face as she realized that he didn't believe her.

“Cas….” she whispered brokenly, choking back a sob. He had to believe her, he just had to. He grabbed her arms and yanked her to him, intent on snapping at her about toying with his emotions, but he suddenly froze. He could feel the warmth from her skin, smell her unique scent, see her chest rise and fall as she breathed. With sudden clarity he realized that he was mortal and wouldn't be able to see a reaper. She wasn't transparent like a ghost and he would like to believe that he hadn't completely lost his mind yet. He knew he hadn't consumed enough alcohol yet to start hallucinating, and she felt so alive. The hurt look on her face and the tears shimmering in her eyes opened the floodgates and Castiel's broken heart began to piece itself back together as he realized that she was indeed real and telling the truth.

“Rachel…..oh Rachel…..I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry….” He choked, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her neck, tears pouring down his face. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and held him, her own tears falling from her eyes as she heard his sobs and felt his body shudder. Her heart contracted painfully in her chest as she heard the anguish and agony in his voice, the sadness and pain. It broke Rachel's heart that he had felt that way, even for a moment.

“I thought I'd never see you again. I lost you. I felt you die in my arms. You were so cold Rachel, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't save you….”, he gasped out in between sobs. Rachel held him tighter. “I know honey, I know. Don't worry, I'm here now. You won't ever be alone again, I promise.” she whispered softly, trying her best to console him and take away his grief, his pain. After his sobs had quieted she pulled away from him the slightest bit, looking up at him and smiling such a beautiful, light filled smile that Castiel couldn't help but smile back, his spirit soaring as he let the realization sink in that his wife was truly there with him.

Reaching up, she cupped his cheek with her soft hand. “I love you Cas…..but you need to take a shower and shave.” She said softly, her eyes shining in amusement. They both smiled, sharing a blissful moment of happiness, and Rachel giggled as he kissed her, the his facial hair tickling her face. They kiss was long, deep, slow, the love between them felt with every breath they took and every beat of their hearts. Once they had managed to pull reluctantly away from each other, Rachel grabbed Castiel's hand and let him into the living room. He, along with Sam, Dean, and Bobby, listened as Grace and Ruby explained the deal they had made. Surprisingly, no one seemed too mad or worried about it. Afterward Castiel excused himself to shave and take a much needed shower. Rachel drifted into the kitchen with everyone else and they all sat down to eat breakfast. A few minutes later Castiel joined them and over waffles, bacon, and eggs, they all talked happily for the next hour, the conversation light and merry. Everyone was overjoyed to have Rachel back, none more so than Castiel, who laced his fingers with hers under the table, giving her a certain look every now and again that was meant for her alone. He truly loved her with all his heart and as she met his gaze and smiled back at him, he vowed to never lose her again.

“You know what I just realized? We're all human. That's going to take some getting used to.” Dean said.

“Well hey, at least you can't get zapped anywhere anymore. I guess that means we can throw the laxatives away, considering you won't have to worry nearly as much about constipation.” Grace said laughingly. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Make sure you keep those little blue pills though. He might still need them.” Sam murmured. Dean glared at him and before Sam could blink he had egg all over his face, compliments of an annoyed Dean. Sam threw a syrup covered waffle at him in retaliation and the fight was on. Dean threw a half empty cup of orange juice at Sam and it soaked half of his shirt. Some of it got on Ruby and she grabbed some milk, purposely drenching both Dean and Grace with it before she herself was nailed with the syrup.

Rachel had enough foresight to duck under the table before the heavy artillery began and Bobby scooted his chair out of the target zone. Castiel joined her too, narrowly missing getting hit by a flying waffle.

“What, are they five?” Rachel groused. Castiel shrugged, grinning mischievously as he reached up and grabbed the syrup off the table.

“Castiel,” Rachel murmured, giving him a glare, her voice tight with a subtle warning, “you had better not-…” her sentence was cut short as he squirted a big glob of syrup on her, the sticky substance coating her chin and sliding down her neck. Some of her hair had been caught in it too.

“You. Are. Dead.” She snapped, launching herself at him. He caught her and they rolled out from under the table. Rachel managed to squirm out of his hold and bolted up off of him, grabbing the leftover waffle batter off of the counter and hurling it at him. She didn't miss her mark, the plastic bowl hitting him square in the chest and coating his shirt with the batter. She couldn't suppress the laughter that bubbled up out of her throat, running for the living room. Castiel tackled her and they both skidded across the wooden floor, laughing all the while. Thankfully the unprecedented food fight was soon over and everyone cleaned up the mess they had made.

Everyone but Bobby was covered in food in some manner or another, and after they all got cleaned up and Castiel finally shaved, they took the rest of the afternoon to relax and get used to being human. In the late afternoon they received a visit from Cassie and Heather, who were happy that Rachel was back but at the same time perplexed that the former immortals were all human. Grace and Ruby explained the deal they had made to bring Rachel back and even though the angels weren't happy that the two had bargained with a demon, seeing the happy expressions on everyone's faces some how made all if it seem worth it. Cassie asked Rachel who the Guardian would be now that she was mortal, but Rachel murmured that she didn't know. They wished her and everyone else well, promising to keep them informed of the events that transpired in the Heavens and vanished.

The early evening found Sam and Ruby sitting at the kitchen table, using Sam's laptop to research some ancient myths and legends while alternately playing some fun online games. Grace and Dean were sitting in the living room watching some movies and Bobby was sitting at his desk doing research on some possible leads for a hunt.

Castiel and Rachel had wandered outside, sitting on the porch, talking and watching the sun set as it slowly sank below the horizon. Once the moon and stars had come out they grabbed a blanket and spread it out in the yard. They lay down side by side, barefoot, listening to the night sounds of crickets chirping as a warm light breeze caressed their faces. Castiel wrapped an arm around Rachel and she sighed, laying her head on his chest, content to watch the stars with him in silence, his warm and loving presence being all the company she needed and making words unnecessary.

“So, how does it feel, being human?” Rachel whispered after what seemed like an eternity, breaking the silence.

“It's not so bad. The important thing is that you're alive and with me again. If I have to stay mortal to keep you by my side, then so be it. Being God wouldn't be worth losing you.” He softly whispered back. Rachel couldn't help but smile, looking up at him and feeling a rush of affection and warmth. He looked down from the midnight skies and the beautiful twinkling stars into Rachel's dark eyes, deciding he liked looking into them much more. Their lips met and their mouths fused in a kiss, and for a long time neither one was able to pull away, not that they wanted to. Tiptoeing soundlessly inside later that night, they noticed that Grace and Dean had fallen asleep on the couch. Walking past the entryway to the kitchen, Ruby and Sam were also asleep. The soft snores they heard coming from the library told them that Bobby was slumbering as well. It was late though, and with a yawn Rachel remembered that no matter how arduous it seemed, sleep was a necessity for mortals. Castiel stifled and yawn as they walked up the stairs and Rachel gave him a tired smile. No matter how tired they were however, there was one thing on their minds that they needed to get out of the way before they succumbed to the gentle whispers of rest.

Once the bedroom door was shut behind them they slowly and meticulously took their time exploring each other's bodies, knowing that hardly anyone was ever given a second chance like they had been. After making love slow, easy, and gentle they cuddled and whispered warm words of tenderness and love, content to never leave the warm, safe embrace they had wrapped themselves in. Two halves, finally reunited, they fell asleep in each other's arms.