Tekken Fan Fiction ❯ Private Fury ❯ Tank You! ( Chapter 3 )

Lei: Now I want you all to listen carefully, soldiers! Today the general will be coming to inspect our base! This is a very important visit, so I am going to see to it that all of you work your hardest! I will make sure that by the time the general arrives, this will be the cleanest, most efficient base he has ever laid eyes upon! Now as I go around, I shall assign each of you work to perform!

Bryan: Bastard's probably gonna give me something like toilet inspector...

Lei: Bryan, you're going to be in charge of cleaning the tanks!

Bryan: ...you want me to take care of the tanks?

Lei: I don't trust you, so I'm giving you the only job that I don't think even you can screw up!

Bryan: Why the hell are you yelling at me when I'm right in front of you?

Lei: ...right. (continues assigning jobs) P-Jack, you shall be toilet inspector!

(In the tank garage. Yeah, the army keeps its tanks in a garage. It even has one of those doors you can open with a remote)

Bryan: (cleaning a tank with a toothbrush) This sucks. The army sucks. Lei sucks.

(Bryan stares at the tank for a bit, then recalls the time he ripped off the top of one owned by the Tekken Force)

Bryan: These things actually seem kind of cool when you're not tearing the shit out of them...

(Bryan looks around to see if anyone's watching, then climbs inside)

Bryan: What the hell are all these buttons for? (begins to mess around with the controls) That's right, Wulong, run away, I'll catch in time! Mwa hah hah hah! (accidentally sets the tank into motion) Oh, shit! What the hell did I do? Ah, screw this! (jumps out)

(Lei is talking with the general. I decided against making this a Tekken character, because I couldn't honestly picture any of them as a general...maybe Roger)

Lei: As you can see, General, here at our base we strive for excellence in every aspect.

General: I must say, Wulong, this is indeed a fine camp, when I return I shall see to it that...do you hear something?

Lei: No. So you were saying?

General: Oh, right. When I return......Now I'm certain I hear something. Sounds like...

(tank comes crashing through, going straight though several of the barracks)

General: (angrily) Sargeant Wulong, might I ask why a tank would be running loose on your base?

Bryan: That was a close one. I'll have to remember not to do that again.

Lei: FURY!

Bryan: Ah, shit.

(in Lei's office, which now has a hole about the size of a tank in one of the walls)

Lei: Fury, do you have any idea how much damage that tank caused?

Bryan: I don't care, but I know you're going to tell me.

Lei: It didn't stop until it hit the munitions storage!

Bryan: So it stopped.

Lei: It blew up the whole storage facility! Now what the hell do you have to say for yourself?

Bryan: Whoops.

*End Of Chapter 3*

At this point you might have noticed that I was somewhat inspired by Gomer Pyle (damn, that show kicked ass) though this isn't a parody or anything. I didn't rip ideas from past episodes, I came up with my own bad ideas instead, all I really took was the concept of the relationship between the private and the sargeant, with Bryan screwing up shit everywhere and Lei getting pissed off. Maybe I could have Lei hit Bryan with his hat like in Gilligan's island. That would be funny, hitting people with hats always works...And I realize the title for this chapter isn't funny either. That joke's been killed...