Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Goddess Dilemma ❯ Eight ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: NOT FOR YOU! NOT FOR ME! Deal with it.

 

In case you are wondering, the Star Wars saga will not commence until all the other realms listed have been visited, since the others are all of the `in-out' variety. Each saga should be two chapters, except the monster awaiting me at the end. Of course, I might mesh them all in the end . . . a catalyst for something even bigger . . . haven't planned that far yet.

 

The Goddess Dilemma, part eight

 

By: Jim Ohki

 

-(Universe B, Star Trek year 2379)-

 

“The gateway has closed,” reported Washu to those present onboard Tsunami. The Ranma Saotome Crew, Tenchi Masaki Crew, and Seina Yamada Crew all sighed with trepidation. Words were hard to come by since there was much of nothing that could be done at the current moment. Not with Seto being in such a state that universal travel would more than likely kill her. The current vidscreen had a communication line open to the Enterprise-E, and the parties from different universes were at a loss as to the next move.

 

It wasn't the greatest idea to leave the Juraians out here, away from planets and stations native to this plane. The flip side of that coin was that it wasn't the greatest idea to let them mingle with the crowds, as it were. Moral was low, and so it was agreed that those that had remained in this universe could have limited access to DS9.

 

Once the cleanup of the remains of Mikagami were complete, the small fleet set a course to Bajor at full impulse . . .

 

“Let me get this straight,” deadpanned Washu at Seina, “You managed to get Idol here without anybody knowing, including myself?” He chuckled and stuttered, not quite knowing how to answer that. Tsunami had yet to give him a key to the First Generation Juraian Tree, so it came as a great surprise when the Tenchi-ken flew away from the young man named after it to Seina.

 

“Okay, that's new,” intoned Tenchi, bug-eyed at his Master Key moving around on its' own volition. The surprise wore off after a few moments due to it being Seina . . . weird things happen around him after all.

 

“Back up the truck!” demanded Ranma, getting weirded out himself by the goings on, “Just what is this Idol thingy that you mentioned?” He was instantly assaulted by Alexandra, Taki and Xianghua much to the chagrin of the rest of his followers.

 

“I'M SCARED!” they exclaimed as one, knocking Ranma to the floor. All of this tech around them was way out of their league, and it had only been a matter of time before they snapped. Now was apparently a good time to cling to him and ignore everything else around them. Including the current discussion, as sweat drops abound on the rest of those present.

 

“We should merge Idol and Kamidake,” stated Kiriko, getting back to business, “Consolidate what equipment we have.”

 

“What about Mizuki?” wondered Amane, a skeptical look on her face. That and she was doing her best to ignore the developing situation on the floor. “She doesn't have her armor yet.”

 

“It might be possible to merge all three,” interjected Washu, a twitch appearing above her left eye, “But with my lab being in another plane of existence I don't know for certain.”

 

“KNOCK IT OFF!” roared Ukyo and Xian in a co-op move to get Ranma out from under the three women. This royally backfired as they added to the dog pile once Ukyo was tripped. Ranma was frozen by the contact of the girls above him, only able to moan from time to time.

 

“Geez, they're worse than us,” quipped Ryoko H. “At least we wait for some privacy before getting down and dirty.”

 

“RYOKO!” shouted the rest of the Masaki crew, blushing scarlet since what she said was the truth. Highly unnecessary for anybody else to know, but the truth.

 

Those on the Certificate that had not engaged in a rescue attempt did so when a female moan came from the pile, somewhere near Ranma's location. It didn't help in the least that the look of ecstasy had appeared on the only male's face.

 

“HE'S GONNA MELT!” yelled Seina, sharing a knowing look with Tenchi. They both began to slowly back away from the inevitable . . .

 

“Oh, that's just wrong!” exclaimed Nabiki after managing to succeed in literally `getting to the bottom of this'.

 

“Ewwww!” groused Urd, turning away from the sight lest her lunch reappear as a projectile.

 

“Oh my! Guess I'd better do laundry tonight,” said the ever-thoughtful Kasumi, who was acting more like a stunned mother would in this type of situation. Although there appeared to be a wrinkle -frown line?- on her otherwise immaculate face.

 

“What the hell are you doing on my floor?!” roared Sasami, not liking where the entire exchange had been going. That, and it had taken nearly eight hundred years to get the floor this reflective. There would be hell to pay if . . .

 

“YUCK! Off my ship you go!”

 

POOF

 

“AND STAY OUT!” came across the void to Enterprise, scaring the living daylights out of those on duty. It was the ever popular night shift, thus everything was dimmed to match the time.

 

“What in the blazes?” demanded Picard, who had just finished eating dinner with part of his senior staff prior to the poker game. The table was overturned by somebody when all present stood up, poker chips and cards went flying. Klaxons finally came to life two minutes later, adding to the irritation factor.

 

“They're everywhere!” came from the communication panel, followed by the sounds of glass breaking and bodies hitting the floor. The lights flickered, the ship pitched wildly starboard, then all was silent.

 

“Hello, is this thing on?” came Ranma's voice. “Hel~lo! Is anybody out there? I think I broke something here.”

 

“MOVE!” roared Picard at his senior staff, making a rush for the turbolift. Those that had appeared in Data's quarters were ignored in favor of a greater situation. Riker, Troi, Crusher and the aforementioned Data followed their Captain to the turbolift.

 

The bridge of Enterprise had descended into chaos. Most of the stations in the rear of the bridge were trashed, the night shift crew lay about everywhere. The turbolift doors opened, spewing the senior staff into a sea on anarchy.

 

“Maybe this would help,” commented a blonde woman before pressing the control sequence to turn hard port. With the attitude adjusters offline, the ship started to spin like a top, on her nose no less.

 

“Oh for cryin' out loud!” exclaimed a brunette while making a dive for the helm. The two women started to literally wrestle for control of Enterprise, while somebody they knew held on for deal life at tactical.

 

“If you can't control it,” intoned Ranma, “Punch it.”

 

Thus he did, a direct full force punch to the weapons and communications controls. All present on the bridge learned something new about a heavy ki user: ki and electronics don't mix. The entire tactical station arced a few times before exploding, sending shrapnel every which way.

 

“That usually works with Pops,” said a charred Ranma before passing out. Everybody that was near the station when it blew were out like a light, while the apparent experienced pilot of the group got Enterprise leveled out and stationary.

 

“My bridge,” softly spoke Picard, making his crew around him back slowly away. Then one of the saddest sights in his long career became known.

 

“My chair.”

 

It was tipped over, torn, and burnt to a crisp. The chair that had survived Veridian III, the Borg, the Dominion, and several dozen other foes . . . gone.

 

“RUN!” shouted a half dozen officers, making tracks for the `lifts. They were just barely fast enough to avoid the next words out of the Captain's mouth.

 

“Conference room. NOW.”

 

- - - - - - - -

 

“What in the Sam hell is going on here?” demanded Picard once the last of the stragglers had been rounded up and shipped to the conference room behind the bridge. “Better yet, tell us who these other people are, then explain why my ship is now CRIPPLED!” Missing from this impromptu meeting were Worf and Data, since they were assisting with repairs. LaForge was still off of the ship with the fleet at DS9.

 

It seemed that Sasami, in her fit of justifiable rage, had quite literally cleared Tsunami out. Minus Seto, of course. Such a shame for Picard though, since Tsunami pulled a Houdini and disappeared. He now had to deal with twenty-three unruly people. Unruly in the form of something wherever one of them was ceased to function after they touched it. Like that one hovering near Ranma, the female with the red tattoos on her face. She had wound up in Engineering, and simply leaned against the warp core intake manifold regulator adjustment console. Now the intake and exhaust manifolds were fried, the warp core was offline, and even the impulse engines were nonfunctional. Another of the females, one that looked almost like the first except for the facial markings, had appeared in the Auxiliary Weapons Control room. She had an apparent case of displacement sickness, shorting out the weapons control computer.

 

“Good going Ranma,” deadpanned an as yet to be introduced Peorth. “You just couldn't stop yourself.”

 

“Like it was my idea!” he retorted, the directed a glare at those that were lower on the `wild horse' pile. “Just freaking great. Sasami is mad at me, my favorite pants are ruined, and that was not the way I wanted my first time to be.”

 

“You're kidding me,” groused Riker, “All of this because you couldn't keep the horse in the barn?”

 

THUD!

 

“I feel like I'm back home,” whined Ranma, surprising those that knew him. He didn't whine, after all. “Everybody always points the finger at me. Why can't somebody else get blamed first? Better yet, why can't anybody defend me when I get accused of something that wasn't my idea?”

 

“In all truth, the `horse' never left the barn,” commented Washu, one of the few `spokespeople' for the crowd. Thus she was a known element, at least insofar as her name.

 

“That's better.”

 

“It's her fault!” half of those following Ranma around yelled, pointing at each other. With both arms would each of those that were on the bottom of the pile point at somebody else. Most notably the fingers were pointing at Xianghua, Xian, Taki, Cassandra, with Ukyo getting the least amount of this particular blame assigning vote.

 

“What a minute, what's this?” commented Crusher as she made her way over to them. She had spotted something from the other end of the conference room, and this was the best time to investigate. The one she stopped in front of suddenly had this look of fear on her face, looking around nervously hoping that a distraction would take all of the attention off of her. But it was not to be for this one, as Crusher pointed in the direction of her below the belt region. All eyes followed the trail to the wet spot on the spandex body suit of . . .

 

“TAKI! How could you?” demanded Xianghua, while placing her hands on her hips. “Is it not enough that you have that skin-tight full-body spandex suit, which clearly shows that you go commando and . . .”

 

“Oh, do be quiet,” growled Taki in return, leveling a glare at the only other member of the old team to have come into an alternate future.

 

PING

 

“What the hell was that?” demanded Riker, not liking the fact that these people were highly unstable and stuck aboard Enterprise.

 

“Oh, I nearly forgot,” spoke Kasumi, producing a document from the depths of her housewife getup. As soon as she put the piece of apparent paper on the table, a holographic image materialized. The Certificate appears yet again.

 

“What - ?” started to demand Picard, before deciding that the situation didn't merit an ulcer and/or early retirement. Again a memory came to the tip of his brain, refusing to come out but continued to tease him with the familiarity. Thus, he leaned back in his oversized conference chair and watched.

 

“Okay, this is near the top of my Weird-Shit-O-Meter,” offhandedly remarked Tenchi. His group and the groups belonging to his cousins nodded in agreement. In fact, the only three people not to nod at that statement were Ranma, Taki and Kasumi. They were too busy gawking at something presented on the display, which eventually weirded the rest of the RC into looking to see what it was. It was a simple question, really a one liner, but it was enough to get that entire group to be silent at the same time.

 

“Add Taki to Certificate? Y/N.”

 

The cursor sat there, blinking, waiting for a response from the only person that could. The others came out of their silence in an uproar, concentrating on shouting “NO!” as loud as they could. Ranma was frozen, especially after having shared a look with Taki. A slight motion got Ranma to turn his head to his left, and he could see Kasumi out of the corner of his eye giving him a thumbs-up.

 

Wait a minute, Kasumi in favor of adding more to this list of life-partners? Something was off about that, but the hopeful look in her eyes wasn't missed by Ranma. Although he hoped to have a conversation with her in private later.

 

Those crowded into the conference room stopped making any noise when Ranma's right hand began to move towards the holographic interface. They stopped breathing when his right index finger became the only one pointing in the forward direction that the hand continued to travel. There was a slight pause, then Ranma pushed the key that gave his answer.

 

PING

 

UPDATE TO CERTIFICATE:

 

HUSBAND: Ranma Saotome (Aqua transsexual, human/god/demon/alien hybrid (File CLASSIFIED))

 

Wife One: Nabiki Tendo (Mercenary, human (File Viewable))

 

Wife Two: Kasumi Tendo (Peacemaker, human (File Viewable))

 

Wife Three: Ukyo Kuonji (Cook, human/god hybrid (potential unknown) (File Viewable))

 

Wife Four: Xian Pu A.K.A Shampoo (Cook, Warrior, human/demon hybrid (potential unknown) (File Viewable))

 

Wife Five: Urd Odinsdotter (Goddess, troublemaker, god/demon hybrid (DANGER! DANGER! File Viewable))

 

Wife Six: Peorth Christchild (Goddess, French, goddess (File Viewable))

 

Wife Seven: Hild Demonsqueen (Demon Overlord, Yin to the Yang, unknown origins (File CLASSIFIED))

 

Wife Eight: Taki MoonShadow (Ninja, human (File Viewable))

 

Wife Nine: She's almost convinced, and she will act soon . . .

 

UPDATE COMPLETE, THANK YOU FOR USING WifeXP 3.4.1.

 

“Well, this is most certainly better that the Wife2000 version that we were using,” groused Peorth, “At least this one will say thank you.”

 

“What did the other one say?” asked Mihoshi, fully engrossed in the sarcasm that she missed.

 

“Fuc -”

 

“NO! Don't you dare say that!” chastised Urd in a surprise counter maneuver to her usual behavior. “How many times do I have to say I'm sorry for letting Mara get a hold of the base OS for 2000?”

 

BANG

 

All eyes focused on Picard, who had had enough of the silliness that these people had brought aboard his ship. Taking note that the holographic display was still there, yet unable to read it, and ignoring it in favor of the more pressing issues, he demanded the full attention of those in the room.

 

“While you are still . . . `guests' aboard my ship,” he growled, “You will follow my directives to the letter. First off, none of you are permitted on the Bridge, in Engineering, Weapons Control or any other sensitive part of this ship. Secondly, I don't have enough quarters to give to each of you. There will have to be some double-bunking, to be decided by -”

 

“Hold it right there,” spoke an irritated Tenchi, “Believe it or not we only need three quarters amongst the lot of us. Sir.”

 

“Are you mad?” asked Riker with both of his eyebrows raised. He glanced in the direction of Deanna, and noticed that she had the same look on her face.

 

“Nope, not in the slightest,” answered Seina for his cousin. “Watch. All right girls, FORM UP!”

 

Once the dust -Picard wanted to know where it came from- settled, the three males of the conflagration were isolated in pockets of women. The Starfleet personnel were dumbfounded by this development, and tried to voice their opinions as such.

 

PING; PING

 

“Now what?” deadpanned Picard, who was already so deep into a headache that not even Beverly would be able to get rid of it. He and his staff watched as whatever piece of technology that they had that was pinging for attention appeared.

 

“Uh oh,” intoned Washu, slightly miffed at the lack of airtime. “Seina, now I know why Tenchi-ken flew to you. Idol has been trying to contact you for the last forty-five minutes on a matter of great urgency.”

 

“Okay, so that explains the occasional `knock-knock' I've been hearing,” sweated Seina, “I really wish somebody would tell me these things before they happen.” With that said, he tuned out the waking world to answer the mental door to Idol.

 

While that was happening, a report came from the bridge about an unknown object appearing two thousand kilometers off the starboard bow. An image was piped into the conference room of a two-hundred meter tall mecha.

 

“That would be Idol,” Washu informed the others that didn't know, “It's older than most star systems, life forms, and various other spatial anomalies. Nobody knows who built her, but she definitely packs a wallop.” After hacking the Enterprise computers again, a video began playing. “Here we see Idol in action against a fleet of Pirate ships.” She paused in her monologue to let the video catch up, “And here is Idol defending a planet from the full power shots fired by the Pirates and Galaxy Army. The GA was smart enough to surrender before any of their ships were lost.” Another pause as the playback continued, then the great finale. “Last but not least is Idol literally pulling a ship out of hyperspace. Then compacting said ship in an artificial black hole.”

 

“My God, who controls this thing?” gasped Troi, before all eyes zeroed in on Seina.

 

“Oh no, Seto's gonna kill me . . .” whined the boy in question, shoulders drooping and head sagging. Silence reigned as the others present waited for him to finish.

 

“What is it man? C'mon, spit it out!” encouraged Ranma, which caused Seina to further sag into himself before looking at Tenchi.

 

“Two words: Minaho. Stowaway.”

 

DONK

 

Those that knew of her were instantly slack jawed while the rest were simply confused. Then at once did the voices of the TMC and SYC start up, further adding to any headaches that had already sprung up.

 

“GET HER OUTTA THERE!” came Tenchi's voice over the turboprop noise of his followers, followed by no less that a dozen “YEAH's”.

 

“You're kidding, another unknown to bring aboard my already crippled ship?” demanded Picard, which earned him a few death glares from those at the other end of the conference table.

 

“Try my Third Aunt,” evenly stated Tenchi, effectively getting the Captain out of his self-imposed funk of not thinking. Said person sighed, rubbed the bald spot on his head, and tried again.

 

“Just out of curiosity, is there a family tree I could see to prevent such un-pleasantries in the future?” Ah, much better. Now the man is thinking rationally, even though his rage was pretty justifiable. Of course, now that he had to ask for it, the wall going along the length of the table turned into a giant holographic display. Starting from the bottom, at Tenchi, Seina, Ranma and their . . . situations, the family tree blossomed directly into Sephiroth - The Tree of Life, The World Tree, The Beginning and the End, and the eighty-five other names that had been tacked on over the millennia.

 

“Wow, didn't know that would happen,” offhandedly remarked Urd, “But then again, being cut off from Yggdrasil Control like this I'd bet good Sake on Father knowing about this.”

 

As they watched, several new branches appeared. Most had no name attached, some had blurry names. But still the tree continued to grow, with the only three males as the trunk. The diagram of the tree stopped with the three simply because going any farther back would create several paradoxes, especially like the situation with Ayeka, Sasami and Tenchi.

 

“Captain, may I?” hinted Seina, at least asking before doing on this one. He received a hand wave as his answer, then got Idol to deposit Minaho in the conference room before moving off and cloaking again.

 

POOF

 

“What in the - ?” began Minaho, taking in her surroundings before spotting Seina. “I'm so glad I found you!”

 

GLOMP

 

“Captain Picard, I'd like you to meet Minaho Masaki,” said the boy in question while ignoring the half-lidded death glares coming form the others in his camp. “Minaho, this is Captain Picard of the United Federation of Planets . . .”

 

-(Universe A, Ranma year 2005)-

 

Whoa, what happened here? The ruckus caused when Yukinojo had returned had died down to nothing, since there was really nothing that could be done to rectify the situation. Insofar as rescuing those that needed to be. But before anybody could blink, Tokimi had reappeared and `borrowed' Akane for her meeting with Kami-sama.

 

So, all of these visitors to the Third Marble from the sun, in the Sol system, in the upper arm of the Milky Way galaxy, somewhere in the midst of the universe sat around twiddling their thumbs.

 

“Uh, excuse me?” came a male voice, from directly behind the command staff of the mobile Galaxy Police Emergency Command Center. Every eye whipped around to the voice, only to see what the natives considered advanced camera technology pointed in their collective faces.

 

“Ah crap, the natives!” exclaimed somebody in the back, before making a break for a paper sack. Apparently they weren't going to take any sort of fall on this debacle. All of the lower level personnel cleared out, leaving Airi and Mikami to handle this on their own.

 

“Can we help you?” asked Airi, since she outranked Mikami. Although there was going to be hell to pay later when the Juraian Council found out about this. There was supposed to be NO contact whatsoever with the native humanoids of Earth, due to being too technologically and mentally unprepared for being brought up to speed on the galactic scene.

 

“Yeah,” came the reply, “you can start with just what you're doing on our planet!”

 

Oh yeah, this was going to take a while indeed. As Airi met the Earth population via that wonder of science, several people managed to lock themselves in the Tendo compound without being noticed. Soun, Nodoka, Mousse, Ryoga who for some reason refused to get lost, Nightmare, Kilik, Yunsung, Ivy (see, not every female followed Ranma!), Maxi and Lucia did something that was a rarity for such a group of fighters and whiners to do.

 

Sit back and relax. They could really do much of nothing, just like everybody else, so they sat around the Tendo place drinking tea, sake, water, soda (where did that come from?) and snacking on whatever they could find.

 

Well, this shows that while our antagonists are in another dimension, those awaiting their return in the primary plane are dealing with mundane and boring fic filler. Hey, at least they got some air time.

 

-(Universe B, Star Trek year 2379)-

 

“Damn it,” grumbled Picard as he shifted in the recently replicated chair that had replaced his old one. It had taken him almost twenty years to get the last one comfortable to his standards, and he was hoping it wouldn't take another twenty to get this chair `broke in'. Turning to his First Officer he spoke, “Status report.”

 

“The impulse engines and sensors are back online,” answered Riker, reading from his own ship's status display screen. “Communications, weapons, shields, transporters and warp drive are still offline. At least we can move now, sir.”

 

“Resume course for DS9. Number One, you have the bridge,” were the two orders issued before Picard made tracks for a more comfortable chair.

 

-(Ambassadors Quarters, Deck Eight)-

 

Since the revelation that the massive group only needed three different quarters for the duration of their stay, they were placed in three out of the five available on deck eight. It took some cajoling on the females part for MUCH larger beds, but only ten minutes into the argument did Picard cave. Mostly it had to do with just wanting some peace and quiet. The rest had to do with a replicator, something that was supposed to be dead but still moving, and being told `give in or eat'. That last bit was courtesy of Nabiki, who had surprisingly found a recipe from Akane that the computer could `vomit' - replicate for the Captain.

 

Having decided to turn in for the night, the groups of the cousins separated for the first time in nearly two days. Ranma by far was having the most difficult time, since the only sound coming from Tenchi's and Seina's quarters was a constant thumping noise.

 

And no, we will NOT go into either of those rooms to see what the . . . situation was.

 

“Oh come on,” quipped Nabiki, who along with the majority of the followers, was in the process of cajoling Ranma for quality time.

 

“Ain't gonna happen,” she, yes SHE, retorted, having pulled a bedroll from somewhere and spread it out in the `living room'.

 

“And we went to all of this effort of learning how to work a replicator,” chimed in Kasumi, making Ranma snap her head around to see what the older Tendo was talking about only to snap it back the other way just as quickly. Those on the bane of Ranma's existence had decided that a `shopping' trip was in order to get the sex-changing martial artist to loosen up. The technology of this alternate future reality thingy was so user friendly that after five minutes of instruction from the computer, they had . . . intimate night apparel. At least some of them.

 

A baby-blue teddy for Kasumi, a white dotted satin ruffle baby doll for Nabiki, an undersized nightshirt for Ukyo (ended just below her bottom), and a navy blue lace nightie for Peorth. The others . . . well, Xian and Taki were most comfortable butt naked since that was the way they had grown up, while Hild and Urd were just being `troublemakers' by following the Amazon and the Ninja.

 

Those not on the Certificate were trying desperately to get some shut eye, not that it was possible since Ranma herself was a topless-boxers type. Oh, and the fact that there was only one comfortable place to sleep. Not to mention that damned rhythmic thumping coming from either side of their quarters.

 

Tenchi and Seina had been cornered by those in the Ranma camp about taking the quarters on either side of their own. They had a very good idea that those in the respective camps of the cousins were going to be busy tonight. They had hoped that this would motivate Ranma into action.

 

“GODDAMNIT, BE QUIET!” roared the female Ranma at the walls, hoping the thumping would go away. Not that she noticed the twitch that Urd and Peorth experienced at the expletive. It didn't work as whoever was the motor in the other two rooms picked up the tempo.

 

“Ah jeez,” complained Karin as she crawled out of the comfortable bed, forgetting that she was hiding there because she herself was a nighttime nudist. She shocked the rest of the women present by manhandling a female Ranma into the King3 Size bed. “Now would you just go to sleep!” she demanded, rolling over onto her left side.

 

“I . . . I . . .I-I-I-I-” stammered Ranma, before fainting with a minor nosebleed. Those that remained conscious blinked owlishly for a few moments before shrugging their shoulders and piling onto the small island of Ranma.

 

“Definitely not a pervert,” commented Nabiki to anybody that would listen. Now if only they could locate the light switch . . . seems nobody bothered to tell them the magic words.

 

Time passed. People slept. But all good things must come to an end. Here we have the prime example of what happens when people awaken for the first time in a strange place.

 

“HUH? WHERE -”

 

“N'gh, b'quiet, sleep now good . . .”

 

“Would you stop touching me?”

 

“Uh, that isn't me. Aren't you the one touching me?”

 

So many eyes snapped open at once that it was almost audible. The mass of bodies tried to untangle themselves, only to bother the last one asleep.

 

“Damn it, stop moving. Comfortable. Nice pillow. ZZZzzz -.” Yes, that would be Ranma, proving that she can sleep through anything. The only two not affected by the weird and bizarre were Xianghua and Cassandra, since sometime during the night they had been booted off of the island. Everybody else, these would be those on that piece of paper, had been pushed to the bottom of the formation, leaving Ranma up top to stretch out and find the `nice pillow'.

 

Time to step back and see just what kind of mess Ranma's in now . . .

 

As was noted, she was on top of those on the Certificate. Somehow during the night, before all present fell into REM sleep and the point were the other two got booted, Ranma . . . well, she had staked a claim to many a valley between two hills. More to the point, she had staked the hills themselves, kind of like a full body pillow. While it was a good thing that the female Ranma turned out to be light as a feather, it was not a good thing for those that had a new sensation.

 

After getting Cassandra and Xianghua to lift Ranma off of them, each person that had spent the night on the bed discovered something new about their `husband'. The duo placed Ranma back on the bed since there was no need to hold her up.

 

“He drools?” quipped a grossed out Ukyo, noting that wonderful stiff patch of skin associated with dry drool. She got several nods in confirmation, either from those with the dry drool or those that had moist drool. In a very peculiar spot.

 

“What, he was never breast-fed?” groused Nabiki while making tracks for the sonic shower. While all of this was occurring, nobody noticed the slight look of concentration that had appeared on Ranma's face. Nobody noticed the slight muscle clenching.

 

She felt the urge, so she purged. It was silent, that much was known. Nobody else even had the faintest idea that there was something new to be learned about Ranma. Even as a she, there was no doubt about her male persona still being there. It took it a minute to reach the shower, were the others were getting instruction from the computer on how to use it. When it hit, eyes watered. Everybody tried breathing through their mouths. Then the blame-game started, nobody the wiser . . . until the Tendo sisters remembered something.

 

“Wait a minute,” said Nabiki with her right arm raised to stall the others, “this is something we have encountered before. There's only one true way to combat this evil stench.”

 

“Oh no, when did Ranma get a hold of Akane's cooking?” offered Kasumi, looking innocent of the fact that she had just spilled the beans.

 

“It's that bad?” questioned Ukyo, “I mean the . . . wonderful aroma we've discovered here.”

 

“What, you think that iron stomach doesn't get upset from time to time?” returned Xian, getting in on the conversation. She had decided to drop the `uber-sex-kitten stupidity act' in favor of acting her age. “Why do you think the Cat Café never had to be fumigated? We'd get Ranma to come over and . . .”

 

“OKAY!” barked Nabiki, putting a stop to that line of conversation. Well, insofar as the previous encounters that encouraged the behavior. “The only way to . . . `cure' him . . . ugh, Kasumi take over! I'm gonna hurl!” And off to the toilet she goes. Kasumi looked lost for a minute, before shaking her head from side to side.

 

“Oh well,” she quipped, “I always get the fun jobs.” Getting a warm glass of water from the replicator, Kasumi headed in the direction of Ranma. She paused to speak over her shoulder, “I would not recommend watching this. It tends to get . . . messy. However, since we are `stuck' together, you should probably learn what it is I'm about to do.” With that having been said, she continued her interrupted trek towards the still sleeping Ranma.

 

SPLASH

 

“What the - ?” started Urd, before realizing that it was just a systems self test. At least, she hoped so. And judging from the looks on the other women's faces, they had the same thought.

 

Need a hint? Use the following formula to get the answer. Morning plus male plus were male spent night.

 

Still lost? Well, it shouldn't effect the rating to say that Ranma, King of Weirdness had a tent sale going on. As the scene fades out, Kasumi is seen pulling at the top of his boxers while trying to flip him over onto his stomach with one hand and a bottle of KY in the other.

 

Even I don't want to know, and I'm writing this!

 

The scene comes back to life with bodies flying around the quarters. The women were forcibly removed from Ranma's path, at least those that tried to get in his way. Nabiki, who was the last in the path to the throne had heard him coming, and dove into the shower stall to avoid injury. Once Ranma was seated, she quickly convinced the others to follow her out of the quarters, regardless if they were dressed or not.

 

Their neighbors, who had begun their day by wandering around sight seeing, were surprised when the quarters used by the Ranma camp suddenly emptied out, except for the man himself. Tenchi and Seina dove for cover considering that four of those women were butt naked.

 

“What is the meaning of this?” demanded Ayeka in her princess voice, then her eyes watered.

 

“Clear the deck!” shouted Ryoko, who was the only fortunate one there. She had the option to breathe. The rest began gagging, trying to breathe through their mouths at the horrendous stench. Klaxons sounded with red flashing lights not two seconds later.

 

“Biogenic weapon detected on Deck Eight, all personnel must evacuate . . .”

 

“Where's Ranma?” demanded Tenchi. Now that there was a reason for action, he could overlook the amount of flesh that was supposed to be reserved for his cousin.

 

“He got a hold of Akane's cooking within the last three days,” explained Ukyo as the entire group made for the turbolift. Those not already in the know had their eyes bulge at that remark. “It was shortly before this craziness began, from what we can tell. His iron stomach had tried to digest it, but this is the result.”

 

“Biogenic weapon detected; Deck Eight, Deck Nine . . .”

 

“It's in the air vents!” exclaimed Seina, “Maybe we should evacuate to Mizuki, or pester Sasami to let us back on board. The entire ship is in danger of smelling like . . . that!”

 

“It'll clear in a few minutes,” assured Kasumi, the voice of experience, “but we have to go to the farthest point from here, preferably up.”

 

“She's right,” concurred Nabiki, “That is not in the air system, but rather the . . . whatever they call it in this century. We have to go up.”

 

And so they crammed into a turbolift. Twenty-two people stuffed inside one designed for at the most six.

 

“UP!” roared the crowd.

 

“Cannot comply, unknown destination,” answered the computer. That caused a panic since nobody had really bothered to demonstrate how to use the lift system. They all started talking at once, trying to argue with a computer that was a step below being an Artificial Intelligence.

 

“BRIDGE!” demanded a crushed Washu, while trying to remove a foot from her head. The lift instantly began to move, much to the delight of the poor sardines . . . people.

 

-(Bridge)-

 

“What the hell is going on?” roared Riker as alarms continued to go off. Worf looked embarrassed, a rare feat for a Klingon, and waved his commanding officer over. Will read the reports streaming across the recently replaced tactical station, and couldn't help himself.

 

THUD!

 

“You're kidding me!” he groused from his new position on the floor. He was back on his feet in a flash, only to come nose to nose with Picard. The Captain did not look pleased.

 

“What did they do now?” he demanded of his XO, “I `walk in the door' and things are already amuck.”

 

“Well,” began Riker, “Sir, uh . . . you had best read this.”

 

As Picard started to read the reports streaming across the tactical display, the `lift doors opened admitting Troi and Data. They both paused seeing the look on the Captain's face, the way Will was fidgeting, and . . . an embarrassed Worf?

 

THUD!

 

Oh, and a now face-planted Jean-Luc. As they made their way towards the station, Will picked off Deanna before she would inevitably become ill. Both noticed that Picard was back on his feet in an instant, and fuming.

 

“Will, what's going on?” asked a more than concerned Troi, “Emotions are running amuck all over the ship. This is worse than what I felt at Quark's on DS9.”

 

“Trust me,” he replied with no lack of several emotions, “You don't want to know. Right now we have a . . . biogenic . . . weapon on the loose in the septic systems. But this thing appears to be alive and moving on its' own . . .”

 

He was cut off when Troi looked towards the aft lift, and then those on the bridge heard it. An excessive amount of people crammed into the lift was about to make their appearance. The doors opened, and flooded the bridge with many a person.

 

It was noted, just barely and only by Data, that those in the Ranma camp were either barely clothed or straight naked. The biggest note was the missing Ranma.

 

“Activate the communications screen in those quarters,” barked Picard, going into full command mode. His order brought the rest of his staff into their own, as they took their stations.

 

“Mute it!” shouted Nabiki, “Trust me, you don't want to hear what he's doing in there!”

 

Worf hesitated, awaiting approval from his captain before following the advice of the civilian. The viewer on the bridge switched to show the interior of the quarters that the RC had used, and almost instantly sound carried.

 

“OH YEAH! MUCH BETTER!” declared Ranma, even though he was off camera. “I wonder were everybody is? Oh well . . . ugh . . . ah crap, not again . . .”

 

“Mute,” stated Picard, knowing what was about to happen. He turned to those that shouldn't be on the bridge, and made a note to ask them about getting dressed so quickly. They had not been on the bridge but two minutes and the nightwear was gone. Everybody watched the viewer, especially considering that there was a shadow produced by the lighting in the bathroom. Occasionally that shadow would lift straight into the air, and that was when the bridge crew became thankful for one of Ranma's followers being on the ship.

 

“Flush the system,” ordered Picard, having looked over Will's shoulder at his display screen. “Hopefully whatever that creature is won't survive the vacuum of space.”

 

His will be done, the septic system was dumped into space. That wonderful blue chemical solution that had proved useful throughout the ages froze instantly, and began it's drift through the nothing. Only as it drifted, the blue block impacted against something.

 

“Well, there's Tsunami,” deadpanned Tenchi, noting that the communications array was going bonkers with hails. “If she was pissed about the floor, I imagine she's livid about the outer hull.”

 

“And we have something to do!” chorused the SYC before disappearing.

 

“Oh yeah, we have stuff to do also!” chimed in the TMC before following their counterparts to wherever they had gone. This left those of the RSC on the bridge when the video feed was turned on. As the only ones present, they got the full force of Sasamis' rant.

 

“What is this? Is in not enough that you get that . . . EEEEWWWW . . . on my floor, now you have to throw blue hail at me?” she demanded, while the rest of her `family' quietly moved in the background.

 

“Give her the feed from the quarters, with audio,” stated Picard, “But keep our end muted. I really don't want to hear whatever it is he is doing.”

 

As soon as the feed from the Ambassadors quarters started, Sasami and those behind her froze. Even though witnessing it from afar, they all turned a little green. Then a few shades of red in embarrassment. While they partook in the entertainment of a fart joke that got out of hand, the Seina crew was busy.

 

No, not that type of busy. That was during the night, now is work time.

 

They had devised a plan to merge their three ships into one, to conserve space and consolidate resources. It most definitely wouldn't look the greatest, but it would work. First off was Idol, having to `lay' on her back (this was determined by getting the galactic axis/plane for this universe), and Mizuki docking with the mecha at the point of entry on the chest cavity. This would allow Seina access to his vessel, with an actual airlock. Once those two were combined, they just had to get the Kamidake merged with them and the process would be complete. The operation was on Mizuki, since Kamidake had to disintegrate for the merge.

 

“Okay Seina,” said Kiriko, “once the merger is completed, have Idol set her arms against the side of her frame and lock the legs straight with her spine.”

 

“Roger,” he replied, “We are primed for merge process. Ready Fuku?”

 

“MIYA!”

 

That was in stereo, as Fuku and her five clones chorused their readiness. It was highly in their favor that the madman Terant Shank had never caught on that the cabbits could in fact work in tandem, increasing their power by a factor of six.

 

It also bode well that the cabbits refused to be separated from Seina by anybody other than those with the authority. Meaning the wives and Seina ONLY.

 

“Commencing merge,” stated Ryoko B., “Disintegration of Kamidake at forty-four percent and climbing, all components stable.”

 

On one of the many vidscreens that had appeared they could see the base shape of Kamidake vanish and reintegrate on various parts of Idol. With both arms of the mecha flat against the sides of the torso, wings appeared starting at the shoulders and becoming wider towards the wrists, giving the combination of three ships something that might provide air maneuverability once properly tested. Each wing, at the widest point, came to fifty feet. Smaller fins appeared on the mechas' feet, providing the appearance of tail fins of an aircraft. The remaining material of Kamidake went to blending and securing the docking port between Idol and Mizuki, giving the completed assembly more of an actual designed look instead of something that was cobbled together.

 

“Linkages nominal,” reported Neju, “All ship components at one hundred percent.”

 

“Weapons cross-linked,” continued Surien, “Green on the board.”

 

“Shields at one hundred percent,” added Gyokuren, “Light Hawk power nominal.”

 

“Engines cross-linked,” stated Karen, “Cooling systems are green.”

 

“Navigation is green,” finished Haruken, “Merger successful.”

 

“Now, what should we call her?” chimed in Amane, not wanting to be left out of the talking. Especially since this was a chance for the entire SYC to get airtime.

 

“That's a good question,” replied Seina, “Any thoughts?”

 

They paused, looking from person to person. While it would be less confusing to anybody they meet if the combined ships were under the same name, they didn't want to make the same mistake a certain ex-suitor for the Crown Princess did.

 

“Mikadol?” blurted Kiriko, then shook her own head. While it did roll easily off the tongue, it reminded her of a sleep aid on Earth.

 

“Something in English, perhaps?” wondered Neju, trailing off as she became lost in thought.

 

“Naw,” responded the others. While they were thinking about a name, another screen appeared.

 

“What the hell did you guys accomplish?” demanded Washu, mad that she was not brought into the loop when they merged the ships.

 

“What it looks like,” answered Seina, scratching the back of his head, “While we were successful in getting the three ships merged, we are hung up on a new name . . . wait a minute.” With a mental command he muted the channel, then turned to the others with a silly grin on his face.

 

“How did you mute the communications on my ship?” asked Kiriko with an eyebrow raised, before it dawned on her that Kamidake and Idol both technically belonged to Seina, thus giving him majority on the systems. Not that she or any of the other females were going to argue the point, it was just the novelty of asking first.

 

“I have an idea for a name,” he stated, ignoring the question, “Washu there got me thinking, one of her sisters has a ship named after her. So why not continue that tradition?”

 

“You want to call this form Washu?” deadpanned Amane.

 

“If not that, what about Tsunami's Sister?” chimed in Minaho, seeing where the conversation was headed. The others threw the name about a few dozen times before nodding their heads in agreement. Granted, it wasn't the a-one best name in the Multiverse, but it fit the best. With the name agreed upon, they turned back to the fuming Washu. After all, being number one means despising being on hold for anything.

 

While that conversation was taking place, the now fleet of three had reached sensor range of DS9. Communications went back and forth between all vessels, most were directed at Enterprise. The USS Lexington, Centaur, Denver, and Hendrix had left the station by the time they had arrived, being needed elsewhere in the Quadrant. The Valhalla, Prometheus, and Colorado were still docked with the former mining station, undergoing the best repairs possible without a dry-dock. On nearby patrol was the Defiant.

 

Ranma, Seina and Tenchi were led to Ops, then into the Colonel's office. Word of the misadventures had reacted the station long before their arrival, and as such Nerys wanted a word or several with the leaders of the band of `riff-raff'.

 

Before Kira could even open her mouth to begin what was supposed to be one of the better tirades in a few decades, another visitor appeared in her office.

 

“Sasami?” questioned Tenchi, not liking the way she had barged into the meeting. She had a look of panic in her face, and quickly fell into her beloveds arms, crying like a newborn.

 

This immediately set off the cousins, both hating that a woman was crying . . . and that she would only cry if something bad had just happened. When they caught the word “Seto” in the sobs, Ranma and Seina suddenly vanished. This surprised Nerys and her command staff that had poured into the room at the pitch of the wailing.

 

“Would somebody tell me what the hell is going on here?” demanded Kira, getting her first words in.

 

Before anybody could answer, the cousins reappeared with a passenger.

 

“Tell me there's a Doc here!” roared Ranma as he carefully set Seto down on a vacant couch. His vocalism brought Sasami out of her crying fit, only to go back in when she turned and saw her grandma laying there, helpless.

 

“Bashir is the name,” spoke a middle-aged man, opening a scanning device over Seto's body. Even a blockhead like Ranma knew when to back up and let a professional work, so he gave the man space.

 

“What happened?” questioned Seina of Sasami.

 

“Every new bondmate I create rejects her,” sighed the Tsunami side of her persona, “They all say the same thing, that she's too old, too ruthless, too vengeful. Even after showing them the download I got from Mikagami before she died, they still say no. I'm out of options, I can't create more than six First Gens in six decades, and I used up that allotment in six HOURS trying to get her a new bondmate. I cannot create Second or lower Generations because those come from Firsts.” Here she paused, and sighed, “This is a first for me, I have never encountered a situation such as this. As much as it pains myself, there is no other option but to let her go.”

 

“Are you insane?” demanded Seina, not quite comprehending the situation, “Can't Seto share a link with one of us? Can't she stay linked directly to YOU?!” by now, Seina was down right roaring in Sasami's face. Only to be pushed back by Tenchi, glaring daggers at the young man for yelling like that. Ranma stepped in, separating the two, defending Seina since he looked weaker than his other cousin. A fistfight broke out between the three cousins, and the view to the others was obscured by a dust cloud. Occasionally would a head, arm, leg or fist appear, only to go back in. Obscenities flowed freely, blending into a long run on sentence that would make Sailors of any race blush.

 

“That settles it, they're not staying here,” remarked Kira, turning towards her XO Ezri Dax, “Once they are done with the pissing match, throw them out the airlock they came in. I will NOT have this type of behavior on my station.”

 

“You're fighting over nothing,” spoke Bashir to the dust cloud, instantly making them stop. They looked at the doctor, then over in the direction of Seto . . .

 

“Time to get home,” stated a stone-faced Tenchi, fists clenched so tight his knuckles turned white. He placed an arm around Sasami's shoulders and mechanically led her towards the lift. Ranma and Seina both bowed to the Doctor before picking up Seto and vanishing . . .

 

TBC

 

Whoa, that was not where I wanted this to go, but a good fic must have some form of tragedy and suspense in it. Not that I'm calling this good, but it was the best place to stop. Well now, this just about closes the ST Saga, now onto something a little more fun . . .

 

Where, you ask? You havta read to find out.

 

Ja!