Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ MST of Space Pirates of Dark water, courtesy of The Angry Young Men ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

The Angry Young men Theater-

Disclaimer-
All characters mentioned in this MST for the exception of myself belong to their respected owners and I make no claims to them. So don't sue me...I have no money anyway...

MST'ers-
Raven
Billy (R.E Zero)
Zorak
Sam 'Serious' Stone (Serious Sam: The next encounter)

"Space Pirates of Dark Water" Is the property of Clatyon Overstreet. I had no part in the actual writing of it (I'll post a Cat-scan of my brain just to prove it...don't think I won't...)

MST'er's note-
I mean absolutely no offense to Clayton Overstreet by writing this and in fact received an e-mail from him about a few months ago giving me the O.K to MST ANYTHING that he had (That, and he won't shut the Hell up about no one MST'ing his stories any more). So, with that being said...

The air of the Brazoria County courthouse was thick and humid (Namely due to the noticeable lack of an A.C) in the early hours of July first. The young thrasher Raven and his slapstick MST'ing crew were among the more distinct socialites in the jurors section (Most likely from the glazed look on their faces) A nameless distance in front of them sat the defendants stand, occupied by three adolescents who could not seem to stop giggling. Across from them, dressed sharply in a Georgia Armani suit that was heavily contrasted with the leer streaked upon his face, was a middle-aged representative from NASA. Like bishops for the King in a chess set, both defendant and plaintiff were accompanied by an attorney who's facial expression, hairstyle and choice of dress merely breaded the words 'Scum of the Earth'.

Raven, who's dirty blonde dreadlocks had been sloppily pulled into a loose pony tail, leaving several locks unaccounted for on both sides of his head, shuffled around uncomfortably in his posh court garb. After extracting a torn piece of paper and matching dying pen from his breast-pocket, he scribbled something down and shoved the note into the hands of Billy. The note, hard to make out with Raven's hieroglyphic-like writing, read,
"Remind me again why we were called out for jury duty of all things?"
The Ex-con's heavy brown eyes scanned over the sentence, than replied on the paper, "The Alvinites seem to think we're pillars of the community now."
Raven face faulted when he was handed the note and quickly responded, "Why the fuck would they think that?!?" with this pass of the scrap of paper, the reminiscence of each man's high-school days awoke from the dead.
"Probably cause we MST lemons and other stupid shit."
"Well, this shit's really starting to cut into our riffing time!"
"Shut the fuck up."
"Fuck you!"
"Fuck you too!"
"You wanna get your ass kic--" Billy's vulgar response was cut short when the leather-clad hand of Sam Stone snatched the paper from him. "What're you guys writin'?" The over-muscled man blatantly shouted as he held it out in front of him. Despite every head in the courtroom already being turned toward them, Billy whispered in a harsh tone, "Nothing, you fucking idiot! Now gimme' that back!"
"Geeze, you don't have to be such a dick about it!" Sam shot back in a pouting voice while crumpling the paper and tossing it behind him (Directly into the lap of another juror)
"Is there something you would like to share with the court, Mr. Stone?" The judge inquired from the front of the room, cutting his juror's fiasco short. Sam froze in his place, leaving the duty of cleaning his mess up to Billy.
"No, your honor. Please proceed with the hearing..." He blurted.

After serenity took the air once more, the whispering begun.
"Thanks alot, ya' godamn blockhead!" Billy hissed toward Serious Sam.
"Well, if you had just let me see it, nothing would have happened at all!" came a hushed retort.
"You grabbed it right outta' my freakin ha--" Billy cut himself off at noticing that his voice was beginning to rise and focused back on the scene in front of him. However it didn't last long before Sam started up again. "So what's this case about anyway?"
"It's about you shutting the Hell up..." Billy muttered under his breath.
"Huh?"
Realizing that he would be more likely to stop talking if his question were answered, the R.E hero sighed and promptly replied, "NASA's suing a few kids that live in Alvin for some kinda' copyright deal..."
"On what grounds?"
"Not sure. Apparently these kids started a space-exploration program of their own and gave all of their instruments and studies vulgar, stupid names. NASA feels insulted and has pressed a lawsuit."

To either get the case off the runway, or simply to shut Billy and Sam up, whose exchange of words was clearly audible to every ear in the room, the defense attorney began his case, in a heavier southern accent than Ma Barker, "It has been called to not only my attention, but the attention of all Brazoria county that a bigwig company like NASA has pressed a lawsuit against a small high school project-inspired business run by a few mere children..." The lawyer's hand waved over to his clients, who had yet to remove the ear-to-ear beam from their faces.
"To say that a company title such as 'Airinoticle Investigative Developmental Studies' (which abbreviated to AIDS) is an unprofessional name is an imbalenced, tainted statement that should not be breathed." The lawyer turned to the jury, in an attempt to capitalize on the dramatic silence (Though it in effect only made things seem cornier). "For Gawd's sake, people! This is slander!"
As these words were spoken Raven bolted up from his seat. "My MST crew and I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. Attorney, sir...or...whatever...And as much as we would love to stay here and watch this riveting case, we have some...uh...very important business to...tend to..." He signaled to his three MST'ers, who arose from their seats in a less-than- glorious accordance.
"So we'll just forfeit our vote and be on our way now."

"I'm afraid that isn't how it works, young men!' The judge called after the crew, just barely catching them before exiting.
"You must decide on whether or not the defendant is guilty of the accusations made upon their character by the plaintiff!"
Raven sighed in defeat, but quickly perked up when a simple thought occurred to him.
"Alright then. He's guilty!" The thrasher said, failing to notice how oxymoronic he was being to what was said before attempting to leave.
With his 'judgement' made, Raven dashed out through the doorway. Before following his boss, Billy turned toward the judge and decisively said "'So' guilty."
Sam, like the other two, blurted, "Guilty. No doubt about it." then sped across the thresh hold.
Zorak, bringing up the crew's rear, faced the by the now stressed judge and firmly squawked, "I think they should get the death penalty!" then disappeared with the others.
And like that a quarter of jury was gone. Leaving not only the three defendants, but their attorney as well, awestruck.

-Knights of Columbus council, roughly an hour later-

"So...what're we doing today?" Billy inquired while walking into the over-populated dance-floor of the Astro Lounge.
"A Clayton Overstreet fic. He's been bitching ninety to nothing about no one MST'ing his stupid fics, so I've decided to give him what he wants..."

-FIC START-

*The group take their seats and await for the screen to flicker to life*

I make no claim on any of the characters in this story and am not making any
money off of it.

>Zorak (Grimly): A stereo-typical disclaimer from a stereo-typical paste-eating retard.

Space Pirates of Dark Water
By, Clayton overstreet

Tenchi smiled at Ryoko.

>Sam: He felt a fart coming on.

It had been a year since he and Ryoko had left
Earth in Ryo-oki to explore the universe.

>Billy: Not really caring about what Sasami or any of the others had to say about it.

They occasionaly called the others
back home, and sometimes even

>Billy: Remembered their names.

visited through Washu's dimension tunnel.

>Raven: Though they usually never asked permission and ended up getting teleported into the Mediterranean sea.

Lately they had left the known universe, delving into other galaxies.

>Sam: Following in the immortal footsteps of the Starship enterprise.

Tonight
was special though. It was their aniiversary.

>Billy: What continuation is this anyway?

>Raven: It's a cross over with the Pirates of Dark Water, dude. I really don't think it matters.

"Tenchi, what do you have planned tonight?" Ryoko asked running a hand
down his cheek. Tenchi smiled. "I was thinking we'd have a delicious meal,

>Zorak (As Tenchi): Entirely comprised of kosher weenies and soy products.

then curl up in bed and let things go from there."

>Billy (As Tenchi): Two hours from now we'll both be drunk. I'll be crying, you'll be holding me...you know...the usual.

>Raven: *Trying hard not to laugh* That's...not...funny!

He slid his hands down her
beack and played with the base of her tail, causing her to shiver slightly. "That
sounds perfect Tenchi."

>Zorak (As Ryoko): I was thinking two in the morning bush-mill soaked confession session, but comforting your penis because I accidentally bit it sounds kind of fun too.

She kissed him and held him close.

>Raven: Breaking his spine. The end.

Suddenly Ryo-oki's control panel began flashing red and she let out a loud
yowl.

>Sam (As Ryo-oki): Having to watch you two have sex for the fourth night in a row? Oh Hell no!

Ryoko ran to the control panel. "What... no it can't be!

>Billy (As Ryoko): My bid on the auction for a 'real' man has been outdone!

He's dead!"
Tenchi put his hand on her shoulder. "What is it Ryoko, what's wrong?"

>Zorak (As Tenchi): Was General hospital canceled?

Ryoko turned to him. "It's Kagato Tenchi... he's here." Kagato's face
appeared on the view screen.

>Raven (As Kagato): Smile! You're on candid camera!

"Ah, I see the crown prince and his bride are enjoying their honeymoon.

>Sam (As Kagato): And I've got it all on tape!

>Billy (As Ryoko): But we haven't done anything yet...

>Sam (As Kagato): ...Oh...then you never saw me.

Too bad you won't get to finish it. Hahahah!" Tenchi gritted his teeth and
looked at his enemy.

>Zorak (As Tenchi): I ought to scratch your eyes out!

"How did you survive Kagato? How?" Kagato smiled
down at them. "Well if you must know once Ryoko had broken from my
control and you summoned the lighthawk wings into a sword I knew I
couldn't defete you.

>Raven: So instead he entertained the thought of 'defeating' them.

So I vanished and let you think the sword had sliced
through me like it did my ship. Then I came back here to get some help for
next time...

>Zorak: Unfortunately for him the want-adds were filled.

who knew I'd run into you?" Tenchi looked at Ryoko who
shrugged. "What help would that be Kagtato?"
Kagato laughed, "Well you won't be able to find out I'm afraid, because

>Sam (As Kagato): I'm not sure myself.

I
intend to destroy you now." A green ray shot out of Kagato's ship straight at
Ryo-oki. Tenchi summoned the lighthawk wings to protect her, but

>Raven: The batteries died.

>Billy: He should have chosen Duracell.

>Raven: Duracell sucks

>Billy: Fuck you! *Lunges at him*

>Sam: *On-looking* ...Do they 'always' act like this?

>Zorak (Placidly): Yeah, pretty much. You should see it when Kain is the guest...

the first
half of the blast got through. Ryo-oki screamed and so did Ryoko. They
began plummetting towards the large planet below them.

>Sam: That suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Something hit
Tenchi in the back of the head and he collapsed onto the floor, dropping the
wings. Another blast hit the ship. "Tenchi, are you alright? Tenchi..."

*Billy and Raven's skirmish has come to a sudden end*

>Raven (As Tenchi): I think I broke a nail!

Ryoko
picked Tenchi up and placed him in the escape pod. "Tenchi I'll find you
again. I promise..."

>Billy (As Ryoko): My helpless little sweetheart.

She closed the pod and jettisoned it towards the planet.

>Zorak: Sadly she forgot to close the hatch and Tenchi was sucked out into the orbit where he was run down by a rogue meteor. The end.

>Raven: *Snicker* Those riffs never get old....

Kagato laughed watching Ryo-oki fall towards Mer. Even if she and the
boy weren't already dead, he would find them

>Zorak: After taking the planet over and adding 'De noms' to it's name...*Looks toward others* Get it? 'Mer de noms'...well, do ya'?

>Billy: *Stares blankly* Yeah, but it needs 'alot' of work....

before Ryo-oki would be well
enough to fly again, and he would have his pet to help him. Kagato smiled
and aimed his ship down to the planet.

Ryo-oki found herself floating next to Ryoko in a massive ocean. She was
in her adult humanoid form and held Ryoko by the arm keeping her afloat, but
she was tiring out.

>Raven: Where's a life saver when you need it?

>Sam: I love oceans! That's where I met my *Counts on his fingers* third wife! ...Shame what happened to her...

>Zorak (To Sam): How many wives have you had exactly?

>Sam: *Shrugs* I Dunno. Tell you on my next tax return.

She let out a plaintive cry and started to sink into the
water.

>Raven: Sinking? Just remember to tuck and roll! TUCK AND ROLL! *Notices the stares* Oh, wait a second...that was skydiving...

"Tula, toss the net. They're about to sink." A voice called from behind
her.

>Billy: Ryo-oki distinctly realized that it was Ben Stein.

Ryo-oki tried to turn but suddenly blacked out.
The net wrapped around the two forms in the water and pulled them on
board the Wraith.

>Sam (As Person manning the net): I think we gotta' floater, captain!

A man with pointed ears and scars looked down at them.

>Zorak (As scarred man): There's...something on the wing! Some...thing!

"Noijitat Ren. One of these days this saving people will be the death of
you." Ioz said. Ren just smiled and shook his head.

>Billy (In a startling deep voice): Who's the private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

>Others (In equally startling girly voices): Ren!

"Ioz you know I can't do
something like that.

>Raven: *Scowling* Some pirate you are...

>Sam: *Muttering* 'Butt-pirate' would be a better name for him.

I'd be no better than Bloth if I did.

>Zorak: And God knows that you wouldn't want to stoop lower than a guy named Bloth...

Tula can you heal
them?" Tula sat on her knees and placed her fingers on Ryoko and Ryo-oki's
heads... and jumped back in suprise. "Ren, these beings aren't natural... and
they are healing themselves.

>Raven (As Ren): Oh. Well, in that case, toss them over-board.

Ren looked down. One of his new passengers
was a furry woman with long ears and the other was a very pretty woman
with blue hair. She was missing an arm and looked severly damaged.

>Billy (As Ren): Hmm...a band aid and some iodine ain't gonna' fix that.

"Well we'll let them wake up and tell us what's happening before we decide
what to do with... Jungolungo! Look at that!" Ryo-oki finaly went completely
unosious and shifted to her cabbit form. "This is getting weird Ren."

>Sam: Oh, you're one to talk, saying something like 'Jungolungo'

Tula
said. Ioz agreed then looked up at Niddler.

>Zorak: Well, thats nice to--who?!?

>Raven (Grimly): Clayton's pulling characters and stupid sayings out of his ass.

"Why did you have to tell him
about this Monkeybird?" Niddler shrugged and bit into the melon Ren had
given him.

Tenchi knew something was wrong when

>Zorak: The scene abruptly jumped to him.

he woke up inside the prison cell,
but he had a pounding headache. Looking around he saw what looked like
a human skeleton next to him.

>Raven (As Tenchi, talking to skeleton): Are you dead, sir? ...Sir?

Then he noticed that the skull and hands were
different.

>Billy: The skull had noticeable teeth marks around one of the ear cavities and the hands were boxing gloves.

>Sam (As Tenchi): Oh no! I've been abducted by Mike Tyson!

Claws and horns all over the place. He shook his head, but then
saw the fangs on the skull. "Ryoko.. " He looked around. No, she wasn't
here. He got up, his head still spinning. "Hey, is anyone here?"

>Raven (As Tenchi): I'm lonely and Ryoko's not around to hold me

He heard a
jangle from some keys and saw a face looking at him through the bars of the
cell. "Ah, so you wake now? Bloth will be pleased."

>Zorak (As face): By the way, do you like how I just teleported here?

Tenchi shook his head
but befor her could ask what the little man what he meant he was gone.
Tenchi sighed and sat back down.

>Billy: Well, did all he could...

>Raven (To Tenchi): A valiant effort on your part.

Suppose Kagato had gotten ahold of
Ryoko? Tenchi jumped up and ran to the bars. "Hey, let me out of here!"
Tenchi reached into his shirt and drew out the sword, but when he tried to
summon the Jurai power he fell over in pain.

>Sam (As Tenchi): My webbles!

"Aw crap. That hit on the head."
Tenchi put the sword away. He heard someone walking down the stairs.
Looking up he saw an enormouse man with blue lips looking at him.

>Zorak (As Blue-lipped man): Hey, you gotta' purdy mouth!

"What
have we here? Another boy Konk?"

>Raven: Uh...'another'?

>Billy: *Raising an eyebrow* Get the feeling that if Bloth lived on Earth, he'd be driving around in a white van?

>Zorak: Possibly offering candy to little boys...



>Raven: *To Bloth* You're 'such' a Micheal Jackson

The little man from before looked up at
the huge man. "No Bloth,

>Sam (As Konk): Just another weenie for you to violate.

>Raven (As Bloth ala Micheal Jackson): That's ignorant! Very ignorant!

found him in that bizzare boat. " Tenchi looked up
at the man. "Bloth is it?" Bloth nodded,

>Raven (As Bloth): I was the former backing man for the Ink Blots.

"And who might you be?" Tenchi
stood up and smiled, "I am Tenchi Misaki crown prince of the Juraian empire.

>Zorak (As Tenchi): And I like watching Gladiator movies.

Where am I?" Bloth laughed and looked down at Konk. "He hasn't heard of
me Konk. This could be fun.

>Billy: One night stands are always more entertaining.

Well boy I am Bloth the captain of this ship,
the Mailstrom. And you are my prisoner. Now tell me where your kingdom
is and we'll gladly return you to it... for a price."

>Sam (As Bloth): Gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free!

Tenchi frowned. This man
was obviously a pirate. He wouldn't normaly be afraid of someone like him,
but

>Raven: He just had such big shoulders.

without the power of Jurai he was almost helpless. "Do you have some
way to comunicate with other worlds Bloth?"
Bloth frowned.

>Billy: His single brain cell was incapable of comprehending the word 'communicate'

"What do you mean 'other' worlds."

>Raven (As Author): It was more of a statement than a question.

Tenchi swore under his
breath.

>Sam: That darn girdle was killing him

"Yes other worlds. Like another planet." Bloth shook his head. "You
expect us to believe you are from somewhere besides Mur?"



>Zorak (As Bloth): Sure, you're wearing completely different clothing than what is custom here, you look nothing like any of us, and you're far more intelligent, but do you really think I'm 'that' gullible?

Tenchi nodded
and looked around, "Is that the name of this world?" Konk looked up at him.
"And I suppose the little boat we find you in brought you all this way?" Tenchi
shook his head. "No,

>Sam: Dumbass

that was probably Ryo-oki's escape pod. Did you find
anyone else with me?"

>Zorak (As Tenchi): Space Pirates, male body-builders, fourteen year old love slaves, I'd be satisfied with any of those.

Bloth narrowed his eyes. "Konk, I believe him... and
since there is no way for us to return him to his people, I think the constictus
will be happy to have royal meat after Ren escaped."
Konk smiled at Bloth. "Yes sir. Come along boy." Konk slapped some
chains onto Tenchi's wrists. "Hey, what is this? What's a constrictus?" Konk
laughed and smiled up at him nastily. "You don't want to know."

>Billy: Even though he was about to push him into the constrictus' pit anyway.

He lead
Tenchi up the stairs and onto the deck of the ship. "Open the constrictus pit!"
Konk yelled.

>Raven (As Konk): I love shouting commands. It makes me feel so much bigger.

>Sam: Oprah Whinfrey calls that empowerment.

The other pirates around him laughed and leared at Tenchi. One
of them opened a huge gate in the deck of the ship. "Konk, hurry it up. The
constrictus is hungry. Maybe it would like your other leg!" Konk glared up
at the skinny japanease looking man who had opened to pit. "Very funny
Mantus." He unlocked Tenchi's chains. "Are you letting me go?" Tenchi asked.
The pirates aroun him laughed and Konk puhed him onto the pit. "Ahhh!"

>Billy (As Konk, singing):I do know one thing though, bitches, they come, they go.

>Raven (Grim): Being fed an alpha-male for dinner...that won't make the constrictus too happy.





Ryoko opened her eyes and looked around.

>Raven (As Ryoko): Who was she? She didn't know. Where was she? It didn't matter.

>Zorak: No they didn't. They definitely did not habla fucking espanol.

>Raven (To Billy): You're skipping too far ahead, dude.

She was laying in a soft bed
and saw Ryo-oki asleep next to her. Suddenly a young woman with pitch
black hair.

>All:...

>Sam (To author): Where's the verb, Clayton?

>Billy (As Voltaire): It is the nature of verbs to vanish mysteriously.

>Raven (As Karl Marx): It was a historical inevitability.

>Zorak (As Ronald Reagan) What verb?

"Oh, you're awake. Are you feeling alright." Ryoko looked up at
her tensly. "Who are you? Where am I?"

>Billy (As Ryoko): Why is there a camera at the foot of the bed?

>Raven (As Black-haired girl): Don't worry about it...just go with the flow...

The girl smiled. "I'm Tula and this
is the Wraith. We picked you and your furry little friend there out of the sea."

>Sam (As Ryoko): Well sor-ry, Tenchi's been using all of my razors for his ass and...wait a second, you were talking about Ryo-oki, weren't you?

Ryoko blushed. "Oh... thank you.

>Raven (As Ryoko): Now could you please stop caressing my face?

You didn't happen to see anyone else out
there did you?"

>Zorak (As Matradee from "The Poseidon Adventure"): Did you rescue anyone else...anyone from the bow?

Tula shook her head. "I tried to heal you, but my magic only
works on

>Billy: Hemorrhoids

natural creatures. I'm sorry about your hand. "Ryoko looked down
and saw she was missing an arm. "Tenchi..."
Ryoko pressed the stump of her arm into her hand and healed herself, a new
arm complete with clothes


>Zorak: And a charming fourteen karat gold bracelet

appeared. Tula looked at her in shock, "How did
you do that?"

>Raven (As Tula): Be you an angel?

Ryoko smiled and bowed. Then she got up and streatched.

>Sam: Nothing like a good 'streatch' to get that new arm workin'...

"It
was nothing."

>Billy: Though it does sound like it would liven up 'any' dull party.

She picked up Ryo-oki. "Are you alright Ryo-oki?" The furry
little thing looked up at Ryoko and meowed. "I see." Tula looked at her a bit
strangely and Ryoko smiled. "She says she'll be fine in afew days.

>Raven (As Evil Eye): Ryoko 'IS' Doctor Dolittle!

So what
planet is this?"
Tula smiled and said, "This is Mur.
Where are you from?" Ryoko looked
up. "I'm from a planet called Earth.

>Zorak: Home of hookers and crack-heads.

>Raven: ...and Denny's

My husband

>Billy (As Ryoko): Whom I also like to call 'Princess'

and I were out exploring
when we were attacked by an old enemy of ours." Tula shook her head.
"You mean you can travel through space without magic?" Ryoko smiled and
nodded. "Yes,

>Sam: We even have cinnamon flavored dental floss...isn't technology amazing?

we were in Ryo-oki when Kagato attacked." Tula was about
to ask some more questions when Ren came down the stairs.

>Zorak: In nothing but his tighty-whities...

"Ah, you are
awake.

>Raven (As Ren): I was just...taking a shower.

Would you like to come on deck and tell us why you were floating in
the middle of the ocean?"
Two hours later Ryoko had explained everything and had been introduced
to Ioz, Ren, and Niddler. "So this Kagato person is here for some kind of
help you say?" Ren asked. Ryoko nodded.

>Billy: Help!

>Raven: Ya' know he needs someone...

>Billy: Help!

>Raven: Not just anyone...

>Billy: HELP!

"I don't know what he's planning
though." Ioz let out a startled cry. He had been poking Ryo-oki with his
sword and the cabbit had taken a bite out of it. "Oh she must be as hungry as
I am. Do you have any food?"

>Sam (As Ryoko): Please bring me my wine.

>Billy (As Ren): We haven't had that spirit here since 1969!

Ren smiled and handed them each a melon.

>Zorak: They're the 'special' melons...*wink*

Ryo-oki took it and ate it, but she didn't seem to liek them asmuch as she did
carrots. Ryoko however found them delicious.
"Wow these are great."

>Raven (As Ryoko): I'm freakin' out, man! I'm freakin' out!

Tula looked at Ryo-oki again. "You said she's a spaceship. How do you fit
inside her?"

>Billy (As Tula): Is it one of those 'Mind over matter' things?

Ryoko smiled and picked the little cabbit up. "She can change
shape. In reality she is a

>Zorak: Giant banana.

very powerful spaceship and while we were under
Kagato's control we destroyed many worlds." Ren looked at her in the eyes.

>Raven (As Ren): When I look at you...yeah, when I look at you, I see you with my eyes...oh baby...

"You can destroy a planet? I don't suppose you can help us find the treasures
of Rule."

>Zorak (As Ren): Since your lost husband is obviously dead...

>Raven (As Ryoko): But...

>Zorak (As Ren): HE'S DEAD, GET OVER IT!

Ren explained that they were on a quest to save the world from
dark water.

>Billy: ...And it's evil plankton minions.

He held up the compass and a beam of light shot

>Sam: Ryoko

>Raven (As Ryoko): GAH! MY EYE!

>Sam (As Ren): ...Whoops...really need to put a friendly fire on this thing

out. It his
Ryoko in the gem in her neck. "What? You have one of the treasures?"

>Billy (As Gorad): She's got the precious!

Ryoko shook her head. "No, these gems are mine. But these treasures of
yours must be similar.."

>Billy: In that they both prevent waxy build-up.

She was cut off when the ship started to shake.

>Zorak (As Ren): For the love of God, will someone go down there and tell Tula and Ioz to keep it down to a dull roar?

"What is going on?" Ren looked overboard. "It looks like you'll get to see
what you can do to dark water after all." Ryoko joined him and looked over
the side. A black blod was working it's way up the side of the ship.

>Sam (Singing): Your hiney so shiny, ya' better hide it! I'm gunna' find it! I'M GUNNA' BITE IT!

>Billy: Uh...right...*inching away*

"We don't have any of the treasures on us so we can't fight it.

>Raven: We is gonna' die!

What can we
do Ren?" Tula yelled. Ryoko gasped when she saw a face in the water. She
knew that face...

>Zorak: It's Jack Nicholsan!

>Billy (As Blod): Heeeeere's Johnny!

Tenchi woke up in ankle deep water. "Bah! What's that smell?"

>Sam (Singing): Who done it? Who done it?

>Billy (Singing): Wasn't me. Musta' been him *Points at Zorak*

>Zorak (Singing): Guilty as charged.

He looked
around and saw a tunnel leading either way.

>Raven: Tenchi has come to a cross-road in his life. A decision has to be made. What will he do?

>Zorak (As Tenchi): WAAAAAH! Please let me back up!



Above him pirates were looking
down. "I'll bet 50 on the boy.

>Billy (As Kank): He's a righteous boy...he's a boy like no other...

>Raven (As Graffitotag): He is the King...of SEX!

The constrictus hasn't been the same since
Primus's son kept getting away." Kank said. "Well I've been working with
him and I'll bet a 100 on the constrictus,"

>Zorak (As Mantus): And I'll throw in my first born child.

Mantus said. The betting continued
and Tenchi started walking down the tunnel. He was not at all interested in
this constrictus thing.

>Sam: He had bigger things, like getting home before Buffy the Vampire Slayer comes on, to worry about.

Suddenly he heard something behind him and heard the pirates cheer.

>Raven (As Pirates): U-G-L-Y, You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! Yeah, yeah, you ugly!

The
light from the opening blotted out and a huge roar came from behind him.

>Zorak (Deadpan): Oh no, the huge roar is coming for Tenchi! Whatever will he do?

Tenchi slowly turned around and saw the biggest worm of his life rising up
infront of him.

>Billy: ...A worm? That's it?

>Zorak: Gee, lets hope the Constrictus' evil hermphrodatism doesn't overwhelm Tenchi...

"Oh no." The constrictus lunged at Tenchi. A ligth hawk wing
appeared infront of it

>Sam: Good defense. Look, guys, Tenchi's gonna' flap it to death.

and sent an enormouse jolt of electricity through the
beast's entire body. It screached in pain and turned around.

>Zorak (As Constrictus): Retreat! Pull out! RUN AWAY!

Tenchi smiled. It seemed he was getting some of his power back already.

>Raven (As Tenchi): I am woman! Hear me roar!

Reaching into his shirt he drew out the sword. The blade came about a third
of the way up before his head started hurting again.

>Billy: His spidey sense is tingling...

Meanwhile the pirates
were staring in amazement.

>All (As Pirates): DUUUUUHHHHHH

Tenchi saw Bloth preparing to throw a huge knife
at him and quickly took off down the tunnel. "Bloth, I think we maybe should
no hurt boy.

>Billy (As Konk): Because he's a righteous boy...a boy like no other...

>Raven (As Graffitotag): He is The King...of SEX!

>Sam: *On-looking* What's the point of that riff anyway?

>Billy & Raven: *Shrug*

Remember last time." Bloth nodded. "Yes Konk, I remember."
Then he kicked Konk down the hole and slammed the gate shut.

>All:...

>Zorak: Boy...you, uh...you really didn't see that comin'...

>Billy: Gotta' love the bond between criminals.

"When he
gets out of there feed some other prisoner to the constrictus."

>Billy (As Pirate): Sorry, boss. All we have left is Courtney Love, and she might kill it...

Tenchi ran as fast as he could down the dark tunnel, using his sword to light
the way.

>Raven: ...It even repelled mosquitoes!

Suddenly he felt something catch his leg and thought it might be the
constrictus again. "Ahhh!" A young man looked up at him. "Wait, I'm here to
help!" The sword stopped just infront of the boy's face, causing some of his
hair to burn.

Ryoko watched as the goo oozed up the side of the ship.

>Sam (As goo): Here I come, I come, I come!

Ioz was fighting
some back with his sword.

>Raven (As Ioz): I told ya' to put the fricken' jelly in the fridge!

Ryoko flew up into the air and started blasting
at the face in the middle of the goo.

>Zorak (As Ryoko): You're the species and I'm the extinction!

The blob let out a hideous scream and
sank back into the water.

>Billy (As Kagato): Damn! My 'Take over the ship with festering mold' plan has been foiled!

Ren and the others looked up at Ryoko who was
still floating in the air above the ship.

>Billy: She believes she can fly!

"How in the name of Primus did you do
that Ryoko?" Ren yelled.

>Sam (Singing): 'Cause she's so high above me! She's so lovely!

Ryoko smiled down at him and shook her head.
"I know that creature... the one in the dark water."

>Raven: They call him...Peaches...

Ioz looked at her and
said, "How do you knwo the dark dweller?"

>Zorak (As Ryoko): He's my brother...you can't see the resemblance?

Ryoko smirked, "Is that what he calls himself now? Kagato called him
Fred. He was made by the same man who

>Billy: Discovered petroleum jelly.

shot me down here. Kagato used
me as his keeper and also

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Made me clean his cage and stick my head in his mouth at side-shows all across the galaxy.

had some gems he used to hold it in place." Ren
and the others watched as she landed on the deck. "He said he let it go on
some planet about a thousand years ago,

>Sam (As Kagato): Go now. Run and be free. BE FREEEE!

>Raven (As Fred): Uh...can I have a bagel before I go?

but somebody had managed to
steal the containment gems."

>Billy: It was that damn Sasquatch!

Ren nodded and said, "Yes that's the legend. A
great being of darkness found the dark dweller almost equal to him in strength
and set it loose upon

>Sam: This fic.

the world, but Rule collected the gems that would
contain and eventualy destroy the evil."

>Zorak (Sarcastic): Shame on you, Rule! I hate you!

>Raven (To Zorak): Dude, are you even listening to any of this?

>Zorak: ...Bits and pieces.

Ryoko shook her head. "This is bad. From what I can see it has gotten alot
stronger and if Kagato gets him back..."

>Billy (As Ren): The alignment of the stars will be scattered, everyone will be plagued at night by unspeakably hideous nightmares, and Virgin Mary statues everywhere will begin to cry blood...right?

>Sam (As Ryoko): No, actually he'll probably just try to make new kind of coffee ground out of it...

She shuddered. "I may be stronger
than either of them, but Fred... the dark dweller seems to be as powerful as
Kagato." Ioz slamed the hilt of his sword into the deck.

>Raven (As Ioz): Just needed to get that outta' my system. I feel much better now!

"Then how does this
Kagato person plan to control the dark dweller without you or the gems?"
Ryoko closed her eyes. "Kagato makes it a point to mentaly break all of his
servants.

>Billy (As Ryoko): I remember one time when he made a member of the Hell's Angels cry...

No matter how powerful he thinks he is Fred will still be scared of
Kagato and totaly under his command."
Ioz sneered, "Oh then how is it YOU aren't still his slave?" Ryoko's eyes
glowed and she appeared infront of him holding an energysword to his throat.

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Don't you EVER ask me a perfectly normal question, or I'll break your dick off and shove it up your ass, got it?

"I had help, from Tenchi." Ioz looked at her in fear, "Jitatin demon!"


>Billy (As Ioz): She's a Diablo! She's a Diablo!

Ryoko
took a deep breath and put the sword away. Tear in her eyes she turned back
to the railing.

>Raven (As Ryoko): I...*sniff*...I'm 'so' misunderstood...*cries*

Ren and Tula looked at Ioz in disgust.

>Zorak: You're just so...disgusting!

"She saved our lives just
now Ioz."

>Sam: You cold-heart bitch!

Ioz shook his head and looked at Ryoko. "I'm sorry."

>Raven (As Ioz): I had no clue you took offense to being asked a good question...if only I could turn back time...

Tula walked over to Ryoko and put a hand on her back. Ryoko shook with
sobs and Tula asked if she was going to be alright.

>Zorak (As Tula): Maybe you'd like to sleep it off in my bedroom?

>Raven (As Ryoko): I'm not having sex with you, damn it! Give it up!

>Zorak (As Tula): Well gee you coulda'...*sniff* You coulda' put it a bit lighter than that! *Breaks out into hysterical sobs*

>Raven (As Ryoko): Oh, I uh...I didn't mean to come off so hard like that...

>Zorak (As Tula): I was just offering and you didn't even care! *Sob*

>Raven (As Ryoko): There, there, it's okay...

"Yeah, it's just... Tenchi
always swore he'd kill anyone who called me a demon again... and he called
me his

>Sam: Number one man.

angel..." Tears streamed down her cheeks. Tula hugged her. "Hey if
the thing you put Tenchi in is part of Ryo-oki then maybe she knows where it
is." Ryoko nodded and went over to the cabbit.

>Billy: And they didn't do this before because...?

"How about it, where is he
Ryo-oki?"

>Zorak: Tenchi is in a very dark place, but he is not alone...something holds him very close to it...it lies to him, it tells him things only a child can understand...

Ryoko closed her eyes, getting a vision of where the escape pod was.

>Zorak: The pod is in a very dark place, but it is not alo--*Gets smacked by Billy*

"The
pod is in a room that looks like it's made o bone.

>Billy (As Tula): Bone, you say?

>Sam (As Ryoko): *Shrugs* Well, maybe it's a giant coconut shell, but my better judgement says otherwise...

An enormouse fat man and
a little man with one leg are looking at it."

>Raven: So they're looking at Funk Master Flex and Zack Gowen?

Tula gasped. "Oh no." Ryoko's
eyes shot open. "What? What is it?"

>Billy (As Tula): I can't figure out this next four-letter term on my crossword!

Ren stepped forward. "He's on Bloth's
ship. The Malestrom."

Tenchi looked around. There were about a dozen people in the huge room.
"So you escaped from Bloth, but couldn't get off the ship? Well if you help me
I may be able to help."

>Zorak: I'll help you to help me help you to help yourself...or something...

A man with a scraggly beard who appeared to be the
leader "And what makes you think you'll have any better luck than we have
against them?" Tenchi smiled and held up the sword.

>Raven (As Tenchi ala Graffitotag): 'Cause I'm the King...of SEX!

It was a little longer
than befor. "I have an edge.

>Zorak (As Tenchi): Thanks, Viagra!

Plus I have help coming here soon."

>Sam: They're called P-Flag...

>Billy: Do ya' think the Tenchi/gay riffs'll ever start to run their coarse?

>Others: *Ponder* ...Nah

They all
looked at him in awe as the glow of the sword filled the room.

>Billy (As Refugee guy): Ohhhh! Is it a night-light?

>Sam (As Tenchi): No.

>Billy (As Refugee guy): Spotlight?

>Sam (As Tenchi): No!

>Billy (As Refugee guy): Bug-zapper?

>Sam (As Tenchi): NO!

"Now all I
need is some food and shelter until I'm back up to full power and I swear we
will defeter Bloth."

>Billy (As Tenchi): I'll also need all of your bank account numbers and deeds to your land...

>Zorak (As Refugee): We, uh...we don't have any of those...

>Billy (As Tenchi): Oh, well...I'll take your fish-paste...

The others cheered him on.

>All: Go team!

The man with the beard stepped forward. "Ok
boy. We'll help you. But we won't help you fight Bloth."

>Raven (As Bearded man): I don't like pain! It hurts!

Tenchi nodded in
understanding. The man smirked, "Now who is this help you have coming?"
Tenchi smiled and closed his eyes. "My angel..."

>Billy: *Slaps forehead* My Gawd, what a freakin' wiener!

Ryoko shook her head. "Ryo-oki won't be able to teleort us there for
another day.

>Zorak: Well, so much for the help.

The ship Tenchi is on is about a hundred miles from here.

>Sam: She'll swim a million miles for one of his smiles.

>Billy: *Sweatdrop* Gee, how authentic...

Can
you help us get to it?" Ren nodded and smiled. "Sure, we are always happy
to fight Bloth. But do you honestly think you can fight him?"

>Billy (As Ren): He is, after all, a thousand pounds of pure sex appeal...

>Raven (As Graffitotag) : 'Cause Bloth is the King...of SEX!

>Zorak (To Raven): It's getting old, man.

Ryoko laughed
and said, "Yes, he isn't the problem." They nodded and Ren went to turn the
ship towards where Ryoko pointed.

>Sam (As Captain of Love Boat): Set courses for Love!

"Tula when we get there Tenchi may
need your

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Ass

>Raven (As Tula): Huh?

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Help! I meant help!

help. Tenchi was injured and the medical scanners in the pod say
he may not be up to full strenth.

>Billy (Ryoko): Yes, he got a little bump on the head, so now is astral connection has been thrown down the shitter.

>Sam (As Tula): Wow, are all Earth men that fragile?

He is human so can you heal him?" Ryoko
asked. "I think so Ryoko. We'll have to see."

>Raven (As Ryoko): Well, can you heal head-wounds?

>Zorak (As Tula): Never tried it. But my magic does wonders on venereal warts! Would that help?

>Raven (As Ryoko): ...Sadly, yes...

Tula said. "But there is
something you may not like. By the time we get there Bloth may have already
fed your friend to the constrictus."

>Billy (Sarcastic): Naw, I'm sure she'd be just 'peachy' with that.

Ryoko looked at her. "I would know if he
were hurt, but what is this constrictus?" Tula shivered, "It's a giant

>Zorak: Wiener. One little shock and it runs away.

worm with
a poisonous stinger. Bloth feeds his prisoners to it." Ryoko shrugged. "Tenchi
can handle that. But if Kagato should show up he may be in trouble."

>Raven: ...The panny-waist that he is.

Tula nodded. "This Kagato sounds horrible. Why does he do all of these
horrible things?"

>Sam (As Tula): Did his parents never hug him?

Ryoko smirked. "He was my mother's student about five
thousand years ago. He stole me and Ryo-oki, trapping her in his ship."

>Billy:...Just for kicks, apparently.

Tula shook her head, "I'm confused. I thought your mother was

>Zorak: Elton John.

>Billy (As Ryoko): ... Yes, he was a good mommy.

a goddess.
You have a very confsing homelife Ryoko."

>Raven (To Tula): ...And you have a very absent coma.

Ryoko laughed. "She is, but she
gave it up a long time ago so she could

>Zorak: Become a table-dancer.

>Billy: *Snicker* That's my kinda' woman...

>Zorak: In her thirteen year old form

>Billy: *Gags*

>Raven (To Zorak): You're fucked up, man.

>Zorak: *Grins wickedly* I know.

have a child... but he was taken from
her

>Sam: By the CPS...their next target is Sasami.

so she made me. She only just got her power and memory back a while
ago." Ryoko stared up at the sky. "Aren't the stars beutiful?" Tula followed
her gaze,

>Raven (As Tula): Uhm, Ryoko? That isn't a star. That's the light on Mur's only all-spanish radio station...

"Yes, I watch them sometimes with Ren." Ryoko blushed and
looked at her. "You love Ren don't you Tula?" Tula blushed next and nodded.
"Yes. Sometimes I think he loves me to,

>Billy (As Ryoko): Oh...then is this a bad time to tell you we slept together?

but other times he treats me like a
sister. You know what I mean?"
Ryoko nodded.

>Billy (As Ryoko): I can dig it...SUCKA'!

"Yes, Tenchi and I went through a similar phase.

>Zorak: Thanks to his grade-A wussiness.

Ofcourse
I had to compeat with five other girls. But he and I found eachother."

>Sam: Ah, the miracles that Love Connection has worked.

She
smiled nostalgicly. "Ofcourse most of the others were either related to him or
had... personality flaws." Tula smiled. "Well I am afraid that I can't tell Wren
how I feel.

>Billy: Uhm...possibly because 'Ren' might find out?

>Zorak: Uh, is this gonna turn into some messed up love-triangle lemon? ...Cause I'd be okay with that.

I mean if he were to say no... or yes for that matter, I don't know
what I'd do. I've always had to be just a little bit tougher than any of the men
I met,

>Sam: Well, her and Ryoko have something in common...

>Raven: No, she said a 'little' tougher. Ryoko's stronger than Tenchi in spades.

just to be treated as less than equal. I just can't let him be my one
weakness."

>Sam (Deadpan): ...She's gonna' harden her heart.

A tear trickled down her cheek. Ryoko put her hand on Tula's
shoulder.

>Billy: ...And shoved her over the edge.

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Hah! Now I can have Tenchi AND Ren!

"I know how you feel. I felt the same way about Tenchi, until he told me that

>Zorak: He was an alpha-male with a dick that looked like a deflated balloon. Then I fell in love with his charm.

>Sam: Yeah...real charming.

no matter what, he would always love me. Tula you are a beutiful and strong
woman,

>Billy: ...The ever-redundant theme of the Lifetime channel.

but a life without love could break the heart of the strongest person.
Plus you are the only girl on a boat for months at a time. If you couldn't gut
them both i think Ren and Ioz woyuld be all over you."

>Raven: ...It would have made this fic a little 'less' sucky.

Tula grinned and
shook her head, reaching up to wipe the tear from her face. "How did you
tell Tenchi that you were in love with him?"

>Sam: Not a good question.

Ryoko laughed a bit and said, "Ha,
I told him every chance I got and crawled all over him.

>Billy: So, what have we learned today, boys and girls? Act like a cheap, moral-lacking slut and you'll get whatever you want!

>Zorak: *Scoffs* This fic has a 'timeless' message...

Scared the crap out of
the poor boy, especialy since the day after he released me I blew up his
school.

>Raven (As Ryoko): And the death toll amounted to two hundred and seven...then he started avoiding me all together.

The problem was I could never accept that he loved

>Zorak: ...Mel Gibson.


>Billy: How tragic.

me."
Tula sighed. "I would be far to embarassed to say something like that. I
don't know why, but I feel easier beating the crap out of him than I do telling
him how I feel."

>Sam: It's so easy to identify with the characters and their weird emotions...

>Raven: I think it's just a chick thing.

>Billy: Oh, and Clayton Overstreet of all people would know?

>Raven: *Scratches head* Okay, maybe it's just a Clayton thing.

Ryoko was about to agree when she heard a foot step
behind her.

>Zorak: *Makes noise from Friday the thirteenth*

Tula kept staring out at sea, so Ryoko took a glance back. Ren
stood there, obviously having heard most if not all of the conversation. He
smiled embarrased at Ryoko.

>Zorak (As Ryoko): She said she want's to beat the crap out of you.

>Sam (As Ren): Oh? But I thought I hear something about lo-

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Nope. Never came up.

>Sam (As Ren): Are you sure? Cause...

>Zorak (As Ryoko): DROP IT ALREADY!

She nodded and sank into the deck. Tula saw
her going. "Ryoko, where are you... Ren?" That was the last Ryoko heard
before sinking below the deck.

>Raven: Ah, another unsuccessful marriage and a matching dysfunctional family brought together by Ryoko the match-maker.

>Billy: Wow, they hit on only five of twenty nine angles.

She landed on the table where Ioz and
Niddler were playing a card game for food. "Deal me in."

Tenchi was about to throw up. "Sorry, but the main sourse of food down
here is algea and constrictus slime."

>Sam: Oh, so they 'do' have a Denny's over there.

Tenchi had decided to stick with the
algea.

>Raven: As it vaguely reminded him of Spinach casserole

"Ok, so how do you move around in here? I mean I can protect myself
from that worm but how do you do it?" The man, Arge, smiled wickedly.
"We usualy wait until it has been fed."

>Zorak: Offended by the remark, Tenchi promptly shoved the light hawk wings up Arge's ass.

Tenchi frowned. Arge looked at him
and asked, "So how long until you're at full strength?" Tenchi held up the
sword. The blade was about a foot short of full length. "I think one nihts rest

>Billy: ...And a healthy bout of masturbation.

ought to do it. Bloth is just lucky that the worm didn't eat me.

>Raven: Because Ryoko tells me that I really don't taste good with out a few quarts of Vodka to wash me down.

I'd hate to see
what Ryoko would do to him if he had killed me." Arge looked at him
strangely.
Tenchi smiled pleasantly and rolled over to go to sleep. It wasn't easy since

>Zorak: Some dude's dick was poking him in the face.

he was laying on the hard floor.

>Sam: His baby's ass-smooth skin just couldn't adapt.

He stared at the wall for a while, thinking of
his family.

>Raven: Then he picked a flower, held his breath and drifted away...

The next morning Ryoko found Ren and Tula on deck in eachother's arms
watching the waves.

>Billy (Singing): What the world needs now is love, sweet love...

Grinning she said, "Hey love birds." They both jumped
and blushed slightly. "You're no better than Ioz!"

Zorak: You bitch.

Tula said. "Ryoko looked
back at Ioz, who was at the wheel. He wasn't wearing his earing or his shirt,

>Raven: And bore a striking resemblance to Gerardo.

having lost them to Ryoko the night befor. She had also walked away from
the game with Niddler's snacks for a month.

>Billy (Sarcastic): Well, I'm sure they share their grief.

"Ryoko are we getting closer to the Malestrom?" Ryoko closed her eyes.
"We have about 50 miles to go. But that shouldn't be too much."

>Raven (Singing): She's going the distance! She's going for speed! He's all alone...

>Others: All alone!

>Raven (Singing): All alone in his time of need!

She looked
down at Ryo-oki. "Think your up for a short trip today?" Ryo-oki meowed
and nodded her head. Grinning Ryoko grabbed the cabbit by the head and
tossed her into the air.

>Billy: ...Where she was sucked into the turbine of a low-flying space-craft.

Ryo-oki morphed into a huge spaceship.

>Zorak: ...Better known as the Starship Enterprise.

"Noijitat!
That was incredible." Ioz yelled. Suddenly they found themselves on the
bridge, with the Wraith shrunk and sitting on a small stand. Ryo-oki took off
while Ren and the crew stared in awe.

Kagato appeared infront of Bloth.

>Raven (As Kagato): Boo.

"Jungolungo! Where did you come from
and what are you doing on my ship?" Kagato smiled. "I was recomended to
you by a mutual friend." The dark dwellar rose out of the water behind him.

>Zorak (As Dark Dweller): What's goin' on, man-boobs?

Bloth and his crew backed away in terror. "I believe you know Fr... the dark
dwellar."

>Billy: Another infamous soul product of Martha Stewart.

>Sam: It even had a little reef made of pinecones on it's head.

Bloth looked at the black shape and nodded. "And what are you
to him?" Kagato laughed and looked at the blob. It put a tenticle around his
shoulder. "He's my daddy!"

>Zorak: The dark dweller was the proto-type and eventual replacement for Java the Hut.

Bloth's eyes widdened in fear as he looked at
Kagato again.

>Billy (As Kagato): Are you really 'that' frightened of me?

>Zorak (As Bloth): No, I just have thyroid.

Kagato just smiled. "I believe you captured someone I am
after. Where is Tenchi?"

>Sam (As Kagato): Tenchi in da' Hi-ZOUUUUUSE?

Bloth motioned towards the pit, "We fed him to the constrictus, but he some
how beat it and got away. He's somewhere in the ship." Kagato nodded and
vanished briefly into the ship.

>All: Poof

Tenchi saw Kagato appear before him and grabbed the sword. "Kagato!
Leave now or else!"

>Sam (As Tenchi): You're cruisin' for a bruisin', buster!

>Raven (As Kagato): ...That was pretty gay...

>Sam (As Tenchi): *Hangs head* ...Yeah, I know.

>Raven (As Kagato): I'm talkin' gayer than a pigeon bath.

>Sam (As Tenchi): ...

>Raven (As Kagato): ...Or a picnic basket...

>Sam (As Tenchi): Alright! It was gay! I get it!

>Raven (As Kagato): I deserve a better nemesis...

>Sam (As Tenchi): ...

Kagato nodded. "I thought so. You may be stronger
than me now, but I have help now Tenchi."

>Zorak (As Kagato): Now it's me and mighty mouse!

Kagato fired a blast into one of
the people around Tenchi, then vanished.

>Sam: It was a run-by lazer-shooting...uh...thing...

>Billy (To Sam): Shut up before you humiliate yourself.

Tenchi turned and saw Arge laying
on the ground in a pool of blood.

>Zorak (As Arge): I can't...feel my legs...

"No! Kagato, I will kill you this time!"

>Raven (Deadpan): *Raising fist* Kick butt.

Kagato appeared back where he had been. "He is alive. But he is still very
powerful.

>Billy (As Kagato): I wish he could be harnessed, but this is the type of power that cannot be contained...he is a righteous boy...a boy like no other...

>Zorak: Oh no...not this 'again'...

>Raven (As Graffitotag): He is the king...of SE-*mouth gets slapped shut by Sam*

>Sam: QUIT SAYIN' THAT!

Until he comes where both Fred and I can get him we must wait."

>Billy (As Kagato): Tenchi, prepare to be...TAG-TEAMED...AND THAT'S NOT A SEXUAL INNUENDO! ...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly there was an enormouse blast of wind.

>Raven (As Bloth): No! We weren't supposed to open the bag until we were near Ithica!!!

Ryo-oki flew out of the sky
above them. "What is that Jitatan thing?"

>Zorak: That would be a Jitatan mammal/ship...you retard.

Bloth yelled. Ryoko, Ren, Ioz, and
Niddler teleported onto the deck.

>Sam: And together they formed...the Fellowship of the Ring...

"Ah, so it's you boy!

>Raven: Welcome back, Mr. Anderson...we've missed you.

We'll see how well
you do without your ship. Kill him." Bloth yelled.

>Zorak: What IS this author's problem with exclamation marks? What few I've seen are in all the wrong places.

>Raven (Grimly): After reading one of Micheal Bearden's fics, it's actually rather refreshing...

>Zorak: ...That bad?

>Raven: Example: {"This is bad!" Micheal thought!} ...He substitutes every freakin' punctuation for an exclamation...the world is 'not' that exciting...

The pirates surged forward
only to be immediately blown back by Ryoko's force field. Bloth himself
stepped forward.

>Billy (As Bloth): I am the leader. I am the boss. I am the walrus.

>Raven: *Laughs* So, Bloth is an inter-galactic hippie.

Ryoko grinned and sank into the deck of the ship. Suddenly
the deck shifter under Bloth's feet and formed into a giant sized Ryoko.

>Sam: ...Shipped directly from 'Just my Size'

She
grabbed Bloth and threw him into the water.

>All (Yelling with their mouths out of sync) : It's Godzilla!

Kagato blasted her and the shell shattered. "Ryoko, you don't think this will
hurt me do you?"

>Zorak: Kagato has evolved beyond the boundry of common sense.

>Billy: ...Not unlike this fic.

Ryoko fell onto the deck. Suddenly from behind Kagato
a beam of light shot through the deck of the ship. Tenchi in full battle gear flew
up into the air. "Kagato don't you dare touch her."

>Raven (As Tenchi): In the name of love, I order you to cease this at once!

The Malestrom shook and
split in half.

>Billy: ...Care to tell us how?

Kagato prepared to blast both him and Ryoko to dust,

>Billy: ...Guess not.

>Raven (Sarcastic): Clayton's too superior to explain himself to us.

the dark
dwellar fighting with the crew of the Wraith, when a red light flashed across
the ship. Kagato turned to see Washu, Ayeaka, Sasami, and Yosho step out
of the deminsion tunnel.

>Zorak (As Washu): Wait a second, this isn't Sea World...

With a growl he teleprted back to his ship.

>Sam (As Kagato): I would have succeeded if it wasn't for those meddling plot contrivances!

The dark
dwellar, seeing Kagato run, dived back into the water.

>Zorak (As Dark Dweller): He who runs away like a little panzy lives to fight and lose again another day!

Kagato reapeared behind Tenchi and tried to stab him in the back, but
Washu froze him in place with a thought.

>Billy (As Washu): Oh, we're gonna' have 'a lot' of fun putting 'you' in girl's clothes...HAHAHAHAHA!

Washu smiled at Tenchi, "Sorry we're late. We only got Ryo-oki's distress
call afew minutes ago."

>All:...

>Billy: ...Again, they didn't do this before because...?

Tenchi smiled and nodded.

>Zorak: Much like what we've been doing this entire time.

"Thanks guys."
Ren stepped forward and introduced himself.

>Zorak (As Ren ala Ron Bergundy to Washu): Hello, my name is Ren and I just wanted to tell you...you have an absolutely 'breath-taking' hiney...

Tenchi looked
over the ship and saw the prisoners kicking the pirates into the sea with Bloth.

>Raven (As Refugee#1): And take this stupid crate with you, bastards!

>Sam (As Refugee#2): Damn it! Those were our only rations!

"Ren, do you think you four can take it from here?"

>Zorak (As Ryoko): I mean, now that the pirates are steadily drowning, Kagato ran away, scared and the Dark Dweller is miles beneath you, are you 'totally' sure you can handle what's left?

>Raven (As Ren): Sure, but can you get us back to the Wraith?

>Zorak (As Ryoko): Hell no! Free rides only come once, jackass!

Ryoko asked. He smiled
nd looekd at her. "Sure thing Ryoko. We still have to find the treasures
though." Ryoko raised an eyebrown and looked at Washu. "Hey mom, do
you think you can help them find the gems Kagato used to keep Fred under
control?" Washu smiled. "Ofcourse Ryoko." She pushed some keys on her
computer and suddenly the six missing treasures appeared.

>Sam (As Ren): Oh, cool! Now let's throw em' out into the ocean and start the search all over again!

"I assumed you
were the ones who put the other seven at the lighthouse so I left them." Ren
took the treasures and thanked them all profusely. Ryoko had Ryo-oki
teleport their ship to them and shrank the pirates down.
Watching their friends sail off Ryoko turned to Tenchi and hugged him. "I
missed you Tenchi." Tenchi hugged her and kissed her head. "I missed you
too Ryoko." Ayeaka looked like she was about to gag.

The end

Author's note

So what did you think?

>Zorak: You've got a lot of balls, asking me that.

I figured, "Hey, there's no reason that the crossovers
have to be other anime series."

>Raven: ...Unless you want it to turn up as stupid and incoherent as this.

They never finished the Pirates of Darkwater

>Billy (As Clayton): So I figured I'd tie it in to TM and ruin everyone's outlook on the entire series in general.

so I thought it might work. I know that things seemed to come a little easlily
to Ryoko and Tenchi in this, but they are almost all powerful. What did you
expect.

>Raven: Something that 'didn't' suck.

This story was my attempt at breaking the mold,

>Sam: If this is breaking the mold, I feel safer being bland.

but feel free to do
your own fics like it if you want.

>Zorak: If, of course, you wanna' wind up getting MST'd

I'm sure there are all sorts of things that the
Tenchi gang could do on this world.

>Raven: This is, and shall always remain a good example of what 'not' to do.

*Seemingly endless rambling from the MST'er*

Well, I've decided to substitute the usual closing ficlet with an opportunity to get some stuff off my chest...Yes, though I took a particularly sizable break from writing (Of which, in truth, I really never intended to come back from) I had never actually 'parted' with the TMFFA, reading whatever looked appealing, which was few and far between...actually there wasn't anything...the last good MST'ing that was worth a damn was something from BlaqueTalon. To be frank, I got sick and tired of seeing the mounds of el-crapola from nimrods like BigKwell and StoHelit who seem to take some idiotic desire in completely abandoning the point of MST'ing, morphing what is supposed to be a literary gag meant for a few laughs into a sappy, pseudo-dramatic Soap-opera knock-off piece of shit. What was more shock was that if you managed to have the staying power to read through these dumbshit's forty-page story portion (Or just skipped through it, like me) and reached the actual MST, what few riffs you saw were either observations of mistakes, or about as lame as the day is long (Again, I'm looking in BigKwell's direction)...Though a little opinionative, I'm not entirely a bad guy, and I really do hope that one day MST'ers (If you call them that) Like BigKwell, Jinxie, and StoHelit (There's far more, I assure you) will either

1: Figure out that, though it's okay to have a little bit of story in the MST, when a four-star saga is thrown in just for kicks, it cheapens the humor factor and disgraces the name of MST'ing.

...or...

2: Realize that they have no talent whatsoever when it comes to insulting someone else's piece of literary work, and hopefully move on to find a new lot in life. (Either that, or swallow a battery then hang themselves...whichever works for me)