Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ The Silence of the Penguins ❯ One-Shot
The second and most popular episode of "MST Antarctica" to date. Jerrod and Jim MST "Tenchi the Cannibal" by AAA-Phucknut. Guest appearance by Dragonball Z's Bulma.
Anime/Manga: Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Horror | Type: Revenge Fic | Uploaded On: 06.24.2002 | Updated On: 06.24.2002 | Pages: 37 | Words: 8.6K | Visits: 497 | Status: Completed
(Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and all its characters are owned by Pioneer Entertainment
and AIC. Bulma, Trunks, and all other Dragonball Z related stuff belong to Funimation.
Jerrod, Jim, Mr. Silverfish, and King Matt are owned by ME. So, please ask for
my permission before using them, K? Now, on with the freakin' fic!)
===============================================================< /div>
Somewhere in the depths of the oceans of the planet we call Earth, there exist
guardians. Guardians of good taste and common decency.
Guardians whose sole purpose in life is to hunt down the fan fictions created by authors
who are too ignorant, too stupid, and too retarded to seek professional help without
being forced to do so by a court-order.
Brave souls who will risk their own sanity, and quite possibly their man-sacks, to find
these "fanfics" and tear into them like a pack of half-starved wolverines to a baby-back
rib.
These are the voyages of the brave crew of the bi-terrain vehicle known as...
MST ANTARCTICA
--------------- The Crew:
Captain-Jerrod the Lone Outlaw: Bring it on!
First Officer-Jim the Talking Penguin: Who's yo' daddy!!
Ensign-Mr. Siverfish: I've got THE cushiest job on da' WHOLE freakin'
SHIP!! ^_^
--------------The Land-Lubber:
King Matt: Hey! I resent that remark! GUUAAAAAARDS!!!!
===============================================================< /div>
Episode 02: The Silence of the Penguins
[Dateline: the Pacific Ocean. Tuesday, 2001]
(Approximately five miles east of the Galapagos Islands, the MST Antarctica cruses
below the surface of the sea. The camera does a close-up of the "Penguin Head", i.e. the
bridge.)
[The Bridge]
(The camera at the front of the bridge comes on. In the center is Jerrod the Lone Outlaw,
sitting in the captain's chair, wearing loose-fit jeans, tennis shoes, socks, and a red
hawaiin shirt with blue flowers on it. In front of him and to his right, stationed at what
appears to be the communications station, is Jim the Talking Penguin. He is wearing a
light-blue T-shirt with the phrase "Kiss Me, I'm Antarctican." written on the front in
white. In front and to Jerrod's left is Mr. Silverfish, sitting at the secondary helm control,
"reading" the latest copy of "Playbug".)
>Jerrod: Hi, folks! Welcome to another exciting episode of "MST Antarctica"! I'm your
co-host, Jerrod the Lone Outlaw.
>Jim: And I'M Jim the Talking Penguin!
>Mr. Silverfish (still flipping through "Playbug" magazine): Ohhhh, baby! *gurgle*
>Jerrod (looking at Mr. Silverfish): What the hell? MR. SILVERFISH!!!
>Mr. Silverfish (startled): Gyaaaa!! I'm not doin' nothin'!
>Jim: That's the problem! Your SUPPOST to be piloting the SHIP!
>Mr. Silverfish: Oh, calm down. See? She's on auto-pilot.
>Jerrod (raises eyebrow): But we haven't installed the auto-pilot, yet.
(Everything is silent for about six seconds, then...)
>All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!
>Jim: WE'RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!
(Jerrod jumps up, takes the controls, and pulls back hard on the control stick. The
Antarctica just barely misses hitting a pod of whales and continues toward the surface.)
===============================================================< /div>
[On The Surface...]
(Two pelicans are resting on the water.)
>Pellican #1: Same ol', same ol'.
>Pellican #2: Yup.
(Suddenly, the Antarctica plows into them from underneath. The pellicans go flying
through the air, while the Antarctica belly-flops back into the water.)
>Pellicans: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!
(The pellicans crash land onto one the Galapagos Islands. Slowely, they pick themselves
back up.)
>Pellican #1 (weakly): Uuuuuuuugh... That was definetely NOT same ol', same ol'!
>Pellican #2 (ditto): Nope.
===============================================================< /div>
[Back in the Antarctica...]
(Jerrod is trying to keep Jim, who is wielding a can of Raid, away from Mr. Silverfish.)
>Jim (EXTREMELY p.o.'ed): YAAAAAAAAAA!!! LEMME AT 'EM!! LET-ME-AT- HIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!! I'LL MOIDOLIZE THE BUM!!!
>Jerrod: For God's sake, Jim! Will you calm down?! He didn't KNOW the auto-pilot hadn't been installed yet!
>Jim: HE'S THE F**KING PILOT!! HE'S SUPPOST TO KNOW THESE THINGS!!!
>Mr. Silverfish (hiding behind Jerrod): Seriously, man, I really didn't know! I swear!
(Just then, King Matt appears on the ship's viewscreen.)
>King Matt: Greetings, my loyal subjects!
(Jerrod, Jim, and Mr. Silverfish stop fighting.)
>Jerrod: Oh, um... Hey, how it goin', your kingship?
>King Matt: Very well, Outlaw, very well indeed. And don't call me "your kingship".
>Jerrod (puppy-dog eyes and "the lip"): AWWWWWWW! But that's just my widdle pet name for my new fwiend.
>King Matt (sweatdrops): O-kaaaaaaaay. THAT is disturbing.
>Jim & Mr. Silverfish: No s**t.
>King Matt: Anyway, I called to inform you that you will be having a GUEST over soon to install the auto-pilot.
>Jim (sarcastically): Awwww! And Caroline still has my good china!
>King Matt (continuing): She should be arriving any minute now.
>Crew: SHE?!!
>Jerrod: If it's Washu, I'm outta here!
>Jim (to King Matt): If it IS Washu, I'm gonna come over there and kick your ASS!!
>King Matt: For your information, Penguin, Outlaw, it is NOT Little Washu.
(The crew breathes a collective sigh of relief.)
>King Matt: And Jim?
>Jim: Yeah?
>King Matt (cheerfully): If you should ever threaten me with bodilly harm ever again, I'll have you sent to the gallows. ^_^
Jim: *gulp* Um... gotcha.
>Mr. Silverfish (looking at the radar): Hey, guys! She's here!
(The crew looks out of a nearby porthole and watches as a small mini-sub comes up
alongside the Antarctica, where it then goes above the ship and lands directly on the
air lock on the "penguin's back".)
>Computer: *bing* Docking sequence complete. Air lock secure.
>Jerrod: Mr. Silverfish, you have the Com. Jim! To the air lock!
(Jerrod & Jim leave the bridge, leaving Mr. Silverfish all alone with the exception of
King Matt on the viewsceen. Mr. Silverfish then turns to the Boy King.)
>Mr. Silverfish: So... you see "The Mummy Returns"?
>King Matt: Oh, yes. It was quite excellent.
>Mr. Silverfish (nods): Ahhhh.
===============================================================< /div>
[The Air Lock]
(Jerrod is at the top of a ladder, trying to unscrew the hatch, while Jim leans up against
the wall, watching Jerrod fight with the hatch.)
>Jerrod (fighting with hatch): You stupid thing! RRRRRRGH! Open, dammit, open!!
>Jim: Maybe you should try turning it the OTHER way.
>Jerrod: Yeah, that might work.
(Jerrod tries the other way, but that doesn't work either.)
>GRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! DAMMIT!!
>Jim: Maybe you gripping it wrong.
>Jerrod (frustrated): If you think you're so SMART, then YOU try it!
>Jim (holding up flippers): Can't. No opposable thumbs.
>Jerrod: Well then... SHUT UP, ALREADY!!
(Finally, Jerrod gets the hatch open.) *CLICK*
>Jerrod: Hallejuya!!
(Jerrod extends his left arm into the air lock for the sake of courtesy.)
>Ok, lady! Just take my hand and I'll help you down, 'K?
>Lady in the air lock: No, no, I'm okay. But could you take my son for me, please?
>Jerrod (slightly confused): Uh... okey-dokey!
>Lady in the air lock: Thanks! You're a real help! I'll be down in just a sec.
(The lady then hands Jerrod a toddler around a year and a half old. He's wearing a plain
white T-shirt, purple shorts, socks, shoes, and purple baby hat. He's slightly plump, has
blue eyes, and what little hair he has is purple. Jerrod takes the toddler and climbs back
down the ladder.)
>Jerrod (looking at baby): Hey, little guy! How ya' doin'? Boy, your awfully cute, now aren't you?
(The baby just laughs.)
>Jim: Yeah, he's cute. But we penguins are MUCH cuter when WE'RE babies.
>Jerrod: What's your name, little guy?
>Lady in the air lock: His name is Trunks.
>Jerrod & Jim: Ohhhhh.
(Jerrod and Jim's eyes bug-out when the name finally hits them.They both turn their heads toward the air lock.)
>Jim: If he's Trunks, then that means she's...
>Jerrod: Yep.
(The lady finally comes down the air lock, reveiling herself to be none other than...)
>Jerrod & Jim (smiling): BULMA!!
>Bulma: Yep! That's me! Your friend called Capsule Corp. for the auto-pilot parts and
installation.
>Jerrod: Smart.
>Jim: Very smart.
>Jerrod: Boy, I can only wonder how much THIS little endeavor's gonna cost His Royal Highness. You know, getting the repair crew from a whole different universe...
>Bulma: Well, he'd better be rich, that's for sure! The bill WILL also include the cost of gas.
(Jim whistles.)
>Jerrod: Yikes. And at the price it's at nowadays...
(Trunks begins to become restless and starts reaching for Bulma.)
>Jerrod: Here, Bulma... I think he wants YOU, now.
(Jerrod hands Trunks to Bulma. Trunks immediately calms down.)
>Bulma: Thanks, um, what's your name again?
>Jerrod: Oh, that's right! I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Jerrod the Lone Outlaw, but you can me Jerrod. And the bird on my left is my best buddie, Jim the Talking Penguin.
>Jim (waves): Hello.
>Bulma: Well, it's nice to meet you guys. Now, I've got some work to do. Could you please show me to the bridge?
>Jim: Sure thing! Right this way, please.
(Jerrod and Jim, followed by Bulma with Baby Trunks, head over to the bridge.)
===============================================================< /div>
[Back on the bridge...]
>King Matt (to Mr. Silverfish): ... and then the Bishop goes, "Your dog? I thought that was your WIFE!!"
>Mr. Silverfish: BAH- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOUR WIFE!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(Jerrod, Jim, Bulma, and Trunks enter the bridge.)
>Jerrod: So, you guys have fun while we were gone?
>King Matt: Oh, VERY much so, Outlaw.
>Mr. Silverfish: YOUR WIFE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
>Jim (looking at Mr. Silverfish): I'm afraid to ask.
>Bulma: Well, I'd better be getting to work. Could somebody watch Trunks for me, please?
>King Matt: Well, It will have to be Mr. Silverfish.
>Mr. Silverfish: HAHA... Huh?
>Jerrod: You're gonna be watching Trunks while Bulma installs the auto-pilot.
>Mr. Silverfish: WAITAMINUTE!! I don't know nut'n 'bout raisin' no babies!!
(turns to King Matt) Why can't Outlaw and Jim do it?!
>King Matt: Because while Bulma is installing the auto-pilot, and you're watching little Trunks, Jerrod and Jim will be doing an MST.
(Bulma yells and jumps up.)
>Bulma: AAAAGH!! MST?! THIS IS AN MST SHIP?!!
>Jerrod: Yeah, so?
>Bulma (outraged): Alright! NO one is making ME do an MST! I'd rather get gonorrhea from a goat!
>King Matt: Relax, madame. You're ONLY here to install the auto-pilot. You're NOT doing ANY MSTs.
>Bulma: Oh, well, never mind then. (Goes back to work.)
>King Matt (sweatdrops): Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, guys, your fic today will be "Tenchi the Cannibal" by AAA-Phucknut. Enjoy! (King Matt hangs up.) *CLICK*
>Jerrod: "Tenchi the CANNIBAL"?!!
>Jim: We've read and reviewed it once already! Why do we have to do it again?!
>Mr. Silverfish: Well, ya' guys reviewed it, but ya' didn't MST it.
>Jim: Oh, shut up.
(Trunks grabs onto one of Mr. Silverfish's antennas.)
>Mr. Silverfish: HEY! LET GO O' THAT!!
>Jerrod: *sigh* Come on, Jim. Maybe since we've read it already we won't throw up this time.
>Jim: I hope your right.
>Jerrod: Computer?
>Computer: Yes?
>Jerrod: Activate Music File JB#1, please.
(The James Bond theme begins playing over the PA system.)
>Jim(posing like he's holding a gun, & using British accent): Penguin. James Penguin.
(Jerrod and Jim exit the bridge by slowly being lowered through a trap door in the floor.
Bulma and Mr. Silverfish look at the spot where Jerrod and Jim were lowered. The James
Bond music stops.)
>Bulma: That was... strange.
>Mr. Silverfish (shrugs shoulders): Eh. They like dramatic entrances and exits. (looks off camera)
>Hey! No, Trunks! Bad!
(Jerrod and Jim finish being lowered as the theme to "Get Smart" starts up.)
>Jerrod (points to right): This way.
(Jerrod and Jim walk in direction Jerrod was pointing. They walk through an automatic
door and go right, where they come to another trap door. Jim opens it, discovering a
flight of stairs going down. The duo goes down the stairs and hang another right, where
they come upon a telephone booth. They step inside and Jerrod presses some of the
buttons on the phone. Suddenly, a trap door opens under them and they fall in. They
act perfectly calm. They land right in their seats in the theater.)
===============================================================< /div>
[the theater]
(Jerrod lands in the second seat from the right asle, and Jim lands upside down in the asle
seat. Jim twitches his feet.)
>Jim (muffled): Um... could you help me out here a little, Jerrod?
>Jerrod (looks a Jim): Oh, lord.
(Jerrod sets Jim right-side-up.)
>Jerrod: Better?
>Jim: Much.
>Jerrod (French accent): Mista Silvafeesh! Start ze fic!
>Mr. Silverfish (pirate accent): Arrgh! Aye aye, cap'n!
Tenchi the Cannibal
By AAA-PhuckNut
>Jim: Boy, his parents must REALLY not've liked him if he's got a name like THAT!
>Jerrod (nods): Oh, yeah.
Disclaimer:
>Jerrod (deep voice): The story you are about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the ignorant.
I don't own these characters, blah blah blah.
>Jim: Yada yada yada.
To celebrate the soon to be released movie "Hannibal",
>Jim: He was the guy who used elephants for tanks, right?
>Jerrod: Different Hannibal.
which is the sequel to the movie, "Silence of the Lambs", I thought I would write this fic.
>Jerrod: So, GOOD movies inspire STUPID fanfics. Interesting...
If you read my fic "Tenchi the Thug",
(Jerrod & Jim shudder at the name)
>Jim: Don't remind me.
you will probably remember Washu's invention, the personality device.
>Jerrod (sarcastic): Yeah! It was the greatest thing since the HINDENBURG!!
>Jim: Or the Delorian!
>Jerrod: Or Michael Ducacas in '88!
>Jim: Oooooooh! Good one!
Well, this fic would take place instead of it,
>Jerrod: So, then, it's an AU story, then?
>Jim: Whoopedy-freakin'-doo!
that way it won't be considered a chapter of Tenchi the Thug.
>Jim: He doesn't even want to be associated with his own story?! Now that's just sad.
>Jerrod (mimicking the violin & singing): Cryyyy meeeee a riverrrrrrrrrrr!
________________________________________________________________ ________
>Jim (panicking): HE'S FLATLINED!!!
>Jerrod (acting like he's got "paddles"): CLEAR! (Jerrod "shocks" Jim.) BZZZZZT!!
Washu is hard at work in her lab,
>Jerrod & Jim (bored): Again.
on her greatest invention ever.
>Jerrod & Jim (bored): Again.
"Yes!"
>Jerrod (Peter Suzuki): We're having SOUP today!!!
>Jim (looking at Jerrod w/ a raised eyebrow): "We're having soup today"?
>Jerrod: Hey, I like Peter Suzuki. He's cool.
Im finally done with my most favorite project!!" beamed Washu.
>Jim: Cold fusion?
>Jerrod: A cure for world hunger?
>Jim: A cure for all disease?
>Jerrod: Proof of the existance of Tony Danza?
(Jim just looks at Jerrod with a bizzare expression on his face.)
>Jerrod:What?
>Jim: Tony DANZA?!
>Jerrod: Well, yeah! He's practically disapeared ever since "Who's the Boss" went off the air.
>Jim: ......Tony DANZA?!
"The personality device!!!" Washu proclaimed.
>Jerrod: Well, I proclaim that this fic SUCKS!
>Jim : Tony DANZA?!
>Jerrod: Okay, seriously dude. We're passed that now.
Washu grabbed the device and headed towards the door.
>Jim (sing-songy): I smell trou-ble.
"Now to test it!! Tenchi is probably working in the field.."
>Jerrod: Uh-oh!
"I think I'll go test it on him!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!" Washu thought to herself.
>Jerrod: Spider Sense! Danger!!
>Jim: Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!
Washu snuck out of her lab, luckily not running to any of the other girls,
>Jerrod: It's not luck if it's intentional, dipstick!
and went out to the field to find Tenchi.
>Jerrod: The field of dreams?
>Jim (ominous whisper): If you write this fic, it will suck.
Aha! There he is!" Washu said, while snickering to herself.
>Jerrod: There are probably only two things I like about Triple A.
>Jim (looking at Jerrod puzzled): And those would be...?
>Jerrod: Number one: he can spell. And number two: he knows his grammer.
>Jim: True, true.
"Wow, its a hot day out today." Tenchi said while wiping sweat off his forehead.
>Jerrod (throws hands up into air): NEVER MIND!
>Jim: Hey, buddie! It's supposed to be "it's"! And you put a period in there instead
of a comma!
Unfortuneatly for Tenchi,
>Jerrod & Jim: UnforturNEATly
he didn't notice Washu hiding near the aiming her device at him, prepairing to fire.
>Jerrod: AHA! So, it was WASHU who was the second gunman on the Grassy Knoll!!
>Jim: I don't think Washu usually goes sneaking around using innocent bystanders as unknowing guinei pigs.
>Jerrod: Really! That's the government's job.
"Let's see now.."
>Jim (Washu): How does this thing work again?
"I wonder what Tenchi would be like with a scary personality."
>Jerrod (sarcastically): Duuuh... I dunno. Maybe he'll, like, bake cookies and sing to orphans. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!!
>Jim: Ummmm... he'll go on a homicidal rampage, killing everyone in sight?
>Jerrod (pats Jim on the head): Good Jim! You get a fish.
(Jerrod hands a fish to Jim, whereupon it is devoured in three seconds flat.)
>Jim: *chomp* *glomp* *glomp* *gulp* Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Fish rules!!
"Thats it!! Ill make him think he's Hannibal Lectur!" Washu said to herself.
>Jerrod: You know, for being the greatest scientific genius in the universe, she's about
as dumb as a post.
>Jim: More proof that she is, in fact, a long lost relative of the show's resident moron, Mihoshi.
(Jerrod gets in Jim's face and gives him the "evil eye".)
>GYAA!! What the hell is YOUR problem?!
>Jerrod (backing down): Just... watch it. 'K?
>Jim (looking at Jerrod nervously): Oooooooooooooooooooo-kay.
>(thinking) #What's up with Outlaw? Maybe the fic's starting to get to him.#
Washu set the dial, and fired it at Tenchi.
>Jerrod: BANG!
Nothing happend, the device didnt even make a sound.
>Jerrod (Nelson from "The Simpsons"): HA HA!
"WHAT?!?"
>Jerrod: I SAID, "HA HA!"
"My invention doesn't work?!? DAMN!!" screamed Washu.
>Jerrod & Jim (Jerrod's making an "L" on his forehead, while Jim holds up an "L" shaped
sign.): LOOOOOOOOOOOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Tenchi heard Washu cursing up a storm.
>Jim: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, woman!
>Jerrod: Hey, Jim? What's a *CENSORED*?
>Jim (turning white as a sheet): Um... uh, you REALLY don't wanna know. Trust me!
"Geez, I wonder what happend to Washu, she seems mad."
>Jerrod (Tenchi): Maybe it's her "time of the month".
Tenchi said to himself as he looked over in time to see Washu storm into the house.
Washu went straight back to her lab,
>Jim: To hang herself.
without trying to change Tenchi back, because she didnt think it worked.
Sadly, that will be the last mistake Washu will ever make.
>Jim: What? Going back to her lab, or not changing Tenchi back?
>Jerrod: HA! A REAL scientist would've tested Tenchi for ANY sort of change BEFORE giving up.
(Suddenly, Jerrod is surrounded in a bright, white light.)
>Jerrod: Huh?! What the...
(Before he can finish, Jerrod is transformed into a kappa. Jim just looks at Jerrod, his
eyes the size of dinner plates.)
>Jerrod:*QUACK*?!
>Jim (freaked out): Hoooooooly S**T!!
(Jerrod looks at his hands, or shoud I say flippers, then the rest of his body. He then
proceeds to freak out.)
>Jerrod the Kappa (running up and down the row): *QUACK* *QUACK* *QUACK*
*QUACK* *QUACK* *QUACK* *QUACK* !!!!!!
[translation: "OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH, GOD! OH,
GOD!!!"]
>Jim: Mr. Silverfiiiiiiiiiiish!! We've got a situation down heeeeeere!!!!
(Mr. Silverfish, Bulma, and Baby Trunks enter the theater.)
>Mr. Silverfish: *sigh* All right, what's da'... (notices Jerrod the Kappa running up and
down the row.) HOLY S**T, MAN!!!
>Bulma: What happened?!
>Jim: I think he said something that ticked off Washu!
>Bulma: Washu? As in the self-proclaimed "Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe" Washu?!
>Jim: Yeah! You know her?
>Bulma (p.o.'ed): KNOW her?! That little b**ch owes me fifty bucks!!!
>Jim: Well, what do we do?!
>Bulma: Don't worry. Vegeta ticked Washu off once before, so I know now how to
fix this.
(Bulma removes from here pocket a small capsule marked "1". She presses the buton on
the top, drops the capsule, and steps back.)
>Everyone stand back.
(The capsule transforms, in a cloud of smoke, into a 5'x5' metal box with levers, dials,
and gages on the sides. Bulma walks over and fiddles with the dials. Jerrod waddles
over.)
>Jerrod: *QUACK*?
(translation: #What the heck is THAT?#)
>Bulma: There! That should do it!
(Bulma picks jerrod the Kappa up, opens the top of the box, and sets Jerrod inside. She
then closes the box.)
Bulma (placing her hand on a lever): Allright... Here it goes.
(Bulma pulls the lever and the box begins to shake, rattle, and glow. After about ten
of this...)
*DING*
(The box opens up, and Jerrod the Lone Outlaw stands up. he is back to his human form.)
>Jim: Jerrod! You all right?
>Jerrod (with a goofy smile): Groovy. :)
>Mr. Silverfish: He's good.
>Jerrod: Thanks, Bulma! I owe you big!
>Bulma (waving him off): Forget it. I'll just put it on the bill.
(Bulma recapsilizes the device, and begins to leave the theater with Trunks and Mr.
Silverfish.)
>See you guys after the fic!
>Jerrod: Okay! Bye!
>Mr. Silverfish: Heh... glad I don't have THEIR jobs.
>Jerrod: I HEARD THAT!!
(Bulma, Trunks, and Mr. Silverfish leave.)
>Jim: Well, now that that's settled... CAN WE GET ON WITH THE DAMN FIC?!!
Jerrod (sitting back down): Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Computer! Restart fic from previous
line.
>Computer: Affirmative.
===============================================================< /div>
Everyone sat around the dinner table, just like a normal night.
>Jim: Since WHEN is ANYTHING that occurs in that house NORMAL?
"What is wrong with me?"
>Jerrod (Tenchi): Why do always think about Bea Arthur naked when I masturbate?
>Jim (glares at Jerrod): Thank you SO much for that mental picture!!
"Everytime I look at someone,"
>Jim (Austin Powers): I make them all HORNY, baby! YEAH!
"I get this strange hunger!"
>Jerrod (minister): It is the SIN of LUST, my child!
>Jim (following suite): The DEVIL is in you!!!
"Something is definitely wrong, maybe I just need some sleep." Tenchi thought to
himself.
"Man, Im really tired. Im gonna go to bed now,"
>Jerrod (Tenchi): And whack off to an episode of "Barney and Friends".
>Jim (irritated): GROSS !! >_<
"goodnight everyone." Tenchi said to everyone.
>Jim: Well, THAT was redundant.
Tenchi the went to his room.
>Jerrod (confused): Tenchi the what? Tenchi the Dork?
>Jim: The Stupid?
>Jerrod: The Cannibal?
>Jim: The Thug?
>Jerrod: The Bear Who Could Use A Gun?
>Jim: The Homo?
>Mr. SIlverfish (via intercom): Enough already!
and started to get ready for bed,
(Jerrod & Jim start imitating porno music.)
just then Ryoko teleported into his room.
>Jim (depressed): I wish I could do that.
"Oh Tenchi! You look like you need to relax."
>Jerrod (Tenchi): What I need is a beer. (holds up a bottle of "Antarctic Draft" beer) Like a nice, cold "Antarctic Draft" for example.
*BUY ANTARCTIC DRAFT*
>Jim (holding up another bottle): It's smooth, yet tasty!
*BUY ANTARCTIC DRAFT*
(Jerrod and Jim take a swig.)
>Jerrod & Jim: *glug* *glug* *glug* *buyantarcticdraft* *gulg* *glug* (wipe mouths) Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
(Jerrod and Jim put the bottles away.)
>Mr. Silverfish (via intercom): Um... Did you guys just do a beer plug?!
>Jerrod & Jim: Yep.
>Mr. Silverfish: Hoo boy... Somebody's gonna raise Hell about THIS.
"I can help you, Tenchi." Ryoko said very seductively.
>Jim (jumping up from his seat): WHOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!
>Jerrod (putting his head in his hands): Not THIS again!
>Jim: Well, she IS!
"Ryoko, Im
>Jerrod: Gonna puke! (makes fake barfing sounds) BLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRGH!!!
feeling VERY wired..
>Jim: Wired? I thought he was tired.
>Jerrod: It's supposed to be WEIRD, Jim. It's a typo.
>Jim: Oh.
I cant think straight..
>Jim (pointing at screen): AH-HA!! I KNEW HE WAS GAY!!
>Jerrod: Will you sit down?!! That's NOT what he meant and YOU know it!
I have this feeling
>Jerrod (Tenchi): ...That something very bad is going to happen.
that something very bad is going to happen.
>Jim (staring at Jerrod in shock): Oh my God... You're PSYCHIC!!
>Jerrod: We've already READ this fic before, ya' moron!!
>Jim (embarrassed): Oh, yeah...
Please, I want you and the others TO LEAVE UNTIL I CAN
>Jerrod & Jim (jumping back): WHOA!
>Jerrod (looking behind): Hey! Who's messin' with the caps?!!
>Bulma: Sorry, Jerrod. Trunks is just getting a little out of hand for Mr. Silverfish.
>Jim: Well, he's YOUR kid! Why don't YOU do somethin'?!
>Bulma: I'm trying, you jerk!
figure out whats wrong.
>Jim: There we go.
Go tell the others, go to Tokyo and stay there for a week, please do this for me Ryoko.."
Tenchi said.
>Jim: That's just like the kid.
>Jerrod: Yeah. Putting the safety and well-being of his friends and family ahead of his
own.
"But Tenchi!-" Ryoko said, but was interupted by Tenchi.
"Please Ryoko, just do it." Tenchi said.
>Jerrod (deep voice): This fic being brought to you today by Nike.
>Jim (ditto): Proud propriator of grade-F sweatshops around the globe!
"Oh ok Tenchi, Ill do it for you." Ryoko said.
>Jerrod: Now, here is a prime example of the comma slacking off and the apostrophe
being non-existant.
>Jim (nods): Uh-huh.
"Here, take this money."
>Jerrod (Tenchi) : Now, blow me like you've never blown before.
>Jim: THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! >_<
"That way you will be able to stay for a while in Tokyo." Tenchi said as he handed her
the money.
>Jim (Ryoko): FIVE bucks?! You expect us to live in Tokyo on FIVE bucks, you cheap
bastard?!!
Ryoko left Tenchi's room,
>Jim: HEY! The apostrophe's back!!
>Jerrod (bored): Yea.
but she dismissed everything he just said, thinking that it was crazy talk,
>Jerrod (Vince MacMahon): You ignorant fool!
so she didnt even bother telling everyone else.
>Jim: Thus condemming them all.
Ryoko decided that since she had the money, she wouldnt waste it,
>Jerrod: It's "SHOULDN'T waste it", retard!
so Ryoko left to Tokyo,
>Jerrod: "FOR Tokyo"! It's "FOR Tokyo"!
planning to stay there a few days.
>Jim: So... She lied to Tenchi, didn't tell the others that a great evil was coming, and
hopped the next flight to Tokyo.
>Jerrod: Yep.
>Jim (folds flippers across chest): Hmph! I always KNEW she was a lying, cheating,
back-stabbing, money-grubbing, little b*tch!
(Without warning, a red light shoots down from the top of the theater and fries Jim.)
*KA-ZAAAP!*
>Jerrod (O_O): HOLY F**KING S**T, DUDE!!!
>Jim (burnt to a crisp): Uuuuuuuuuuuoooooooog...
(Ryoko materializes in front of Jim.)
>Ryoko: Take it back?
(Jim nods quickly.)
>Ryoko: Good birdy. (pats him on the head.)
>Jim (Knocked silly): i'M a BuNNy rAbBIt.
>Jerrod: Thanks a LOT, Ryoko! You broke him!
>Ryoko (waves him off): Oh, he'll be fine, Outlaw. And by the way, mom's p*ssed at you.
>Jerrod: So I've noticed.
>Ryoko: Well, anyway, just stay away from her for a while, okay?
>Jerrod: No prob.
>Ryoko: Okay, then. See ya' later!
(Ryoko blows a kiss towards Outlaw and teleports away. )
>Jim (singing): Jer-rod and Ryo-ko, sittin' in a tree! F-U-C...
>(Jerrod smashes Jim over the head with his "whopping" shovel, knocking him onto the
floor.)
*WHAM*
>Jerrod: Not funny, dude.
>Jim (weakly): You're no fun.
________________________________________________________________ ________
Morning finally arrived, but Tenchi just wasnt himself, it was as if he didn't have control
over his body anymore,
>Jerrod: Which was made evident when he discovered that he had crapped his pants
sometime in the middle of the night.
>Jim (getting up): AAA-Phucknut presents... "Tenchi the Incontinent"!
he had a hunger..
>Jerrod: ... for McDonald's!
>Jim: ... for Arby's!
>Mr. Silverfish (via intercom): ...for veal!
>Jerrod & Jim: EEEEEEEEWWWW!!!
a hunger for human flesh!!
>Jim: SOMEBODY needs a psychiatrist!
"Oh Tenchi!! Its time for breakfast!!" Sasami cheerfully said as she entered Tenchi's
bedroom.
>Jim: Hey, look! It's Sasami!
>Jerrod & Jim (acting like they're looking at a puppy): AWWWWWWWWWWWW!
"Oh Sasami, yes it is time for breakfast, come here my little Sasami." Tenchi said.
>Jerrod (wide-eyed): Uh-oh.
>Jim: What?
>Jerrod: You remember what happens next, don't you?
>Jim (thinking): Hmmmm..... (goes wide-eyed) OH, CRAP!!
Sasami was slightly puzzled, yet she sill approached Tenchi.
>Jerrod & Jim (freakin' out): DON'T GO IN THERE!!!
"Are you feeling ok? You look like your sick!"Sasami said.
>Jerrod: Oh, he's "sick", alright.
Tenchi quickly grabbed her and shut the door.
>Jim (crossing guard from "National Lampoon's Senior Trip): They never listen to me. Fools, they never LISTEN to me. Never, never, never.
"AHHHHH---" Sasami screamed, but was cut off as Tenchi's hand covered her mouth.
>Jerrod (to Sasami in fic): If you lick his hand, he'll let go!
>Jim: And if THAT doesn't work, BITE HIM!
"Shutup you little wench!!" Tenchi blurted out to Sasami.
>Jerrod: First of all, it's "shut up", NOT "shutup", you dumb f**k!
>Jim: And who the f**k calls ANYONE a "wench" nowadays, huh?
Sasami struggled and screamed
>Jerrod: And I thought he had his hand over her mouth.
as she saw Tenchi grab a knife he was hiding under his pillow.
>Jim: When the HELL did he get that?!
>Jerrod: Apparently, Triple-A's applying "slasher flick" logic to this crapfest.
>Jim: No, I think he's just a suck-ass writer.
"Now, my little Sasami, Its time to eat!" Tenchi said.
>Jerrod: Here it comes!
>Jim: Quick! Get the barf bags and the Pepto!
Tenchi quickly took the knife
>Jerrod: I thought he already HAD it?
and quickly slit her little throat.
>Jim (holding beak): HURG! (grabs barf bag.)
Sasami gurgled up blood until she finally died.
>Jim (holding barf bag open): BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! BLLLLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! BLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGHHHHH!!!
>Jerrod: Feel better?
>Jim (weakly): Wait, wait... BLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!
(wipes beak) Yeah, I'm cool.
>Jerrod: Good for you. (takes a swig of Pepto Bismal) *glug* *glug* *glug* *glug* *glug* (wipes mouth) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
"Mmmmm, I can tell you will be very delicious!" Tenchi said to Sasami's corpse.
>Jim: I can't look!
>(Jim places his barf bag over his head. His USED barf bag.)
*SQUISH*
>Jerrod (looks at Jim and blinks): Umm... Jim?
>Jim: Yes?
>Jerrod (raises eyebrow): Didn't you just USE that barf bag?
(Jim nods slowly. The sound of Jim's bile can be heard sloshing inside the bag.)
>You, uh, wanna go clean up?
>Jim: Please?
>Jerrod: Go ahead.
(Jim leaves the theater slowly, the bile sloshishing around with each step.)
*sloosh* *sloosh* *sloosh*
>Jerrod (thinking): #And then, there was one.#
Tenchi then started to cut chunks of meat from her body, and nibbled on her fingers.
>Jerrod: Nibble, nibble, like a mouse...
"Ahhhh.. so refreshing!!"
>Jerrod: Sasami... the fresh maker!
>Bulma (via intercom): THAT'S GROSS!!
>Jerrod: Waitaminute... you're WATCHING?!
>Bulma: Just while Jim's in the bathroom.
proclaimed Tenchi as he sucked
>Jerrod (laughingly): Got that right!
the meat off one of her fingers.
>Jim (off screen): Make way! Comin' through!
(Jim comes back and sits in his seat.)
>So, what'd I miss?
>Jerrod: Tenchi just ate Sasami's fingers.
(Jim shivers.)
Just as Tenchi started on her arm,
>Jim: A certain penguin, toting a shotgun, burst into the room and blew his head off. The
end.
he heard someone coming up the stairs.
>Jim: Someone carrying a loaded shotgun with the safety off, ready to blow off his head.
Tenchi quickly threw his blanket over Sasami's body, and ran out of his room, locking it
behind him.
>Jerrod: Apparently, Tenchi has not heard of a "meat locker".
>Jim: Okay, now THAT was bad!
"Oh Tenchi! Good morning!" said Ayeka.
>Jim (freakin' out): AAAAAAAAAH! MY LOVE IS IN DANGER!
>Jerrod: Calm down, bro. There's nothin' you can do about it.
>Jim: WHY, GOD?!! WHYYYYYYYYYY?!!!
Tenchi looked at her,
>Jerrod: And threw up.
(Jim slaps Jerrod.)
*WHACK*
>OW!
and suddenly at wave of hunger
>Jim (confused): "AT wave of hunger"?
>Jerrod: Typo.
passed throughout his body, just like the one he had when he saw Sasami.
>Jim: AAAAAAAAAAGH!! RUN, MY BELOVED! RUN!
(Jerrod just shakes his head in pity.)
"Hello, Ayeka." said Tenchi.
>Jerrod: It's a pleasure to eat... er, MEET you today.
"Have you seen Sasami yet?" Ayeka asked.
>Jerrod (sinister tone): Yes... and she was... DELICIOUS! (does that "Hannibal Lecter tongue thing")
>Jim: That's it... (Jim stands up and charges at Jerrod) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(Jim tackles Jerrod and starts b*tch-slapping him.)
>Will *SLAP* you *SLAP* stop *SLAP* with *SLAP* the *SLAP* innapropriate
*SLAP* comments *SLAP* towards *SLAP* my *SLAP* beloved *SLAP* Ayeka?!!!
>Jerrod (in a daze): Iieeeee aM ThE lLaMA GOd! (faints) *whump*
>Jim (sweatdrops): ... Oops. (gets up and sits back in chair)
"Oh yes, we had a bite to eat a little bit ago." Tenchi said.
>Jim (throwing popcorn & soda at the screen): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HISSSSSSSSSS!!
"Do you know where she is now?" Ayeka asked.
>Jerrod (from floor): My BeLLy. wHY Do yOu ASk?
"No, Im not sure."
>Jim (points toward screen): LIAR!
"Im still a little hungry, would you like to get something to eat?" Tenchi said.
>Jim: SAY NO, AYEKA! JUST SAY NO!!!
>Jerrod: I aM THe WAlruS.
(Tenchi and Ayeka on the screen look at Jerrod and grow sweatdrops.)
"Oh sure." Ayeka said.
>Jim: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
"Good. Let's go down"
>Jerrod (singing): DoooWn-tOOOOoooowN! Gon-NA Go dooOOOOOOwn-TOoooooWN!
>Jim (irritated): Will you be quiet?!
"to the kitchen. Ladies first." Tenchi said.
"Why thank you Tenchi." Ayeka politely said.
>Jim: For God's SAKE, Ayeka! The man just ATE your SISTER!!
(Jerrod struugles to climb back into his seat.)
>Jerrod: Oooooooh. (glares at Jim) Thank's a LOT, "pal"!
>Jim: Sorry.
>Jerrod: Yeah, right. Let's just do this.
Ayeka went down to the kitchen, with Tenchi right behind her.
>Jerrod (sportscaster): And it's a CLOSE one, folks! Princess Ayeka is in the lead, but
Tenchi the Cannibal is gaining fast on the inside!
>Jim (ditto): They're neck and neck! It's a photo-finish!
"Could you grab a frying pan from that cabinet down there?" asked Tenchi.
>Jerrod (Tenchi): It's perfect for cracking heads... er, I mean, EGGS! Perfect for cracking eggs!
"Sure." Ayeka said, as she bent down to open the cabinet.
(Jerrod tilts his head to his left to get a better view of Ayeka's "backside".
>Jerrod: Nice view.
>Jim: Knock that off!!
Tenchi unsheathed
>Jerrod: His "Mighty Johnson" and prepared to...
>Jim (grabbing Jerrod by the shirt collar): Don't... finish... that... thought!
>Jerrod (blinks): ... Okey-dokey.
the butchers knife from its case on the table. He then grabbed onto Ayeka's arm and
spun her around.
>Jerrod (braces himself): Here we go.
>Jim (wide-eyed): Oh, no...
"Tenchi what are you----" Ayeka said just before Tenchi put his free hand on her mouth.
>Jim: FOR THE LOVE GOD, AYEKA! BITE HIM!!
Tenchi quickly slammed her down to the ground and slowly brought the knife to her heart.
(Jim is turning pale.)
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!"
>Jerrod: BEEFY!!
(Jim quickly backhands Jerrod.)
*SMACK*
>Jerrod: OW!
Ayeka mumbeld with fear as she watched Tenchi slowly lower the knife to her heart.
>Jerrod: It is then that she remembers that she owes Kiyone twelve bucks for a lost bet.
(Jim rears up to backhand Jerrod but stops.)
>Jim (putting his hand down): *sigh* Oh, forget it.
"Shhhhh..." Tenchi said as he slowly pieced her chest,
>Jerrod (professional ear-piercer): No, no, no you IDIOT! The belly button is HERE!
(Jim looks like he's about to have a heart attack.)
causing her to have an excrutiatingly painful death.
>Jerrod (sarcastic): *gasp* NO! Ya' think?!
Ayeka gurgled blood from her mouth as the knife went through her heart.
>Jerrod (still sarcastic): Oh, this is LOVELY!
>Jim (weakly): I... don't... fell good.
Tenchi then cut out her heart and began to dice it up.
>Jim (turning green): Excuse me... (picks up a spare barfbag) BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH! BLEEEEEEEEGH! BLEEEEEEEE-BLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
"Mmmmmmm.. I love organ meats!" Tenchi said as he popped a piece of her heart into
his mouth.
>Jim (looking up from barf bag): Uuuuug... It CAN'T get any worse than this... *sniff*
(smells something)*sniff* *sniff* What the hell? *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*
(Jim looks to his left and sees Jerrod putting A-1 Sauce on a juicy, flaime-broiled, eight ounce sirloin steak.)
>Jerrod (looking to right): Hmm? (Sees Jim with mortified expression on his face.) Oh!
I'm sorry! Did you want one? :-)
>Jim: *HURP* (runs to bathroom.)
>Jerrod (confused): Ummm... I take it that's a "no"?
(Jerrod shrugs his shoulders and starts eating.)
Tenchi quickly finished eating her heart and heard a rumbling sound outside.
>Jerrod (between bites): STAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!
Tenchi ran outside to see the Yagami,
>Jerrod: With every weapon it has aimed directly at Tenchi's man-sack. *chomp*
with Kiyone and Mihoshi on board,
>Jerrod (Val Venus): HEL-LO LLLLLLLLLLLADIES! *chomp* gulp*
come crasing out of the sky.
>Jerrod (mouth full of food): Somebody didn't take their ship to Pep-Boys. *gulp*
On the Yagami, Mihoshi had spilt her tea, and Kiyone walked over it not noticing it,
>Jerrod (chewing steak VERY loudly): *chomp* *chomp* *chomp* *chomp* *gulp*
and slipped and knocked herself out.
>Jerrod (wiping mouth): If she walked OVER it, then how in the hell did she slip and
fall?
Mihoshi panicked because Kiyone was out cold,
>Jerrod: Understandable.
and they were about to land.
>Jerrod: Uh-oh.
Mihoshi was panicking so much, that she forgot to steer the ship.
>Jerrod: Double uh-oh.
The ship was heading straight for the shrine where Yosho and Noboyuki were meditating
a bit.
>Jerrod: TRIPLE uh-oh!
(Jim reenters the theater and sits down.)
>Jim (weakly): Hey, what'd I miss?
>Jerrod; Not much. Feel better?
>Jim: Yeah, no thanks to YOU, you desensitized *sshole!
Tenchi watched as the Yagami crashed straight into the shrine, and a big explosion
shortly followed.
>Jerrod (Kiyone): Oh, man! My insurance is gonna go through the roof!
>Jim (Southern hic): Yeeeee-haw! We sa' gonna baba-cue tonight!
Tenchi chuckled to himself,
>Jerrod (Butt-Head): Huh huh huh. Crashes are cool.
>Jim (Beavis): YEAH! Heh heh. FIRE!!
because he knew they were all surely dead,
>Jim: Don't call me "Surely".
and boy was he right. Kiyone's, Mihoshi's, Yosho's, and Noboyuki's bodies were all
incinerated the instant the ship exploded.
>Jerrod: Yo! Triple-A! You ONLY needed to make NOBOYUKI'S name possesive,
you dumb*ss!
>Jim: Five bucks says he flunked English.
>Jerrod: Too rich for MY blood.
Pieces of flaming wreckage crashed down all over the forest, and on top of the Masaki
household.
>Jerrod & Jim (chanting): The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. The roof. The roof. The
roof is on fire.
Washu heard all of the comotion
>Jerrod & Jim (pounding on their armrests): BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!
BULLSHIT!
and decided to see what was going on.
>Jerrod (the neighbor on "That's My Bush"): Hey, Tenchi! It's your favorite mad scientist!
>Jim (bored): Yay.
"What the hell was that noise?" Washu asked as she stepped out of her lab.
>Jerrod (high & all-mighty voice): IT IS THE SOUND OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW
AND LOVE BEING EATEN OR BLOWN UP, AND IT'S AAAAAAAALLLLLL
YOUR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUULT!!!!
>Jim: Nice. Real nice.
Tenchi had already ran out to the tool shed
>Jerrod (peeved): "RUN out"! It's "Tenchi had already RUN out", you retard!! Good God,
man!
>Jim: You've already butchered most of the cast! WHY must you do the same to the
English language?!
and grabbed a nice axe.
>Jim (nice axe): Hi there, Tenchi! Say, you wouldn't be planning on using lil' ol' me to
"slice and dice" one of your friends, now, would you? That's REALLY not a nice thing to
do, ya' know.
"Ooooohhhh Washu!! It's time for lunch!" Tenchi yelled out.
>Jerrod: You just had breakfast! Pace yourself, man!
"Tenchi! What was that noise??!" Washu yelled, not sure of where Tenchi was.
>Jerrod(Tenchi): Which one? The Yagami going nova or me mutillating Ayeka like a
heffer in a slaghterhouse? OOPS! Uh... forget that last part!
Tenchi ran back inside and hid in the kitchen behind the wall, waiting for Washu to run
in once she saw Ayeka's corpse.
>Jim (Sonic the Hedgehog): I'm wa-aaaaaiiiiiiiiii-tiiiiiing!
"OH MY GOD!!" Washu screamed
>Jerrod (Washu as Ricky Ricardo): Ten-chiiiiiiii! You've got some explaining to doooo!
>Jim (Tenchi as Lucy): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
as she saw Ayeka laying on the floor, with what looked like a gaping hole in her chest.
>Jerrod: Correction! It IS a gaping hole in her chest!
>Jim (pleadingly): WHY, GOD?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!
(Jerrod lets out an exasperated sigh.)
"AYEKA!!" Washu screamed as she ran into the kitchen.
>Jerrod (Washu): You still owe me five bucks!
(Jim backhands Jerrod again.)
*WHACK*
>Ow! Quit that!
>Jim: Then YOU quit bashing my Ayeka!!
"OH S**T!!!!!!" Washu wailed as Tenchi stepped out from behind the corner, swinging
the axe at full speed.
>Jim: The "Axeman" Cometh!
The axe hit her squarely in her chest,
>Jerrod & Jim (wincing): Ooooooh!!
imbedding the blade deep in her body. Blood poured from her chest as she lay limp,
suspended only by the axe.
>Jerrod (singing): Bum-bum-bum! Another one bites the dust! Aaaaand another one
gone, and another one gone! Another bites the dust!
>Jim: Okay, now THAT is bad!
Tenchi let her fall to the ground, then he stepped on her stomach and pulled the axe out
her chest.
>Jim (Mr. Miyagi): Axe on, axe off!
(Jerrod beans Jim with the bottle of A-1.)
*BONK*
>(holding head)Owwww!
>Jerrod: I consider THAT to be PAYBACK!
"Let's eat!" chimed Tenchi.
>Jerrod & Jim: Let's not and say we did!
Tenchi then grabbed the butchers knife, covered in Ayeka's blood, and started to cut out
Washu's quadracep.
>Jerrod: Choppy choppy!
>Jim: You're sick.
>Jerrod: I know! ^_^
He viciously ate her muscle.
>Jim: GROSS!!!
>Jerrod: SICK!
"Yum!!" said Tenchi.
>Jim: "Yum"? You eat a girl's arm and all you can say is "YUM"?!
>Jerrod (smirks at Jim): Would you prefer, "It's Finger Lickin' Good"?
>Jim: Eeeeeeeew! Never mind! >_<
Finally Tenchi wasn't hungry anymore.
>Jim: 'Bout time.
He decided to cut out Washu's brain and put it in the freezer for later.
"Now this is true food for the brain!"
>Jerrod & Jim (throwing garbage at the screen): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HISSSSSS!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
exclaimed Tenchi as he slammed the axe into her little skull, shattering her bones.
>Jim (Tenchi): Hey! There's nothin' here!
(A two ton Tanooki statue falls from the sky and lands on Jim.)
*WHAM*
>Jerrod: Um... MEDIC!!
(The statue mysteriously vanishes, leaving only a small crater, a crushed theater seat, and
a penguin flapjack.)
>Jerrod (looking into the hole): Jim? You still alive?
>Jim (weakly): ...Washu?
>Jerrod: Yep.
>Jim (weakly): I... am GOING... to KILL... that LITTLE whore!!
Tenchi pulled out her mangled brain, and put it in a bowl, and stuck it into the freezer.
>Jerrod: And gave it "brain-freeze".
>Jim (struggling out of hole): No... more... puns. Ugh. (collapses when he escapes the
hole.) *whump*
________________________________________________________________ ________
>Jerrod (Frankenstein): It's A LINE! A LINE!!
>Jim (on ground): That's it... (bites Jerrod's shin) *CHOMP*
>Jerrod (jumping thirty feet into the air): YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!
(Jerrod lands back in his seat and quickly removes Jim from his leg. he brings Jim up to eye level.)
>BAD penguin! BAD!
(Jerrod du,mps Jim back in the hole.)
*WHUMP*
>Jim: Ow!
Ryoko approached Tenchi's house, having to cut her trip short because she spent the money too fast.
>Jerrod (a grumbling Ryoko): Five bucks! How's that tightwad expect me to live on five
bucks, anyhow!
"What the hell happend here!!"
>Jerrod: Hey, genius! You use a QUESTION mark when asking a question!
yelled Ryoko when she saw the flaming wreckage from the Yagami.
>Jim (crawling out of hole): There having a f**king kegger. TAKE A GUESS!!
Tenchi was walking towards the front door,
Jerrod & Jim: UH-OH!
>Jim: She's dead.
>Jerrod: He's dead.
just then, the personality devices effects wore off on him.
>Jerrod: Oh, for cryin' out loud! It's "OF him", brainiac! Two words, pal: summer school!
>Jim: So, he's back to normal by the time RYOKO returns, eh? (Church Lady) How
conveeeeeeeeeeeeeenient.
"Wha... where am I??" Tenchi mumbled.
>Jerrod: Tenchi, my boy, YOU have just commited a crime HENIOUS enough to get you the death penalty in EVERY country worldwide!
>Jim: And France, too!
Ryoko then burst into the front door.
>Jim: Ouch! That had to hurt.
>Jerrod: It's "burst THROUGH", George "Dubya"!
>Jim: OOH! That's hittin' below the belt!
"Tenchi! Whats going on here!!" said a very concerned Ryoko.
"Umm, I have no idea...
>Jerrod: You will when you look in the kitchen.
*BURP* Tenchi said.
>Jim: WHOA! Smells like teen spirit!
________________________________________________________________ ________
>Jerrod: The line's back.
THE VERY F**KED UP END
>Jim (cynically): No s**t.
All I have to say is...
>Jerrod (Triple-A): I made poopy.
>Jim (ditto): My d**k is smaller than a pencil stub.
HAHAHAHAHA, im hungry...
(Jerrod & Jim facefault.)
*WHUMP*
you can email me at:
viperz00@winfire.com
>Jerrod & Jim: LYNCH MOB!!!
(Jerrod and Jim high tail it out of the theater.)
===============================================================< /div>
[the bridge]
(Bulma is treating Jim for "shell shock" while Jerrod holds Trunks. Mr. Silverfish is
nowhere in sight, and King Matt is looking on via the main viewsceen.)
>Jim (being consoled by Bulma): HE TOOK OUT HER HEART! HE TOOK OUT HER
HEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAART!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
>Bulma ("mothering" Jim): There, there Jim. It all over now. It'll be okay.
>Jerrod: Yeah, bro. The real Ayeka is just fine. You know that.
>Jim: *sniff* *sniff* I... I know that. B-But... he cut OUT her HEART! WAAAAAAAA!!!
>King Matt: James, listen to me. I guarantee you, and this is from another royal, that the
REAL Princess Ayeka that you love so dear would have to be honored and moved at the
courage you showed in that theater, and how you constantly defended her honor.
>Jim: *snif* Really.
>Jerrod: Hell yes, bro! When I made that little comment toward her, you kicked my *ss!
>Jim: Which one?
>Jerrod: My Hannibal impression.
>Jim (nods): Oh, yeah.
>Bulma (setting Jim down): Well, it's getting late. You gonna be all right, Jim?
>Jim (wiping tears away): Yeah. I'm cool.
>Bulma: Great! (takes Trunks from Jerrod) Your auto-pilot is installed and everything,
Jerrod.
>Jerrod: Thanks for all your help, Bulma.
>Bulma: It was nothing. I would like to thank Mr. Silverfish for watching Trunks,
though. Where is he.
>Jim: He could be anywhere by now. But I'll make sure to deliver your thanks.
>Bulma: Well, alright then. Bye!
(Trunks waves bye, too.)
>Jerrod & Jim: See ya'!
>King Matt: The check is in the mail! King Matt, out. (hangs up) *CLICK*
(Bulma and Trunks board their mini-sub and leave the Antarctica. Jerrod and watch them
leave from a nearby porthole.)
>Jerrod: Nice lady.
>Jim: Yeah. But I wonder where Mr. Silverfish went?
===============================================================< /div>
[on the mini-sub...]
>Bulma: Well, we had a great time. Right Trunks?
(Trunks coos in agreement.)
>Bulma: Hmm... where DID that Mr. Silverfish go off to, anyway?
===============================================================< /div>
[Trunk's stomach]
(A tired and tatered Mr. Silverfish sits on a Life-Saver.)
>Mr. Silverfsh: How do I get ma' self inta' these things?
(Mr. Silverfish looks at Life-Saver, then at a passing one-quarter of a Big Mac.
>Mr. Silverfish: AND WHO THE HELL'S BEEN FEEDIN' THIS KID?!!!!!
===============================================================< /div>
[the bridge of the MST Antarctica]
>Jerrod (sitting in captains chair): Oh, he'll turn up sooner-or-later.
>Jim: Yeah, I guess your right. Hey! Up for some bumper-pool?
>Jerrod: You're on!
(Jerrod activates the auto-pilot and leaves the two leave the bridge.)
>Jim (O.S.): I go first!
>Jerrod (O.S.): You do not!
>Jim (O.S.): Do too!
>Jerrod (O.S.): Do not!
>Jerrod (O.S.): Do too!
===============================================================< /div>
[Castle Montague (King Matt's house)]
(King Matt settles into throne.)
>King Matt: Ahhhhhhhhhh! What an interesting day this this was.
(Notices a pile of envelopes next to the throne.)
>Hello, what is this. (picks one up) Oh! This is fan mail for our first MST! Wow! Let's see...
(Opens it.)
>Ah! Here we go! It says...
HA! Vey funny! I gotta admit, the story MSTed was scary, plot and grammar
wise. Keep up the good work! - Ashura Hedgehog (signed review)
>Well, thank you VERY much, Ashura! I'll make sure that Outlaw gets this.
(Picks up another envelope and opens it.)
>Now, this one says...
YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! You sure shown the author not to write
such a stupid story!! Ha ha!! Good job, Jim, for the way you acted with Ayeka.
Poor you. Jerrodo was just....weird...oh well ^^! Write some more!!! (It's nice to
find somebody who has guts to write stuff like this) And I totally agree with
you. Why does everybody have a problem with Sakuya? And the killing Sakuya
thang in this story was already done. - Aqua Marine (Sammy)
>How sweet of you. Well, that's it for this installment of "MST Atarctica" Ciao!
(Picks up remote and turns off camera.)
*CLICK*
END
===============================================================< /div>
Author's notes: Finally! Sorry it was so long. I just had so much stuff that I wanted to put
this, my second MST. Special Thanks to my sister, Jami, for proofreading this for me.
And I'd also like to thank Ashura Hedgehog, Aqua Marine, Rune, and Pouncing Fossa for
their support. I promise to try and make you guys proud. Until next time!
Adios, dudes!
Stinger---
"Mmmmm, I can tell you will be very delicious!" Tenchi said to Sasami's corpse.
#-The MST Antarctica will return in... "MST Antarctica: Jim's Reckoning"-#