The Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Holiday ❯ The Holiday ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Disclaimer:

I am aware that I am writing this fanfic without the permission of Nintendo, and do not claim anything from the Legend of Zelda series, be it names, characters (Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, Rauru) or places to be my own,

Okay, so this is a re-write of a piece I wrote years ago. I know it’s old, but I went back to Lefkas for a holiday this year and the place just reminded me of it; and I’m glad, as it reminded me that writing for pleasure can actually be quite fun. Added to which, Ocarina of Time is, to my mind, the best of the Zelda series. Take it or leave it. Enjoy.

Summary
Link has decided it is not easy being a Hero, particularly when a villain like Ganondorf threatens Hyrule. Ganondorf, on the other hand, feels it is not exactly easy being a King of Evil when there exists Link, whose sole aim in life is to foil his plans. Zelda, finally, reckons that, as the hostage, she is the worst off. Which of the three is right – if indeed any – is not for me to say: Rather, I present to you the story of what happened when, instead of bickering it out between themselves, the three decide to take action. They need a holiday. Only after resorting to an all out strike will Rauru listen to them. Where better to kick back, relax and enjoy the sun than a lovely little Greek island?

Link marched up the stairs at toward the top of Ganon's Tower. The door slammed shut behind him. He glanced around, taking in the surroundings. Windows of stained glass surrounded him. The floor was tiled, over which a deep red carpet provided a rich mass of colour. Great statues loomed in each corner. A majestic pipe organ towered to the ceiling opposite.
Ganondorf was playing the organ, and took little notice of Link. Above them was Zelda, imprisoned in a pink crystal prism, the look of worry etched across her face. She relaxed slightly when Link entered the room. Still Ganondorf ignored them both.

Link: Ahem…

Ganondorf: *Stopped playing the organ* Get lost kid, I'm in a bad mood. A very bad mood. So just go. Away. *Continued playing the organ.*

Link: Eh? But…

Ganondorf: Whatever it is, the answers NO. I'm tired, fed up and I need a holiday. So just go. Away.

Link: *Stepped forward* Hang on, just because you're in a bad mood, doesn't mean to say that I'm just going to-

Ganondorf: GET OUT!

The walls of the room shook and parts of the ceiling crumbled.

Link: I’ll stop by another time.

He slowly backed away and headed back down the stairs - a tactical retreat, as he called it. He was about half way down before he gradually slowed down came to a halt, looking deep in thought.

After a short while, he headed back up toward the top of the tower. Once again the door slammed shut behind. Ganondorf was still playing the organ, though it wasn’t his usual theme tune. It was far more intense. Far more severe. Not unlike Widor’s Finale from Symphony No. 8. If you’ve never heard it, then first of all shame on you. And secondly, Google it.           NB Make sure you get Finale from Symphony No. 8. Widor’s most famous symphony (No.5) is often used for weddings, and No.2 is very quiet and gentle. No.6 is all happy happy. Neither would have the same effect. Simply type ‘Finale Symphony no 8 Charles Marie Widor’ into YouTube.

Link: Y'know, you’re right.

Ganondorf stopped playing the organ, spun round and gave Link a vicious glare.

Ganondorf: Look, I thought I told you to…what? Oh, yes I know I’m right. I know
when I need a break.

Link: Me too. Me too. It's not easy being a hero.

Zelda: What!? Link what are you talking about? In case you've forgotten already, you slept for a whole seven years, which, might I add, is almost half your life.

Link: And your point is?

Zelda: My point is, how can you be tired already? I on the other hand, have spent most of my life avoiding him.

She pointed at Ganondorf, who rolled his eyes dismissively.

Zelda: That's not easy. He can get practically anywhere. I had to dress up as a boy for goodness sake!

Ganondorf: Well it’s not exactly easy being a King of Evil either with someone like him around that keeps killing everything. So then I create it all again. Then guess what? He goes and KILLS it all again!

Link: Well otherwise it'll kill me!

Ganondorf: That is no concern of mine. And for the record, Princess, I am willing to bet you have never done a days work in your entire life.

Link: Listen you, don't push it…

He waved his fist threateningly. Who the hell was Ganondorf to complain!? After all, everything was his fault! What Link didn't think, of course, was that waving his fist would only infuriate the Gerudo King further. He soon realised, however, as his torso met with Ganondorf's fist and he flew back into the wall.

Link: Unngh….

Zelda: Ganondorf that was awful of you! You’d better feel bad about it.

Ganondorf: Guilt is not an emotion that I feel.

Zelda looked across at Link, who was slumped on the floor, severely winded after being punched so hard in the ribs. She then glared at Ganondorf and folded her arms crossly.

Zelda: Well you should feel bad! Indeed you will feel bad
Ganondorf: No, I really won’t.

Zelda: Well that’s you just being obnoxious .

Ganondorf: Stop talking.

Zelda: Well you still should. Anyway, Link, as I was saying. How can you be tired after sleeping seven years?

Link hauled himself to his feet.

Link: … Because it's hard. Being the Hero. Running around, helping others, doing errands, fighting monsters, you name it, I done it. Gets pretty dangerous at times, and do I get paid decent? NO. Only what you manage to pick up usually. And you just have to keep going, and fight in order to stay alive, and often…you get HURT.

He scowled at Ganondorf, who quite frankly couldn't care less.

Link: And another thing, you know what's really annoying? I mean totally
infuriating? I go around, doing all that, and saving the world, and do I get even a scrap of recognition or thanks for it? NO.

Zelda: *Scowled at Ganondorf* Oh great, you’ve set him off now…

Link: In fact, some people are really rude and not pleasant to me at all, regardless of the fact I've just saved their whole damn world! Well I'm sorry but I've had enough. No more `Mr Save The World And Nobody Notices' today. No sir.

Zelda: Link that's preposterous, you can't just stop being the Hero Of Time just like that.

Link: Oh believe me I can. In fact - watch me.

He sat down and crossed his arms.

Link: Hrmph.

Zelda: What!? What are you doing!?

Link: Staging a sit-in.

Ganondorf: Not in here you’re not.

Link: Well fine, but either way, I'm on STRIKE!

Ganondorf: AS AM I!

Zelda: But you can’t – and Ganondorf you – oh whatever I guess I might as well jump on the band wagon. We're ALL on strike.

Suddenly the room was filed with a bright blue light. Warm air brushed past their faces and everything turned a bright white. A few seconds later the world merged back into vision. All three of them were in the Chamber of Sages. They were in the centre and Rauru stood facing them on his plinth.

Rauru: What is going on? What are you all doing?

Link: *Waved a fist in the air* STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

Rauru: What!?

Ganondorf: You heard the kid, old fat one. We're on strike.

Rauru: What? That’s ridiculous. Zelda, I would have expected better from you.

Zelda: Well I did think better, but then thought - if you can’t beat them, join them.

Rauru: But – why?

Zelda, Link and Ganondorf: WE'RE TIRED, FED UP AND NEED A HOLIDAY.


* * *
They then went on to explain all that what’s and why’s, but you don't need it all explaining again now do you.( If you do, then simply scroll up and read it all again.)
* * *


Rauru: So how am I supposed to keep you happy, Link and Zelda?

Ganondorf: Excuse me?

Rauru: Ganondorf, I would go out of my way to make your life a misery, given the
chance.

Ganondorf: Ah, I see…

Rauru: So Link and Zelda, what can I do for you?

Link: HOLIDAY, HOLIDAY HOLID…

Ganondorf. Will you shut up with that stupid voice already.

Zelda: A holiday would be nice.

Rauru: Where to?

Link: FAR AWAY,   FAR AWAY,   FA -

*WHADUMPH*

Ganondorf: I did warn you.

Link: *Coughed* Sorry…

Zelda: Far away would be nice.

The Gerudo smiled an evil smile and slowly rubbed his hands together.

Ganondorf: Yes, send them far FAR away. Make my life so much easier without
those two anywhere near to mess things up. Mwahahahaha…MWAHAHAHA

Rauru: On second thoughts, perhaps you would like to go too.

Ganondorf: Why I thought you’d never ask.

Rauru: Yes well. That wasn’t asking, that was blackmail.

Ganondorf: *Shrugged* Either way.

Rauru: Anyway. First, you'll all need to pack. You have one hour before you go.

Zelda: Only an hour? I best get going if I'm going to be ready by then.

Ganondorf: *Mumbled* So what am I supposed to do for the other fifty five minutes?

Link: But…I always carry all my stuff with me. What am a supposed to do for the
whole hour?

* * *    * * *  One hour later  * * *    * * *

Link, Ganondorf and Rauru stood waiting for Zelda.

Link: How long does she have to take? I think we should go without her. Teach her not to be late.

Rauru: Now Link, this is her holiday too.

Link: But we're not going to get there any time soon at this rate…

Rauru: I'm sure she'll be here. Probably just making sure she looks beautiful before
she arrives.

Ganondorf: Well in that case we're in for a long wait.

They waited. And waited. And just for a change, they waited some more. Link sat on the floor, using an arrow-head to draw patterns in the dust. Which was all very well, apart from there was no dust in the Chamber of Sages. Ganondorf had also sat down and was playing fives (an ancient game involving five small cubes, which are thrown in the air then caught on the back of the hand. At first one is to be caught, and then thrown back in the air. Whilst it is in the air, the player then has to pick up the other cubes from the floor one at a time and then catch the one thrown. The player keeps going, then after all cubes are collected, has to catch two on the back of its hand, and throw these two up and catch them both as well as scooping up the others. Then catch three, then four and then five. Surprisingly entertaining when you have nothing to do.) Only he had no cubes. Ordinarily he would have used stones instead. But there weren’t any stones here either, so he too was using his imagination. Which made him smile, because, in his head, he was actually quite good at it.
Eventually, after waiting over another hour, Zelda arrived, followed by three servants, all heavily laden with luggage.

Zelda: Ok, I'm ready.

Link: And about time! You should have been here ages ago.

He didn't look pleased.

Zelda: Oh, er sorry but, er…my clock stopped and I didn't realise, and then I thought it was a different time than what it was ,so I didn't set off because I didn't think you'd be ready, as I thought I'd only taken half an hour. If that makes sense. Which it should because it isn’t difficult.

Link said nothing, but folded his arms and gave her a long, drawn out stare. Ganondorf was still playing imaginary fives.

Link: You know I thought up a poem whilst you were packing. It goes something like this:


There was a young lady called Jane;
Who liked putting me through pain;
Not by biting of hitting;
Or kicking or spitting; But by making be wait but in vain.


For hours and hours we would wait;
Knowing full well she’d be late;
With not a thing to do;It’s worse than a queue;
Hoping the hours pass at a rate.


Now stop with that intent look;
You know what I am no crook;
So I said the wrong name;
And I called you Jane;
But nothing rhymes with Zelda!


Rauru: Now Link, there is no need for that.

Ganondorf: I thought it was pretty good, actually.

Zelda: But anyway I'm hear now. *Folded her arms* And besides, I shouldn’t be rushed when packing. I may forget something and then I'd have to go all the way back to get it.

Link: No, you'd have to do without it.

Ganondorf: *Looked at all the cases Zelda had with her* Somebody doesn't travel light.

Zelda: Yes I know, but I'm sure you'll both help me carry my belongings…

Ganondorf: You keep telling yourself that.

Zelda: But I can't carry them all by myself.

Ganondorf: I am aware of that.

Rauru: Oh enough. Zelda, take what you can. Link and Ganondorf, both be gentlemen
and take her cases.

A vortex then appeared in front of them. Through it they could see a different realm. The sun shone, unhindered by a single cloud, in a perfect blue sky. Before them lay a forest of trees, within which clearing covered by withered grass. They could feel the heat emanate through the vortex. It looked as though it had not rained for some time. (Or to Ganondorf, it looked as though it had rained fairly recently -say, three months ago.)

Link: Where's that?

Rauru: Somewhere far, far away.

Link: Right. That'll do me.

He was about to jump through when he remembered to grab some of Zelda's luggage. He snatched two cases and jumped into the vortex. He was then followed by
Ganondorf, who made a point not to take any of Zelda's luggage. The two of them stepped out into the land.

Rauru: GANONDORF GET BACK HERE AND HELP ZELDA!

Ganondorf: And if I don't…?

Rauru: You had better do if you don't want Ruto and myself joining you on your holidays.

Ganondorf needed no time to think about this. He was back through the vortex so fast he almost left his shadow behind. Once there, he watched Zelda as she struggled to lift one case. He sighed discontentedly, and then picked up a case and threw it through the vortex.

At the other side, Link stood and waited, and was almost hit by the flying case just before it landed. He could hear voices from the vortex.

Ganondorf: *Still wasn't pleased* There. Happy now?

Rauru: Hey, back here Mr, more than one case or else. You know the consequences if you don't…

The Gerudo picked up another case and chucked it through, once again narrowly missing throwing it on Link

Ganondorf: There.

Rauru: And the rest.

Ganondorf: Link only took two.

Rauru: But Link took them first time and you didn't. And I did say I would make your life a misery.

The Gerudo was by now getting little, or rather, completely fed up, with Rauru.
Ganondorf: OK FINE! Have it your freggin way…

He walked over to Zelda, (who was moving very slowly and dragging yet another full case behind her) picked her up, along with the rest of her cases, and threw them all through the vortex at once.

Link, on the other hand, happened to be stood directly in their flight path, and ended up completely submerged in suitcases. And then Zelda landed on-top of the pile. As
the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Link: I'm not having much luck today…

He pushed the suitcases to one side and Zelda helped him to his feet. Ganondorf stepped through the vortex and they all watched as it closed behind him.



*** *** *** Day 1 *** *** ***



Ganondorf: *Had now completely calmed down.* Well, that's that sorted. Where the hell are we?

Link and Zelda both shrugged. They had absolutely no idea, as it looked different to any place they had ever seen. They were stood on a narrow dust-track on a steep mountain trail. Below them they could see a few small houses, some of them were very old, others a little run-down and a few had collapsed completely. Further on from that, they could see the sea, and then another land very close by. Above them was a mixture of steep rock and gravel, withered grassland, olive trees and the occasional pine. The sun beamed down, and the temperature was steadily rising.

Link: Oh, well that was nice of him, just leaving us in the middle of nowhere…

Link's pocket then shook and began to glow. He looked down and pulled out a pirate's charm stone.

Link: *Looking slightly bewildered* O…K, I didn't pack that. Have these even been invented yet?

Rauru: That is correct, I packed it for you so we can stay in touch.

Ganondorf: You what!?

Rauru: And yes, the King made it only days ago. I sense your not completely happy
with where you are. What's missing?

Link: Well, a house. To stay in.

Soon after he said this, a small house materialised in the trees near to where they stood. There were three rooms - two small bedrooms and a sitting room. Enough space for two people to stay in comfortably.

Ganondorf. He really doesn't like me.

Link: But you don't like him.
Ganondorf: This is true.

Rauru: I did say I would make your life a misery.

Ganondorf: Also true. But…hey look at this.

A centipede crawled out along the path in front of him. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of these beasts, but they are quite possibly one of the scariest creatures known to man. Because when I say centipede, I don’t mean one of those tiny little critters you find in your garden. Ohhh no. I mean one of those mutant beasts found in parts of the Mediterranean. Some type of Scolopendra. Russet-orange in colour, about 20cm long, with a body about 2cm wide, and each of the 100 legs being about 5cm long. Add to this a sizeable pair of pincers, and what you find is something not unlike an elongated orange spider (which is bad enough), only bigger and faster and scarier in every possible way. If you have seen one, I’m sure you’ll agree. And if you haven’t seen one, then think yourself damned lucky.

Ganondorf: *Picked up the centipede.* I wonder if anyone would notice if I put this down their back?

Link: Don't even think about it…

Ganondorf: *Completely ignored Link* I'd love to see their face. But who? Rauru has been getting up my back lately. Well perhaps this should go down his back... He glared at the pirate's charm stone and smiled evilly

Link: You wouldn’t.

Ganondorf: Yes I would.

The house then disappeared, and then a much bigger residence appeared in it's place. Big enough to fit five people in at least.

Ganondorf: And the rest, old man…

The grass around the house turned soft and lush. Paving stones replaced the stony path leading to the front door. A large table appeared by the back door, and then a great sun umbrella. The ground then began to shake and a swimming pool appeared in a sheltered spot behind the house. (A properly posh one, with a waterfall and everything). Surrounding the pool was white stone, then soft green grass and some trees for shade.

Link: Not bad. Not bad at all.

Zelda: Ganondorf stop messing about with that…

Ganondorf turned to Zelda and showed her what he was holding, thus `allowing her to take a closer look'.
Zelda: EEK GET IT AWAY FROM ME! LINK! DO SOMETHING! MAKE HIM STOP MAKE HIM STOP MAKE HIM STOP AAAAAAAAARGH GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEE! AAAAAARGH!

Zelda ran into the house, locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out. Link and Ganondorf both laughed, but stopped as soon as they could, to try and avoid upsetting Zelda. But her face was, as they say, a picture.
* * * Some time later * * *

Link hammered on the bathroom door again.

Link: Zelda, you can come out now he's put it down.

Zelda: What!? That means it could be anywhere!

Link: If you see it again I'll get rid of it for you.

Zelda: Promise?

Link: I promise.

Zelda: What if he picks it up again?

Link: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. It almost bit him so…

Ganondorf. So I'll be more careful next time. Are you going to come out yet?

Zelda: Not if you're going to do that again.

Ganondorf: Didn't realise you were so squeamish about such things.

Link: She's arachnophobic.

Zelda: Oh great. Thanks for telling him. Now he knows what I'm scared of so he's just
going to rub it in and scare me with them whenever he can now.

Ganondorf: What could possibly make you think that?

Zelda: *Scowled* Instinct.

Link: Oh stop being so paranoid and come out. It's just an insect after all. A little insect.

Zelda: Little? LITTLE!? That thing was NOT little!

Ganondorf: And technically it’s arthropod.

Link: It’s the same thing. And either way she’s way over-reacting!

Zelda still refused to come out. Link tried and tried to convince her that it was safe,
but would she listen? Well, yes, but not take any notice. She kept saying they were winding her up, or that it would have come back without them noticing, or something along those lines.

Ganondorf even apologised to her and promised not to do it again and told her he was off to carry her bags in for her on condition she came out. Still, she didn't trust him - no surprises there then right - so Ganondorf carried them all outside again, and left them further away from where they were in the first place, simply to make a point. They were ready to give up.

Ganondorf: Fine let her stay in there. She'll have to come out eventually.

Link: Damn right she does. *He turned door and crossed his legs.* Some of us need to use the bathroom. NOW!

* * * Later that evening. * * *

All three of them had settled in nicely. Each had their own bedroom. The room Link had chosen was a traditional style room. It was fairly plain, with a wooden floor and a beam in the centre to support the ceiling. On this beam hung various household items such as old keys, plates and a horseshoe. There was a window on one wall, with long fine curtains. On two of the walls there were simple wall hangings to liven up the plain surface. It had a very authentic Greek feel to it. Zelda on the other hand, had chosen the room with the large mirror and huge wardrobe, for obvious reasons. This left Ganondorf with the room downstairs. It was spacious, and unusually, was carved into the rock, so was dark and cool. It had plenty of floor space and a large bed, and was full of character. The down side? A low ceiling.

They were all sat on the patio watching the sun go down.

Link: What’s that noise?

Ganondorf: Crickets.

Link: How do you know that?

Ganondorf: Because you get them in the desert. Well, around the periphery anyway.
The middle of the desert is a bit hot for crickets. Or life in general.

Link: Do they stop at night?

Ganondorf: Nope.

Link: Then how are you meant to sleep?

Ganondorf: *Shrugged* Guess you just get used to them. Kind of tune it out.  


Zelda: I wonder what's going on in Hyrule right now?

Link: I wonder.

Ganondorf: I don't know. And I don't care.

Zelda: You don't care about much do you.

Ganondorf: Well I do care about…no I don't actually now I come to think about it.
Not much at all.

Zelda: Do you not care about the world? About people in it? Yourself? Your influence on others?

Ganondorf: Some of it. Some of them. Sometimes. And no.

Zelda: You don't care about your influence on others, even though it could be a bad influence, or in your case, would be a bad influence?

Ganondorf: No.

Zelda: Not even on children?

Ganondorf: No.

Zelda: Well that's not very nice.

Ganondorf: I don't care.

Zelda: Well he should, shouldn't he Link?

Link: Well maybe if he wasn't King of Evil. A King of Evil who's all loving and caring doesn’t exactly add up. And Ganondorf, what are you doing?

Ganondorf: Five's.

Link: Oh.



*** *** *** Day 2 *** *** ***



Zelda: Link wake up

Link: Ungh…
He rolled over trying to look sound asleep, but failed to do so as he rolled off the side of the bed and landed on the floor.

Link: Oof! Naaaaarg. Fine I'm up.


Zelda: Hahaha you fell out of bed.

Link: *Stood up gradually* Yes. So it would seem. And what's the rush to get up so
early anyway?

Zelda: It's not early. It's 7:30 in the morning!

Link: That’s early. Especially when you’re on holiday. I mean, since when does this time actually exists on holiday? Or ever, for that matter…

They both went out and sat in the sun. Zelda got out her book and sat reading it, but with one eye constantly on the look out for centipedes. Link on the other hand, found a shady spot and a towel, laid it out flat and then lay down and went back to sleep. It was early afternoon when he woke up again. By this time, Ganondorf was also up. Or at least had moved out of bed and outdoors, where he lay basking in the sun. Zelda was sat under a tree making daisy chains.

Zelda: Link, I made you a present to wear.

Link: Huh? What?

Zelda: *Held out the daisy chain* Present for you.

Link: Oh. A daisy chain. Well, thanks but I don't think I'd suit it to be honest.

Zelda: Oh but you'd look so pretty. Please Linky.

Ganondorf: Ahahaha, Linky

Zelda: I made one for you too. You'll both wear them. Linky and…er…Ganny.
Link: AHAHAHA GANNY

Ganondorf: NO.

Link: Zelda, I know you may find this difficult to understand, so let me put it plainly and simply. We do not wear daisy chains. End of.

* * * Later, by the pool * * *

Link: Wow. It's pretty hot here, don't you think?

Zelda: I know, I'm roasted.

Ganondorf: It's not hot. Nice and warm, but not hot.

Link: Yes well you come from a desert, you're used to the heat.

Zelda: I'm too hot.

She wafted herself vigorously with one of the many fans she had packed

Ganondorf: Well I know how to sort that out.

Link and Zelda: You do?

Ganondorf then got to his feet, picked up Zelda in one arm, and Link in the other. He wandered over to the pool side, and threw them both into the centre of the water.

Zelda: EEK! It's cold.

Link: Ah, its cold.

Link and Zelda both splashed around in the pool, which was clean and clear and cool. Ganondorf, on the other hand, returned to basking in the sun. The idea of going outside into the sun and not nearly dying from the heat was quite novel to him, and he had to admit, he liked it.
In the pool Zelda complained that her clothes would take ages to dry, but then decided it didn't matter too much as she had plenty spare. Link pulled on his Zora Tunic and spent most of the time at the bottom of the pool. After a while of swimming and diving, playing and relaxing, they she and Link went and sat on the step under the waterfall, and let the water wash over their heads and down their backs. Ganondorf still lay in the sun, half asleep. Much time passed by the time the two climbed out of the pool. Zelda went inside to dry and change her clothes. Link crept quietly up to the sleeping Gerudo, removed his soaked tunic and rung it out, raining water onto
Ganondorf's face.

Ganondorf: *Without moving or opening an eye* Bugger off.

Link: You're welcome. *Rung out more water from his tunic*

Ganondorf: You know, usually I'd probably go and throw you in the pool again, or over a cliff or something. But right now I can't be bothered to move.



*** *** *** Day 3 *** *** ***



It was mid morning.

Zelda: I want some breakfast. We forgot about that yesterday. And lunch. And dinner,
we didn't eat at all yesterday. How could we forget to eat?

Link: I didn't forget to eat. I just didn't eat, because we haven't any food. Believe me I don't forget food.

Zelda: Well what will we do for food? Where can we buy any?

They managed to find the pirate's charm stone and called Rauru.

Rauru: What?

Link: Quick question. Where do we get food?

Rauru: There's a market not far down the road, I'm sure you'll find food there. Oh, and
here, you'll need this.

He threw a bag filled with money.

Link: What's this?

Rauru: Their currency. They don't accept rupees where you're staying. I gave you a bit extra so you can hire some horses. There's a place a little further up the mountain.
*Looked over toward Ganondorf.* See, now are you glad I packed it to stay in touch?

Ganondorf: No.

Rauru: Well you should be! *Disappeared*

Link: Right so I'm guessing we need the horses for transport. Well I'm hungry so lets
go. Ganondorf, you joining us?

They all set off along the road. And by ‘road’ I mean dust track.

Link: Soooo. This horse place is further up the mountain.

Zelda: Well that narrows it down. This whole place seems to be one big mountain.

Ganondorf: *Leapt into the air and hovered for a brief moment, then lowered
gradually* It's a bit further up this road, and then take a left and keep going for a bit
more.

Link: Show-off…

* * * Some time late r* * *

They came to a place where a group of horses were tethered to trees. They were small horses, or ponies to be correct. Specifically, they were Icelandic ponies. What Icelandic Ponies were doing on a Greek island is anyone’s guess. There seemed to be nobody around to ask about them, so Link wandered up to one of ponies and patted it on the neck. At that moment, a funny looking young man with dark hair and a long beard, wearing old clothes and a straw hat appeared. He dashed over to Link and spoke very quickly. (I must apologise, my Greek is not what you could call fluent, and I’ve also had to translate the letters into English writing, so mistakes are inevitable. I do try my best!)

Farmer: I blepo eseis blepe-be endieferomenos mesa aftoi dikos-mou alogos gia enoikiazo. Eseis brisko kalo aftous, malista? Pos polloi eseis chreiazomai? O opoios panta eteis anagki. Arthro timi? Arthro kallistos opoiosdipote mporo brisko. Yposchesi!

Link: Eh?

Farmer: I blepo eseis peripou apo dikos-mou prostimo alogos. Aftoi echo poly kala troposs. Dino eseis poly logikos timi. Pouthena boulisi eseis brisko a beltiono douleai.

Link: Oh great, we don't speak the language.

Zelda: What? We speak seven different languages and Rauru chooses to send us somewhere we can’t communicate with people!

Link: I’m sure he had his reasons.

Ganondorf: *Walked up to the farmer.* We'll take two horses.

The farmer continued to untie all of the horses and lead them over to Link and
Ganondorf. Zelda stood patting the white horse.

Ganondorf: No, two. Two. Not all eight of them! Two. Deux? Zwei? Dos?
(The word he was looking for was ‘duo’)

Link: Douze?

Ganondorf: That means twelve you idiot!

Link: Oh yeah.

Ganondorf: *Held out two fingers.* Two.

Farmer: Brachos Efima Psalidi! Eseis kerdizo, eseis mporo echo aftous gia eleytheros. An eseis chano, eseis plirono perissotero chrimata na ego o idios. Megalos idea. Proparaskeyazo gia katabillo!

He then held out a fist for the rock, and bashed Ganondorf's fingers as the `rock crushes the scissors'.

Link: Oh no, he thought we were playing Rock Paper Scissors…

Ganondorf: What the!? He…hit me…*Raised a fist in response*

Link placed his hand on Ganondorf's fist as he drew it back

Link: Now let's not hit back.

The Gerudo dropped his fist to his side and scowled

Ganondorf: Grrr. You're lucky I'm on holiday…

Link then took two of the ponies and gave the man some money.

Zelda: I want the white one.

Link: Ok fine.

He swapped the brown pony for the white – or technically - grey one

Link: Ganondorf, why only two. Aren't you having one?

Ganondorf stood next to the pony, which stood at about 14hh and looked down at it.  
For those non-horsey readers, one hand high –hh- is about 10cm. So basically, there he was looking down at a horse which was about 140cm at the top of it's back, when he was used to his horse which stood at nearer 2 metres tall.

Ganondorf: Could be a little small. Rauru! My horse!

A vortex appeared in the sky, and his horse thundered toward the earth, letting out a shrill call. The farmer was terrified. He looked at Ganondorf, dressed in black, and then up to the black horse which landed and stood proud, snorting and stamping it's hoof. The Gerudo mounted up, and the stallion began to prance round in circles. Ganondorf held him back, which only made him more agitated.

Farmer: ARTHRO TETARTOS ALOGOS-ANDRAS PARA ARTHRO APOKALYPSI! *Ran away as fast as he could.*

Ganondorf: What got him?

Rauru: He thought you were the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Ganondorf: Oh. So he thinks I'm Death. Do I look like the Grim Reaper to you?

Link: If one uses their imagination a little. Huge black stallion modelling silver armour just appearing out of the sky. That outfit's very gothic, lots of black etc. And your cloak is long, loose and sort of creates a hood. It could look like a robe I suppose. You have a sword, not to mention you're pretty big, dark and your eyes glow.

The stallion continued to spin round in circles, lifting his front feet on occasions. Most people would probably have found themselves becoming dizzy and nauseated at this point, but Ganondorf was so used to it by now he barely even noticed.

Ganondorf: I see. But I'm not a skeleton and I don't carry a scythe!  And can we go, I can't hold this guy back forever you know.

Now his horse was trotting sideways.

Ganondorf: Besides which, Death rides a white horse.

* * * Later that afternoon * * *

They rode into the town. Zelda on her pony, whom she had called Filika and Link on his (slightly taller) bay pony which he named Perry. Ganondorf was at the front on his stallion named Arravis-Drachire (pronounced Ara-viss Drack-ear, roll the r's), but he tended just to call him Arravis. Filika and Perry plodded along calmly, whereas Arravis had once again taken to trotting sideways.

Zelda: Link, why does that horse always go sideways?

Link: Because it’s a nutcase.

Zelda: He’d make a very good dressage horse. That’s a near perfect piaffe.

Link: What’s dressage?

Zelda: *Sat a little taller on her pony* The most advanced form of riding. It takes years of training your horse to perform a series of complex manoeuvres, thus demonstrating the art of riding and training a horse in a manner that develops balance, rhythm, suppleness, precision, flexibility and obedience. (If you’ve never seen a dressage test, see YouTube. The fact Arravis acted like one of the Caballo Peruano horses is neither here nor there. Again, if you are not familiar with this, simply type ‘Arte Ecuestre des Caballo Peruano del Paso y La Marinera’ into YouTube. Those horses are simply amazing.)

Link: I see. That’s all very well except I don’t think those ‘manoeuvres’ are intentional.

As the three wandered through town they got a number strange looks from local people, as their clothing was quite unlike anything anyone had ever seen. (Well a bright green tunic along with a Hyrulian shield and a sheath yielding a Sacred Sword, a long princess style dress or black medieval armour with spikes and all, are not often worn by Greek people.)

Link: *To a passer by* What are you staring at?

Zelda: Oh don't mind them. Possibly haven't seen a Hero of Time, a Princess and a King of Evil before, especially not all at the same time and not trying to kill each other.

Link: Fair point.

Zelda: Look, there's the market square. C'mon lets get something to eat.
They stopped by some trees in the park and tied the horses in the shade. Filika and Perry stood as calm as could be, obviously used to this lifestyle. Arravis on the other hand did not take kindly to being tethered, and so stomped around in circles, constantly trying to break his leash. It was quite some time before he calmed down.
The three of them then headed to the market. Link wanted to stay on the swings but Zelda wouldn't let him, so he wasn't best pleased. They all went off separately to find what they wanted. Link found a stall selling corn-on-the-cob, and so he couldn't go by without getting some. He also bought plenty extra for at the house, some pasta and rice, and various bits and pieces to with it. Ganondorf wondered around for a while, somewhat bedazzled by the unfamiliar cuisine which he found. Being from the desert, he was familiar with millet bread, dried dates, camels milk and that was about it. The wasteland wasn’t exactly the land of abundance after all…

Zelda was the one who bought all the fruit and vegetables, as she thought neither of the other two would buy any. By the time they returned, a number of children had gathered around and were patting the horses. Perry and Filika revelled in all the attention, but Arravis didn't approve of this. His snorting and stamping kept them at bay.Link, Zelda and Ganondorf decided to sit and have breakfast - at about 3pm - in the park, unbothered by the children patting their horses. It was not long however, before four older kids came to look at the horses. They soon chased the younger children away and found this to be a hoot. All the screaming and rushing about angered Arravis. He started snorting and stomping his hooves again. The four youngsters thought this was quite entertaining, and kept dashing up to the horse and hitting it, then running just out of reach as he charged toward them.

Ganondorf: They probably don’t want to be doing that….

The four continued to do this, seemingly unphased by the white bore in the stallions’ eye. Again and again Arravis charged, and the rope holding him becoming weaker and weaker. Eventually he reared right up on his hind legs, pulling from side to side. The tether frayed. Then it snapped. Then he was free. He roared and leapt forward at his assailants, who turned and ran for their lives.

Zelda: Oh my gosh Ganondorf do something!

Ganondorf: No. Teach them not to annoy my horse again.

Zelda: In that case, Link do something!

Link: Errrr….

The teenagers took off across the town square and toward the narrow streets. Arravis was in hot pursuit, the hard cobbled pathways making little impact on his thunderous hooves. He charged through the market stalls, scattering the produce across the floor. The market traders simply dived out of the way. It wasn't long before the youths found themselves trapped at the end of an alleyway, the stallion racing onwards, eyes blazing and foaming at the mouth. He was almost upon them. They screamed as he reared up over them.Suddenly the Arravis’ head swung round abruptly.

Link: *Pulled hard on the horses rein* WHOA LAD. Steady Arravis, whoa lad.

The stallion stopped charging and pivoted on the spot. He reared up over Link and
tried to pull free. Link held on tight and refused to let go, dodging the horses hooves as it kicked around wildly.

Link: Whoa lad. No I'm not letting go so get that idea out of your head.

Arravis refused to calm. He continued rearing and kicking out, snorting wildly and jumping around trying to pull away. Link had a tough time avoiding getting kicked in the head, but still refused to let go, as he knew he wasn't going to let a horse mess him about. Even if it was almost the size of a house.

Ganondorf: *Was sat by the tree in the square.* ARRAVIS! ENOUGH!

The stallion stopped rearing immediately and tried to look innocent, as if to say `I wasn’t doing anything…'

Link: Thank you. Feel free to catch him next time.

Ganondorf: *Shrugged* Well I did say…

Link turned to the teenagers, who were still huddled in the corner.

Link: Right. If ANY of you EVER touch this horse again, and if ANYTHING like this EVER happens again, you will not live to regret it, as you won't live at all. Because next time, I'll not stop him. UNDERSTOOD?

Of course, none of them could understand a word Link said, but they decided it was best to leave. And after looking at the expression on Link's face, then seeing Arravis at Ganondorf’s side, ran like hell.



*** *** ***  Day 4 *** *** ***



Everything was still. The horses were grazing in the paddock, with no sound apart from the occasional bird and a menagerie of crickets. Link had awoken early - probably something to do with that same menagerie - and was stood watching the horses through the morning mist. He smiled. He knew it would soon clear, and, unusually for him, all was calm.

(From inside) Zelda: AAARGH! LINK, THERE'S A CENTEPIDE IN MY ROOM!

Link sighed. The shriek had startled all wildlife from around him as he watched it so peacefully, and the horses were now charging around the paddock.

Zelda: LINK! IT'S MOVING!


Eventually Link wandered inside, only to find Ganondorf stood holding it and Zelda in the bathroom again.

Link: Don't you start…

Ganondorf: What? I wasn't going to. I promised I wouldn't, remember?

Link: No offense, but just because you say something, doesn’t mean -

Ganondorf: *Frowned* Hey don’t you impede my honour. I always keep my word. I
just don’t give it very often. And besides, I don't think she'd ever come out again if I started anything, so I'm putting it outside.

He headed toward the door, but before he got there the centipede twisted round and sank it’s pincers into his hand.

Ganondorf: AARGH! It bit me! Why you little…I'll show you! *Launched it out the window and practically over the horizon*

Link: Are they poisonous?

Ganondorf: *Laughed briefly and then stopped* I hope not.

Link picked up the Pirates Charm and called Rauru.

Link: Are those giant centipede things poisonous?

Rauru: Who’s asking?

Link: *Frowned* Well… me….

Rauru: OK let me check.

He flicked through his book of ‘Dangerous Insects, Arachnids and Arthropods’ which he had, conveniently, to hand.

Rauru: I'm afraid it is.

Ganondorf: Oh. Damn. So now what?

Rauru: You're going to die.

Ganondorf: WHAT? No way, I've had worse.

Link: Rauru, are you serious?

Rauru: Well according to this, if he doesn’t get the antidote, yes…eventually.


Ganondorf: Eventually meaning…as in the time you die of old age anyway?

Rauru: You should live a fair while with it.  Few days perhaps. Maybe even a week or
two. Depends how you react to it. Could only be a day, hours even, or less….

Ganondorf: Shut up trying to scare me.

Link: Rauru be serious. Is it that bad?

Rauru: Check if you don’t believe me.

He threw the book through the vortex. Link caught it and flicked through the pages.

Link: Oh yes here it is. Right.  “The venom contained in the bite of this centipede is potent, containing powerful toxins including acetylcholine, agitoxin, scyllatoxin and serotonin. Possible symptoms include pain -

Ganondorf: Yes.

Link: Swelling -

Ganondorf: Yes.

Link: Let me finish. “Possible symptoms include pain, swelling, necrosis, fever, nausea, dizziness, blurred vision, disorientation, convulsions, shortness of breath, palpitations, cardiac arrest and death.” *He closed the book.* Well I would have said death was a consequence more than a symptom.

Ganondorf: I really hate that centipede.

He looked at his hand. It was already starting to feel the effects. Which were getting worse by the second.

Link: So where do we get the antidote?

Rauru: I’m not saying. Solves all our problems and saves you a job.

Ganondorf: What? Well how rude.

Link: Yeah that is a little bit harsh.

Rauru simply shrugged his shoulders.

Ganondorf: *Glared at Rauru* I will not forget this.

Rauru: No. You will die.

Ganondorf: *Narrowed his eyes.* We’ll see.

Rauru disappeared.

Link: Now what?

Ganondorf: *Shrugged.* Dunno. Maybe there’s an alchemist on this island
somewhere.

Link: Oh whatever, let's just go. Zelda come out that bathroom AT ONCE!

* * *    * * *      

The three of them were riding down the road toward the town. Link and Zelda chatted between themselves. Ganondorf wasn’t saying much and followed in near silence. (I say near silence, as although he wasn’t saying anything, he was grinding his teeth intensely.) Perry and Filika would occasionally turn their heads and give each other a playful nip. Arravis, oddly enough, plodded along peacefully.

Zelda: I don’t understand, usually that horse is a nutcase, but now Ganondorf isn’t
even holding the reins and it’s as calm as can be. It’s like it knows.

Link: It is said animals have a sixth sense about these things.

Zelda: You’re right. When I was ill with flu once, my cat Milly stayed on my bed the whole time. I mean it was a bit annoying really, but very sweet.

Link: Yeah when I was ill a while back Marwood would barely leave me alone.

Zelda: Who’s Marwood?

Link: My cow. And it is annoying when you’re trying to sleep and keep getting nudged on the shoulder by a cow. But a kind thought.

Zelda: Awww that’s so sweet! Quick question, where are we actually heading?

Link: *Shrugged* Don’t know. Hey let’s ask that woman over there.

He was referring to the old lady not far in front of them, who was half way up an olive
tree harvesting the crop. He steered Perry over toward her .

Link: Excuse me Madam, we’re looking for an alchemist. Don’t suppose you could point us in the right direction?

Old woman: Poz mporo na boefeso?

Link showed her Ganondorf’s hand, which had swollen considerably, then shrugged his shoulders and waved his arms around a little. (This is universal sign language

which translates roughly as ‘what the hell do we do about this!?’)

Old woman: Sarantapodronsa!

She rummaged in her apron and pulled out a handful of herbs and a cloth, placed them over the wound then pressed hard.

Old woman: Ánto pha boethesei alla Tha prepei na psitasonme se ena pharmakeio! Tora!

Link: English?

Old: Pharmakio. Pharmacy. *Pointed down the road.* Tora tora tora!

Zelda: I think tora means hurry.

Link: You do?

Zelda: Yeah just from the way she said it.

Link: Well we’d best get going then. Ganondorf, you hanging on in there?

Ganondorf nodded slowly, but said nothing.

* * * Later, in town * * *

They rode into the town centre, where again they got some strange looks. Link saw the four boys from the previous day. They saw Link, who scowled at them, drew his sword and glared evilly. He laughed as they ran away, then returned his sword to his sheath and continued to laugh.

Zelda: Link how could you? You know scaring people unnecessarily is wrong. That's more like something Ganondorf would do.

Link: Ah, but that wasn’t unnecessary. That was reinforcement. Anyway, Ganondorf, how's you hand? Still hurting?

Ganondorf: Huh…what? Oh, yeah. A lot more than my hand hurts. I really don’t feel well. Where's this pharmacy?

He turned to Link, squinting slightly in the hope his vision would back come into focus.

Ganondorf: What is a pharmacy?

Zelda: It must be their version of a potion shop. That's it there I think, with the cross outside. I can read most of it but some of those letters I've never seen before.

* * * Inside * * *

There crowds of people inside, all queuing to get to the counter, where three young women worked frantically to try and serve everybody.

Zelda: Oh great. It'll take all night to reach the counter at this rate. Can you hold on for that long?

Ganondorf wondered which of the three Zeldas he could see had actually said that.

Ganondorf: I suppose. It's not that bad really. If I keep telling myself that, eventually I can delude myself into believing it. My head hurts. *Forced a smile*

Link: Oh enough of this.

He looked at Ganondorf - who was swaying slightly - and still trying to convince himself that it didn't hurt - and then whispered something to him, smiled and nodded.

Zelda: What's going on? Link it's rude to whisper.

Link: I have a cunning plan.

He whispered in Zelda's ear, and she too smiled and nodded

Link: (Still whispering) Ready everybody? Go!

Ganondorf: *Clutched his arm* AAAAAAARGH.

He stumbled forward onto his knees. Link rushed forward to support him.

Link: *Pulled him up and put Ganondorf's arm round his shoulder to support him* I got you. HE NEEDS HELP!

Zelda: Oh my gosh. *Pushed through the crowd* Step aside people. Dying person coming through, come on, move it move it move it! Out of the way people, come on come on. Your not helping, I will NOT ask again, now MOVE!

Everybody stood aside and allowed them through quickly. Zelda shoved aside any who were in the way, and it was not long before they were at the front. Many women lead their children outside.

Pharmacist: (In fairly good English) What is matter with him? What is happen?

Zelda: He's been bitten by one of those, *pointed to a picture on the desk* and reacted badly to it.

Pharmacist: Oh this bad. Come through back now. Quickly.

They all followed her through to the back room, where there was a bed and many medical and herbal treatments stacked on the walls. They all sat on the bed. The pharmacist told them he must stay awake, and wasn't allowed to pass out. She started rummaging through the medical equipment.

Link: *Whispered* Success. How you doing?

Ganondorf didn't reply, but stared straight ahead of him, his breathing coarse and sweat pouring from his brow. His eyes were dim on the odd occasions that he opened them.

Link: I don't think he's faking it anymore. Hurry up over there!

After a few minutes the lady rushed back over with a medical kit. She pulled out a Teramind leaf and carefully made a slit in the main vein. She then took Ganondorf’s hand, made a small incision across the bite and laid the slashed leaf over it. Having held it for a number of minutes, she then prepared a mixture of Galagara and Connessi bark. She applied it to the wound, then bandaged it up tenderly. Finally, she prepared a decotion (similar to tea) made from Moringa bark and, once Ganondorf came round properly, she told him to drink it. And he did so, albeit reluctantly, as frankly, it tasted awful.

Following his treatment, Ganondorf was told to rest. After a while he insisted he would at the house and that he would be fine. But he wasn't going to stay. The pharmacist wasn't best pleased, but agreed on condition he took some of the herbal medicine with him and to have it twice a day until it ran out.

* * * Back at the house. * * *

Zelda: How are you now?

The Gerudo looked at his bandaged hand, which was still burning and sore.

Ganondorf: Oh I'm fine. Sort of…ish. My still head hurts. Oh I'm going to bed. For six months. Because by then, I might feel normal again. *Went inside*

Zelda: We'll be out here if…ok fine ignore me then.

Ganondorf: Will do.

Link: He’ll be fine. Well I'm off in the pool. Care to join me Zelda?

Again they both splashed around, messing about in the water. It was around four o'clock, so the sun wasn't blazing too much. They stayed in there for an hour or so, and then spent the evening outside, gazing up at the stars.

* * *
The next few days were spent at the house relaxing and enjoying the sun. Link got a little bored from time to time, so went for walks in the woods and around the local area, exploring towns and countryside and often getting himself lost. He did manage to find his way home eventually, even if it was about one o' clock in the morning. Zelda of course wasn't exactly happy when he did this, and Ganondorf, still recovering, wasn't exactly bothered.
* * *

*** *** *** Day 8 *** *** *** They had decided to go out. They had spent the last few days in, and it was time to find something to do. They had set off early, and trekked through many small villages, through dense forests (made up entirely of olive trees) and a couple of larger towns. Eventually they decided to stop at one of the beaches.

Zelda: You know Ganondorf, after all this, you know, helping you find the pharmacy and that, you should be so thankful. So you'd better be nice to us.

Ganondorf: What!? I thought I was being nice anyway? How nice do I have to be to be nice!?

Link: A good point well made. Why are you being so pleasant? You're supposed to be evil.

Ganondorf: I'm on holiday. I don't have to be evil all the time you know. I'm taking a break. You want me to be evil? Well that suits me just fine, because all this being nice to you two, of all people. That can all change easily. I'll gladly be evil again. No problem, so if that's what you want…

Link: NO! No no no it's fine, honestly.

Ganondorf: *Looked suspiciously into Link's eye* Are you sure…?

Link smiled and nodded quickly.

Link: Besides, I thought you were staying in bed for six months.

Ganondorf: Yes, well. I felt better earlier than expected. But like I said, I’ve had worse.

Link: You have?

Ganondorf: Yeah, I was bitten by a snake as a teenager. That was a close call. I was in SO much trouble after that. And I was like oh come on it wasn’t intentional. But then with Koume and Kotake, there’s just no reasoning sometimes…

Link: Well if you were messing about with it like you were the centipede…

Ganondorf: That’s the thing – I wasn’t.

Zelda: Well you should consider yourself lucky anyway. That thing could have killed you.

Ganondorf: I doubt it.

Zelda: Why?

Ganondorf: Only the good die young.

Link: Oh crap.

Zelda: Don’t listen to him.

Link: Besides, it can’t have been that bad anyway as you felt better 5 months, 27 days,
18 hours and 37 minutes earlier than expected, correct?

Ganondorf: Something like that. How could you be bothered to work that out?

Link: *Smug* Me are smart.

Zelda: Not as smart as me. I have the Triforce of Wisdom.

Link: Without that, you'd be um…*paused and tried to find the right word* Un-smart!

Zelda: That's not true. I was wise as a child, remember.

Link: I remember you talked me into opening the Door of Time so then Ganondorf got into the Sacred Realm and stole the Triforce. Not the wisest move, as it was exactly what wasn't supposed to happen. Note the word wasn't.

Zelda: Yes, well. How was I to know he would steal it?

Ganondorf: They don't call me the King of Thieves for nothing.

Link: Yes, well he's not a very good thief anyway. And if you try and steal one thing from me, you'll be sorry.

Ganondorf: Is that so?

Link: You will be when you feel the edge of the Master Sword at your throat.
He reached for his sword, but his hands clasped air. He glanced round, only to see

Ganondorf resting it in his hand.

Ganondorf: It's got a good sharp blade I suppose. Nice weight. Not too heavy, not too
light. Easy to manoeuvre. I advise you take care of it. Good swords like this don't come about that often.

Link: *Frowned.* Ok, you can give me the Master Sword back now.

Zelda: I thought he couldn't touch that. The sacred blade which evil ones may never touch…?

Link: That’s why he’s holding it by the sheath. But I still have my light arrow- Right you can give those back too!

Ganondorf: *Laughed and looked smug* For a bad thief I think I did rather well to get these without you noticing. And these…

He held up Link's wallet, Zora tunic and Golden Gauntlets

Link: But…I'm wearing those gauntlets!?

Ganondorf: Not anymore.

Link: Ok fine you've made your point. You're a highly skilled thief now give those
back right now!

He launched himself at the Gerudo and tried to snatch them back. Ganondorf laughed and held them high in the air. Being over 7ft tall, this put them way out of anybody's reach. Link was getting more and more irate.

Zelda: *Completely oblivious to the impending punch-up* Let's go for a swim.

* * * In the sea * * *

Link: I like the sea. It's nice and cool.

Zelda: I like it when it's clear and I can see what I'm standing on.

Link: Always a bonus.

Ganondorf appeared from under the waves. His long fiery red hair hung down and covered his face, rendering him momentarily unable to see. He held up his arms and poured the water out of his gauntlets, then shook his hair out of his eyes.

Link: You really ought to tie your hair back when swimming. If you did, that wouldn't
happen.

Zelda: Or get a haircut.

Ganondorf: NO! No haircut.

Link: What's wrong with -

Ganondorf: I don't want to talk about it.

Link: Ok then. Last one over to the rock's a turnip.

They all swam as fast as they could. Link pulled on his Zora mask and sped away.

Zelda: That's cheating!

Ganondorf: Well two can play at that game.

He clapped his hands once, then teleported and stood on the rock which Link had almost reached.

Link: Damn-it I was so close! That was cheating. Oh hold on, I was cheating. Damn!

Zelda eventually caught them up. It did however take a long time, which is fair enough, as I don’t know if any of you have tried swimming in a dress, but it’s not easy.

Zelda: Well I win 'cause I played fair.

Link: Fair enough. Wow there's lots of fish here. I like fishes. Awwww look these are really bright colours. They’re awesome! And look, a star fish! And not only that, but these fish don't try and eat you! Fish fish fish fish fish! Ganondorf move, I want to be up there.

Link pushed Ganondorf off the rock. The Gerudo stumbled over the edge, rather ungracefully, and landed in the water with a splash, receiving a mouthful of salty water in the process.

Ganondorf: Argh! Bloody hell that tastes awful! I'll get you for that!

He waved his arm and created a large wave which washed over the rock and dragged Link off the top with it.

Ganondorf: Hahahahaha

Link: Right! That's it!

This eventually mounted up into a full-blown fist fight, along with headlocks, arm locks, karate chops, hip throws, kick throws, front flips, back twists, flying fists and whatever other moves you can think of. And possibly a few more added on to that.

Zelda: Now now you two. That's quite sufficient thank you. Come on now, no more fighting. Are you listening to me?

The two of them continued pelting the living daylights out of each other.

Zelda: Now then let's leave it there, break it up you two.
They both completely ignored her and kept pulverising one another.

Zelda: WILL YOU TWO STOP THAT!

They both stopped.

Link: He started it.

Zelda: None of your excuses, either of you.

Link: But

Zelda: But nothing, it ends now.

Link: He

Zelda: I'm not interested in who or what started it. Now it is finished and that is final!

* * * Later * * *

After staying at the beach and drying off in the sun, the three were sitting in a cafe
near the sea with a drink.

Link: We absolutely do have to come back here. Beaches are fun.

Zelda: Ok we'll come back on one condition. No more fighting!

Link felt the Pirates Charm vibrate in his pocket.

Rauru: Just checking up on things, seeing how things are going.

Link: Oh come on you’re not our parents.

Zelda: Well, everything is fine.

Rauru: Well actually, I was just wondering how is it now that… you know…I take it
he’s….

Link: Why don’t you ask him…

He threw the Pirates Charm over to Ganondorf, who glowered at it with a glare that sent an icy chill through the spine.

Rauru: Oh, er…you’re… you’re still alive…!

Ganondorf: So it would appear.

Rauru: Well, erm. It would, perhaps appear that…erm. That I owe you an apology. My behaviour the other day was…. er… well I really don’t know what to say…..

Ganondorf: I do.

Rauru broke into a cold sweat.

Rauru: You… you do?

Ganondorf: FEAR ME.

*** *** *** Day 9 *** *** ***

By the time everybody was up, it was mid morning. By the time Zelda was ready to go out, it was mid-afternoon. They had decided to hit the town. (Link was literally going to hit the town, or anything if Zelda hadn't hurried up) After all, he had been hoping to spend the day in the bustle of the town. Instead, he had spent over half of it waiting around. He had tried to find stuff to do, but he was restless. He'd already brushed the horses until they were spotless, (well, Perry and Filika at least; Arravis had had other ideas.) He had buffed his shield until it sparkled, and his sword; he had made carvings in a number of trees, drawn a masterpiece in the dust, gone through every song he knew on the ocarina, and ones he didn't, and now he'd even taken to reading. Ganondorf on the other hand, had basked in the sun the whole time. When Zelda was finally ready they'd practically forgotten what they were going to do.

Link: Oh, could it be her ladyship is finally ready? After all these years of powdering
and perfecting? Could it be lady fondness of face makeup has completed her perilous task to fake up her face with a tonne of…whatever you call that stuff within the endless time limit? Could it be she's ready to be seen in public?

Zelda: Well I'll only be a few more minutes, I just need to…

Link: WE ARE LEAVING RIGHT NOW!

Zelda: Hang on just a few minutes and I'll be with you.

Link: I can't understand how it takes women so long. Ganondorf, you live in a society full of women, you must understand them better than I do. Why does it take them so
long to get ready?

Ganondorf: One of life's mysteries us men were never destined to perceive.

Link: Meaning?

Ganondorf: Meaning I haven't got a clue.

Link: I don’t understand what they do the whole time. I mean, how long can it take to run a brush through your hair?

Ganondorf: Yeah, they can spend like two hours “getting ready” and when they finally emerge they look pretty much the same as they did in the first place. NOT that I ever tell them this.

Link: Why not?

Ganondorf: Because it would only ever end badly.

Link: Zelda, this is you last chance. Come now or we're going without you and I am serious.

Zelda: Ok fine. All I need to do is -

Link: I don't care we're going now, not later. Now!

* * * In town. * * *
It was not what you would call exactly busy in town, as many shops had closed for the afternoon. (They tend to do this every summer in Greece, as it gets so hot and most locals have a siesta and usually re-open around 4 or 5 o'clock) There were a few people about, but most were indoors. Link and co. had stopped in the park for a while.

Link: Wehey! An empty swing! *Ran off to go on the swing*

Zelda: Oooh lovely. There's one for me. Ganondorf, push me!

Ganondorf: Gladly. *Pushed her over*

Zelda: Not like that! On the swing you idiot. Push the swing. Are you stupid!?

Ganondorf: Actually, now you come to mention it, my IQ does tend to drop a little on
holidays.

Link: You mean you actually have an IQ?

Zelda: But are you that stupid!?

Ganondorf: I did exactly as you asked. And yes I do have an IQ.

Zelda: You know, what I meant.
* * * Later * * *
The shops had all opened again and the town was getting very busy.

Zelda: What exactly are we here for?

Link: I thought you ladies loved shopping.

Zelda: I do, and…is that the biggest clothes shop I've ever seen? Yes!

Link: There is no way I'm setting foot in a posh girlie shop like that. Look, with all
those dresses, skirts, handbags, nail stuff, hats and everything I might feel out of
place. But if you want to go…Zelda?

Zelda: *Already inside* I've died and gone to heaven.

Link: Zelda, we'll be around town. Meet you at the square in that cafe with the big umbrellas in say couple of hours? Zelda! I said…

Zelda: Yes, yes I heard you the first time. Go on, off you go. I'm busy.

They left Zelda to do her own thing, and wandered round the town for a while. They stopped in a few shops, but not a lot really took their fancy.

Link: I want to get Malon a present.

Ganondorf: You like her, don't you.

Link: What? Yes she's my friend. Not like that. *Blushed*

Ganondorf: Not like that I'm sure…

Link: Yes, well. I still want to get her something. What the hell am I going to get her?

Ganondorf: Zelda likes clothes and bags and stuff.

Link: She's nothing like Zelda. She's a farm girl.

Ganondorf: Oh, well I don't know.

Link: You must know what girls like.

Ganondorf: Not farm girls. We don’t have ‘farms’ in the desert.

Link: You must do.

Ganondorf: Really? How many fields of grass have you seen in a desert? And how many crops do you know of that grow in a desert?

Link: Not many.

Ganondorf: Hence why we don‘t have farms! But anyway, for presents Gerudo like bracelets, necklaces, fancy hair clips and such. But for living we treasure weaponry and water.

Link: That's it! A hair clip!

They searched round the little shops for a while until Link found one that he thought was perfect. It was a dark brown wooden clip with a large a hand carved Greek pattern engraved into it. It was flawless.

Link: I think she'll look so lovely wearing her hair up in this.

Ganondorf: Of course you'd think that. You like her.

Link: Do you have the money?

Ganondorf: Yes it's here somewhere. *Searched his pockets* Oh wait,
Zelda…had…it.

His words trailed off as they both realised that they were probably never going to see it again.

Link: You are joking?

Ganondorf: ……No…

Link: Well fine, I'll pay with whatever money I've got.

He went up and placed the clip on the counter. He reached for his wallet and pulled out 20 rupees.

Man. (In not so good English) We no take that. Greece money.

Link: But it's all I've got and this is important.

Man: Greece money.

Link: Please we haven't got anything else other than rupees. And look it’s all red and
shiny and everything.

Man: No Greece money no buy.

Link then lunged forward, grabbed the mans shirt and pulled him over the counter and
pushed him to the floor. Standing on his ribs, Link drew his sword and held it to the man's throat. His eyes went narrow and he spoke quietly, in almost a whisper but the tone was harsh.

Link: Listen pal, you will take…

The man, in shock and fear, swallowed hard and whispered.

Man: Ok, I take no money. You have for nothing now go. Let alive.

Link stood tall but didn't lose eye contact with the man. He withdrew his sword and placed it back in his sheath. His look was deadly serious. As he strolled out the shop everybody backed away. As soon as he stepped outside, he and Ganondorf both burst out laughing.

Ganondorf: Didn't know you had that in you. Nicely handled.

Link: Ah well it's like I didn't know you had a nice side. *Sinisterly looked Ganondorf
in the eye* I didn't get where I am today by saving up my money only for people not
to accept it.

Ganondorf: *Backed away slightly* Yes, I'm sure Link…

That night, Link managed to `buy' a new wallet, a picture for his house (When I say picture, it was another wooden Greek carving) and a mandolin to play. Ganondorf didn't buy anything. However, he managed to steal a large rug, and also a fairly large terracotta pot which he could keep water in back at the fortress. (Exactly how he managed to steal these without anyone noticing would be a little difficult to explain, so I'll leave that to your own imagination.)

They met Zelda at the cafe later on, and to no surprise she was laden with bags of clothes, hats, mirrors, handbags etc. Also, to no surprise, she had ran out of money. They decided to stay and eat out in town. Zelda wondered how they were going to pay, but Link told her he would sort that out.



*** *** *** Day 10 *** *** ***



Link had insisted they went back to the beach. Link liked the beach. Link liked the beach a lot. This place was a little more crowded than before, but the sand was still white, the sun was still shining and the sea was still crystal clear.

Zelda: The sun's so strong. We need a sun umbrella or we'll get sun burned.

Link: No we won't. You and I maybe, but not him.

He pointed at Ganondorf who was trying to get his horse to stand still whilst tied up, rather than nearly snapping the rope again. It was just giving him a hard time. Link considered going to help, but then thought, what the hell and pulled out a bucket and spade which he had `bought' and started building a sand-castle. Zelda sat fanning herself. Link was almost finished by the time Ganondorf arrived. He was out of breath.

Ganondorf: Note to self. Next time…get a mare. *Flopped on the sand*

Link: Nah, they get real stroppy.

Zelda: My horse at home, Minstrel, is perfect. He always does as he's told.

Ganondorf: That's because you can't ride. So you need a good one or else you'd fall.

Zelda: Yes I can! I just don't have to ride naughty ones. And my riding instructor says I am very accomplished.  

She ran over to steal Link's hat, (How she would manage this I don't know. Have you noticed how Link's hat, no-matter what he does, never falls off? I mean seriously, forward roll, back-flip, dive head first off a cliff – the hat stays.) She did, however, stand on his castle in the process.

Link: How could you! That was…the best…I've…You should be sorry!

He threw a clump sand at Zelda but with no intent of it hitting her. However, owing to the brisk sea breeze, it all went in her hair.

Zelda: My hair! Link, that's all gone in my hair…Do you realise how long that's going to take to get out? And after I spent so long getting it right? Only to have somebody make a mess of, no, RUIN my hairstyle!?

Link: *Backing away from Zelda* Who's for a swim?

The two of them ran over toward the sea, followed by Ganondorf, who had decided that, on holiday, he wasn’t going to run anywhere. Only Zelda tripped over and fell flat on her face about half way, so Link ran back up to get her. By the time they got
into the water, Ganondorf was no-where in sight.

Link: I wonder where Ganondorf went?

Zelda: I have no idea. Never mind, he'll turn up.

At that moment, Ganondorf leapt out of the waves behind Zelda and roared.

Zelda: AAARGH! A SEA MONSTER! *Scrambled up onto a rock.*

Ganondorf: Charming…

Zelda: Oh, it's you. Not a sea monster. Just a monster.

Ganondorf: Quiet you. Lady `oh no a single strand of hair is slightly out of place my
entire life is doomed'

Zelda: I'm not paranoid, I'm merely sophisticated. I don't mind if a strand of hair is
slightly out of place.

Link: What if it gets wet, when you don't want it?

Zelda: I don't know how I'd react to that.

Ganondorf: One way to find out.

He clicked his fingers and Zelda was lifted into the air. She hovered over the water briefly and then dropped down with a splash.

Zelda: Oh no oh no oh no! I'm soaked and everything. I never get my hair this wet unless I'm washing it. And this water has salt in it! Oh my gosh it's ruined completely.

Ganondorf how could you? That was so evil. You're not supposed to be evil here!

Link: That wasn't evil, that was funny. To do that and then hold you under would be evil.

Ganondorf: Don't tempt me…

* * * A while later * * *

They had all come out the sea and were drying off in the sun. Ganondorf and Zelda were sunbathing to dry off. Link was sat in the sun re-building his sand-castle. This one was much bigger than his old one. And he was very proud of it. It had a moat, a bridge, a high wall around the edge, a tower at each corner. On the door he had carved a large L and he'd even got a canon on the top to fend off intruders.

Link: There, one complete sand-castle. *Stood back to admire his work*

Ganondorf: *Went over to have a look* It's a fortress. A sand fortress.

Link: It's a castle!

Ganondorf: No.

He stepped away and closed his eyes. He seemed to be concentrating. He waved his hands slowly in front of him and muttered something under his breath. Slowly, the sand began to move. It rose up and up, and started swirling around until Link couldn't see Ganondorf anymore because of the sand flying around. He heard Ganondorf clap his hand, and everything went still. Link stared in disbelief. In front of him stood the biggest, most detailed sand castle he'd ever seen. It must have been near 8 foot tall, with a moat around the outside. All the towers were flawless, every window perfect. The detail was outstanding, right down to every crack on each individual brick. At the front was a drawbridge and even lanterns with fire created out of sand. Everything about it was impeccable.

Ganondorf: That is a sand-castle.

Zelda: That's amazing. How…?

Ganondorf: I've had plenty practice. There was a lot of sand around where I grew up.

Zelda: I see.

Link: Well I still think mine's a castle…

Suddenly a ball flew out of what seemed like no-where and straight into the castle. It
went up in an explosion of sand. Everyone shielded their eyes. By the time they opened them again, all there was in front of them was a pile of sand with a ball on top.

Ganondorf: What the!? My sand castle! *Clenched his fist*

Link: It was only a sand-castle.

Ganondorf: No, it was my sand-castle.

Link: But still, it's nothing major.

Ganondorf: It destroyed yours too.

Link: WHAT!? How dare they! They'll pay. You mark my words they will.

It wasn't long before someone called over to them.

Link: What are they saying?

Zelda: I think they want their ball back and want you to throw it to them.

Link: Oh. *He picked up the ball* You want this?

The people nodded

Link threw the ball in the air, whipped out his master sword and sliced it down the middle, cutting it exactly in half. He then stepped on the two pieces of deflated beach ball and stamped them into the sand. And then smiled.

Ganondorf: They want a ball? They can have this one.

A sphere of glowing energy materialised in his hand. He stared at the small crowd of people, who were shouting and waving their arms wildly at Link for destroying their ball. They all fell silent as they saw what Ganondorf was holding, as it grew in size and strength. Ganondorf muttered something like `catch this' and then launched the force as hard as he could straight toward them. As it hit, it erupted into a hoard of darkness. It launched everyone through the air and back a long way, where they lay stunned in shock and fright.

Link: Nicely done.

Ganondorf: And they say violence doesn't solve anything. That's a lie. It solves almost everything.

Zelda: Oh I can't believe you two! Come on we are leaving before somebody sees me around the two of you. And before you both end up getting arrested.



*** *** *** Day 11 *** *** ***



It was mid morning. The sun was warm and the air was light. Birds sang in the trees and everything was pleasant and still. This was soon disturbed by a white pony as it flew full speed through the trees.

Zelda: Link! I can't stop! HELP ME!

Link: Um, just er…hold on and sit back. And keep your head down. These branches are quite low so -

*Thump*             &nb sp;   ….             &nb sp;         * Whack*……
       & nbsp;           &nbs p;            & nbsp;           &nbs p;       * Crash.*

Link: …oh too late.

Link ran over to find Zelda sat on the floor looking displeased.

Zelda: Next time my horse needs waking up, I'll do it myself! Look at the grass stain
on my white dress. That'll never come out, and I got a face full of leaves.

Link: We may have a slightly larger problem to think about right now. That thing won't stop…

The pony ran round and round the trees, darting in and out of Link's sight.

Zelda: If we can just chase it back into the paddock, it'll have to stop then. Come on

Link, I'm sure we can manage that.

So that's what they did. Or rather, that is what Link did. Zelda ran out of the way as soon as the pony came within ten feet of her. Ganondorf was sat on the roof, amused by the whole saga. Neither Link or Zelda thought of looking for somebody on the roof, so didn't realise he was there. Link found himself doing more sprinting than he could remember doing in his whole life, until he eventually managed to steer it into the paddock.

Link: *Completely out of breath* I was never a good sprinter…

Zelda: Well you did a very good job. Very good, round of applause for you and…oh. Watch out!

Link turned round to see the Filika charging straight toward him. He stood his ground. Malon had told him if a horse charges, don't run. They stop, usually. And usually they do. But not this time. This time, the Filika just completely ignored Link and went straight over the top of him.

Link: Ouch…

Ganondorf, who had conveniently decided to turn up, grabbed the horse and swung it round to a halt, after nearly getting dragged off his feet.

Ganondorf: Come here you little bugger.

Link: *Slowly got to his feet* I was wondering when you were going to show up. You should have been here to help catch that thing in the first -

Ganondorf: Move to your right.

Link did so, just in time to see Arravis charge past, kicking up a cloud of dust behind and lashing his tail. Link closed his eyes and allowed the dust to settle. By the time he opened them again, Arravis was still going at full power, only now dragging

Ganondorf along behind him.Ganondorf: OK this *thud* is *crack* bad…

Link: Let go!

Ganondorf: What!?After quite some time the Gerudo somehow - but exactly how is uncertain, as his feet barely touched the ground - managed to turn the Arravis toward the paddock. The stallion charged through the gate, which Link slammed shut behind them. He then wondered why Ganondorf hadn't just let go when the horse pulled him over, but then realised he wasn't actually holding on at all. He had his hand caught in the stallions mane. Arravis then charged toward the gate.

Ganondorf: Arravis don't you dare…

Arravis curved his back, ready to make the jump.

Ganondorf: Don’t *scraaaape* even think about it! – Arravis – turn - turn turn turn!

The horse did turn away. Very sharply. So sharply in fact that Ganondorf's hand became free from the mane (or rather, the mane snapped) and he flew straight on.

Ganondorf: Not like that!

The Gerudo flew straight into the metal five bar gate. He knocked into the top of it, flipped and twisted round as his feet and arms became tangled up in the bars, flew over the top and then crashed head first to the floor. But landed on his back. With his right arm and leg still twisted up through the bars. And his left arm behind him putting himself in an arm-lock. His left leg was bent round in a way which wasn't normal. So basically in a bit of a mangled up mess.

He didn’t attempt to move.

Ganondorf: Ok that one hurt.

Link: Perhaps it's best we don't take the horses out today…

Zelda: Yes, let's not. How about a nice walk into the woods?

Ganondorf: Great! A walk… I think I broke my legs.

* * * Later, in the forest. * * *

They had been walking for some time. They were completely surrounded by olive
trees and had no idea where they were. Something caught Link's eye. It was a large tree with a sloping trunk, littered with ruts and holes. There were branches sprouting from every direction as he looked further and further up the tree.

Link: Wow, that tree is just made for climbing. *Ran off and started to scramble up the tree*

Zelda: Don't fall down.

Link: I'll do my best not to. And if I do I'll try to fall on Ganondorf, not you.

Ganondorf: Right, I'll stop here for a bit then. *Sat down away from the tree Link was half way up already*

Zelda also stopped and sat by a tree. Suddenly Ganondorf saw a movement in the leaves near to where he was sat. He moved them, and there in front of him was a very large spider.

Ganondorf: Hey look at this. *Picked it up and let it run over this hands.*

Link: You just don’t learn, do you.

Zelda: Don't you dare bring that over here if you do I'll, I'll…I don't know what I'll do but you’ll be sorry!

Ganondorf: Well they live in the leaves on the floor.

Zelda scrambled up the tree after Link.

Link: Hey, it’s only a spider. What's to be scared of?

Zelda: Um…the fact that it's a spider.

Link: Ah yes, the arachnophobia. Changing the subject, I'm hungry.

Zelda: You're sat in an olive tree. You can eat olives.

Link *Tried one of the olives* Ok, I don't like olives. Don't we have any biscuits or something? Hey, you down there, anything?

Zelda: I brought some bread with me in-case we got hungry. Oh damn I left it down there. Here, throw it up to us.

Ganondorf: What? Oh, right. *Threw the loaf of bread up into the tree*
Zelda almost caught it, but just let it slip out of her hand. It fell a short way and then got lodged in a branch a little below her.

Link: I'll get it.

He climbed down the tree until he was level with the food. Fortunately, there was a branch leading to right above it, so he would be able to reach down to it. Slowly he edged himself along, keeping a tight grip to the branch which swayed slightly in the gentle breeze. It wasn't long before he was close enough to grab the bread and turn round. As he did so, there was a distinct cracking sound.

Link: Oh dear…

The other two stared at Link, who had gone quite pale. Slowly Link edged his way back, being cautious not to make and sudden movements. Zelda could see the crack in the branch getting bigger and bigger with every action Link made. He was almost back, when he heard the one sound he had been dreading. A snap.

Link: Oh Farore!

The branch gave way completely and Link came down with it. It tumbled down the tree, bouncing and twisting between other branches all the way. Link on the other hand landed with a thump on a strong branch quite near the base of the tree. Which was all well and good, apart from one leg landed one side of the branch, the other leg over the opposite side. His eye's went so wide they almost came out of their sockets.

Link: Ulghtch…!

Ganondorf: Ooooh right in the family jewels!

Zelda: Link, are you ok? Link…? Answer me, oh please be ok. Is he ok?

Ganondorf: I doubt it.

Link had fallen to the floor, and lay there staring up into space, not aware of anything going on around him. Zelda waved her hand in front of his eyes, but this had no effect.

Zelda: Oh my gosh !What's wrong with him? Why won't he make any response? Is he dead!?

Ganondorf: No he's breathing. Just blacked out.

Zelda *Made a cushion for his head out of her shall* Will he be ok?

Ganondorf: Given time maybe. Just be a bit of a shock, that's all. That looked so bad…

Link gradually came round and blinked a few times, then rolled his eyes. He didn't move. When he spoke his voice was very faint and wispy.

Link: You don't know the pain…

Ganondorf: I have a fairly good idea *Cringed again*

Link: Water…need…water…

Zelda: I have some here, take it. Shall we go back to the house. You can have a proper rest.

Link: Yes…

Ganondorf jumped up one of the trees to find out which way to go. After scanning the scene for a moment, he knew which way to go.

Zelda: Right, I'll help you stand up.

She pulled Link onto his feet, but he fell back on his knees

Link: Can't…walk…

Zelda: Oh, I'm sure you can once you've stood a moment.

Ganondorf: Actually, he probably can't. Not to worry, I can carry him.

He Lifted Link and over his shoulder.

Ganondorf: Right let's go.

He snapped his fingers and the two of them instantly disappeared.

Zelda: Oh thanks for just leaving me.

Ganondorf then appeared again, grabbed her arm and teleported them both away.


*** *** *** Day 12 *** *** ***


Day Twelve early morning;
And all through the house;
Nothing was stirring;
Not even a mouse;
(Or a centipede)

With no signal no warn;
A Pirate's charm glows;
In the earl of the dawn;
And no-body knows.

Within this residence;
The first one to arise…
Ok annoyance I sense;
To the norm I will strive!

No, seriously. I'll stop now! (I'm annoying myself, if not any of you.)

Ganondorf, being downstairs and nearest to the seating area, where Link left the pirate's charm, slowly aroused slowly from his slumber. And being the `early bird' that he was, he sighed, stretched, and turned over to go back to sleep. However the noise coming from the charm kept him awake. As he really didn't want to get up, he tried to take no notice and go to sleep. But then rolled over and fell out of bed.

Ganondorf: *Mumbled* Stupid charm thing.

He got to his feet, and banged his head on the ceiling

Ganondorf: Stupid low roof.

Eventually, he managed to find the pirate's charm, which was rested on the woven table.

Ganondorf, who was still half, or actually, almost fully asleep as was the case, picked it up angrily.

Ganondorf: What the hell do you want now?

Rauru: Well, somebody got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

Ganondorf: No. Thanks to you and your stupid stone thing, I fell out of the wrong side
of bed this morning. And I wouldn’t annoy me if I were you.

Rauru: Oh, well. Just to tell you this is your last day and you're expected back in
Hyrule this evening. Go and tell the others.

Ganondorf threw the Pirate's charm up the narrow, steep stairs.

Ganondorf: You bloody-well tell 'em yourself. I'm going outside.

So out he went, punching the door down rather than opening it.

* * * A few minutes later * * *

Link had left Zelda to talk to Rauru and wandered outside, stepping over what was
left of the door. He went over to see the horses. There were many small birds on the ground, pecking away at the dust. Suddenly they all fluttered away as Arravis came charging over to see Link, then noticing he had nothing for him, charged away again. Link watched the birds as they darted round the tree-tops. He then noticed Ganondorf sat on the roof.

Link: What the hell are you doing up there?

Ganondorf: *Clenched his teeth* Not being noticed.

Link: Oh, might I ask why?

Ganondorf: No, because you haven't noticed me.

Link: Ok now I'm confused.

Ganondorf jumped down from the roof and landed by Link.

Link: Er…hello. I didn't notice you there. Did you get out of the wrong side of bed
this morning? You seem a bit moody.

Ganondorf: No, I fell out of the wrong side that bed after being woken up by that
stupid charm thing and then whacked my head really hard on that stupid low ceiling
so yes I am a little flight.

Link: Oh. How can you become un-moody?

The Gerudo jumped back up and landed gently on the roof.

Ganondorf: By sitting on my own on the roof and relaxing, possibly catching up on some shut-eye as it's only quarter past eight in the morning. And not being noticed.
A few moments later Zelda came out, picking her way over the broken door. Link was stood gazing round, wandering what to do.

Zelda: Link. Why, is the door, lying on the floor in pieces?

Link: I er…couldn't find the key. So I had to kick it down. I did look for it but couldn't find it so…

Zelda: Link, there isn't a key. The door doesn't lock.

Link: Oh. Well that explains why I couldn't find the key.

Zelda: Link, you broke the door!

Link: Oh well, it's not like we're staying here much longer anyway. Come on, let's go have a game of cards.

They both went and sat at the table. Zelda got out her set of playing cards and dealt them out.

Zelda: Have you seen Ganondorf anywhere? He's not in the house.

Link: No. I haven't noticed him anywhere. Nope, nowhere whatsoever. Not at all. I
have absolutely no idea where he could possibly be.

Zelda: Are you lying?

Link: No not at all. Why would I lie. Do you think I'm the type of person who'd lie?

Zelda: Well not usually. But you have been acting strange this morning. And you've been acting different from usual this holiday.

Link: What? Me, a liar? I am offended!

He slammed his hand down on the cards.

Link: SNAP!

Zelda: Hey you distracted me, how can you win that pile?

Link: Because I put my hand down and I said snap first.

* * * About an hour later * * *

They were all outside enjoying the warm sun and gentle breeze. Ganondorf had
decided to come down off the roof and let himself be noticed again. He was in a much better mood. He and Link were both having a game of five's and Zelda was again reading her book.

Link: I win!

Zelda: Well I'm glad your feeling better.

Ganondorf: *Cringed* That must have been so painful…

Link: It was. Like, no pain I've ever felt before.

Zelda: Yes, well to change the subject. I'll read you some of my book. It's called `The Love of Zayolin'. Zayolin is a wandering princess who falls in love with a mysterious stranger named Sonal, but her father won't allow them to be together so they run away together, finding true happiness within each other.'

Link: *Sarcastically* Oh how romantic.

Ganondorf: I think I’m going to throw up…

Zelda: Well then, I'll begin…

Ganondorf: Please don’t.

But she did. And she kept on reading and reading. Of course, Link and Ganondorf gave up listening after less than two minutes. After a while Link, rather than asking her to stop, picked Zelda up and threw her in the pool. This was followed by a push from Ganondorf, causing Link to fall in after her.

Ganondorf: Hahaha

As Ganondorf turned away, Link snatched his leg and dragged him in too.

Link: If only we had a ball.

Zelda: Yes, we could play games with that. Or one of those things with air in that you
float on. Wouldn't that be nice on the last day of our holidays.
They both looked at Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Ok, ok I'm going already. *Teleported into the town*

Link: Why I thought he'd never go…

Zelda: That was exactly what you were planning, wasn't it.

Link: Yes.

Ganondorf soon re-appeared with 4 beach balls, 3 lilos and 3 inflatable rings.

Link: It'll take ages to blow all these up…

Ganondorf: Now you're just taking advantage, but what the hell.

He clapped his hands three times and all of them were inflated.

They all splashed around in the pool for some time. Link and Zelda had a race to see who was fastest on the lilo. Link won easily. The three of them also had competitions to see who could stand up the longest on their lilo and who could balance on the inflatable tyres the most amount of times. With the tyres they also played tag, target practice (throwing each other into the centre of the rings. Zelda threw the rings onto the other two, as she couldn't lift them) and Link gave Ganondorf a wrestling match on the lilos and they both ended up almost everywhere apart from the on lilos. They then played `piggy in the middle' with the beach balls, after Link insisted in showing off with his juggling skills and after that, just messed around for a while. By the time they came out the pool, they were quite, quite tired. They were all relaxing in the heat when Rauru reminded them they had to return the horses to the farm. And wouldn't stop `reminding them' hoping it would annoy them into doing it. It didn't. Link only threw the charm to the bottom of the pool under the waterfall so the sound of Rauru was, quite literally, drowned out.

* * * Later * * *
They were gently hacking up the road, heading to the farm where they got the two ponies from. Zelda didn't want to give them back. She wanted to keep them.

Zelda: I'll miss you. I'll always remember you, and I think you're so lovely. I really, really don't want you to go back. Oh Link do we have to take them back?

Link: I'm sure she'll be ok. You'll see, when we get back to Hyrule and you have Minstrel again you won't miss Filika.

Zelda: Yes I will. I haven't had a girl horse before.

Link: She lives here though and this is what she knows. She'll be happy here.

Zelda: She might not be. The other horses might be nasty to her. And then she'd be miserable.

Link: Don't be silly, I'm sure everything will be fine. Anyway, we're here now.

They came slowly through the entrance, where they were met by the same man as before. He was happy to see them, but backed away when he saw Ganondorf. Link handed the reins of his horse to the man, and gave Perry a pat.

Link: Good lad. Good lad. *Turned to Zelda and spoke gently* It's time to say goodbye to Filika now.

Zelda: But…I don't want to say goodbye.
A tear rolled down her cheek.Link took the pony off her and handed it to the farmer. Zelda looked away and swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears more. Link went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder and walked her away. As soon as they were back out on the road, she burst into tears.

Link: There there, it's all right.

Zelda: *Wiped tears from her eyes* But it's not. I'm going to miss her loads and you
don't understand. We got on really well. Minstrel's nice and safe to ride but in the stables he's mean and Impa has to be in with me all the time. It's like Minstrel's some sort of object which isn't mine and I can't be trusted with it. But with Filika it's different. She was so friendly and safe to be around. She kept nudging me for cuddles and adores attention. She might not get much attention there or he might not have time for her. Oh Link I love that pony so much I can't bear to think of her unhappy. I just…love her so much. She started crying again.

Zelda insisted the three of them went back to the farm so she could say good-bye properly. Link, feeling sorry for her agreed. Ganondorf also followed on Arravis, who was once again, trotting sideways. He had offered her a ride on Arravis as consolation, but, as the stallion was back to his usual self, Zelda had declined, politely. As they approached, they saw Filika tethered to the tree.

Zelda: Oh no her foot is tangled in the rope! And he hasn’t even taken her saddle off in this heat!

They were about to go and help when they saw the farmer storm over to her, shouting and waving his arms furiously. The pony veered away with fear. The man continued to rave at it, regardless that the gentle pony was terrified as he untied it and dragged it over to a different tree, where he tied the rope very short.

Zelda: Oh my poor darling. *Almost started to cry again* She didn't mean to get tangled in the ropes he didn't need to do that. Link, he's hitting her. She's frightened. Do something Link.

Link: What am I to do? Even if you could keep it, he wouldn't let you.

Ganondorf: *Dismounted and handed Link the reins.* Hold him.

Link: Where are you going?

Ganondorf: Allow me to teach you the art of stealing a horse. Now - observe.

He walked over to the farmer, who was still raving at the horse which was desperately trying to get away in fear, and tapped him on the shoulder. The man spun round, still shouting and raging on. He soon quietened down as he stared up at Ganondorf, who towered over him. Ganondorf held out his hand.

Ganondorf: The horse. Now.

The man just stood and stared, too frightened to move, as Ganondorf's orange, burning, eyes were piercing his soul with their evil glare.

Ganondorf: I said NOW.

He punched the man in the ribs, snatched the reins out of his hand and lead the pony away.

Link walked over and gave the man a glare. Zelda ran over to Filika and threw her arms around her neck.

Link: How dare you abuse such a beautiful animal.

Zelda: Oh my darling you're safe now.

Link: What the hell will your dad say when you bring home a horse?

Zelda: Oh, I'll just tell him it's a souvenir.

She then began untying the other horses.

Ganondorf: Well look at you the little Princess-turned-horse rustler.

Zelda: We can’t leave them here if that man is going to abuse them like he did Filika.

Link: Ok so what is your dad going to say when you bring home a herd of horses!?

Zelda: Oh, I’ll just call them souvenirs. Let’s go.

They were heading toward the town when a crowd of people carrying all kinds of weaponry (pitch forks etc.) came marching up the road toward them. Everybody stopped. Link recognised a few of the faces near the front. There were the people from the beach, a few shop keepers and the owner of the restaurant they had eaten at in town. They were all angry. One of them called out, and then they all began shouting.

Link: Are they shouting at us?

Zelda: I think so. And waving their weapons at us. That's not good.

Link: I reckon I could take them on.

He then noticed that practically the entire town was backing the mob

Link: Well perhaps not. Change of plan. Run!

And that's what they did. Followed by the heard of horses. And then the mob in hot pursuit.

Ganondorf: I think maybe you shouldn't have threatened to kill those people, Link.

Link: Well it seemed like a good idea at the time.

At that moment a crowd of people appeared in front of them from the other direction.

Zelda: News travels fast round here. That really doesn't bode well for us.

Link: Left! Go left through the trees.

Zelda: We're back at the farm. And I don't think he's pleased to see us.

Ganondorf: Usually, I'd just kill off a few of them to scare the rest away.

Link: And supposing that just made the rest of them even angrier?

Ganondorf: Kill the rest of them.

Zelda: No not here. Not that many people. Not any of them. Oh hell’s bells there's more in front of us.

Link: Go right. Go right! Man, they get everywhere.

They galloped through the trees, but everywhere they went, the mob seemed to get there first. They obviously knew the place well and knew all the short-cuts.

Ganondorf: Erm Link, we may have a slight problem ahead of us…

Link: What could be worse than the one behind us?

Ganondorf: *Pointed in front of them* That one.

Link turned to where he was pointing. He gasped in horror.

Link: Oh this is not the place for a cliff. It's just not the place.

He knew he didn't actually want to hurt anyone, but this could mean he would have
to. The only other option would be…no that definitely wasn't going to work.
Arravis skidded to a halt at the edge, followed by Filika and the rest of the herd.

Zelda: Now what? Link what shall we do?

Link: First of all, stay calm. Second of all. Prepare to fight.

Zelda: Link we can't! There's too many of them and I don't know how to fight.

Ganondorf: Well now would be a good time to learn.

He and Link drew their weapons. Link went and stood in front of Zelda, then handed her a sword.

Suddenly the mob charged forward. The three of them stood their ground. (Not like they had a choice anyway). Link charged his sword and at the last moment let loose with a spin slash, knocking many back and to the ground. Ganondorf leapt into the air and then crashed down his fist to the ground, radiating a wave of energy from the impact. Arravis, now without a rider, charged forward and drove back the crowd. Zelda herded the horses as away as far as she could. Link and Ganondorf continued to fight hard. Link was also using his shield to fend people off. It was complete chaos. No matter how many they managed to drive away, more seemed to attack. Link tried not to actually kill anyone, just hit them back. Ganondorf didn't care if he killed them or not.

Link: *Amidst the fighting* I can't believe I'm actually fighting for you, rather than against you.

Ganondorf: Was thinking the same thing. Life really is full of surprises.

Zelda was still keeping as far away as possible. She buried her head in her hands.

Zelda: Oh no, if only we could get away we wouldn't need to fight.

She then looked round and saw a bluish glow in the sky. She couldn't see what it was, but soon realised it was a vortex. She called out to Link. He and Ganondorf looked round briefly.

Zelda: Come on lets get out of here!

Rauru: Well don't just stay there, get back to Hyrule now before you kill off the island!

Ganondorf mounted his horse and pulled Link into the saddle. The vortex then disappeared and reappeared in front of Zelda. She urged the horses on, but they wouldn't go through. Link jumped down from Arravis and grabbed hold of Filika and pulled her through. The other horses followed. The vortex disappeared again as some people tried to jump through.

Link: You can't just leave Ganondorf there.

Rauru: Why not? We want rid of him, remember?

Zelda: Oh so you're just going to leave the other world with him? In the place where they have absolutely no way of stopping him? Then you're evil if you do that. He doesn't care abut killing every single one of those people. As far as he is concerned, he's in a battle and as I'm sure Link is aware, in battles the aim is to defeat the enemy even if that means killing them.

Rauru: Oh rats I should have thought…

The vortex appeared again and Ganondorf and Arravis charged into it. It then closed behind them, leaving the rest of the of people behind. Totally baffled.

*** *** * * * Chamber of Sages * * * *** *** ***

Rauru: Well now that you're all here. I DEMAND AN EXPLAINATION!

Link: About what?

Rauru: EVERYTHING!!
Link: Well er…you see um. They were angry and were going to kill us if we didn't
fight back and so we had to or else we'd be killed.

Rauru: And why were they angry at you?

Link: A mob is always angry, that’s why it’s called a mob.

Rauru: EXPLAIN. NOW!

Ganondorf: Hey what the hell has that got to do with you? Sticking your freggin nose in where it's not wanted. Acting as though you have authority over us. Expect us to tell you everything do you? First of all, it's none of your business and secondly, get out of where you're not wanted. Back off old timer and stop nosing around other people's lives just because yours sucks.

Rauru: How dare you speak to me like that! I am the Sage of Light, a highly respected figure.

Ganondorf: I'll speak to you how I want.

Link: Rauru, just calm down. You're not our parents. Remember that. Besides, he has a damn good point. It's all over now and there's nothing you, or I can do about it. Ok so we don't act all goodie-goodie all the time, but what the hell. Nobody’s perfect. If I want you to know what happened, I shall discuss it with you. But as I don't, I wont. Get over it, moments passed get on with life. After all, it could all end soon. For you it probably will.

Rauru: What? Link I expect better from you.

Zelda: Rauru, just let it go. It's done now, nothing we can do to change it so let it go. You're so serious all the time! Hey, we live our own lives. You live yours. Notice how they are different things, and some parts of life are meant to be kept apart from one another.

Rauru: Oh I don't have to take this kind of behaviour from anybody. Go home, the lot of you. Get out of my sight.

So they all left. Link strolled straight past Rauru and didn't even look at him. Ganondorf lead his horse on foot, and purposefully knocked into Rauru, who fell backwards. Zelda trotted besides them blissfully on Filika, followed by her new friends.

Link: *Turned to Ganondorf* I saw that.

Ganondorf: What?

Link: What you put down his back. And after he let you go on holiday and everything. That's just not nice.

Ganondorf: And your point is? I said I wouldn’t forget, and I didn’t. Besides, I have a reputation to maintain here…

Link: Yes of course, you’re King of Evil again. How could I forget…

Rauru: What did he just do? Is there something….AAAAAARGH there is! Get it off get it off!

He ran round in circles trying to shake it off his back.

Rauru: I was going to let you use the vortex to get back….but now you can all walk!

Zelda: Oh great now we have to walk. Thank you Ganondorf.

Link: Yeah, nice going. It's a long way back from here and now thanks to you we have
to walk. It'll take ages and I'm already tired. I hope you feel bad now we're going to be all worn out by the time we get home.

Ganondorf: Correction. You two have to walk.

He teleported back to his castle.

Zelda: Oh that's just mean. He'll come back for us when his conscience gets to him. Just leaving us in the middle of nowhere. He'll feel bad and come back for us.

He re-appeared for a moment.

Ganondorf: Guilt is not an emotion that I feel.

He disappeared again.

Zelda: Well I see he's back to his normal self.

Link: Yup, back to the status quo.

Zelda: Here, have a pony to ride. I have lots. Now lets go home.

Link: Well how about that. After all what's happened, all that we've done, and getting on so well together. Back here. THINGS JUST HAVEN’T CHANGED!