They Are My Noble Masters Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Virtua Fighter Fan Fiction ❯ Nodoka 2/1 ❯ Chapter 06 - The Art of Making Love ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

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Nodoka 2/1

The Chroma Series

Act 0 Part 06

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DISCLAIMER

Most of the characters and other elements are owned by people who are not me, though I did make up a few here and there... but none of the main ones. The rest are owned by many talented people, and a few faceless corporations, such as Rumiko Takahashi and Sega respectively (and many others). Bla bla bla, don't sue me, it's a waste of your time, and resources, I have nothing.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

This chapter gets a bit more limey, fair warning.

Special thanks to my "Agent" and "Publicist" Hiryo, for proofreading, prodding, posting advice and so much more.

Please remember that the Omake are not part of the main story, and are mostly not real, they are just for fun.

I did not really have much to say at first, but apparntally I need to point this out, most of the stuff in this story are not my views, but rather, what I (and others) felt would happen in this situation, so, The views presented are those of the characters, and no one else. I do not really mind hate mail, but if you are going to wish me dead, at least have the courtesy to tell me why, thank you very much. ;)

Now I will just say, 'thank you for reading'! I hope many of you are still enjoying this work of fiction.

"Speech"

'Thought'

/Mandarin/

\Cantonese\

{Author's Notes & *Translations* Feel free to skip these}

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GLOSSARY (from the last chapter)

Yuan - Chinese unit of currency

Sarashi - a 'wrap' that goes around the waist or chest

Pien Fu - A fancy Chinese dress

Changshan or Dagua - lit. 'long shirt', male equivalent of a qipao or cheongsam

Cheongsam or Qipao - body-hugging one-piece Chinese dress for women, can range from ankle to hip length, long sleeve or none, and come in many styles and colors

Rijichou - board chairman

Zui Quan - the Drunken Fist; Drunken Boxing; Drunken Kung Fu; Etc.

O tanjo-bi omedetogozaimasu - Happy Birthday (tanjo-bi - birthday)

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CHAPTER 06

The Art of Making Love

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'Dear Nabiki-chan, Kasumi-nee-chan and Fubuki-chan,

The more than a year we have spent training with Shun-sensei is over. Even Ryoga was able to pass, barely. His balance has really come along. Sensei gave us calabashes or 'bottle gourds', each marked with a virtue that 'matched us'. My mother received Li for 'Propriety' or 'Etiquette', Ukyo received Zhong for Loyalty, and Ryoga received Yi for his sense of 'Justice'.'

Nabiki stopped reading at this point, and they all looked surprised, wondering why he left his own out. "What the hell, what 'value' did he get?"

"Maybe he was too embarrassed to say, Nabiki-chan."

"We could ask Ukyo-sama, but that would mean waiting until they stop somewhere again."

"That's a good idea, Ukyo-chan is sure to tell us, she loves to talk about her 'Ranchama' after all." All three of them giggle at her impression of Ukyo. Nabiki once again thought that the micro-cassette recorder was well worth it. Her collection of tapes had grown tremendously. She couldn't bring herself to tape over any of them. "Well, unless it says later on, we are in for a long wait. Let's see what else it says."

'Shun-sensei was quite pleased with the variation of his style I improvised, Drunken Capoeira, or Drunken Dance, as I prefer to call it. It was a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, that we are leaving, of course, means I will not be able to get my mail again for a while. We have heard of a temple we may try, and we keep hearing stories of a group of 'warrior women' far to the south, I think we will he trying to track them down and hope we can learn from them as well. Rumors have it, that if outsiders can prove themselves, they may be allowed to train with them. We hope so anyway, their techniques are legendary in some places around here.

Congratulations on the singing competition, you deserve it, and Happy Birthday, Kasumi-onee-chan! How does it feel to be fifteen? I don't know when the concert is/was, but I hope you enjoy/enjoyed it, and that Nabiki-chan has been able to get the tickets for you by now.

I am surprised you chose to market the mini-me as the Kasumi-chibi's boyfriend, but if it helps you girls out, I supposed I am happy about it. I am glad they are selling well. I am glad to help you girls in any way I can.

-Ranma

P.S. Are one of you sending me 'love letters' in 'pretty pink envelopes'? Ucchan's not doing it, and they are in Japanese, so it's not likely to be local. I don't really figure you are, but I had to ask, I don't know too many other people. Mom just keeps saying how manly I am to be getting anonymous love letters, but that doesn't help me figure out who this 'Secret Admirer' is... It feels like someone is playing a joke on me, because they are not coming in the normal mail, it's really weird. Oh well, maybe now that we are moving on it will stop, take care.'

Kasumi was blushing at the complement and the thought of her doll dating, but wasn't thrilled with the idea of someone else sending love letters to him, not that she could think of any good reason for those thoughts. Maybe she was getting ahead of herself because of her toy dating his. 'That must be it.' Then the picture Ukyo had sent them of Ranma in the bath flashed in her mind again, and she was so embarrassed at the things she had done while thinking of that image, she ran out of the room to hide her embarrassment. With the other girls running after her, thinking she might be crying, wanting to make sure she was all right. Which, of course, made her run even harder to get away.

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The sky was darkening as our adventurers stopped to set up camp in the northern mountains of China. The tents were popped, the fire was blazing, and the tea was brewing. When all of a sudden, they heard Ukyo's scream, which was getting further away. Ranma was immediately in the air. With a shout of "UCCHAN!", he was bounding from tree to tree in the direction of the scream.

Knowing it would be too difficult to keep Ryoga from getting lost in a high speed chase, and not wanting tie him to something to keep him from wandering off, Nodoka reluctantly stayed to 'help him guard the camp'. Ranma would have been slightly annoyed with this, but he had more important things on his mind, such as the safety of his best friend who had only gone off to relieve herself a few moments before.

After a few moments of chase, Ranma saw his friend, who appeared to be in a princess carry with no one holding her, as she flew through the air, rather low to the ground. Ranma built up his ki, preparing to use his Jan Kenpo Net as soon as he could get into range. Not an easy feat, as she was moving almost as fast as he. He spared more of his ki to pour into his legs, and really cranked up the speed. With one last burst, he closed enough of the distance that he felt they would not get out of range before he could perform his technique. He planted his feet firmly on the ground, took up his stance, and yelled, "Jan, Ken, PO!", as he slapped his open hand into his other and pulled. The energy net wrapped around Ukyo and halted her progress, but the content of his 'net' was bulkier than he expected, and was resisting him. Aura blazing, Ranma pulled with all of his might on the ki rope that connected him to his construct, when it finally gave way to his efforts.

Ranma jumped to intercept his 'net' so as to protect the contents from a nasty spill as he released his hold on the 'net', caring only for what was inside. As Ranma caught Ukyo, he felt something grab his ankle, trying to slam him into the ground. He twisted his body, so that he took the impact, cushioning the blow for Ukyo, saving her from even getting a bruise.

Ukyo took a moment to pull her panties and pants back up, as they were still around her ankles, and said, "Be careful Ranchama, there are several of them!" Before Ranma could react, he was sent flying as he was struck with a double fisted attack to the chest.

"What the hell hit me? /Who's out there?/"

"/Oh, so you DO speak a proper language and not just that gutter speak. Either way, you will not take our 'ding'. If you try to stop us, you will die!/" With that, the disembodied voice struck again, with what was intended as a foot to the jaw.

Luckily, for Ranma, he was able to block, as he was ready for the attack this time. "Stay back Ucchan! /I don't know what the hell you mean by 'ding', but if you intend to take my friend, you will find we are not such easy targets./" Ranma closed his eyes as his battle aura grew, feeling out as much of the area as he could. As soon as he felt his attacker's presence, he launched into his own attacks, hoping that if his foe was used to attacking people who could not see them, their defenses would be weak.

This assumption proved correct, as it went down fairly easily. Unfortunately, before it hit the ground, Ranma sensed two more attacks coming his way. Not knowing what kind of attacks they were, or if they could be blocked, and knowing that if he just jumped out of the way, Ukyo would be in danger, he ran straight for her, took her up in his arms, and jumped as far as he could. He avoided the attacks, and deposited his friend gently to the ground, saying, "Ready?" She nodded as they turned toward their foes, auras blazing, and unleashed a volley of ki cards and kote in that general direction, several of which hit home. Not sensing the first one he had knocked out, Ranma rushed over to the two nearby, and began to treat them like a piece of meat that needed tenderizing as he tied them up like a roast with his twine.

"/So what the hell do you think you are doing, and what is a 'ding'?/"

"/You will learn nothing from us!/"

"/Really? Because, I happen to know several pressure points that will make you feel pain as you have never known, as though every nerve ending you have is on fire, for the rest of your life, or until the counter is done. Or, if you prefer, I know at least two others that can cause permanent impotence, another that can make you go blind, .../" The ground under the twine that appeared to be wrapped around air, seemed to get rather wet...

"/OKAY! I'll talk! We are Daoists, following the teachings of Zhang Sanfeng./" As the man spoke, he and his compatriot slowly faded into view.

"/Your other 'partner' said 'I would not take your 'ding' from you', seemingly referring to my friend here. The only word I can think of that sounds like that is for a cauldron, so what the hell are you talking about?/"

"/Vessel, it is what we call a female sexual partner, and she is of the highest rank!/" As the man spoke this time, their other partner tried to sneak up on the group, to either help, or silence his 'partners', when the pre-teens noticed his presence. Ukyo, not happy with the whole affair, took up her own Jan Kenpo stance shouting, "Jan, Ken, Po!" This caused a large ki 'Rock' to crash down upon the invisible man, creating a deep, round depression in the ground, with a man shaped impression below it, returning the man to sweet oblivion's embrace.

Ranma quickly tied the third one up as well and turned back toward the talkative member of their group. "/Well, go on.../"

"/It is our path to immortality, by having sex with virgins, the younger the better. The highest rank are those who have not yet begun their 'cycle'./" Before the outrage could even begin to show on their faces, the other conscious member's mumbling had paid off, his spell completed. His body shrunk, as he changed into a snake, and began to slither away. Ukyo started throwing her ki kote after the snake, until it slithered into a hole, missing part of its tail, as Ranma had been hitting the 'sleep spot' in the chatty man's shoulders, knocking him out.

"Kuso! He got away!"

"I would have knocked him out sooner, if I had known they could do that. Well, what do you think we should do? They were after you after all. We obviously can't camp here now, there have to be more of them, somewhere."

"Well, I don't exactly want to just let these guys go, but we are not exactly close to a town."

"Despite the fact that I believe the punishment for raping a girl under thirteen here is life in prison, I am not sure a normal jail would hold them."

"Yeah, and what would the cops think if we try to warn them? 'Oh, and hey, these guys can turn invisible, and change into snakes and stuff.' They would think we were nuts and not believe our accusations either."

They both laughed a bit, at the thought, "Well, let's drag them back to camp, maybe mom will know what to do. No need to be gentle."

"Anything you say Ranchama!" Before he could pick one of them up, Ukyo leaned in to stop him, kissing him on the lips, before saying, "Thank you Ranchama, they caught me off guard, I was so ...'busy', I wasn't able to do anything. As always, Ranma-sama, you are my hero! That is why this 'ding', will always belong to you!"

Ranma blushed as he hugged his friend, before they lifted their burdens to roughly drag them back to camp, where they explained what happened to Nodoka. The look on her face was one of which none of them ever wanted to be on the receiving end, they occasionally had nightmares about it for years after.

"Ryoga-kun, do NOT leave camp, start packing things up, we will not being staying the night. Ranma-kun, take Ukyo-chan to the river to wash up. I am going to wake these fellows up and have a nice little 'talk' with them about how to treat a lady." She grabbed each one by the ankle and began to drag them out of earshot before waking them up.

The children all did EXACTLY as instructed. Ryoga began to pack up the camp and refill their bottle gourds, and Ranma and Ukyo went to the river to get cleaned up. None of them wanted to incur the wrath of Nodoka. She was scary.

On the way to the river, Ukyo asked, "Ranchama, Why didn't you use that pressure point you talked about, the pain one, that lasts forever?"

"It was a bluff, they don't really last that long, usually long enough to get someone to beg you to stop though, and I hate using it. I don't like the idea of hurting someone like that. Even if they deserve it, like those guys. I did do the other one though..." Ukyo smiled a bit at that, as they continued toward the river.

When Ranma and Ukyo arrived at the river to wash up, who did they see, but their sphinx 'friend' from just over a year before. Who, upon seeing them, started to back away, slowly. Ranma spoke up quickly, "/Hey, look, if you won't attack us, I promise we will not attack you. As a matter of fact, I might have a way to make up for before./"

Cautiously, she asked, "/Oh? Really? What did you have in mind? I'll have you know, I got into a lot of trouble because of what you did!/"

"/Hey, I am sorry, but it's not like I could let you eat my friend. So, look, do you have a way to see things that are invisible?/"

"/I don't, no. Maybe one of the elders might. I am only a few hundred years old. I just barely got my own place! Maybe you would like to come visit some time? No, of course you wouldn't.../"

"/You will have to forgive me for being a bit leery of that offer.../"

"/Yeah, yeah, of course I would have to... It's been three years, I still haven't had a guest!/"

"/Um, well we were attacked by these guys, who wanted to do bad things to Ukyo here, but because they can use magic, and turn invisible, and into animals and stuff, we can't exactly turn them over to the police. Well, we thought maybe, just maybe, you might have an idea of something we could do. If you and your people would like to handle it, I have two of them, that mother is 'talking to' right now, who might be willing to give you directions to their home base which should be around here, somewhere. As you know, I do not like it when people threaten my friends, and the thought of what they were doing to young girls against their will, really makes me angry. Not so angry I want to kill, but enough that I really don't care what happens to them. Don't tell me what it is you plan to do, and guard Ukyo here for a minute, and I will get mom to hand over our two captives to your custody. Do we have a deal?/"

Looking a bit stunned, she asked, "/What are they doing to young girls?/"

"/What do you think? They are taking something precious, long before they are ready to give it away, and not to someone of their choosing./" Ranma whispered into her ear. "/And they said, 'The younger the better.'/"

"/I'LL KILL THEM!!!/"

"/Hey, I said not to tell me!/"

"/Sorry, it was just an expression./"

"/Just be careful, and don't go alone. I know you can handle yourself, but I don't know how many of them there are, and while their defenses are not very good, they have a lot of tricks up their sleeves./"

"/Okay, I will take them to the council. Let them decide./"

Ranma turned to run back to camp, but stopped, and said, "/I don't have to tell you what will happen if I return in a few moments and Ucchan has even a scratch from a thistle, do I? I am much better than I was when we last met, and I wasn't mad then./"

"/NO! It's no problem! She will be perfectly safe!/"

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From that day forward, they never answered 'nature's call', without someone to 'watch their back', while in that part of the country. They were also much more rigorous about using their ki to 'feel out' danger. Even going so far as to walk around with their eyes closed as they hiked for training. This had an added bonus of helping Ryoga go off course a bit less often.

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It was several months later before Ranma had received a response to his inquiry to the Tendo girls. Not until they had taken up in a temple with some Confucianists monks, were they able to get their mail forwarded, and even then, it was a few days journey to pick up by messenger. Once again, Ukyo also got a letter from the girls, even Ryoga got another one from his mother. Ranma was happy that his friends liked each other and got along, and that Ryoga was still keeping about as close of contact with his mother as he was before. Eventually, Ranma finally was able to listen to their response, as they chose to send a tape.

"Konichiwa Ranma-kun(-sama)!!!" The three girls all said at once (Fubuki, of course, added -sama instead of -kun).

Nabiki started off, "No, it was not any of us who sent you the 'love letters', were you waaaAAAnting us to send you some?" She asked in a playful tone, then her voice got a bit colder, "If that is the kind of 'thank you' you want from us, then I suppose," her voice regained his cute, happy tones, "We could do that ...if that's what you WANT us to do. Kasumi-nee-chan might be willing to do it anyway." She giggled.

"NABIKI-CHAN!!!!" Several giggles are heard in the background.

"Sorry Nee-chan, you just look so cute when you are embarrassed. It's just too bad Ranma-kun can't see it." *CLICK* "Oh, I guess he WILL be able to see it."

"Nabiki-chan!" More giggles were heard. Ranma paused the tape to look in the box for pictures.

"We noticed that you failed to mention what 'virtue' you were given, was that because you were embarrassed? Did you get something bad? You realize that by not telling us, our brains automatically jump to the worse conclusions. We don't want to, we have to. It's in the bylaws. Was it, 'Ill-tempered'?"

"Flawed?"

"Vise?"

"Defective?"

"Shortcoming?"

"Abusive?"

"How bad could it be, that you wouldn't tell us? We are your friends, and we will support you."

"We are going to find out one way or another, it's better to confess and get it over with, than to have us find out later."

"I am just curious, I would NEVER force you to tell ME Ranma-sama."

"HEY! That's not fair! Maybe Kasumi-nee-chan was right, maybe we SHOULD be sending our own tapes."

"But, Nabiki-sama, I thought you said THAT wouldn't be fair." Ranma could almost hear the sly grin on her face.

"Come now, let us not waste the tape, or Ranma-kin's time with arguing over this." *Click* This time it was a different kind of click, not a noise in the background. Then it picked back up, with Kasumi's voice again. "Sorry about that, Ranma-kun. Girl stuff. Yes, the concert was lovely, thank you very much. Between you and Nabiki-chan we all got to go, and it was wonderful.

"I am sorry they did that to your doll without asking, but I am glad you do not mind. The girls at the school all seem to love it. It is one of the fastest selling ones, we can barely keep them 'in stock', and it is making so many people happy. I am not sure which one of the four is selling the best, you will have to talk to Nabiki-chan for the details of that.

"Have the letters stopped yet? Or were you able to figure out who was sending them at least? If she likes you, then she must be a nice girl, so treat her well." There was a dip in her tone that point, but it was not easy to detect, and even harder for Ranma to fathom.

"I am sure that whatever virtue you received, if it fit you, was something nice. Such as kindness, generosity, integrity, (attractive)," said slightly under her breath, "or Brilliance."

Ranma had to pause the tape. He was blushing so hard that he could not concentrate. Despite the constant compliments he received from his mother and Ukyo, he was not used to getting them from other girls, and it took him by surprise, especially in light of the talk of love letters. He did not really know how to react. It was a good thing his mother was busy doing something, and not watching him.

Ranma relaxed a bit, and restarted the tape, "I cannot imagine him giving you anything less."

"All right Nee-chan, you want to give someone else a turn?"

"I suppose, if I must."

Ranma listened to the girls taking turns, chatting about whatever came to mind, for the rest of the ninety minute tape while he worked out.

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'Dear girls,

I know you will be disappointed that I am writing this letter, instead of recording a tape, but from where we are, tapes are hard to come by, and I just can't bring myself to tape over your massages. I have saved all of the tapes you have sent me, and since you never send me the same one back, I can only assume you are doing the same, so I hope you understand. We have come to a temple of monks, where we will be staying for a few months learning Tai Chi. Luckily this is not an order of silent monks, and some of the monks are teaching me more about Confucianism. Shun-sensei taught me some stuff about it, but I wanted to learn more, I find it very interesting.

Yes, Kasumi, it was "Integrity", and yes, I WAS embarrassed. Sorry, I just didn't think it was that important. There are a lot of things I don't always mention, like the sphinx, who stopped us and made us answer riddles, or be her dinner. They were easy riddles, but Ryoga couldn't get his. We had to fight her because her laws say if someone can't answer her, they are her dinner. But, she wasn't really a bad sort, she did help us later with a group of bad guys, who tried to do bad things to Ucchan (Don't worry, nothing happened). I really think she is just lonely, but it is not like we can risk paying her a visit, and it is not like we plan to be back in that area again anyway, but I feel bad for her. I would have gotten her address to send her letters, but it might have just gotten some poor messenger eaten if they were not careful.

O tanjo-bi omedetogozaimasu, Nabiki-chan! I have included a small carving of a small fox spirit, or Huli jing, that I got in the temple here, I hope you like it, and that your day is filled with joy. They assured me that it is not a magical statue, so I imbued it with my ki, in hopes that it would bring you luck.'

Ranma's letter went on for several pages, describing his adventures, his worries, and his hopes and dreams. The package included not only the statue he mentioned, but also new paintings of them, one for each of the four adventurers, with the stone temple as the backdrop. The two youths had a time deciding which of them would paint Ryoga, and which would paint his mother, with both of them preferring to paint Nodoka. Eventually Ranma gave in and painted Ryoga.

The girls were very impressed with the works, they were practically salivating at the painting of a shirtless thirteen year old Ranma standing on one hand, in lotus position, his eyes closed, and a peaceful look on his features.

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The next package Ranma received included a pack of blank cassettes and a small box of batteries.

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"Ranma-kun, I need to you to go get us some red beans and rice for dinner, and take Ryoga-kun with you. Ukyo-chan and I need to have some 'girl talk'."

She pulled Ukyo into the tent behind her as the boys left on their errand. "Congratulations, Ukyo-chan! Today you are a woman!" She took Ukyo into a bear hug, smiling broadly. "There are some things I need to explain to you."

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Ranma and Ryoga were returning to camp with their requested items, when they heard voices from his mother's tent. Not wanting to interrupt, they were as silent as they could be.

"...But Okaa-sama, if I do this, it makes me feel funny, like when Ranchama is giving me one of his special massages." Ranma blushed upon hearing that.

"That is a very good thing. Here, try doing it like this. Good. ...And put your other hand like this. Good?"

"Oh my!" Luckily, for Ryoga, he had not been with them when they received 'The Talk' from Kyoshi-sensei, and not having the required background information, he was not able to understand what was going on. That being the case, he was saved from a massive nose-bleed.

"There you go, as a lady, you will need to remember that. It is a skill you will need for the rest of your life. Now feel free to practice, I am going to see if the boys are back, so I can begin to make your celebratory dinner."

Ranma quickly straightened up and, before his mother emerged, said, "Tadaima!", not wanting anyone to know they had been listening.

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Akane was in tears, she had never failed a class before, and now, she was the first person in the history of the school to be expelled from the servant class program! Oh sure, unlike most people, she had the option to go to the upper class, but how could she show her face there again? Her normal response would have been to find someone else to blame it on, but she was having a hard time finding a scapegoat that even she could believe. She had gotten Maid Guy to promise that he would not interfere, and as far as she could tell, he had kept to his word. She had a bit of luck blaming the teachers for a little while, but it rang hollow to even her ears.

No one did anything to her. It had been all her and her alone. She tasted it herself, only after Mikan had fallen unconscious, and it was awful. It took every bit of her will to not join her teacher on the floor. No matter how she had tried to 'improve' on her assignments, they always failed her. Moreover, now she was not even allowed to go back! She was not allowed within fifteen meters of the kitchen, nor the home economics classroom. She was basically forbidden from entering that entire wing of the school!

Akane walked home with a virtual cloud of depression hanging over her head. Kogarashi saw Akane's mood, and thought to himself, 'It's worse than Maid Guy thought.' "Kukuku, Maid Guy will help you overcome your shortcomings, goshujin. It is only a little setback. In the future you'll show them what you really can do!"

"No one can help me, I am hopeless!!!"

"If goshujin follows Maid Guy's Rules of Cooking, you will surely succeed! This is Maid Guy's perfect service!!"

"You really think so?"

"Maid Guy knows so! However, you MUST follow the rules, EXACTLY! If goshujin can do that simple thing, I guarantee you will be able to prepare food that makes people happy!"

"Could it be that easy? I have been trying for years."

"Goshujin needs to learn, that working harder is not always better, you must work smarter!"

Akane was annoyed at what she interpreted as being called 'stupid', but she was so desperate, that she bit her tongue and agreed. "Okay, I promise!"

"You have no classes tomorrow, so after breakfast, prepare yourself, and meet Maid Guy in the Saotome kitchen when you are ready."

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After breakfast, Akane changed into her old school uniform, a maid's dress, with a frilly apron, and headed for the Saotome kitchen.

Upon entering the kitchen, she saw a large, laminated sign hanging on the wall. On this sign, were ten rules listed in very large letters.

'Ten Rules for Cooking Success.

RULE Number One, Always taste everything as you go!

RULE Number Two, Always stay calm, do not rush, and make sure to prepare your ingredients before you begin.

RULE Number Three, Always taste everything before you let others try it!

RULE Number Four, Never deviate from the recipe, until you know what flavors mix well with others.

RULE Number Five, Taste your food early, taste your food often.

RULE Number Six, Focus on your work, do not let anything distract you from your goal, but accept criticism when offered.

RULE Number Seven, Taste everything before you serve it.

RULE Number Eight, Cook with love, not anger.

RULE Number Nine, Do not serve food you have not tasted first.

RULE Number Ten, If it tastes bad, do NOT serve it.'

Akane was starting to get a bad feeling about her current predicament. She really hated having to be her own 'gunny pig'.

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Three days later, Akane had been released from intensive care. The buildup of 'food poisoning' had been so severe, that Doctor Tofu had to rush her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped, and it had taken her a while to overcome the effects of both the poisoning and the pumping.

Returning to the kitchen, she was ready to begin again, a bit more cautiously this time.

"Kukuku. If only you had an invincible steel body, like me, you wouldn't need to be afraid of any illness."

"Then why don't YOU be my taste-tester?!?"

"Because then you would learn nothing! Good goshujin should learn from their mistakes, failure is just an excuse to pick yourself up and try again. Remember, you are not ready to try to make up your own recipes. Follow Rule Number Four. Do not change anything from the recipe! You may be in distress, but Maid Guy, who looks in on your day-to-day life, is with you!"

Akane began again, this time far more cautiously, trying really hard to overcome her 'cooklexia', and use the correct amounts of the correct ingredients, so she would not have to repeat her recent experience with the .

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Before the end of the day, Maid Guy emerged from the kitchen, with black smoke billowing from the open doorway behind him. Akane followed soon after, carrying a tray of cookies, 'fresh' from the oven. Her skin was a faint shade of green, but she was holding in there. Her cookies were not at all round, and most of them were burnt in spots, the worst of which they had thrown away, but she had a slight grin on her face as she took them into the study.

She located her father and his best (only) friend, and plopped her tray of cookies right on top of their game board. Akane spoke in a cute voice that did not match the sickly look on her smiling face. "Otoooo-chan, Ojiiii-chan," They looked from the tray of cookies, then at her face, which quickly lost the smile is wore moments before, as she finished, "Eat!"

Both of the fathers were in shock, terrified at the prospects before them, desperately trying to find a path to freedom.

Always the quicker on the uptake, especially when it comes to saving his own skin, Genma spoke up first, "Well, Tendo-kun, old friend of mine, after you."

"Oh, no, I couldn't deprive you of that honor, it is your house after all, and I know how much you love treats!"

"Both of you, NOW!"

"Kukuku, Maid Guy assures you, you will be pleasantly surprised."

Both men looked up, seeing Maid Guy for the first time. They swallowed hard, and picked up a cookie. Breathing deeply, they tried to prolong the moment for as long as they could, but they could sense that Akane was losing her patience, quickly, and resigned themselves to their fates. They each took a bite of their cookie, chewed for a moment and swallowed. The cookies were not awful, they were not great, but they were edible. The men finished their cookie.

Soun was in tears, hugging Maid Guy's legs, bawling. "YOU SAVED MY DAUGHTER!!!! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU! YOU HAVE LIFTED HER CURSE! OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!" While Genma was eating, a SECOND COOKIE!

"OTOO-SAN!"

"The road of serving is, FILLED WITH DIFFICULTIES!!!"

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Akane was so proud of the 'Maid Guy Badge' she had been given for making barely edible food, that she wore it on her upper-class uniform, from then on, and Maid Guy continued to give her cooking lessons once a week.

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Ranma and company were traveling south, zigzagging slowly toward Hong Kong, when they got close to the city of Wuhan and heard a young sounding girl's scream. As usual, they were instantly in motion, running toward the sound, when they found a girl who was being attacked by several larger men, who had various weapons in hand. Not wanting to see the girl harmed further, they immediately jump to the girl's defense. Ukyo jumped in to protect the girl, as Ranma and the others made short work of the would-be hunters, with their very shiny swords, pitchforks, torches, and other strange-looking weapons.

"/Thank you so much, those men were trying to kill me!/"

Ranma jumped over to the girl, and picked her up. "/Do you need healing? Where is your home? We will make sure you get there safely. A girl your age shouldn't be out this late alone, there are many dangers about./"

"/My home isn't far, I was trying to collect berries for dinner./"

"/That is so sad, we will make you some food, please, just tell us where your home is, and we will take you there."

The girl gave them directions as Ranma carried her and used his healing technique to help speed her recovery.

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They arrived at the shack in the woods, it was a rather run down affair, that didn't really look very lived in. "/This is where you live?/"

"/Yes, thank you for helping, I am starting to feel much better, now that we are away from those bad men. Can you bring me inside?/"

Ranma turned to his companions, and asked, "Would you guys gather some food while I get her into bed, and start the cooking preparations?"

His 'family' agreed, and started foraging for ingredients, as he carried the girl into her 'home'.

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Ukyo was the first to return, carrying a bunny and some fruits and nuts she had found. When she approached the hut, she heard a commotion. She opened the door and saw Ranma, aura blazing, but in the embrace of very large serpent, with a pearl in its forehead.

Ukyo shouted, "RANCHAMA!!!!" and dropped her foodstuff at the sight, her own aura flaring up, as she started tossing her super-charged kote into its hide, well below where Ranma was being partly swallowed whole. The pain from being sliced by the powerful pancake turners caused the weresnake to drop her prey, a mistake if there ever was one, and turn toward the new danger. Said new danger, looked as though she was on fire, the moment Ranma was no longer in her mouth, however, she began beating on her with blazing fists of rage.

Ranma had come too from the surprise blow to the back of his head, to see his friend's righteous fury, as she beat down the bleeding serpent. Her fists were breaking bones wherever they struck, crushing its skull, and knocking it back into the fire, Ranma had made for cooking in the fireplace. The screeching sounds filled the area, unnerving almost everything in a ten kilometer range.

As soon as the charred body of the serpent was no longer making noise or moving, Ukyo began to calm down, and ran over to Ranma as they both began inspecting the other for any wounds. "Oh Ranchama, I was so scared! She didn't bite you or anything did she?"

"Thank you, Ucchan. No, I don't think so, how about you?"

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Moments later, the door burst open, reveling Nodoka who was dragging Ryoga by his leash, looking panicked, until she saw the two youths, on the floor, hugging each other amid the wreckage.

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After the latest audio letter from Ranma, Nabiki was really starting to doubt the sanity of her pen pal. While the other girls listened on in horror as he described one of his more recent 'encounters', she had really started to wonder what could make the boy tell such outlandish tales. Did he think they were that gullible? Looking over to her 'sister's expressions as they absorbed every word, she amended, 'Does he think that I am that gullible? Or did they seriously not find the opening for the suit, or pull off the mask? They might be great martial artists, but detectives they are not! Are they that gullible then? That doesn't speak well for him.' She had many things to consider, and wandered off in the middle of the 'listening party'.

Ranma was somewhat disappointed by the fact that her voice was strangely absent from the tape he received in reply to that one when he was finally able to retrieve them. She did return on the next tape, and apologized for her absence, but never said why she had not recorded a reply that week. Ranma, while hurt, did not feel it was polite to ask, if she wanted him to know, she would tell him.

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Several months later, while traveling through the Hunan province, when Ranma spotted a sign for a 'horse stance' contest, the prize being free lessons from the Ma School of Wushu. "Look at that, their name uses the same 'horse' character for 'Ma' that is in my name!"

"And a 'horse' competition. Oh, we HAVE to join this, Ranchama. How about you Puppy-chan, do you want to join too?"

"I guess so, if Okaa-san is joining too."

"Certainly."

"And look, the longer the contest lasts, the more advanced the lessons will be! I'm in."

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Several hours later, the four martial artists had gotten a room, and prepared themselves for the contest. They were lined up with many other potential students, many of whom looked unstable already. A short, middle-aged man in a green changshan, black pants and a black wide brimmed hat presided over the contest.

Within the first thirty minutes, more than half of the contestants had either dropped out, or fallen over, only a dozen or so remained.

Ranma looked up at the 'judge', and asked, "/Is this an 'anything-goes' competition?/"

The man laughed, "/If there is something you think you can do, that will not disrupt your stance, than I don't see why not, but if you lose it, you lose the competition./"

Ranma looked over at Ukyo and asked, "Are you ready to show them our Chaotic Horse stance?"

"Hai, Ranchama!" With that their auras flared up, which alone was enough to surprise a couple of the contestants into falling, and giving the judge a good laugh.

"/Well, it looks as if this contest just went up a notch! Very good, however, endurance and concentration are the most important aspects, not just being flashy./" He laughed again as he continued to take pictures, especially of the women.

Ryoga and Nodoka had to exert their own auras to keep from being pushed over by the pressure from the couple in the center, and a few others were able to do likewise, though not to the same extent. Ranma and Ukyo saw they were getting the desired result, and poured more effort into their auras, quickly expanding and retracting them, pushing out, and then drawing it back, creating a vacuum that pulled on the contestants, causing even more to drop out.

Before an hour had passed, the only contestants that remained were our four heroes, and calm returned to the air. Their auras remaining out just enough to prevent the small rocks being hurled by a few of the, literally, sore losers from hitting them.

After another hour had passed, our judge was growing bored. He had already taken as many panty shot pictures as he could manage. Ukyo was a bit young for his tastes still, and Nodoka was a bit too covered to get a good shot. "/Okay folks, it looks like we have a four-way tie! Everyone else, thank you for participating, and or watching, refreshments are being served in the main training hall, and be sure to wish my lovely daughter a happy birthday!/" Turning to the four remaining participants, he continues, "/Well now, what should I do with you four? I have to say, 'I am impressed', few people can pull off what you did. Oh, you can stand now, by the way. So, are you just interested in the free lesson, or were you looking for something else?/"

Ranma, used to being the spokesperson for the group, since his mother thought it was good 'manly' training, spoke up for them once again. "/Well shifu, we would be glad to learn anything you are willing to teach. We are traveling all over your lovely nation, learning anything we can, from anyone willing to teach their art to us. We are in no real hurry, although if you have any information on where we might find the village of Nujie Zu, we would be appreciative./"

{*Nujie Zu - The Mandarin pronunciation of the 'Amazons'. The Japanese pronunciation is Joketsuzoku. Literal translation is Female Hero Tribe.*}

"/Are you kidding? I've spent years trying to find that place! (Uh, don't tell my wife.) Either it is a legend, a myth, or they just do not want to be found. All I can tell you is that the legend says that they are located in the Bayankala Mountains, they say, near Qinghai, but no one has ever seen it. Well, no one who has ever returned, anyway./" The man gets a gleam in his eyes, and a sly grin on his face. "/They say, the village is full of beautiful women, who run around almost naked, with nary a man in sight ...oh, and their wushu is really good too. Assuming they exist outside of the fantasies of men (and a few women, for various reasons). So, um, I am Kensei Ma, and this is my family's school, and you are?/"

"/My name is Ranma Saotome, of the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts Diligence, and this is my mother, Nodoka, my future concubine, Ukyo Kuonji, and this fellow on the leash is our friend Ryoga Hibiki. My mother and I have been on a training journey for almost ten years, and we picked these two up along the way, Ucchan is an orphan, and Ryoga might as well be with how often he was able to see his parents, family curse./"

"/Your 'MOTHER'?!?!? If you don't mind me saying, and even if you do mind, you do NOT look like you could possibly have a child his age! You look a lot alike, so I just figured you were his cousin, older sister perhaps, but not mother. You look like if you had a child, it would have to be an infant, or maybe a toddler, considering how well you regained your figure. And you, Ranma was it? How old are you?/" Nodoka was blushing at the complements.

"/Fourteen next month./"

"/And you already have one concubine lined up, well done my boy, you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age./" He pulled out a small photo to show them.

"/He's right. You DO look an awful lot alike, Ranchama. You were quite cute, um, sir!/"

"/He looked like a girl.../"

"/I'll let you in on a little secret, Ryoga, was it?/" Seeing the boy nod, he continued, "/The ladies love it!/" He turned back to the group as a whole, and said, "/Well, if you are going to take classes with us, and we cannot have students like you taking the basic classes, you will train with my children, under my wife and I. I hope you will be staying a while, and if so, you might as well come in, have some food, and meet the family!/" The man bowed with his arm extended, pointing the way, before he lead them into the main hall.

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Ranma had quite a few 'letters on tape' waiting for him when they made arrangement to pick up their mail again.

Nabiki's club had been going rather well, and had grown, but this was her last year, and she would have to pick a new president soon. She had a few problems with one of the new transfer students, and her crazy laugh, which really was not all that uncommon in this school. One Kodachi Kuno, she was the cousin of one of her club mates, Penguin, but she was a pain. Nabiki felt sorry for the girl, having lost her mother recently, but from what she heard about the woman, that was actually a blessing in disguise.

Kasumi's job, working for the television station, had been going so well, they had expanded her roll, and she was doing a lot of spots, and even getting to sing occasionally. They even used her likeness for advertising spots. She had also been elected student body president, but to her own dismay, since she had not actually run for the seat, and to the annoyance of a few of her sempai.

Fubuki started working as her assistant as soon as she had entered high school, and was enjoying it a lot. They had done much to improve the relations between the classes, though she had to protect Kasumi from various attacks on her character from a few of the third year students.

His father's school was doing amazingly well, not only did they teach the many servant class students, but they also had most of the 'well to do' families in Japan wanting to have all of their servants trained by them. Their training was such a draw for the school that so many of the rich families pushed to have their butlers trained there as well. Thanks to which, Kaede had finally been allowed to make the school coeducational. At first they only wanted to allow males in the servant classes, but in the next year, males would finally be allowed to join the upper classes.

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Ranma was enjoying the sun and music as he laid with his head in Ukyo's lap, while she hummed and played music on her violin, when Renka and her siblings came over to see what they were doing. "/Hiya guys, what are you up to? Mind of we join you?/"

"/Of course, Renka. Ucchan, how do you feel about playing with Ma Dingling?/"

"/Ranchama, your ding-a-ling can play with me anytime. How do feel about Ma Kuchi?/"

"/Oh sure, I will play with your coochy anytime you want./" They, and Renka, all giggled.

The other two children both grimaced a bit at a variation of a joke they have heard from foreigners (especially the ones who spoke English), many times before, both thinking, 'Just let them get it out of their system...' It wasn't like they could blame them, it was funny, if anyone were to blame, it was their father, the pervert!

Knowing what her siblings were thinking, having been through this before, she explained, "/Mom named me, dad got to name them./"

"/Ranchama, I do hope you will take greater care in choosing our children's names./"

"/I will do my best, but I am not sure I can come up with anything funnier than that.../" If Ukyo had not been playing, she might have given him a light smack, one way or another, the others, not being sure if he was serious or not, gave him various looks themselves, ranging from surprise to incredulity.

"/We are just relaxing, did you have anything in mind?/"

"/You're both pretty good, we could spar, or you could show us one of your fancy techniques, and we could show you one of ours?/"

"/Sounds good, but I am rather comfortable, so, how about you guys go first?/"

The twins began, showing off some of the more advanced moves from the Shaolin styles, they didn't have much in the way of qi use, but they helped train the Shaolin, who come to their school to learn, so they were confident of their skills with it. It was an impressive display for ones their age. When they had finished, Ranma applauded, Ukyo would have as well, but her hands were busy with providing the background music.

"/Very nice, I love how you ended that with such flair. You two work very well together./"

Dingling spoke up first, "/Thank you Ranma./"

"/We are twins after all./" His sister added with a smile.

"/I guess that means it's my turn./" Renka got up, and placed a practice target out in the field, a good ways away from the others. "/I have only recently begun to master this one, but I am rather proud of it./" She built up her qi in her body, to power her attack, and reinforce her body as she shouted, "/Bake Renkangeki Suijin!!!/" Her body and fists blurred so fast it was hard to watch, as she pummeled the target from every direction. It was all over in a flash, as the target exploded into shrapnel. It was quite remarkable, until she yelled in pain, grabbing her arm.

Ranma was instantly on his feet, and ran over to check on her. He helped her over to where they were, and instructed her to lie down, as he focused his ki sight, looking for the problem. "/Dislocated elbow, but I do not see too much else damaged, give me a moment./" Ranma began to pump his ki into the affected area, to lessen the pain as much as he could.

Ukyo had stopped playing for a moment, and set her violin down, and held Renka's other hand, and said, "/This is going to hurt for a moment, squeeze my hand, it will help./" Renka did as instructed, preparing for the worst.

"/Are you ready?/" Renka nodded, and Ranma popped her arm back into place, soothing it as much as he could. "/There you go, it should begin to feel better soon. Don't do much with that arm for a while./" Renka let go of Ukyo's hand and began to relax as she realized that her pain was fading, and lightly flexed her arm a bit. Ukyo was shaking her hand, trying to get the feeling back into her digits. "/That was an amazing move, I hope when you recover you would be willing to show us how you learned it, but first, rest, I believe it is our turn. There are several moves I would like to show you, including our favorite game, but I am not sure that your qi is up to the task./"

"/Ranchama, can't you do that thing that you did to me, to boost their qi?/"

The Ma children all looked excited at this prospect, their family knew almost every Chinese martial art, so the prospect of learning something new, let alone better qi use, was something that they were eager to learn. ...Until Ranma said, "/Well, I could do some, but if you remember Ucchan, it took me months to get yours done as well as I did, and even then it wasn't perfect. I know more than I did then, but it would still take a long time, but I would be happy to begin treatments. Do you feel like you could do one yourself?/"

"/Oh, no, I am not as precise as you are, I would not be comfortable with the risk on something that important!/"

"/Then it will take longer. All right then, no problem. But first, we own you a demonstration, to show you one of the things you will be able to do once the treatments progress. Ucchan?/" He held his hand out, to help her to her feet, and they went passed the remains of Renka's target, and stood several meters away from each other. They turned to face one another, bowed, and took up their stances, as their auras flared to life. They played a few rounds of Jan Kenpo, shocking their audience, who had never seen qi made solid before.

The three children sat stunned, their mouths hanging agape, ad Ranma and Ukyo came back over, and sat down. Ukyo picked her violin back up, and began to play it once more, while Ranma began his treatments, starting with the twins. "/This will slowly build up your qi reserves, and help it flow and regenerate more quickly. This treatment must be done very slowly, and very carefully. It is very dangerous if done improperly, it can cause permanent damage, especially if done too quickly, you must gradually get used to it. You all have pretty good qi systems, and you do exercise them, so this will not be as hard as someone who is untrained, but the more treatments you get, the better the effect. I want you each to come to me, at different times, for about half an hour each day, as long as we are here. I still do these treatments almost every day on myself and the rest of us, to help us continue to improve./"

Ukyo was stunned, so much so that she had stopped playing. She had been completely unaware of this. "/You do?!?!?/"

"/Of course, Ucchan, you don't think the rate of progress we have made is natural, do you?/"

"/Well, I never noticed you doing it, is it while I am asleep?/"

"/Well, I do some during your after workout massage, and some more while I am brushing your hair, or sometimes when I carry you, though not as often these days, since most of those times tend to be when we are running from monsters.../"

"/Do the others know about this?/"

"/I had always assumed so, but then I figured you knew too, can't you feel me doing it to you?/"

"/Ranchama, when you are giving me a massage, or brushing my hair, I can't concentrate on anything! It feels so good my brain shuts down!/"

Renka looked over to where her sister was getting 'the treatment', and 'offhandedly' said, "/Boy, I sure could use a massage after that workout I just had... and you can brush MY hair anytime!/" She looked a bit hopeful.

Kuchi looked up from her place on the ground, and interjected, "/Me too! Will you brush my hair too?/"

Ranma gave them a warm smile. "/Sure, anytime you want./"

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After finishing the first treatment on the twins, he told them to go do a light spar, taking it easy, and see how they feel, adding that if she wanted to come back in a hour and brought a brush, he would fix her hair. They had decided to keep this a secret from their parents until they could show off the fruits of their labor.

As they ran off, Ranma told Renka that if she really wanted a good massage, she would either need looser clothing than her tight qipao, as the material would get in the way, and he could not get his hand under it, especially without him touching anything she probably did not want him to touch. She thought about this for a moment, and quickly disrobed to her 'skivvies'.

Seeing her choice, and how quickly she made it, Ukyo leaned over, and whispered into Ranma's ear, "You really ought to give her the special massage, the one that you practice on me all of the time. I guarantee that she will be really happy if you do."

Ranma whispered back, "Do you think so?"

"I know so."

"/What are you two whispering about in Japanese back there? You know my Japanese isn't very good./"

"/I was just convincing Ranchama to give you a very special treat, you are going to love it, I promise you. On the off chance that you do not, blame me, not Ranchama./"

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Ukyo did not know how right she was. Long before Ranma had reached the 'high point' of his massage, Renka was in complete bliss, she felt as if she were floating on a cloud, without a care in the world. She had had many massages in her young life, she was a member of a family of martial artists after all, and her father was an accomplished healer, but never had she felt like this. It was magical. Ranma seemed to know where she had tension better than she did, it was as if he could read like a book written in braille. His touch was firm, yet gentle, he did not need to use any strength to get the deep tissues, it was as if he could massage her to the bone. Her body felt like putty in his hand, that he could have molded into any shape he wanted, she would have done anything he asked, she would have agreed to sell her whole family, including herself, into slavery if it had meant he would let her enjoy this for just a while longer.

He did, in fact, let her, and the only thing he asked was that she relaxed. Just as she felt like she could die happily, with no fight at all, he finally had worked out all but one spot, the one spot that she had never had worked out before.

She was no longer liquefied, suddenly her whole body went rigid and she began to quiver, her toes and fingers began to curl. Her eyes, no longer closed, began to flutter and cross, and her moaning quickly became a scream as she shouted, using words that neither of the Japanese youths had ever heard before, but felt as if they would have been embarrassed if they had understood them.

Ranma, used to similar reactions by now, continued to work, bouncing his ki into her lower back with his fingers until the 'knot' had been completely 'worked out'.

Renka was awash with emotion. She did not know what to say, she wanted to hug them both, but she could not move. She was feeling so many things that she had never felt before. It was exciting, and a little bit scary. So she just laid there, unblinking, once again feeling like thirty-five kilograms of pudding.

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Nodoka was drinking and chatting with Kensei Ma. They talked about many things, from photography, to martial arts, to their children. Nodoka had gotten a good read on the man, and considered his to be of good and 'manly' character, and she figured he would be the best person to ask. "/Shifu Kensei, My son turns fourteen in a few weeks, I would have done this last year, but your laws are a bit different here. In Japan, it is tradition, dating back to the Edo period, for men of station to, um, have 'their first time' with a 'pleasure woman', of high standing. A high ranking courtesan, who only services those of breeding./" Kensei had begun to blush and drool at the thoughts that were popping into his head. "/So, Shifu, I do not know of anyone better to ask this question of, do you know where I might find one of these instructors in the ways of pleasure, or do I need to fly one in from Japan?/"

"/So, just so we are clear, you want a high class courtesan, to take the virginity of your fourteen year old son, and teach him the ways of pleasuring a woman?/"

"/Well, not a common woman of the evening, that anyone with funds can hire, but one who only services the best. One who will teach him, and I suppose Ukyo should go as well, to learn anyway, as she will not turn fourteen for some time yet. He has learned some things, mostly pressure points, however, he needs to learn the best, from the best./"

Kensei's jaw dropped, but quickly recovered. "/A woman after my own heart! It is far too bad we are both already married. I do believe I can help you, though, we will need to keep this a secret from my wife, if she finds out I am doing this, she will assume I am doing it for myself. She already thinks I sleep around on her, just because of my past, I was quite the ladies man in my day, but when Jiang became with child, we were married, and I never slept with another woman, no matter how much I wanted to.../" It is not like he did not love his wife, he did, very much so, it was just that she never let him have any F. U. N.

"/That is too bad, a real man needs variety, unlike my husband, who does not seem to need any woman./"

"/My wife would kill me! Tell me, are all women in Japan as kind, and beautiful, and understanding as you are?/"

"/Oh my! I am nothing special. There are many women, far better than I. I suppose women of breeding in Japan are just more accepting of men, and their manly ways. I do not know./" Kensei decided right then and there, that he was going to have to pay Japan a visit, VERY soon. '/But first, I should make sure to teach her son, some of my extra special techniques, as a thank you, and make sure her request gets filled, before I go. If Jiang finds out about helping her with this, I might have to leave even sooner than had expected./'

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Ukyo has been insistent lately about running all of the errands for the family, unbeknownst to the rest of them. She was once again gathering materials to try to surprise Ranma with a birthday present. This year was even harder than the last. It was easier, in that Ranma had more things to distract him, but harder because she needed to get measurements from Ranma. She worked diligently in every free moment she had, without making it obvious that she was taking these extra 'free moments'. She did not want to make the same mistakes she had made two years before, and make him worry. She had even convinced him to take Renka out on a 'date' of sorts one day, to allow her to work in private. Renka was thrilled, her mother less so. However, Ukyo did not mind, the two of them looked so cute together, and Renka looked so pleased, she just had to approve. The cute Chinese girl acted so much like a cat when she was pleased it was adorable. Ukyo could not be sure, but she could swear that she even saw her chasing a mouse once... One day she wanted to see how she reacted to catnip.

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Ranma thought Ukyo had been acting strange lately, but then recalled a similar situation not that long ago, and realized that it was once again, that time of year, and decided not to worry about it. She had gone to great lengths to arranged this outing with he and Renka, and he figured that was a present of sorts as well, and he figured that he might as well enjoy himself. Renka seemed to feel the same way, since she had attached herself to his arm, and was not letting go, her head laying on his shoulder as they walked.

"/So, Renka, what fun things do you guys have to do around here, we can do whatever you want./"

"/Anything?/" She looked up into his deep blue eyes, with a hopeful look on her face.

"/Sure, what do you have in mind?/"

Looking shy, she tried to sound as cute as she could, which was quite, and said in a small voice, "/Little Renka wants another massage./"

"/Well, okay, but shouldn't we get some food, or see a movie first? Spar perhaps?/"

"/Well, yeah, we COULD do that too.../"

They ended up compromising. Ranma bought them dinner, and then they spent the rest of the afternoon giving her the longest massage he had ever given anyone in his life. Renka was not able to walk again for a while, but she enjoyed being carried, even if traveling over the trees unnerved her at first.

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Two weeks, and several 'dates' later, Ranma was blindfolded, not that he needed his eyes to get around, but he was led anyway, to the main training hall. The two girls, who had led him by the arms, leaned in, kissed him on the cheeks, and then removed the blindfold. As soon as his eyes were uncovered, the room full of people all shouted, "/SURPRISE!!!/"

Ranma greeted and thanked everyone there, especially the few outside of his 'family' who were in attendance. He slurped one lengthy 'longevity noodle' for long life and good luck. They had food, played games, ate cake and they all enjoyed themselves. After a while, Renka and Ukyo teamed up on Ranma, each grabbing an arm as they led him away, to a quiet place, where they could get him along. Once they had him where they wanted him, they began to sing the birthday song, in Chinese.

"Sheng ri kuai le "/Happy Birthday

"Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le "/Wish to you happy birthday

"Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le "/Wish to you happy birthday

"Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le "/Wish to you happy birthday

"Zhu ni yongyuan kuai le" "/Wish to you happiness forever/"

Renka had helped to coach Ukyo, so that she would get the song just right, she had helped her obtain materials, as well as distracting Ranma, without making it look obvious, so Ukyo let her go first. "Sheng ri kuai le, Ranma. /I got you something./" She blushed as she handed him a small box. Ranma opened the box and found a thick necklace with a yin-yang shaped locket. The locket opened from the center, with the push of a small button, revealing four picture compartments. Two of the compartments were filled with pictures of Ukyo and Renka hugging in a photo booth. Well, actually it was one picture, that had been cut to fit into the two center compartments.

Ranma smiled, "/Aw, aren't you two just adorable? Thank you Renka, it was very kind of you to get me a gift, and I am glad to see that you and Ucchan get along so well. It's very nice./" He leaned over and hugged her as he kissed her on the cheek. Renka blushed brightly, looking quite shy. While this was incredibly cute, it looked a bit strange on the usually extroverted girl.

Ukyo was beaming with pride as she handed over her much larger box saying, "O tanjo-bi omedetogozaimasu, Ranchama! Ah hope yah like it!"

Ranma opened the box and found a long coat, which hung almost to his ankles. The outside was made of a sturdy, black material, with the kanji 'aikyou' on the back, trimmed in red. The trim on the coat itself was also red silk, to match the inside. It had many pockets with fasteners, to keep them sealed during Ranma's many erratic movements. Ranma got a strange look on his face as he looked the coat over, tried it on, and faced its designer. "/No, Ucchan, I don't like it, I love it! You guys are the best!/"

{*Aikyou = charm; attractiveness; amiability; winsomeness; courtesy; entertainment; amusement; fun.*}

After Ranma had taken Ukyo into his arms and kissed her on the cheek as well, she grabbed his face with both hands, turned his head, and said, "/Not good enough, Ranchama./", and she kissed him on the mouth, causing his braid to stick straight out, and Renka to protest.

"/Hey, that's not fair, I want to do that too!/"

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The girls had held him down, and covered him in kisses, each trying to out-do the other, eventually Ranma had to use his 'special massage technique' to get away, so he could relieve himself and find some food. Most everyone had gone off to do their own thing, only his mother remained.

"/There you are my son, I have prepared a special meal for you this evening to help keep your strength up for my gift to you, which I will give you after you are done 'playing' with the girls. Enjoy it my adorable, manly son, for tonight, you become a real man among men. Be prepared, for you will need all of your strength to endure the trial./"

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"This will be the most expensive, and yet, briefest, lesson you have received under my care, but it will be one of the most useful to you in the future. Well worth the bond that I cashed in to pay for it. Pay attention, and learn well my son, for tonight, you become a real man. Ukyo-chan, you have been approved to go with him and watch, but you may not join in directly (not yet anyway), you too must learn these lessons well, for they will serve you both in the future. Now, forget about your dear mother, and go enjoy yourselves. I expect you to fight well!"

"HAI, Okaa-chan(-sama)!!!"

They walked up to the very nice home, which had been lavishly decorated, and knocked. A beautiful woman, in an elegant dress, and accessories, answered the door and led them inside. She was an older woman, by the youths' perspective, looking almost as old as his mother, meaning that she looked to be in her mid-twenties.

"/Greetings shifu, my name is Ranma, I am supposed to be here for a training session, and this is Ucchan, she is supposed to watch and learn as much as she can too./"

She ran her fingers down his arm, and whispered heavily into his ear, "/Ha ha ha, I have never been called THAT before! Yes, Ranma, your mother told me all about you two./", and blew on his neck, causing him to stiffen a bit. "/Welcome honorable guests, I am Meixiu, and I will be instructing you in the arts of pleasure. Now, if you will follow me, we will begin the 'lesson'./" This caught Ranma off guard, he had not expected fighting in such a nice hose, but he had expected some kind of ki training, or other special technique. Well, pleasure was the opposite of pain, maybe he misheard, or did not translate the word correctly, 'Maybe it was a healing technique! That had to be it.'

The two young teens followed their 'instructor' as she led them up the stairs and into one of the back rooms. This room was also lavishly furnished, though in a slightly different style, and it contained many items that neither of them recognized, and Ukyo's eyes boggled, because unlike Ranma, she knew why they were there.

Meixiu turned and requested, "/Strip, if you would./" They began to take their clothing off, a bit stunned, Ranma at the request, and Ukyo still at the number and uniqueness of the 'toys' displayed around the room. "/I just meant him, but, whatever./" She began to take her clothes off as well. "/I shall be the one to attend to him tonight. I will show you the required etiquette of the pleasurable arts. I shall perform a 'body inspection' to make sure everything works correctly, and to teach you how to make it work even more 'correctly'. Here is a spot, that only the high class gentlemen get to enjoy./" She reached around Ranma and pressed a special pressure point, waking him out of his stupor and causing him to instantly get hard.

She showed them many techniques, positions, and styles, and they consumed them as if they had been starving and were served a gourmet meal. She taught him how to have multiple male orgasms, the best erogenous zones, pressure points, and every other trick she knew. They studied every move in the kind of detail that only one who has spent their entire life studying techniques can.

Ukyo had been there solely in an observational capacity, and even she was exhausted when they were done. Thanks to some of her skills, they had 'worked' nonstop for hours on end. It was actually quite early in the morning by the time they left to return home. She had offered to let them sleep there, but they wanted to make sure they did not miss their training the next morning, and if not for some of the special tea they had gotten from Shun, they would not have been of any use, to anyone.

Unfortunately, despite how quietly they came in, Ma Jiang noticed their arrival, and the time, and figured she had some questions that needed to be asked. Maybe her husband knew what was going on, she would ask him first.

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The next morning, before most of the residence of the compound had awoken, Jiang poked her husband. "/Do you know what those kids were doing out last night, my husband?/" She knew, the best time to get truthful information out of her husband was to wake him and ask, he was never fully aware, and would answer honestly.

"/Was boy's birthday, so I sent him to a courtesan, to become a man. He's just like me, as a boy./" Three, Two, One, Click! "/Oh, crap!/"

"/What was that husband of mine? Did you say you got that boy a prostitute? So you know what could happen, what if the police found out?/"

Kensei had not had time to learn much from the Saotome heir, but he had mastered one technique that was about to prove useful. "Saotome final attack, RUN AWAY!!!!" He yelled in Japanese, as he dove out of the window.

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Jiang found Nodoka cleaning up for the morning, and preparing for the day. "/Mrs. Saotome, I would like to apologize for my husband's behavior, he did something inappropriate for him, and I cannot apologize enough./" She bowed deeply.

"/Oh my, there is no need, I asked for his help. If my son is to become a true man among men, he must learn all of the arts, and those are some of the most important!/" She beamed with pride.

Jiang's expression went from apologetic to cold. "/I think you should go. I do not wish my children to be around yours any longer. Please be out by the end of the day./" She turned and left.

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Ranma wrote a letter to the Tendo girls, explaining that they were moving on again, and apologized for the short notice and short letter. He was in such a hurry to get it done, that he had forgotten even to mention his birthday party or any of the things he had been up to lately. He just told them that the master of the school, who had been teaching them, suddenly ran off, and they had to leave, continuing their goal of trying to find the Nujie Zu. They had a lead on an exile that was supposed to be in Hong Kong, who they were hoping could be persuaded to give them directions. Ukyo had been able to slip in a picture of a shirtless Ranma in his new coat into the letter before he sealed it.

After a long, tearful goodbye with Renka, and a quick stop at the local post office, they were back on the proverbial road, meandering slowly toward Hong Kong. They hired a guild for this leg of the trip, more to help them learn a bit of Cantonese on the way, than to show them around. They DID let the guide do his job, by helping to lead Ryoga part time.

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Renka was not happy, first her father left, and now her new friends were leaving too! She ran to find her mother, to try to do something about it. This was as close to a 'boyfriend' as she had ever been allowed to have before, and she had rather enjoyed it. She did not want these feelings to end.

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"/NO! you may certainly NOT go with them! They are almost as weird as your father, it's bad enough he left, I can't lose you too!/"

Renka ran out of the room in tears. She was heartbroken for a third time that day. She was torn, she did not want to lose her friends, but she did not want to hurt her mother either. Not to mention the strain that would put on the twins, they could only handle so much of the burden of the school ...for now.

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Still not happy, especially when she learned why her friends left, Renka began to study Japanese in earnest, swearing that she would go to Japan one day, and track down either her errant father (at least if the information she had gotten around town, from people who had seen, or rather, heard, his departure, proved to be correct), or her friends, and no one, or no thing, would stand in her way, ...once her mommy let her go, that is.

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Genma was having a good day, not only had their school been doing amazingly well, and taking in students from all of the 'best' families, his hair had been growing in well (better than Soun's was after his 'accident' anyway), he was fit and trim, and if that wasn't enough, today he was beating Soun at Go without cheating! Oh, sorry, resorting to 'special moves'. What a glorious day!

Akane's cooking was slowly and steadily making improvements, assuming you do not count her last attempt at baking, where she had gotten a bit overzealous and mixed up baking soda with sugar, and vinegar for ...something, water, oil? Genma did not know, not that it would have changed anything if he did, all that mattered was the fact that their kitchen had been completely covered in white foam, and it had taken the girls and Maid Guy a while to get it all cleaned up. Aside from that, most of what she made was at least edible. This was good, in Genma's opinion, because the other girls, who usually cooked, were not around as often these days. Between their club and student council activities, and looking after 'some bums' or something (Genma had not bothered to learn the details of that), they were out several nights a week.

He had gotten another postcard from his wife, which said they were following up a lead to find what they hoped would be one of the last training stops on their trip, if things when well, it could be a long one, if they were able to find it. Well, and of course, several paragraphs about how manly 'her' son was becoming, and how well his training had been coming along in spite of all of her 'smothering ways'. Minor jabs aside, it was good to hear from them again, he was glad that they were doing well, and they would return home before too much longer, depending on how this training goes. Genma would never have admitted it to anyone, but he was actually looking forward to that day.

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One fine Sunday morning, Nabiki was snooping around in the secret passages in the Saotome house, as she was want to do on occasion, when she literally stumbled into another secret passage that she didn't know about before. It was quite a surprise, she considered herself a very observant person, and she was sure that she had given these passages a thorough examination before, several times when they were younger, they used to play in here a lot as kids after all.

Nabiki briefly considered going and getting the other girls, but they were all doing extra 'training', so she figured she could show them after she had looked it over. So, pulling out a flashlight she kept for just such occasions, she followed the tunnel and found that it when under a large portion of the property, with several rooms, both large and small, all furnished, and looked recently used! Everything was spotless, there was not even a speck of dust anywhere. Since dusting was one of her specialties in 'the art', she was mildly impressed.

Nabiki was most surprised when she entered the largest room, that, if she figured correctly, was right under their house! So surprised was she, that she failed to notice someone sneak up behind her and tap her 'knock-out' pressure point. She really did not expect it, which just goes to show how far she had yet to go before she would become a real detective.

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Some time later, Nabiki came to and found she was faced with two people, dressed all in dark, navy blue, covered from head to toe, with only their eyes showing, as if they were some kind of ninja. The second thing she noticed, was that she was restrained, tied to a chair, bound with very soft cord. She began trying to work her hands free when on of them spoke, a woman.

"We are sorry, Nabiki-sama, my companion got a bit, 'enthusiastic' with his work. We mean you no harm, but we can not have you telling anyone about this place, Genma-dono is not to know we are here. I am afraid that I am going to have to make you forget you ever found this place though. I am deeply sorry."

"NO, WAIT! I won't tell him, I promise! But, why are you here? ...and how do you know my name?"

"Um, we live here... Saotome-sama hired our clan, and we were sent to ensure the safety of the home, help with the school's training techniques, and make sure that nothing bad happens to you girls."

"Wouldn't making my lose my memories count as 'bad'?!?!"

"Well, the security of the mission must come first, it is for your safety, especially if you let it slip to Genma-dono, that could prove quite hazardous."

"I swear, I won't tell him! Hey, have any of us found you before? Have you already wiped any of our memories?"

"No, the only person who has found us before you was Kogarashi-san, but our techniques did not work on him."

"So if he knows, why can't I? I can keep a secret too.

"Are you sure you want to take that risk? This is really a breach in protocols. Maybe we should wait for orders..."

"But, I have to go to school tomorrow! And we won't be able to get a hold of auntie for a while now!"

"Oh, no, we just have to call our boss, or if you prefer, I can send a messenger bird, or something more traditional..."

"No, no, the phone call is fine..."

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Ranma entered the tent he shared with Ukyo and sat beside her, handing her a small box. "Happy birthday Ucchan, I got this for you. I wore it for a while, so that I could say this, 'My heart now belongs to you'." Ranma looked embarrassed, and more than a bit nervous. She opened the box to find a silver necklace with a small heart-shaped pendant that was made of jade. "Mom said that I was supposed to give you another 'present' as well." Both of their blushes intensified tenfold. "At least the chain is not a dog collar, like some people I won't mention." He chuckled nervously at that.

"Oh, it's lovely! I love it, and I would happily wear a dog collar for you, if that is your desire, Ranma-sama. Okaa-sama also instructed me to wear the gift that she bought for me for this evening. She also gave me something to make sure that you wear as well, and showed me the 'proper' way to put it on you." Ukyo blushed as she handed Ranma a box of condoms before she removed the yukata she had been wearing to reveal a short qipao that barely hung below her hips, though it was split on the sides to reveal said hips. The red qipao, trimmed in black, was made of a sheer material that Ranma could almost see through as if it were not there. It was so sheer that it almost left something to the imagination. "Tonight, I officially become your concubine, Ranma-sama. Please take good care of me." Ranma stammered for a moment, stunned by how amazing she looked, his mother did good work. As cute as she normally was, tonight she was literally stunning.

They were both nervous, and it showed. However, years of training kicked in, and, as always, he said the first thing that came to his mind, "Ucchan, you look almost too cute!"

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Short Omake 6a

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Genma received a postcard from his wife, detailing some of the adventures they had been having, turning the postcard over showed Nodoka, Ranma, Ukyo, and Ryoga in front of a temple, all flipping the bird, and the words, 'Glad you're NOT here!'...

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Short Omake 6b

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Moments later, the door burst open, reveling Nodoka who was dragging Ryoga by his leash, looking panicked, until she saw the two youths, on the floor, hugging each other amid the wreckage, eating something. "Oh my, something smells good."

Before long, four new weresnakes replaced the old one, terrorizing the locals... Oooops.

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Short Omake 6c

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Ukyo was playing her violin while Ranma and Renka were chatting.

"/So, Ranma, you know about the difference between Dou and Sei fighting philosophies, right?/" He nodded. "/So which do you prefer?/"

"/Well, I use both Dou and Sei, but I prefer Sei, but my partner over there, she prefers Dou Sei Dou./" He got up, and started clapping his hands and stomping one foot, while Ukyo switched her playing style. "/Grab yer partner, swing 'um 'round, spin and spin 'till you fall down! Allemande left with your left hand, Follow through with a right-left grand. Now lead your partner, the dirty ol' thing, follow through with an elbow swing./"

Ukyo picked up the song where Ranma left off still playing her violin in a manner completely unlike her usual grace and elegance, "/Grab a fence post, hold it tight, womp your partner with all your might. Hit him in the shin, hit him in the head, hit him again, the critter ain't dead. Wop him low and wop him high, stick your finger in his eye. Pretty little rhythm, pretty little sound, bang your heads against the ground.../"

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Short Omake 6d

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Today was Penguin's last day in this school, and in the Kai-bu, so she was saying her good byes.

"I am going to miss you all, but they have given me my own show, it's a great opportunity. Besides, I wasn't getting too many scenes here anyway. My only regret is that I never got to meet that cute boy! But I am glad I don't have Boneitus! I have heard there is no cure." She ran around hugging the other girls, and saying her individual good-byes.

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And, Last but not least,

Short Omake 6e - by Hiryo

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Kogarashi went into the kitchen where Akane had been training her cooking skills.

The poisonous fumes from Akane's cooking alone, were so strong that the paint was peeling itself off of the walls. The kitchen looked as if it had been covered in a layer of dark grey arsenic powder and ash. Bent equipment was strewn about and many other mini-disasters filled the room.

Humming a catchy tune Kogarashi read an old letter from Akane addressed to 'Whomever it Concerns'.

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'I wanna someone who can curb uncle Genma and help me to be strong enough to do finish things by myself.

-Akane'

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Still humming Kogarashi neared the most tragic place in the kitchen, where even cockroaches gave a wide berth... the oven.

Then he began to sing in his deep tenor.

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"Just a..."

*SNAP*

"Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down "

The charred remains of the oven disappeared into a rainbow that was black on the ground then bit-by-bit began to get back to the natural rainbow colors.

"The medicine go down-wown "

*SNAP*

"The medicine go down"

The bent ladle straightened out and 'untwisted' itself, as Maid Guy twirled around the room, cleaning as he danced.

"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down "

*SNAP*

"In a most delightful way."

Now the rest of the kitchen utensil dance to their places while miraculously all the dirt flies into the garbage.

Kogarashi continued with this festival until the kitchen appears to be in a brand new condition again.

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At last, Kogarashi held the metal lid to his face. He looked into the now mirror like reflection of the lid where Marry Poppins looked back as she arranged her hat. Kogarashi righted his mask, and continued with his daily tasks, exiting the room saying, "This is Maid Guy's Perfect Service!!!"

Akane needed much help after all.

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End Omake

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Author's Notes

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Thank you to all who comment and review, all input is appreciated.

Taoist/Daoist immortality theories.

-Two of the three theories on this involved similar practices to what I hinted at, the third was by a man named Ge Hong, an alchemist, who said that you needed the 'sexual arts' (the male had to refrain from ejaculation during sex) alongside alchemy to achieve longevity. The 'ding' and the 'younger the better' aspects seem to stem from Zhao Liangpi and Zhang Sanfeng, but I can't say for sure, my research on the topic has been limited.

Please do not think I am trying to paint all Daoists as 'bad guys', it was just this one small group, in this story. I am sorry if that offended anyone, it is just a story. There are good and bad people in just about every group.

The Ma Family

-Renka and Kensei's names were not even remotely close to being pronounced/'phonetically spelled' correctly, apparently the author did not want to do the slightest bit of research and just pronounce them in Japanese without the slightest bit of consideration to how they should be said in one of the many Chinese languages, let alone pick one. None of which are even remotely similar. Kensei's given name would likely be Jianxing (the first character is a simplified Japanese version of the character, which isn't even found in Chinese that I can tell), and his daughter would be something like Lanhua or Lienhua. As much as I want to be accurate, if I do so in this case I will confuse the hell out of just about everyone, including myself. So, my apologies to anyone who speaks Chinese (or like me, is OCD about being accurate), if you want to blame anyone, please direct your comments to Syun Matsuena, the author of Kenichi, who did less than no research on his Chinese characters at all. His wife and two other children were never named, so, obviously, I made those up, using actual Mandarin characters (even if they are probably not real name characters, they were intended to just be funny).

There is also no such thing as 'Chinese Kempo' either, Kempo is a purely Japanese word, it would be Wushu/Kung Fu (or Quan Fa if you prefer), the generic term for martial arts in Chinese.

I suppose I should also mention the location of their school and many of the other things in China I have used are just my best guess, and are in no way accurate portrayals. I just picked something that worked in the story based on what I do know, like Shun Di lives in 'Northern China', and the Ma School has taught many Shao Lin, so I put them kind of central so they were located between the northern and southern temples, this is likely wrong.

Ki/Chi/Qi

-These are all the same thing, just in different languages, or different ways to spell it. Ki is Japanese, while Khi, Chi, Ch'i, Hei, and Qi are some of the variations from the Chinese languages, depending on which form of transcription you prefer to use. Qi is the main one in Mandarin and others, and I prefer it because most of us English speakers can't help but pronounce 'chi' with a 'ch-' sound, instead of the 'k-' sound it actually is. Just look at almost all dubbed media about it. The 'Chi/Ch'i' transcription is only used by the Wade-Giles form, and frankly, a lot of theirs are weird. But in all of those languages, they spell it with the same character. #l (or the 'simplified' form, l, but that adds even more ways to say it).

A special thanks to Grizzmon, for inspiration behind one of the encounters in this chapter.

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*CHARACTERS USED*

{Here I will list all of the non-Ranma characters, used in the chapter and where they are from.}

Kogarashi the "Maid Guy" - the title character from Kamen no Maid Guy

Fubuki - The future 'Maid Guy Tamer' from Kamen no Maid Guy

Kaede Tenjoji - The headmaster of Hakureiryo Academy from Ladies vs. Butlers.

Mikan is her 'assistant' and the Head Instructor.

Mori - A maid, who will later, like her mother, to whom she bears an uncanny resemblance, work for the Amatsuka family, in GJ-Bu.

Sakura 'Penguin/Pengi' Nankyoku - The title character of Penguin Musume (lit. Penguin Girl). She is a total Otaku, she comes from a VERY rich family, and can gain the abilities of whatever she is cosplaying as (to some degree). In this story, her mother is Kaede's oldest half-sister (who also has one other).

Shun Di - The drunken master and herbal doctor from the Virtua Fighter series. Some versions say he also taught Lao Chan.

Renka Ma - From Kenichi, History's Strongest Disciple.

Kensei Ma - Her Father.

Jiang Ma - Her Mother. (Ma Jiang, or as we spell it, Mahjongg)

Dingling Ma - Her younger brother. (Ma Dingling)

Kuchi Ma - Her younger sister (Ma Kuchi)

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