Tokyo Babylon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls ❯ IV ( Chapter 4 )

"What happened?" Subaru finally asked, breaking the long silence.

Subaru was still lying on his side, not looking at Seishirou, as the older man perched on the edge of the hospital bed. The hand that had been resting on Subaru's back betrayed a hint of emotion, tensing for just a moment, and then began to move in small circles. "From what I understand, that's not a simple question to have to answer. They're saying you have amnesia."

Subaru nodded miserably. Was he handing over a weapon the Sakurazukamori could use against him? Or was he just confirming a concern Seishirou had for him? So much could have happened in nine years. So much obviously did.

"The last thing I remember...you hated me." Subaru rolled over and searched Seishirou's eyes carefully, wincing as he took in the sight of that right eye.

I did that, Subaru thought. That's all my fault.

"I've never once hated you, Subaru-kun."

"No. I suppose hate would have been a step up from there."

Seishirou just nodded, reaching forward to brush hair out of Subaru's face. "If I'd hated you, I never would have hurt you."

"What?"

"I would have killed you," he said simply, smiling beautifully. "And I wouldn't have wasted time trying to make you understand why."

"Y-you weren't trying to kill me?" Subaru's eyes went wide with confusion, and his heart pounded painfully in his chest.

"I had every intention of killing you, because I cared nothing for you at all. That is what I told you at the time, isn't it? You remember that, don't you?"

"Yes," he replied weakly, rolling back on his side.

But, Seishirou was still there, and when Subaru dared look up he noticed that the assassin still wore a kind and worried expression. It just didn't make sense!

It was too much for Subaru to take. "How can you sit there and say things like that so calmly? What happened? What changed?"

Seishirou sighed, and looked out the window with a faraway stare. "A lot happened, Subaru."

Subaru. No honorific. No playful look in his eyes...or the slightly condescending look he was so used to.

"This is the part where you tell me it's a long story, and I am supposed to wait until you're ready to tell me, right?" Subaru gazed intently into Seishirou's eyes, seeing the answer before the words were said.

"Yes." Seishirou was observing him just as closely, clearly picking his words with great care. "Though, it's not that I'm not ready to tell you. I have to be sure you're ready to hear it."

Subaru could have cried from the frustration he felt right now. "This just doesn't make sense," he said, hands balling into fists.

"No, I imagine it doesn't."

There was another long silence while they looked at each other, both of them searching for something in the other. Subaru just wanted answers. There was so much missing. Nine years of his life seemed to have been completely erased, with almost surgical precision.

So precise that Subaru began to wonder if it was natural at all. Seishirou had once erased his memories before, though not over such a large period of time. Could he have, this time--?

Was this some new mind game to entertain the assassin for another year or so?

He had no idea what Seishirou was capable of.

His blood ran could as he imagined his mind being played with on such a sweeping level. The doctors had said, after all, that they could find no physical reason for the amnesia. He'd barely listened to them at the time, but this could very well have been magical. Would his grandmother have been able to tell? Or was something like that too subtle for her?

Seishirou finally let out a sigh and stood. He patted Subaru fondly on the arm and gave him a small smile. "It's late, and you should be asleep. You need to recover from this." He was already walking toward the door, and the shadows seemed to reach for him to swallow him.

Subaru was tired, but despite the suspicion and doubt he realized he felt worse about the idea of Seishirou leaving. He didn't know why, but he just didn't want to let him go. "Wait! Please. Just...just a little bit longer."

Seishirou paused, smiling as he pulled his sunglasses out of his coat pocket. "You'll have a busy day tomorrow. I'm sure a lot of people will show up, as soon as they can." He put the sunglasses on, and the smile fell from his face. "No matter what your grandmother says, or what your friends say...no matter what you remember...there's one thing I want you to know."

"What is that?"

"I wish you would remember this for yourself first," he sighed from the shadows near the doorway. It was impossible for Subaru to read his expression now. "You'll just have to take my word for it for now. I love you, Subaru. I have for a very long time now. No matter what else we've been through, that is the truth."

...I love you...I love you...

Were they just words?

Seishirou had said those words without meaning, so convincingly sometimes, over the time Subaru could remember knowing him. They'd always been false though. That whole time it had been part of the game...part of the bet...just something to say to pass the time.

What were those words now?

Even if they were the truth, Subaru could take no comfort from them.