Tokyo Babylon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls ❯ VIII ( Chapter 8 )

The rest of Subaru's hospital stay was relatively uneventful. He spent the most time with Kamui, though others popped in on him from time to time. Seishirou didn't return, and Kamui only brought up what happened once--Subaru's reaction to that was enough to convince him that it wasn't a subject that should be brought up again.

It was the day before he was to be released when he asked Kamui, "Do I really live with him?"

"For years," Kamui nodded. "At least, that's what you said when I asked you."

"Do I have to?" Subaru's voice sounded small, even to himself. Small and weak and much younger than he imagined the face in the mirror had sounded in a long time. He just couldn't bring himself to care about the dignities of being an adult though, when he didn't remember any of it.

"I'm sure Imonoyama-san would let you stay with the rest of us, if you like."

Subaru nodded gratefully at the suggestion. And, that might have been it, and it might have been a good solution--but about an hour later Nokoru himself showed up, with Suoh and Akira at his side, to see how Subaru was doing. When Kamui mentioned the possibility, Nokoru grew thoughtful. Nobody noticed how Suoh and Akira backed out of the room with only a glance. It was just that the room seemed now more private.

"I had set aside a room for you, Subaru-san, just in case you needed it. You are more than welcome there at any time. It is the least I can do for those who are fighting to save humanity, after all." The chairman's eyes were friendly and he smiled brightly. Subaru remembered when he went to school, everyone had exclaimed over how genuinely kind the youngest of the Imonoyama zaibatsu was. He'd been a celebrity among the girls, and a hero across campus. But, in Subaru's day, Nokoru had still been much younger. Not so much younger that Hokuto hadn't entertained a crush on him like every other girl on campus, but enough that the sudden difference in age was somehow more striking than any other Subaru had noticed so far. From teenager to adult wasn't so much of a change, or adult to older adult...but Nokoru had still been a child. It brought home the missing time more intensely than Subaru had expected.

"Thank you," Subaru said with considerable relief in his tone. He didn't want to even think of the alternative.

"Don't thank me yet," Nokoru said sadly. He walked closer and sat down in the chair, placing his arms on the armrests and steepling his fingers thoughtfully. "I don't know much of the situation, but I'd like you to reconsider. I would feel bad if my hospitality was being used as a means to run away from this particular situation."

"Imonoyama-san, I can't return to that place. I can't return to him. He killed my sister." Subaru tried to keep the panic from his voice and failed. He was too polite to accept hospitality that was not freely given...Nokoru may as well have slammed the door in his face with those words.

"Yes. Hokuto-chan. I remember," he said with slight hesitation. "I went to her funeral. I felt devastated because she was a CLAMP student, and a lady in distress, but there was nothing I could have done to help her."

"You were there?" Subaru was surprised by this news. As far as he knew, they had just been faces in the crowd on a campus of exceptional people. It was a place where the family name hadn't singled him out quite so much, nor had the fact that he was the Head of the Sumeragi Clan.

"Yes. I'd tried to talk to you afterward, because my aunt thought it was such a shame you were dropping out, but you refused. I've always felt bad about leaving you to your grief, but there was no condolence I could offer."

"Then, you should understand why I can't do this!" Subaru cried desperately.

It was Kamui who answered that. "Subaru, you moved in with him after her death. You found a way to forgive him. Maybe you should try to find out how you did it before."

Nokoru looked slightly disturbed, but nodded in agreement. "It may bring you some peace of mind. Maybe he killed her on accident, or there were circumstances you are unaware of--"

"He's one of the Angels of Earth," Subaru answered in a flat tone. "It was deliberate. He killed her because she asked him to."

Even more disturbed now, but he took his cue from Kamui's expression and kept going. "You still found a way to forgive him. Find out what that was. Maybe you'll forgive him a second time, or maybe you won't, but you owe it to yourself to find out."

"You're saying I have to go to him?"

Nokoru met him with a level gaze. "I'm saying that if all else fails, you have somewhere to turn to."

Subaru nodded, feeling suddenly tired. The chairman left, and Kamui put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You're the one that suggested staying with everyone. Why'd you say that if you don't want me there?"

Kamui didn't answer right away. He sat down, looking thoughtful and a little regretful. "I guess for the same reasons Nokoru-san said. So you know there's somewhere to go if it doesn't work out."

"I can't go back there, Kamui-kun." Subaru traced patterns on the hospital gown he was still forced to wear. Such an ugly thing. He was looking forward to wearing something normal again.

"Just try. That's all you have to do."

"I could ask my grandmother. She'd help me."

Kamui bowed his head sadly. "I can't stop you, and I know she would. Just...please don't. I want you to be happy."

"Okay."

The next day, Subaru went home with Seishirou.