Transformers Fan Fiction ❯ Cover Me ❯ Back At the Loony Bin ( Chapter 12 )

Cover Me

By Black Dragon Queen

Author's note: Here you go. It's a bit of a fluff chapter but necessary in order to tie up loose ends with the Autobots. Not really plot related, rather just a bit of fun. There's going to be at least one more fluff chapter then in 14/15 we start the ball rolling as it were… As a side note: I AM REALLY SORRY FOR THE LATENESS OF THIS POST! Usually I get home from work between 9 and 10 and post them. Unfortunately when I got home today, the stupid log in page was DOWN! Grr. So I really tried to get this out Monday, but if you only received a notice on Tuesday… that's why!

PAIRINGS REVEALED THUS FAR:

Wheeljack x Ratchet, Past Prowl x Jazz

Font Index:

“Speaking”, `Thinking', “-Radio Transmissions-”, “Cybertronion”

~*~

Chapter Twelve: Back at the Loony Bin

It was that same day that the three Autobots could be found standing around the single boxcar watching their beloved leader dig through the substantial amount of accumulated crap in search of his one, specific data pad. He had been searching all night long and still had to dig through more than half of the box's contents that the other three had managed to cram in there. If anyone stood really close to the boxcar, or possessed superior robotic hearing, anyone could hear the low, angry muttering wafting out from the container.

“Surrounded by idiotic, empty headed lug nuts who insist on making my life difficult by increasing my work load by a whole two hundred slagging percent and never even realizing that they're being stupid because there's no such things as gremlins and never once even bothering to ask me my opinion on the situation since apparently I don't matter. Oh no, I'm just the slagging leader of the group, why should I have an opinion?”

“We said we were sorry!” Ironhide groused as he watched Optimus on his hands and knees yanking everything he could out of the box. The gunner cringed as the ammo clip from one of his spare cannons was thrown unceremoniously from the box, flew through the air and finally came down with a resounding clang against the cement floor behind the still grumbling big rig. Sighing, he moved to retrieve the item all the while wondering if leaving was an option or if it would be against protocol since they had yet to be dismissed.

Ratchet abruptly lunged past his two partners-in-crime, shoving them unceremoniously aside as he snatched a rather wicked looking buzz saw out of Optimus' grasp before it too could go the way of Ironhide's ammo clip. “Careful!” he barked at the blue and red mech. “Do you know how sensitive some of these items are?”

“Clearly not as sensitive as you are,” Optimus murmured angrily under his breath.

“What?” Ratchet turned back around from setting the buzz saw gently aside and Optimus had the sense to duck back into the box. “I'm serious!” the medic continued. “Only the slightest jolt could completely throw off the entire calibration!”

Optimus tossed an unused paneling at the medic's head. Sadly his missed. “You started it!” Optimus snarled. “What in the world possessed you three to do something so… so… ludicrous as to shove all of our gear into a single box? I still need to go though more than half of these reports you know and shoving them in here completely obliterated my filing system! I'll now have to go through each and every one of these slagging things and re-sort them! And are any of you going to volunteer to help me? Well? Are you?”

“Well, if you want we could try-” Red began only to have Optimus interrupt him.

“OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT!” he bellowed. “No one ever helps me with the slagging PAPER WORK! Primus forbid that any one does any actual work around here! And now I have to start all over again, so once more I ask you: who's stupid idea was this?” he bellowed at the top of his voice box as he glared accusingly at the three before him. “Because whoever it was, you just got demoted!”

As one, Red Alert and Ratchet pointed towards the black mech next to them. “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Ironhide sniffed with as much dignity as he could possibly muster... never mind the fact the he was cradling the spare ammo clip protectively against his chest. Optimus' head popped back out of the box and he just glared at his weapons specialist. “Well it did!” Ironhide insisted.

“Shoving them all into a box is what you would classify as a `good idea'?” Optimus asked archly. “Please to explain.”

“Well you have to be crafty when dealing with gremlins,” Ironhide enlighten as he moved to sit down cross-legged right there in the middle of the room. “'Spent a long time studying them off the `net. They're tricky little monsters. They always get you when you not looking. So what we did was gather everything shiny that he may want and placed them in this box here in an empty hanger so we could see the little bugger coming.”

“Uh huh,” Optimus drawled as he stared at the other mech. “And in all your research did you ever come across the tiny little detail that stated that gremlins aren't slagging real?”

Ratchet yelped in dismay as one of his socket wrenches suddenly flew through the air with uncanny precision and sounded with an impressive “dink” as it hit the top kick smack dead in the center of his forehead. “Slag it Prime, that's my bit!” Ratchet exclaimed as he looked down at the somewhat dazed gunner now laying flat on the ground. Though he didn't bother to offer to help the other `Bot back up. Ironhide glared at him as Optimus just huffed and went back to his search.

Red Alert let out a low whistle when he saw the rather prominent dent in the other mech's face plating. “Nice shot.” Three sets of optics turned their glares on him. “What? It was.”

“How did we win the war?” Optimus muttered to himself as he once more delved into the horrors of the box-of-assorted-slag. “I'm really beginning to wonder.”

“Well, it's more like the `Cons lost more than we actually won.” Ratchet clarified as he began lining up his assorted tools according to size.

“Actually, if we were to get technical, it was Sam who won the war,” Ironhide mused as he wandered over towards a rather shiny piece of Ratchet's equipment to study his new feature. “Slag, he really nailed me didn't he…”

“Keep running your mouth and you'll have a matching one on the back,” Ratchet rumbled forebodingly as he started counting his tools. He suddenly straightened as he reached the end of the small row and called out, “Optimus, where's my buffer?”

“Forget the buffer! There is no buffer! For all intended purposes, there never was a buffer!” Optimus' infuriated voice floated out of the box. There was a beat of silence. “Ratchet! Help me move the buffer! It's on top of a few of these files!”

Ratchet shook his head as he moved to his commander's side and took a hold of the other side of the rather large buffer. “You know, we could help you-”

“OH NO!” Optimus cried out in frustration before the medic could get any further as they dropped the machinery. “You three have done enough, thank you very much!” Ratchet sighed but once more moved out of the way of the larger `Bot's resumed digging.

“Oh come on! It's not that big a deal!” Ironhide protested as he watched the proceedings. “It's not like it's an emergency or something. You don't have a deadline to turn the thing in. There's no one else to turn it in too! You're the top of the pyramid here. There's no one above you giving you deadlines.”

Optimus suddenly climbed back out of the box and sat back on his heels as he looked up at the other truck with a very serious glare. “The one I'm looking for,” he gritted out slowly, “is the one with the details of our agreement with the humans on the possibility of getting our own generator and thus, our own power supply delivered to this base so we don't have to build one from scratch. It also goes along with the contract that we have for any and all of the militaries weaponry we may need in the future for any possible Decepticon retaliation for the destruction of Megatron along with the All Spark.” Optimus gave Ironhide a rather scathing glare. “Do you wish to go back and renegotiate those details with the military's higher ups?”

“Err…”

“I didn't think so,” Optimus snapped as he went back to digging. “I swear, they think I do nothing but sit on my aft all day…”

“Oh honestly Optimus,” Ratchet cried out abruptly as he was becoming increasingly annoyed at the whole situation. “It's not like we meant to destroy your filing system on purpose. We were just trying to figure out what was going on around here since all of our things keep disappearing.”

“By putting them all in a box?” Optimus asked skeptically. “Excuse me for finding it a bit backwards in thinking. Even if Ironhide actually had a plausible argument, which I doubt!” Ironhide gasped, affronted. “I still can't understand why you went along with it.” He made a small gesture towards Red Alert. “With you it makes sense, but you Ratchet? I thought you were above such idiotic antics.”

“Whose tools are being stolen? Hmm? Not yours? Oh, then it must be mine. Go figure.” Ratchet bit out sarcastically as he once again rescued one of his few remaining tools from Optimus' rough handling.

“You locked them in a box,” Optimus scoffed, “how does this solve the problem?”

“We were laying in wait,” Ratchet persisted. “Haven't you ever heard of baiting a trap?”

“Haven't you ever heard that arguing with your commander gets you nothing but a week of watch duty at three in the morning?”

“At least the tumbleweeds won't be lonely,” Ratchet responded with all seriousness.

Ironhide couldn't hold back a snicker as Optimus once again tried to nail the medic with flying objects and the other `Bots easy evasion of said projectiles. Only too then get a pair of matching dents to the one on his forehead on each side of his head as both Ratchet and Optimus nailed him once again. “That's not funny!” Ironhide whined as the other two burst out into laughter.

Red Alert, meanwhile, was standing off to the side of the room as he looked between the other `Bots in total bewilderment. He had to admit that it had been really odd when he first arrived on this new planet and reunited with his comrades. There was something odd going on and Red knew that for him to think something was strange; something had to be really wrong. For a long while he had actually suspected that these weren't his superiors. That perhaps the Decepticons or even the planets natives had replaced them or possibly reprogrammed them for them to act this way. Then Ironhide had asked him some questions about Inferno that Red knew only Ironhide would know about and he had been forced to rethink his opinion.

A sudden staccato of rings brought Red Alert out of his musings and he looked up to see both Ratchet and Optimus gleefully tossing assorted items at the top kick, and occasionally each other, as `Hide ran around the room searching for cover. Sadly, however, since they had removed all the other items out of the room for their trap, there was none. A few more dings rang out with the multiple hits as the two nailed him in rapid succession. Red Alert smirked but felt a little bit left out as the three started snipping at one another again.

It was almost like he was an outsider of their little group, not having been there for any of their inside jokes or any of the situations that made them the tight, formidable unit he could tell that they actually were underneath all the silliness. When all the Autobots had first separated into their sub-units to search for the scattered Decepticons and Energon, the five `Bot team set to go after Megatron had all been so tense. They had been so determined and focused on their goal of retrieving the All Spark before Megatron could claim the cube as his own that they were the most solemn and serious of all the teams.

Nothing at all like the three goofing, joking mechs that stood before him now. It was almost as if the defeat of Megatron had just lifted a weight off of all of them that took away their anxiety and sadness. They had gone back to the way they had been before the war, before the destruction of Tyger Pax and the eons of darkness and death. Well… sort of. On the one side of the equation, they were much more joyful than he had seen in a long time. On the other side they were a lot more… `Dare I use the human word “batty”?' Red wondered as he dodged a flying hammer.

“All right enough,” Optimus chuckled as he stood, gaining the other's attention as he picked up a rather large stack of pads. Walking over with a grin he proceeded to drop them into `Hide's arms, completely startling the older mech. “I think I will take you guys up on that offer to help,” Optimus said cheerfully as he dropped the next load into Ratchet's arms. The medic just glared. “Since you three are the ones that created this mess,” Red already had his arms out as Optimus gave him his own stack, “then you three can help me sort it out!” Three baleful looks greeted him at that announcement and his grin only got wider. “To the records room!”

“We have a records room?” Ironhide muttered as they all trooped out of the storage hanger under Optimus' watchful optics.

“I think he means the multipurpose hanger,” Ratchet muttered, defeated as he quickly shifted his weight when it seemed his stack was about to topple over.

“Oh,” the top kick replied and the two turned and began heading for the main hanger, each trying to balance the bulky stacks they were carrying.

Red Alert couldn't help but give a small smirk at the two's bickering. `They're crazier than me,' he thought as they all soon entered the main hanger.

Optimus grunted as he dropped his own armful of the small, blue data pads onto the main table and the others quickly followed suit, grateful to be rid of the burden. “SIT!” Optimus commanded. “Any files marked later that Deltasigna Three is a completed document and will go in this pile,” he pointed at the one lone data pad he had set aside, “anything before that still needs to be reviewed and will go in this pile over here.” Next he pointed to the thirty or so pads he had already glanced at with an ease of long time practice and separated. “Am I understood?”

A chorus of three meek “yes, sir” answered him and Optimus grinned madly as he started going though his own pile. Soon the hanger was filled with silence save the occasional clicks as the data pads were shuffled and sorted. “What's `petrol'?” Red soon asked confused.

“Gas,” `Hide replied automatically as he stared down at the tiny scrawled handwriting before him. “Ratchet, I think this one's yours,” he muttered as he passed the pad over.

“Gas?” Red responded now more confused than ever as he quickly searched the term. “You mean as in the liquid we drink or as in a human passing wind?”

Ratchet choked back a laugh. “Er, the first one,” he snickered.

“Oh,” Red said timidly as he went back to his reading. There was silence again as the four continued pursuing the small squares of information. Suddenly there was a small noise and Ratchet lifted his head to give his leader a long look. Optimus ducked his head and the silence resumed. This time it was Ironhide who let a small chuckle slip and he quickly coughed to cover it up as he slouched back down in his seat. Ratchet glanced back over to Optimus to see his leader had his head down in the folds of his arms on the table and were his shoulders shaking? Optimus glanced up and met Ratchet's optics and that's all she wrote!

The two fell off their seats onto the floor as they were consumed with laughter over the whole absurdity of the situation. Red and `Hide both soon followed suit as they too were over come with a rather bad case of the giggles, though strangely enough Red still had the sense not to fall out of his seat. Ratchet's howls of laughter soon tapered off into sporadic bursts of snickers as the small group slowly calmed down and once more resumed their seats. `Hide grinned evilly. “Gas,” he said and that set them all off again.

“Well, it could have been worse,” Ratchet mused, as he tried to quell the sporadic giggles that threatened to erupt while he reached for another data pad.

“Oh yeah?” Ironhide asked amused. “How?”

“Red could have asked what `ethanol' was.” That sent the three older `Bots to the floor once more as Red looked up the term.

“Corn?” he asked in disbelief. Peals of laughter greeted him.

“Oh. Oh Primus, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time,” Ironhide laughed as he once more took his seat.

“I don't think any of us have,” Optimus smiled as he too reached for another pad.

“I did,” Ratchet announced cheerfully and the other three looked at him confused. “I did,” he insisted. “When Optimus did his wonderful firecracker impression.” Ironhide burst into laughter once more.

“HEY!” Optimus cried out in mock outrage. There was another round of chuckles before the four finally managed to get themselves under control. Optimus was the first one to regain his senses as he looked between his friends. “Oh, Primus. I'm so sorry you guys. I guess I have been behaving a little out of line lately.”

“Yeah, you could say that,” `Hide sobered as he gave his leader a pointed look.

Ratchet leaned over the table to whap the other mech over the head. “Behave,” he chastised.

“No, no. He's right.”

“He is?” Ratchet gasped in disbelief.

“I am?” Ironhide gasped in disbelief.

“You mean sometimes he's wrong?” Red Alert gasped in mocked disbelief.

The other three stared at him. Ironhide broke out into a wide grin and threw an arm around the red mechs shoulders. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“No, I'm really serious you guys.” Optimus insisted as he set down the pad he had been looking at. “I guess I've just been really stressed lately,” he admitted as he once more thought over the last few days. It had been quite hectic as of late what with Red Alert arriving then the whole transmission fiasco, and the moat… oh yeah, and a `Con lurking about the city wanting to sign on to the other team... `What a slagging pain,' Optimus bemoaned internally.

“Then you should have told us,” Ratchet told him seriously, bringing Optimus out of his little self-pity party. “We're sorry too-” Ironhide snorted, “-we all are sorry. I guess we were taking things a little out of hand.”

Ironhide sighed. “Yeah, I guess I'm sorry too.”

“And…” Ratchet prompted.

“And what?” Ironhide asked bewildered.

Ratchet sighed as he whapped his comrade over the head once again. “-`and it will never happen again',” he prompted.

The other two glanced at one another and sighed. “And it will never happen again,” they murmured.

Optimus smiled at his long time friends. “Thank you. All of you,” he murmured and three grins were reflected back at him.

Soon the group was hard at work again when Ratchet abruptly let out a loud cry of triumph. “AH HA! I think I found it!” he said excitedly as he passed over the data pad.

Optimus snatched the item from his friend and quickly perused the contents. “Yep, this is it,” he confirmed as he stood and brought the single pad over to his personal “desk” for safekeeping. The other three let out a sigh of relief.

“So wait,” Red Alert finally sat up as a thought occurred to him. “If it wasn't gremlins-”

“Who said it wasn't?” `Hide demanded. Ratchet hit him again.

“Then whose been taking our things?” Red finished.

Optimus sighed. “Kidding aside, if you three really believe that your things are being stolen-”

“We do,” Ratchet insisted and the other two quickly nodded in agreement.

“Then there's no choice for it,” Optimus relented. “Obviously we have to do something about it. I suppose your plan of the boxcar turned safe is a good enough idea, thought I wish you hadn't just tossed everything in there.”

“Really?” Red asked, perking back up in his chair at the praise.

Optimus smiled. “Really. Now go get your box!” Red let out a whoop of joy as he bounced off his seat and took off out of the hanger, Ironhide following behind him.

“Optimus,” Ratchet hesitated, torn between staying and helping Optimus finish sorting the last few hundred data pads or following his two companions.

Optimus shook his head. “Go rescue your tools,” he told the medic and the metallic yellow `Bot practically bolted out the door. With a grin, Optimus went back to sorting as the three alternately came in and out the main hanger with assorted loads of items as they emptied the container as to carry it more easily.

Optimus suddenly paused and looked up as Red Alert and Ratchet entered carrying one of Ratchet's larger machines. “Did you hear something?” he asked them.

“What?” Ratchet said as the two dropped the item.

Optimus winced at the loud bang the machinery made. “Never mind.”

Red Alert shrugged as he trotted off after Ratchet and soon the three returned, lugging the box along. “Where should we put it?” Ironhide asked as he struggled with his own end as the other two shared the burden on the other side.

“You're asking me?” Optimus chuckled. “Well, not by my desk. Perhaps closer to Ratchet's med bay so he could have easier access to his tools?”

“Sounds good to me,” Ratchet's voice floated over the container. Ironhide nodded and soon the three were maneuvering their way towards the med bay.

Optimus set aside his pad as he sat back and watched his companions trying to situate the box. “Red, more to the left,” he called out helpfully. “No, no MY left,” he corrected as Red Alert started walking into the wall. “Now Ratchet, you may want to shift the top corner up a little more, it's starting to lean and I don't think `Hide-”

“Do you want to come over here and help us?” Ironhide suddenly snapped in agitation.

“Nah, you guys are doing great!”

Ironhide shook his head, completely annoyed at their leader's lack of help. “Okay, when he goes into recharge, then we mutiny! All agreed say `aye'!”

“AYE!” Two voices chorused.

“NAY!” Optimus countered. “'Cause if you mutiny, then you have to do the paperwork and the negotiating and the planning and the-”

“All opposed?” Ironhide interrupted hastily as they dropped the box and two individual “nay's” quickly followed. There were smiles all around as the three started re-sorting and organizing the different items to go into the “safe”. Optimus snickered as he continued reading when he heard it again. It was a sort of hissing, snapping sound. Optimus froze as he strained to hear it again.

“My tools have to go in last,” Ratchet was insisting on the other side of the room. “I need quick access to them.”

Ironhide made a short scoffing sound. “Yes, oh powerful one,” he mocked. “And what do we do if all the ammo is in the back and we're being attacked?”

“Well what will you do if you're injured and I have to go digging for my tools?” Ratchet countered.

“Well then we'll just have to not get shot!” Ironhide grinned as he hefted two of his spare cannon modulations. The gunner set the pieces next to the boxcar and was just turning to retrieve more when he paused. Head tilted to the side, he turned back around and made his way towards the center of the room. “Hey Optimus, what's that noise?”

“So there is a noise!” Optimus said relieved, setting the data pads aside. “Then I'm not going crazy.”

“Well that's debatable,” Ratchet announced as he yanked out his buzz saw and threw `Hides cannons into the box.

“No, I hear it too!” Red Alert stated as he too moved to the center of the room and tilted his head to listen. “It a kind of grinding sound…” he mused when he suddenly straightened and pulled out his own blaster cannons. “Perhaps the Decepticons are trying to break into our base by digging a sub-tunnel and emerging right in the center of headquarters!” he gasped as he aimed his weapons at the ground.

Ironhide shook his head in disbelief. “I would think digging would be your forte,” he replied as he moved about the room trying to find the source of the noise. He paused at one of the “tables”. “I think it's coming from over here,” he stated as he took a few steps forward then back again to his original position. “Yep, it's coming from over here.”

The others soon made their way over towards the top kick and they all froze as they listened. “I don't hear anything,” Ratchet muttered.

“Then get your hearing fixed old timer, `cause we all hear it,” Ironhide gripped.

Ratchet gasped, affronted by `Hide's statement. “You're older than me!”

“SHHH!” Both Red and Optimus hushed them and soon they were all listening again.

“I tell you, I don't hear anything,” Ratchet insisted after a while. “Besides, the only thing over here is the few pieces of the new transmitter we were finally able to slap together.” Three heads shot up and they all stared at each other before whirling towards Ratchet who was slowly backing away from the combined stares. “What? What'd I say?”

“Ironhide!” Optimus barked.

“Got it!” `Hide bent down and lifted the hefty piece of machinery.

“Red Alert, help me clear the table,” the big rig ordered as he was already moving an arm across the top of the table, swiping the multitude of carefully sorted pads back to the floor. Ironhide brought over the machine and dropped it onto the cleared space. A few more hissings and snaps sounded out from the machine and now Ratchet too was looking at the transmitter in disbelief.

“It can't be! It's only half built!” he cried in shock.

“Well obviously it was enough!” Optimus grinned as he began fiddling with the knobs and dials. “Someone is trying to contact us.”

The others grinned as they all watched Optimus tinker with the controls. “Should you be the one doing this?” Ratchet teased. “You know what happened to the last one.” Optimus took a moment to turn around and whack Ratchet on the arm. Red and Ironhide both snickered as they all listened for any distinguishable sound within the static. “Better not be that `Houston' guy again,” Ironhide muttered.

“SHHH!”

“I'm just saying…” Ironhide replied.

There was a long silence. Nothing but the continued static filled the room. Then they heard it!

“-Op… …ime…eed…find…Auto…unit…eeljac…-”

The four Autobots froze and turned to look at one another in complete joyful surprise before all four of them jumped up and let out a huge cheer. It was Wheeljack! They had received the small signal that Optimus and Ratchet had managed to get out. The others were coming!

Ironhide threw back his head as uncontrollable laughter erupted from his voice box and Red Alert was now jumping up and down, unable to remain still with all the excitement. Ratchet was not laughing but his grin was even wider than Optimus thought possible as the medic turned towards his friend. “He's coming!” Ratchet cried out in happy disbelief. Optimus smiled as he walked over and engulfed his friend in a hug. “He's coming Optimus!” Ratchet said again with a laugh.

“Yes, I heard!” Optimus laughed himself.

“GROUP HUG!” Optimus and Ratchet laughed joyfully as Red Alert came over and threw his arms over both of them and soon Ironhide came over and joined the festivities.

“Okay! Okay!” Optimus disentangled himself, “let's start getting everything ready. Ironhide, could you contact Bumblebee? He needs to be notified as soon as possible. Also, we need to have Sam contact Keller again so they both need to get here ASAP!”

“Should I call Will?” Ironhide asked quickly as soon as Optimus finished. “I mean to help Sam.”

Optimus and Ratchet both shared a smirk. “Yes, alright. Call him back too.” Ironhide let out another whoop and quickly headed outside to send the signal to their lone missing comrade with Red trailing behind him like a giddy puppy.

“Holy Primus!” Ratchet was muttering. “They're actually coming! I'm actually going to see him again…” Ratchet couldn't even wipe the grin off his face as he looked at his best friend. He was overwhelmed by the joy he was feeling at that moment. Being separated for so long, there was always the possibility that one of them could have died in battle and the other would have never known. Now Ratchet had actual proof. Wheeljack was alive! He was coming here! To Earth!

Optimus chuckled as his friend's dazed look as he started retrieving the data pads from the floor. He sighed as he realized that they would have to be resorted yet again but at the moment he couldn't really care. The others were coming! With a smile, he started towards his desk when suddenly the data pads fell from his slack fingers and he just stared in shock. “What the Matrix?”

Ratchet blinked as he made his way toward his friend. “What? What's wrong?”

Optimus turned and pointed towards a conspicuously empty corner of his desk. “My data pad with the contract detail!” he cried out in complete disbelief. “It's gone!”

-To Be Continued