Trigun Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ D/Chick and County One-Shots ❯ Monologous ( Chapter 9 )

Monologous

-A D/Chick and County One-Shot Rant-

D/Chick: (Sighs sleepily, still sitting next to County on the nifty swingy-bench) My, what a nice relaxing day. No anime boys mauling my house, no unexplained explosions…this is niiice…(yawns) Right County? (Shuts her eyes sleepily)

County: (Snaps out of his daze) Huh, wha? Oh, sure…(Looks over and finds her asleep) -_- that girl sleeps way too much, I swear…(Smiles out of nowhere)

D/Chick: (Head drops onto his shoulder, still asleep)

County: (Tenses up) Aiiieee, what's the big idea?! (Realizes she's still asleep) Oh…right.

D/Chick: (Mumbles sleepily)

County: (Smiles again) Sometimes, she isn't too bad…I have to admit…(Smoothes her hair)

D/Chick: (Snuggles unconsciously)

County: (Is suddenly red at the gesture) Not…bad at all…(*smile smile*)

D/Chick: (Clutches deftly at his shirt, nestling her head with a sigh)

County: Y'know, I could really…get used to this…(Gazes at her peaceful face) She's so cute when she's sane…(Grabs one of her hands)

D/Chick: (Eyes snap open suddenly, an odd fire in them) …

County: (Keeps on looking at her) Such innocence…

D/Chick: (Starts growling and gritting her teeth) …

County: (Sighs all romantically in a sickening way)

D/Chick: (Speaks up in a sweet voice) County dearest?

County: (Jumps realizing she's awake) U-uh, y-yeah?

D/Chick: (Starts swirling her index finger on his shirt all girly-like) I have to tell you something…(Sighs)

County: (Is now comfortable) Yes? What is it?

D/Chick: (Stands up, turns on her heel, and slaps County across the face hard) GET YOUR FREAKING HANDS OFF OF ME!!! UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?!

County: (Shields himself in reflex) Yes ma'm!!!

D/Chick: (Stomps into the One-Shot house and slams the door behind her without a word)

County: (Waits for the fit of destruction inside) … (Hears nothing) … (Sighs in relief) Geez, it's not like I was feeling her up or anything…tactile-defensive wench… -_-

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County: (Opens the door to the One-Shot house cautiously, the door opening slowly with a creak while the sun leaves his shadow on the ground *like in the movies lol*) Hello? D/Chick? I'm really really sorry… (Takes a step inside, each footstep making a definite thump on the ground) …D/Chick? (Voices wavers in fear as suspenseful music plays in the background) H-hello?

D/Chick: (Drops down from the ceiling onto County, glomping him) KEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM THE ONE KNOWN AS THE SHADOW OF STEALTH, BOY!!!

County: (Screaming into the rug, paralyzed) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

D/Chick: (Rolls onto the carpet next to him, wearing a black leotard and ridiculous black cat ears on her head) BA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!! (Kicks her feet in the air) Awesome! Awesome awesome!!

County: (Sits up) Well, at least you're back to a GOOD mood…(Starts pulling at his hair) Ahhhhhhhhgg, and must you be so…so…

D/Chick: (Grins maniacally) Stealthy?

County: (Rolls his eyes) No, sneaky. You're a sneaky little wench.

D/Chick: (Pouts, cat ears flattening against her head) I'm not a wench!

County: (Pouts back) Then I'm not a Boy! (Realizes what he just said) O_O !!!

D/Chick: (Starts rolling around on the carpet in laughter) BAH HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!! (Sits up, still laughing) Gee County, I didn't know you had so many secrets kept from me!!!

County: (Waves hands around) No no no!! I didn't mean it that way!! Ahhhhhhh!!!

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D/Chick: (At her house again, typing away on the old computer upstairs *not the one in the study lol ^.~*) Howdy-ho, folks!

County: (Standing off to the side, muttering) Hick…

D/Chick: (Ignores him) I forgave County for his…(Shivers)…uncalled for actions.

County: (Crosses his arms) Basically, she tickled me until I begged for mercy.

D/Chick: (Giggles) Anywho, today we are doing something different…y'know how the first One-Shot Rant was just me going on and on about Vash with no clothes?

County: (Gags and twitches involuntarily)

D/Chick: (Hands him a picture of Sailor Moon in swimwear to calm him down) Well, that was the only true Rant…the others following were just bizarre misadventures. So today…WE ARE DOING ANOTHER TRUE RANT!! (Sparkly peace sign) Right Boy?

County: (Snaps his head up when he realizes he drooled on Sailor Moon) Huh? You called?

D/Chick: -_- whatever…anywho, first topic: Gay Boys!! (Squeals)

County: (Drops the picture and runs to the bathroom)

D/Chick: Huh? (Hears disgusting gags from the bathroom) -_- Oh geez, it's not that bad…

County: (Slams the door to the bathroom open, breathing ragged) YES, IT IS.

D/Chick: (Ignores him once again) Ok, I need to clear things up first: when I say yaoi, I mean boy-on-boy action/relationship. Not…(Shivers) well, let's not get into details. Basically, I'm not saying yaoi to suggest perverted things; I'm using that term instead of the word "gay". So I'm not being a pervert…

County: …Which you are…

D/Chick: …I'm just using that word instead of "gay". It just sounds better.

County: Or you are just really strange.

D/Chick: Shut up Boy. (Claps hands together) Ok! First subjects, Gareas and Rioroute!

County: Wha!? You MADE them gay for your own amusement!! They don't count.

D/Chick: (Giggles) Ok, ok, I admit…those two really aren't gay and/or attracted to each other in the show, but…you have to admit, they'd make a cute couple!! And Gareas so totally hits on Rioroute in a very vague and subliminal way during the show!!

County: (Sticks his tongue out) Groooooooooooss!! Can I leave now?

D/Chick: (Looks appalled) No, you may NOT leave…you must give some commentary of your own. We are a team, right?

County: (Rolls Eyes) Riiight, whatever. This is MY commentary: Maybe that "vague and subliminal" stuff is just what one would call…a friendly infatuation…

D/Chick: (Smiles smugly) My, you are certainly a creature of my imagination…

County: …And not yaoi-ness. Hm? Ever think of that? (Looks at her expectantly)

D/Chick: (Points a finger in his face) You ruin all the fun, County-Boy!! Yaoi is great!! (Smiles smugly again) Wanna know why?

County: No-

D/Chick: (Interrupts) Because what's better than one hott anime boy? (Stands up dramatically) TWO hott anime boys!! Woo!! (Starts walking around in circles with confetti flying everywhere)

County: -_- This is hardly something to be celebrated.

D/Chick: (Points finger out with a puzzled look on her face) And, y'know, how can Trowa stand his hair? I mean…I know this sounds weird…but I was just thinking: How can he (Cough) make out with someone without stabbing their eyeballs out?

County: That's random.

D/Chick: Well, it really does make one think…

County: (Grins) And who was Trowa making out with? Quatre?

D/Chick: No no no, Quatre is my man!! Besides, don't yaoi boys make you sick?

County: (Waves hand offishly) It just seems something that you would think of, Quatre and Trowa. (Starts doing an impersonation of her) Oh my god!! (Claps hands together exaggeratedly) Trowa and Quatre would be sooo cute together!! Oh my god oh my god OH MY GAWD!! (Throws hands in the air and runs around in circles) SOOO ADORABLE SOOO ADORABLE!!

D/Chick: (Sniff) That's mean. And I don't repeat everything like that.

County: (Snorts derisively) Yes you do.

D/Chick: (Turns away from him and frowns with eyes shut) Anywho, back to our topic…ok, my friend Candi thinks the concept of Vash and Wolfwood together is cute. I beg to differ.

County: (Suddenly interested) For once you don't like yaoi boys?

D/Chick: (Waves hand around) Yes, for once I don't like yaoi boys. (Holds up one finger) For one, Vash is too hott to be yaoi.

County: (Grins) According to you, Vash is too hott to be anything but Vash.

D/Chick: Exactly. He's too hott to be anything but Vash.

County: (Appalled) Oh. Wow. I'd figure you'd get mad for, you know…making fun of you. And stop repeating everything I say.

D/Chick: (Sniffs in annoyance) Yes, I would be except that you are correct for once. No, I am not repeating everything you say.

County: (Rolls eyes, now plopped on the old brown couch) Oh, hello kitty…(Strokes the gray-furred cat next to him)

D/Chick: (Slaps her hands over his mouth) Shhh!! Do you want to get us sued?!?! (Looks around tensely)

County: (Shoves her hands away, perplexed beyond belief) Wha? Huh? I'm confused.

D/Chick: (Shakes her head in pity) Nevermind…anywho, reason number two why Wolfwood and Vash are a bad idea: WOLFWOOD IS MINE DAMMIT!! (Shows a great deal of waving her fist around, bonking County on the head a few times)

County: -_- (Ignores her outburst) And stop waving your limbs around, would you?

D/Chick: Oh, sorry…(Regains her posture) I get a little carried away sometimes…^^;

County: (Exasperated) a LITTLE? SOMETIMES!?!?!

D/Chick: Shup up. (Brightens while the air sparkles) Ok! Next pair, Heero and Duo!

County: (Gags) Another GW boy pairing!?!? Have mercy, would you!?!?!?!?

D/Chick: (Starts giggling uncontrollably) They're…just…so…CUTE!! And, yes, Mistin and Jev are going to kill me for pairing their GW men together, but…they're a great conversational piece!! (Starts cracking up as County gets a O.o face)

County: (Looks disgusted) How am I supposed to respond to this? It's just horribly wrong and…and…disgusting.

D/Chick: (Beams at him and holds up a finger) No need to respond, just let me revel in the adorable-ness of it all!! BAHAHAAA!!! (Throws hands up in the air)

County: (Turns green and runs to the bathroom again) GROSS!!

D/Chick: (Starts typing away on her keyboard again, working on her P/C fanfic) Hmmm…what other yaoi-boy pairings should I bring up? Hmmm…(Cringes at her idea) Ugh, why did I think of THAT pairing? Disgusting…

County: (Bursts out of the bathroom again, the flush of the toilet heard behind him) WHAT pair? -_-

D/Chick: (Hands County a random glass if ice water) Here, drink this or you'll get dehydrated.

County: Ummm…ok…(Takes a gulp)

D/Chick: …

County: … (Takes another gulp)

D/Chick: …

County: …Are you avoiding my question? (Quirks an eyebrow at her)

D/Chick: …perhaps…

County: (-_-) What gross-beyond-belief pair did you think of now?

D/Chick: I'd rather not think of it, but if you must insist…(Shivers) Folken and…Dildo…

County: (Puzzled) Dildo? I didn't know that sex toys counted as pairi-

D/Chick: (-__- Shoves a hand over his mouth) DILANDAU, you idiot!!

County: Oh…(Cringes along with her) e