Trigun Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ D/Chick and County One-Shots ❯ The Dating Game ( Chapter 10 )

The Dating Game

-A D/Chick and County One-Shot Rant-

D/Chick: (Doing cartwheels all over the One-Shot house front lawn) YAHOO!! YIPEE!! HOORAY FOR ME!!!

County: (Bouncing on the new jumbo-sized trampoline he bought) What's-So-great-about-YOU!! (Starts making weird faces at her)

D/Chick: Why, You!!-(THONK!)

County: (Starts rolling around in perverse laughter on the stretchy surface) BA HA HA!! That was GREAT!! (Starts beating his fist on the surface, his hand bouncing and his eyes tearing up)

D/Chick: (Peels herself off of the trampoline support and grumbles) Shut up. I wasn't looking. (Rubs the big bruise on her forehead) Ouch.

County: I knew this thing would provide hours of entertainment, but…I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ENTERTAIN ME IN SO MANY WAYS!! BA HA HAAA!!!

D/Chick: (Holds a random icepack to her head) County that just sounds wrong. And your stupid trampoline blocks the front walk. (Turns to listeners) Hey there folks!! Today, me n' County are going to do a !Special-Mondo! One-Shot, in celebration of our tenth One-Shot…wow, it doesn't seem like it's really been that long…

County: (Holds up a finger) Well, if you think about it, it hasn't, because-

D/Chick: (Holds a hand up) SHUP!! It's still the tenth one, we deserve a break. Oh, and what kind of break, you ask?

County: (Confused) I didn't ask anything.

D/Chick: WE-L-L-L, it's a break that is both humorous and great for blackmail. Oh, and what IS the break?

County: I still haven't asked anything.

D/Chick: (Throws a shoe at him) THE DATING GAME SHOW!! Starring Gareas, Rioroute, INSTRUCTOR (*That's Azuma ^^;*) and Teela…it'll be great!! It'll be great!!

County: (Amused) Well…(Gets a smug smile) This might be fun!! I mean, blackmail is involved, after all…

*

*

*

(D/Chick and County are now situated on the living room sofa, waiting for The Dating Game to come on)

***

TV: (Camera pans around a cheering, happy audience, "The Dating Game" appearing over them in large orange 70's-styled text)

Announcer: He-ll-o-o-o-o there America, and welcome to The Dating Game, where someone always gets the girl in the end!

Audience: (Cheers exuberantly)

***

D/Chick: (Bouncing up and down in her seat) Yay!! It's on, it's on!!

County: (Rolls eyes) This crap is only good for blackmail, I hope you realize that.

***

Announcer: In The Dating Game, we have three ve-e-e-ryyy lucky contestants seated on these three stools (extends hand to show stools) and our Bachelor of the day on the seat to the right (extends hand to show the seat) Our Bachelor ask a question regarding personality, interests, etc, to our contestants. Each contestant gives a reply to each question, and at the end of the allotted time the Bachelor decides whom he or she likes best.

Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Announcer: Awright, now let's introduce today's contestants…Oh, lookie here, it seems that someone will get the boy in the end! Wow, this is a rare special-edition episode, folks!!

Audience: WOO-YEEEAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Announcer: Ok, now for our first contestant: GAREAS ELID!!

Gareas: (Steps out from the backstage, wearing his off-time outfit of tight white pants, skin-tight purple turtle-neckie-thing, and kick-ass *in my opinion ^.~* white boots. Smiles beautifully, the young girls in the audience swooning at how gorgeous he is.)

Announcer: Gareas enjoys saving the world from plight and underwater basket weaving!

Gareas: (Takes a seat at the left-most stool, eyeing the other seats)

Announcer: Next contestant, RIOROUTE VILGYNA!!!

Rioroute: (Steps out from backstage, wearing his wife-beater and baggy pants, ridiculous orange headband tied on as usual. Swaggers to the stool next to Gareas, grinning like an idiot while the girls ogle his fine little behind *yee, I'm so naughty! ^.^*)

Gareas: (Gawks unbelievingly at Rioroute. The audience girls notice and start laughing)

Announcer: Rioroute likes to blow things up gratuitously and eat like a fiend. (Turns) And, finally…AZUMA HIJIKATA!!!

Azuma: (Walks on, acting like the poser he is. The older audience women start squealing)

Announcer: Azuma enjoy wearing pants so tight that his voice goes up an octave and investing in vast quantities of nose-glue!!

Azuma: (Sits down all sexy-like on the stool, the glasses never budging)

Announcer: AWRIGHT, and now for our bachelorette, TEELA ZAIN ELMES!!!

Teela: (Steps out from back stage in her skanky little outfit, every single click of her boots echoing off the floor)

Audience: (Completely silent. A cough from the back is heard)

Announcer: Eh, Teela enjoys being a cold heartless bitch, and…uhh (Checks card in his hand) that's all… (^^;)

Teela: (Takes a seat. The deathly look on her face never changes)

Announcer: (Turns back to audience) AWRIIIIGHT!! Now let's get down the game! (Big chord of music plays)

Audience: (Picks back up on the cheering somewhat awkwardly)

***

County: (Ogling Teela) WOAH, check out the rack on that babe!!

D/Chick: (SMACK!) -___- …

***

Teela: (Straightens out her cards all smart-like) Bachelor number one…

Gareas: (Raises a hand) Ai?

Teela: -.- Yes, you, just what is your nick name that several or maybe just one person calls or refers to you by?

Gareas: Well…(Suave grin) Some call me Garu, but…little do they KNOW (The light glints and sparkles off his teeth) I AM THE BAD-ASSED AVENGER!! FEAR ME VICTIM, THE BAD ASS WILL GET YOUR ASS AND THEN KILL IT BECAUSE THE BAD ASS HAS NO NEED FOR YOUR ASS MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (Laughs manically)

Teela: … (no comment *wise choice ^.~*)

***

D/Chick: o.O Since when did Gareas get so weird?

***

Teela: (Straightens out her cards again) Bachelor number two, just what is your favorite meal, or perhaps favorite meals because many people enjoy more than one meal because choice happens to be a great thing in today's society but you may only have one favorite meal because G.O.A. is boring like that but still there is a day-to-day selection and difference, just answer the question all ready before I go on any further.

Rioroute: (O.O) Wha?

***

County: (Snorts) The chick may be racked, but she's helluva confusing.

*The ring of a doorbell is heard*

D/Chick: (Sits up from her lounging) Eh? (Jumps up and bolts to the door)

County: (-.-) Who is it now?

D/Chick: (Opens door)

County: (Listens intently to the girlish squealing and exchanged greetings curiously) … (Gets up)

D/Chick: (Notices County out of the corner of her eye) Oh! (Grabs County's arm and yanks him toward the other two teenage girls by the door) This is County!!

Candi: (Blinks)

Munki: (Blinks)

County: Uhh…

Candi: (Points finger incredulously) Oh my gosh, you're that sarcastic guy in my Language class!!

Munki: (Points finger incredulously) OH MAH GOSH YOU IS THAT SENOR SEXY GUY!!

County: (Covers his ears) Eeeee…yes, I am that man!

D/Chick: County, I would like you to meet Candi…(Signals to the insanely-grinning girl with dark skin and dark hair wearing a banana shirt)

Candi: (Waves) HEY!!

D/Chick: …And Munki!! (Signals to the tall girl with red hair wearing the Green Day shirt)

Munki: (Obnoxiously loud) HEYYYY!!

County: Erm…nice (rolls eyes) to…meet…you… (Sweatdrops) Are all your friends this weird?

D/Chick: (Observes Candi and Munki singing the Grape Song while jumping around insanely)

Munki: THREW A GRAPE, AT YOUR-

Candi: HEAD!!

Munki: OH, HOW I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!!

D/Chick: (Turns back to County) ^^; Yah…

***

*Meanwhile, during all of this, a commercial break was taking place…*

Rioroute: (Strolling around backstage) Wow…(Lifts his arms up and puts hands behind his head)

Teela: … (Walks away to the bathroom)

Gareas: (Grinning like an idiot) Man, this game is SO awesome…

Instructor: (Smirks mischievously) Oh, and why so?

Gareas: Because…(Eyes unconsciously wander to Rioroute)

Rioroute: (Looks up from the refreshment table with cheetos sticking out of his mouth) Huh?

Gareas: (Gets a weird-nervous look on his face and turns away, bright red)

Instructor: (Rolls eyes) Being around you is like reading a friggin' book…

Rioroute: (Comes up to Garu and Azuma, carrying a soda in one hand) Hey guys! The food's awesome, you should try it!! (Slaps Gareas heartily on the back)

Gareas: O.O (His blush rises up slowly *like in anime lol*)

Instructor: (Walks over and observes the half-eaten fruit tray and four empty chip bags) Right, WAS awesome…

Rioroute: (Chugs a whole Jolt Soda down in one gulp)

Gareas: (!!!) WHA!?!? OH MY GOD ARE YOU AN IDIOT!?!?

Rioroute: (Tosses the soda can away with an innocent face) What?

Gareas: WHAT!? Why are you asking WHA-

Rioroute: (Eyes start twitching)

Gareas: o.O

Rioroute: (Thumps onto the ground and convulses spastically)

Gareas: (Jumps back) AHG!

Instructor: (Meanwhile, Azuma slips a small bottle out from inside his jacket. He unscrews the cap and pours the clear liquid into the miraculously-untouched punch bowl) Heh…

Stage Person: HEY, we're on in- (Sees Rio twitching on the floor) uhh, in two…yeah.

Instructor: (Puts bottle back and walks away with hands in pockets, whistling)

Gareas: (Leaves Rio on the floor) Boy-oh-boy, am I thirsty…(Approaches the punch bowl)

*Dun-Dun-Duuunnnn!!!*

***

*Back on the sofa…*

Candi: (Suddenly clings to D/Chick's arm with a desperate look on her face) Do you have any cheese?

D/Chick: (Grins) Of course! There's a nice big can of Cheez Whiz in the fridge, just for you.

Munki: O.O (Still staring at the T.V. screen) You have…cheese?

TV: "Kraft cheese…C-H-E-E-S-E!"

D/Chick: ^^; yeah.

Munki: I think I'm in heaven…(Faints in happiness)

D/Chick: (Shakes head at Munki) Hey, Candi-(Turns and finds her gone)

Candi: (An insane-sounding cackle is heard from the kitchen)

County: (-.-) You people are too strange…

***

Announcer-Guy: HEY FOLKS, and welcome back to The Dating Game, where someone ends up dating a complete and total stranger who can't get dates on his/her own in the first place IN THE END!

Audience: (Half-cheers at the weird comment)

Wolfwood: (In the audience) Hey, just why is that Rio-kid twitching like a maniac?

Rioroute: (Convulsing on the stool, eyes bugging out of his head) JOLT. JOLT. (Twitch)

Wolfwood: (Shakes head)…And that gay guy looks stoned. Hm, wonder what happened?

Gareas: (Sitting on his stool contently, staring off into space with glazed eyes)

Folken: (Sitting next to Wolfwood) Beats me…(Shrugs)

Teela: (Shuffles cards pertly) Bachelor number three…

Azuma: (Suave grin) Sexy man from heaven speaking!!

Teela: (Rolls eyes) What is your hobby?

Azuma: (Thinks) … (Thinks some more) …uhh, well…(Scratches head) …I enjoy posing in my smart-ass pants!!

***

D/Chick: (Shrieks all girly-like) YEEE!! GO INSTRUCTOR PANTS!!

Candi: (Drools, unashamed)

Munki: (Looks content, a pile of empty Cheez Whiz cans at her feet)

***

Teela: (Straightens out cards again) Bachelor number One… (Unsatisfied, takes cards and holds them up in front of her face to straighten out) What…(fiddles) …is…your…(Checks card again) …fav…or…ite…(Misreads card) Cooler?

Rioroute: (Twitches) I NEED TO BE PUT (Twitch) IN A COOLER…(Convulses) I CAN'T STOP MOVING…(Jerks and falls off the stool)

Gareas: (Snaps out of his trance and waves his hand around spastically) I LIKE COOLERS!! (Hands shake around with big bulgy eyes) I NEED ONE…RIGHT NOW!! AHG!!! (Clutches head in madness)

Rioroute: (Lying on the ground)

Gareas: (Falls out of stool) OOF!!

Azuma: (Snarls while waving a fist) GET UP YOU LADIES!! (<<< heh reflex)

Rioroute: (Jumps back up with still-huge eyes) I NEED A BIGGER BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. AHHHHHHH!!! (Starts smacking his face) GET THEM OFF OF ME!!! NOOOOOO NOT THE EVIL BEES!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGG!!!

Gareas: (Still sprawled on the floor with his butt sticking in the air) umg…

Teela: (Eyebrow starts twitching as she keeps on straightening the cards) Bachelor…NUMBER TWO!! (Bristling)

Gareas: (Head snaps up, the rest of him still sprawled) YES MAM!!

Teela: (Grinds teeth in anger at the cards) WHY MUST YOU BE AN UNCOOPERATIVE SET OF PAPER LOSERS THAT ARE CUT UNEVENLY!?!?!?

Gareas: (Stands up swaying) Umg…ok. (Starts laughing at nothing)

Rioroute: (Running around the studio swatting himself)

Gareas: (Scratches himself) … (O.O) … (Sees Rio spanking himself and starts chasing) HERE LEMME HELP YOU!!

***

D/Chick: o.O ………… (Speechless)

Candi: (^_^) This is awesome!

County: (Hunched over in perverse laughter while pointing at the TV) BA HA HAAAA!!! THIS IS GREAT!!

Television: (Shows Gareas chasing/spanking Rio, with Azuma standing in the middle mouthing off orders. Teela is screaming like a banshee while tearing her index cards to shreds)

Munki: (Lounged on the sofa) Whatever… (Rolls eyes) I have no idea how you can actually like these people…

***

Teela: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!! (Tearing the shreds into more shreds) (Shrieks piercingly)

Anouncer: (Checks cards again) Oh yeah! Teela is a cold, heartless bitch AND is anal retentive!!

Azuma: (Standing up on his stool, hands on hips) YOU MORONS WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?

Rioroute: (Zooms by and bumps Azuma's stool)

Azuma: Oof! (Falls off unceremoniously)

Rioroute: (Runs until he stops directly in front of the camera) Hey there America! (Gives a salute and belches loudly) JOLT! (Falls back in a faint)

Gareas: (Runs up behind) GET BACK HERE BIG BOY-WHOA! (Trips over Rio's limbs and smashes his face all over the camera)

Camera: (Crashes to the floor and goes blank)

***

D/Chick: o.O ……………. (Still petrified ^^;)

Candi: O.O WHOA! O.O

Munki: (Cracking up insanely)

County: (Doing the same)

Television: (Turns blue. Elevator music comes on) Oops! Technical difficulties! We'll be back in a jiffy, kids!

D/Chick: (Faints)

Television: (Comes back on)

Azuma: (In the camera) Peace out…(Does peace-sign-kiss) Yeahhhhhh… (Grins all sexy like, a front tooth missing)

-El Fin ^^;-

Munki: (Imitates Rio in a really strange voice) Hey there America! (Does the same sloppy salute and rips a really loud burp)

Candi: (Imitates Azuma) Peace Aughhhhhttttttt!!! (Makes peace sign and grins, permanent marker covering one tooth) Yahhhhhhhhhhh…

County: (Hiding behind the pile of Cheez-Whiz cans) O.O

Candi: WE (indicating her and Munki) Have to do the ending note because our dear friend is still in shock…

D/Chick: (Lying back-flat on the sofa with huge glazed eyes, chanting) Shock. Shock. Shock…

Munki: (Starts crooning out a Green Day tune as well as a cheese-drunken person can)

WOO-YEAHHHHHH!!!

Candi: (Joins along)

County: (Now out from hiding, dabbing D/Chick's forehead with a cloth) Hey, be quiet! You're scaring D/Chick!!

D/Chick: (Still glazed) FEAR. FEAR. FEAR…

Candi: (Takes Zell Plushy and puts it in D/Chick's arms)

Munki: (Moves D/Chick's jaw and imitates her in a weird voice) SEE. YOU. UNTIL NEXT TIME. FOR NEXT. INTERESTING. ONE SHOT. LATER!

Candi and Munki: (Run Home laughing like morons)

County: (Shakes head and walks into the kitchen with hands in pockets) Fools…all fools….

EL Fin ^^;-