Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Forever Mine ❯ Painful Memories ( Chapter 28 )

 

Disclaimer: Hmmm... I own my kids (Because I made them) I own my husband, (Because the Marriage License says so) and I own a REALLY big mortgage. (Because I'm stupid and signed on the dotted line.) However I don't own Trigun. (Because if I did, I wouldn't have said mortgage.)

“blah blah” : talking

`blah blah' : thinking

“blah blah” : telepathic talking

blah blah : other misc. stuff.

 

*~*~*

 

Forever Mine

Chapter 28: Painful Memories

 

 

 

“Knives, what did you do to her?” Vash growled as he strode up the hill in the rec room and stood before his brother.

 

“Don't worry brother, I didn't hurt her,” he quietly murmured, continuing to stare out into the openness.

 

“Well, what happened? She has been unconscious since yesterday,” he asked, while sitting down next to his brother and matching his reclining form by leaning up against the towering tree. However, Knives refused to reply as he continued to stare straight ahead. After a few unnerving moments, Vash started internally pleading to his brother, “Please Knives, talk to me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not? This is my fourth time trying to get you to open up about this. I just want to help you!”

 

“I can't.”

 

“Why can't you?”

 

“Because, damn it!”

 

“Knives, I have been worried sick about this, about you… and I'm not leaving your side until you open up. You know I can feel the turmoil.”

 

“Vash…” Knives warned, meaning that he was getting tired of his brother's persistence.

 

“At least tell me why she has been unconscious for so long!”

 

Knives closed his eyes as he brought his hands up to his face and rubbed in frustration. How could he tell his brother what he did to the human without revealing the past to him? He couldn't. Once he told him that he sent his memories to McKenna, Vash would instantly want to know what he sent and why he had shown her.

 

He didn't even know why he had shown her. He could only surmise that he did it because he was getting too close to the human and it bothered him. Knives didn't want to become attached to anything, especially something from a subservient class. So, he decided to break the connection they shared before it became too strong. And the only way he knew how to effectively do that was to show her exactly what he was…

 

A monster.

 

So, he sent the images to McKenna. Everything from his past and now that she knew what he had done she should despise him, loathe him, effectively severing the attraction that she had for him. The older twin should have been glad that it was over, but, ironically, he wasn't. It hurt knowing that the woman would hate him now. He didn't expect to feel so empty inside. Actually, he didn't expect to feel at all.

 

Knives knew that he needed to tell his brother and that worried him. How would Vash react once he found out what Steve had done to him so long ago? Would he loathe him as well, knowing that his brother was violated in such a degrading way? However, he also knew that he couldn't avoid the inevitable. Besides, Vash deserved to know.

 

Breathing in deeply, he lowered his hands to his bent knees. On the exhale, he opened his ice-blue eyes and looked to his brother. Once meeting his brother's pain filled aqua orbs, he whispered, “She has been unconscious because I overloaded her brain with images.”

 

“Images? Vash began, furrowing his brow as confusion took over. “Images of what, Knives?”

 

“Everything,” he sighed, looking to the ground in between his bent legs. “I showed her everything that happened in the past. Everything I did and…”

 

“And?”

 

“What happened to me…” he mentally whispered as he ran his right hand through his hair and glanced over to his brother before returning to his original position.

 

“I don't understand?” Vash muttered as he scratched the back of his head. “What happened to you?”

 

With another sigh, Knives asked Vash if he was sure he wanted to know. When he said that he was, the platinum blonde sent him the same memories that he sent McKenna. The pain filled memories, some that Vash already knew about and some that he… didn't.

 

Vash sat there in utter shock as the reflections were fed to him. When the barrage was finally over, he just sat there with his elbows resting on his knees while he cradled his head in his hands. Trying to digest everything that happened to his twin and he didn't realized how much pain his brother had to endure until that moment.

 

`No wonder he hated humans so much,' Vash thought to himself while the pictures of Steve continued to flash in his mind. He couldn't believe all of the vicious things that the bastard had done to his twin. The beatings, alone, were ten times worse and when he recalled the time in the cold sleep chamber, a cold shiver ran down his spine. The son of a bitch molested Knives, his own twin, while saying that he was doing it to show dominance.

 

“Christ,” Vash muttered to himself as he raised his head and looked over at his brother, who was still staring intently at the ground. He felt the anxiety rolling off of his brother and new that the confession troubled him greatly. Although, the younger sibling didn't understand why he didn't tell him, tell Rem. If he would have, would there have been a different outcome?

 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Vash quietly asked as he ran a hand through his shoulder length locks. “Why Knives?”

 

“How could I?”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm your brother damn it!” he bit out angrily, realizing that the whole thing really pissed him off. After all, something horrendous happened to his brother and he didn't trust him enough to tell him?

 

“I mean… I was too afraid… to tell you…” he replied, whispering the last three words.

 

“Afraid?! You're fucking kidding me, right?” Vash spat as he stood and started to pace in front of the tree. “Knives… you should have told me, told Rem. You know damn well she would have made sure he was punished for what he did to you. God, she thought of us as her own, for Christ sake!”

 

“No Vash, you don't get it!” Knives replied angrily as he stood as well. “That fucking bastard humiliated me and I needed to take care of him. Not Rem… Me!”

 

“But Rowan and Mary, they had nothing to do with it. They even liked us!”

 

“I used them to get back at Steve, nothing more, nothing less. How was I supposed to know that Rowan would go crazy?” Knives replied defensively. “I honestly didn't plan that, but when it happened and he pointed the gun at me, something snapped and I went with it.”

 

“God Knives, I'm your brother…” he muttered as the sadness took over, causing his eyes to glaze over with unshed tears. After stopping the pacing and facing his brother, he added, “You should've told me. I would have been there for you…”

 

“I was too ashamed to tell you,” Knives revealed to him as he felt tears pricking his own eyes. Then as he lowered his head in shame, he telepathically added, “I didn't want you to think I was unworthy,”

 

“I would never think that, you're my brother and I love you, Knives,” Vash said with conviction before he walked up to his bother and enveloped him in a comforting hug.

 

“I'm sorry Vash,” he replied quietly after a moment as the tears started to flow freely down his cheeks. He then pulled away from his brother and wiped the wetness from his face. “Ya' know… I haven't cried since the first time you shot me.”

 

“Well… they say that tears help cleanse the soul, brother,” Vash pointed out with a small smile.

 

“Perhaps,” Knives simply said before stating that he wanted to be alone for awhile.

 

“All right, but I do have one question,” Vash said before he took his leave.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Why did you show red?”

 

Knives stood in silence, while contemplating the question for a moment. He still wasn't exactly sure why and knew that he would spend quite a bit of time analyzing the situation. Then with a sigh, he replied, “I'm not quite certain…”

 

Vash stared at his brother a saw the confusion in his eyes and realized that the little redhead had somehow affected is twin. His smile became a little brighter as he told him that it was okay not to know and that he if he wanted to talk about it, all he had to do was ask. He then slowly turned to head down the hill.

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

Milly's baby-blue eyes intently watched over the redhead, hoping to see a sign of her friend waking. Unfortunately, twenty-four hours had passed since the incident and it worried her greatly knowing that her friend hadn't shown any signs of improvement. Since Knives hadn't talked to his brother about the situation as of yet, they weren't even sure what exactly happened. However, the Doc did run some tests on McKenna and said that the scan came back reflecting some erratic brainwaves. Almost as if Knives had entered her mind and caused the distress. Unfortunately, without knowing exactly what he did, they didn't know how, or even if, they could treat her. The Doc advised to keep the young doctor comfortable and hope that she would come out of it in time. Therefore, they decided to move her from the infirmary to her own quarters. So, the insurance girls, Vash, and even Jessica could keep her surrounded with familiarity and take turns watching over her.

 

`But why would Mr. Knives do that?' Milly thought as she rose from the chair, beside the redhead's bed, and walked out into the living area. She glanced over to the couch and saw her partner lying upon it, trying to catch a couple hours of much needed sleep. “Finally sleeping,” she whispered, realizing that Meryl hadn't slept, at all, since waking Monday morning. “Neither has Mr. Vash,” she mumbled before heading over to the kitchen to make some tea.

 

A few minutes later, the big-girl, with cup in tow, started to head back to McKenna's room so she could continue watching over her charge. However, the door opening stopped her in her tracks as she turned her attention to the entrance and saw Vash wearily walk through. “Mr. Vash you look awful. Did you talk to your brother?”

 

“Hey big-girl,” he responded with a small smile as he walked up to the statuesque beauty. “Yeah, he finally opened up to me and said that he didn't do anything to red other than send her some images.”

 

“Gee… you mean like pictures? I didn't know he owned a camera?”

 

“Not those kind of images. He mentally sent his memories to her.”

 

“Oh… well, what wrong with her then?” she asked as they both headed back to Mac's room.

 

“Sensory overload, I guess you could call it,” he muttered before he looked down upon the unconscious woman. “It looks like she has some of her color back.”

 

“Yeah, it sure does, maybe she will wake soon,” Milly hopefully replied as she looked up to the blonde man and saw his guilt ridden expression. “Ummm… Mr. Vash?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You know that this wasn't your fault, right?”

 

“I know,” he sighed before rubbing his eyes with his hands before bringing his attention to the big-girl. “I still feel guilty, though. He's my brother and I should have been there for him and I wasn't.”

 

“For what Mr. Vash? You are always there for him…” she curiously wondered as sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for Vash to sit in the unoccupied chair.

 

“Well, he sent pictures of his past to red here instead of me. Things that happened to him that I had no idea about, things that made him hate humanity,” he whispered sadly as he leaned forward in the chair and rested his forearms on his thighs. “He said that he was too ashamed to tell Rem and me. So, he let it all fester inside causing the burning hatred. I just can't help but think that if he would have told me, then things could have turned out much differently.”

 

“But Mr. Vash… it's in the past and there's no use in crying over spilt milk… or was it whiskey or maybe tea… hmmm… Anyhow, you can't undo it. So, there's no use in worrying about it now, right?!” she lightly scolded before adding with a big smile, “Besides, you're here for your brother now and that's more important! So, you can help him open his heart and learn to love again, especially since no one has a bigger heart than you, Mr. Vash!”

 

“I don't know Milly, I think you have me beat,” he replied with a small smile. “I think your heart his much bigger than mine.”

 

“Nah, I don't know about that…” she said with a small giggle while observing as the handsome blonde stifled a yawn. “Why don't you go and lay down for a spell. You sure look like you could use a nap!”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Sure am! Besides, Sempai would probably sleep better knowing that you were near by.”

 

“Okay big-girl, but if anything changes with red, please wake me,” he said as he rose from the chair and headed back into the living room.

 

“Sure will Mr. Vash!” she chirped to his retreating figure as she moved to sit in the once occupied chair.

 

“Man… if she ever realizes just how smart really she is… oooh scary thought,” he mumbled to himself as he walked over to the living area and sat on the couch next to his short-girl. With a small smile, he let his gaze wander over her lovely appearance and sighed before he reached out and lightly caressed her ankle.

 

“Mmm… Vash?”

 

“Shhh… go to sleep.”

 

“Gee… that sounds familiar,” Meryl whispered as she opened her weary eyes and smiled at the gunman. “You said that to me in the truck, remember?”

 

“Oh yeah, I did, didn't I,” he replied as his smiled brightened, while recalling the very pleasant memory. “I'm definitely glad you didn't listen to me, short-girl.”

 

“Yeah, I bet you are,” she replied dryly, while sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “What time is it?”

 

“A little after three, I suppose.”

 

“That's all.”

 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, trying to stifle another yawn.

 

“Oh Vash, you're exhausted. Why don't you lie down and I'll go fix you some tea,” Meryl softly ordered as she started to rise from the couch.

 

“That's okay, Meryl,” he replied, while grabbing her left hand and pulled her to him. “I just need a little nap with my insurance girl, is all,” the exhausted man declared as he started lay sideways against the back of the couch, bringing Meryl with him. He then wrapped his arms around her as she moved her right one around his waist while nuzzling into his chest and shoulder.

 

“Ummm… Vash?” Meryl asked as she brought her left hand up to play with the buttons on his shirt.

 

“Hmmm…”

 

“Is… your brother okay?”

 

“Ya' know… I really think is…” he replied slowly as a small smile graced his lips.

 

“I'm glad,” she whispered before asking, “Did he say anything about McKenna?”

 

“He did and he said that he didn't hurt her.”

 

“Thank God. Do you think she'll wake soon?”

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

“Good,” she whispered before yawning, “What…”

 

“Meryl… I'll tell you everything later, but for now let's sleep, Angel,” Vash interrupted before lightly kissing her on the forehead.

 

“Kay,” she drowsily replied before letting sleep reclaim her with Vash immediately following there after.

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

“Uuuugh… my head” McKenna moaned as she placed her left hand on her head and slowly sat up in her bed. Once the acute pain in her head became bearable, she tentatively opened her eyes and let her gaze wander around the familiar space. She realized that she was in her room and that she wasn't alone. Milly was sitting next to her staring at her curiously. “Milly, what's going on?”

 

“Oh Miss. Mac, I'm so glad you're awake!” the big-girl excitedly chirped. “We've been so worried. Ya' know you've been unconscious since yesterday morning.”

 

“What?”

 

“Gee… don't you remember?”

 

“Aaaah… No,” she replied as confusion mixed with the throbbing pain in her head. “Why does my head hurt so much?”

 

“Oh here,” Milly said as she picked up two tablets and a glass from the nightstand and handed them to the redhead. “Mr. Doc said that you would probably need these when you woke up.”

 

“Thank you,” she mumbled before she took the medication. “God, I feel like shit,” she added mostly to herself as she handed the glass back to the tall brunette.

 

“What do you remember, Miss Mac?”

 

“Well…” she started as she closed her eyes and rubbed them before opening them back up and reached for her glasses on the nightstand. Once she had them in place she added, “Ummm… I remember, Tommy… Oh, is he okay?”

 

“Yep, he sure is!” she exclaimed with a big smile. “Do you remember anything after that?”'

 

“Ummm… I faintly recall going up to the cold sleep chamber… but…” she trailed off as she furrowed her brow in frustration. “I…I don't know…”

 

“Hmmm… let me get Mr. Vash and Sempai and they can help fill you in,” Milly quietly spoke as she rose from the chair. “Miss Mac, can I get you anything?”

 

“Actually, I just want to take a shower,” she groaned as she rolled out of bed and headed over to her dresser to pull out some clean underclothes.

 

“Okie dokie, I'll go and wake them while you're showering, then.”

 

“Where are they?” she asked while she stepped over to the closet and pulled out a soft green scoop neck tee shirt and a pair of loose fitting khakis.

 

“Oh they've been sleeping on your couch for about an hour now.”

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

Thirty minutes later, Mac found herself standing in her bathroom drying her hair, while still trying to figure out what exactly happened and why she had been asleep for so long. With a sigh, she flipped her head over and winced as a sharp pain shot through her head from the sudden motion.

 

`I told you spider that I was a monster.'

 

`That sentence…' she thought as it all came flooding back to her. She remembered meeting Knives in the cold sleep chamber, him pushing her up against the glass with his body, and then the memories, his memories… all of the horrible things that happened to him.

 

“Oh Knives,” she sobbed, dropping the hair dryer as she crumbled to the floor. She remembered everything. It all came flooding back to her as she simply sat there with her legs folded underneath her. With her hands cupping her face, she cried.

 

She cried for the little boy who became the killer of millions all because of one man. And she cried for the man who never knew that there could be so much more for him other than coldness and disdain. Her tears fell for him in currents until she heard someone knocking on the door. A moment later, a very concerned insurance girl called out to her.

 

“McKenna can I come in, are you okay?” Meryl asked through the door.

 

“Ahhh… yeah, hold on a minute,” she quickly replied as she stood and hastily wiped the tears away from her eyes. She then grabbed her glasses from the counter and opened the door. There before her were the two insurance girls who ushered her out into the living area where Vash, the Doc, and Jessica stood, eagerly waiting for confirmation that she was okay.

 

“How do you feel?” the Doc ask as he walked up her.

 

“My head hurts like I have a really bad hangover, but other than that I'm fine,” she replied as she ran her hand through her damp hair.

 

“Well, I still want to check you out, just in case,” Doc calmly stated before adding, “Shall we head over to the infirmary?”

 

“Okay Doc, let me go and get my shoes,” she quietly agreed before she went to grab her loafers from her bedroom.

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Mac was given a clean bill of health from the Doc and was sitting in the white chair while everyone else anxiously looked at her.

 

“Hey, red?” Vash started, breaking the tension, as he pulled away from Jessica, who was clinging on his arm. Then as he sat on a stool right next to her, he continued, “Are you okay? We heard you crying in the bathroom...”

 

“I guess so, I… ahhh… I finally remembered what your brother sent me and… oh God… It was horrible…” she answered with tears in her eyes as the last part came out a mere whisper. Vash just told her it was going to be okay before he rose from his seat and pulled the redhead into his chest, letting her cry.

 

Once her tears lessened, she pulled away from the handsome blonde and replied with a quiet `thank you' before removing her glasses and wiping them off with her shirt. Once she had them back in place, she gave everyone a small smile.

 

“Oh Mac, are you sure you are all right?” Jessica asked as she stepped back up to Vash and linked her left arm with his right, which caused the shorter insurance girl to roll her eyes. “I mean with what he did to you and all.”

 

“But, he didn't do anything… not really,” she replied using a defensive tone as she looked at the green eyed woman. “He just sent me his memories… his tragic past,” she softly added before she brought her gaze up to Vash's aqua blues and asked, “Mr. Vash where's Knives now?”

 

“Well, he hasn't left the rec room since yesterday afternoon,” he said, while pulling away from Jessica again and walking over to stand behind the two insurance girls. “Why?” he asked, while watching as Mac hopped down from the chair and saw the sorrow etched all over her face.

 

“I…I want to go and see him is all.”

 

“Are you sure, McKenna?” Meryl asked as she stepped up to her friend and grabbed her hand. “I mean… you've only been awake for about an hour.”

 

“Yeah, I'm sure,” she replied with a reassuring squeeze to Meryl's hand before letting it go. Then with a deep and calming breath, she quickly walked out the infirmary doors.

 

“Vash shouldn't we follow…” the short-girl stammered as she started to follow the young doctor.

 

“Oh no… you don't,” he muttered, while grabbing the back of Meryl's shirt and pulling her to him.

 

“But Vash…” she groused, trying to pull away from him.

 

“No, short-girl… this is something red needs to do and on her own,” Vash advised as he turned her around and placed his hands on her shoulders. Meryl looked up to him in confusion and saw a pleading look crossing his features. As comprehension over the entire situation dawned on her, she gave him a small smile and nodded her head in agreement. Then with a hint of mischief in his voice, he let go of her shoulders and said, “Besides, you can't go insurance girl.”

 

“And pray tell why not?”

 

“Because I'm getting hungry and only you can fill me up,” he replied cheekily as he moved his eyebrows up and down.

 

“Ugh… whatever,” she muttered, while rolling her eyes.

 

“Or… is it a hunger were I fill you up, short-girl!” he supplied in a husky tone that made Meryl blush in embarrassment.

 

That is, until she realized who else was in the room with them. The petite woman quickly glanced over to Jessica and saw that she was extremely displeased. Becoming very irritated with the whole thing, she quickly took it out on Vash by punching him upside the head while calling him a perverted pea-brained idiot. Then in a huff, she stormed out of the med ward still berating the gunman over his lack of impropriety.

 

“Mr. Vash, haven't you learned yet not to tease Sempai like that, especially in front of others?” Milly scolded as she left the ward to follow her friend and partner.

 

`Shit,' Vash thought, realizing that he said that in front of Jessica and the Doc. He looked back to the two and saw that the Doc was shaking his head while Jessica looked very unhappy. Feigning ignorance, the outlaw scratched the back of his head and started to laugh goofily, while saying, “Geeez… I guess they can't take a joke, huh?”

 

“Oh Vash, you're so funny!” Jessica giggled as she bounded up to him and wrapped her hands around his arm. “Come on, I'll fix you dinner and then we can go over the last minute details for your party tomorrow night,” she excitedly added, pulling him out of the infirmary while the Doc continued to shake his head before following the two out.

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

Apprehension became the predominant feeling running rampant through the redhead's body as she walked into the rec room. She had realized two important things after she started her search for the fairer looking twin. One, she had absolutely no idea as to how she should handle the man that she was searching for and, two, he probably didn't want anything to do with her. After all, Knives had made that abundantly clear the day before when he sent the images to her. However, she also noticed that there was something else flowing through her head about the man she was seeking. Something else about him that he sent, besides the disturbing images of death and despair…

 

It was the loneliness.

 

`He has been alone for over 100 years,' McKenna thought to herself as she climbed up a hill before coming to a complete stop. There he was, leaning against the tall oak tree with his knees bent and spread apart, while his arms hung loosely over them.

 

Knives felt her the moment she stepped into the space. Her anxious behavior serving as a beacon as he noted how it became stronger as the moments passed and she made her way closer to his location. It was as if the feeling was guiding her to him.

 

“But why is she here?” Knives wondered as he contemplated the situation. She should have been scared off by the things that he had done and was capable off. But, what he couldn't understand was that, afraid or not, she was on her way looking for him and was about to climb the hill…

 

A moment later, he saw her… really saw her. The way her unbound hair was shimmering the artificial sunlight, like it was on fire, and how the light breeze made it dance merrily about her face and shoulders. It was quite an intriguing sight. However, Knives noticed not as captivating as her tear-filled eyes. The glistening hazel orbs looked almost green as her tears started to fall from them. `Tears?' he questioned to himself as he continued to stare at the woman before him. `She couldn't be crying for me, could she?'

 

However, before he could completely analyze the situation or even enter her mind to find the answers, he heard her whisper his name. The very next instant, the redhead flew up the hill and fell to her knees directly in front of him. Then in a fluid motion, Mac slipped between his bent knees, while laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.

 

`What the hell?' he thought before his mind actually registered what was happening. She was holding him and offering him comfort, but why? Assuming it was pity, Knives roughly brought his hands to her shoulders and started to push her away until he heard her quietly say `please don't.' Keeping his hands on her, the Plant vehemently spat, “I don't need your pity woman!”

 

“That's good, because I'm not offering you any,” she replied back with a broken chuckle.

 

“Then what in the hell are you doing?” he asked in disbelief.

 

“I'm offering you my friendship, Knives,” McKenna said with a small smile as she lifted her head and looked into his confused eyes. She then laid her head back on his chest and added, “And friends offer one another support.”

 

The platinum blonde just sat there in silence, not entirely certain what he should do. Should he accept what she was offering and return the gesture? Could he? He looked down to her and realized that she didn't think that he was a monster and wanted him as a friend, even with what he had done in the past…

 

Closing his eyes, he tentatively slid his hands to her back and returned the embrace, silently accepting her offer of friendship.