Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Gossamer Wings and Sweet Tasting Things ❯ Hell ( Chapter 6 )

-----Gossamer Wings and Sweet Tasting Things-----
---A Trigun Fanfiction---

-----DISCLAIMER-----

Do I really have to go through this again?!
I'm running out of things to say!

-----AUTHOR'S NOTES-----

Lynda: Thank you to Miss Eriks, Senshi Nadeshiko, Lady Shadowcat, Irena K and Katsa 5 for reviewing! Just tryin' to improve. Eheh... Oh...
And an "original character" alert.
My deepest apologies.

Kuroneko: Mya...

-----*+*-----

'Hit me.' a voice declared smoothly, one ounce of ego short of downright 'infuriatingly'. A card was pushed across the table by an imp in casino dealing clothes. A black gloved hand picked it up and the man sniggered when citrus lime eyes took in the value. Vash twitched.

'For someone who gambles a lot, you sure are one heck of a lousy poker face!' he snapped across the table, more than a little annoyed that he was not so much losing, as plummeting in the opposite direction of winning. How the hell did he do it?! Black Jack grinned over the table at his opponent.

' 'S not my fault you suck.' he replied indignantly, re-arranging the cards in his hand, humming an annoying little tune that turned any coherent thought that might have been running through Vash's head into mush. The Humanoid Typhoon glared down at his cards. He was sitting on 16 and wasn't game enough to pick up another card.

It had to be, he admitted to himself, the stupidest thing he'd ever done; agreeing to play black jack with... Well, Black Jack. Besides from being killed of course. Or sitting on the trap door to Hell.

Well, let's just admit it. He'd done a LOT of stupid things in both his life and afterlife.

'Yeah, gimme another.' Vash sighed, tapping the poker table in the traditional sign for 'hand over tha' card'. One was slipped his way. With shaking hands he lifted it... And burst out laughing. The four of clubs!! He was on twenty!! Praise the Lord!!

Vash proceeded to double over in laughter, thumping the table with a delighted fist.

'You betting, Poker Face?' Black asked, grinning like an jack-o-lantern, looking as laid back as he normally did. He could slouch on a clothes line.

'I bet... Er... My... Gun Arm that I can kick your ass!' Vash declared, the tails of his bandana falling in his eyes. They had been drinking steadily since the game had began and being drunk just didn't feel right without his bandana. Black's grin somehow broadened.

'I see your Gun Arm.' he replied steadily, looking a lot more sober than Vash. The afore-mentioned sixty billion double dollar man held up a hand.

'What are you betting?'

'My pride as a card player?' ...Crickets would've chirped if this wasn't the bowels of Hell.

'Ok, ok!' Black snapped, waving a hand. 'How about ten million double dollars?'

'Deal!'

'Bring it on!'

'... So... What did you get?'

'You first, coz you started betting.' Black retorted stubbornly, clutching his hand possessively. Vash laid down his cards.

'I'm sittin' on twenty! AHAHAHAHA!!' he laughed, deciding the gloating was a lot more fun that being a good winner. His opponent however raised a hand.

'Not so fast, Armless.' he grinning, laying down his hand. There was a King... And an Ace, both in Spades... Vash began counting on his fingers.

'Twenty one. Read 'em and weep! AHAHAHAHA!!' Black Jack all but shouted, doing an amazing impersonation of Vash a few seconds earlier.

'YOU CHEATED!!' the blonde gunman shouted back.

'I did @#%$in' not!'

'Did too!'

'You can't accuse the Boss of Hell of cheating! I'll have you on the RACK!!'

'I'll tell Rem!'

'You WOULDN'T!! You filthy little... Little... Snitch!!'

Vash jumped up from the table, knocking over the chair and decided to make a bolt for it. Not before he picked up the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels, that is. His eternity in Hell was NOT going to be spent armless. He would talk to Black Jack when the guy had cooled off somewhat.

'Vash you @#$%in' @#$%!!' Black screamed after the quickly retreating form, jumping up to follow. The imp besides him tugged on his one long sleeve.

'Scuse me, sir.' it croaked in that annoying way that all familiars seemed to have.

'What?!' snapped a very disgruntled Black Jack.

'The paperwork for reconstruction of The Lake of Boiling Oil is on your desk.'

'Paperwork...' Black repeated slowly, turning over the word several times in his mouth to see if it seemed any better at a different angle. Apparently not.

'Yes sir. The flooding of sector 6 with burning oil made the minions of Baal a little unhappy.'

'Tell him to shove it!' snapped Black Jack.

'Can't do that sir.' the little imp said in a dull monotone.

'Well what can we do?' drawled the sarcastic reply. The imp held up a stack of paper.

'Paperwork.' it stated firmly. Black Jack contemplated kicking the stack over and throwing the imp into the furnace. He grimaced at the abnormally huge tower of paper. All because of an accident... Come to think of it...

'Tell me, how exactly did the lake rupture it's dam?' Black asked slowly, the answer already within his mind's eye.

'I think some of the lost souls accidentally blew a hole in it when they were chasing after something.' the small creature replied. The tall man grimaced.

'Let me guess...' he gritted, turning his glare to the empty poker table. He was owed an explanation and a Gun Arm dammit...

'Sir?' the annoying little familiar asked, wavering underneath the pillar of paper. Black turned to the stack of work and sighed, taking the first couple of pages. This wasn't supposed to be his Hell...

-----*+*-----

Vash sauntered down the rocky underground tunnels of Hell whistling an amiable little tune to himself. Hell wasn't so bad after all. Black Jack was good enough company if you caught him in the right mood and didn't try to cheat him at poker. And some of the familiars and such were really quite nice people... Demons... Or whatever they were.

Vash also found that he really felt like he could help the people here. Maybe while he was trapped in Hell, he could help some poor souls in their torment. And, so far, Vash had noticed that he did not, in fact, suffer in the 9 circles of pain and suffering. Just like Rem said!

Another thing he was pleased to note, Vash found that he still tripped up, but then again, so did everyone else. And some more than him! What a pleasant change.

The only complaint, however, was that there were a lot of people here that recognized him. He'd be walking around the 5th circle and a bunch of lost souls would scream out 'THERE GOES THE STAMPEDE' and before Vash knew it, he was being chased by a throng of very pissed off ex-gunslingers. Why? He wasn't the one who killed them after all. And he certainly wasn't the one who sent them to Hell. They did that all by themselves. So why were they after him?!

Vash sighed. Not that it mattered as he always managed to slip them. It was just like home, really. Only Hell was being ruled by a schizophrenic psychopath with a cocky grin and an evil deck of cards. THAT was different. Hmm... He was thirsty...

Vash turned left down a cavernous tunnel, waving at a passing ghoul. He had gotten to know his way around the first couple of circles quite well, and he knew where the ONLY lake of water in Hell was. The water was lovely, cool and clear as well. Vash had wondered why it was there, but he didn't worry about it too long. Black Jack had warned him not to overheat his brain pondering things that he wouldn't understand anyway. Vash didn't know if that was an insult or not.

... And there the lake was. Nestled in amongst an interesting assortment of stalagmites and stalactites was the limpid pool, blue and clear. Vash strolled up and knelt on the volcanic ash to get a good handful of the crystalline liquid.

There was a man standing knee deep in the water, looking ragged and very upset. He stooped and tried to scoop up some water to his dry lips, only for it to drain before he could drink. Sighing, he tried again to no avail. It didn't bother him too much because he'd been doing this for an eternity so he was used to it. Tired and resigned eyes glanced up at Vash who was splashing around in the water gleefully, wetting his face, enjoying water that was so very untouchable to the other.

'This sure feels good!' the tall blonde commented to the man, taking a big drink. The aforementioned thirst crazed man twitched, gritting his teeth. What he wasn't used to was fellow souls blatantly torturing him.

'It tastes good too!' Vash exclaimed, drinking some more, completely oblivious to the shocked, slightly rage filled gaze he was receiving. The man twitched some more, hissing through his teeth, his eyebrow tweaking repeatedly, fists clenched in suppressed fury.

'Well,' the gunman sighed, standing and waving to his silently seething companion, 'I'll leave you to enjoy yourself here! But be sure to save some water for someone else!' he congenially reminded, grinning cheerily and strolling away, whistling.

Later when an imp arrived to get a bucket of water, he asked the lost soul why he wasn't trying to drink anymore. He also encouraged the human by saying that if he were quick, he might just get a drop of water on his tongue. The poor man snapped, screamed, picked up a rock and hurled it at the imp's head. Projectile connected with cranium and the dazed and slightly concussed familiar watched in confusion as the man ran away sobbing, burbling something about heartless typhoons.

Completely oblivious to all this, Vash continued to stroll around Hell. Considering that Black Jack was owed a Gun Arm, and also considering the man's weird sense of humor, Vash decided to leave him be a little longer.
He'd cool off eventually...
Despite his location, Vash was feeling pretty good. He liked helping people, and there were a lot of people here to help. He did feel a little guilty, however, about having the freedom to walk around while they were stuck in the one location. And as such, Vash made it his duty to visit them as often as he could.

But Hell was a little... Well, lets face it. Nasty. People were all so unhappy. It wasn't too bad, because the thing about souls is that they don't have bodies. And the nervous system belonged specifically to bodies. So having a Lost Soul upon the rack doesn't work as well as the stupid little demons thought. Ectoplasm doesn't hurt.
Black Jack was enough of a nice guy deep down to over look this little set back. So everyone got along nicely. The demons and the tortured in one big unhappy family. The only thing about Hell the lost souls had to worry about was boredom and psychological war fare.

But who was cruel enough to do that?

Noting his location, Vash confirmed that he hadn't been up here before. There was a huge hill in front of him, rising from the rocky cave floor to a mysterious, dimly lit place above.
Scrambling slightly, Vash resolutely climbed it, sending small rocks cascading behind him.

Cool it Vash. Curiosity killed the cat...

But I'm not a cat, so go for it!

Whatever was at the top of this hill must be interesting. The Stampede continued in his clambering ascent, impervious to the large boulder behind him, inching its way slowly up the hill. The reason for this being that there was a man pushing it.

He had lost count of the times he had tried to get the damn hunk of rock up to the top of the hill, but it fell down after every single try. The man didn't mind however. He was used to it by now, and all the labor had given him a body most would kill for. And he had invented a game to see how close he could get the boulder to the top of the hill. His current record was a few centimeters. So he didn't really mind pushing it to eternity...

That was, until Vash dislodged a particularly large rock under his boot that tumbled down the hill to create a landslide. The landslide in turn pushed the boulder backwards, rolling over and crushing the shocked man to spin away to the bottom of the hill. Momentum wasn't finished with it, however.
Continuing it's rampage, the huge ball of rock proceeded to crash into and destroy road signs, information booths, clusters of screaming familiars and hordes of fleeing souls. The rock-pusher man hadn't moved from his sprawled position, indented into the ground slightly. There was an explosion as the boulder hit a loudspeaker and kept on rolling.

All this chaos happened behind the grinning gunman who was puffing slightly as he mounted the crest of the hill. He vaguely heard all the explosions and screaming, but dismissed this as Hell.

'Man, that was tiring!' he panted, resting momentarily to catch his breath. Looking up he froze.

There was a throng of Lost Souls all standing around, looking disgruntled and heavily armed.

'Eep.' the Humanoid Typhoon managed, trying to edge away.

-----*+*-----

'What?!' Black Jack shouted, subconsciously crushing the paper in his hands. The imp backed up.

'Er... Sector 3 to 6 are all shut down.' it repeated, shuffling its feet under the mega-watt-death-glare.

'Why, pray tell,' Black gritted, his fist shaking slightly, 'are they shut down?'

'Well... Y'know the boulder from the Endless Hill? Er... It rolled down... And... Um... through some things.'

'Through what exactly?'

'Sector 3 to 6.'

Black Jack breathed out slowly, then sat down, plastering a grin on his face.

'Is the damage repairable?'

'Um... I think so. Though it will take a long time. And... That's not it.'

'What,' Black asked softly, his eyebrow twitching. 'else could possibly go wrong?'

'The Lost Soul from the Thirsty Lake? Um... He's gone on a rampage.'

'WHAT?!'

'And there seems to be a gathering of ex-gunman Lost Souls on the top of the Endless Hill.'

'Why is there-'

An explosion caused the huge towering stack of paper work to collapse, nearly drowning the pair in A4 sheets. Black managed to emerge from the ocean of white, his black hair causing an almost painful contrast.

'WHAT THE @#$% WAS THAT?!' he shouted angrily, pulling the rest of his body free. No sooner had he said that, than Vash the Stampede dove into his office, sliding over the paper and commando rolling under the desk, screaming,

'SAVE ME!!'

Unable to keep up with events, Black Jack was slowly losing his temper. Which wasn't a good thing for the ex-gunslinger Lost Souls who burst into the office, ectoplasmic guns blazing and equally spectorial grenades being hurled around the small room.

Eventually the explosions subsided and after the dust and debris cleared, the poor trigger-happy fools found themselves face to face with a very pissed off Back Jack.

'What the HELL are you DOING in my OFFICE?!' he shouted, rage bubbling from his stance like liquid hot magma. They shot each other a look, turned and bolted for safety as one entity.

Vash pulled himself out from under the desk, dusting himself off and helping the dazed imp up at the same time.

'That was a close one!' he exclaimed cheerfully, the fear for his immortal soul leaving with the gunslingers. The imp blinked in a dazed manner. It had been a long day.

'Hey what happened to your office?' Vash asked, turning to a fury panting Black Jack. There was no answer. Vash shrugged and frowned as a small shiver tingled down his spine.

'Is it just me, or is it cold in here?' he asked slowly, rubbing his arms for warmth. The trio froze. Looking around slowly, they noticed that ice was edging its way into the corners of the room, little ferns of crystallized water spreading like a cold disease. Breath became cloud. The imp raised a shaking hand, the other holding a mobile phone to its pointy little ear.

'Um... The boiler room informs me that... Er... The Main Furnace... Well... It was blown up.' Black Jack snapped.

'WHAAAAAAT?!?!?'

'By... Er... A Grenade?' the imp offered. Vash blinked then hit his fist into the palm of the other hand in recognition.

'Ohhhh. I suppose that was that big metal oven looking thingy, right? Yeah, some guy had a rocket launcher and his aim was off. It was a close one for me, though! AHAHAHAH!' Vash laughed like a maniac as Hell slowly froze over.

'OUT!!! OUT!!! GET THE @#$% OUT!!!' screamed Black Jack, rippling with poorly suppressed energy. Vash didn't need telling twice. Coat tails streaming behind him, the tall gunman made a break for it out the door, the imp trying to follow. Black caught it by the ear.

'Not you.' he snarled, bringing the poor creature to eye height. 'I need you to ring Upstairs. Get them to put on Rem Saverem. I need to speak to her NOW.'

'Y-Yes sir!'

-----*+*-----

Rem watched patiently as Black Jack paced across Neutral Territory. It was the only place they could think of that wouldn't offend either of them; a separate dimension of swirling blacks and whites with no visible floor or ceiling. When initially bought here, Vash had endeavored to march on the spot to test a floor that wasn't really there. Tiring of that, and still having not come up with an answer, he was currently sitting cross-legged exactly half way in between the two people, one in white, the other in black.

'Hell may, by definition, be Chaos, but NOT for the people running it!' Black snapped at her, flailing his arms about to get his point across. Rem sighed.

'I understand what you're trying to tell me, but there is nothing I can do about it.' she replied.

'Set him up in the choir!'

'Oh, good lord no! All the choir ladies are scared of him! I didn't have the heart to tell them what flirting was!'

'Well he can't stay in Hell! We can't have gangs in Hell! That's security!!'

'We can't have him in Heaven either. Explosions are distressing for the residents.'

'Explosions? Explosions?! The @#$%in' Furnace of HELL blew up!'

'It can be repaired. Heaven, on the other hand, wasn't built for blowing up.'

'HELL FROZE OVER you daft !@#$%!!'

'There's no need for that!'

'Fire and brimstone?! We ain't GOT no %@#$in' FIRE AND BRIMSTONE!!! It had the !@#$ blown out of it!!'

'There has to be a neutral arrangement.'

'Yeah, let's just dump the @#$%er here.' Black snapped. Rem looked affronted.

'We can do that!' she exclaimed, patting Vash reassuringly on the head. Neutral Territory wasn't meant for existence. Vash was slowly getting a headache from the swirling colours and all the bad things they were saying about him.

'Huh. Well he's NOT coming back to Hell. We can't afford it!' Black Jack shouted. 'The Furnace heating bill was bad enough, but now we have to repair it! It's not like we charge admission!! Where are we going to get that kind of money?!'

'Heaven originally agreed on paying for his expenses.' came the demure reply.

'Oh? Really?' Black asked in mock surprise. 'Then here's the bill! Knock yourself out!' Rem reached over and took the paper. It unfolded and continued to do so for a very long while. After a while it stopped and Rem retrieved the end of the very long bill. She paled and gasped out loud.

'Granted... This is... Large.' she managed after she had composed herself. Vash switched his gaze between them. In all honesty, though he was insulted, he didn't really mind the idea of Heaven and Hell rejecting him. It wasn't like he enjoyed being at either place.

'Reincarnation?' Black suddenly suggested, raising his eyebrows at Rem. She shook her head sadly.

'Alas, no. His species makes it impossible.'

'Make him a poltergeist.' snapped a disgruntled Black. Rem paused. She turned to look thoughtfully at Vash, looking like she was sizing him up.

'Why...' she began slowly, mulling over her own words carefully. 'Why don't we send him to Angelina?' Black froze.

'It might just work...' he replied, equally as apprehensively.

'After all, they are used-' Rem started.

'-to being blown up.' Black finished. The pair nodded and shook hands. Vash began to get nervous.

'Angel..ina?' he asked, getting to his feet. Rem turned on him, smiling happily.

'Oh, she'll set you up when you get there!' she exclaimed, giving Vash what seemed like a parting hug. Black clapped him on the shoulder in benevolence.

'I'll let you keep your arm, ok? Enjoy yourself down there!' he cheered, taking a step back.

'Down where?' Vash asked, and was shocked to find that the floorless solidity underneath his feet had disappeared. Two smiling faces left his vision hurriedly as he was dropped down his 2nd trapdoor in however many days. And it never ceased to bring him to the point of screaming.

In the tiny quiet part of his panicking mind, Vash wondered where he would end up now...

-----*+*-----

-----AUTHOR'S NOTES-----

Lynda: Wahoo! That was a MUCH longer chapter, ne? And it didn't flow at all. I had some difficulty finishing it. But I have ideas for the next couple, so LOSE NO HOPE!!! **flings roses at people** TRA LA LA!!

Kuroneko: Mya?!

Lynda: Ehhehe. For those that don't know, Black Jack is an original character of mine that tends to... Pop up and annoy people every so often. I couldn't think of anyone else to fit the role of Manager of Hell, as every other character in Trigun has there part to play eventually. So, no worries mate?
Yeah!