Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ GTE: Great Teacher Ericks! ❯ War of Wits! ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Ha! If I owned "Trigun", Vash and Meryl would be married at the end of the series! Don't hurt me…

A/N: And I'm back. Thank you so much for reviewing. Things are sure to pick up now, so… Yeah…

Warning: Beware of spoilers!

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GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 3: War of Wits

Another day, another $$. This was what Mr. Nim said as he walked the halls. He said his hello's to a few teachers, broke up a few kissing sessions, and stepped into his office, but not before almost getting trampled by a couple of sophomores running to class. He sighed, plopped into his seat, then chuckled as he realized something. The English teacher had survived longer than any teacher. None had survived more than 2 days. This guy was on his third, and the class adored him. Maybe a little too much…

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Mackenzie innocently blinked at Vash. Vash looked from his book. He was waiting for class to begin. Mackenzie came early today for some reason. He looked at the girl. "Yes?" Mackenzie then hopped into his lap. "Er…"

Mackenzie licked Vash on the ear. "Great Teacher Ericks… Do you want to 'play' after class?…"

Vash's eyes widened. "But… You're only 15!"

"How old are you?…"

Vash quickly made up an age. "Er… 25."

"Ten years? That's not so bad…"

"But… I already have a wife!"

"Bet she's not as cute as me…"

Vash thought for a second, then shook his head and mentally cursed himself. "No! I'm a teacher, you're a student!"

"Great Teacher Ericks, take me!"

Just as she said that, Kite and Sayuri walked into class. Kite smirked. "Gee, teach… Didn't think you were into that!"

Vash glared. "But she's the one that's flirting with me!"

Mackenzie screamed out. "It's not flirting, it's pure love!!"

Kite laughed. "Wait till Mr. Num hears about this!"

Mackenzie hopped away from Vash and pounced on Kite, knocking a few desks out of the way. She began scratching at his face. "You do and I'll rip your balls off!!!"

Kite had never been more scared in his life. Well, besides the Sandsteamer incident. He tried to guard himself from from Mackenzie's "Claws of Fury". "Hey! What the hell are you doing?!"

Sayuri looked to Vash. "Mr. Stryfe, aren't you going to help him?!"

Vash shook his head. "Nope… I think he can take care of himself… Besides, it's out of my hands…"

"Fine then! You're just scared!" Sayuri yelled, as she punched Mackenzie in the back of her head. Mackenzie got up and slapped Sayuri. A fight broke out. A few male students arrived to see the cat fight.

"Yeah!"

"Whoo! Go Mackenzie!"

"Nah, Sayuri's gonna kick her ass…"

Vash sighed. "Okay… Break it up, girls…"

Mackenzie stopped while in the middle of pulling Sayuri's hair. "Anything for you, Great Teacher Ericks…"

"Now stand up straight!"

They both complied. Sayuri was a tall girl with short, raven black hair that was tied up in a blue scrunchy. She was dressed in the girl's school uniform of a green "sailor fuku", with brown shoes and long white socks. Her eyes were a very light blue. Her hair was currently out of it's pony tail, revealing her hair to be shoulder length. She now had scratches on her face and a black eye.

Mackenzie was a red headed girl with a pony tail, glasses, purple eyes, and was also wearing the uniform. She was a bit shorter than Sayuri. Her glasses were now crooked, and her hair was mussed up. She had a few bruises on her face and blood trickling down her mouth.

Kite sighed at his friend's roughness. He looked about the same as long ago, just older, and his hair was shorter and bit more "ruffled" looking. He was wearing a dark green traditional boy's school uniform of a jacket, pants, and black shoes. His shirt was open, revealing the dress shirt underneath.

The rest of the class piled in to see the fight, but seeing they were too late, everyone sat in their seats. Vash looked to the class. "Now today class", he began, sitting in his chair, "we will" Toot. Vash blushed as a few people giggled. He reached under his seat to reveal a whoopee cushion. "Oh come on… Can't you do better than that, Kite?…"

Kite smirked. "Why yes I can… That is why I also switched between my joke apple and your real apple!"

"Well, that's why I put a fake snake in your desk!"

"Nice. That is why I ordered several pizzas to be delivered here under your name."

"Clever. That is why I replaced your hair gel with honey!"

"That is why I replaced your gel with toothpaste!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"It appears we are at a draw…"

"Until next time… When I will strike with more than mere children's jokes!"

The class stared at Vash and Kite. The two stared down each other, lightning coming from each other's eyes. Some kid named Duke touched it to see if he would get shocked. He did. The rest of the class laughed. LAUGH, DARN YOU! Er, sorry…

Suddenly, the phone rang. Vash picked it up. "Hello? No, I don't know where your robot is, Mr. Smith! Oh, and tell Mr. Rosewater to give back my memories!" Vash hung up the phone. It rang again. He picked it up. "Oh hello, Mr. Himura! Still out on your journey of helping others? You have a strange new disease and you're going to die?! Your son hates you?! I'm so sorry… Bye, call again!" He hung up. Kite raised an eyebrow. "Idiot…"

"Well… I'm not the one with an atomic wedgie!" Vash pointed to reveal the horrible truth. "But… what the… how the hell did you do that?!" The class, except Sayuri, laughed out loud.

"Now who is the idiot…"

Kite smirked.

Vash sniffed. "Hey, is something cooking?"

Kite grinned evilly and psychotically. "Yes… You!"

Vash looked down to see his pants on fire. "… Ow…" He then jumped out the window, busting up his leg again. "Pain…" He then fell over.

Meanwhile, Kite was getting chewed out and beaten up.

"Why'd ya do that to Great Teacher Ericks!"

Sayuri fought to get through the crowd, but was knocked back. She got back up and Vash burst back in. "Stop! Love and… Peace!" They all suddenly stopped and did the sign. "Love and Peace!"

Vash smiled brightly, limping in a bit. Kite got up and whispered to Vash playfully. "I'm not thanking you…"

Vash lightly punched Kite on the shoulder. "You're not welcome… This class is getting scary, though… These kids worship me!" He slowly sat back in his seat. Kite had a 'sorry! I'm really very sorry!' look on his face. Vash gave him a reassuring smile. "Now, class… Get out your books! We are reading, The Pink Kitty!"

The class stared. They stared and stared. Finally, Kite spoke up. "Awesome!" The rest of the class quickly agreed. "Yay!"

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After the story, Vash had teary eyes. "What a beautiful story!" He cried and the world drowned in his tears. Just kidding. Actually, the whole class, even Kite, was crying. "Poor, poor kitty…" All of a sudden, the bell rang. "Aw, class is over already? WHY?!!!"

"Er…" Kite began. "Teach, we'll see you tomorrow…"

"But tomorrow is too far! The sun will come up tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun!!! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow! You're only a day away!!!" Vash looked up to see that the class was now gone. "Erm… Class is dismissed…"

To be continued…

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That's all for now! Be back tomorrow! It's only a day a-- *shot and dragged off by Knives*

Disclaimer: I do not own "The Big O" or "Rurouni Kenshin"