Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Guided Steps ❯ "Just do what I tell you." ( Chapter 6 )

Sorry about the wait. I wanted to leave you on a happy note while I fleshed out the story a bit more. Here we go!

 

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Wolfwood tried to shift Vash into a more comfortable position on top of him, and grimaced at the cool, slippery squish the movement produced. “This is so gross.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“We're gonna be stuck together when this stuff dries.”

 

“Go to sleep, then. That way you won't have to think about it.”

 

After several unsuccessful attempts to dislodge Vash, Wolfwood was finally forced to give up. “How can you move so fast in a fight when you weigh this much?”

 

“Magic.”

 

Wolfwood reached up and gave Vash's hair a yank. “Ditzy blond.”

 

Vash was too relaxed to form a proper retort beyond “ow,” and Wolfwood's hand stayed where it was, lingering on the soft strands between his fingers. They eventually strayed to comb through the blond hair, and Wolfwood chuckled when Vash heaved a happy sigh worthy of the most pampered of housecats. He crossed the line into the black hair at the back of Vash's head and expected it to feel different somehow, but it was the same soft texture as the rest.

 

Wolfwood indicated the darker section with a whirl of his finger. “Why is this happening?” He knew he'd regret asking when Vash levered up onto his elbows to look him in the eye. “I didn't know myself until last night but… Nick, I'm running out of time.”

 

“What are you saying? That you're… you're dying or something?”

 

“It's nothing that dramatic.” Vash flopped back down on the bed. “If I understand it right, my hair turning black is something like the warning light on a gas tank. If I go shooting holes in the moon again, it'll probably drain all the energy I've got left and then I'm dead. If I stick my head in the sand and never use any energy again, I could live close to forever.”

 

“Well that won't happen. There's still Knives to deal with, and there's no telling what it'll take to kill him.”

 

The words were a cold slap to Vash's face, destroying the fragile peace he and Wolfwood had built. He didn't want to think about this, not now and not ever, but Wolfwood's words hung so heavily in the air he found himself answering.

 

“No matter what he's done, he's still my brother. I… made a promise a long time ago that I'd fight for him to the end. I think I have to at least try… to save him. I can't let you go after him either. He'll kill you, and I won't let that happen.”

 

Wolfwood dislodged him with a hard shove. “You think you have to save him? You won't let that happen? Who the hell do you think you are, Vash? No way. No fucking way are you pulling this shit on me now!”

 

Vash looked aside, unable to meet Wolfwood's angry gaze. `But what did I expect? He finally trusted me; even let me make love to him. And now I tell him a promise to a woman long dead means more to me than he does. But Rem and I didn't know what a monster Knives had become… So what is right…?'

 

Wolfwood's mouth turned down into a grimace watching confusion and indecision darken Vash's features. “You don't even know what you're going to do, do you?”

 

“I'm… going to stop him.” It sounded weak, even to him. He couldn't imagine how it sounded to Wolfwood, a man who had no place in his world for uncertainty.

 

“Oh really. You don't sound very sure of that, Tongari. You're gonna stop him, but you don't know how you'll do it without killing him. Fucking brilliant.”

 

“I've told you before, I don't have all the answers!” Vash yelled back.

 

“Well it's past fucking time to get some,” Wolfwood growled. “You can't just make this up as you go like usual. Wake up! Knives is pure evil and he's Going. To kill. Everyone! He ain't gonna stop unless you do what nobody else can and kill him first!”

 

Vash cleared his throat needing to say something, no matter how lame and stupid it sounded. He let out automatic, placating words that had served him so well in the past.

 

“Wolfwood, I can only tell you what I think. I can't really know what this is like for you.”

 

“Maybe that's the problem.” Wolfwood's eyes cut over him sharply. “You can find out, can't you?”

 

Vash puzzled over that for a moment before he realized what Wolfwood meant. “No. No! I am not my brother, I am not going to screw with your brain!”

 

“If you expect me to keep trusting you, you owe me this much.”

 

Vash shook his head helplessly.

 

“Do it, Tongari. You don't know what to do `cause you still don't get it, and you don't get it `cause you're not human. So it's on me to give you the pieces you're missing. See him through human eyes and still tell me your precious brother doesn't deserve to die.”

 

In silence Vash begged the universe to intervene and stop this from happening. “I don't know what I'm doing. I could hurt you.”

 

Wolfwood would not be swayed. “You can't hurt me any more than he did. Do it.”

 

He sat and watched Vash and there was determination, certainly. But also sadness, and remorse. There was nothing left to say.

 

Vash closed his eyes and fell into rapport with the power inside him. He allowed himself to remember that terrible contact between himself, Knives, and Wolfwood in the desert. He presented the memory and cringed when energy swirled in rebellion, throwing Wolfwood's pain back at him in reaction. There's no other way, Vash replied in misery. It's what he wants.

 

A slow feeling of resignation, and Vash's senses extended. One disoriented moment, and he was confronted with Wolfwood's thoughts once again.

 

Above all, he'd feared the memory of rape, to his mind the worst, most terrible thing one human could do to another. He had a moment of shameful relief when he was steered away from that particular experience, but the relief was short-lived. There were far worse things. As horrible as it had been, it paled in comparison to what Wolfwood wanted him to understand.

 

Knowing the names and personalities of every man, woman, and child in his orphanage, his family. Knowing which of the children he watched over would be taken by the Eye of Michael and turned into hardened, soulless murderers, then given in service to Knives until they were massacred along with the rest of humanity. Providing, of course, that they even survived the brutal training and operations he and Livio endured.

 

Knowing which of the gentle, loving children would be deemed useless and killed outright at Knives' order if he didn't perform his given duties satisfactorily, and how each would be made to suffer before they died.

 

Knowing the responsibility for all of them rested on his shoulders alone. Knowing a mere human couldn't even dream of winning against something as powerful as Knives, and having to find a way to do it anyway.

 

What the hell am I supposed to do?! I'M ONLY HUMAN!!!

 

Swallowing all that seething, helpless rage and taking punishment after punishment without breaking because failure would mean the death of family. Watching the only hope he had of saving them throwing himself into unnecessary risk time and time again just to keep from killing human garbage and trying not to go insane.

 

Occasionally when he lost his way, Vash entertained the fantasy of something happening, something unexpected. The humans rising up together to fight Knives for their future, others coming from Earth to ferry the ones here to safety. Only now could he understand how utterly impossible those thoughts had been. He knew that humans were fragile compared to him, but Wolfwood had driven home the true gap between them with stunning skill.

 

The powerless rage choked Vash, strangled him until he couldn't breathe and he finally had to break the contact. His knees buckled, and great wracking sobs shook his body. “You're right!” Vash yelled, fists clenched shut as tightly as his eyes. “If I killed him it would be no less than he deserves! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, but…” He gasped when a vision of Rem's sweetly smiling face appeared before him.

 

“Don't ever leave Knives alone, Vash!”

 

“I can't break that promise!” For a second, all Vash could hear was the lonely cry of some night scavenger bird. Then the light sound of bare feet backing up and padding away from him echoed through his skull. `Leaving… I lost him. Again.' The force of his shaking increased and there was nothing but the crushing pain in his chest, and something new. Something hard.

 

Resolve.

 

What Knives had done to Wolfwood was only one example of the horrors he'd inflicted on humanity over the long years. Vash had finally learned the lesson that only Wolfwood's loss could have taught him. For too long he'd lived with memories of the dead; it was time to look to the living.

 

He stayed stone still where he was while his uneasy, flitting thoughts grounded themselves in his newfound certainty; time passed him by without his notice.

 

He would see to this one last obligation, and then he would find Wolfwood again someday and maybe, this time, prove to them both that he could live free.

 

“I won't kill him, and but I won't fail either. I will stop him, Wolfwood,” he whispered to the floor. “I'll make sure the children grow up in a better world.”

 

“Oh? That so?” a slow voice drawled.

 

`He's gone and I still hear his voice. I'm already starting to go crazy.' A hysterical note entered Vash's sobs.

 

“Hey! Either go get in the shower or take that racket outside. Either way you're not getting back in bed with me `til you're clean.”

 

Vash looked up to find Wolfwood still slightly damp from another shower, a towel tied around his waist. He blinked slowly a few times, just to be sure. “You're… Still here?”

 

“Of course I'm still here, idiot. Where else am I gonna go?”

 

He stepped past Vash, or at least he tried to. Vash's hand shot out and grabbed his arm in an impossible grip. Before he could even blink he found himself jammed with his back up against the wall staring into eyes that were more like ice now than water.

 

“Why?” Vash bit out. “Why did you let me think you'd leave if I didn't agree to kill him? You didn't have to do that!”

 

“'Cause you play at being human while you ignore how powerless we are compared to you and him, and it pisses me off.”

 

`Then… you really were just forcing me into a decision.' Vash nodded a little, point conceded. “That was… horrible.” He shuddered, and Wolfwood softened just a bit. “I'm sorry. But it was necessary.”

 

The apology made him feel a little better, but the anger didn't quite subside. “I thought you had left for good.”

 

“I can't just leave you; you oughta know that. Now let me go.”

 

Vash's hands clenched more tightly on his upper arms, and the question slipped out before he could stop it. “Why can't you leave me?” Vash cursed at himself for asking. He fully expected Wolfwood to tell him to screw off, but the priest only studied him for a moment before he relaxed.

 

“Because I love you,” Wolfwood answered. It cost him to say it, knowing he wouldn't hear it returned now and there was no guarantee he ever would, but he knew Vash needed to hear him speak the words. It was confirmed when Vash finally let go of his arms and tears began to fall down his cheeks. “God, you're worse than Livio, I swear,” Wolfwood said softly, cupping his face and drawing him into a kiss until the sadness receded a bit.

 

“I'm not being very fair,” Vash sighed. “I'm sorry.”

 

“You wanna be fair, huh?” Vash didn't have time to question the evil grin that crept onto the priest's face. Wolfwood grabbed him by the ear and dragged him into the bathroom. He used the edge of the tub to overbalance the blond and dumped him feet over head into tub, turning on the cold water full blast before Vash could right himself. “Then start by not getting in bed with me all dirty!” Wolfwood cackled, leaving Vash to splutter very creative threats and curses.

 

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“I hope you're happy,” Vash pouted at Wolfwood's back when he eventually made his way back into bed. “The water was freezing!”

 

Wolfwood only laughed and didn't bother turning over to face him.

 

“I'm really old, you know. Old people are supposed to be kept away from the cold; it's bad for our bones!”

 

“Just how old are you anyway?” Wolfwood asked after a pause.

 

“Let's see…” Vash hmm'ed and haw'ed for a few minutes while Wolfwood finally rolled over to stare at him, growing progressively more irritated. When Vash started counting on his fingers, Wolfwood creamed him with a pillow.

 

“Okay, okay!” Vash said, rubbing his head. “One hundred fifty one. I can get it down to days and hours if you want.”

 

“No way you rambling old geezer, that's good enough.”

 

Vash glared at him suspiciously, remembering what the Livio had told him. “Why do you ask? How old are you?”

 

“I dunno exactly.” Wolfwood hedged.

 

Vash jumped away from him, shrieking. “You're not jail-bait, are you? I'm too pretty to go to jail!”

 

“I'm legal, you ninny! Probably. In half the towns, anyway…” he added under his breath.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Huh? Oh, nothing.”

 

“That's it. Show me your I.D.!”

 

Wolfwood's eyebrow twitched. “Assassins don't carry identification, you idiot!”

 

“Oh no, I'm going to jail,” Vash swooned. “I'll have to get myself a protector and he'll beat me and make me clean the toilet with my toothbrush and scrub his filthy back in the shower…”

 

Wolfwood made a disgusted sound and flopped back over. “I'm not talking to you anymore! Good Night!”

 

Vash chuckled but the mood didn't last. In the silence that followed Vash's thoughts turned inexorably back into pain as they always did when he was left alone in the dark of night. The weight of guilt and sadness began to bear him down once more. He flicked his attention around the room, out the window to the darkening sky, and finally settled on his hands resting in his lap. He first flexed the left, made of advanced synthetics over wiring and metal. Then he flexed the right, made of flesh and blood. One used to protect the descendents of those humans Rem had managed to save, the other capable of devastation on a massive scale. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many he saved the number on the left could never catch up to the number on the right…

 

He glanced over at Wolfwood's back and bit his lip hard to fight off the sudden desire to wake him up, get him to work his magic again and ease his soul. `No. He's tired. Just deal with it on your own, like usual.' It caught him off guard when Wolfwood heaved a sigh, but it didn't entirely surprise him.

 

“What's wrong now? Let me guess. Brooding over things you can't change again?”

 

“Sorry. I guess I'm just a big mess, aren't I?” he laughed.

 

He stopped when it wasn't returned. “Don't do that with me,” Wolfwood said in a quiet voice. “I hate it.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Smile and laugh when you don't feel like it. It's too painful to see.”

 

“If I don't I may start to cry again, and you'll call me names.”

 

“I'm going to call you names anyway, stupid.”

 

Vash did laugh then, a real laugh. And when the sound changed and he crumpled into sobs, he was caught in strong arms. “I'm sorry,” he apologized again. “It's been so long since I could be myself I don't always remember how.”

 

“Then just listen to me and do what I tell you for once. Shut up for a minute and let it out, Tongari.”

 

He did what he was told and cried, clinging to Wolfwood like a lifeline. The sobs that wracked his body were violent, but Wolfwood just held him tighter through them, wondering to himself how many lifetimes of tears one person could cry in a single night. Eventually the tears slowed, and finally stopped. “What now?” Vash asked in a hoarse whisper.

 

“Now… Now you sleep.”

 

“Are you sure? I haven't really slept in a long time because things always… go bad… during the night.”

 

“Used to be a little kid back at the orphanage who was terrified of monsters under the bed, in the closets, in the shadows… He thought they'd come out and drag him in with them if he fell asleep. About once a week he'd throw a fit and refuse to go to sleep.”

 

The soft, deep tones of his voice were relaxing and Vash had to fight to keep his eyes open. “So what'd you do?”

 

“I sat up and watched for monsters so he could sleep.”

 

“You stayed up all night?”

 

“Yep, all night long. I'm kinda good at pulling guard duty, if you haven't noticed. So trust me.”

 

It was easy after that. Vash closed his eyes and knew nothing but dark and restful sleep. He awoke again shortly after dawn. Watching the light grow on the other side of his eyelids, he felt a moment of fear. Were the arms he felt around him just tricks of his optimistic imagination? What if it had all been a dream? What if Nicholas had left or disappeared or been killed during the night, like so many others from his past had?

 

He finally opened his eyes to see Wolfwood smiling softly down at him. “You really do worry too much.”

 

At that moment, Vash finally understood how it felt to wake up to a new day refreshed and hopeful, knowing that the world could actually change for the better during the night.

 

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Next up: Wolfie goes home and isn't as happy about it as you might think.

 

To ElizzzaBear: Oh, honey, thank you so much!!!! Seeing your review made my week! I will definitely keep working on this story, and by the time I'm done you'll probably be sick of it! ^_^