Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Guided Steps ❯ Iron Will ( Chapter 15 )

Knives' world spun around him.

 

Another blast of raw energy had sent him tumbling in the sand yet again. He forced himself up to his hands and knees, gasping for breath as he did so. A show of bravado was beyond him now; shaking muscles had a hard time supporting him. His body ached and exhausted didn't even begin to cover it. And the one who had caused his sorry state…

 

He looked up in bleary-eyed disbelief at his own brother, still standing and seeming to tower over him.

 

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Yes, Vash's defenses were abnormally strong but when Knives realized he was only defending himself against attacks he knew he still had a chance. But that was before…

 

“Keep talking, Knives. I'm about to shove every word right back down your throat.”

 

Vash had begun attacking after that, and Knives discovered just how much power he'd run through in his earlier attacks. He barely had any reserves left. He refused to give up, kept on resisting and Vash sported some painful and bloody injuries from his last-ditch attacks.

 

But it wasn't enough to stop him. It wasn't even enough to slow him down.

 

`He's won,' came Knives' stunned thought. The few blond strands left at the peak of his hair were the visible proof of what Knives already knew: he could no longer afford to launch any attacks, not if he meant to survive them. `I don't have anything left to fight with.'

 

Vash's blue eyes fixed on him with a mixture of loathing and rage. This… this creature kneeling before him was not the brother he'd known as a child. Neither one of them had the power to erase the past, to bring back all the souls lost to this evil, but Vash could at the very least enforce accountability. He owed it to Rem, to all the people of July, and most importantly he owed it to Nick.

 

“You're finished, Knives. But because you're my brother I'll give you one last chance to save yourself.” He knelt beside Knives' prone form and the other shot painfully backward a couple of feet in alarm before he could stop himself. “You merged yourself with the other plants,” Vash said with a silent intensity. “If you can manage that with me then… you will have won. I'll have no choice but to help you try to massacre humanity.”

 

Knives' brow wrinkled in clear disbelief. “This is some kind of a trick.”

 

“It's not a trick, brother. It's your only chance.” No guile in the hard blue eyes, nor any doubt. “Take it, if you think you can.”

 

The thought of sure victory quickened Knives. He kicked out in a flash and knocked Vash flat on his back. “Testing me? What a disappointment,” he spat. “You think I won't do it? You are a fool. Conrad actually tried to convince me once that you were stronger than I thought. He might have been right if decades of being polluted by humans hadn't made you so weak.” He straddled Vash's unresisting body and placed his palm on Vash's forehead. “This is the end for you, brother. A pathetic end to a pathetic existence.”

 

He extended his consciousness and power outward to merge with Vash as he had with all the other plants he'd collected, and ran into resistance. Frowning, he tried again, pushing hard and feeling a give as he broke through into the flow of Vash's power. For one confused moment there was only darkness, and then a blinding light flared up around him, consuming him in its brilliance. He panicked, trying to figure out what had gone wrong and a stray, impossible thought came to him. `Is this… Vash?'

 

The answer was immediate and thundered through him. *Hello, brother.*

 

//What… How is this possible?!//

 

*You know… Wolfwood always believed I was stronger than you too. Sometimes humans understand far more than we do, Knives. You should have listened to Conrad.*

 

Knives was used to inspiring fear, not feeling it as he was now. He tried to fight but Vash was far stronger than any of the other plants he'd subsumed. He simply had no idea how to free himself from Vash's iron will.

 

*Now. I know you weren't always like this, and you're going to show me how this happened to you.*

 

Knives tried to form the words “Go to hell,” but was dismayed to find himself following Vash's command instead. //When we found out about what the humans had done to Tessla, I realized that their emotions are at the root of their parasitic nature. It leads them to weakness, and that weakness causes them to trample down others to boost themselves. All those days I spent in that coma… I induced it myself so I could have the time I needed to cleanse myself of all human emotion.//

 

*So that's how it was. I've always wondered what you could have done to change so completely. Then, all I have to do is…*

 

Vash held Knives' consciousness prisoner while he took a stroll through his mind, mapping out memories and searching for what he needed. Knives knew his brother had found what he was looking for when pain began to lance through his head. He felt all his work beginning to unravel, all the emotions he'd spent days locking away came ripping back into him. Unnoticed, his body writhed in agony. //What are you doing? Stop!//

 

*I'm making you remember how to feel.*

 

//No! Stop!!!// Knives gathered what was left of his strength and tried to stop Vash, but his efforts were useless. In fact it only seemed to anger his twin and Knives screamed as Vash started to rip those buried emotions free even more violently.

 

//You're hurting me!// he wailed, and was taken aback to feel dark satisfaction.

 

*And how many times did you subject Wolfwood to this same treatment?*

 

//I… I don't know… There were so many times…//

 

*Then you have no right to object to my doing it to you. Understand me. I can do anything to you right now, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me. You are powerless and at my mercy. Does that make you feel helpless? Terrified?*

 

//YES!!//

 

*Good. You need to feel the pain you've caused others.*

 

Never in his life had Knives been so confused. Vash was stronger than he'd ever thought possible, and something along the line had made him capable of cruelty. //You're not like this! What's happened to you?//

 

*You happened to me, Knives. I have so many reasons to hate the monster you've become. But it was finding out what you did to Wolfwood finally woke me up to the truth.*

 

//It wasn't me, it was Legato that-// A memory answered the thought, rising unbidden to his mind and Vash's attention snapped to it. *What was that? Show me!* Knives thought he couldn't possibly make his brother angrier, but he was very wrong.

 

 

“You seem troubled, Knives-sama.”

 

“Yes. Beast's last report was disturbing. It seems my brother is getting overly fond of the babysitter I sent him. I don't like it.”

 

Legato's eyes went wide at the implication. “Then get rid of him and send me! I would follow your orders perfectly, and I would not disappoint you!”

 

Knives snorted in contempt. “You couldn't possibly disappoint me. I have no expectations for you to disappoint.” Knives saw the pain his words caused in Legato's downcast eyes. `Pitiful,' he thought. Such weakness existed in all of them. “Besides,” he went on, “Vash would never accept you. No, Chapel is perfectly suited to the task. But the problem remains.”

 

“That I could not keep you from being troubled by that traitorous bastard only shows me how badly I've failed you, Master.” Legato clenched his jaw in frustration and Knives could see the direction of his thoughts without ever entering his disgusting mind.

 

That the lowly ingrate Chapel might be touched by one of the gods while he, loyal and diligent servant, was left out in the cold angered Legato greatly. Humans always had that undeserved sense of entitlement. Surely it made no sense to Legato that Chapel should be allowed to live and to remain at the right hand of his master's beloved brother… But it was his master's prerogative to do mysterious things which were not to be questioned. Chapel must remain with Vash, and he could not be killed. `How will you try and please me now?'

 

Legato's lowered head shot up as if in answer to his unspoken question. “Give Chapel to me and let me work on him, Knives-sama. If you will only allow me some freedom to move, I will make sure he stays away from your brother.”

 

“I won't allow you to kill him,” Knives mused. “And you are not to damage him so badly w3that it impairs his ability to complete his task either.”

 

“I won't have to.”

 

Knives could see how strongly Legato desired to please him, but his hatred of Chapel blazed brightly in him as well. A smile crept onto Knives' face. Legato's solutions were brutally elegant in their own way, and always interesting; that was the only reason Knives had spared him years ago. “Then bring him here. I look forward to seeing your handiwork.”

 

Legato bowed as much as his encasement allowed. Tears ran freely from his eyes at the trust his master had shown him. “It is my honor to serve you, Knives-sama.”

 

*And just like that you set a sadist loose on someone I cared about. It was that easy for you.*

 

Vash's anger thundered through his mind and Knives couldn't help but respond to it. //There was no other option! The reports from Beast, things I saw when I looked in his mind… I could see what was coming even if he couldn't. He was meant to destroy you with his betrayal, and instead he made you stronger, gave you someone to turn to besides me! I had no choice but to cripple him, why can't you see that?!//

 

He could feel Vash's anger growing with each new revelation, but he couldn't stop the tide of words. When he finally reached the end of his tirade Vash viciously ripped into his mind again. *Let's run a little experiment, shall we?*

 

Knives knew what Vash would do. He knew what was coming next.

 

He told himself it didn't matter. He was the one who'd ordered it, watched it happen for good reason. If Vash wanted to show him how his evil brother had hurt his insignificant little feelings, so fucking what.

 

It shouldn't have mattered, but it did. He didn't want to see it, but he didn't know why.

 

Legato yanked viciously on Wolfwood's hair, forcing his head back to give Knives a better view of his face. Only confusion showed on Wolfwood's face at first, probably because he was still reeling from having his head slammed into the deck. “For you, master!” Legato cried in jubilation.

 

Thanks to Legato's overzealous foresight Knives was clearly able to see the moment of surprise on Wolfwood's face when he felt Legato's sizeable erection at his exposed entrance. He couldn't help laughing. And as if that weren't funny enough-

 

No, not funny at all-

 

He was also able to see clearly the revulsion and agony, hear the pain in the screams Legato forced out of him. Legato had been right, this was the perfect solution to-

 

//Stop this! I don't want to see this again, no more!//

 

Vash was merciless, refusing to listen to his pleas and Knives began to break down. With the interference from long-forgotten human emotion, what he'd witnessed - allowed, facilitated, aided - didn't seem so justified, so amusing. With every passing scream, with every trickle of blood it looked more… wrong. More hateful. More cruel. Tears streamed from his eyes unchecked and he couldn't remember why he'd ever thought this act was anything but despicable.

 

*Are you beginning to understand?*

 

One last gut-twisting wrench and the last of all those discarded emotions spilled into him. He shuddered and seized in the sand, unable to absorb everything at once. He tried to separate himself from them as he once had, but this time it would not work.

 

*Now, are you ready for the final test of my work?*

 

Knives howled his rejection to the universe but no one came to his aid. Thoughts and memories flooded his mind, all filled with Rem. With every look, with every touch the woman conveyed loss, regret, determination and love, so much love and Knives broke when he finally understood.

 

`Oh god… She didn't betray us… she saved us. She loved us. Risked everything to protect us. With her as my guardian how could I have ever convinced myself… there was nothing worthy… in any of them…? So many dead, so many, so many dead because I…'

 

*Because I was wrong!*

 

He sobbed uncontrollably, unable to stop the tears. Satisfied that his work was done Vash released him and returned control of his mind and body. When Knives was finally able to force his eyes open again, Vash was looking at him with a strange mixture of pity and satisfaction. “Welcome back to humanity, brother,” he gasped before passing out.

 

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There was nothing but darkness at first. It was nice, peaceful in a way that he sorely needed.

 

Then came a steady beeping sound. It was annoying as hell. It was soft, but it was much louder than the stillness he was used to and it dragged him inexorably upward into a world in which he was swimming in pain.

 

Another sound intruded on him, this time the muffled hum of fluorescent tubes. He blinked his eyes open slowly, stifling a moan as they sent shards of light slashing into them. Then a steady dripping sound, then the soft sound of breathing somewhere to his right. `Someone's here with me.'

 

He lay there, slowly beginning to process his surroundings as his eyes adjusted to the light. Monitor leads on his chest provided the beeping sound, and an IV in his left arm supplied the slow drip. Something soft and warm rested in his right hand and he turned his head slowly to see that it was a hand. Livio's hand.

 

The kid had fallen asleep in a chair next to him, half sprawled over his bed with Milly sprawled over him in an adjacent chair. Wolfwood slipped his hand away only to place it gently on Livio's head. He smiled to himself when Livio sighed and mumbled something in his sleep.

 

The kid was good-hearted, too much so for the harsh world they'd been born into. But now a new world was coming, a world where it would be safe for people like Livio and Milly to just be themselves.

 

`I just wanted it for them, for the children. I never thought I'd be alive… to see it myself…'

 

Slowly and with a sigh of regret he pulled his hand away and reached out with cramped and protesting muscles to turn off the monitor. There was no use in daydreaming; he still had work to do and there was no guarantee he'd survive it. The pull to stay with his family and recover was strong, but it was eclipsed by a greater need. He reached into his gown to pull the leads off his chest. Next he removed the needle from his arm, releasing a small trickle of blood to run down to the pristine white sheets under him.

 

With that done he paused to take a few steadying breaths, trying to brace himself for the next step. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the gurney. Pain, raw and fierce ripped through him and left him gasping, robbing his already too-pale skin of its remaining color. Once he adjusted to the onslaught he looked back to make sure the room's other two occupants were still sleeping soundly before lowering bare feet to the cold metal floor. He allowed his legs to take his weight gradually, but still he almost toppled over twice.

 

One foot in front of the other, he managed to get to the door of the infirmary, though his vision swam dizzily by the time he reached it. A quick peek out into the hallway confirmed that it was quiet, probably in the middle of the night. If luck was on his side he could get to Vash's cabin unobserved.

 

He leaned heavily on the wall and made it down the corridor to the lift one agonizing step at a time. Once inside he input the series of numbers that would take him to the correct level and slumped against the wall to wait, trying to catch his breath. The doors finally opened and he pushed himself to his feet to set out once again, one step at a time. However, this time his body rebelled after two steps and his knees buckled.

 

He braced himself for the impact but small hands came out of nowhere to grasp his upper arms with enough strength to stop his fall. They managed to hold him steady until the world righted itself again.

 

“Vash told me you were stubborn, but this really takes the cake,” a wry voice commented.

 

“Luida,” Wolfwood rasped, voice rough from disuse. “How long was I out?”

 

“We found you both two days ago thanks to my insanely brilliant foresight in sneaking transmitter tabs onto those giant guns of yours and Livio's. You'd be dead now if we hadn't found you when we did.”

 

“Much appreciated. Two days… Can you track Tongari the same way?”

 

“I couldn't risk it. The Earthers refuse to believe he had nothing to do with Knives' slaughter and if they managed to find the signal and track him down…”

 

Wolfwood let out an amused snort. “Nothing's ever easy with him. You should know I'm not going back. I still have one last job to do.”

 

To his surprise Luida didn't try to call for help or steer him back to the infirmary. “I understand. I don't like it mind you, but I understand. Can you move again?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Wolfwood grit his teeth and straightened a bit. Luida moved alongside and braced herself to take a bit of his weight. After a brief hesitation he accepted her help and they slowly got underway. “Talk to me, it helps. Is the kid okay? Meryl and Milly?”

 

She raised an eyebrow at this. “Livio healed so fast there was really nothing I could do besides let him sleep. Meryl is fine. Milly had a depressed skull fracture and a few broken ribs, all of which will heal just fine on their own in time. You, on the other hand, were in surgery for most of that day. Do you have any idea how long it took me to clean all the sand out of your wounds, let alone dig all those bullets out of you, stuff your guts back in and sew you back together? And I don't even want to tell you how much blood you lost. You should still be unconscious, for several days at least. But instead I find you here, still in your gown and wandering the hallways in the dead of night.”

 

“I'm not wandering. I'm hobbling with a purpose and first stop is finding some damn clothes,” he argued, mildly offended. “And what were you doing operating on me, anyway? Shouldn't you be helping to put the planet back together?”

 

Luida sighed in frustration. “There's not much I can do at the moment. Knives wiped out several of the Earther's ships and they're screaming for blood. Brad is making headway convincing them that he and Vash are both dead, so I'm leaving it to him for now. Besides, I may not look it, but I'm the best surgeon on this ship. Even if I was putting the planet back together I still would have stopped to do what I could for you.”

 

A bitter smile pulled at his lips. “You really need me to find Tongari that badly? You must really be worried about him.”

 

Luida stopped so abruptly he stumbled. She moved to face him and the angry look she turned on him took him aback. After studying him for a moment, however, she softened at seeing his genuine dismay, even smiled a little before helping him on his way again. “You're too young to be so cynical, Wolfwood,” she chided. “Neither you or Livio are as old as you look, are you? With that juiced-up metabolism, you can't be. Who did that to you, anyway? I'd shoot them right between the eyeballs for you if you'd point them out and spot me the gun.”

 

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“Don't insult me. Your bones are strong enough to stop most bullets without so much as a stress fracture, and by all rights you should have died hours before we found you. Those aren't exactly subtle clues.”

 

“What makes you think… I didn't ask for this?”

 

“You don't strike me as crazy. No one in their right mind would agree to something like that. The regeneration and metabolism hikes alone are eating your life away. Thank god it's not as fast as it was last time you were in here.” Wolfwood's brow knitted in confusion and Luida noticed in surprise. “You didn't know?”

 

“No. Tell me.”

 

“The med bay monitors we use here record a lot of information. I ran a comparison between your stats from yesterday against the last time you were here and found a four percent drop in your rate of healing. It's not much, but I expect that will grow over time. It's not a bad thing,” she added at Wolfwood's look of concern. “It only seems to be affecting metabolism and regeneration. Sensory enhancements and bone density seem to be unaffected. Hell, I don't know how you deal with it.”

 

Wolfwood smiled a little. “You get used to it.” He shivered once more at the chill of the hallway against unguarded skin and added, “…kind of.”

 

“Well, get used to being less reckless too because you won't heal as fast as you used to. In fact, you won't be entirely out of danger for another day or two, so you'd better be very careful. If you undo my work before your body catches up you're history. But here's the good news: last time you were here I'd have given you five more years, seven tops before your body burned out. Now though… I'd say you've got a shot at a pretty respectable lifespan, provided your system keeps slowing down at about the same rate as it has been. So whatever you've been doing, keep it up.”

 

They finally reached Vash's quarters and Wolfwood was too lost in thought to mention that he wasn't doing anything. He entered the lock code by rote, Luida's words bouncing around in his head. To think that his remaining life could be measured in decades instead of months was more than he'd dared to hope for. It was a heady thought.

 

Once inside he disengaged himself from Luida's steadying hold and forced himself to stand on his own two feet. “Thanks for helping me get this far. I can take it from here.”

 

“I could stay and help you pack and get dressed if you want. Or maybe I could call Melanie for you? She's been worried sick since-”

 

“No,” Wolfwood answered too quickly. “She can't… see me like this. She worries, you know?” he finished lamely.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Talk about what?” Wolfwood asked, looking at Luida as if he couldn't understand spoken language. Unfortunately Luida wasn't interested in humoring him.

 

“The stitches I had to put in your backside, or the fact that Legato had mashed pulp for genitalia when we found his body. Or maybe the fact that Livio woke up out of a deep sleep and almost killed Brad the second he tried to pull you away from him. Take your pick.”

 

“Who else…” Wolfwood said quietly after a long moment. “Who else was on the ship when you came after us?”

 

“Just Brad and me. One other nurse helped me operate on you once we got you back here and I trust her not to say anything to anyone. No one else knows.”

 

A small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. “Thanks for that.”

 

“No thanks necessary. Like it or not, you got yourself absorbed in this little family of ours the second Vash brought you onboard. Now, I repeat, would you like to talk about it?”

 

“I don't even wanna think about it `til I have to, let alone talk about it.” Luida crossed her arms and glowered and he sighed. “Luida, there's no violence on this ship. It's a peaceful place as long as the outside world stays put. Can you understand that?”

 

“I wish I didn't.” She uncrossed her arms. “But to tell you the truth… I don't know how much good I could be to you anyway. What you've been through is truly out of my depth. Like you said, this is a peaceful place. The only ship-born `psychotic' we've ever had to deal with was a man named Jenkins who swore beets tasted great on a peanut butter sandwich.” She was gratified to see Wolfwood chuckle. If she couldn't ease his burden, she could at least make him laugh.

 

“Well, since every minute you spend doing nothing gives you a better chance of not keeling over dead, I want you to do as little as possible for as long as possible. I'm going out to make some arrangements for you. I can at least find you a car, food and water and a way off the ship without the Earthers noticing. You are to stay in here until I come back, understand?”

 

“Yes ma'am,” Wolfwood answered without thinking and Luida smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair warmly. “I'm glad Vash brought such a nice young man home with him.”

 

Wolfwood was glad she left too quickly to see him blush.

 

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