Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Guided Steps ❯ Changes ( Chapter 20 )

It took Vash a while to realize that the man currently wrapped around him had fallen asleep. He'd known it was inevitable once Wolfwood put his head on his shoulder and sighed softly. Vash just continued stroking his hair, breathing in his scent and trying make sense of things.

 

Something of monumental import had just happened. He knew that much, but he wasn't quite sure what it all meant. After several minutes of staring at Wolfwood's peacefully sleeping face he smiled. He would have plenty of time to figure it all out.

 

His gaze dropped lower, coming to rest on those bloody bandages once more and his smile vanished.

 

What followed was - as Jenk would later describe it - a royal freak-out session.

 

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It was an introduction Jenk would never forget.

 

He was just sitting in his study, enjoying the quiet and reading over an old book. A cube of ice cracked and clinked against the side of the glass in the scotch on his desk. “Can't beat that sound on a hot day,” he sighed happily.

 

Then a noise startled him so badly he almost toppled out of his chair. It took him a second to realize that the half-naked man who'd just crashed into his study was the same one who had been lying comatose in his home for days. He was bloody and shouting incomprehensibly, and Jenk could only blink up at him in astonishment.

 

Thank goodness Calito was out with Jacob, looting that stalled-out car they found. As a doctor's son the boy had seen many things, but this probably would've broken his little brain.

 

Jacob's brother calmed slightly at seeing an old medical license framed on the wall, just enough to take a deep breath a form a coherent sentence. “I need help. Please.”

 

It had been a while since he'd had a regular practice, but he had his supplies handy from patching up this previously injured man just days before so he grabbed his pack and headed off upstairs after him.

 

As if the dramatic entrance hadn't shocked him enough Jenk now had to deal with the sight that greeted him as he rounded the corner. He approached the man on the bed and was immediately horrified by the source of the blood on Vash as well as the unmistakable evidence of what they'd been up to.

 

The doctor in him was completely incensed. “Are you insane?! You don't screw badly wounded people!”

 

“I'm sorry! I didn't know he was this bad! He never said anything-”

 

“Oh, sure. Blame the victim!” Jenk muttered while carefully untaping the front bandage.

 

Vash was too terrified to give any thought to Jenk's assumptions. “Well?” he demanded. “How bad is it?”

 

“I'll tell you in a minute. Now be quiet and let me concentrate, for crying out loud!”

 

Jenk got the bandage free, expecting the worst. He threw the bloodied piece away from him carelessly, already reaching for another from his bag. `There's so much blood…' He splashed it quickly in alcohol and pressed it hard to the wound. “There now. At least I'll be able to see what I'm up against…” He pulled back on the gauze slowly. The wound was a large one, as he'd anticipated. It had already been stuck together once with some kind of bonding agent he'd never seen before, and he could see where it had ripped halfway open.

 

His eyebrows drew together in confusion and Vash began demanding answers, which further irritated the crap out of him.

 

“No, why don't you tell me what's going on here! This doesn't make any sense. I've never seen anyone live with this many signs of severe blood loss. But look here. He's stopped bleeding. Short of his heart no longer pumping, there's no reason for that to happen. How the hell did he make it this far in this condition in the first place? Why isn't this man dead?!”

 

Vash felt his knees turning to water. “…Dead?” He let himself slide down to the floor, not bothering to try and steady himself.

 

“…just let me go.”

 

“Oh Nick, you stubborn, self-destructive…” Part of him wanted to cry. The other part wanted to shake Wolfwood awake and yell some sense into him. `Things don't have to get this bad before you say something to me! This can't happen again.'

 

Jenk ignored him and continued his work, clearing excess blood from the wound and redressing it. When he finished in the front he rolled Wolfwood carefully onto his side, clucking at the second bandage he found there. “Unbelievable. I'll bet… yep. Same damned thing,” he said when he'd gotten the soiled bandage off. “No more bleeding here either. Either this is the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in creation or I'm really missing something here. Don't suppose you could enlighten me?”

 

“No,” Vash said with an apologetic shrug. “I know he heals a lot faster than most, but that's all I can tell you. I… really didn't know it was this bad. He never says anything-”

 

“Don't give me that crap! You took advantage this man, plain and simple!” Jenk grunted and continued taping on a fresh gauze pad.

 

He was finishing up when he realized the blue-eyed man had moved close enough to take the other's hand in his own. The other hand brushed his forehead with gentle fingers and he looked for all the world as if he wanted to do more, but was afraid of accidentally causing further harm. Even in sleep the newcomer sighed and leaned into the touch, forcing Jenk to cast off his earlier assessment of had happened here.

 

An alternate explanation formed in his head and sent the hardened doctor spiraling into pity.

 

`He's no abuser. He's just stupid in love. They probably both are.' He huffed, scratched his head and decided to start over. “Ah, hell,” he murmured. “Sorry for laying into ya like that, son. Some people ain't inclined to complain even when they're bleeding to death; I guess he's one of `em. So what's your name, anyway? Your brother never would say.” He saw Vash hesitating and chuckled. “Probably wanted to give you the chance to lie, but you might as well tell the truth.”

 

“I suppose I owe you that much at least. My name… is Vash.”

 

Jenk's eyes widened. “Vash? As in…”

 

“Yeah. The Stampede. And in addition to the usual bounty hunters after me, I'd guess the Earth forces are after me too by now. If anyone found out I was here, things would get very bad, very fast. By taking us in you could be risking your life.”

 

“Right now nobody knows you're here, so don't go borrowing trouble. You let me worry about what I want to risk. So… you were bad off yourself when your brother Jacob brought you here. He says you single-handedly stopped Knives. That true?”

 

“Not single-handedly,” Vash said with a small smile. “Let's just say it was a group effort.”

 

“Well Vash the Stampede, I'm Jenk. I've got a son named Calito. I'm sure he's off running circles around Jacob. He was pretty broken up when he showed up here with you. Calito took a shine to him right away, took to caring for him without me asking. Hell, your brother talks to the kid more than me sometimes.” Jenk frowned at Vash's expression. “That odd or somethin'?”

 

It took Vash a moment to realize his jaw had dropped wide open and he rushed to shut it. “It's nothing, sorry. I just didn't know my brother… liked kids, that's all.”

 

Jenk rose and went outside the room for a moment, coming back with a large, heavy blanket. He shoved part of it at Vash who quickly got the message, helping him to get it spread over Wolfwood. “If things were different I'd tell ya to get him into a big city hospital so they could at least try a transfusion, but since that ain't likely to happen all we can do is keep him warm and let him alone. He seems to be healing up just fine now for some reason, so stop worrying that you did him harm. If you do, I'll tell ya something…”

 

Jenk looked around, then leaned in close and motioned for Vash to do the same. “My late wife got herself caught in a May City shootout once,” he whispered. “I just knew she was dead. I got to town fast as I could and found her in the hospital. She had a gunshot through her shoulder and a bullet still in her leg, but she was alive. She looked at me an' I looked at her, and that was all it took for us both to lose our minds. Two traumatized nurses later they threw me out into the street with my pants still down around my ankles, but the damage was done. Calito was born nine months to the day later. So quit feeling guilty. You aren't the first person to jump your mate at an inappropriate time and place!” Jenk patted Vash on the shoulder, cackling at his wide-eyed expression. “Come on down to see your brother when you're ready. I'm sure he'll be thrilled.”

 

Jenk closed the door behind him when he left and Vash laughed softly, running his fingers lightly over Wolfwood's brow. “It looks like you have another crazy person to deal with, Nick.”

 

It was all he could do to keep his laughter quiet when Wolfwood frowned and grumbled in his sleep.

 

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Knives wasn't sure how he'd ended up on babysitting detail for the afternoon. It wasn't that he was a difficult child. Calito was a sweet kid, but his kindness, his genuine and unobtrusive interest continually drove home just how much of a monster he had been. It was even enough to dampen his considerable joy at seeing Vash up and around again.

 

When Vash had walked into the room and he saw his brother he'd been on his feet and moving forward before he could think about it. At the last second his brain had kicked in and he'd stopped two feet short.

 

`I haunted his steps, made him walk through hell. What if he only saved me just to tell me… that he hates me…?'

 

But Vash had no such hesitation. He'd just smiled, said “Hello, brother,” and opened his arms. That was all it took for him to break down, rushing into that welcoming embrace that he knew he didn't deserve. He'd broken down into wracking sobs, uncaring of the weakness he was showing to the two humans looking on with relieved and happy smiles.

 

`At least Calito is asleep for now,' he thought, using the quiet time to sort through some old boxes of things taken from the nearby ghost town. Some things were useful, some weren't and the process of separating the two into neat piles had a calming effect on Knives' mind.

 

A heavier step than Calito's interrupted his work and he swallowed hard, wishing he warranted better luck. `Two days of him being asleep, two days of Vash practically hovering over him. Then as soon as Jenk forces him out of the house, he wakes up when I'm the only adult in the house.'

 

He wanted to run away and not look back. Instead he gathered his courage, stood slowly and turned around.

 

The unwilling pawn, easily kept in line through vigilance, threats, and pain, or so he'd thought. Who could have known this would be the one to fight his way to the other side of the chessboard?

 

Wolfwood just stood in the doorway, watching him intently. The silence dragged on for the better part of a minute before Knives couldn't take it anymore. Just as he opened his mouth though, Wolfwood finally spoke.

 

“So?”

 

Knives just blinked widely. “So… what?”

 

“So where's Vash?”

 

“Oh, right. He's out with Jenk - Calito's father, I mean. They do pretty well growing their own food but they still need whatever they can scrounge. Not much left in the local town so they had to make an emergency run into the city. They should be back soon.”

 

With all his information imparted silence descended once more and Wolfwood was still staring into him… looking for something. “Are you, ah…” he gestured toward the other's stomach.

 

Wolfwood's eyes narrowed and Knives could actually feel the aura of malice coming off him in waves. “I'll live. That's more than I can say for your attack dog.”

 

Knives' mouth suddenly felt dry. Of course. Wolfwood was alive, and that could mean only one thing. “Legato is…”

 

“Decomposing in the desert somewhere. Yeah.” Wolfwood's sharp eyes were focused on him and apparently saw something he didn't like. “What? Upset that I broke your favorite tool? My apologies,” he drawled lazily, crossing his arms and leaning up against the doorframe. “I thought you were done with it.”

 

Knives turned and knelt to his task once again, trying to give himself time to either wait out Wolfwood's interest or find the words to answer him. By the time he'd emptied the last box neither had happened and if anything Wolfwood's scrutiny had intensified. “I don't know what you want me to say,” he finally bit out in frustration. “He was just a tool to me. I didn't treat him the way I should have and I… I think that saddens me.”

 

“You expect me to believe you're in mourning for that monster? Try again, and this time leave out the bullshit.”

 

“Maybe that's not right, I don't know!” Knives exclaimed, standing and whirling to face him. “I just wish I had turned him a different way, that's all! If I had he might have had a chance to be something better- Ah, this is pointless!” Knives turned away, gritting his teeth. His thoughts were chaotic and he was falling further and further into frustrated confusion. Finally anger stopped the process. `What does he want from me? Doesn't he know I'm trying?'

 

Those sharp eyes on him didn't miss a thing. “What are you so angry about, Knives? If a simple conversation gets you this riled up how the hell do you expect to live around humans and not turn into what you were before?”

 

A harsh laugh burst out of him. “There's nothing simple about this conversation. For over a century everything has been so clear, and now it's all complicated and confusing!”

 

“Why? What did Vash do to you?”

 

“That's… hard to explain.”

 

Wolfwood just cocked an eyebrow at him. “Take your time. I've got all day.”

 

Knives grimaced because he knew Wolfwood would just wait him out no matter how long it took. “When Vash and I were children we found out something terrible. We had an older sister, the very first independent plant.” His lip curled into a sneer at the memory even now. “Human scientists took her. They ran experiments on her. Dissected her. And she trusted them to the very end. It was terrible. We found what was left of her… just pieces and parts floating in jars,” he spat. Even after everything that had happened, thinking about it still made him sick. “Only one woman stood between us and our her fate, and it was the same woman who had lacked the courage to stop our sister's torture.”

 

“Sounds like someone determined not to make the same mistake twice,” Wolfwood said quietly.

 

Knives closed his eyes as Wolfwood's words caused a fresh wave of pain to pass over him. “I see that now. But back then I didn't see it that way and neither did Vash at first. He got suicidal. I decided it was us or you, so you all had to die. But genocide is difficult when you still have the capacity for human emotion so I just… locked away my ability to feel anything I considered to be a weakness.”

 

“And Vash changed that somehow.”

 

“Yes. When we fought he went into my mind and undid all my work, bringing it all back. So now… I am drowning in so many emotions that I have no idea how to name them all, let alone deal with them. When I look around nothing is the same anymore; it's as if I've awoken from a nightmare. These people who saved Vash and me… they're just two of those whose lives have been shattered because of what I did. Every time I see them, talk to them I want to… to scream, to cry, hell, I don't know.”

 

He stopped, feeling tired and drained. A bitter chuckle burst out of him. “Calito said it wasn't enough to feel bad, that you have to make up for what you did wrong. Well, how am I supposed to think of a way to do something that impossible when I can't even get through a single day without having a breakdown?! If only I understood all these feelings I could-”

 

Knives stopped talking and Wolfwood just watched him, trying to see the loved, redeemable brother that Vash saw when he looked at this person. Try as he might, he couldn't see it. Oh, he had changed, no doubt about that. But now instead of murderous hatred Wolfwood sensed a kind of directionless instability. It was a combination that could still lead to disaster.

 

Seconds ticked by in silence and Knives turned to him slowly, suddenly calm. Warning bells went off in Wolfwood's head and he took a reflexive step backward.

 

Knives didn't notice his apprehension. He'd thought of a way out of the endless spiral of misery that had kept him trapped, and he was focused on it. The key was right in front of him, the connections already formed and ready for him to use. He pushed against them and dormant, well-worn paths flared back to life. It would be a simple matter, far simpler than trying this with anyone else. He knew Wolfwood's mind, knew exactly where to go to get the information he needed. And if he used a gentle touch he wouldn't cause any damage. Surely there could be nothing wrong with that.

 

Wolfwood felt a familiar sensation of pressure at the base of his skull that he never thought he'd have to experience again. It was then he realized Knives intended to dig through his head in order to learn about his own emotions.

 

“Just relax. This won't hurt at all.”

 

`Relax.' If the situation had been different Wolfwood would have laughed. `No fucking way. You don't get to do this to me again.'

 

Through the numerous times Knives had invaded his mind in the past, Wolfwood had very subtly found ways of resisting. Now he stripped all the subtlety away and fought with every trick he'd learned. Instead of relaxing he ran a constant barrage of every useless thing he could think of through his mind. He recited inane songs, thought of hot sand and his irrational hatred of lima beans, anything he could think of. It wouldn't stop Knives' invasion, but it would seriously slow him down for a few precious moments while he tried to get out of this.

 

He remembered that he'd dressed in the same clothes he'd traveled in and an idea took hold. It was risky, but it just might work. He issued an order to his hand which bent to his will after a few tense seconds, heading in fits and starts to the front left pocket of his jeans. The effort broke his concentration and Knives immediately noticed, pushing harder than he had before.

 

There wasn't much time. Knives hadn't expected him to have any success at resisting and was beginning to get angry. Sweat rolled down his hairline in fat drops and he bit his lip so hard it bled. As his fingers pushed inside his pocket Knives almost had him.

 

At another time Wolfwood would have bitten through his own tongue just to make sure Knives didn't get what he was after. Now, though… things were different.

 

The tips of his fingers brushed their goal and another connection roared to life.

 

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Five hours alone with Jenk. Five.

 

It had taken five long hours to complete the trip to the nearest city and back, and while Jenk was a good man - no question there - he had an incredibly odd sense of humor. And a very, very dirty mind, but not in a good way.

 

Jenk began to cackle once more and Vash snapped himself to attention long enough to laugh absently. Out of self defense he'd stopped listening to Jenk's horrible toilet humor half an hour ago. At least they were finally back, and they'd scrounged up a decent amount of canned goods and other necessities. `I'm sending Wolfwood next time though,' he thought. He hopped out of the old truck as soon as Jenk pulled it to a stop.

 

He stepped out of the truck and immediately had an odd sense of falling. He grabbed at the door to steady himself, but missed it all together when Wolfwood's panic went tearing through - through…? - his head. His back hit the ground but he didn't feel it. Words came riding a frantic sense of urgency. He's trying to get back in, don't let him Vash what are you waiting for!? Get him OUT OF MY HEAD!

 

Vash was confused, but only until Knives' unmistakable presence bled through and made sense of Wolfwood's cry.

 

By now Jenk had realized something was wrong. He knelt with his hand on Vash's shoulder and he looked so worried Vash wanted to explain what was happening, but he had something far more important to attend to.

 

Vash stood, managing what he hoped was a reassuring smile before slowly making his way into the house by feel and memory because all his attentions were entirely focused on the one who had called to him in the first place.

 

However the hell Wolfwood had managed to forge a connection to him, it was a strong one and he took full advantage. He pressed in and felt the fight his guide was putting up to try and stall his brother. He'd thought he could just shove Knives out as he'd done before, but Wolfwood had been catatonic then. Now his mind was too intertwined with Knives' for that kind of action. If he pushed his twin out now, something of Wolfwood might go with him. There was nothing Vash could do except ask Wolfwood to do something entirely against his nature.

 

Nick, you have to stop fighting him. Move aside and let me handle this.

 

It was a tall order and Vash was prepared to have to do some convincing, but the argument never came. There was a brief pause in Wolfwood's resistance, and then to Vash's utter shock he just fell away into complete passivity. After that it was an easy task to identify the foreign presence in that beloved mind, stop it and drive it out where it belonged.

 

Even though he pulled back on the amount of power he used, he was in his full protective glory and the mental blow that hit Knives was enough to send him flying backward. He hit the wall and dropped to the floor with a cry. Wolfwood wobbled and Vash got there just in time to cushion his fall even though he was still completely immersed in his guide's mind.

 

Once Knives was gone Vash felt a nearly overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude before Wolfwood actually communicated the word thanks. The depth of it was nothing short of incredible, and fascinating because of what it implied. Wolfwood seemed to think in intangible terms, like senses, feelings, and emotions. Vash could easily tell that Wolfwood was tacking on words for his benefit alone.

 

Are you all right?

 

Anger and fear hit him first. Then, Yeah. He didn't get in, but… It was too close. Are you sure about this? If he hurts anyone else it will be on us.

 

No, it would be on me, Vash returned. It won't come to that, though. I know he can turn back around, even though he's got a lot to learn.

 

Ya think? rode a wave of wry, dark amusement.

 

That is so neat. Wolfwood's way of thinking was too distracting. Try as he might Vash just couldn't concentrate on anything else.

 

Confusion came first, then What's neat?

 

The way you think. I'm not sure how to explain it… An idea formed and it was just too tempting. He had to do it. I love you, Nick.

 

The response was immediate and so strong he very nearly got lost in it. Unconditional warmth and trust that were wholly without boundaries rolled over him in a great wave. There was an “I love you too” in there somewhere, but it was completely superfluous.

 

When Vash could communicate again it was understandably garbled. Wow, Nick, you… I mean… Wow.

 

This time a cross between fondness and irritation enveloped him. If you're going to make less sense than usual go do it somewhere else. Out. Now.

 

Okay, I'm going, but… I really like this. Seriously. I might just move in.

 

His next words would have been harsh if not for the pleasure and embarrassment that preceded them. Yeah, well I guess this beats having teeth pulled. Now out!

 

With a laugh Vash crossed easily back into his own mind, and felt it when Wolfwood closed down the link between them. He immediately missed the closeness, but to relive it he had only to remember the gift Wolfwood had given him. It had been so profound he could feel the cool touch of tears on his cheeks.

 

Deft fingers wiped those tears from his cheeks and Vash opened his eyes and looked down to stare into the dark, concerned gaze of the man in his arms.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Nothing at all.” A smile slowly formed and Wolfwood chuckled in understanding. “How did you manage to call me like that?”

 

Vash watched him first squirm, then turn a little pink. “Just check my front left pocket.” He did as he was told and pulled out a soft, silvery feather. “When I touched it before it opened some kinda connection between us. Figured it might work again.”

 

He looked at it, puzzled until he recognized when and where Wolfwood could have gotten it. “You kept it this long? Why, Nick?”

 

“Because I figured as long as you were shedding the damn things I could collect them and make myself a nice feather pillow.” Vash was all set to tease him about lying when he stopped and sighed. “Because I loved you so damn much it hurt and having that just made it easier to think maybe you felt the same, okay?”

 

Vash knew he was grinning like an idiot but couldn't seem to stop himself. “You love me, you really, really do.”

 

Before Wolfwood could give in to the temptation and punch Vash right in the nose a noise broke the moment between them. They both turned to its source to see Knives groaning, struggling to rise to consciousness and Vash heard a low growl come from Wolfwood's throat. That was all the warning he needed and his lightning reflexes kicked in, allowing him to grab the furious priest mid-attack in a full nelson and pull him back.

 

Wolfwood wasn't up to full strength yet, but even so Vash had a hell of a time holding on to him. “Get your hands off me, Vash! This bastard tried to fuck my head again! I have to kill him!”

 

“This isn't the way, trust me!”

 

Wolfwood alternated between disbelief and indignant anger. “He can get inside my mind whenever he wants and if he gets serious there's nothing I can do to stop him! If I still have to live with that kind of fear hanging over me I should have just blown my brains out after I killed Legato!”

 

“Leave him to me. Let me deal with him and I give you my word that I will never let him do it again.” Wolfwood's struggles slowed, and finally ceased. “You don't have to be afraid of him. I know exactly what it was that he did to you, and if I thought for a second I couldn't stop him from doing it again I would kill him myself.”

 

He could feel Wolfwood fighting with himself and after a few moments he let his arms drop and leaned back, just looking at Knives laying there on the floor. Vash had waylaid him pretty hard and he was most likely defenseless right now. There were a lot of heavy, blunt things around the room. It would be pretty simple to just grab one and bring it right down on Knives' skull. Hell, he could do it with his bare hands. One hit with all his strength would be enough, and if he did it fast enough Vash wouldn't be able to stop him.

 

Vash's arm wrapped around him and pulled him tight against his warmth. Mentally he cursed the man's ability to make him feel safe. It tended to diffuse him and make him run at the mouth. It was strange though… that prospect didn't bother him the way it used to. Vash even liked it when he did, so maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

 

He drew in a shaky breath and spoke slowly. “If you're wrong and he gets into my mind again it's over for me. I'm human, with a human brain and I don't know how much longer it can fight what he does to it. Everybody's got a breaking point and I'm damned close to mine. So don't fuck this up or I can't promise I'll be around to tell you what an idiot you can be.” He slipped away from Vash and left without a backward glance.

 

Vash watched him go, completely astonished that Wolfwood had told him what he was going through before reaching a crisis point. “Thank you,” he whispered shakily to the now empty space. `So that's what changed,' he thought.

 

Knives finally fought his way back to consciousness, holding his head and groaning in pain. Vash watched him, feeling an even greater sense of responsibility than ever before. `Nick trusts me to protect him from you. I won't let him down.' Knives started to question him, upset no doubt at being `attacked' but Vash was in no mood to listen to him.

 

“We need to have a little talk.”

 

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To SaraMaxine: Thanks so much! Here's the latest chapter; now the fic is current. I've had a lot of medical issues in the past year that make using the computer difficult. But I'm still working on it! Check back at the end of the month at latest for a new chapter. :)