Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Incompatible ❯ Chapter 0039 ( Chapter 39 )

Trigun Fanfic

Trigun © Yasuhiro Nightow * Shonen Gaho-sha * Tokuma Shoten * JVC * Pioneer Entertainment (USA) Inc.

The following fanfiction was written by me (Chiruken) and is intended for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.

--Incompatible-

Trigun Fanfic Featuring Knives and Meryl. Knives hates all humans. Meryl just hates Knives. It's a match ideal for the promise of Eden.

By Chiruken

Chapter 39

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After his emotional outburst, Knives had closeted himself away in his room and refused to emerge or speak to anyone, including Vash…especially Vash. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall and sighed deeply. He didn't know why he'd revealed so much to his brother and he was definitely regretting it now that he'd had a few days to think on it. He should've just kept his mouth shut and walked away. He knew that…had known it then…but still he'd gone and confessed his true feelings, just blurted it all out. He didn't know what had possessed him to say all that he had, but there was no way to take the words back, not now that they'd been spoken. He felt both physically and emotionally drained in the aftermath of it all.

Life had been much simpler back when he'd hated all the humans. Hate was an easy emotion to deal with. It was simple, really. Hate and anger were both easily dealt with. He was familiar with the two emotions. They were almost comforting in comparison to what he was currently feeling. Hate and anger didn't hurt, not like this. They didn't leave him sleepless at night or unable to eat because his stomach was all tied up in knots. They didn't make him wish for things that he had no right even thinking of. They didn't make him long for something he'd never have. They didn't leave him cold and shaking and feeling so utterly alone at night that he longed for an end to his misery. He decided that if what he was feeling was the human emotion referred to as love, then he didn't want any part of it. Of course, it was easier said than done. He had no idea how to turn off the emotion now that it had crept up on him and taken over almost all of his thought processes.

He couldn't see why the humans all seemed to seek this terrible feeling. In everything they said or did, they were always referring to it in one form or another. It moved them to perform acts they'd never normally fathom doing, spouting odes to the object of their affections, strutting around and attempting to gain favor in their uncomfortable suits and too tight shoes. Some were even moved to commit violence in the name of passion. It confused him. If love was such a wonderful and positive emotion, then why would men abuse those they claimed to love? Why would women murder the men they professed to adore? It seemed worse, somehow, than all the hate and anger he'd ever harbored during his lifetime. Humans would say one thing and mean another, their words often didn't match the feelings being projected. And yet, one and all sought out the elusive and often fickle emotion called love. Why? Why would they do that? Why would they purposely set themselves up for the pain he was currently feeling? Was there something he was missing? Some greater truth beyond what he'd learned thus far?

Meryl had once accused him of being a masochist and he'd hotly denied it, knowing that pain wasn't something he enjoyed feeling at all. So…why was he currently in such misery? Were all humans, in some form or another, pain-seekers? It was the only explanation behind their obsession with actively searching for and embracing the agony of the emotion labeled love. Was love just an excuse to feel and inflict pain on others without actually admitting to wanting to feel that wrenching ache? If so, then why was he currently in that position when he knew that he hated pain?

Love, he decided bitterly, was tremendously overrated and he'd been better off before he discovered it. "Ah…love, the greatest evil of the world…hate has nothing on it." He muttered under his breath as he raised his hands to wearily scrub his face. His life had become a nightmare. Ever since Vash had decided that he was worth saving, nothing had gone right for him. He knew that he couldn't mope in his room forever, as much as he'd like to, and that he'd have to face the world eventually…including his brother and…Meryl. "But not yet…not yet…" He shifted and slowly allowed his tired body to stretch out on the floor he was currently sitting on, his back to the corner of the room far from the light managing to peek through the drawn curtains. Lying on his side, he rested his head against the floor and stared sightless towards the darker recesses beneath his bed. The floor was hard and unyielding, but he didn't mind. It was pleasantly cool, much more comfortable than across the room where the bed rested beneath the window and absorbed the blistering heat of the day. They needed an air cooling unit. He frowned slightly and pursed his lips thoughtfully. There might even be one still in working order in the ship he'd found Emily in. He would mention it to Vash…later…much later. He needed to regain some semblance of his usual logical thinking. He couldn't emerge from his self-imposed solitary confinement until he could manage to maintain his composure around the others occupying the small house. Until then…he'd remain isolated and try to work through the roiling emotions twirling around through his mind at dizzying speeds.

He sighed again and slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position again. He really couldn't be lying about on the floor. If someone were to walk in on him in such an embarrassing position he'd never live it down, no matter what the excuse he gave. He doubted Meryl or Millie would violate his privacy by entering without knocking first, but his brother…he shook his head and stood, stretching his cramped muscles…Vash wouldn't hesitate to barge right in whether he was invited or not. He glanced over at the door and shrugged before crossing to it and flipping the lock to open. As much as he wanted to hide away for a few decades, he knew it wasn't fair to his brother. Vash, as he'd been frequently screaming at him through their telepathic link, was worried about him. So, next time he came knocking, he'd let him come in. That didn't mean he'd actually leave the private sanctity of his room, it just meant that he was willing to assuage his brother's anxieties, nothing more. Of course, he was beginning to feel a little hungry…he suspected that three days of emotional misery and lack of meals had something to do with it.

Author's Notes:

This was a very difficult chapter to write and I'm not entirely happy with the outcome. I'm afraid that Knives, instead of sounding suitably angsty ended up sound more whiney than anything. **blah** Sorry. I tried.

To everyone who has been reviewing, Thank you!!! ^_^x

And to those who haven't…what are you waiting for? Huh?

'Love and Peace'!!!

^_^x

Chiruken