Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Interview ❯ Interview ( One-Shot )

The Chief liked to think, despite the chaotic nature of the world he lived in, that he ran a tight ship. Disaster claims poured into his office like sand, and he and his employees worked around the clock to make sure that not one of those grains went unswept. His approach, unlike his predecessor's, was thoroughly proactive - what a quaint old word that was - and it was this assertiveness that had prompted him to send out two field agents in search of the source of Bernardelli's most enormous and vexing claims. He hadn't expected Stryfe, of all people, to bring that source back with her to December.

Moreover, he hadn't expected the source to be such a colossal doofus. In the short time that Vash the Stampede had been in the Bernardelli main office, he'd managed to mix up several files and upset a distressingly large stack of papers. It was a general hue and cry over the sudden disappearance of the staff's supply of donuts that had brought the Chief out of his office, only to encounter Stryfe and her unbelievable proposition waiting for him in the main room. It was this proposition that they were now discussing in his office, and the Chief still couldn't believe his ears.

The Chief looked at the petite woman and the two blonde men with her in complete disbelief. "You can't be saying what I think you're saying."

Meryl smiled and patiently explained it again. "The man standing next to me..."

"...is Vash the Stampede," the Chief finished. Vash tried to look harmless. "Most wanted man on the planet, worth $$60,000,000, wanted for the murder of Count Vasquez and suspicion of Class G property damage..."

"Yes, yes, mankind's first official human disaster, whatever. And Vasquez was targeted by the Fris family, so it wasn't Vash." Meryl waved a dismissing hand.

"It really wasn't my fault most of those times," Vash supplied helpfully. "Well, maybe some of it. I'm really sorry about that Little Jersey incident..."

The Chief stared at the tall blonde man, who was holding the arm of another man who looked almost just like him in a death grip. The other man was grimacing at both Meryl and the Chief in a way normally reserved for cockroaches - or spiders.
"I cannot believe this," the Chief mumbled. "Vash the Stampede in my office. You were saying, Ms. Stryfe?"

"It's Saver - oh, whatever." The lighter-haired of the twins looked distinctly ill at that statement. "What I'm telling you is that Vash the Stampede wasn't directly responsible for most of the insurance claims that were made against his name. Instead, it was this man who was behind both July and Augusta, among numerous other incidents." Meryl smiled sweetly at the lighter-haired twin, but there was poison dripping from her tone. "Millions Knives, my dear brother-in-law." She enunciated every word clearly, and Knives gritted his teeth and started to lunge at her.

Vash grabbed his brother with his artificial arm before he could get too far. "Now, Knives, you're going to have to get used to it. Be nice."

"Filthy, disgusting, wretched... OW!" Knives glared at his brother. "That hurt!"

"I know, I shot you there."

"Anyway." Meryl turned her attention back to her boss, who was watching the exchange with a shell-shocked expression. "The point is that the man there, Millions Knives..."

"...Is the one really responsible for the damage..." the Chief responded weakly.

"...And the only one who can control him..."

"...Is Vash the Stampede, Humanoid Typhoon." The Chief leaned back in his chair. "I think I need a drink."

"So, do I have a job?" Vash put in.

Meryl smacked him in the back of the head. "Idiot, you're supposed to wait till it's offered to you. It's bad manners."

"Oh." Vash pondered this a moment. "So, are you going to offer me a job?"

"Vash," Meryl hissed. "You're not supposed to ask that either. We talked about this."

"Oops." Vash grinned and Knives gave a loud sigh. "Hey - are you all right there, Mr. Chief?"

The Chief had gone completely white under his mustache. "Vash the Stampede... on the Bernardelli payroll... never live it down..." His eyes rolled back in his head and he lolled forward onto his desk in a dead faint.

"I think that's a yes, don't you?" Meryl patted a beaming Vash on the back. "Congratulations, Vash, your first steady employment. They'll want you down in Human Resources. Shall we go?"

A faint whimper could be heard from the Chief's direction as Meryl hustled Vash and a balky Knives out the door. "The indignity," Knives muttered, viciously. "It's not enough that you force me to spend time with humans, but you want monetary compensation for it. Disgusting."

"Shut up and move it, Knives."

"Insignificant human - OW!"

"Do what the nice lady says, Knives."

Their voices faded down the hallway and the Chief felt like he might possibly recover. Yes, he was fine... he was going to get through this... best to choke it down and circulate among the employees like he always did this time of morning...
He had just finished his morning chat with Karen when an excited whoop echoed down the hallway and resounded, clearly, in the main office. "BENEFITS! You mean I get benefits too? Do they extend to my spouse? How about my brother?"

In the dead silence that followed, the only sound that could be heard was the Chief, slowly banging his head against Karen's desk.