Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Painful Remembrance ❯ Watching You Sleep ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Yes! Another extremely OOC fic! Midvalley is ok, I think, and there's not really enough of Zazie to make a judgement. Dominique is only mentioned. Legato is the real problem here, but we have to remember that he is currently child!Legato so he's gonna be OOC, even when he wakes up. Also, it will be explained later in detail how he acts differently around people he really trusts, so...yeah.

I suppose I should really write some more of 'Twisted Memories' and the Xmas one I'm doing (both Weiss Kreuz), along with the long awaited final chapter of 'Harry Potter and the Unexpected Pregnancy', but I had a sudden desire to write a Trigun fic. I can see this being a long one, so don't expect many chapters any time soon. This is really just a teaser *grin* but it will be finished, don't worry.

I have taken a lot of liberties in this. We are assuming that the Gung-Ho Guns are living in a big house thingy with nice rooms and stuff (and cheesecake!), so I'm completely discounting anything else. That's why it's AU!

WARNINGS: Death, depression, yaoi (m/m), child abuse (EVIL *stabs*), non con.

PAIRINGS: Legato x Midvalley, Midvalley x Legato, OC x Legato (non con), probably others.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Trigun or any of the characters mentioned here. If I did, you can bet there would be a hell of a lot more yaoi in the series (innuendos are not enough!)

I suppose it was too much to hope that he wouldn't dream tonight. I'm exhausted all of the time now, he keeps me awake so often, thrashing about and calling out in his sleep. It hurts so much to see him like this. I can't wake him, though; I can't stand it if I do. The look in his eyes the first time I tried it was enough to make it the last time as well; terror and revulsion. I've never seen him look that way at anybody, especially not me. I think I cried as I held him close to my chest, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words. I don't think he heard me. He fought at first, but then relaxed against me, whimpering and crying. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I want to help, but he wont let me, wont tell me what's wrong. I've pretty much figured it out from what he screams as he sleeps, trapped within the throes of his own nightmarish world. "Daddy" comes up a lot of the time, and "Mama" sometimes too, but not in a nice way. If his parents are still alive, I swear I'll kill them myself.

"Stop! Please, daddy, no more." It's starting, our nightly horror. His, because he has to live it again, and mine because I love him too much for it to not affect me. "Please, no, not that! Please!" It's a bad one tonight, his screams echo around the room and I hold him, it's all I can do. It's incoherent wailing now, his whole body shaking with fear. This was how I found him the first time, shaking and screaming. Our rooms are pretty soundproof, but you can still hear loud noises if you walk past the doors. That was how I managed to stumble across him the first time. I had woken up in the middle of the night with a strange desire for cheesecake. I knew that we had some in the fridge, so I decided to get out of bed and locate it. This was odd for me, as I don't normally wake up once I'm asleep until my alarm clock goes off.

To get to the kitchen, I had to go past his room. It was purely by chance that I happened to be right outside his door when he let out a particularly loud wail. Being curious, I stopped, wondering if I had imagined it, and pressed my ear to the door. I hadn't imagined it. At the time, I wasn't sure what was happening. He isn't, by nature, a very vocal person and I knew that he wouldn't scream like that if something wasn't wrong.

I slipped silently inside, quickly closing the door behind me. I was mildly surprised that it wasn't locked. But then, who would be visiting? I'm the only one he ever really spoke to, other than when giving, or being given, orders. The curtains were open, one of the moons cast an eerie glow over his bed. The covers moved like a sea of snakes as he thrashed beneath them, clawing at the air to try and forcefully remove some invisible attacker. I couldn't just stand and watch, I had to do something, so I crossed the room to try and calm him.

"Legato." I gripped his arms tightly, but he just pushed against me trying to get free. I wouldn't let go, though perhaps I should have. "Legato." I spoke a little louder this time, trying to wake him as he thrashed wildly about in my grasp. "Legat..." He opened his eyes. I couldn't let go then, couldn't breathe, as he stared up with a terror that was almost tangible to me emanating from those bottomless pools of amber he has for eyes.

He wasn't fighting me any more, just sobbing and shaking slightly. He had practically pressed himself into his mattress, as though afraid to be hit. I knew then that he didn't recognise me, couldn't see who I was. I couldn't see who he was either, as this was most certainly not the man I had to work with every day, the calm and collected Legato who would do anything for the cause, who had never lost his temper or shown any real emotion. That was when I realised that I didn't know Legato at all, and I couldn't let this new, vulnerable persona slip through my fingers. That was why I stayed with him the first night, holding him to me until he fell asleep.

The next morning was...strange. I had awoken long before him, as the light from the early morning sun decided to shine straight onto my face and wake me up. I can't sleep with my curtains open; Legato can't sleep with them closed. He was still lying half on my chest, as he had been when he fell asleep, and was clutching at my nightshirt tightly. I amused myself by running my hands through his hair, marvelling at the colour and texture, like strands of silk made from the deep blue of our atmosphere, just before space. I examined the shape of his face, thinner than usual as I had noticed he had been eating less. Hell, compared with what he ate before the guy was practically starving himself. I was running my fingers over one closed eyelid as I felt it flutter beneath the light pressure. I moved my hand away just in time as his eyes flew open. He looked about to bolt, until he realised who I was and calmed considerably.

"Midvally?" He looked so confused, it was adorable. I had a sudden urge to kiss him, but managed to restrain myself for the time being. I couldn't help but smile, though, tightening my grip around his waist with my left arm to pull him closer and moving my right hand back to where it was stroking his hair. He practically purred at that, relaxing against me completely in a boneless heap. We stayed like that for some time, until my hand got tired and stilled and the silent tears returned, making his body shudder, and all I could do was hold him until they stopped.

"You want to talk about it?" I finally enquired, speaking softly as he probably had a headache after crying for so long. He shook his head no, and I was happy to leave it at that.

Every night after was the same; I would stay awake until he went to bed and then stand outside his door, waiting for the dreams to start. My nightly vigil was only disturbed once by Zazie going down to the kitchen. He gave me a strange look, but didn't say anything, for which I am grateful. Sometimes it would take hours after he had fallen asleep for the nightmares to plague him, sometimes only minutes. They lasted for different times, too, the shortest lasting only seconds and the longest being several hours. I stayed with him, though, every night without fail. Eventually I stopped going to my room altogether, as there didn't seem to be any point any more. No one said anything about it as my stuff was slowly moved into his room. Dominique has my old room now, as it is larger than hers. No one questioned than, either.

I must have zoned out, I think, because he's staring up at me with those frightened eyes that make him look so much younger. I try to smile at him, try to move my arm back around his waist from where it has fallen, but I can't seem to move. He's moved, now he's staring down at me, kneeling over me. He's crying, I can see the silver droplets running down his cheeks, falling to my bare chest with a splash. He doesn't like me to wear shirts to bed, says the buttons dig in and it hurts.

"Midvalley?" There's desperation in his voice, why can't I move? "Midvalley! Oh, god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...didn't mean to, please be ok." What's he talking...oh. Somehow, in his nightmare, Legato must have lashed out mentally, which would explain why I can't move. I think he fried something. It would also explain my lack of perception of time, as well as why it is suddenly so bright. I must have passed out, and it's morning now. My vision is going fuzzy now, I think I'm dying. Why doesn't that frighten me? I guess he fried that part of my brain too. Oh well.

"Please try to stay conscious, I'm going to try and fix it but you have to stay with me, please Middy. Midvalley!" It's no use. He's my only reason to live any more, but I can't seem to care. The blackness is somewhat comforting, so I surrender to it.

A/N: O.o That was NOT how that chapter was supposed to end. Again, more liberties taken *grin* but anyways, hope you liked! Don't kill me! *hides*