Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ The Resurrection Of Nicholas D. Wolfwood ❯ Midnight Reflections ( Chapter 18 )

The Resurrection Of Nicholas D. Wolfwood

Part Eighteen: Midnight Reflections

By Bekka Mouri

(Trigun doesn't belong to me and I am not making any money from this so please don't sue. There's a kiss and a BIG fat episode 17 spoiler with a lot of speculation.)

Wolfwood stared at Milly as she slept in his arms. She had her face pillowed against his shoulder and her arms wrapped around him like she was afraid he would vanish before morning came. It seemed like she still thought it was a dream he was back but it was as real as it could get. Wolfwood buried his chin in her hair and kissed the crown of her head as one of his hands strayed to her stomach.

During the talk they had before she fell asleep, she told him she was carrying his child. He was overjoyed to hear the news but he was a little scared too. The first sure thing he had to do was ask Milly to be his wife and he would do that as soon as he could get her a ring. ~God, I don't even know what ring size she wears or how much it will cost. ~

He shut his eyes and tried to think about how much money he had. He would need to save as much as possible because there was no telling where his hunt for Nagato would take him. He still had quite a bit of what Momma gave him because he had been saving it as an emergency stash. It took most of the reward for McGee to get the sand steamer tickets and he was certain he still had a good amount of the Nebraskas' reward as well.

He recalled the money Mac had given him and smiled. He thought about the words he said when he took the money, " You never know when it will come in handy. "

~Oh how true… How so very true, ~ He thought.

**

(^o.o^ Kuroneko-sama moment! A large black cat sat on a windowsill, its green eyes dilated to see though the darkness as it meowed at the moons. A large bird sat on a nearby power pole and its eyes focused on Meryl's bedroom window with the quiet hum of gears turning.)

Vash stared up at the ceiling and sighed. He could hear Meryl's breathing and it was driving him crazy. His lips tingled with the memory of the totally spontaneous kiss at the platform and he felt like he wanted more. He was sure it surprised her almost as much as it surprised him when it happened.

What had caused that to happen? They had come close to kissing a couple of times but they always stopped themselves before they did. He was still so scared of getting close to anyone for so long and it seemed he still was frightened of it. It seemed he was scared emotionally just as much as he was physically.

~I guess one can get that way after watching everyone and everything you love get destroyed, ~He thought as a tear came to his eye. It was true and painfully so at that. Everyone he seemed to care for ended up dying. First, it was Rem and countless others as the years wore on, Wolfwood's death seeming to be the final straw.

It was as if Knives didn't want him to ever love anyone for as long as they both lived. Even Meryl and the tall girl had almost been killed because of him. They probably would have been killed if he hadn't shot Legato. ~Everyone who touches me dies! It's not fair! ~

He shut his eyes but they were open a second later as he realized not exactly everyone who he touched died. Wolfwood had lived… the only man Vash considered close enough to be a brother was still alive and asleep in the arms of the woman in he loved in another room. Something had to be said for his survival but Vash still wasn't sure what it was; he was still in awe of Wolfwood's angel filled story.

He wasn't sure what it was about the black haired priest but there was something about him that made Vash feel like they were connected… like they were two sides of the same coin. When they were together, Vash felt almost like he did with Knives until Steve's abuse had pushed him over the edge. When he thought Wolfwood had died, it nearly destroyed him and he had to find Knives so he could stop him before he killed anyone else.

The girls' safety wasn't the only reason he left them in Tonim Town. He needed to grieve and figure out how Wolfwood had known about Knives to begin with. Legato didn't let him have that chance though and plunged Vash into even deeper despair by forcing Vash to kill him. After that, Vash had nearly been killed and would have been if Meryl hadn't stepped in.

His thoughts slipped back to Knives and all the things that had pushed him to become what he was. Vash knew Steve beat Knives a lot; Steve beat him a lot too. The jerk thought the twins were monsters because they had grown so quickly and were so smart. He hated them because they weren't human but that shouldn't have mattered; it didn't matter to Rem.

For a time, it seemed that Steve was the only one who hated the young plants but Knives knew different and let Vash know that after they had evacuated the ship. He told Vash that everyone hated them because they were different but Vash refused to believe it. Rem and Joey seemed to like them well enough but Mary and Rowan regarded them with tolerance; after all, the boys could keep the plants running with only a fraction of the effort it took Steve. Their intelligence was another thing Steve couldn't stand because it made him look like the idiot he was.

Vash couldn't recall when the beatings had started but Steve made it a practice to slap the two boys around at least once every twenty four to forty eight hours, especially when he was drunk. He always did it when the boys were separate and Vash attributed that to the fact the jerk was probably afraid they would gang up on him. He wondered just how far the abuse went with Knives some times though and wondered it got past the point that Vash had been exposed to. He pulled the blanket tighter as he heard Steve's voice in his head, his words slurred by alcohol.

~You know, it would be better if the two of you were little girls but with that long hair, I can just pretend, ~ He had said, reaching for his pants.

Vash remembered shutting his eyes and begging Steve to leave him alone, the tears streaming down his cheeks. The crying just made Steve laugh, ~That's right. Cry like a little bitch, ~ He had told Vash. ~That'll make it better. ~

When the intercom crackled to life and Joey called Steve to the bridge, Vash felt like someone had freed him from an inescapable prison. Steve cussed after the intercom was turned off and left the room, leaving Vash to cry over what almost had happened. He collected himself enough to find one of the anti-gravity locks and went inside, continuing to cry until Knives found him. He told him everything would be okay and they just had to get through everything for just a little longer.

Shortly after that, Knives had been acting strange and Vash wondered what had happened but was afraid to ask. Had Steve got at Knives and did what he had tried to do to him? He wanted to ask but he was scared, scared that Rem would find out about what had been going on. Neither of the boys had told Rem about what Steve had been doing to them because they knew it would hurt her too much.

She had seen the bruises but it was Knives that told her they were nothing, saying that he and Vash had just played too rough and it was nothing to worry about. Knives started to act more distant and kept to himself a little more each day, worrying Vash. He thought it was strange that Knives hadn't stuck around to get his haircut and set out to look for him once he had searched the meadow with Rem. He finally found him and was shocked to see Knives had cut his hair by himself.

It looked rather unique and seemed to suit the quieter of the two in a strange way. He expressed his want to be an individual and Vash accepted that. After all, they were two separate beings that shared many things but were also different in their own ways. It wasn't until a few hours later when Vash realized just how different the two of them had become.

It had all started when they went to the meadow to walk with Rem when the butterfly in the spider's web caught his eye. He reached for the web and wanted to save the butterfly but not harm the spider. Knives had seen the web as well but had a different idea. He reached out and grabbed the spider, killing it so the butterfly could break free of the web.

Both Vash and Rem had been shocked by Knives action but he remained cool about it. He explained it was the easiest way to stop the spider. Vash said he wanted to save them both and Knives told him it would have been impossible because, if he had saved them both, the spider would eventually die of starvation. Knives wrote if off as simple logic but neither Vash nor Rem saw it that way.

Rem told Knives that both of them were living creatures and he had no right to decide who lived and who died. At that point, Knives had advance on Rem, telling her that he had made the right choice and explained his logic. Vash didn't like the look in his eyes and pounced on Knives, telling him he was wrong. After a tense moment, they separated and Knives left, telling Vash he didn't make any sense.

After that, they had been summoned to the cold sleep outer room to find Mary, Rowan and Joey. Steve had done something horrible to Mary and he was bound up in a straight jacket. Joey sentenced him to the cold sleep until they could get somewhere to put him away for good. Steve maintained he was innocent but no one would listen… except for Rem.

Rem wanted the others to hear Steve's side of the story but they wouldn't listen and Mary said that Steve had raped her. Vash and Knives watched as Steve was frozen, a self-satisfied grin tugging at the corners of Knives' mouth. The grin sent chills through Vash as he realized who had really been raped and it wasn't Mary. Vash wanted to tell Rem about the abuse but something about the way Knives looked at that moment told him not to… at least not there.

They went to look at the hologram of the geranium after Steve had been frozen and Vash felt that would be good time to tell Rem about what had been going on but they started to talk about other things. Joey then came into the room with Knives and said the analysis of the planet would be completed soon and he wanted them to come to the bridge to see it. Joey left and Knives stayed, acting like the spider incident hadn't happened. That was when everything got shot all to hell.

Vash shook his head; he hated it… whenever he thought about it, he had to recall the whole thing. It was one of the clearest memories he had and it played like a movie his brain every time, right down to the last details. He could see Rem, tears streaming down he cheeks as she told him to take care of Knives. He would take care of him once he found him again and he knew he could make him change if he could convince him that humans weren't all spiders trying to kill the butterflies.

Vash wanted to look over at Meryl's bed as he remembered how he felt when he realized that part of Rem's spirit had come back to him. That was another reason he was so scared to get close to her; he didn't know if he could take losing Rem a second time and he knew he couldn't take losing Meryl if things got bad again.

" Vash? " Meryl's whisper caught him by surprise.

He sat up and looked over at her. She was on her side and looking at him, her face bathed in the moonlight that filled the room. " Yeah, what's up Meryl? "

She felt a wave of electricity move through her body at the sound of Vash speaking her name. The feeling passed and she sighed, " I can't sleep. "

" I can't either, " Vash shook his head. " Are you scared of something? "

" Not really. I just have a lot on my mind I guess, " Meryl propped herself up on her elbow. She looked down at the bed, " You aren't very comfortable down there, are you? "

" It's okay. It will do. I have slept on cave floors… " Vash said.

" Y-y-y-you can get up here with me if you want. I have a lot of room and I think we can share with no problem, " Meryl struggled with the words as she tried to hold back her tears. She braced herself for Vash's reaction and listened as silence filled the room. Would he be able to sense just how scared she really was even though she didn't want to admit it?

Vash stared at Meryl's bed for a long time. She didn't have a big bed but he could feasibly sleep in it and not get too close to her if he slept on his side. He stayed quiet and Meryl sighed again but this time it was to mask a sob she could no longer fight. " I shouldn't have been so forward… I'm sorry but I would just feel a lot safer if you were up here. "

" Then you are scared, aren't you Meryl? " Vash asked quietly. She had been brave trying to hide it and he admired that she didn't want to worry him.

Meryl nodded, still not looking at him, " I haven't been able to sleep well at all since those psychos killed those orphans. They are still out there… somewhere. What if they want to kill again and come to the city to do it, Vash? " Her voice cracked.

Vash was on his feet and his blankets fell to the floor with a soft rustle. He crossed the room quickly and knelt down next to the side of the bed. He offered his arms to Meryl and she grabbed him, surprising him just a little. She pressed the side of her face against his and he could feel the tears on her cheeks.

Vash hesitated before holding Meryl a little tighter. " How long have you been crying? " He whispered into her ear.

" Since you went to change your clothes, " Meryl whispered back.

" That long, huh? "

" Yeah. "

Vash sighed, " If you need me to be here that bad, I'll hold you. "

Meryl pulled away and looked into Vash's face, " Would you please? "

" Yeah, " Vash whispered. They stared into each others eyes for a long time and were unaware they were drawing ever closer until their lips brushed. Vash felt his cheeks fill with heat and he moved to pull away but Meryl stopped him.

" Please kiss me again, Vash. Please? When we kissed this afternoon… I can't explain it " Meryl blushed. The truth was it had been something she had dreamed of for a long time and when it happened, she felt like she would wake up any second.

" As long as Knives is out there, I can't get close to anyone. I would love to get close to you but I'm afraid it will all start again, " Vash wanted to kiss Meryl too but he couldn't. He didn't want her to get hurt.

Meryl looked away from Vash, " You don't want me. "

Vash shook his head slowly, " Meryl… I want you but I am afraid. "

Meryl looked back at Vash, " Stop being so afraid then. How can you have lived this long and been so afraid? "

Vash sighed, " I don't know. I have just lived through it somehow…surrounded by friends but all alone. "

Meryl put her hand under Vash's chin and made him face her, " You can't let him ruin your life any more. I know you will find him and have no problem bringing him back again. He can't be that fully healed and is probably still weak. You said it yourself; it took a lot out of him when he did the double Angel Arms and he would take a long time to heal without a plant because the damage was too great. "

Vash shut his eyes, " But Meryl, it's been over three months since then and there is so much more. He has help just like he did the last time. Wolfwood thinks some of the Gung-Ho Guns had students. "

" Where would he get an idea like that? " Meryl blinked.

Vash thought for a long time about how he could break the truth to Meryl gently. The tall girl didn't need to know the truth yet and Wolfwood would probably let her know when the time was right. Finally, Vash quietly said, " Someone told him. "

Meryl furrowed her brow, " Who? Who told him and when? "

" He probably found it out when he was looking for me after Augusta. Meryl, there's still so much that even I don't know about him. I feel he still has a lot we haven't seen yet. "

" What do you mean? Do you think he was out to get you? " Meryl asked quietly. " Do you think he was one of them? "

" I don't think he is out to get me now but I really don't know about back then," A tear slipped out of the corner of Vash's eye as he told the lie. He just couldn't let Meryl know the truth. " He almost died because of me. "

Meryl shook her head, " But he's alive, Vash. Wolfwood did not die. Not everyone who touches you dies. I'm still alive, aren't I? "

" I want you to stay that way too, " Vash let another tear slip out of his eye. " I want you to meet a nice guy and have lots of kids… I want you to have the best. "

" I don't want to meet a nice guy and have a lot of kids, Vash. "

" Then what do you want? " Vash opened his eyes and looked at Meryl. He was surprised to see her smiling a half-hearted smile. She leaned in and kissed him gently for a few long moments he wanted to last forever.

She pulled away and smiled a very tiny smile before saying three little words. " I want you. "

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