Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Your horoscope for today ❯ Vash's surprise horror-scope ( Chapter 1 )

Your horoscope for today

Based on the Weird Al Song, "Your horoscope for today"

(Rated PG for health humor could change do to comic mentions of pregnancy, ridiculously funny.)

Vashu was just walking down the streets of May City, on the hot, desert planet of Gunsmoke, somewhere in a galaxy other than the Milky Way. He, given his birthdate, was an Aries. He wasn't thinking about that at the time, though.

At that moment his mind was on something else, and certainly not his astrological location in the stars or his horoscope. No… His mind was on something else… Something more real… Something more Vash oriented… no… His mind was on…

"DOUGHNUTS!" He exclaimed, as he ran down the streets, and into the newly built doughnut specialty store. He entered the shop and headed straight for the counter, saying, "I want one of these, and this, and this, and this, and three of these, and one of these, and six of these… And a fortune cookie!"

As soon as the clerk handed them to him, he grabbed a handful and began munching. Soon he felt something odd in his mouth, so he reached in and pulled out, "A piece of paper? Oh, my fortune cookie." He looked at the paper, which read: The following is seen for those under the stars of Aries, The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon. Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf and give a hickey to Meryl Stryfe.

Vash's mouth fell open and he immediately forgot about his doughnuts. He immediately ran to the hospital to have the large object removed. "I knew I was gaining weight!" He exclaimed as pushed the black cat from the path in front of him.

He raced through the also newly built hospital's doors and to the front desk. "Doctor, Doctor, I have a forty pound water melon in my colon!"

Vashu was immediately rushed to get x-rays done, as the doctors called the hotel he was staying in to see if there was anyone with him to explain who he was and how it happened.

"Hello, is this Mrs. Stryfe? Yes, I'm calling about your companion in the red trench coat? Yes, he's here in the hospital, is there anything about him we should know? Name? Okay… How about bloodtype… Unknown? Okay… Is he pregnant? Uhuh… Well, about how old is he…? And you let him do that kind of stuff unmarried? Oh, I understand… Yes… Well… We'll call you if anything comes up… Yes… He said something about his colon... Yes, Mrs. Stryfe… I'm not sure… No X-rays yet… I'll let you know. Good-bye."

A/N: What do you think so far? I'm trying to show versatility and still enjoy myself, so this is going to be ridiculous.