Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction ❯ For friendship, perhaps ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

For Friendship, perhapsII

 

Disclaimer: Tsubasa Chronicle does not belong to me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

Pairings: Kurogane x Syaoran, again. With canon pairings thrown in for angst.

Summary so far: Kurogane thinks. Syaoran is horny. Angst ensues.

A/N: Beware mental crack. And I have no idea where this is going. I just want to write this and am going to inflict it on other people. I think it's a thing for that pairing- there is utterly nothing in canon to suggest it, other than what seems to be a mutual admiration and respect there. But they look good and I like it. It's also fun to mess with their heads. This whole thing started with the idea of “What would happen to Kurogane if he was raped?” Physical trauma really didn't seem to be something that would break him… Though the psychological aspect of a rape- the loss of control could be similar. Especially if he was used, against his will, to harm someone he protected.

And how Syaoran comes along and saves him. Poor boy is traumatized, and feeling grateful and confused and…

As for Syaoran- Kurogane took his virginity, protected Sakura for him, and gives him a place where he can feel safe for a few minutes. Considering that he has to worry about his own sanity, what with the eye thing, I imagine that would do a bit to push things along

I know this is going to be OOC. Why am I writing this? For shit and giggles.

I believe this part takes place in Piffle world, but the whole thing is somewhat TWT?

 

Kurogane woke with a start, his hand going to the hilt of his sword on reflex- and he was immediately reassured, finding it was there.

It hadn't been- for however long he and the princess had been imprisoned. For that time, it had been worse than when he had lost Ginryu. That had simply pulled his teeth- during their captivity he'd been toothless, blind, and crippled.

Their captors had been baffling to Kurogane. As far as he could tell, there had been no reason to what they had done. Without Mokona to translate, there was no reason for them to be interrogated. They weren't, more than once. After that had been the pain, but while that was bad, it had just been another opponent. One he could tackle. They had not been very interested in the princess in that manner- some of what she had gone through was unpleasant, but not what they had done to Kurogane.

The rounds of tortures had been confusing and unpredictable. There had been strange flurries of activity, before and after they had started with the needles. The needles had been far worse than the tortures- they had fed him any number of potions. Some of them had made him see things, others had swung his moods wildly, throwing him into violent bursts of laughter, others had him in tears, others had made him so apathetic he had no desire to move even when they cut off pieces of his skin.

Kurogane shuddered, looking around, and trying to free himself of the memories that clung to him. They had eventually started giving him the drugs that had sent him into a rut- he'd felt a part of his nature that had long been defeated rear its head.

He sighed and sat up. Their rescue had occurred four worlds and two feathers ago, and the dreams were still bothering him.

This one had been worse than normal… In his dreams he had truly lost control of himself, and had brutalized Sakura-hime… who had turned into Syaoran.

Sleep would not return. He did not feel like he deserved it. He wanted nothing more than to be free of the confusing emotions and memories and the terror that had been crawling through his veins. The bed he was in was too soft anyways.

Getting to his feet, he sighed. The wizard was sleeping across from him, and from his breathing and comfortable sprawl, he probably would be sleeping for some time. That was a good thing.

Syaoran telling him that the wizard had feelings for him had added to the confusion, and he contemplated the pale man for a few moments.

Kurogane kept his complicated emotions in small box in the back of his heart where very few people could find them. He had long ago forgotten how to deal with anything beyond lust, territoriality and rage.

His princess had commented often that if she was not part of his territory, he would probably have left to wander. When something was under his protection, part of his territory, it stayed that way until he or it died.

Lust was easy, because it required almost no thinking and was a release. For blood or sex, it didn't matter. It was the same, a mindless distraction from other things, whether he was killing or fucking.

Rage… It fueled his lust often as not. It wasn't until he had gone into Tomoyo-hime's service that the rage had cooled.

He only allowed those three emotions out of the box, because they were the most useful and the least distracting. He didn't have to worry about confusion. Lust without love meant pleasure without ties, and he could stop when he wanted. Rage would keep him hunting long after there was a need.

Protecting his territory kept him from giving up.

Dealing with his fellow travelers had opened up that box he'd hidden away inside his heart. It had started out small; just wary respect. Yet somehow they had managed to crawl under his skin, even that stupid white manjuu. Out of the box had poured forth pity, companionship, annoyance, frustration, laughter, tears and affection. He couldn't show all of the feelings that had started in his heart, but they were there…

Affection and confusion had been the two dominant emotions since he had begun to notice Fai. The man was beautiful and hurting, and Kurogane had protected the man despite himself- yet he hated him.

Hate was another emotion the box had let out.

He hated how Fai had run instead of confronting his problems head on and not staying to fight or die. That was how the ninja did things. He had never run from himself or his situation, even at its most painful.

He hated that Fai would cover himself with a smile made of battle steel, one that was unbending and false. Nothing he could do or say seemed to have any affect at all. The man was still running, and Kurogane was still so confused he didn't think he could catch up.

Syaoran though…

Kurogane sighed, grabbed his sword and armor and took it outside with him. The place they were in now had a balcony, and the cool air might do him some good. Souhi needed sharpening and his armor from Shurano needed repair.

His hands went through the motions of sharpening methodically, trying to find some state of peace through the repetitious movement. Syaoran had been the first lover he'd taken in years.

The whores didn't count.

He didn't want to feel anything for the boy. They would find the Princess' feathers, and they would part ways. That was all there was to it. To feel anything for them, when he would lose…

He didn't want to lose everything, again.

Kurogane would go home, to his princess, and be her servant until the day he died. These people would go on their way, and Kurogane would be alone again. Fai would not want to stay with him- not when he wanted to keep running. Kurogane could not follow him once they reached his country… His wish had seen to that.

So what would be the point of pursuing any kind of relationship? Especially now, when he was damaged goods?

He let out a deep, heartfelt sigh. Emotions were things he truly did not know how to cope with. Kurogane could sense self-doubt rearing its head; doubt, wanting, and fear.

He was afraid of letting himself be hurt. Even more so… He was afraid that he would try to love, and find he couldn't.

That last dream of hurting Syaoran had been painful.

His hands had stilled against the blade when he sensed a familiar presence. Syaoran's spirit felt like a nearby fire and soft fur under his hands. The boy reminded him of nothing so much as a juvenile wolf cub with his legs and paws too big for his body. Syaoran was staring out over the city they were staying in- he'd not noticed his companion just yet.

Kurogane eyed him, enjoying seeing him in an unguarded moment.

The young man was small, but lean and strong, curved gently as he leaned against the railing. His open face was melancholy, fingers hovering over his blind eye.

Kurogane realized he was smiling before he wiped it from his face. The boy was earnest in everything he did, and quite cute.

Cute? Where had that come from?

Kurogane let out a gusty breath, alerting his pupil to his presence. Syaoran jumped, eyes wide as he noticed the brooding, hunched form behind him, and smiled sheepishly.

“I didn't see you there.”

Kurogane grunted. He preferred to say only want he meant; he was not given to empty platitudes. Repeating the obvious was something that- that- mage did. Yet he felt he owed Syaoran at least a few words.

“Hm. Couldn't sleep?”

Syaoran nodded. He had thick dark rings under his eyes. “I'm worried about a lot of things.”

Kurogane grunted in answer. “You're doing all you can. Worry about things you can change.”

Syaoran laughed softly, before turning to face Kurogane and propping his elbows against the railing on the small balcony. Kurogane focused his attention on his sharpening- it would be ridiculous if Syaoran noticed his stare.

His companion shook his head, sighing briefly before walking over to Kurogane, and settling beside him. Kurogane could feel warmth coming off the smaller form, even if his eyes were on his blade.

“You couldn't sleep either.”

“Hm.”

“Did you dream?”

Kurogane grunted again. He really didn't want to discuss himself, but Syaoran had a way of seeing through his façade.

“Was it a nightmare?” Syaoran was not looking at Kurogane, but instead staring up at the stars above them. Kurogane stilled his hands on his blade, but he didn't know if he could answer.

He finally nodded.

“You wouldn't hurt us.” Syaoran was emphatic. “I know you wouldn't.”

“How did you know I dreamt I hurt you?”

“I can't see anything else scaring you awake.”

Kurogane wondered at Syaoran's faith in him, his head lifting to look into Syaoran's warm eyes.

The young man was sitting next to him and hugging his knees, smiling gently. It made his stomach flutter and Kurogane had to look away. He could pretend to be gruff with the mage. He could be slightly brusque with the princess. Yet he had dropped his mask completely in that brief time they were together. Syaoran had seen that he could feel.

He could so easily remember the feeling of Syaoran's body underneath him, how smooth he was and how pliant.

Right now, Syaoran was so close the ninja could almost taste him.

Shifting uncomfortably, he wondered if the spark of lust heading for his groin could be hidden.

“Have you tried talking to Fai?” Syaoran asked suddenly, he like could sense that his companion had inappropriate thoughts. That effectively cooled his libido.

“Not exactly,” the ninja muttered. He had no idea how to bring it up. His own emotions were confused enough, and he had little idea how to start a serious conversation with him, let alone a relationship.

They were all broken, damaged people. At night, when there was no one but the stars to judge him and he could forget judging himself, Kurogane could admit he was just as broken. His fracture just happened to be in a different place. Perhaps that was why he had such a problem dealing with Fai.

“Why?”

Syaoran seemed to understand, just a little.

Kurogane sought an honest answer to give him. “I… don't know how to feel around him. I know he lies when he smiles. I want to fix his pain, yet I have no idea where to begin… and lately it's been too frustrating to even try.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Perhaps that's for the best. We will part ways someday.”

The soft sound that came from Syaoran's throat surprised the ninja. It was something like a whimper. He twisted around to stare.

Syaoran had hidden his face against his knees, one hand on his head. “Do you ever wonder about the future?” he said, voice quavering. Kurogane blinked.

“Sometimes.”

The young man took a deep breath. “Fai wants to keep moving, you'll go home, and Sakura will return to her kingdom.” Kurogane blinked again.

“You'll be going with her, of course.”

Syaoran swallowed, and Kurogane wondered what it was that made him continue.

“She knows you love her. She's not all there but she knows that at least.”

Syaoran shook his head in denial. “She's a princess. I'm not good enough for her.”

Kurogane wanted to point out that she was not the type to care, though he realized it would be useless. It would depend entirely on the customs of their land. Perhaps even more so, it would depend on how Syaoran felt about himself.

However, there was something that bothered him.

“Do you feel like that because of… what I did?” What we did? He couldn't say the latter.

Syaoran hugged his knees, then sighed, and stood up. He didn't look at Kurogane.

“It wasn't your fault. It's something else.” Syaoran hugged his arms. “I can't trust myself anymore. I feel like something is living in my head.”

Kurogane tilted his head up to look at Syaoran, catching a glance at his face. The boy's face was nearly white with fear. It was probably the first time Kurogane had ever seen him look truly afraid of something…

He reached out to grab Syaoran before he could stop. His grip was light, more a question than a demand. He had no desire to keep Syaoran against his will- just offer…

Syaoran didn't resist. He stopped, and allowed himself to be pulled to Kurogane's chest, settling between his knees as his shoulders were folded in Kurogane's arms.

The ninja sighed in relief. Finally he had Syaoran in the safest place he could think of, where no one, not even himself, would hurt him. The boy leaned backwards and laid his head against Kurogane's shoulder. A tantalizing bit of skin at the juncture of his neck and shoulders was revealed. Kurogane let his head drop, inhaling Syaoran's clean scent. He could smell soap, dust and himself.

Syaoran turned boneless in his arms. The tenseness that had been following him flowed away. Kurogane smiled faintly. It was comforting to know he had done this…

His experience fought these emotions, telling him that they were a weakness. Yet it felt so right to be holding him like this. His mind protested, but his rusted and ill-used heart won.

Then he went rigid as Syaoran pulled Kurogane's hand free of his shoulder, and dropped it into his lap. His fingers traced the lines of Kurogane's palm, over the calluses and scars, to the veins in his wrists and arms.

Kurogane swallowed when his cock twitched. Syaoran touching his hands like that… felt so intimate. His hands were how he mended, how he fought and killed, and how he pleasured a lover. They were scarred and callused in places, yet the parts that weren't seemed all the more sensitive.

He shuddered when Syaoran brought his hand to his mouth, lips caressing the palm before his tongue laved over it. The boy found his wrist and the delicately vulnerable skin over his veins.

“Do you know what you are doing?” he whispered, eyeing the skin of Syaoran's neck. “You-“

“Kurogane-san, don't think, please?” the boy whispered, settling further back against Kurogane's body. His voice was broken. “Please?”

The ninja swallowed, as his libido fought with his good sense. There was no use denying that he wanted this boy. He also knew this was a bad idea. There was no excuse, no reason other than desire for each other. Lust and love he had long understood to be two different things but he doubted that Fai and Sakura would care about the semantics.

“Are you willing to live with the consequences?” he murmured before he mouthed Syaoran's shoulder, tongue dragging over the skin. The boy tasted as good as Kurogane remembered.

Syaoran whimpered. Kurogane sucked briefly before biting down.

“Oh yes,” the boy groaned. “I want you…” He took Kurogane's hand, sucking the tips of his fingers. The man behind him shuddered again, shifting his free arm around Syaoran's waist.

The ninja moaned as Syaoran's tongue caressed his fingers, his other hand moving down Syaoran's chest to stroke over his thigh, but avoiding going closer to the boy's groin.

“Are you sure?” Kurogane said again, while he still could think. Barely. “If they find out…”

“I don't know,” Syaoran said after a moment, though he had yet to relinquish Kurogane's hand. “But- I know I need you right now.” His voice rose. “I'm sorry, Kurogane… I know it's not right but I need you.” He mewled softly, before twisting in Kurogane's arms, burying his face in Kurogane's chest. He could feel the boy's ragged breathing against his skin.

“Is that need worth what you are asking for?” Kurogane put his lips against Syaoran's hair. The boy was still so warm and pliant against him… If he reached out, he could so easily take what he wanted. Yet even if his relationship with the mage was naught but a fantasy, he knew Syaoran and Sakura's connection was far more real.

Syaoran murmured, nuzzling Kurogane's chest. “I don't know.”

“Think about it.”

The boy shook his head. “No. I don't want to think,” he whispered. “I've been thinking so hard tonight, and I want to let go.”

Kurogane murmured softly. ”There is a cost for everything. You know that, as well as I do. That damn witch taught us that.” His body rocked against Syaoran's, his hardness rubbing against his waist. “Do you want to let go enough that you'll let any man fuck you?” His voice was hoarse.

The boy swallowed. Kurogane could feel him shaking, and wondered why he felt so afraid of Syaoran's answer. He didn't want Syaoran to be out for a cheap screw. With a wince he realized he wanted to mean something to this boy who burned with such fire…

“No,” Syaoran finally said. “I need- I need,” he grunted, shifting uncomfortably. “But I want it to be you.” He looked down. “If you don't want to… I'll stop. But the only one I want right now is you.”

Kurogane sighed softly, and tilted Syaoran's chin upwards to press their lips together. Syaoran parted his lips, inviting Kurogane inside his mouth to explore. He pulled back quickly.

“I don't want to stop. I just don't want you to have regrets in the morning.”

Syaoran groaned, his fingers moving to Kurogane's waist to pluck at the fabric. He didn't answer the question- instead he tore at Kurogane's shirt, nearly ripping it off.

Lust finally overrode Kurogane's thinking- the boy was willing, and there, his smooth firm body under his hands as the ninja peeled down his pajama pants and boxers, reaching down to encircle Syaoran's cock with one hand. Syaoran's hips jerked at the touch as Kurogane ran his thumb over the head, smearing precum over his hand to ease his strokes.

“Kurogane…”

The ninja swallowed a moan. His own dick begged for attention but seeing Syaoran like this was almost as good. His hand moved up and down, squeezing and releasing as he went.

Syaoran licked his lips, head lolling back against Kurogane's chest. “Please, Kurogane-san,” he whispered, not looking up at him. His cheeks were flushed, lips swollen as his hips jerked under Kurogane's touch.

“I need to prepare you,” Kurogane whispered, before laving Syaoran's neck with his tongue. He reached around, fumbling for the oil he had used on his armor and sword. He had to let Syaoran go to open the jar- Syaoran made a breathy whine in protest. He took the jar from Kurogane and opened it, kicking his pants free and reaching between his own legs.

Kurogane's breath caught as he watched Syaoran touch himself, the fingers disappearing in to his body and stretching. Syaoran mewled, eyes fluttering shut.

“I- I remember then.” His voice was soft, almost shaking. “I remember how it felt to have you inside me. I couldn't think of anything else, and it felt so good…”

The larger man hissed, large hands picking Syaoran up and twisting him around to straddle his legs.

“You didn't hurt me- I knew you wouldn't,” Syaoran kept saying. He sounded like he was almost in tears. Kurogane leaned back, watching as Syaoran grabbed for Kurogane's waistband, opening up his jeans and pulling out his cock. His hands stroked up the underside, licking his lips briefly before looking up and meeting Kurogane's eyes.

There were no more words- Syaoran positioned himself, and then sat down on Kurogane's large cock, wincing in pain before sighing.

Kurogane shifted backwards, holding Syaoran's hips as he settled down. The expressions on Syaoran's face were delicious- wanton, hungry- and nearly as good as the tight heat of his body. He could feel his heartbeat where they were joined, pulsing around him, making him struggle for control.

Syaoran's fingers dug into Kurogane's shoulders, snagging the skin not covered by his tank top. Kurogane grunted, shoving upwards into him, harder and deeper. Rocking backwards, he pressed himself harder, urging Kurogane to go faster.

It had been a long time- and Syaoran apparently had no desire to draw this out, reaching down to grab his own cock. His hand was knocked away, Kurogane giving his cock one last squeeze before he came. The muscles of his body rippled around Kurogane's dick, spurring his own orgasm, emptying himself into Syaoran's willing ass.

Going limp, Syaoran fell forward against Kurogane's chest, panting softly. The warmth of his breath and body against him was soothing, as Kurogane rode out the raw pleasure, leaning heavily on the wall behind him and then nuzzling his hair.

Neither cried out, neither spoke for a long time after they came, just enjoying the unthinking pleasure and the moment of respite. The cool night started to creep in, chilling the sweat on their bodies and making Kurogane painfully aware that they were partially naked.

“We need to go inside soon,” the ninja said quietly, fingers stroking Syaoran's hair.

“I know. But I don't want to move.”

“What will you do in the morning?”

“I don't know. I guess… nothing changes.” His words were laced with quiet sadness as his body tensed. “Fai keeps traveling, I find the feathers, and you go home.”

Kurogane frowned. “Focus on the present… we have been traveling together for this long, we might be going to be traveling together for years longer. You can find all the feathers- when you set your mind to something, you do it.”

Syaoran pressed closer. “Yeah… things go back to normal.”

Kurogane felt himself wish for Fai's ability with words. “That's tomorrow.”

The tension rushed out of Syaoran's body- and he fell asleep almost as soon as he relaxed.

It was awkward having Syaoran asleep… but he didn't want to move quite yet. As he said- they had until morning.

He didn't notice the shadow in the darkened room behind him, or the blue eyes turning glossy with emotion.

After all… they had until morning…

 

To be continued?

 

A/N: And after nearly a year, I update. I feel like making this a series, now that I have Kurogane's back story. Yay. Beware much crack.