Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction ❯ Take Me Away ❯ Take Me Away ( Chapter 1 )

Take me away

Simple smiles and catty responses were a given talent to deflect others from noticing his pain, from sensing his power, and from begging his help in situations he didn't want to truly be involved in. He was a magician, banished and escaped, boundless and immensely powerful. He was an advisor to a king, a tactician and a manipulator. He was also a man who refused to take the blame for things he was no longer responsible for.

The children he traveled with, who made up his traveling party as he moved from world to world, leaving just a bit of deceiving past behind him in each, were shining examples of why he should no longer be allowed around other innocent people. He was a trickster. He could play his part of the raven very well, be it with the court officials who hounded his every move, or with the innocent children who seemed genuinely interested in his past, little though he talked of it.

The only one he never felt any remorse lying to, deceiving, was Kurogane. Kuro-sama, Kuro-rin, Big Puppy, Daddy. He was any number of things and he was none of them. He was a ninja from a world of fighting, a ninja who lived his life battle to battle, fighting to protect the very things he found important. Fighting to protect a princess who would banish him for doing as his very nature dictated. Kurogane could fight back, Kurogane could protect himself, and though he often pretended otherwise, the ninja was quite intelligent. He could deduce problems and he could interpret people's intentions just from watching the way they behaved.

It would always amaze Fai at how easily he was read by that damned ninja.

-.-.-.-

He wanted to die. He had always wanted to die, but he was doomed to a life of resilience. He was doomed to surviving, even when so many others had fallen at his feet. He was doomed to continue, little though he wanted to. He was a magician, and they hardly died. They lived centuries and decades, lifetimes upon lifetimes. He measured his lifespan in generations, in the passages of kings and queens. He didn't count the years anymore. He'd quit so long ago.

He could give men what they wanted, but he couldn't grant his own wish.

He just wanted to die.

And Kurogane made it hard to do. His very nature demanded that the wizard pay attention to him. The ninja demanded Fai's attention like none other had done before. He could have granted his lover, his king this kind of attention, but it would have been forced, it would have been fake and superficial. He would have meant none of it. And Kurogane wrought honest emotions from him. Emotions he had thought long frozen and forgotten. He hadn't thought to continue to live, even as he fought to escape the king he'd buried, the king he'd ruined, the world he'd killed.

Kurogane swore allegiance to one person and one person alone. Fai wanted to be that one person, but he wasn't good enough. He wanted to rage against the ninja for denying him, for dismissing him because he wasn't a cute little princess determined to punish her ninja for belligerence. He would have never punished Kurogane for killing people. Being a ninja, that was what he did. He increased his strength and he improved his fighting skills and he killed people, proving his own self to be master, dominant, better. He would never give into a fight, letting it end in a wimpy draw. He would never succumb to the power of a pacifist. Kurogane needed somebody to stand beside him, behind him, to support him who understood that simple principle.

Fai wanted to die.

He didn't want to understand Kurogane. He didn't want to know the pain of betrayal and not getting what he wanted. He wanted to know what it was like to lay beneath Kurogane's much larger body, to feel him making the wizard moan and demand more.

He wanted to die.

Damned ninja, damned ninja who just could not accept that he was allowed to make that choice, little though he wanted to prove that he was still in charge of things and that he didn't need to be taken care of. He wanted to die, and he wanted Kurogane to let him go, so that he could die. Apparently, as a harbinger of death, Kurogane couldn't allow anyone to walk into death so willingly.

-.-.-.-

Fai wanted to hurt. He wanted to be made to bleed, wanted to be bruised. He wanted Kurogane to do it to him, to make him regret the mean, hateful things that he spouted in the dark, to make him regret his deceit, to make him regret leaving his home, to make him beg forgiveness. He wanted Kurogane to dominate him, to prove his mastership over the blond wizard. He wanted to be possessed, to be owned and made to regret all of the mean, hateful things he'd done. He wanted and he wanted, and Kurogane would give him nothing.

The nicknames no longer agitated him. The funny stares no longer irritated him. The laziness he feigned no longer annoyed him. Kurogane was used to the wizard's ways, he was used to the games Fai played, used to the words Fai whispered but never truly meant. Kurogane had learned the rules of the game.

Fai needed a new game.

In the beginning, he'd been able to incite Kurogane's wrath with a few silly nicknames and whispered condolences for Kurogane's banishment. Now, however, Kurogane seemed unfazed by his hurtful teasing, now Kurogane seemed to accept the nicknames, even answering to them though they may have irritated him once more. He never let his anger show, not unless Fai had done something incredibly stupid, incredibly demanding of his rage.

Fai wanted the pain.

Ashura-o had been able to give him what he wanted. When he went to the other word, playing with Yasha-o, another familiar name and face in yet another world, Fai had been horribly tempted to stroll up to the king and demand his life taken. After all, he'd been the one who had killed Yasha in Celes and he'd been the one to banish Ashura to a world of eternal sleep.

Unless he used his magic.

Fai wanted to hurt.

He was vindictive and hateful, full of a hidden rage that he would never share with the children. He wanted Kurogane, needed Kurogane to make him hurt, to prove that he was weak and that he needed to be taught a lesson as such. He wanted Kurogane to make him stop pretending to be strong.

He was hurt, trying to desperately heal his own broken heart, to make his pain stop. He wanted to hurt on the outside, let his pain show forth on his body; let it heal with the marks and the pain of his own body. He wanted to be healed through pain.

He was twisted, confused and hateful, and he wanted everyone to see him that way as well. He refused to be seen as anything but the cheerful creature who wore a mask to cover his own tracks. It was second nature now.

But how nice it would have been to let that mask fall, to just be Fai and hurt. He wanted Kurogane to bring him that pain, that pleasurable release one gets when bleeding, when knowing that you are torn and bound and freed through the blood that runs freely.

Fai wanted Kurogane to hurt him.

-.-.-.-

As Fai lay bleeding, waiting for the powerful ninja to come save him, he realized he wasn't ready yet. He wanted Kurogane's powerful arms to wrap around his slender body, to hold him and protect him and heal him. He knew he wasn't going to die, but he was going to be close enough. He didn't want to be close enough to death to have to face the possibility, the reality of his own mortality. It scared him, and he was a coward.

He could send men to their deaths, had in fact done so several times. He could order men to obey him blindly and not care about the consequences that they would face. Be it death, be it abandonment. He was a man who played with others lives. He didn't care about them, didn't care about the way they sounded, the way they pleaded, nothing. He was a cold, calculating, cruel man and he wasn't afraid to admit to that.

But when his own mortality, something that he thought he was well equipped to handle, was thrust into his face, he couldn't help but stumble back at the show in fear. He was a man who would never amount to anything else. He was a murderer, a slayer of men and women and children; of kings and slaves. He could take anything, and he would kill it. He was a murderer, he was a closely acquainted with death.

And until he met Kurogane, he had been ready to face his own death at the end of all things. Until Kurogane, he had told himself that though he was seemingly invincible, there would come a time, there would come a man strong enough to slay him; strong enough to put his wickedness and his cattiness to rest.

How he had awaited that day with reckless abandon!

But lying here, amidst the pile of rubble and dust and his own blood pooling around his frighteningly fragile body, he didn't want to die. He wanted to be saved, and he wanted Kurogane to protect him, to bring him that very salvation he craved. He was weak, far too weak to be of any use to himself, to his traveling companions and apparent friends and he was paying for his sins. This would scar him, this would leave him with an impression of his own mortality and how close it haunted his every step. He was a wizard, but he was not invincible.

Fai just wanted to be saved by Kurogane.

-.-.-.-


Fai had freedom. He could fly through the air with all of the grace of the birds, if he wanted to. He was a man who could be anything he wanted. He could be free, he could be bound, he could be happy if he so chose. He was a man who didn't want to be bound to the past.

And he was surprisingly, content.

He'd found his way into Kurogane's bed, into Kurogane's arms. He'd made himself a bed in Kurogane's heart. He didn't know how he'd accomplished this, didn't really care for that matter. All he knew was that he was with this powerful man who could make him cry, who could make him scream, who could make him moan. Kurogane was everything he'd hoped the ninja would be. He'd proven himself on the battlefield, time and time again, and now he was proving himself to Fai in the bed, over and over.

And it was amazing.

He was content. He didn't lie quite so much to the children and he didn't lie quite so much to his Kurogane. Kurogane was good to him. Kurogane gave him what he wanted, what he needed, what he begged for. He made Fai a whimpering, pleading, begging whore. Kurogane was good to him.

Fai was free to plead, to beg, to cry and to rage against the ninja. Kurogane didn't care, Kurogane just wanted him to be honest in his emotions so he obeyed the man who could own him, the man he would give his body and soul to Kurogane, if only he would continue to control him, to make him feel, to make him plead, to make him obey.

Fai wasn't a nice person and Kurogane accepted that. Kurogane embraced his evil ways, his wickedness and his many faults. Kurogane welcomed Fai's darkness as much as he welcomed Fai's true emotions.

Fai was happy. Truly happy and he allowed himself to behave like he was, when he was wrapped in Kurogane's surprisingly gentle embrace, when he was wrapped in Kurogane's warm blankets, melting into the world of unconsciousness, regardless of how dangerous it could potentially be.

Kurogane made Fai feel contentment for the first time in long, long years.



This is the prologue to something I'm working on. Something I felt I should do after being away from Tsubasa for so long. But I didn't want Fai to be the pleading, begging uke that he's portrayed as in so many things. I wanted Fai to have a personality, to be honest and open and truly something that would require a mask to hide it. I wanted Fai to have some black mark on his past and something that would make him behave as such. Thus, there came this.