Twilight Fan Fiction / Twilight Fan Fiction ❯ For You I'll Die ❯ Four you I'll Die, Part 2 ( Epilogue )

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For You I'll Die - Part 2

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She allowed herself a good cry before getting up. She walked into the living room, frowning slightly when she saw that the rain was coming down even harder than before. She knew that she wouldn't be able to leave until it stopped, least she get hurt on the way home or sick.

She decided to sleep there until the rain let off. She walked out of the room, heading for the stairs. She took them slowly, stumbling every now and then as she walked up them. She bypassed the first two floors. While she knew that they were the floors that had beds in the rooms, she didn't want them. Despite how much she knew that it would hurt her, she wanted to be in his room. She needed to be in his room.

She stopped right in front of his room, her hand on the door handle. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

The room wasn't as different as she expected it to be. It looked almost the same as it had when they were still living there. The only differences were that there were a few missing books and CDs off of the shelves, a sheet covered the black leather couch and - through the opened closet - there were a lot of clothes missing.

She walked all the way into the room, stripping the couch of its sheet before heading out to see if she could find a pillow and some blankets. She was lucky enough to find some in a hall closet on the second floor. Bringing them into the room, she made a quick bed on the couch before lying down and falling asleep, the I-pod - which she had turned off - laying on the floor beside her.

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It was the dim yet unmistakable light of day that woke her up. Blinking her eyes open, Bella was slightly confused when she saw that she was in a familiar yet unfamiliar room.

It took several more minutes for her head to clear long enough for her to remember what happened. Opening her eyes, she looked to where she had placed the I-pod. It took her several seconds to realize that it wasn't where she left it. Springing up, she rushed to her feet, straightening her clothes before looking all around the room. It wasn't there.

She was about to panic when she heard something soft coming from somewhere else in the house. At first, she wondered what it was as she walked downstairs, until she heard the familiar voice of the final song on the playlist she had been listening to last night. She paused for a moment before continuing, going as fast as she could without actually running, stumbling, and tripping.

Making it down the stairs in record time, she heard the music even louder than before, though it was still slightly muffled. It seemed to be coming from the living room. She slowed, panting as she stood just outside of the living room. Taking a deep breath, she entered the room.

Her I-pod was sitting on the table, hooked up to some portable speakers that hadn't been there before. However, her eyes only glance at where it was before they were drawn to the other presence in the room.

Standing by the window, looking out of it, the bronzed-haired male didn't move, though the slight tensing of his shoulders told her that he was aware of her. She swallowed, almost not believing that he was standing there as she walked over until she was about two feet from him.

She, barely breathing, was slightly afraid to get any nearer to him, afraid that she would find that it was all a dream. She waited for a minute, waited to see if he would turn as her mind was silently commanding, though she found herself wishing that he wouldn't, for she feared that if he did, it would prove to be a dream.

Stepping forward, she finished the rest of the way, coming to stand right behind him. Reaching out with a shaky hand, she closed her eyes, waiting for her hand to pass through only air, though she was surprised to find that it actually touched something that was shaped like a shoulder. The shoulder was cold, and, as her hand settled fully on it, she felt the muscles underneath move.

“Edward,” she breathed, opening her eyes as the body underneath her hand turned. Her brown eyes connected with dark topaz eyes. She could tell that he had eaten already, possibly before he came here.

His hand, which had been lying at his side, came up, gently touching my face. Realizing that he was really there, she couldn't help her reaction as she flung her arms around him, several sobs coming from her as he wrapped his own around her, holding her tightly to him.

It took awhile for her to calm down, for she was extremely happy that he was there. However, once the tears had finished flowing, she realized that there was something bothering her. It was the words that he had said before he left, and - as much as it hurt her - she knew that she had to deal with it.

However, all she had to do was pull back, a question in her eyes, when Edward sighed.

“I think we need to talk,” he said, grabbing her hand and leading her over to the couch before Bella could say anything. Not that she needed to, for she had a million questions running through her mind. Despite the fact that she was happy too see him, and the fact that it no longer felt like a huge, gaping hole was left in her, she knew that they definitely needed to talk, especially about what happened the last time they had seen each other.

She sat down at the couch he had guided her to, almost expecting him to sit as well, though she wasn't very surprised when he chose to stand in front of her. She bit her lip, wondering if she should start when he spoke up.

“I'm sorry,” he said, causing her eyebrow to furrow in confusion. She wondered why he was apologizing for. Was he sorry for saying they need to talk? Sorry for bugging her? Sorry for breaking his last promise? Or sorry about how he left? Each question, with the exception of the first and last one, made me fear that the hole that had been torn in me would make an appearance.

I cleared my throat.

“For what?” I asked. I don't think he was expecting me to ask that, for the look on his face was surprised. However, I think what I was meaning about why he was saying sorry for registered to him, for he actually came and sat down next to me.

“I would say for not staying away -“ he started, and I felt a painful spike in my heart, as if the hole was about to tear itself open again - “but I would be lying. Truth be told, what I am sorry for…what I'm most sorry for is for lying to you, that day in the forest.”

She felt her eyes widen as she heard him.

“Yes, I lied to you, when I told you that I didn't want you. That was actually the furthest thing from the truth. The truth is I do want you, far too much than I should. It's too dangerous for you to be around me, Bella. However even though I knew this, I was just trying to ignore that fact because I wanted you to be around me.

But then, your birthday and the party happened, and I knew that I had just deluded myself into believing that you could be around me, and I knew that I had to leave, so you could live a regular, happy human life.”

She opened her mouth to interrupt, but he pressed one finger to it, asking her with his eyes to let him finish. Closing her mouth, she signaled for him to do so.

“Of course, I should have realized that I wouldn't be able to stay away. I almost came running back barely an hour after I left you, hating myself for doing so. I kept thinking of reasons why I couldn't…why I shouldn't, when I thought about Victoria, James' mate. And then, I had a purpose for not going straight back to you; I would hunt her down and kill her before she could even think about harming you.

That is why I haven't come crawling back yet. I was trying to hunt Victoria, but lost her somewhere in Brazil within the first two weeks. Since then, I've been trying to keep myself from coming here, forcing myself that you were better without me, until I couldn't take it. I knew that I would have to see you being better before I could convince myself.”

She bit her lip, wondering if he was done so she could talk. He removed his finger from her lips, as if sensing what she wanted, and finally allowed her to say something, anything.

“You were wrong,” she said, surprising him with her first words. She looked up at him, staring him in the eye. “I wasn't happy, I was beyond miserable. I don't really think there is a word to describe how bad I was. I was…am barely surviving.”

She took a deep breath then, breaking the eye contact. She honestly didn't want to say this, knowing that it would probably open a wound that she wasn't really feeling up to opening, but she knew that it had to be done.

“After you left, I tried to follow you until I just couldn't move anymore. I collapsed when that happened, and wasn't found until hours later. By then, I was cold and beyond hurt. I was broken. The last thing I remember after that was as if there was this big, gaping hole in my chest that was trying to tear me apart.

After that, up to this night, in fact, I've been a robot, a zombie, in a constant state of numbness that I used like a shield, only feeling pain when I couldn't hold onto that shield. It was worst at night, when I couldn't put up the shield, when my subconscious forced me to feel the pain. Edward, you not being here has gotten so bad that my screaming in my sleep has become a normal occurrence.”

He flinched at those words, his face showing sorrow. He hadn't realized that it was that bad, though he knew he should have. Hadn't everyone - with the exception of Rosalie - told him that leaving was the worst thing he could do. He just hadn't thought about just how bad it could be, believing that she would get over him, as he hoped - and yet, he also hoped that it wouldn't - happen.

“What brought you here, then?” he asked, curious to know. From what she said, she had been a robot for awhile, and he couldn't understand what brought her here. She turned her head, toward the I-pod that was no longer playing.

“I had just woken up from a nightmare, and didn't get my shield up straight away. Instead, I felt the need to go for a walk, and grabbing it after getting ready to leave. I hadn't bothered to look at it before, but my cousin had charged it for me before sending it, and, I just turned it on.

She had already put some music on there, and made me a playlist, which demanded that I listen to first. I did, and, for the first time since you left, I allowed myself to feel something other than numbness. I allowed the music to take me over, and - when I looked to see how many songs were left - I noticed that I was subconsciously walking here, so I just decided to finish what I had already started,” she finished, before adding, “By the time I got here it was about to rain, so I stayed.”

“I know,” he answered. “I arrived her just moments after you. I wasn't going to come in, but then I heard you start singing, and stayed. After that, I felt like I couldn't, and heard you move upward.”

He suddenly looked at her again, a small grin on his lips as he said, “I think, though, what truly kept me here was the fact that you had chosen my room to sleep in. Not one of the rooms where you were sure to have a bed to sleep in, but the only room in this house without one. I could hardly believe that you did.”

“I needed to feel closer to you, even if it was just by surrounding myself with your things,” she said. His grin became a bit wider at her admission.

“So, does that mean that…that you can forgive me?” he asked, his grin sliding from his face as his features took on a grim look. “I can't stay away from you Bella. Though I didn't bother to tell you lied to you when I said that I would, nor did I bother to tell you that what you had began to think when I said that I didn't want you, I left because I wanted to keep you safe, first and foremost. My leaving didn't have anything to do with how I truly felt about you Bella. I did, do, and still love you.”

He slid off of the couch to kneel in front of her, his cold hands on her legs as he stared pleadingly at her. She bit her lip. Could she forgive him? She didn't really have to think about that, but what if he was just humoring her? What if he remembered why he left in the first place, and left again? She had to know that it wasn't going to happen again.

“Will you leave me again?” she asked. He answered immediately.

“No.”

However, she wasn't satisfied by his answer.

“But what if you have another one of your thoughts of how it would be better if you weren't around? What if you think it's too dangerous for you to be around me?”

They were logical questions. There was nothing wrong with them. Edward knew this, though it hurt him to see he ask them. However, he knew that he had hurt her before when he left, and knew that her asking them were her way of telling his something that was, and would most likely, remain unspoken between the both of them: I won't survive if you leave again.

“I will probably have those thoughts, but I know, and can tell, that it would be more dangerous if I wasn't around,” he said, before looking at her. “If it wasn't for the fact that I knew you were still alive, I would have gone to the Volturi to ask, or force, them to kill me. However, I don't think either of us would survive another separation.

Bella, while it doesn't and probably won't ever show in me, I was how you said you were, though more statue-like than robotic. I wasn't doing anything after I lost track of Victoria. The only thing that I could think about was you, wondering how you were doing. I wasn't even eating; when I decided to come here, I made sure that I did so I wouldn't attack you, but during those few weeks in between loosing Victoria and coming here, I was doing nothing but collecting dust.

And, when I did get here and finally see you, I realized what an idiot I was. Bella, in truth, you didn't even have to tell me about being a robot, it shows. Your thinner, and even paler than you were before. You've got dark circles under your eyes from the lack of sleep, and you had a haunted look in your eyes when I saw you before you went to sleep.”

He stopped there, taking a deep, though unneeded, breath before bringing his hands up to her face.

“I can't leave you again Bella. It took all I had to leave you the first time, and…I just don't have it in me to leave you. I may be dangerous for you, and the wrong person to be with you, and I should let you have a say in what you want, but…I just can't leave you again.”

She knew that he was being truthful, could see it, could feel it. Even though he was a great actor, she knew that he wasn't acting this time. He couldn't leave her again, by his own admission.

“Then, promise me, for real this time, that you will never leave me, not even if you think it will keep me safe,” she said.

“I promise,” he said, no hesitation at all from him.

A smile, the first in a long while, began to creep onto her face, being reciprocated by him. She threw her arms around his neck, unable to control herself as she pressed her all too willing lips to his, kissing him for the first time since she saw him in the room.

A single thought went through her mind as she hugged him to her, the smile still on her face as the resident pain that was still in her disappeared for good.

She'd work on getting him to change her later.

 

The Playlist songs

1. I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

2. Forgiven by Alanis Morissette

3. Mercy by Duffy

4. Every Heart by BoA

5. Walking on Air by Kerli

6. Dearest by Ayumi Hamasaki

7. They by Jem

8. Hurt Me by Kerli

9. Good 4 Sex by Marion Raven

10. Lost in Life by Sirenia

11. I Walk Alone by Tarja

12. Rest in Peace by James Marsters (Spike)

13. Creepshow by Kerli

14. The Lioness by Xandria

15. Zydrate Anatomy by Terrance Zdunich with Alexa Vega

16. Chase the Morning by Sarah Brightman with Alexa Vega

17. Legal Assassin by Anthony Steward Head

18. Guys Do It All The Time by Mindy McCready

19. Decode (Acoustic Version) by Paramore

20. The Climb by Miley Cyrus

21. Breathless by The Corrs

22. Untouched by The Veronicas

23. Fire and Ice by Pat Benetar

24. I Want Nothing by Kerli

25. Away by Nightwish

26. Love Story by Taylor Swift

27. Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift

28. Hole by Kelly Clarkson

29. Down by Tristania

30. I'll Die For You by Marion Raven